Alyssa

Alyssa felt the color draining from her face as Riordan walked her and Alistair through the reason behind The Joining. Dying young and being sent into the Deep Roads to do so was terrible enough. Being possessed by an elder god that would rip her apart from the inside out, was far worse. A loud ringing in her ears drowned out his voice as he continued. Alistair didn't look like he was feeling any better, chewing on his thumbnail and pacing the room.

"As the senior Grey Warden, I should be the one to strike the killing blow," Riordan said, finishing up. No one spoke for a while. "I know this is a lot to take in."

Alyssa nodded, "Yeah, it's big." She rubbed her forehead, feeling her stomach flip with her next words. "There's something I need to tell you both."

"Please let it be a knock-knock joke," Alistair groaned.

"Not exactly." She pursed her lips. "I haven't been able to feel the darkspawn as easily. When I first went through the joining, I could sense them a mile off, but now it's much harder. Coming back to Redcliffe, I didn't feel anything until one of them was practically on top of me. Is that normal?"

Riordan shook his head, "No, if anything, you should be more sensitive to them, not less."

"Maybe your body is healing it," Alistair said. "Your powers have grown exponentially since we first met. You've healed wounds that should have been mortal."

"I've only ever heard of that happening once, and I thought it was just rumored," said Riordan. "Another mage supposedly was dismissed from the ranks for showing no sign of the taint."

"Can you feel them at all?" Alistair asked.

Alyssa nodded, "A little, but like I said, it takes much more effort now." Both she and Alistair turned to Riordan, "What does that mean? Can I still fight? Are you and Alistair at greater risk?"

He thought for a moment. "Since you can still feel the darkspawn to some degree, you should still be able to perform as a Grey Warden. If it's taken this long since you started your journey to weaken, it may take longer still to wear off if it ever does."

"This isn't right," Alyssa said, her cheeks reddening. "I don't want to shove added responsibility to someone else."

Riordan placed his hand on her shoulder. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm already prepared to take the killing blow. That will render everything else moot. Now, get some sleep, both of you. We have a long road tomorrow."

Alistair and Alyssa headed to their rooms in silence. She watched Alistair walk down the hall and called out to him before he turned the doorknob. "Wait." She took a deep breath. "What do we tell Zevran and Leliana?"

Alistair started to speak, but something caught his eye. He smirked and reached past Alyssa, picking up a crystal tumbler from the corner of Riordan's door. "You're assuming they don't already know." Alistair chuckled, "Anyhow, I won't insult her intelligence. Hiding anything from her is fool's errand." He pursed his lips. "Are you going to talk to Zevran?"

"Probably."

"Are you ok?"

Alyssa said nothing and headed to her room; shoulders slumped and staff trailing behind her.

Zevran

Zevran's stomach felt like it was full of nails as he approached the upper hallway of Arl Eamon's Redcliffe estate. He still had no idea what to say to Alyssa. A maelstrom of thoughts tumbled through his mind since he took back the earring. Her note hung in his mind, and even though she wanted to apologize, he was still unsure of himself. He shook his head and swore under his breath.

As he passed Alistair's room, he heard raised voices. He was surprised to hear Alistair and Leliana arguing, but the door was too thick to make out any words. Something Alistair said to Leliana made her start sobbing. Zevran had never heard her like this before and wondered what it was that Alistair said.

He barely took a step down the hall when a dire wolf ran toward him. He flattened himself against Alistair's door as it rushed past. "Figlio puttana…" Peeling himself of the door, he heaved a deep sigh and put a hand over his heart, feeling it still racing from the shock. He noticed that it was Alyssa's room that the wolf exploded from, and the door was now wide open. It was quiet. If she was inside, the animal hadn't frightened her, or maybe it ate her. Probably not.

