"You alright?"
She nodded, wrapping the fur around her tighter. She wasn't really, and he probably knew, but he didn't call her on it anyway.
She loved that about him. Kouga never pushed her. He gave her space, and never pried. He was always by her side, and yet, she never felt smothered or pressured. He let her be. He didn't try to fix her, and she found the closest thing to peace, in his presence. Their bond was a curious thing. Once she'd gotten everything out-once he knew why she was living like she was-she knew she could trust him. He had accepted her, and her decision to abandon her old life. He never tried to force her to go back, and the bond just solidified after that. It happened so naturally it never felt strange to her, despite her knowledge that to an outsider, it was an oddity.
But she didn't question it, or him. He was her best friend. She loved him dearly and she wanted to be by his side whenever he needed it. But there was something in the back of her mind. It nagged at her soul, like a soft tugging at first, but as the winter days drew on the tug became stronger. It was harder, now, to ignore.
It was just like before at the temple. Her instincts were telling her to move. That there was something important that needed her attention.
She didn't want to listen, but she had heard it clearly. There was no way to misinterpret what it meant.
The shards were still out there and it was her responsibility to complete the jewel. It had been easy to forget the first two years back. She actively ignored the topic and never sensed a trace of them in her travels. But Kouga had two of them in his legs and she sensed them everyday. Twenty-four seven. A reminder of the duty shed turned away from.
It had been her plan right? To come back here and find the shards. To destroy the completed jewel.
She spent half of her first year back just surviving. With no way to fight or defend herself, going after them was impossible. She had planned on getting a bow when she left the Hojo's but her plans changed after her training with her master.
With access to a wholly different way of fighting she didn't even bother with a bow. She practiced daily to strengthen her spiritual powers, and was ready to use them on any demon harboring a jewel. But even after two years of wandering she never caught a trace of even one.
Which was a good thing. At the end of her second year, around when Kouga had found her, she still hadn't been ready.
She wondered, was she now then? Was it the reason she'd been restless, with the never ending pull for action? As she reflected on this, she knew it was true, and she was ready. Even though she was afraid to do it, she was ready.
She glanced at Kouga out of the corner of her eye. She didn't want to do it. How could she leave Kouga? Take his shards, and leave again, for who knew how long? It would hurt him, and it would hurt her more to be parted from him.
Still, in her heart she knew, winter was over. She couldn't wait anymore. The jewel needed her too. And she would be leaving in spite of everything. His pain, and her fear couldn't stop her.
She looked down at the trees from their spot on the cliff side. The wind was cool, and the sun was bright. It was now or never.
"It's finally spring, again."
He looked around, sniffing the air before he locked his blue eyes on hers.
"We might have a few more cold nights. But I'd say your observation is right."
She steeled her resolve.
"I haven't been open with you about this, but it's to the point I have to tell you." She pushed out. No point beating around the bush.
He grew serious, and shifted his seated position to face her before he nodded for her to continue.
"You could tell, right, that something was bothering me?" She asked, knowing the answer.
He nodded.
She heaved a breath. "I have to complete the Shikon."
He hadn't been expecting that, if his face was an indication, but he said nothing so she rambled on.
"All winter there has been this pull. A call almost. I ignored it for weeks. But I can't do it anymore."
She had his full attention, and she could see the anticipation building on his face when she went quiet. But her heart was seizing, painfully. She didn't want to continue.
"I have to leave the pack. The Shikon-it's still in pieces. I'm the only one who can find the shards and destroy it."
His face changed again, many times. Too many times to read, as his thoughts obviously began racing.
"You said the largest piece was lost to the sea. What do you hope to accomplish when you can't hope to recover it?"
"I can get it back. I don't know how but I'll find a way-"
"You'll find a way? You? It's too dangerous." His voice raised in volume. His mouth pulled in an angry frown.
She took another breath.
"It's dangerous, yes, but I can't let that stop me."
"Then I will!"
As unexpected as his sudden anger was to her, even more unexpected was her response to it. Tears sprang to her eyes as her guilt swallowed her. She couldn't describe how sorry she felt. She didn't want to hurt him ever, but she had to go, and it wasn't as if she could just ask him to come with her. She couldn't take him away from his pack.
She leaned forward reaching for him and grasped his biceps.
