Chapter 22
Songs:
Pardon Me, Staind
Pieces, Rob Thomas
Failure, Breaking Benjamin
**Link to YouTube playlist in chapter 1.
*Fiddling was had, and changes were made. All mistakes are mine.
*We've officially crossed into AU territory on this one. LOL. When I started writing this fic, I had no idea where we'd be just a few months later. So, for the sake of this story, let's all pretend there is no pandemic and Disneyland is open. ;)
Edward
Running my ass back and forth between the shop and home and back again is catching up with me. I'm exhausted. I'm also having a hard time concentrating on work. After walking into the middle of the discussion my mother seemed to be forcing on Bella, I'm worried about just how far she would have taken it if I hadn't shown up when I did.
The look Mom gave me when she walked out makes me think I'm going to have more trouble with her than I'd anticipated.
I look toward the office and spot her sitting at her desk, looking out toward the lot, seemingly lost in thought. She's been quiet since she arrived an hour ago, only occasionally looking my way. I know she's processing what she saw this morning and what it all means.
A loud, over-exaggerated yawn comes out of Mac, snapping me from my thoughts, and I turn back to the car on the lift over my head.
"Isn't anybody else fucking beat?" Mac asks, looking around the shop. "Why am I the only one tired?"
"You're not. You're just the only one bitching about it." I walk over to one of the parts shelves and grab the brake pads I need. "I actually went home yesterday and slept."
Mac smirks. "Yeah, well you didn't have a pissed off wife waiting at home for you. And when she finally got over herself, the makeup sex was fucking spectacular. I only slept for a few hours before I had to haul my ass back in here."
I smile, keeping the more private details of my day to myself.
"What the fuck are you grinning about, E?" Jazz asks, cocking a brow from his spot across the shop floor. "Something you want to share with the class?"
I look his way. "No, not really."
"Does it have anything to do with the fact that Buzz spent all night outside your house watching Bella?" Mac asks.
My grin widens, but I don't say another fucking word.
"Look at that smile, man," Jazz says to Mac. "That's the smile of a man who has a secret he really wants to share."
I shake my head. "Nah, man. Just keeping shit close to the vest for now."
"So, there is a secret?" Mac asks, sounding like a gossipy, giddy woman.
"Nothing I'm sharing with any of you assholes any time soon." I remove the bolts holding the calipers in place and slide the whole mess off the rotor, swinging it out of the way.
"Edward," Mom calls from the office, "a package showed up with your name on it."
"Be right there." I wipe my hands on a shop towel and head her way. She's sitting at her desk when I walk into the room, and she hands me the padded envelope.
"You ordered more patches?" she asks, likely recognizing the company's name in the return address.
My brow furrows in confusion. "You know we ordered these weeks ago, Mom. All the guys get one."
"Oh, I forgot." She shakes her head. "I guess I've been a little distracted today."
I meet her questioning eyes, and instead of discussing the safe topic of memorial patches, she moves into potentially dangerous territory.
"Want to tell me why you're back with Bella?"
"Just gonna jump right into it, huh?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Well?"
"No, Mom, I really don't want to tell you anything about Bella and me. What I do and who I do it with is none of your business."
She barks out a humorless laugh. "She said the exact same thing to me this morning."
"I'm glad to see we're on the same page."
"So, you're sleeping with her?"
"I am definitely not answering that."
She purses her lips. "You know it's not a good idea."
"And why the fuck should I care about what you think?"
"Because I'm your mother, and—"
"And nothing. I'm almost thirty years old. You don't get a say in my life anymore."
"So you keep telling me. But you don't seem to be thinking clearly. She's going to hurt you."
"If anything, I'd hurt her by—once again—letting people interfere in our lives. But I'm not going to let that happen. And I don't appreciate you coming into my house and attacking my guest."
"Guest? You don't fuck guests, Edward."
I take a long stride toward her, getting in her face. "What she is to me is none of your concern. If I want to fuck her, it's my business. If I want to date her, it's my business. If she'd have me and I want to haul her ass to Vegas and marry her, that's my business, not yours. We've got way too much shit to work out to worry about you interfering in it, so save us all the trouble and stay the fuck out of it. What's between Bella and me is between us and no one else."
