So, I'm pretty sure a lot of you have been wondering about Helga. Well, let's see what she has been up to.
Helga was in the waiting room by the reception, impatiently waiting for her appointment with Dr. Bliss. She continued to sit there with her legs and arms crossed, all awhile scowling at the door that was right in front her, the door that led to Dr. Bliss' office. It didn't take a genius to notice that the blonde teen was extremely aggravated, if not angry at something.
Stupid Arnold. Stupid Rodrigo...She furiously thought as she continued to wait for her time.
Helga felt she had made a sound strategic move by not siding with either male teen. Apart from the fact that she didn't like either of their plans, with one being not enough and the other being too excessive, right after their failure to stop Von Scheck at the meeting that was held at their school, Helga had lost all will to further help her friends and their neighourhood. No, she hadn't given up. Her mind was just so preoccupied elsewhere that she was no longer able to focus on the issue. She initially agreed to help thinking that everything would be over in about a week or so.
However, once she realized that was not so, she opted to withdraw from this fight and concentrate on another matter that had been plaguing her all summer; her feelings for both Arnold and Rodrigo. As far as she was concerned, that was now more important that saving their neighbourhood. After all, how could she help out when she felt completely uneasy and distracted about her stance between the two teens? She could not even be in the same room with Arnold without falling to pieces, succumbing to her feelings for him on a whim, even if he wasn't really doing anything. Because of their strained relationship, she also found it to be tense and painful with Rodrigo also there.
Besides, it's not like I have some grandiose master plan of my own. She thought while she continued to pout. Infiltrating that corporate building was the best idea I could come up with. Unlike the last time, I don't have access to any critical piece of information that we can use. Their guess is as good as mine.
At last, the door finally opened, revealing Dr. Bliss and her patient walking out. Always the pleasant and courteous person, Dr. Bliss always seemed to have a smile on her face. Even after some of her patients had just told her certain sad, if not horrific stories about their lives, the Doc nevertheless gave each and every patient of hers a warm and thoughtful smile, as if telling them that despite what have gone through, or are still going through, everything will be alright in the end. Helga knew that smile all too well; it gave her that hope, hope that she would one day be able to live her life freely and happily; hope that one day she would no longer need therapy to deal with her problems.
Stupid Doc...She continued to irritatingly think. False hope, that's what gives me with that smile. Especially with my life, nothing good will ever come from it.
Waste no time, Helga immediately got up and began walking towards Dr. Bliss and into her office. Dr. Bliss in turn barely had any time to get her file when she saw Helga.
"Oh Helga. Please come..." The Doc to say politely and with a smile, "...in." Before she then dropped her smile when she saw Helga's scowling face and her stomping into her office, not even bothering to say hi to her.
Dr. Bliss nevertheless grabbed her file and allowing a small smile to return to her face, gently closed the door behind her and proceeded with their time.
"How have you been doing, Helga?" Dr. Bliss asked her.
"Oh everything is just peachy, Doc." Helga said sarcastically, "What, with my inability to help my friends from trying to save our neighbourhood from getting illegally torn down again, due to my twisted emotions curtailing two boys which I haven't yet been able to resolve, I cannot imagine how more fruitful and joyous my life can be!"
"I see." Dr. Bliss calmly said as she wrote down some notes. "I take things haven't been going well with your friends on trying to save your homes?"
"Pfft, you can say that again." Helga remarked as she looked through the office window. "Our two 'glorious leaders' prefer to fight and argue with each other, rather than put their differences aside and fight the real enemy. Crimeny, how much more childish and idiotic can they get?! All because of me!"
"Why is that so?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"Oh c'mon, Doc." Helga said. "Any idiot who studied even the most basic of Freud's theories can see just how those two lunatics project their sex-crazed fantasies of me into trying to save the neighbourhood. Not that I don't appreciate being the centre of attention for once, but this is ridiculous!"
"So, are you saying that the only reason why they are trying to save the neighbourhood is to impress you?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"Exactly." Helga blunted confirmed.
"Have you tried talking to them?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"Uh doi! But, they won't listen." Helga responded annoyingly. "Rodrigo has always been a bit stubborn, but Arnold really surprised me! I never took him to be a stubborn person, but he is taking that to a whole new level. He refused to even talk to Rodrigo, let alone work with him to try save our homes."
"Last time we spoke, you mentioned that you had a heavy suspicion that the only reason why Arnold came to visit everyone was to try and get together with you." Dr. Bliss said. "Do you still have that suspicion or has he confessed to you?"
"No." Helga sighed. "He hasn't. I'm still only speculating that Arnold came back for me. And it's not just me who thinks so; everyone, including Rodrigo, also have the same suspicion. I mean, that's why Rodrigo is furious at Arnold and not willing to work with him, and it makes sense why Arnold would be mad at Rodrigo and refusing to have anything to do with him, but I'm not 100% sure if that is the case. There could be something else, but I don't know what that is."
"You mentioned earlier that you appreciate being the centre of attention for once;" Dr. Bliss said. "How do you feel about that; being the source of two guys' affections?"
Helga took a deep breath before she responded to that question.
Where is she going with this? She thought.
"On the one hand, it feels...nice." She sheepishly admitted. "It makes me feel wanted, loved even. I never thought this would ever happen to me; two guys fighting each other over petit moi. Hm, I must have more of a spell on guys than I thought." She chuckled confidently. "But, it's not worth it; not if it means damaging any form of resistance to save our neighbourhood!" She countered.
"Well, how do you still feel about these two boys?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"I like Rodrigo," Helga answered while still looking, with a somewhat sad facial expression, out the office window, "I really like him, but I still love Arnold."
"Humour me, Helga," Dr. Bliss then said, "why did you choose Rodrigo over Arnold again?"
"I chose Rodrigo because he was willing to commit and put me and our relationship first." Helga confidently answered. "Arnold, wasn't willing to do that. Despite his reasons, he put his parents and other people first. I felt that if we continued with our relationship, it would have taken a backseat, and I felt I would be holding him back from what he wanted to do."
Dr. Bliss smiled a bit at her answer and then wrote some notes on her notebook.