"Please don't be angry. I don't want to do this but I must, and I need you to understand that. And I need you to understand that I-"
Her throat felt thick as the words bubbled up, and she swallowed hard.
"I don't want to leave you. But I have to do this."
He shrugged out of her grasp and turned his back to her, and the sight of it made her feel helplessly empty.
She stood to follow him, ready to plead with him.
"I will come back once I have them! I just-"
"Don't follow me Kagome."
Her mouth snapped shut and she did as he said like a reflex. She stood stark still, while he walked away, blinking back tears she refused to let fall. There was nothing she could do or say, and tears meant nothing. If he needed time-and clearly he did-she'd have to wait for him to come to her.
Feeling bitter, she padded along, back to her quarter of cave to sulk and pack. When she rounded the corner, she was surprised by Hakakku waiting just inside by the wooden chest full of her garments.
He shook his head at her in disapproval and she looked down at the floor, angry that the sight had formed a fresh lump in her throat.
"He's not wrong you know. It is too dangerous for you to do on your own."
She took a deep breath to manage her temper and proceeded toward her pack.
"It may be dangerous, but I can handle it now. I've no doubt of the dangers awaiting, but I don't doubt myself anymore. Not when it comes to fighting your kind."
"It's not just our kind that's dangerous Kagome." Hakakku argued, putting his dirty foot down atop her chest to stop her from opening it.
"Your kind is also dangerous. Especially the men."
"He showed me the way to fight back. It's all he can do. And it's all I can ask him to." She finished, pushing his foot away.
She opened the chest and watched her hands pack mechanically.
"You could ask for a guard, Kagome. We can't volunteer to leave the pack for an outsider, but you could ask for him to send one of us with you."
He growled when she didn't respond, and slammed down the lid of the trunk angrily.
"He's not the only one worried, Kagome. You can't do this alone, no matter how tough you are, you stupid girl! So stop being so stubborn and ask him for help!"
"No way in hell!" She yelled back. "He's too important to leave this place, just to help me fix something that I broke. He's already given me so much. I won't ask for anything else. And I won't ask for help from any of you." She ground out, forcing the lid back open.
She could practically feel Hakakku shrink as he glared down at her.
"I get that he's faster and stronger but we aren't useless." He slithered out, hurt warping his quiet voice.
It took her by surprise, and she halted her packing to look into his eyes.
"You idiot. You're too important too. I wouldn't risk you for anything. Especially not some cursed jewel."
His expression lightened up, his brow raised, and the line of his mouth eased as she abated his assumptions of what she thought of him.
"You're one of my best friends, Hakakku."
He didn't know what to make of her declaration-she could see it on his face. He didn't know what to say. Or think. Or do. It was a human promise. But what was more curious, was the way in which her words clearly reached him-and touched him-as they would if he were human.
"Still, as much as I care for you-any of you-I must go. There is no other way. No one else can fulfill my duty."
Hak's mouth pressed into a thin line, knowing he couldn't argue further.
"Then what's the plan?"
She finished emptying the chest of clothes and let the lid fall closed, loudly.
"I will first, head south. Then I will come back north, for a rest here. Once I've finished here, I'll move on further north to search for a shard if I don't find the missing ones, to the south. The rest is in the sea to the east. I will avoid the west at all costs."
"Good call." He agreed, knowing well, why the west was forbidden. "But the sea? Kagome. How on earth do you plan to find it? You can't hold your breath for long at all. Or swim very well for that matter."
"I'm still working that out. I know I'll figure it out. I have to."
She knew it sounded pathetic but she couldn't say more. A quiet fell between them as she mentally began a count of her packing list, and Hak searched for any words that would convince her to abandon her quest.
But Kagome found she forgot nothing, and the wolf found no argument strong enough to outdo the will of a priestess.
"You're strong in many ways." He began, taking the newly packed sack from the woman as she struggled to lift it onto her shoulders. He slung it behind him with ease and looked down into the oddly blue-grey eyes of the tiny woman.
"But I will still worry about you. I'm attached, Kagome. You're one of us now."
She felt the warmth of his admission. His version much like her own. He considered her close, too. But where she felt the warmth, she didn't feel any lighter. She, in a way, felt heavier. She had become attached to them too, and she knew there'd be no staying away from the pack for as long as she lived.
It put a serious damper on her plans to leave the den permanently, once she fixed the jewel. A painful damper. One she created herself, for letting herself be embraced but them.