"Between you and her?" she scoffs. "Who knows what kind of diseases Masen brought home to her. Has she even been tested? If you're sleeping with her, you're fucking every whore he—"
"Don't. Just shut your goddamn mouth." I bite the inside of my cheek, only briefly contemplating my next words, but the ire burning in her eyes makes me want to knock her down a peg or two. "If I were you, I'd be more worried about what your husband's bringing home when he's out on runs. After all, old habits die hard."
"You think that hurts me? Is that what you want?" She leans back in her chair and folds her arms across her chest. "I can already see it; she's going to pull you away from me."
I chuckle and shake my head, tired of her meddling. "It's time to cut the cord, Mom."
With the envelope in hand, I stalk out of the office and go back to work. It takes me less than an hour to finish the brake job I'm working on, and I can't get out of there fast enough.
The ride over to McCarty films isn't all that far, but it feels like ages before I finally pull into the lot. I park next to Buzz's ride and march inside. Like usual, my presence turns a few heads, but I ignore the attention. Instead, I'm focused on getting to my girl.
I want to call her my old lady, but I'm not sure we're there yet. I'm worried that too much talk of labels or what we are could spook her. I already know I need to tread lightly with her, no matter how much I want to fast forward through the getting reacquainted business and make what we have permanent.
I've waited too damn long for another shot with her—one I didn't think I'd ever get—and being patient is going to be a fucking nightmare.
I pass Buzz in the lobby as he chats up one of the actresses and head down the hallway toward Bella's office. When I round the corner, I'm met with the sight of an oiled-up muscle head looming over my girl's desk.
"Come on, baby. We don't even have to go out if you think it's too soon. We could just fu—"
Her head snaps up from her desk, and her eyes narrow. "Listen, Paul, is it?"
The dumbass nods, and I hang back to watch with a grin on my face. I've seen this look on her before.
"Do you know what happened to the last guy who suggested we go out or even just fuck?"
The thick-necked idiot shifts on his feet, no doubt hearing the tone of her voice. My balls are crawling up inside me to hide, and she's not even directing that shit at me.
"I threatened to remove his moneymaker from his body. So, if you'd like to keep your dick, I suggest you take it elsewhere but keep it away from me. Besides," she says, her tone changing once more, "I don't think the guy hovering outside my office would appreciate you encroaching on his territory." She smiles as her eyes finally flash to me, and I raise a brow, impressed she knew I was here all along. "Hey, you."
"Hey." I walk past the dumbstruck idiot and kiss her, putting a little extra tongue in it just for kicks. And when I pull away, leaving no question about whom she belongs to, I turn back to the asshole. "Do we have a problem here?"
"No, man. I didn't know she was with anybody. Sorry about that." He turns and hightails it the fuck outta her office.
"You showed up just in time. I thought for sure I was going to have to perform some kind of crude castration with a letter opener."
I look down at her but cringe away. "Don't talk about that shit, baby. Especially when said letter opener is within arm's reach."
She giggles. "Like I'd do anything to maim something that brings me so much joy."
"Well, there's more joy to come as soon as we can get out of here. You about done for the day?"
She looks over the stacks on her desk and puffs out her cheeks, blowing out the air. "There's no way I'm going to get this done tonight. There's been one problem after another, so Rose has been distracted. She won't miss me if I duck out a little early."
She gathers her things and I follow her out, letting Buzz know he's off duty for tonight. She climbs into the Nova, and I can't help but think about how good she looks behind the wheel. I follow her home, meeting her smiling eyes in the car's rearview mirror every time we stop.
She pulls into the garage, and I pull in beside her, cutting my engine.
"How about some dinner?" she asks as she pulls her purse strap over her shoulder, closing the car door.
"You don't mind? We could always order a pizza."
"No. It was an easy day, and I want to put your kitchen to good use." She smiles up at me, and I know she's being sincere.
"That would be great. Just don't go to much trouble, okay?"
"What sounds good?" she asks as we walk through the door and into the house.
Without much thought, I say the first thing that comes to mind. "You, spread out on my kitchen table. Oof." I cover my gut where she's just elbowed me. "What was that for?"
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously. Why did you hit me?"