"But," Helga then said, prompting the Doc to stop writing and look back at her again, "had Arnold been willing to put our relationship first, I would have chosen him over Rodrigo." She said quite sadly.
"I see." Dr. Bliss said. "Do you think you could ever fall in love for Rodrigo?"
Helga thought about that question for a second before she decided to answer.
"I'm not sure because we didn't get that far yet." She answered.
"You really don't think you could ever love him?" Dr. Bliss carefully pressed the question.
"Look doc," Helga said as she turned around to face her, "while I have been enjoying his company for the past three and a half months, even recognizing that my feelings for him have, let's just say, intensified a bit, they are still not the same as my feelings for Arnold. It's a big difference."
"How do your feelings contrast?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"With Rodrigo, I have no problem being myself. I don't get nervous when I'm around him, or at least not be overly nervous, I don't feel I have to keep a guard up on my emotions, or physically restrain myself from jumping him and showing any strangely creepy or even scary affections. As far as I am concerned, I can be completely normal around him. Heck, I've been acting as a pretty normal girlfriend! I haven't spied on him, or stalked him for that matter, I haven't broken into his house, I haven't really gotten jealous to the point where I lost control, etc."
"That sounds like a pretty genuine improvement, Helga." Dr. Bliss said encouragingly.
"Yes, but that's not normal for me!" Helga exclaimed. "If I really like him, I should be able to do some, if not most of those things, like how I used to be with Arnold. I have been with him for more than three months and not once have I been inspired by him to monologue, or write a romantic poetry about my 'undying affection' for him, or anything! From a writer's perspective, my relationship with Rodrigo has been, blah."
"But Helga," Dr. Bliss said, a bit surprised at Helga's statement, "we talked about this. Your love for Arnold, while a genuine affection for him, is also a form of obsession."
"Ya, ya, I know." Helga remarked. "OK, maybe the stalking, the raging jealousy, my strange behaviour to worship Arnold as if he is some sort of a God maybe a bit too much for any sense of normalcy," she confessed, "but I just feel that with Rodrigo, not that he's not fun or excited to be with, but I just feel like every other boring and unimportant person in this world, if you can catch my drift."
"So, are you saying that your relationship with Rodrigo, so far at least, is just too normal for you and not very 'Helga' of you?" Dr. Bliss asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Exactly!" Helga happily cried out. "Thank you for getting it!"
"But I thought you wanted some things to be normal in your life;" Dr. Bliss said, "to have what other couples have, what they need; a loving relationship with someone and with time, a family. To achieve that, it requires being in a loving and stable relationship. If that's what you still want Helga, then I'm afraid that is what being in a relationship means; being normal. Or, if you want to use a more appropriate word; stable."
"I thought so too." Helga softly confessed. "I mean, I still want those things. But, while I was dating Rodrigo these last months, I realized that in order to be with him, I kind of have to change myself into something that I'm not sure I want to be." Helga continued. "Rodrigo is in no way asking me to change. He likes me for who I am; he has made that clear. But, I feel it is something that I will have to do if I want our relationship to move forward."
"Helga, people change over time. Even more so when they are in a long-term relationship." Dr. Bliss countered. "That is inevitable for everyone. You yourself said that there are somethings about yourself that would like to change."
"Ya, I know I did." Helga agreed. "But I don't mean that. Those traits are just superficial. I'm talking about what makes me, me."
"Would you care to elaborate on that?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"To be blunt, Arnold inspires me." Helga said. "He inspires me both as a writer and as a person. Every time I saw him, or when I spoke to him, or even when I thought about him, it just made me feel...alive! I don't know how to explain it, but whenever he was around, everything made sense to me. As a writer, I would see words, phrases, sentences, rhythms popping in my head. I could then instantly write them down and produce some really good work, just like that, out of nowhere! Heck, with that kind of inspiration, I can puke poems out like vomit. Even as a person Arnold would always inspire, no, urge me to become a better person. Leading by example and through his own annoyingly blind sense of optimism, patience and kindness, he never gave up on me. He would see the person that I could eventually become and he would strive me to succeed. OK sure, there were many occasions when I would not heed to his advice, and sometimes I took two steps backwards. The point is that with Arnold, besides my undying love for him, I would feel...inspired."
"And Rodrigo doesn't do that for you?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"He does." Helga sighed. "It's really hard pinpoint that because I have only known him for not even a year, whereas with Arnold I've known him practically my whole life, but Rodrigo has definitely helped me. He was there when no one else was. Like Arnold, Rodrigo is very patient and understanding. He knew from the beginning that something was bothering me and instead of scoffing or ridiculing me, he offered to help. Despite me pushing him away, he wanted to be friends. As a result, he slowly pushed me to get out my sad and depressive state that I had virtually cocooned myself and my life in for more than two years. He offered to be my dancing partner and help me distress or cool down through dance and music. He encouraged me to sign up at our school's poetry club. For the first time ever, I was able to write poetry or stories that did not involve Arnold. They were about something else that inspired me. By the time we started dated, I had pretty much gotten out of this life where time had virtually stopped and I remained in the past, refusing to move on. But, Rodrigo showed me that not only was it possible for me to let it all go, it was OK if I did. I still retained my fond and cherished memories of Arnold when we were together, but I could also now move on with my life. I didn't die, nothing about me changed. It was OK for me to cherish the past, but not let it consume me the way I allowed it to."
"How did he manage to do that;" Dr. Bliss asked. "encourage you to write again?
"By taking me to a heavy metal concert." Helga said. "It's a long story. I'll tell you about it some other time. The point is that he helped me when I needed someone like him...and I fell for him as a result."
"But he doesn't inspire you about life in the same way as Arnold does? From an artistic point of view?" Dr. Bliss asked.
Helga said nothing and just shook her head.
"The only thing that Rodrigo inspires me is that with him, I see the opportunity to look beyond my world of Arnold. I get the chance to move on." She continued. "With him, I don't just see hope, but something new, something exciting."
"Which is?" Dr. Bliss asked
"That I can finally see myself having a life without Arnold. Its not only possible, but I actually want to experience that. I was initially scared, but after dating Rodrigo, it felt like a huge weight was finally lifted and I feel just so, well happy, if not alive. I want to continue with that feeling and not have my obsession with Arnold hover around me anymore. I want that to end, Doc. Rodrigo not only offers me the love and happiness that I want, but also offers me that chance, that possibility to be free. But that's it. From an artistic point of view, that's all he offers me; a way out. A way out not just of my love for Arnold, but also my creativity."
