Chapter 20

Hello Draco,

My parents are attending an event tonight and my sister has just left to go out with her friends. I don't think they'll be back before the small hours. Would you like to come over and help me browse through my father's library? Maybe we'll find something about A Secret History of Spells that can help us figure out your secret society.

Astoria

Draco Apparated to the spot on Astoria's front lawn, still clutching her letter in his hand. Before returning home to find an impatient owl sitting on his windowsill, he had walked through Diagon Alley, becoming braver and more confident with each step. No one around him paid him even the least bit of attention even though Draco was sure that some had recognised him. Maybe he had even hoped to run into Ron again just so he could prove to the idiot that he had changed. However, nothing whatsoever had happened. Then, once he had received Astoria's invitation, he had rushed out once again, bought enough take-out food to feed an entire family from the nearest shop and Disapparated. This time, on purpose.

Draco hadn't paid as much attention to Astoria's family home the last time, not when he had been busy trying to remember how to breathe, but now that he stood in front of it, he could hardly deny its charm. It wasn't nearly as big or impressive as Malfoy Manor, but in Draco's eyes, that only worked in the house's favour. The lovely two-story cottage stood surrounded by a natural garden and radiated a long history. From the sand-coloured stones, the tall windows, the thatched roof and the Boston ivy that climbed one side of the house, Draco could tell that Astoria's childhood here had probably been a happy one. The cottage had nothing of the cold aloofness of Malfoy Manor, no neatly trimmed lawn that a child would get in trouble for running over. For a moment, Draco thought he could still see the spirits of two young girls playing among the trees, laughing gleefully as they tried to catch each other. Maybe, if he hadn't been a stuck-up idiot, he could have gotten to know Astoria years ago.

"Are you going to stand there forever or will you come in at some point?!"

Astoria's voice tore him out of his thoughts and the brief apparitions vanished. Draco looked up to see her standing in the doorframe, her smile visible even from afar. He set his feet into motion, approaching the cottage. Once he had reached her, Draco felt his heart leap. It was a strange sensation, one he had almost forgotten existed and it made him smile. He was happy, actually happy to see her again.

"Hi," he greeted her, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey," Astoria replied and opened the door a little wider so he could step inside before her eyes fell on the large paper bag he was carrying in his hand. "What's that?"

"Oh, this?" he asked and lifted the bag. "This is dinner. There's a new shop in Diagon Alley that sells this to take home."

He opened the bag so Astoria could glance inside. The savoury scent of grilled chicken filled the air around them in an instant. "Oh, this is Muggle food. I've had that before. It's amazing. Chicken wings and chips," she hummed and closed her eyes to breathe the scent in deeply. "Hmmm, smells just like KFC."

"What on earth is KFC?" Draco asked, confused as to what chicken had to do with Muggle food.

On their way inside, however, Astoria explained all about KFC and the American Muggle restaurant her father had taken her to as a child on a holiday in America. Knowing that they could hardly take the food into the library, Astoria led him into the lounge instead where they sat on the sofa and started eating their dinner. As soon as he had tasted it, Draco found himself chuckling.

"Okay, if this is Muggle food, it's excellent. And Father would probably disown me if he knew I was eating it," he said and took an even larger bite off the chicken wing.

"He has no idea what he's missing," Astoria replied with a grin before she swallowed a chip. Once she had finished chewing, she continued. "My family isn't as anti-Muggle as everyone thinks. Sure, my mother isn't exactly crazy about them, but my father is different. He's curious and he thinks some of their inventions are pure genius. Two years ago, he bought a telly and my mother makes him hide it so no one knows they own Muggle things.

"What's a telly?" Draco wanted to know.

In response, Astoria's eyes grew wide. "Oh, right! You never took Muggle Studies, did you? They made that mandatory after the war. Watching telly is something like their favourite pastime."

Draco watched as she pulled out her wand and waved it around the room. A square box appeared in front of them and he flinched when it suddenly came to life and flashing images appeared on its surface.

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine…"

Draco stood up immediately and he was only vaguely aware of Astoria's chuckling as he circled the strange device that had now begun to emit sounds as well as light. He examined it, trying to figure out how it might work, but the only solution he could come up with was magic.

"It's a movie," Astoria explained. "Some made-up story acted out and recorded for Muggle entertainment."

Once he had finished circling the strange device, Draco walked back towards the sofa and sat down, sure that looking at the glowing front might wield some answers, but no sooner had he touched the sofa than the box went dark.

"What happened?" Draco asked immediately, pointing at the telly. Then, his eyes wandered towards the laughing Astoria. "Did I break it?"

Normally, Draco enjoyed her laughter very much. This time, however, the joke seemed to be on him.

"No," she replied and Draco felt her reach behind his back. Astoria pulled out a black bar with countless buttons. "You just sat on the remote and turned it off."

