part three: and when you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back into you.

or

Saya is a monster. Yui tries to look into her.

Usually, when the nightmares kept her from sleeping, Saya either stayed awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling or sitting by the window until it was time to 'wake up', or left her room to make herself a cup of coffee.

The change in her place of residence didn't stop the nightmares, and Saya, figuring she should grow used to the kitchen of the Mukami manor, went downstairs.

In the Sakamaki's mansion, she sometimes ran into Reiji, who would be making himself tea. It seemed that the dark-haired boys were the ones fated to run into her, because in the kitchen was Ruki, with a hot cup of what smelt like chamomile tea.

"Lady Saya," he greeted with a smooth voice. Like she wasn't in her pajamas, and he didn't hold resentment towards her. "I did not expect to see you here."

Saya nodded, figuring that the Mukami had not been told of her sleeping habits. A brief search into the cupboards revealed a pour over coffee maker, a filter, and a bag of coffee beans.

"The grinder is here." An arm reached above her from behind to open the door she hadn't checked and retrieved a hand grinder. Saya watched Ruki set it down next to the things she'd pulled out. "And the water's been boiled already."

"Thank you." She spooned coffee beans into the grinder and crushed them. Once there was enough, she emptied its contents into the filter-lined basket, careful to catch every grain. Ruki silently pushed a mug towards her, and she took it with a nod of gratitude.

After filling her mug, she put aside the filter into the garbage and rinsed the coffee maker. There was a wire rack, and not seeing where the dishcloths were, Saya left it to dry and picked up the mug.

"No cream or sugar?"

Saya looked up. Ruki was still there. She knew, having sensed his unmoving presence, but hadn't expected him to speak again.

He really was loyal to Karlheinz, then. His orders trumped Ruki's personal feelings towards her.

"I take it black."

Ruki nodded, like he was taking note of her preferences. "We also have a French press. If you would like, I can brew some and bring it to you tomorrow."

Saya was vaguely aware that a French press was another method of brewing coffee, but she didn't know what the difference was.

And that was because Fumito brewed her coffee by drip.

Tonight's nightmares hadn't featured Fumito in any way – none of him shooting her in the head, though that was rare nowadays, nor of him back in Ukishima as the friendly master of a small café, or of him holding her in his arms with a content smile like he had everything he could ever want in that one moment, or of him dying, dissolving into nothing and gone on the wind – but just like that his ghost was back.

"Maybe. Thank you."

Maybe a different method of brewing coffee might help. Saya doubted it.

She passed by Ruki, and this time he did not say anything else.

Shu wasn't in class.

Which wasn't unusual, Saya remembered at last. He often skipped class. It was usually Reiji in the class, Reiji who she sat next to because he'd somehow managed to convince the teacher and two other students into switching their seats when she first transferred into his class.

Maybe she should have asked Reiji to watch over Yui that day. Or, Saya thought after remembering the drugs, she should have tracked down Subaru. Yes. Subaru would have been a better choice. At least he wouldn't be sleeping all the time.

It was too late to regret anything, and so when the lunch bell rang, Saya left to track Shu down. Reiji curled his lips when she asked, but he did answer, so with unhesitant steps she headed to the music room.

"Why?" Shu groaned when she informed him that he would be joining them for lunch. He looked so annoyed, that Saya made a mental note to ask Yui if they could just join him in the music room for lunch starting from the next night.

Rather than stare at him until he gave again, Saya just gave the excuse Karlheinz had suggested. "He says that next time, we're being sent to Antarctica."

It wasn't a lie. In his words – "If he does not listen, I'll book two tickets to Antarctica. No one will notice."

Saya was not keen on going to Antarctica, but if needed she would throw him among the penguins herself.

Shu opened one eye and peered at her drolly. Saya looked right back, unmoved. She would throw him into ice and birds unable to fly, but she still wasn't keen on going to Antarctica.

With a sigh, he got up.

Yui's eyes widened when she came to their usual spot with the lethargic vampire in tow.

"Hello, Yui-san," greeted Saya. The words felt bland. "Did you sleep well?"

Still wide-eyed, Yui nodded, her pupils shaking as they bounced between Saya and Shu.

Well, that was one less life to be cut down. With murder off her list for the day, Saya didn't really have anything to speak of.

Luckily, Yui had always been the one to speak more between the two of them.

"I can't believe midterm exams are coming up already," she said, gesturing at her notebooks. Neatly written notes, with highlighted and underlined words covered the page. Like everything else she did, Yui studied hard.

It made Saya reflect a little on her own studies. She paid attention in class, and finished her assignments, and that was about it. She didn't fail her tests, and she had been content with that.