"And therein lies the problem, Doc." Helga explained. "I'm afraid of losing that artistic side of me. I feel that if my relationship with Rodrigo continues to be as stable as everyone else', I might lose my artistic touch. Even if by now I am able to write about anything that doesn't involve Arnold, I'm afraid that being with him might just be too stable, enough for me to lose my artistry entirely. To be a writer, or any kind of artist is to experience the world as it is; a chaotic and miserable place to live in. That's why we write, paint, recite; to not just create, but to create something intelligible. And while I don't think my relationship with Arnold would have been anywhere near as unstable as my upbringing; I had always envisaged my relationship with him to not only be loving and stable, but it would continue to inspire me to write. Think of it as one of those remote controlled race cars. In order to make it work, you'd need batteries, which have electricity. Arnold would be my battery and my love for him is my electrical charge."
"And you don't think Rodrigo could ever be that battery for you?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"I'm not sure." Helga said. "It's a risk I would have to take if I stay with him."
"Helga, do you still keep any souvenirs and pictures of Arnold?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"Yeah." Helga sighed.
"What about any pictures or souvenirs of Rodrigo?" She asked her.
"On my nightstand," Helga said, "I have two photos of Rodrigo. They are right beside the photos of Arnold and myself when we were dating."
"And was that something you wanted to do on your own?" Dr. Bliss asked her. "Putting those pictures of Rodrigo, I mean. Or it was something that you felt you had to force yourself to do?"
"No." She answered her. "I didn't force myself to put those pictures of him on my nightstand. It was something that I wanted to do. I had to take out two photos of Arnold in order to make room for them, but surprisingly, that didn't upset me. I actually felt glad that I was doing it. I got to see his face every time I woke up. Where are you going with this?"
"Well Helga," The Doc said, "I know how important those photos of Arnold are to you. You have never departed from any object that reminded you of him. But now, given that you made the decision to take two of those photos out and replace them with photos of Rodrigo, I'd say that is an improvement, if not a demonstration that you are slowly moving on. It maybe small, but it is something, no?"
"I guess." Helga said. "But, you maybe a bit too optimistic there, Doc." Helga said. "Like you indicated, I haven't gotten rid of anything that reminds me of Arnold. I still have all of his photos, including all of my poems, stories and souvenirs about him. Even those two photos I took down, I merely put them away inside my closet. Even my pink bow, though I don't worry it anymore, is safely locked away in my closet. I'm...still not ready to let him go." She confessed.
"It'll take time Helga to move on." Dr Bliss said. "This is something that is not unique to you. Virtually every person who dated someone they loved and have broken up find it hard to move on. It may take some a few weeks, or a few months, or even a year or so. I know you are trying to make the best decision that will bring about the best outcome, but in any relationship, it's a risk. Even your relationship with Arnold, it was a risk. You couldn't have known that he would have ever broken up with you. In any relationship, there are no guarantees that it will last. But, that's what makes a relationship that much for fruitful, more wonderful to be in; precisely for that very reason that it may not last. We all hope that it would, but we have no control over it."
Helga initially said nothing and just groaned at that realistic thought.
"That is exactly the point!" She angrily blared out. "I can't be sure of anything! I can't even be sure with Rodrigo because our relationship has only started."
"I know that in order to be sure, I have to risk it and to move forward with Rodrigo." She admitted. "But..that would mean that I would risk hurting him. What if I can't move on with him? What if I realize that I don't want to move on? What if I'm forever stuck loving Arnold? What then? If I can't move on and end things with him, then I would have lost both him and Arnold. I just...I just don't want to hurt Rodrigo." She lamented. "He has nothing to do with this. It hurts me just thinking about it. He has done nothing but shown me kindness and I am very thankful that he came into my life when I needed someone. I don't want to risk losing him entirely."
"And what's more," She continued, "if I am to be with Rodrigo, I cannot have Arnold in my life. I know he want us to be friends, and I want him to be still be in my life, but I cannot have him around while I still have strong feelings for him. Maybe later in the future, but not now! To be with Rodrigo, I have to push Arnold away and I know it hurts him whenever I do that and it hurts me. I want to push him away, but I can't!"
"And how does that make you feel, this back and forward scenario?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"It makes me feel like I am trapped and suffocating!" She angrily shouted. "I don't blame Arnold for wanting to visit his friends and grandparents, but I most certainly will not tolerate him coming back into my life while I still feel this strongly about him. I...can't give him what he wants; my friendship. I either want to be with him or have nothing at all to do with him!"
"Do you want to move on? From Arnold, I mean?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"I...I.." Helga tried to answer, but felt herself stuttering on how to describe what she truly felt about that.
"I don't know!" She then, almost hysterically, blurted it out. "Yes, I do, but I also don't! I still love him, I still dream about him, about us being together. But I also want to move away from that. He has been a constant shadow my whole life and I am sick of it! I used to believe that Arnold and I were meant to be together; we were destined for each other and while I was with him, I truly believed that. But now...I don't know if I still do, nor am I sure if I still want to believe in that!"
"And to make matters worse," she continued, "if by some missed chance I do get back together with Arnold, I'll risk losing Rodrigo as a friend. I know he will be heart broken if that were to happen and in order for him to move on, he'll need time to heal which means, that he can't be around me. He'll be avoiding me like the plague, and..." Helga just let out a sad sigh, unable to continue.
"It's OK, Helga. Go on." Dr. Bliss calmly encouraged her.
"...and that would mean I risk losing him as a friend entirely. What if the only way for him to move on is to stop being friends with me? I...I don't know if I can take that. I..." again Helga trailed off, becoming overcome with emotion as she struggled to finish her sentence. "I want to have some sort of relationship with him. I...I don't want him out of my life. But...I know that won't be up to me. It'll be up to him."
"Is that what is also enticing you to make your relationship with him work?" Dr. Bliss asked. "you're fear of losing him completely out of your life?"