She shakes her head, smiling. "Go take your shower and I'll start dinner."
"Fine, but I'd still be happy with you on—"
"Go!" she shouts, laughing as she points down the hallway.
After a quick call to Pop to see if anyone has had any visitors yet, I hop in the shower. When my eyes land on the bench at the far end of the shower, a grin takes over my face recalling what happened there just yesterday.
The way she responded to my touch, the way she whimpered and told me I could be with her with nothing between us ... my cock hardens just from the memory. But it also reminds me I need to ask her to elaborate. Her telling me we're safe and knowing what kind of birth control she's on are two different things.
I ignore my hard-on and speed through the rest of my shower, anxious to be with her again. Maybe if I'm persuasive, I'll be able to convince her to try out the kitchen table.
The aroma wafting down the hallway greets me the moment I open my door. When I walk into the kitchen, Bella is bent over, pulling something out of the oven. The bottle of wine from last night's dinner sits empty on the counter with a half-full glass beside it.
"What smells so damn good?" I step up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, kissing her neck. "What did my woman make me for dinner?"
She laughs and shrugs me off. "If you get this excited over baked chicken and rice, you need to broaden your horizons. Grab some plates and set the table."
"If it tastes as fuck awesome as it smells, I'm never letting you leave."
She turns and wraps her arms around my neck. "How did the rest of today go? You never told me how church went. Any earth-shattering news?"
I know my smile is weak, and I'm sure she can tell I'm faking it. "There is, but it can wait." I pat her ass and releasee her to grab a beer from the fridge.
"I don't like the sound of that."
"I promise everything is okay, but right now I'm starving. Feed me, woman," I say with a somewhat forced grin as I reach into the cabinet for plates.
We sit across from each other, eating in relative silence, and I can sense the tension building inside her. She starts to fidget, playing with her food, and I know my silence is only making her anxiety worse.
Putting her out of her misery, I say the words I'm sure she's expecting. "We need to talk."
She pauses for a moment before piercing a green bean with her fork. "No good conversation ever started with those words."
"Doesn't make it any less true." I lean back in my chair. "Pima County might start sniffing around town. They know you're still associated with the club. Hell, I don't doubt they have files on all of us. So, they'll probably track you down to question you."
"Why would they want to talk to me?"
"It's no secret the Kingsmen were responsible for Mase's death, Bella. They're going to assume it was the Outcasts who left the mess in Tucson."
"What kind of mess?"
"The kind that gets the attention of the county sheriff."
She nods and swallows hard. "What do I need to tell them?"
"Just that you were here that night. That you slept in my bed with me."
She looks up and meets my gaze. "And if they press for more specific times?"
"Lie."
She looks down and nods slowly, taking a breath and blowing it out before once again meeting my gaze. "I just want to know one thing."
"What?"
"Did they all deserve it?"
"We wouldn't have gone up there if they didn't, Bella."
She nods her head, lowering her eyes to her lap.
"Hey," I say, gently grasping her chin, "you and everyone else I care about was in danger. We weren't going to let anything happen to any of you."
"Okay."
"So, if the sheriff's office comes knocking ..."
"I spent that night in your bed ... with you." Her cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pink, and thoughts of bending her over the edge of the table and having my way with her flash through my mind.
But before I can act on my thoughts, my cell rings. One look at the screen, and my smile widens.
"Hey, Seth," I say answering.
"Hi, Dad!"
I watch as Bella collects our mostly-cleared plates and starts cleaning up the kitchen. "Did you guys have fun today?"
"We did."
With more enthusiasm than I'm used to hearing from him, he tells me about what they did at Disneyland today. I listen closely to stories about rides and shows, about having their picture taken with some of the characters walking around the park and what kind of junk food they ate. He gets really excited when he tells me about how he and Sam raced the cars at the Radiator Springs Racers, and the car Sam and Ben were in beat the one Seth and his mom were in.
"So, it was a good day?"
"Let me know when Sam is on, okay?" Bella whispers.
"Yeah, I will."
She kisses my cheek and disappears down the hall.
"It was an awesome day. Maybe you and me can come here again. Oh, and we can bring Sam and his mom!"
I smile, thinking that's a real possibility now that me and Sam's mom are together. "That sounds like a great idea, buddy."
