Maura stood, frozen on the spot, the gun in her hand. Richard Bucks stared at her; his lifeless body sat upright bearing into her soul. She tried to close her eyes, but her eyelids wouldn't move. The lifeless body moved, he blinked, he stood up moving towards her with his hands outstretched.
"Murderer."
She tried to run. She tried to open her mouth, to scream, to shout, to cry, but nothing happened.
The room went dark. Richard Bucks vanished into the nothingness. Pitch black like the dead of night miles from any lights. She turned around, searching for light, her heart rate sped along. She turned in the direction she thought she'd come from, and ran, headfirst into something warm.
"Maura?"
"Jane?" She wrapped her arms tightly around her, desperate for comfort.
But Jane pushed her away with such force that she stumbled backwards, landing hard against the concrete. "You murdered a detective."
"But…"
"He was my colleague. My friend."
"Jane…"
"You killed him. You murdered him. Murderer."
Silence followed. Maura got to her feet. She reached out in front of her, fumbled through the air but there was nobody there. She turned round, took a couple of steps in each direction. It was too dark to see anything.
Then a spotlight lit up across the room. She spun so fast she almost fell again.
Her father stood over a woman crouched on the floor. "I told you not to come round here."
She sobbed into her hands. "I wanted to see her."
"You can't."
"But she's my little girl."
"She's my little girl." She tried to stand but he smacked her across the face, forcing her back down. "Leave, get as far away from Boston as you can. I'll pay for your plane ticket. Leave us alone. Don't ever come back here."
"I can't, not without Maura."
"Then I'll make you," he said, standing over her with a gun in one hand.
The gun clicked. He pressed it against the woman's head. "All right. I'll leave. Anywhere you want. Just don't kill me."
The spotlight vanished leaving Maura in darkness. Her chest throbbed. Each breath became impossible. A weight settled on her chest. She gasped out, tried to shout to her father, but her voice wouldn't work. She tried to scream, to run, but she was frozen to the spot again.
"Who was she?"
Her own voice surrounded her, barely a child. She turned, confused.
"Your mother."
Her father's voice replaced it. The darkness swallowed the words.
"Where did she go?"
"She died, Maura."
"Did you hurt her?"
"No. She left. Then she died."
"I don't believe you."
"You will believe me because it's the damn truth."
A hand hit her cheek. The sting of skin on skin weakened her knees and she crumbled to the floor, clutching her face.
"Don't hurt me, Daddy."
She opened her eyes. The bedroom was dark. Maura sat up, gasping for breath. She tried to speak but her heart raced. Every time she tried to breath; her chest constricted. Her eyes filled with tears as she struggled to relax.
"What's wrong?" Jane asked, her voice barely audible against her pillow.
"I'm fine," Maura whispered, but her voice betrayed her.
Jane sat up, cradling her in her arms. "That's not true."
"Weird dream." She wrapped her arms around Jane and settled her head against her chest. She listened to the steady beat of her heart.
"Tell me about it. Maybe it'll help."
She closed her eyes. The flash of images moved back and forth through her brain. The sound of Jane's heart rate settled her down until she felt her breaths return to normal. "Just a dream I used to have as a child. I'm okay now."
"Are you sure?" Maura nodded against her. They shuffled back down in the bed, arm in arm. Jane kissed the side of her face. "Try to sleep. You're safe."
X
The new warehouse was not unlike the previous one. Maura stood in her father's office, the memory of her dreams the night before flooding her mind. She took a seat across the desk and tried to focus on her father's words.
"There's problems. Someone trying to take over my turf. We're dealing with it but there's a risk. Now you're more involved, and because you're my daughter, it's become significantly higher. I need to know you'll be safe." He placed a Glock on the desk between them. "I need you to keep yourself safe."
She felt her chest tighten. "You want me to carry a gun?"
"Yes. Take it home. Put it someplace safe. When you leave the apartment, take it with you."
"What if someone catches me?"
"If they catch you the gun will be the least of your worries," he said. "You carry large amounts of drugs and cash around with you, Maura. The gun is just another thing you need to do your job."
"I don't know how comfortable I am carrying," she said, picking up the weapon. She turned it over in her hand. She wrapped her fingers around it. She gasped. "This is the one…"
"The one what?"
"The one I…we…the one used to kill Richard Bucks."
He shrugged and sat back, linking his fingers over his stomach. "It fit you well. Let's just call that a test drive."
"But…"
He leant forward. He narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth. "Are you trying to argue with me, Maura? Cause I can still take that girl of yours out. It's this or I have someone tail you."
"No." She stood up, slipping the gun into her purse. "It's fine. I'll take it."
X
She pushed aside her cotton shirts and slid the Glock into the drawer. She moved the clothing across the space in front of it, pushed the drawer shut, and closed the wardrobe door.
"What are you doing?" Jane asked, standing in the doorway. Maura sprang up, panic coursing through her veins. "I thought we were gonna grab some pizza?"
Maura forged a smile and tugged Jane towards her with the lapels of her shirt. "Just putting some clothes away. I was thinking…" she linked Jane's fingers and moved their arms between them. "Maybe we could skip the pizza and go straight to…" She raised her eyebrows and licked her lips.