"...More or less." Helga replied as she sadly continued to look out the window.
"Dr. Bliss," Helga then softly, almost tearfully addressed her, "please tell me what to do. Tell me how to get over this. I don't want to keep doing this anymore. I'm tired of this. I just want to move on, get on my life and focus on other things. My home is about to be torn down, yet I can't do anything about it because I am so preoccupied with this! Please..." She pleaded with her. "just tell me what to do."
Dr. Bliss initially said nothing and looked at her Helga with wide eyes. Out of all the years she had known Helga, this was the first time where she actually saw her almost on her knees, metaphorically speaking. She had seen her vulnerability many times, but nothing like this. She now saw desperation in her eyes. She longed to be free from this burden and was now asking Dr. Bliss to do the impossible; fix this for her. Helga had always prided herself on being a very independent person, making decisions on her own. But this was the first time that the blonde girl was at a complete loss on what to do and now pleaded with someone to make a decision for her. For the first time, Helga showed a sense of innocence that she was forced to give up when she was younger; the helpless innocence of a child. This wasn't something childish or immature, but a confession that she now felt helpless to herself and was now pleading with an adult to help her.
"Helga," Dr. Bliss said, trying to maintain her professionalism and not falling to this dire need to help her as a mother would help her child, "as much as I would like to help you make a decision on this, I can't. Even if we were friends, I wouldn't be able to. That decision, as hard as it is, falls only on your shoulders. Believe it or not, I understand how hard this must be for you. But, however you may want to see this, someone has to make a decision and whether you like to accept it or not, someone will get hurt."
Helga just sighed disappointingly and turned back around to face the window.
"Figures." She said. "You know what's funny? I feel like that fictional character from that chick flick movie, The Notebook, Allison Hamilton."
"Oh?" Dr. Bliss said interestingly. "How so?"
"Near the end of the movie," Helga explained, "when Allie leaves Lon for Noah, from Noah's perspective, she is made to look as if she made the 'right' decision. However, if the audience was made to look at things via Lon's point of view, she would have looked like a selfish, undecided, even heartless person."
"Do you care about what people think about you?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"No, I don't." Helga said. "That's not the point. Whichever way I choose, I will be labelled as an immoral, angry and heartless person whose only goal is to hurt those who care about me. There is no way around it. As you yourself said Doc, I am bound to hurt someone, regardless. And do you know what's the most screwed up thing about all of this?"
"No." Dr. Bliss replied.
"I didn't choose to be in this predicament!" Helga angrily, but also tearfully shouted. "I didn't choose to fall in love with Arnold when I was three. It just happened! The same thing with Rodrigo. I didn't choose to fall for him. That also just happened. I never wanted to be in this situation! All I ever wanted was to be with Arnold! But since he broke up with me, I had to move on. He himself told me that I should move on and forget about him. I initially didn't listen to him and desperately waited for him for more than two years, but I couldn't take it anymore! I was miserable! I was alone and depressed. I...wanted to be with someone. That's not a weakness, it's a human need! And when I finally did move on, it only made things worse! I didn't choose any of this. I was just trying to be happy!" She tearfully yelled.
Helga stopped herself for a second and wiped a few tears that had dripped down her cheeks before continuing.
"And now," She continued on despite her voice breaking, "by virtue of fate, by the Gods, or whatever the hell placed me here, I am now forced to make a decision, a decision that up until now, I had no control over."
"This is all so screwed up." Helga continued, looking deplorably sad. "Not only am I not sure which path is the right one for me, I will end up hurting one of the two people whom I care so much about. I don't know if you were in a situation where you broke someone's heart Doc, but when Arnold asked to get back together with me, and I said 'no', I broke his heart. I know I did. I could tell in his eyes and face how hurtful my rejection was to him; disappointment, anger, pain and sadness. It tore me to pieces when I saw that. And now, I...I don't want to go through that again with Rodrigo, or continue to do that to Arnold."
"By all accounts, I'd rather live alone than hurt either of them." Helga continued.
Dr. Bliss was quiet for a while and just admired at everything that Helga said. Indeed, if she could sum up what she felt for the young teen at that moment, in just one sentence, despite the worry, stress and pain that she was going through at that moment, she was proud of her.
"Helga," The Doc began to say, trying to contain her happiness for this breakthrough, "Despite what you are going through right now, let me just say, I commend you for your selflessness. You are an angel."
Helga turned around to face Dr. Bliss with a surprising and bashful look on her face.
"What did you say?" She asked her.
"I said you are an angel." Dr. Bliss said as she smiled.
Helga just stood here and looked at her therapist, not really knowing what to say, or how to even register what she just said about her.
"Um, thanks?" Was all she said.
"You have come a long way from when we first started." Dr. Bliss. "Throughout the years, I have always tried to get you to see other people's point of views and how they interpreted certain events or situations. But now, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to do the exact opposite."
"Come again?" She asked her with a raised eyebrow.
"As much as you care about Arnold and Rodrigo and how you don't want to hurt them, in this case, you will have to do what's best for you." Dr Bliss clarified. "Yes, you will end up hurting one of them. But just like you, they will bounce back from this. You cannot think about how this will impact others; otherwise, you will never be happy."
Helga said nothing and just turned back to gaze at the skyline through Dr. Bliss' window, going into deep thought about what she had just said.
Dr. Bliss sat back a bit and just allowed Helga to ponder what she said, while also just admiring her. She wasn't lying when she said that Helga had come along way from the nine year old girl that first stepped into her office. Indeed, one could look and just see just how much Arnold had positively influenced her throughout the years, before his departure. The differences between then and now were considerable. In the years when she dated Arnold, Helga became less angry/aggressive and more calm. She also began to show signs of outward compassion, regret and empathy, which in turn made her clash less with her classmates and friends. By the time Arnold left, much of those negative traits were either gone or had been considerably reduced.
