A/N: Already lovely readers, it looks like there are only a few chapters left in this story before it gets to a point where we have to go on to the next part in a sequel! It's taken me a long time to figure out where this story was going (it's been published for almost an entire year!) and I might be figuring that out finally! Enjoy!

Steve and Ponyboy slept in the bedroom together while Two-Bit took Darry's bed. Gracie kept flowing in and out of Steve's mind, making it difficult to relax. Soda not being around was making it hard for Steve. He was ultimately scared what he could do to himself if no one was going to stop him. It was like the battle he had to fight a few years ago.

It was the middle of night when Steve heard some mumbling that made him stir awake.

"No, no...I didn't do it," Pony was saying. Steve sat himself up and rubbed at his eyes.

"I...I didn't."

He grabbed Pony's shoulder and began slowly shaking. "Ponyboy? Pony, wake up buddy."

"No! Please, I didn't do anything!" Pony yelled.

Steve was slightly confused. Pony didn't seem too scared, just arguing. "Hey Pony, wake up," Steve shook him harder, "Come on, you're okay."

Pony's eyes flew open and he looked over at Steve. Again, he didn't seem that spooked, just frustrated.

"Are you okay?" Steve whispered as his eyebrows lowered.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"What were you dreaming about?" Steve asked curiously.

"Nothing," Pony pulled the covers over himself.

"You don't remember?"

"No I don't," Pony sighed, "Typical, huh?"

Steve lowered himself back onto the bed, sinking into the pillow. Part of him didn't believe Pony, but was too confused to know where to begin in asking him what the dream was about. He decided to let it be and get back to his struggle of a deep sleep.

"No Darry, no one's in the hospital yet," Two-Bit smirked.

"Very funny Two-Bit," Darry said from the other end of the phone call, "Really, how is everyone?"

"Things seem fine. Steve did tell me he was feeling pretty down about things and like he really messed up, so I can put 2 and 2 together on what's going on inside of that head of his."

"And Pony?"

"Pony's been fine. He hasn't seemed off at all to me," Two-Bit shrugged.

"Well, maybe he's starting to feel a little better about some things."

"Yeah, maybe," Two-Bit said, "How long do you guys think you'll be?"

"Just a couple days. We should be back the day after tomorrow."

"Cool. I'll keep things running smoothly here. Have Ponyboy try some of my personally made drinks," Two-Bit grinned.

"Two-Bit, don't even think about it," Darry said firmly. Two-Bit could tell through the phone he didn't even crack a grin.

Two-Bit laughed anyway, "Talk to you later Darry."

Later that afternoon, Steve and Two-Bit sat in the living room playing cards on the coffee table. With Soda's concern on his mind, Two-Bit decided to just spend as much time as he could with Steve, not that he tried leaving the house much.

"Hey Johnny, " Steve greeted as Johnny walked through the front door.

"Hey guys, where's Ponyboy? We're thinking of going to the movies. "

"He's upstairs," Steve said while shuffling the cards.

"He didn't ask me to go to the movies," Two-Bit protested.

"There's a good reason for that," Johnny smirked.

"And what's that?" Two-Bit asked.

"Because we want to actually watch the movie," Johnny said walking towards the stairs.

"They just don't appreciate me," Two-Bit said as he got up, "Want a beer?"

"No, I probably shouldn't," Steve replied placing a cigarette in his mouth.

"Yeah, because going out for a cigarette every hour is good," Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow.

Steve let out a hard sigh as he put the cigarette away.

"Ponyboy? Are you ready?" Johnny asked as he stood outside the bedroom door.

"Uh yeah, I think so. I just need a minute."

"Okay, do you want me to wait downstairs?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine," Pony responded quickly. It seemed he was trying to end the conversation quick, but Johnny shrugged it off and went back downstairs. He took a seat next to Steve and joined in the next hand.

A few rounds went by when Steve scoffed at Two-Bit, "I don't know what I'd rather deal with, Soda cheating or you beating me."

"Can't be happy for me?" Two-Bit laughed.

Steve shook his head, "You just rub it in my face a little too much."

"Hey I got to take my wins. If you want Soda to stop cheating, have me play him. Bet you I can beat him as his own game."

"I'd pay to watch that," Johnny chuckled.

"Did Darry leave any cake?" Steve got up and walked over to the fridge.

"What is taking Pony so long?" Two-Bit asked Johnny, "Are you guys meeting girls tonight? Is he trying to look all pretty?"

Johnny rolled his eyes, "Not that I'm aware of. I'll go check on him again."