Even though the door was open, Zevran still knocked to announce his arrival. Alyssa was facing the fire, clutching her staff with one hand and the mantel with the other. "Warden?" Zevran said softly, "Are you quite alright?" It was the slow way that she turned around that made chills run down his spine. Her face was red and wet with tears. The front of her robes was practically soaked by them. Forgetting everything from the last two days, Zevran rushed over to her and swept her into his arms. "No tears, cara, your Zevran is here." He held her as she cried, probably the loudest he had ever heard. When it seemed that there was no sign of her stopping, he moved her to the bed's edge, fumbling through his pockets, "I believe I owe you an apology."

Alyssa blinked the tears from her eyes. Her voice was rough and squeaky from crying, "To me? For what?"

"Our last time together, I was acting like a child," he shrugged his shoulders. "I was told that opening myself up to others was dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Any emotion, any concern for someone, was a liability. The Crows were very successful at drumming this into us. And with you, after all of this, I can see that it was wrong." Zevran took her hand and placed the jeweled earring gently in her palm. "I am sorry, and I would still like you to have this. That is if you still want m— want it." He swallowed hard.

Alyssa looked down at the earring and smiled. She pinned it to the front of her robes, right over her heart. Her bottom lip started to quiver again, and a fresh round of tears fell. "It's beautiful."

Zevran held her close, "Cara, please. Talk to me." He kissed her forehead. "I saw a wolf run from your room, as big as can be, and Leliana is also very upset with Alistair. What is going on?" They were quiet for a few moments, and as the time stretched between them, he got the feeling there was more. "Mi, amor… you know I never pry into your secrets, but I wish you would talk to me."

Alyssa took several shuddering breaths before she could speak. "It was Morrigan. She left for good, because I told her no."

Zevran shook his head, "To what?"

She gulped a few times. "She said there was a ritual that would keep us tomorrow, but Alistair would have to sleep with her. I couldn't ask him to do that. He hates her, and Leliana would be distraught."

"Not to belittle your distress, cara," Zevran said, "but isn't that worth it if both of you would be protected?"

"I don't know." She pulled back and lifted her arms wide before letting them fall roughly at her sides. "She said something about Alistair getting her pregnant with a god baby. It doesn't matter. I told her no. What if it was true? What if she could save us from the Archdemon? I sentenced us both to death over some antiquated notions about sexual fidelity." With the last few words, her voice went high pitched, and she started crying again.

Zevran rubbed his mouth as his mind whirled. "Alyssa," he touched his temple and covered one eye, "did you say 'god baby'?"

Her tears slowed. "Um…yeah."

"And you don't think that was the bigger issue?"

"Oh." She chuckled. "I guess I did gloss over that."

He smirked, "If Alistair wasn't up for the challenge."

She rolled her eyes. "You couldn't handle her. Besides, it had to be Alistair because of the taint in his blood. Riordan was too old or some shit, but I feel like she made that up."

"What does this mean?"

"It means," her voice shook, "that whichever one of us gives the killing blow will be possessed by the Archdemon's soul. The tainted soul of an old god."

It was as if all the air was sucked out of the room. Zevran closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Not again. He couldn't do this again. "And then?"

"Since there's already a soul in my body, adding another would kill me," she said, blinking away tears. "That's assuming that a soul is real. We're probably just bags of meat. Aging, rotting, bags of meat walking around and thinking we're important." She paced in front of the fire place, "And there's no proof of an existence after death. If there is an 'ever after,' does that disappear when my spirit is forced out of my body? Because if it's destroyed in the process then that's it. No ever after." Her voice was shrill, and she started talking faster, gasping between sentences. "The darkness will hit, and I'll be obliterated. I won't exist, won't feel. Nothingness. What am I gonna do? I don't want this! Oh, Maker, I can't do this! Please, I can't do this!" Alyssa dropped to her knees hard, wrapping her arms around herself tightly and rocking back and forth. Zevran dived to her side and took her in his arms. She cried hard into his shoulder as he stroked her hair. Over and over, she whimpered 'please no,' as if praying for this cup to pass would make it so.

It was a while before she was exhausted from the terror that ripped through her. When Zevran felt her finally calm, he asked, "You said Riordan has volunteered for this, yes?"

Alyssa nodded.