Even just comparing between the present with last year, the differences showed. Before Rodrigo came into the picture, it was not unusual for Helga to step into her office with almost no energy or extremely angry. During the years since Arnold left, she not only seemed lost, but very tired, almost as if she had nothing to live for. Although nothing was explicit, several times Dr. bliss feared Helga may have had suicidal thoughts, which only served to fuel her desire to help her more in the best way that she could without jeopardizing her profession. At every opportunity, Dr. Bliss gave Helga ample reasons to strive forward. Once Rodrigo came into the picture, Dr. Bliss began to see small changes in Helga's attitude and behaviour in each session. And when they started dating, Helga looked completely normal again, if not just outright happy, save for her former angry/aggressive temperament and lack of empathy.
With the influence of both male teens, Dr. Bliss was looking at a mature, intelligence, empathetic young woman; a woman that was capable of pushing away all sorts of challenges and barriers in her life, while at the same time demonstrating compassion, remorse, even love. Now, this young woman was at a crossroads; a decision that will require her to use everything she has learned throughout her life in order to make the best choice for her, a decision that will no doubt change her life forever.
"Do you yourself think if you will ever be free from Arnold?" Dr. Bliss then suddenly asked her.
"It's possible." She said. "Of that I'm sure. But, it may take many months, if not years. The only thing that gives me any confidence about that is that ever since I started dating Rodrigo, I have been feeling more and more able and willing to move on. Before Arnold came to visit us in March, for the first time, I was able to see living a life outside of him and...I felt scared, but the world didn't end. Everything felt that things will turn out OK; that I will turn out OK."
Dr. Bliss just smiled at her and then said,
"Well, at least you have that to feel reassured."
Later that day...
Helga was on the bus, heading home after her therapy session with Dr. Bliss. She still had a lot of thinking to do, and she would have still been thinking, had something not caught her eye.
As she entered the neighbourhood, peeking out from the bus window, she noticed a sad and discouraging site. Houses and apartment buildings had either 'For Sale' or 'Sold' boards beside them. Many local shops and business also had the same boards. Many of those same homes and businesses now had either locks or a wooden board over the door and/or taped windows. The few homes or business that were still vacant were either in the process of setting up the property or sale, or were stubbornly refusing to leave.
Seeing the poor and hopeless state that many residents were facing, Helga shivered as she lividly remembered seeing the same scenario seven years ago. At that time, she cared little for the people living there and the only thing that spurred her to switch sides was her love for Arnold and not wanting to be away from him. Now, Helga couldn't help but feel guilty and remorseful on seeing the demoralized and sad facial expressions that she was seeing on people's faces outside of the bus. Frustrated that she couldn't do anything to help them, she merely turned inwards and looked away. Then, another emotion came running through her mind and body; anger. But, it wasn't anger directed at Von Scheck and his cronies. Her anger was instead, directed at both Arnold and Rodrigo.
Stupid Arnold and Rodrigo. It's their fault we are in this state. Helga angrily thought. We could have dealt with this weeks ago had they not started acting like a bunch of idiots. And everyone else are too narrow-minded, with little brain cells to see this! Sorry Phoebe, but that includes you too!
Despite declaring her neutrality, Helga had asked Phoebe to keep her in the loop, which she agreed to. Her best friend had informed her about the fiasco at City Hall, including their confrontation with Rodrigo and his group on the same day. But since then, she had been silent about any further development. Helga just assumed that she was either busy on helping with Arnold's next plan or had nothing interesting to report. In any case, she didn't ponder about it either.
Yet, as angry Helga was over her friends, she could do nothing. She had already tried to talk some sense to both Rodrigo and Arnold, which amounted to nothing, unless she sided with one of them, which she was not willing to do. She was not going to sink to their level. Helga just let out a sigh and then took out her cell, put her headphones on and started to listen to music in order to ignore the growing reality that was now permeating right around her.
Once the bus made it to her bus stop, Helga got off and walked home. To her surprise, the second she got out, a gust of wind started blowing. It wasn't a strong wind, but it was enough to breathe in some fresh air and to allow her and everyone else to cool down from the blaring heat that was still radiating throughout the city.
Finally, some breeze. She thought. I can at least enjoy this.
Helga then soon made it to her home and entered it, closing the door behind her.
"I'm home!" She called out, which she only met with a deafening silence.
Well, some silence. Despite that no one responded back, Helga could still hear movements and noises around the house. She made her way towards the living room and saw her father there.
"What's going on?" Helga asked Bob.
"What does it look like, Olga?" Her father bluntly said to her. "We're packing. Everyone else is, so there is nothing else for us to do but to also move."
Ignoring the fact that her father still hadn't bothered to learn her name, Helga initially said nothing and just looked at her father with a surprising, as well as a disappointed look.
"That's it?" She said to him. "You're just going to give up, just like that? You're going to let Von Scheck win and let him take our home?"
Normally Bob would have berated her for calling him a quitter and would have given her a strict lecture on the lesson of 'a Pataki never quits'. Instead, he just let out a sigh.
"Olga" Bob calmly said to her as he continued packing boxes, "there comes a time when a man must adapt to the circumstances and make a 'strategic' retreat so he can fight another day."
Helga just stared at her father with an extremely bewildered face. She just couldn't grasp what her own father had just said.
"A 'strategic retreat'?" Helga said exasperatingly. "You call this a strategic retreat? Sounds like you are quitting."
"What, did I stutter?" Bob retorted back loudly. "Yes, this is a strategic retreat! Everyone else is leaving. There is no business to be had in this part of town. And no, this is not quitting! We are merely adapting, going somewhere else where we can earn a good living. Besides, what else would you have me do?"
"Why didn't you support Arnold back at the school meeting?" Helga demanded of him as she walked into the living room. "You could have said something to help him. Yet instead, you remained quiet. You know how devious Von Scheck is after he tried to swindle you from your business. You could have used that as evidence to help him. So, why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't help him young lady, because..." Bob again to shout at her, before then slumping down and lowering his voice, "...because it would have only made things worse for him."
"How?" Helga asked.
"Look Helga," Bob said as he rubbed his eyes, "I'm not stupid. I know that people are still mad at me for siding with Von Scheck to tear this place down the first time. Everyone knows that the only reason why I switched sides was because that no-good swindler tried to double cross me! People have been making stupid comments or remarks at me ever since. Now normally I don't care what people think about me, but because of that, I had no way to help Alfred-"
"Arnold, Bob. It's Arnold." Helga interjected and corrected him for the thousandth time.