"I could skip pizza," Jane said, wrapping an arm around Maura's waist and pulling her closer. She brushed her lips against Maura's until she let out a small moan. "Suddenly I'm hungry for something else."
X
The weight of the gun felt heavy in her hand. Maura walked through the warehouse; her hand outstretched, ready for whatever obstacle might come her way. When she rounded the corner, a man appeared with an assault rifle. She gripped the trigger, pulling as hard as she could, but the gun jammed. She pressed down again and again.
The moment slowed down. The man across the room moved at half speed. He clocked her, lifted the gun, and fired.
Panic rose up inside of her as she gripped the trigger, repeatedly forcing it down. Nothing happened.
She tried to move, but her feet were frozen to the floor. Her heart raced. Her chest ached. Jane's eyes flashed before her eyes as the bullets hurtled towards her in slow motion.
The second the bullets hit; she opened her eyes and let out a yelp.
Her body was soaked, shaking, every inch of her skin hot to touch. She sat up suddenly, grappling with the bedsheets to free herself from their prison.
"Finally," Jane said, popping her head round the door. "Thought you were gonna sleep all night. Pizza's ready." She narrowed her eyes. "You all right?"
She rubbed her eyes, disguising the panic she knew was spread across her face. She let out a soft groan. "Just tired."
"Come have some food then we can go back to bed," Jane said, reaching forward.
Maura slipped on some clothes, took her hand and followed her into the kitchen. She took a seat at the small dining table where Jane had laid out the pizza. Exhaustion overwhelmed her, swallowing up the very last of her energy. She nibbled on a slice of pizza, ignoring the thrum of her heart, and the nausea swirling around in her stomach.
"You sure you're all right?" Jane asked, resting a hand over Maura's.
She pulled her fingers away and wiped the sweat from her palm across her knee. She forged a smile and nodded. "Didn't realise how tired I was."
Jane smirked. "Don't worry, I won't jump your bones again before bed."
The flash of the gun in her hand, of the bullet hurtling towards her, of Jane's face being the last thing she saw filled her with panic. She pushed her chair back and stood up, tossing the pizza onto her plate. "I think you should go back to your apartment."
She walked across the room, opened the door to the balcony and walked outside. Jane was hot on her tail. "What? Now? It's after nine. I thought…"
"You were right. You need to go home eventually." She gripped the balcony railing. The wind on her face settled her nausea. She focused on the gentle brush of the air against her skin. She turned around, forcing herself to look into Jane's eyes. "It's time."
"I meant in the morning, not at nine fucking thirty at night." Jane's jaw tightened. "I don't understand."
Maura felt guilt, and regret. "You're scared of going home, of being there alone where he saw us, but you don't need to b…"
"No, I'm not." Jane scrunched up her face. "I didn't say I was scared. I don't fucking care about that apartment. It's not home anymore, you are."
The attempt to send her on her way wasn't working as Maura expected. She turned back around and watched the city streets down below. Nausea flooded her again. The thought of the bullet penetrating her skin brought tears to her eyes. The remnants of the dream barely dissipated.
"I don't want you to stay tonight," Maura said, forcing conviction into her voice where she knew there was none. "You need to go home eventually. Tonight is eventually."
"Bullshit."
"Don't fight me on this, Jane."
"I'm not fucking going without talking about it. You're pushing me away. I don't know why, or what's going on, but you're pushing me the fuck away and I deserve to know why."
Maura didn't have the energy to fight. She needed a couple of Tylenol and a full night's sleep. But Jane wasn't backing down. She kept her back turned, in the hope she wouldn't see the look of anguish she knew was still on her face.
"I'm not ready to live together," Maura said. "It's too much too quickly."
"We're not living together. I've been here for a few nights."
"Too many nights." Maura rubbed her temple. She needed a rest. "You can't talk about pushing someone away, you didn't tell me what happened when you came home in a foul mood after work."
"Don't fucking turn this around to be about me."
"But you didn't," Maura said, focusing her attention on a balcony on another building nearby. "You didn't talk to me; you beat the shit out of Richard and then you moved on."
"Richard?"
"The dummy."
"You called your dummy Richard? Like Dick?"
Maura groaned loudly. "That's not the point. This isn't going to work if you're not honest with me."
"It's not gonna work if you push me away," Jane said.
"Maybe it's not going to work."
Jane's voice broke. "What?"
"I didn't mean that." Maura sighed. She spun round slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm just really…tired. I need a night to myself. Please, Jane. It's been so intense, it's overwhelming. I need a couple of days. Just give me a couple of days."
Closing the gap between them, Jane took her hand and cupped her face. "Don't do this Maura. I can see it in your face, something is wrong."
"I told you…"
"You're tired. But tired doesn't make someone…"
She shrugged and cut Jane off. "I never do well when I'm tired. It fucks me up. I need a few days to recover. I love you. I want to be with you. Please give me this, Jane."
"Okay." Jane gave her hand a quick squeeze and kissed her briefly. "I'll see you soon."
A few minutes later Maura could hear the sound of the front door closing. She stared out across the city again. Staring down at the ground, she could see the small shape of Jane's body as she unlocked her car on the street. Her chest ached. Absence made her feel worse, but she knew that if she was there, she would ask more questions and Maura wasn't ready for that. Once Jane had driven away, she balled up her fists and let out a scream of frustration.