Raphael woke with a gasp and shot upright in his bed. His head jerked around as he looked for the scene of a battle he was no longer in.

Right. They were home. They had won.

The red-clad turtle rubbed his eyes. His fingertip and thumb came to rest on what would be the bridge of his nose were he human, and he took a long, shaky breath.

Raph collapsed back onto his pillow and stared at the ceiling. He pulled his T-phone from his belt and clicked it on. The lockscreen's clock told him it was early morning, earlier than he would be up on a usual day, let alone one without training. What time had they gotten home last night, again?

Raphael's sore muscles begged him to stay still; his tired eyes and foggy brain said he hadn't yet gotten enough sleep.

Nevertheless, he pushed the covers aside and stood. Better to be a little tired than to relive… that.

He exited his room and tiptoed down the hall. No use in waking his brothers; they were bound to be just as tired as him after the entire ordeal, and probably weren't dealing with nightmares. They hadn't seen what Leo had done, after all.

Deciding a snack might take his mind off the nightmare and wake him up a little, Raph headed for the kitchen. Something small wouldn't spoil his appetite before Mikey made breakfast for them, especially if he slept in as late as Raphael suspected he would.

Which, apparently, he wouldn't, Raph discovered when he brushed the cloth kitchen door aside to find all three of his brothers.

Leonardo turned to him when he noticed his presence. "Oh. Good morning. We didn't wake you, did we?"

Raph shook his head. He sat beside Donnie, who nursed a cup of coffee, looking half-dead, and shot a glance at Mikey, who was quietly frying pancakes over the stove.

It was then the silence hit him. The lair had been devoid of its usual liveliness for quite some time, but he'd always been able to drown it out concerning himself with his brothers. Find out why Donnie seemed okay with hurting himself with the hook swords. Make sure Leo wasn't freaking out too much. Try to figure out why Mikey was so unenthusiastic. But now those things should be cleared up, shouldn't they? The guys had talked everything out. They should be laughing and joking, celebrating their victory. No more dealing with the Kraang. Defeating Prime should have been a heaping burden lifted off their shoulders, and yet here they were, sitting in silence after having freed themselves of a weight they'd carried for ages. Listening to the crackling of the frying pan.

They must be tired, Raph reasoned. "Shouldn't you all be asleep?"

Leo raised a brow. "You should, too." He shrugged. "But no. None of us could get more than a few hours. Just felt wrong somehow."

"Yeah," Mikey said, turning the stove off. He placed a stack of steaming, golden-brown pancakes in the middle of the table and shoved one into his mouth. "Like sumthinths still esspected oth usth." He finished the pancake and piled a few more onto his plate before topping it with an unholy amount of syrup. "Like, I know we beat the Kraang and all and Shredder's back to square one, but something just doesn't feel… complete. Like I'm forgetting something."

"Is there anything you left unsaid while you were in the containment? Anything else you wanted to get off your chest?"

Mikey squinted at his pancakes. "Ummmm… I don't think so? Um… I love you guys," he offered. "That's pretty important, but I don't think that's quite it."

Leo chuckled and rubbed his head. "Love you, too, little brother." His expression turned serious. "But you're right. I think something went unaddressed. It felt like the fight wasn't completely over, and that's why none of us were able to get much rest. We're still on guard."

Raphael stared at the stack of pancakes, suddenly no longer hungry.

They were still uneasy, and it was because of him. Something clawed at his gut. If only he'd said something while they offered him the chance. Didn't he ever make the right choice?

Raph stood and made for the door.

"Raph?" Mikey called after him.

"It's early for breakfast," he said. "I'm not used to being hungry this time of day."

Despite his exhaustion, Raphael's punches on the training dummy grew more and more powerful.

The figure swayed limply with every blow, head and limbs toppling forward as its torso swung back.

Raph executed a fast combo of punches, elbow strikes, and a few kicks, managing to pack enough force to knock it into its own supporting post. He stopped and watched the dummy rock back into place, its cloth head lolling on an unsupporting neck.

A football helmet and stitched-on face didn't hide its lifelessness. The training tool was helpless against attack.

Beating the dummy quickly grew unsatisfying. There was nothing interesting about picking a fight time and time again Raph knew he would always win.

He clenched and unclenched his fists, watching it rock faster and faster until it stilled. Then he threw all his weight into an elbow strike in the dummy's stomach, and it came free of its hook and splashed into the pool. He watched it sink out of sight.

Knowing it would deteriorate if not fished out soon, he sighed and sat along the water's edge, preparing to push himself into the pool.

"You should be letting yourself recover. That was a long fight, you know. You'll be really sore."