"Whatever." Bob said dismissively. "The point is that I thought that if I tried to help him, it would have only made things worse for him. I had no credibility at that meeting, so who was going to listen to me? Frankly, I was rather surprised that no one made any smart-alack remarks at me at that meeting."
Helga said nothing and just stared at her father with a frowning face. She wasn't angry at him, just at the fact that he brought up a good point.
"In any regards," Bob continued to speak as he turned around to continue packing, "after thinking about it for a bit, perhaps it's best if we blow this dump."
"What?" Helga said.
"Yeah, perhaps it's just time for the family to move out of here and go somewhere else; a fresh new start." He said.
"What about your business?" Helga asked.
"What about it? It's still there." Bob stated. "I'm only closing one store, which is in this neighbourhood, but the rest are still open. The money is still flowing Helga, that was never a problem. I'm just doing what Archie would have done in any bad situation; trying to look on the positive side of this. So, I am."
Helga again looked at her father with a bewildered and surprising look. She was stunned that Bob would have known one of Arnold's key personality traits.
He knows that but doesn't yet know his name? She thought.
"Now, quit your yapping Olga, and start packing." Bob then retorted. "I'm sure you have a lot of things in your room to pack, so you'd better get a move on it."
And with that, Bob continued to pack, indicating that their conversation was over.
Helga didn't say anything else and just left the living room so as to head to her room. As soon as she got to the stairs, her mother was walking down from the upper floor.
"Oh hi honey." Miriam said as she climbed down with a big box on her hands. "I didn't hear you come in."
What else is new? Helga rhetorically groaned in thought.
"As you can see, we are busy packing." Miriam said. "There are some empty boxes upstairs that you can use to pack your things. Make sure you pack everything that you want to take with you. Anything you want to throw out, just write 'garbage' on it." She continued as she headed towards the living room to put the box she was holding down.
Helga said nothing and just began to climb upstairs. On the way, she could hear her father in the background,
"Oh for crying out loud Miriam, more boxes?!" He loudly whined. "Crimeny, how much stuff do you have? We can't take all of this with us..."
Big Bob's voice drifted away once Helga made her way down the hallway and then into her room, but not before grabbing a few empty boxes that were just lying in the middle of the hallway. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and just leaned on it. Feeling completely helpless and utterly overwhelmed with everything that had been going on these days few weeks, if not months, Helga just groaned. Indeed, there were so many thoughts floating around in her mind that it was giving her a migraine.
Eventually, she snapped out it and walked towards where her mirror was. Looking right at herself with her usual stern, stoic look, she then went inside her shirt, grabbed something, and pulled out a necklace. It was the necklace Rodrigo have given her for her birthday. Instead of it being a typical heart, or cross, it had the shape of a paper with a plum on the side. The paper design looked white, while the plum had a mixture of gold and blue colour, with an inscription inside it that read, 'Excitare Aude', Latin for 'Dare to inspire'.
For a moment Helga continued to just stare at herself as she fidgeted with the necklace with her hand, remembering those wonderful, happy months of their time as a couple, a time when nothing else mattered, except their time together. Not even the memories of Arnold were enough to prevent Helga from enjoying those happy times to the full extent possible. She didn't let them. Even though it had only been less than two months, Helga already felt those happy moments were a life time ago, as if day by day those memories mattered less and less, urging the person to focus on the now, to do something about it now or just let those memories die out completely.
Ever since she received the necklace, it had remained firmly around her neck, never once taking it off, not even during the summer when their relationship turned severely sour. If anything, that only reinforced her determination to making ensure it remained firmly around her neck. Only when she had to take a shower did she ever take it.
After a few more moments of just looking at it through her mirror, Helga then sighed and put her necklace back inside her shirt, turned around and then began to walk around her room, scanning to see what she was going to pack first.
I can't believe this is happening. She thought with a growing sense of despair. Am I really doing this? Am I really moving out of this place?
After looking around for a bit, Helga then made her way towards her closet and opened it. There, she saw her clothes and her whole series of souvenirs, poems, stories and other works stacked one on top of another. Helga just stood at the entrance, starting at her beloved treasure-trove of works of Arnold that she had accumulated over the years. She said nothing, did nothing. She tried to get in, but her own body stopped her from doing that. Even her own hands refused to cooperate by letting go of the wooden door frame.
While still not moving, she then just turned around and walked toward her nightstand. There, she glanced at the two photos of her and Rodrigo. One photo was of them right after their performance during the Annual Dance Performance that their school hosted that same year. The other was just a random picture that Helga took of them both from her phone during school. Intentionally, she ignored the photos of her and Arnold.
After looking at those two photos for a bit, Helga let out a sigh before then heading to where she put one of the empty boxes. Grabbing one of them, she picked it up, went over to her desk, grabbed a black marker and wrote the word 'GARBAGE' on it. She then headed toward her closet, put the box down beside her, knelt down and then began to scan everything that was in her closet.
Rather carefully looking around, she picked up each item and after thoroughly scanning it, began to make two piles. Those that she wanted to take with her, she put it on the right side. Those that she was going to throw out, she put them inside the box. She wasn't going through any of their clothes or non-personal items. She was instead scanning through all the souvenirs, poems and stories that she had written about Arnold! Her mind was made up; she was going to go through with this. But, she chose carefully what she was going to throw out. Any item that she deemed as 'too personal' or any of her poems or stories that she felt demonstrated her writing ability, she put them on the right side. Everything else was going inside the box. Helga just didn't think about it. She left no room in her mind to debate over this issue. She had swiped it clean from any sense of doubt or other thoughts that would have caused her to have second-thoughts.
She even ignored the pain that she was feeling with every item that she was throwing away. Every time she put one inside the box, she felt a sudden and painful jolt in her chest, close to her heart. With each item, she felt she was throwing away a piece of her formerly beloved Arnold. That alone was painful enough. But what made it almost intolerable was that she was also chipping away a piece of herself. Yet, she moved forward, putting aside the pain and reassuring herself that whatever hole she will be feeling after this is all through, she will be able to fill it up with her new life with Rodrigo.