"Do you know how to solve this?" she asked, referring to a chemistry question from her assignment.

Unfortunately, Saya wasn't much help with Yui's studies. Even as 'Kisaragi Saya', she hadn't been given the background of being an excellent student. A hard worker enthusiastic in everything, but not the smartest student. She was only getting by here with her memory and sharp senses in class. That, and the teachers having told to not call on her often.

Saya looked at Shu – and found the vampire asleep. She found within herself a deep emphasis with Reiji in that moment.

"I'm sorry, Yui-san," she apologized. For both not being able to answer her question and for asking Shu that day. She should have asked Reiji or Subaru, even if it meant going out of her way to track them down.

Was it too late? It was. A pity.

"My previous school wasn't . . ." Saya trailed off. Could her time in Sanbara High be considered actual schooling? Fumito did try to give the town verisimilitude, and what details were odd he left for her mind to gloss over. She sighed, lamenting that real education hadn't been high on the list of things the experiment focused on. "It didn't go well."

An understatement, but Yui didn't need to know that. She would be horrified.

"I'm sorry," Yui apologized immediately, unintentionally proving Saya's thoughts.

Saya shook her head. "If you need help in other things, let me know."

What things could she help Yui with, anyways?

". . . I could probably help with English." Did they teach Latin? It was Japan, Saya figured, so probably not.

That made Yui perk up, so it was a success. "Are you fluent in English?"

"And some other languages. I used to live in America." As well as several other countries. It helped, to wander from place to place without ever being able to have a permanent place to call home.

"What was it like?"

Saya quickly went through her memories and had to take out all the parts about the American government's experiments and attempts to track her down, the Elder Bairns, the death of Lucy and her long, winding return back to Japan to meet the Nanahara Clan again. Fumito had struck then.

Before her thoughts could turn dark, Saya went with the safe answer. "It was a big country, and it had a lot of diverse environments. Mountains, forests, bodies of water, deserts, marshes, and so on. And different . . . plant and animal lives."

Which meant the Elder Bairns that did live in the country were just as diverse.

When the Nanahara Clan's spell to seal her memory had broken from her hunger, Saya needed to hunt again. This time it wasn't the Vatican or any other organization using her, but a hunt to feed herself.

She still needed to be on the run constantly, and then live a nomadic life on her own, when Lucy grew too old to be able to come along with her, only dropping in for visits and regular check ins until the woman passed away, but it had been – not unpleasant. As free as Saya could live, anyways, back then.

"What did you like the most there?"

A normal person would probably give an answer like a famous landscape.

"A shop," she answered.

Because it was in America, shortly after her hunger had broken through the spell binding her memories that Saya found the wish-granting shop and made her first wish.

To stay herself.

Ironic, that she discovered her lost past, only to be further confused on her sense of identity.

Shu was awake. Still lying down with the earbuds in, but his eyes were open. Saya didn't doubt that he'd heard.

Time to change the topic.

"Is he treating you well?"

Yui's eyes flitted to Shu's, found them open, and she stuttered.

Lightly curling her fingers inwards, ready to clench them into fists, Saya considered repeating their first encounter.

As if sensing the directions of her thoughts, Yui squeaked out an answer. "Yes!"

Shu sighed. "Troublesome woman."

That really did not reassure Saya, but what could she do? The wrong move, and she would only end up making things worse.

It was up to Yui now.

AN: There's a lot of mentions to Blood-C: Demonic Moonlight but since most people will not have read it I'll mention in author's notes when something from it comes up. I literally bought the manga so I could write this fic but I don't think anyone is going to be like 'I find what you reference vague but interesting, I too shall buy this obscure manga to be in the know' so.

Here's the gist of Saya's backstory from DM: she was uncovered in a coffin by the Ottomans and smuggled to the Vatican and fought the Elder Bairns to protect people because she cared for humans. But humans (because this is the Blood series) feared her power and always betrayed her when the danger was up, forcing Saya to wander from place to place without a home. By the time Lucy met her, Saya was so exhausted that she just wanted to be buried alive in a coffin. Lucy brought Saya to Japan (just after WW2) to work with the Nanahara Clan to erase Saya's memories so she could live as a normal girl. There's a near-problem when Saya rampages and has a split-personality moment after consuming the blood of a giant Elder Bairn but with the help of David and Kagekiri, Nanahara Mahito (young boy, then-leader of Nanahara/Tower, Fumito's grandfather) manages to seal Saya's memories (though it is mentioned that they don't know how long this will last).

I head-canon this led to Saya making the wish prior to the series at Watanuki's shop to stay true to herself, because she was afraid she'd rampage again.