I can hear Angela in the background, asking to talk to me. "Mom needs to talk to you."
"Yeah, I can hear her. Call me tomorrow?"
"I will. Love you, Dad."
"Love you, too, Seth."
The phone is handed off, and Angela comes on the line. "Hey."
"Hey."
"So, do I get a status report?" I can hear the sliding of a patio as she steps outside. "As much as I love this never-ending vacation we're on, I'm pretty sure my husband would like to know when we can get back to real life."
"If everything goes as planned, maybe another week?"
"Is everybody okay?"
"We're all fine."
"How's Bella?"
"She's good." I smile, and I'm sure she can hear the change in my voice.
"Good?"
"She's actually staying with me right now."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Anything you want to tell me?"
"There isn't much to tell, Ang. But ... yeah."
"So, you two are back together?"
"Something like that."
"Well, since we're sharing life-changing news, when we get back into town, we need to sit down and talk."
At the sound of those few words, I understand the anxiety Bella was feeling earlier. "What's up?"
"Nothing is definite yet, but Ben has an interview in a couple of weeks."
"An interview? For what?"
"A job," she says, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"I didn't realize he was looking for something else."
"He wasn't. A headhunter contacted him, and well, if this pans out, we'll need to make some big decisions."
A knot forms in my gut. "What kind of big decisions?"
"Like I said, nothing is definite, but"—she takes a big breath and blows it out—"we might be moving."
"Where?" I grind out.
"I don't want to argue over the phone, Edward, especially since nothing is official, so calm down. All I'll say is it's not in Arizona."
"Shit," I murmur.
"Look, I'm just giving you a heads up so if it does turn out to be something, you're not blindsided. And if it does end up being a possibility, we'll sit down—all of us—and make some decisions."
"I appreciate that," I manage to say, even though I'm kind of dying inside. The thought of my son moving out of state, being shipped back and forth for visitations or just not being able to see him on a random weeknight because he wants to hang out makes me sick to my stomach.
"Now that we have that unpleasant task out of the way, if Bella's there it'll save me another phone call. Sam is chomping at the bit to talk to his mom."
"Yeah, I'll go get her."
I find her in my room, folding a basket of laundry. At first, I'm a little irritated she feels the need to fold my shit, but then I realize it's likely just busy work while I was on the phone.
"You wanna talk to Sam?"
Her face lights up when I hand her the phone, and I kiss her forehead before I leave the room. I make my way back into the kitchen and flop down in one of the chairs. The envelope that arrived at the shop lays on the counter where I dropped it when I arrived home, and since I'm already feeling pretty low, I reach out and grab it.
The patches that slide out of the envelope and onto the table bring with them some sort of finality. There in stark black and white is my brother's name.
GBNF
2-19-92
Mase
5-7-20
Devil's Outcasts
I pick up one of the patches and run my thumb over the raised stitching. Gone But Not Forgotten. "Goddamnit, Mase," I murmur. Tears well in my eyes at the sight of his name and the date he died. And before I can wipe the tears away, Bella walks back into the room.
"Sam was so excited to tell me about his day. Did Seth tell you about the race— What's wrong?" She rushes to my side and cradles my face in her palms. The concern in her eyes makes my throat tighten more.
I hold up the patch, motioning toward the others on the table, and understanding dawns on her.
"Oh," she says softly, slowly lowering herself into the chair across from me and picking up one of her own.
"Yeah." I clear my throat and wipe my eyes, feeling like a pussy for being so emotional. "I didn't expect these to come in for a little while yet. I only ordered them a couple weeks ago."
"They turned out well." Her voice is still subdued, and it's killing me not to know what she's thinking.
"They did."
"There's a lot there."
I nod my head. "I had one made for Sam, too. Even if he never rides, I wanted him to have one."
"I'm sure he'll appreciate that even more as he gets older." Her voice is raspy as she speaks, and I can hear how difficult it is for her to talk about this. "So, every patch holder will stitch one on their cut?"
I nod my head. "We all lost a brother," I say, my voice cracking slightly on the last word.
"Oh, Edward." She climbs into my lap and holds me as I cry silently, my face buried in her neck and my tears soaking into her shirt.