What is it about this guy that I'm willing to do this for? She wondered. This would have been unthinkable just a few months ago. But now, I'm actually doing it! It's still...painful, but I'm actually doing it.
Am I really falling that hard for him? She continued to think. I don't feel like I am, but there's something about this guy that keeps wanting me to move forward with him. Just what makes him so special? His looks? His kindness? His humour? His intelligence? What?! But then again, what makes Arnold so special?
Helga just sighed as she continued going through every item.
All I know is that I really like him and he was there for me when I needed someone. This may lead to a rather normal and mundane, colourless existence, but...what's wrong with that? What's so wrong about living the quiet life? It may not be what I want, but it maybe what I need. She thought. Maybe Bob is right; maybe this could be the chance for a fresh new start...
After a while, she came across a little pink book. On the surface, it looked any of her other pink books that she had. However, this one had some special significance. Not only was it her first pink book where she had started to write poems, but it was also the one that Arnold accidentally took home, back in the fourth grade. Helga remembered, with some comic fondness, how desperately she tried to retrieve that book back from him without him knowing that it was hers, even going so far as to spend the night inside his closet. After they got together, Helga eventually came clean and confessed to him that that pink book was actually hers and all the poems and stories were about him. Arnold was clearly stunned, but nevertheless finally gave the book back to her. While remembering such memories, she picked the book up, looked at it, then opened it and began reading some of her own works. As she continued reading it, Helga felt a strong sense of sadness coming within her. Such memories of her and Arnold only served to further confuse her about what she was doing, not to mentioned allowing her feelings for the football head to shine through. Not wanting to give up on her mission, she instantly closed it, kissed it and without thinking about the pain that was engulfing her, put the little pink book inside the box and then exhaled strongly, stunned by what she just did, but nevertheless remaining firm on her decision.
Man, it's getting stuffy in here. Helga thought. I need to open the window before I die of a heatstroke.
Helga got up and opened the window a bit, allowing a fresh breeze of air to flow inside her room and into her face. Feeling a bit relieved by the breeze, she exhaled deeply as the wind blew right to her. She stayed there for a bit longer, allowing the breeze to not only cool her down a bit, but also distress her from the impending task that she was doing.
That's better. She thought.
When she was ready, she got back to the task at hand and started scanning the rest of the items.
Then, she came across a small box. But, it wasn't just any small box. Helga knew full well what the box contained, enough for her to gasp when she saw it. If anyone who believed in predetermined destiny wanted a sign or symbol, what was inside that box could not be anything more explicit. Slowly but anxiously, she opened it and saw her pink bow, the very object that started it all. Her pink bow, which to anyone else, would have been nothing more than a piece of accessory decoration over a girl's head. Yet to her, it retained not only the precious reminder of a very special person, but was also the very source that started her down the path that lead to where she was now. The very source of all her woes...and all of her hopes and dreams.
Helga slowly and carefully picked up the pink bow and just stared at it with wide eyes, unsure of what to really do with it. Should she get rid of it? Was she able to? Or, should she keep it, unable to depart from it...for now? For a few agonizing minutes, she just continued to stare it, unable to move. It was an agonizing decision to make, one even she would not wish upon her worst enemy. To get rid of it meant to completely depart from not only Arnold, but a huge piece of her that she had identified herself with since she was three. She had not known anything else. Can she know anything else?
Suddenly, Helga swung her arm towards the garbage box and tried to get rid of it. Now, all she needed to do was just turn her hand and let that box and pink bow drop. Only...she hesitated, unable to do the final step. Again, she froze, unwilling to depart with it.
"Grrrr, damn it!" She finally yelled.
Frustrated and giving in, she instantly closed the box and just threw onto her bed. Only, due to her frustration, she overexerted just how far she threw it. Instead of landing on her bed, it made its way towards the opened window, making a slight banging sound that caught Helga's attention.
Helga turned her head to see where the sudden banging sound came from and upon looking towards the window, she saw with horror at what she had inadvertently did. Her pupils dilated, her skin went white, her heart instantly stopped. Had it not been for what she now had to do, she would have probably fainted. The box, upon hitting the window frame, forced the lid open and out spilled her pink bow, landing on the window frame, but just hardly staying there without it falling.
"No, no, no, no!" She frantically cried out and as she raced to grab it,
"Ooff!" Only to slip on some pieces of papers that were on the floor, forcing her to fall down, but then instantly got up and again and tried to make a grab for it.
She hurriedly and frantically climbed on top of her bed and just was she was about to reach it, when that same gust of wind that had previously relieved Helga of some stress now instantly came back, blowing the pink bow right outside the window, much to Helga's dismay and horror.
"NNOOO!" She hysterically cried out.
She peeked out the window and saw that it had just landed on the tree that was right next to her window. Determined and without thinking about it, she climbed out of the window by putting her feet and legs out first, so she was essentially just sitting on the window frame. Despite the tree being so close, there was still a small gap that separated her from the tree, enough for her to fall if she didn't leap far enough. Helga then realized what she was doing, but not wanting to lose her most precious possession, she inhaled deeply, looked for the nearest branch and leapt out of her window as hard as she could. Luckily, she managed to grab on to the branch that was thick enough to support her weight. She then climbed up and made her way towards the other side of the tree, where her pink bow had landed.
"Come here, you!" She exclaimed as she made her way towards it. Slowly but surely, she was within inches of it and was just about to make another grab for it, when the wind again picked up and blew it away, this time further up.
"AAAAHHHHHH!" She shrieked in abject horror.
Now panicking, she climbed down the tree as fast as she could, not even bothering to see if the branches were strong enough to support her. Luckily, she made it to the ground unscathed and then immediately chased after it.
Helga continued to ran after it, but the wind continued to blow it farther and farther away. At one point, the wind died down, allowing the bow to fall down, but then it instantly picked up again, causing the pink to ascend again, almost as if the wind was taunting her!
"Crimeny. you gotta be kidding me!" She angrily shouted. "What is this, Gone with the Wind?! Out of all the days when there is a wind, I just had to start throwing some of my souvenirs and poems of Arnold now!"
Helga ran after it for a few more blocks. By this time, she was sweating, her heart was pounding hard and with every passing second was panicking. Just then, another gust of wind arrived, blowing the pink bow around a corner. Helga frantically ran up to that same corner, made a turn, but then instantly stopped.