Upstairs, Johnny walked by the bedroom and saw the door open, but no Ponyboy. He made his way down the hall to the closed bathroom door.

Knocking, Johnny called out, "Hey Pony, you doing alright?" There wasn't an answer. "Pony? Are you okay?"

"I...I think so," Pony muttered out.

"What's going on? Can you let me in?"

It took a few seconds, but the door unlocked and Johnny opened the door.

"Don't make a fuss," Pony quickly said, "Please."

"A fuss?" Johnny asked as he took in the scene. Ponyboy had the sink running, there was blood stains on the sink, and Pony's arm was practically red. "Pony?"

"Don't be loud," Pony begged.

"What happened?" Johnny quickly shut the door behind him, "Did you get cut on something?"

"Uh yeah," Pony lied, "I just can't get the blood to slow down."

Johnny helped Pony get his arm under the sink to wash away the blood and find the cut. "Oh my God Pony, what did you get cut on?"

"Just something in my room," Pony said, hoping he could keep the lie going. He knew if Steve saw though, the lie would be over.

"This cut is pretty bad," Johnny said, "You probably need stitches."

"No!" Pony yelled, a little too loud. The panic from the cut and Steve finding out was piling on.

"Why not?" Johnny asked.

"It's...just...I can't go back to the hospital," Pony quickly said, "Darry and Soda could kick Steve out forever even though he didn't do anything."

"Pony don't worry about that. We can explain that to them."

Pony shook his head, "Johnny, you can't tell Steve."

"You can't just leave this alone. It'll keep bleeding. Bandages aren't going to fix it."

"You stitch it."

"I'm not that good at stitching Pony," Johnny argued, "We have to tell Steve and Two-Bit. Together, they can figure it out. They've seen Darry do it plenty of times."

Pony shook his head, "Johnny, I mean it. We can't tell them." As Pony pulled his arm from the sink, a little blood still trickled out, barely slowing down.

"I'm telling them Pony," Johnny said as he opened the door, "You're being ridiculous."

Pony sat down on the floor, imagining what Steve was going to say. He wasn't going to hear the end of it. He was about to have Steve's face in his, yelling at the top of his lungs. All the anger, rage, and shame being pushed down Pony's throat. Pony just sat there, letting the blood trickle as he waited and waited, the time feeling like forever. He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. Expecting everyone to be at the door, he was surprised to only see Steve with the first aid kit in his hands. His face looked disappointed, and it killed Ponyboy instantly.

Steve didn't say anything as he sat on the floor and helped clean Pony up. Pony kept looking at Steve's face, but he only kept his eyes on the cut. It felt like it was taking all night as Pony bared himself for the bark. As he got fixed up and stitched, Pony prepared himself for the finale. He could feel his face turning red, his ears growing hot.

Steve finished up, he cleaned up the materials, and washed his hands. Pony could feel that Steve wanted to lay in on him, but he was clearly trying to hold back. He wasn't sure why though. If Steve had anything to say, he would just say it. Pony just kept himself on the floor, looking down at the bandage, stitches right beneath it.

Once everything was wiped down, Pony watched Steve stand in the doorway, with his head hanging. "Johnny's waiting downstairs," Steve simply said before he walked out of the bathroom.

'That's it?' Pony thought to himself. How bad did someone have to fuck up for Steve to stay silent?

Pony and Johnny got back home late, which was done on purpose.

"You said Steve got you stitched up and he didn't say anything about it," Johnny said as they walked up the porch steps, "I don't know why you're so worried."

"He didn't say anything Johnny," Pony shook his head, "That's the problem."

"Did you really think he was going to be worried about Soda or Darry being mad at him when it was an accident that he had nothing to do with?"

Pony shrugged, "I don't know."

Walking inside, Pony felt his heart sink as he saw Steve on the couch with a beer in his hand. He had hoped they would have stayed out long enough for Steve to go to bed. He probably should have known better than Steve to be able to sleep after what he saw.

"I'll see you tomorrow Pony," Johnny said turning to leave, "I'm going to head home for the night."

"Sure," Pony said quietly as Johnny closed the front door. His eyes stayed on the floor, refusing to look up at Steve. All he could hear was the swig each time Steve took another drink from the bottle. He decided to take a chance and began walking towards the stairs.

"Stop."

Slowly turning, Pony looked at Steve. He was just staring blankly at the TV, which Pony just noticed was off.

"I'm sorry," Pony quietly said.

Steve stared at his beer bottle, slowly shaking his head, "Why?"

"I..."

"What was bothering you so bad that you couldn't come talk to me?" Steve asked.

"I..."