"Ah! That is not so bad," he said. The way his heart was crashing in his chest, Zevran didn't feel the conviction of his words. Grasping at straws, also begging it to not be true. "We stick to the plan. Let the old Warden finish the job."

"That's not all…" She got up and washed her face in the small basin on the nightstand. He felt a hard knot forming in the pit of his stomach when she turned to face him. "I haven't been able to sense the darkspawn as easily as I did at first. If Riordan and Alistair fail, I might not be able to finish the job. I don't know what happens after that. It could retreat to gather its strength and then return later. With Fereldan's forces routed after a first wave, there would be no stopping a second."

Zevran rubbed his face with his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. The floor creaked as Alyssa sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Telling you all of this."

"To shoulder this alone?" He cupped her face in his hand, "We have been alone far too long, mi amor."

She smirked, "You know I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to follow Morrigan."

"You do not wish me to stand by you in the end?"

"What? No, that's not what I mean."

"I tease, cara." He smiled. "In truth, for the chance to be by your side, I would storm the Dark City itself. Never doubt it."

They held each other, listening to the crackling of the fire and the sound of the wooden floors settling. Alyssa said, "Is this the end?"

Zevran turned her in his arms to face her, "If it is, then let us make our last night one that the bards themselves envy."

He helped her to her feet, feeling her tremble in his arms. She was always like this at first. Hesitant and unsure of how to start being intimate, mind spinning about what was expected, what she could say no to. Alyssa had said as much after the first time they made love. As always, Zevran was patient and reassuring, stressing that she could stop at any point without explanation. Sometimes she did, most times not.

Zevran escorted her over to the bed and tilted her chin up for a kiss. Her lips were warm and inviting. He darted his tongue over her bottom lip and wrapped his arms tighter around her. Soon, buckles came loose, fabric slipped from shoulders, and boots were kicked off. They tangled themselves in the Arl's silk sheets, their hands exploring each other with feather-light touches. Zevran nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck and nibbled gently where the shoulder met. Alyssa arched her back into him, pressing her chest hard against his and wrapping her legs around him. He grabbed her wrists, not as a restraint, but to apply pressure to enhance her pleasure. Alyssa smiled and leaned into the grip, asking for more or less as it pleased her. With his hands, he explored her, writing poetry on her skin. His kisses crafted sonnets to her beauty: his tongue, composed ballads to her fire.

At Alyssa's direction, they turned over, her legs straddling him, and her hair cascading in a shower of dark curls. They started to move rhythmically together, heat and tension building with each caress. Zevran grabbed her hips, pushing her down onto him to feel deeper inside her. Just before reaching release, he guided her off and slipped behind her, again nuzzling her neck, but softer this time. He ran his hands down her breasts, across her stomach, and between her thighs. She arched into him again, bringing his free hand up to her chest. In slow, deliberate movements, Zevran circled his fingers, lighting up her senses, and entered her again.

The rhythm, this time was slower but much more intense and more measured. Listening to her carefully, he was able to pull back several times, keeping her a beat away from ecstasy to make the night last longer. Over and over, they would crescendo and then relax until it was too much to resist. He grabbed her hips again with one hand and kept his other between her thighs, now tightened to almost halting his motions. Being the gentlemen that he was, Zevran slowed his speed and increased his pressure, feeling her thrash against him, shuddering and moaning loudly. He picked up his pace, struggling against the strength of her grip, and felt his own glorious release on the heels of hers.

Their skin hot and energy spent, Zevran and Alyssa lowered to the bed together, embracing each other and feeling their hearts slowing. She was still short of breath when she said, "I'm so glad you're here."

Zevran smiled and kissed her brow. "Sempre, mi amor." The moon had made its way across the sky enough to be seen through the window. It was waning crescent, heralding a new moon tomorrow. It would cast the world in darkness. It seemed fitting that even the light of the moon would vanish from the battlefield. They held each other close, heads too full for sleep, but hearts too full of bliss to stay awake for long. Zevran felt Alyssa curl closer into him and the soft movement of her eyelashes as she finally let sleep take over. Tomorrow could wait. Tonight, he held her close to his heart, safe in his arms.