"Where is it? Where is it?!" She hysterically yelled as she looked around for it. It was neither up, nor was it on the ground.
It had disappeared. The wind continued to blow, only this time blowing different directions, which made it almost impossible for Helga to know where it was blown off to. Now losing her last bit of patience and control, Helga frantically went down the street where was she in, crossing the road from one side to the other as she searched every alleyway, every dumpster, garbage bin, any little gap where it could have hopefully fallen.
One hour later...
Helga was now utterly exhausted. She was sweating profusely while breathing heavily. Despite making a valiant attempt to find her pink bow, it had disappeared. That now brought in the sudden and brutal realization that she had just lost the key item that tied her with Arnold. That connection was now symbolically ruptured.
I...can't...believe I...lost it. Helga thought in utter dismay.
Feeling utterly devastated, Helga could no longer cope with the loss she now had to admit and endure. Completely distraught and finding it unbearable, she knelt down to the ground, putting her hands on the floor as well. Furiously, she grinned her teeth. Then, tears started streaming down her checks, which then fell down to the floor. Trying not to given to utter despair, Helga tried to regain some sense of control, but it was no use. The pain and loss was just too great.
"I uh...I can't believe..." She tried to speak tearfully. "It's...gone!"
"My bow!" She whimpered.
Now with the pain being felt everywhere, Helga turned and leaned against the wall of a building, while crouching, almost in a fetal position and started to cry. For twenty minutes, she continued to sob, sometimes punching the pavement with her fist in utter anger. Fuelled with rage, she could do nothing but continue to cry, punch and sometimes even yell.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She angrily cried out as she then hit her head. "Why did I throw it so hard like that?!"
Finally, after almost twenty minutes of constant crying, she finally managed to regain some of her composure and stopped. Her eyes were red from the amount of crying that she did just, her knuckles were either bruised or cut, due to the amount of times she punched the pavement floor. She didn't bother moving. She just stayed on the ground for a few minutes until she managed to gather up the strength to get up and head...home.
Then, she got up and after looking just one more time around, she sadly and despairingly walked home. She had quite a ways to go, enough time for her to re-live this traumatic moment again and again in her mind, blaming herself for losing it.
I can't believe this has happened. She thought. I lost the one item that meant the most to me, the one thing the connected me with Arnold.
"Grrrr, STUPID!" Helga angrily yelled and hit the wall of a building with her fist.
"Ouch!" Helga cried out in pain as she then rubbed her bruised hand.
As angry as she was, it didn't do her any good. It was now gone and there was nothing that she could do.
After walking a few blocks back home, Helga said nothing and did not allow any thoughts to ran through her mind. Still reeling from her loss, she just quietly and sadly walked home...until a sudden thought occurred.
"Maybe..." She softly said to herself with a sniff, "maybe this is a sign. Perhaps I was...*gulp*...meant to lose my pink bow and accept it not as a loss, but as an opportunity."
Helga had to swallow hard when she said that. That last sentence really stung.
"OK, I just have to think about this." She continued. "I was already going to throw some of my souvenirs and poems of Arnold. Sure, they are not was important as my pink bow, but they still meant a lot to me. I was doing all of this for that Latino kid; that was the whole point of this exercise! Yes, I wasn't going to throw my pink bow away, but I know I had to eventually do it. And besides, I still have my other Arnold souvenirs. I can deal with this, right?"
Despite trying to see the positive in all of this, Helga just growled.
"Ugh, crimeny, it's too early to be thinking about the positive side of this. How does Arnold do it?" She groaned to herself.
It was too soon. Helga was still too upset to be able to see anything positive from it without it infuriating her. She let it go for now and just head back home.
Back in her room...
To avoid arousing suspicion, Helga had to climb back up the tree in order to get back to her room. For some reason, climbing up was harder and more dangerous than climbing down. Even worse was the jump that she had to make from the tree to her window.
"Offf!" Helga grunted when she made that jumped and grabbed onto the window frame with her arms and head.
Pulling herself up, she safely made it back to her room. She climbed down to her bed and breathing a sigh of relief, lied there for a little while while still lamenting on her loss.
Once regaining herself, she then got up and walked back to her closet.
Enough for one day. She thought.
She grabbed the box that had a bunch of her Arnold souvenirs, poems and other stories about them together, grabbed the lid and sealed it with tape. Then, she walked out of her room, climbed downstairs, and went to an area that was specifically where the Patakis were putting anything that they were not taking with them.
Helga stopped and again paused for a second, hesitating to actually put the box down.
Oh come on, you coward! She thought to herself. You made it this far. You even lost your...pink bow and your still alive. Just get this over with!
Helga closed her eyes, took a deep breath and without thinking, put the box down, exhaled and then immediately walked back to her room.
Helga made no effort to even look back and glance at it one last time. Determined to see this through to the end, she climbed upstairs without flinching, leaving a portion of Arnold, of her, and their time together, behind forever.
Responses to reviews/Respondiendo a los comentarios:
Veganmama: Thank you! I hope this chapter partially answers your question about Helga. But rest assured, she will have a big role to play in this story. The same goes for Brainy.
Rosali Leon Huamani: Gracias! Lo aprecio!
Cre8ivelybankrupt87: After this chapter, it looks like Bob is running away with his tail between his legs. BUT, let's wait and see.
I hope this chapter answers your question about Helga and whether or not she has some grandiose plan that can unite the two groups.
Yes, I wanted to portray Harold as more emotionally mature, which curiously when it comes to that, he is up to par with Rodrigo, if not even exceeding him.
Precisely for that very reason why I came up with this whole spy thing, just to give Brainy a bit of a spotlight. Plus, this just exposes Arnold's hypocrisy even more.
LOL, true about Brainy. Hm, which begs the question, why did Helga always discovered him? Was Brainy intentionally making his presence known? Did Brainy like getting punched in the face?
I can't ever see Helga liking Brainy, even if they have a lot of things in common. Friends? Definitely. But, Brainy is too weird for Helga to like him, in my opinion.
OH man, why did you cut Brainy out from your story?! I would have loved to see him have more of a role.