Steve stood up from his spot, dropping the bottle on the floor, and walked over to Ponyboy. He grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up close. Pony could smell the alcohol and could tell Steve had been drinking a lot.

"Steve, stop," Pony said as he grabbed Steve's hands, trying to pry them off.

"Why?"

"It's not what you think," Pony said.

"I told you...I told you, over and over again!" Steve barked, "Over and over again to come to me!"

"Steve, I-I'm sorry," Pony begged.

"No you're not!" Steve screamed.

"Hey what's going on?" Two-Bit asked coming down the stairs. Steve let Pony go and turned away. "Steve, what is going on?"

"Nothing," Steve said.

Two-Bit looked at Pony, waiting for an explanation.

"Nothing," Pony shakily said, knowing his eyes were filling with tears, "It's nothing."

"Well then let's go to bed," Two-Bit placed a hand on Pony's back.

"Can I sleep with you Two-Bit?" Pony asked.

"Sure," Two-Bit said, clearly telling Steve had done something, "Just get in bed, I'll be there in a minute."

Two-Bit waited for Pony to get upstairs before asking, "Steve, what's wrong? Are you mad he was out late?"

"No," Steve shook his head, "Tell Pony he doesn't have to sleep with you, I'll just sleep on the couch."

Two-Bit shrugged, too tired to worry about anything at the moment, "Alright, I'll just let him do what he wants. Well, get some sleep. We'll just talk tomorrow."

Steve waited until he knew Two-Bit was long upstairs, picked up his beer bottle from the floor, and walked outside. He let out a scream as he threw the bottle, watching it crash into the street. In an instant, tears ran down Steve's face. He tugged at his shirt as he felt his heart race and his breathing intensify. His chest felt like it was sinking into him, his lungs were still, and he couldn't get a breath in.

"Why Pony why?" Steve cried out, "What did I do wrong? You-You can't do this...I can't..."

Looking towards the street, a light caught the corner of a piece of the bottle. It hit him. He was pushed down the porch steps and into the street. He picked up a piece, slowly dragged it across near his wrist, and could feel his chest open back up as it allowed fresh air in.

It was the middle of the night and Pony couldn't sleep. He slowly got out of the bed, careful not to wake Two-Bit, and went downstairs. He didn't see Steve in his bed or on the couch. He had a feeling he was outside. Opening the front door, Pony saw Steve sitting on the porch.

"Can't sleep either?" Pony asked.

Steve shook his head, "No."

"Can we talk?" Pony asked.

Steve shrugged, "Sure."

"I...just want to explain."

"Go for it."

"It's just...nothing...nothing was going on."

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"I couldn't come to you, because nothing was going on," Pony admitted.

Steve turned from his spot and looked up at Pony, "What are you talking about?"

"I was...just doing it," Pony looked off to the side.

"What? For fun?" Steve asked in disbelief.

"I mean...not fun," Pony shook his head, "I just...I had an urge and I felt like I could handle it fine. I can control it."

Steve stood up and looked at Pony. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wanted to grab the young greaser and shake him. "Yeah, I thought I could too. Look where that got me. And now look where it almost got you! We could have had to rush you to the hospital, and then I'd never be allowed here again."

"It wouldn't have been your fault," Pony said as he repeated Johnny's words.

"Oh yes it would have. Soda wasn't happy that I admitted to you so much stuff, he'll blame me for exposing you."

Pony closed his eyes shut tight, not wanting to let any tears fall, "Steve, I'm sorry."

"I know how that urge feels, but you have to stop," Steve said in a pleading tone, "Please."

"Okay," Pony said.

"No, don't just bullshit me. Please, just..." Steve felt his own anxiety rise as he froze in his words.

Pony glanced down and saw Steve's wrist, "You should listen to your own words."

Steve hurried his wrist behind his back. He brushed past Pony and hurried inside.

"Steve wait," Pony said following behind. He watched Steve hurry into the bathroom and slam the door shut. "Steve, please."

Steve sat on the floor, feeling his heart race again. The weight bearing on his chest again.

"Steve," Pony called from the other side of the door, "Open the door. Please. I promise I won't do it anymore. Let's just talk about it. You want me to talk to you, so let's do that. Come out."

"No," Steve said, "I know how it goes. I promised Soda many times, but kept breaking it. I can't watch it happen to you."

"Steve, it won't happen to me," Pony said, "I swear. You can help me. Just come out."

The tears violently fell down Steve's face. He began choking on his cries, his vision being blinded. He reached up and grasped his hair, pulling at it. Everything was falling apart around Steve, and he felt like couldn't get back on track to fix it.