She forced her arms around the wolf, knowing he'd not return the hug, and he didn't. But he let her be, and she squeezed him tightly.
She'd deal with that obstacle when it came time. Her current obstacle was at hand-getting Kouga to allow her to leave. And leaving without ruining every relationship she had with the pack.
She let go of Hak and forced a smile up at him.
"You plan on leaving now?" He asked.
She could. Kouga had no orders on her, or on anyone to keep her within the territory. But she wouldn't leave without talking to him.
"Just getting ready. Taking my bag to the front." She stated, shaking her head at his question. "No, I'm not going until I talk to him."
Hak knew who 'him' was.
"Alright."
They walked in silence to the cave's mouth, and she saw no sign of Kouga, still.
"I'll be outside."
Kouga was there, though. He watched her quietly as she stared down into the trees, silent and still in the chill, early spring morning.
He'd thrown a fit. Lost his cool. And all because he knew the second she'd told him, he had no say. As a leader he wasn't accustomed to it. He already knew he'd over reacted. She wasn't a pack member committing some act of defiance, just a friend letting him know her plans.
Her very stupid plans. Plans he couldn't change.
He frowned. He hated the idea of leaving the pack. Despised it, even. But what he had somehow come to loathe more, was the idea of her with no protection, outside of his territory. He felt his nerves frazzle imagining the horrors that could await a human on her own in the wild, and grit his teeth. One had to be either stupid, brave, or insane. She wasn't stupid, though, or crazy. He knew.
Her movement toward the edge of the cliff pulled him from his thoughts. A sudden cold wind had changed course toward the mountain, and blew strong and swift right into them. It did something to the woman, something he couldn't know or understand. But even so, it did. He could see it.
The look in her eyes changed, as her hair whipped around her face wildly. Like an escaped prisoner, her eyes widened, looking upon the treacherous path that led down the mountain, in contemplation of the risk. Her breath heaved in her chest.
She wouldn't dare risk braving it.
Would she?
"Where are you going?" He called out when he was unsure.
Her eyes closed and she flinched at the sound of his voice. Then she opened them and stared directly into his.
"Nowhere." She answered as emotion began to show where normally none did.
He sighed and began his approach.
When he was just paces away she turned to face him. Silent, but it showed on her face.
Sadness. Worry. It was evident, and it had been before-she was afraid of hurting him. She knew leaving would trigger a negative response from him. She was an empathetic at heart.
She had said it-that she didn't want to leave him. Still, she would and he knew it. And he'd heard every word she said to Hak, that nosy bastard. She wouldn't ask for his help. So he'd have to offer it.
He stared back into her damp, blue eyes and felt his anger at feeling like his hand was forced, fizzle away. The pack would be okay for a few weeks without him.
He reached out, signaling to her to come closer and she embraced him instantly. He held the back of her head, and sighed deeply.
"When do we leave?"
She pulled back to look into his eyes. Confusion and worry and surprise danced around on her face.
"What-"
He gripped her shoulders and squeezed, gently.
"This will work so much better and take far less time if we go together. And I can't let you go out there without backup. And I can only trust myself not to fail you."
He could see her searching for an argument but he knew she wouldn't.
"Besides. The pack will be okay without me for a few weeks. And I mean weeks." He emphasized. "I've set a goal and I intend for us to meet it. We'll return before the fall."
She was at a loss for words, and she'd stopped looking for an argument. Now, all he saw in her big, blue eyes was admiration. She was grateful and it already showed.
She smiled up at him and he knew then, he'd made the right decision. She was precious to him. In a way no one else was before. He dared wonder if, when he found his mate, he would feel about her like he did the rare human clinging to him. He wished it could be her. He indeed loved her.
"You know I didn't want to ask you this." She finally forced out. "And you don't have to. But-"
She pulled away and bowed to him properly, as she insisted on doing even now, despite his protests.
"Thank you."
He smirked when she rose. "You're goddamn stubborn, you know that?"
"I've been told before."
He hung an arm over her shoulder. "I'm not sure it's a bad thing."
She grabbed his arm and held on. "You're the first."
"Well, it kept your ass alive long enough to get here. And it'll help us get this over with I think." He started them walking toward the den, and she moved with him, neither separating.
"So, tell me, woman. What's the plan?"