Chapter 27: Mike Teevee Gets Sent By Wonkavision

Author's Note: Oh, yeah! I'm on a roll now, everyone! I am so excited to present this chapter to you all, and I hope that you all will have so much fun reading it! As for why exactly I asked what happens in Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, you'll find out in this chapter! :) But first, I need to respond to your reviews.

ABBAbethTheHamster, I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter! As for the third hint, I viewed it to be when Mr. Wonka addressed Charlie in the Wonkavision Room specifically. Of course, you could also view it as an event carried over from the book, but in the context of this script, this is the third time he specifically addressed him compared to the other children. He could've asked Mrs. Teevee or Grandpa Joe to grab the bar, but he decided to choose Charlie. And yes, "his favorite group member" was part of my novelization.

emeraldphan, I agree with you, although Mr. Wonka told me to tell you, "But of course, my dear! This isn't actual television! It's Wonkavision! As for the compliments on my inventions, you can expect many more wonderful, whimsical things to happen in future chapters!"

And now, I hope that you'll enjoy the next chapter, everyone! :)

"Mr. Wonka," Mike Teevee asked, "can you send other things...not just chocolate, I mean?"

"Anything you like," Mr. Wonka answered him.

"What about people?" the boy asked curiously.

"People!" cried Mr. Wonka. "Good heavens, child, I really don't know!...I suppose one could...yes, I'm pretty sure one could...I wouldn't like to risk it, though...it might…"

Before Mr. Wonka could finish speaking, Mike Teevee was off and running towards the camera.

"...have some very nasty results...Hey, where's he going?!"

"Look at me!" shouted Mike Teevee, running towards the camera. "I'm going to be the first person in the world to be sent by television!"

"No no no no no!" cried Mr. Wonka. "Stop! Come back!"

"Mike!" screamed Mrs. Teevee. "Mike! Don't! Mike! Stop!"

"See you later, alligator!" said Mike, ignoring everyone else around him. He was at the other side of the room by now, and leaped towards the huge lever that set off the camera. He pushed it down, standing in front of the camera lens as it happened. Then, there was a blinding flash. All that was left was complete silence.

Mrs. Teevee ran forward, then stopped. Ran forward again, then stopped again, staring at the spot where her son once stood. He had completely vanished.

"Mike!" screamed Mrs Teevee hysterically. "Where are you?!"

"He's whizzing above our heads in a million tiny pieces!" remarked Grandpa Joe, and they all looked up.

"Mike!" shouted Mrs. Teevee. "Mike! Come back!"

"It's no good shouting, woman!" said Mr. Wonka. "Watch the screen!"

The group crowded around the television screen as Mr. Wonka began to fiddle with a couple knobs on it.

"Oh, oh, oh!" cried Mrs. Teevee. "I can't bear it! Come back to me, Mike! Why's he taking so long?"

"He'll come through in the end!" Mr. Wonka reassured her. ""He's bound to! The only thing is...I do hope he comes through whole."

"You what?!" shrieked Mrs. Teevee.

"What I mean is I hope no bits of him get left behind," responded Mr. Wonka.

"You're joking!" Mrs. Teevee screamed.

"It happens often," Mr. Wonka explained, "I'm afraid, with chocolate. Only about half of the bar comes through."

"Half!" screamed Mrs. Teevee. "Which half?!"

"Let's hope it's the top half," said Grandpa Joe.

"Hold your hats!" interrupted Mr. Wonka. "Something's coming!"

The screen began to flicker, then wavy lines appeared. Mr. Wonka adjusted the knobs, then the lines disappeared.

"Here he comes!" exclaimed Mr. Wonka. "Yes, that's him, all right!"

"Is he all in one piece," asked Mrs. Teevee.

"Too early to tell," Mr. Wonka answered.

A few seconds later, an image of Mike Teevee appeared on the television screen. He was only about three inches tall.

"Mike!" cried Mrs. Teevee. "Are you all right? Are you all there?"

"He never was, was he?" remarked Grandpa Joe.

"He's awfully small!" Charlie Bucket remarked.

"He's a midget!" cried Grandpa Joe.

"Mike!" exclaimed Mrs. Teevee. "Talk to me, Mike! Are you all all right?"

"Look at me, mum!" waved Mike Teevee, grinning on the screen. "I'm the first person ever to be sent by television!"

"Grab him quick!" Mr. Wonka ordered.

Mrs. Teevee grabbed her tiny son out of the screen.

"How splendid!" said Mr. Wonka happily. "He's completely unharmed!"

Everyone looked at Mike, who was running around on her mother's palm.

"You call that unharmed?" cried Mrs. Teevee.

"He's shrunk," observed Charlie.

"Of course he's shrunk," answered Mr. Wonka. "That's Wonkavision."

"I can't send him back to school like this!" exclaimed Mrs. Teevee. "He'll get trod upon!"

"Don't want to go back to school!" squeaked Mike Teevee. "Want to watch the telly!"

"Never again!" said Mrs. Teevee angrily. "I'm throwing that beastly thing clear out the window!"

"You can't do that!" Mike Teevee yelled, beginning to throw a tantrum. "You can't throw my telly away! I'll kill you if you throw my telly away! I'll-!"

At that remark, Mrs. Teevee slapped her son on his back with her thumb.

"Be quiet, you silly boy!" she said sternly, then looked at Mr. Wonka. "Now then, Mr. Wonka, what, may I ask, do you propose doing about this?"

"Well…" thought Mr. Wonka, "fortunately small boys are extremely springy and elastic. They stretch like mad. So what we'll do, we'll put him in a special machine I have for testing the stretchiness of chewing-gum. That ought to pull him out quite a bit."