Draco was just about to ask her how a remote worked, his curiosity about the Muggle device now genuinely sparked, but Astoria waved her wand once more and the device vanished from sight. He would have never guessed that some pure-blood families might be interested in Muggle contraptions and if they were, his father would have called them blood traitors, but seeing Astoria display her father's interests so openly made him think that, maybe, his family had always been the one to get it slightly wrong.

"Enough of that," Astoria said eventually. "I asked you here to do research, not to eat and watch telly."

It was hard to argue with Astoria's energy, so Draco complied and followed her into her family's library. Once more, he realised that it seemed to be the complete opposite of the room that could be found at Malfoy Manor. The large windows illuminated the many bookshelves and a small, cosy sitting corner adorned with comfortable looking wicker chairs practically invited him to sit down with a good book. Whereas the Malfoy library smelled of old books and dust, Draco found a pleasant scent of lavender mingling with the bookish smell.

"We don't have any books about the Dark Arts," Astoria said, "but we might find something in the history books. Split up?"

Draco nodded and followed Astoria towards the shelves. When she vanished into an aisle, he decided to try the next one over. There was the first thing their families undoubtedly had in common and it was their habit of hoarding books. Just like the library in his own home, Astoria's seemed to consist of volumes accumulated over centuries and handed down from generation to generation. Even when both of them were long gone, these books would still exist.

Scanning the shelves for suitable history books, Draco caught glimpses of Astoria's dark hair between the gaps. Then, a larger gap among the books allowed him a perfect view of her pretty face. For a moment, he stood still and just watched her eyes wander over the spines, reading titles at an incredible speed - until she caught him.

"Do I look like a book to you?" she asked, chuckling. "I thought you wanted to figure this out, too?"

Draco ignored her and leaned a little closer. Yes, he wanted to know what the book contained and, maybe, he wanted to try and get it back. There was something about Astoria that made it incredibly hard to say no to her, to not be carried away by her energy and enthusiasm. From the moment they met, Draco had noticed the aura of strength and determination around her, but it had taken him a while to see the warmth and joy, too. The amalgamation of everything that made her Astoria just drew him in and her light illuminated even his dreary life.

"I do," he confirmed. This time, Draco actually meant it. "And you were right. If it's something bad, I have to get the book back."

"Wrong," she interrupted, still smiling. "We have to get it back. I'm not going to let you exclude me."

"Fine," he agreed grudgingly. "We have to get it back. Although I'd rather not put you in danger if I can help it."

Through the gap, Draco watched her place her arms on her hips and glower at him. "I was Duelling Champion in my seventh year at Hogwarts, I took six N.E.W.T.s, I think I can take care of myself."

"Six N.E.W.T.s? Blimey!" Draco exclaimed, genuinely impressed. He had always guessed that Astoria had done well for herself academically, but guessing and knowing were two completely different things. Knowing that he could have had that, too, if he had been brave enough to return to Hogwarts for his seventh year, suddenly made him feel extremely inadequate.

"However," Astoria added, "studying Defence is not the same as actually living through the war. You have first-hand experience, you know how the Dark Arts work, what to expect. That's an advantage I'll never have."

Draco didn't know what to reply to that. He would have willingly given up this particular advantage if it meant he could look back on a normal life that didn't involve torture and death. Meanwhile, Astoria went on to look at her family's books, occasionally taking one from the shelf to skim it before discarding it again. All the while, Draco continued to watch her.

"What was it like, growing up here?" he found himself asking after a few minutes had passed.

Astoria looked up from her book and answered with a soft shrug. "It was good, I guess. My sister and I used to play in here as kids and father would pretend to chase us out. In that corner of there," she said, nodding towards a small nook between the shelves, "I asked Daphne for advice on my very first crush when we were home for the Christmas holidays in my fourth year."

"That boy from Ravenclaw?" Draco asked and suddenly felt the tiniest stab of jealousy. Not because he had become her boyfriend, but because he had seen her while Draco was entirely oblivious to her existence.

Astoria nodded. "He was sweet, at first. But Quidditch was always more important to him than I was. And seeing that I know next to nothing about the sport, that could never have worked out," she explained with a chuckle. When she grew quiet again, Draco felt her inquisitive eyes on him once again. He knew that she was about to ask him something personal just by looking at her expression. "What broke up you and Pansy Parkinson?"

Draco snorted and the sound turned into a strangely bitter laugh. He hardly thought about Pansy at all anymore, the memories of her so entwined with the war that he couldn't bear them. Maybe he had liked her once, but their relationship was never what it should have been. Instead of a teenage romance, Draco merely looked back at his desperate attempts to escape the darkness.

He opened his mouth, but he couldn't quite find the words to admit to Astoria that he had never really loved Pansy, afraid of what she would think of him.

"What is it?" Astoria asked when he failed to speak.