As she tries to comfort me, the only thing I can think about is the fact that my brother's widow is holding me. The woman who so willingly shared her body with me just yesterday and told me she loved me wouldn't have admitted her feelings, wouldn't be here right now if Masen had never died. The guilt I haven't acknowledged eats away just a little more of my already tortured soul.
"Shh," she says, running her fingers through my hair. "I wish I had a way to make you feel better, but I ..."
I look up then, meeting her tear-filled eyes and shake my head. "No, don't." I wipe my face on my shirtsleeve and sit back in my chair, bringing her with me. "You shouldn't be trying to make me feel better, Bella. Believe me, my head is fucked right now."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks softly.
"I think if you could hear what's going through my head, you'd run away and never look back."
She pulls away and stares into my eyes. "I seriously doubt that." She pushes the hair off my face, her fingernails gently scratching as she does, and my eyes fall closed. "Tell me."
I don't open my eyes, too chickenshit to look at her. My voice is low and gravelly, and my stomach ties itself into a knot as I open my mouth. I'm certain once she knows what's going through my head, she'll lose all respect for me.
But I can't bring myself to keep anything from her. She's been lied to too many times, and I won't start our relationship that way.
"I've got to be the worst brother on the face of the fucking Earth."
"We both know you're not," she says, her nails still running through my hair.
"I was just thinking ... if he were still here"—my voice drops to a whisper—"you wouldn't be."
She ceases all movement. I'm not even sure if she's still breathing, so I slowly open my eyes.
"I'm a selfish bastard, Bella, because I'm not sure—"
She places a finger over my lips, effectively silencing me. "Don't, Edward." Those tears she's been holding onto finally spill onto her cheeks. "We both know you don't mean that." Her own voice drops to a whisper. "You loved him. We both did. And he loved both of us in his own way. I think we were the best parts of his life, other than Sam. I know he would want all of us to be happy."
"But would he be happy that we're—"
"He's gone, Edward, and he's not coming back. The only thing we can do is honor him by making the best of our future. He would want us to be happy," she repeats. She lays her head on my shoulder and cradles the back of my head in her hand.
"I know," I murmur against the top of her head.
We sit in silence in the middle of my kitchen, the ticking of the clock the only sound other than our breathing. And as we sit wrapped in each other's arms, it makes me ache for the years we lost because of outside interference. But those thoughts cause the guilt to rise all over again, knowing that my brother had to die to have her back in my life.
"Have you ever thought about what your life would look like if you'd left town back then ... if you would have gotten out of here after graduation? Do you think we would have found our way back to each other before now?"
She grips my hair in her fingers and tugs, pulling my head back so I meet her eyes. "I don't know. I don't live in fairy tales. This is my life, Edward. Yours too. There's no what if, because it doesn't matter. And to be honest, I don't like the what if. What if means I wouldn't have had those few years of happiness with Masen. I wouldn't have been able to give him a few years of happiness, and we both know his life growing up was absolute shit. I gave him something he'd never had before—a family—and I can't regret that. I won't. Without my time with Masen, I wouldn't have Sam, and I can't imagine my life without my little boy."
She takes a deep breath and blows it out. "Just because things were over between Masen and me before he died doesn't mean his death didn't break my heart. He's my son's father. He was my husband for seven years. But the rest of my life can't be tied down by a ghost." Her brown eyes burn into mine. "I'm ready to move forward. Please tell me I'm right to trust you to be the one I do that with."
I tilt her chin up until her mouth is near mine. "You are," I whisper against her lips. "Nothing is going to come between us this time."
The kiss we share is bittersweet, saying goodbye to the past, as painful as it's been, and making a promise to each other about the future we both want so badly. I'll do what I have to do to make it work, because now that I have her, I'm not fucking living without her ever again.
I've broken too many promises to her already.
A/N: Do you think Edward did a good enough job of standing up to his mother? Do you think he's right to be worried she'll continue to interfere? Do you think the guilt over being together will follow them? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.
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Remember, you can come chat with me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I also share teasers and chapter pics there every week. And you can follow me on Twitter at CSunshine1220, and on my blog sited in chapter 1. Thanks so much for reading!
Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.
Lots of love
~Sunshine