"How far d'you think he'll stretch?" Grandpa Joe asked.

"Who knows," answered Mr. Wonka. "Maybe for miles."

"I suppose he'll get thinner when you stretch him," Charlie Bucket said.

"Everything gets thinner when it's stretched," responded Mr. Wonka. "But have no fear. If he gets too madly thin, we'll soon fatten him up again with Wonkavite!"

At this, he began writing out instructions on a small pad of paper.

"Wonkavite contains Vitamins A…" he said, then began speaking extremely fast. "B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z! It comes in chocolate bars. Each bar contains twenty-six different vitamins!"

"I don't want any vitamins!" Mike complained, beginning to throw another tantrum. "I don't want to be stretched! I want to watch telly!"

"Oh, be quiet!" snapped Mrs. Teevee. She gripped her son in her fist, then placed him in her purse. The purse began to rattle fiercely.

With that, Mr. Wonka took out his silver whistle and blew into it. The tune began to play, and one Oompa-Loompa appeared, grinning.

"To the Gum-Stretching Test Room!" Mr. Wonka ordered the Oompa-Loompa. "Follow these instructions."

Mr. Wonka handed the Oompa-Loompa the piece of paper that he had written the instructions out on.

"You'll find the boy in his mother's purse."

"Are you quite sure that…" Mrs. Teevee said, before being interrupted.

"No arguments please," said Mr. Wonka. "Off you go! Goodbye, Mrs. Teevee! A pleasure knowing you! A great pleasure! I hope we'll meet again someday!..."

The sound of drums began to play…

"Ah!" remarked Grandpa Joe excitedly. "They're going to sing again!"

"Let's go closer," suggested Charlie.

Over by the camera, the Oompa-Loompas began to sing a song.

(Deletions as in book, Dahl said, but you know what happens by now. In this song, I changed the "Teavee" at the end to this script's "Teevee")

"The most important thing we've learned,

So far as children are concerned,

Is never, NEVER, NEVER let

Them near your television set–

Or better still, just don't install

The idiotic thing at all.

In almost every house we've been,

We've watched them gaping at the screen.

They loll and slop and lounge about,

And stare until their eyes pop out.

(Last week in someone's place we saw

A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

They sit and stare and stare and sit

Until they're hypnotised by it,

Until they're absolutely drunk

With all the shocking ghastly junk.

Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,

They don't climb out the window sill,

They never fight or kick or punch,

They leave you free to cook the lunch

And wash the dishes in the sink–

But did you ever stop to think,

To wonder just exactly what

This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSES IN THE HEAD!

IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!

IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!

IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND

HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND

A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!

HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!

HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!

HE CANNOT THINK–HE ONLY SEES!

'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,

'But if we take the set away,

What shall we do to entertain

Our darling children? Please explain!'

We'll answer this by asking you,

'What used the darling ones to do?

'How used they keep themselves contented

Before this monster was invented?'

Have you forgotten? Don't you know?

We'll say it very loud and slow:

THEY…USED…TO…READ! They'd READ and READ,

AND READ and READ, and then proceed

To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!

One half their lives was reading books!

The nursery shelves held books galore!

Books cluttered up the nursery floor!

And in the bedroom, by the bed,

More books were waiting to be read!

Such wondrous, fine, fantastic takes

Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales

And treasure isles, and distant shores

Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,

And pirates wearing purple pants,

And sailing ships and elephants,

And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,

Stirring away at something hot.

(It smells so good, what can it be?

Good gracious, it's Penelope.)

The younger ones had Beatrix Potter

With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,

And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,

And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and–

Just How The Camel Got His Hump,

And How The Monkey Lost His Rump,

And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,

There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole–

Oh, books, what books they used to know,

Those children living long ago!

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,

Go throw your TV set away,

And in its place you can install

A lovely bookshelf on the wall.

Then fill the shelves with lots of books,

Ignoring all the dirty looks,

The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,

And children hitting you with sticks–

Fear not, because we promise you

That, in about a week or two

Of having nothing else to do,

They'll now begin to feel the need

Of having something good to read.

And once they start–oh boy, oh boy!

You watch the slowly growing joy

That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen

They'll wonder what they'd ever seen

In that ridiculous machine,

That nauseating, foul, unclean,

Repulsive television screen!

And later, each and every kid

Will love you more for what you did.

P.S. Regarding Mike Teevee,

We very much regret that we

Shall simply have to wait and see

If we can get him back his height.

But if we can't–it serves him right."

Author's Note: There we are! Mike Teevee's first draft exit! Which do you like better- this one, or the final one? As for me, I prefer this one due to it very slightly expanding on the book by giving Mike a second tantrum. I found it interesting that Wonka-Vite from Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator is present here, albeit with its name spelled slightly different, and with a different effect (Hint, that's the reason I asked what happened in that story, because I was teasing that moment). The only gripe I have with this is I wish he kept Vitamin Wonka, as well the joke with Vitamins H and S (Vitamin H makes you grow horns out of your head, and Vitamin S makes you sick. Vitamin Wonka makes your toes grow as long as your fingers.). Other than those moments being removed, I prefer this one. As for the next chapter...oh, boy. It's very exciting. I won't give anything specific out, but I believe that what comes next is better than how the book and final 1971 movie executed it. I had so much fun writing it, and it's my favorite moment in the script, tied with the corridor tour in Chapter 23. You can expect Chapter 28 to be published either tomorrow, or the day after that, so stay tuned!

Until then,

Gabe S. :)