"Pansy was… Merlin's beard, I don't even know what that was," he said, cursing under his breath and lowering his eyes so Astoria couldn't look at them. "I didn't love her, not for a single moment. I know she loved me and I took advantage of that because I just wanted one thing in my life that was normal. I thought she could help me escape the mess I was in for just an hour or maybe even just a minute, but being with her always felt wrong. I thought Pansy would make me feel better, but she only made me feel worse."

When Draco finally dared to look at her again, he found Astoria nodding as if she understood. For a small moment, it made him feel angry. "Don't say you understand," he hissed. "Don't say it's okay, because I know it's not. I treated her like dirt and if I could take it back, I would, but it's the same as the Mark on my arm. What I did is always going to be a part of me. I can't undo or erase it. This is the person you chose to be friends with!"

To his surprise, Astoria's eyebrows turned into a frown. "Why are you shouting at me?"

"I don't know!" Draco replied angrily. Then, he realised what he was doing and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just that-"

"You think you're not deserving of a normal life after what you've done?"

The anger left Draco as quickly as it had come over him when Astoria once more hit the nail on the head. Spending time in her presence made him feel eternally grateful, but also always afraid that he was going to lose it at any given moment.

"You do, Draco," Astoria reassured him. "You do deserve it. And for the record, I wouldn't have been friends with the prick you were at school, but I would have been friends with the boy I caught crying in the common room. Do you want to know why? Because he wasn't pretending. That was the real you.This is the real you. I want to be friends with the Draco who doesn't deny that he is unhappy, the one who can admit he messed up, the one who laughs and always immediately looks surprised because he can't believe he's actually feeling happy, the one who offers to cook me dinner despite the fact that he can't even boil an egg. There is goodness in you, Draco."

Her words and the smile on her face suddenly tugged at his heart.

"I've only caught glimpses of it," she said, "but I believe there is a lot more. You just need to let it show a little more often."

Draco opened his mouth to respond, but Astoria lifted her index finger in a warning gesture.

"Just don't ever mistake my kindness for weakness."

To his own surprise, Draco laughed. "I'm not suicidal, Astoria."

Finally, her face lit up with a smile once more. "That's the spirit," she said before her voice took on a more determined tone. "Now, back to business."

With that, she pulled another book from the shelf and opened it, but Draco had a feeling that they would be stuck here for days if they didn't increase their speed. Instead of reaching for a book, he pulled out his wand and closed his eyes, focusing very hard on what he wanted to find. He had no idea if it actually worked, no idea if he was capable of this kind of magic, but in Astoria's presence, he was brave enough to try. If he was almost battered to death by books, he was sure that she would try her best to save him.

"Accio book!" Draco exclaimed and braced himself for the impact.

When he finally dared to look, Draco noticed that only a single book came flying towards him and, with the instincts of a Seeker, he caught it gracefully while Astoria came hurrying around the corner.

"What the hell, Draco?! Calling for a book in a library?! You could've been crushed to death!"

With a proud grin, Draco held up the book. "I focused on books about A Secret History of Spells," he explained and carefully left out the part where he wasn't sure that it actually worked that way.

Another flick of his wand opened the book and the pages started turning themselves over at increasing speed until the magic stopped. Draco lifted the book and began to read, all the while ignoring Astoria's reproachful glance.

"For more information about A Secret History of Spells," he said, reading from the little footnote, "see Acheronian Magics."

With a sigh, Astoria's shoulders dropped. Nevertheless, she raised her wand and tried. "Accio Acheronian Magics."

Nothing happened.

"Well, that was unhelpful."

"Not entirely," Draco replied carefully. "I've seen that book before."

Astoria's head shot around and she looked at him with wide eyes. "Where? Your father's library?"

Slowly, he shook his head and bit down on his lip. "It's in the Hogwarts library. In the forbidden section. So, yeah, you were right. It was unhelpful."

"Not exactly," Astoria replied and a strange smirk appeared on her face. "We just have to pay our old school a little visit."

Draco scoffed. "Yeah, right, cause they'll just let us walk into the forbidden section to do some research on the Dark Arts."

"Do you realise that the Hogwarts library is probably the only place where this book still exists? The Ministry purge destroyed books from all private libraries, but McGonagall wouldn't let them touch the library at Hogwarts."

"Except that we're no longer students and even if we were, the forbidden section was always off-limits," Draco argued.

"Says the boy who obviously sneaked in somehow," Astoria replied, ignoring his protests. "Also, you never properly graduated, so you never got the speech about how former students are always welcome to come back if they need anything. And yes, McGonagall was talking about the library especially."

"So you're going to write to the headmistress and ask if you can have a look at books about the Dark Arts?"

Astoria smiled and nodded. "Precisely."

"That's completely mental," he growled, but he knew better than to argue with her enthusiasm. He would just have to comfort her once the rejection letter from McGonagall arrived.