Raph looked up to find Leo standing over him. He turned his head away upon seeing Leo looking at where he'd been struck by the butt of the laser. It was his worst wound, as Leo's was the one on his shoulder, which he'd gained by trying to push Raphael to safety from the laser.

He felt the weight of Leo's stare on him even after he turned away.

"Besides, Donnie would have a fit if you went into that water with open wounds."

Raphael decided not to point out that Leo would, too.

Leonardo sat beside him on the edge of the pool and dipped his feet in the water. "I'll get it." He started to push himself off."

"Woah, woah, woah!" Raph barred his arm across Leo's chest. "What makes you think Donnie won't be mad at you if you go swimming in sewer water?"

"I don't have as many cuts as you," Leo said, "and I'll clean them again after."

Raphael glanced at the wound on Leo's shoulder, angry red still visible around the edges of its dressing. That was his fault. If it got infected because he wasn't careful with his dummy, well, that would just be adding insult to injury. Or, rather, infection to injury.

"No way. If I can't get it, then neither can you."

Leo pushed Raph's arm aside. "Well, someone has to get it. It'll get all gross if it stays down there."

"And why should it be you? Cause you're the leader?"

Leonardo narrowed his eyes. "Well, since you said so nicely, maybe it is."

"So if I were leader, you'd let me go down and get it?"

Leo glared at him. "I thought we were over this."

"No, really. If I was leader, would you let me go get it?"

"I don't think things would change much," Leo said.

"Then why should I let you make me stay here?"

"You could get hurt."

"So could you."

"Yeah, but not-"

Raph stood abruptly and swore aloud. "I'm getting real tired of you pulling this crap, Leo."

"I'm sorry, this wouldn't have happened if you had been a little more careful!"

Raphael laughed. "I was being careful! I tried so hard to keep myself under control, to keep you all safe, and after all that, after all I did, you still-" He froze, eyes growing wide with the realization of what he had just said. When had this stopped being about the dummy?

Leo stood. "Woah, what are you talking about?"

Raphael crossed his arms. Or maybe he was hugging himself. Whatever. "Forget it."

"Raph." Leo reached for his uninjured shoulder. "It's alright. You can tell-"

"It's not alright!" Raph curled his fists. "You ignored what I said! Your plans are getting us hurt! They could get us killed! I'm sick of it!"

Leo started. "We came back with a few scrapes and bruises. With the situations we get into, that's to be expected; I don't think any plan could avoid that. But I listened to what you said earlier, and I thought I did a pretty good job of protecting you all. The situation was high-risk, but we all made it home safe. No one was in over their head. And I got you out when things got bad."

Raph shoved Leo back, nearly making him fall. "'Us' includes you, idiot!"

Leonardo regained his balance. "What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want me to be grateful you had the Foot haul me away? Thank you, fearless leader, for making me watch you turn yourself over to Shredder as you had me dragged out. I really appreciated it!"

"But you were safe."

Raph cursed. "You didn't even give me a choice! I would die fighting by your side sooner than run away, and live knowing I could have done something!"

"I had the choice to give you your life!" Leo yelled. "Would you have chosen differently if it was me or Mikey or Donnie in there?"

Raphael cackled. "Oh, real interesting! Hmm, let me think about this for a sec." He scratched his chin. "Oh, wait, but here's one problem with that scenario. I never get to choose!"

Leo furrowed his brow.

"It's always, 'follow the leader, guys, he gets to make all the choices'. Leo wants to make us all leave so he can get himself flung off the top of TCRI? That's what's gonna happen! Leo wants to make us all leave so he can stay behind and wrestle Kraang Prime in the exploding Technodrome? That's what's gonna happen! Leo wants to fight Shredder by himself so he can end up in a three-month coma while the rest of us pray he clings onto life? That's what's gonna happen! Leo wants to go on a solo mission in space so he can fight some aliens and get himself killed? That's what's gonna happen! Your heart stopped! You were dead, Leo! Dead!"

Raph pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "But, hey, it's okay! He's the leader! He can get himself killed as many times as he wants while the rest of us sit and watch and be good little brothers, like he ordered." He bit back something bubbling in his throat. "You know what, fearless? I hate that you were ever made leader. Hate it." Raph shook his head. "If I were leader, you'd never pull a stunt like that again."

Silence washed over them. Leo stood, staring, eyes wide.

Leonardo pulled himself together and cleared his throat. "Then… in that situation… what would you do?"

"At least give everyone a choice!" Raph yelled. "Flee or fight! But for some of us, sitting back and letting you die is worse than dying ourselves!"

Leo looked at the ground. A pause. "I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize-" He huffed. "I thought I was doing what was best. I protected you. I thought that was what you wanted."

Raph pulled his shoulders up around himself. "Yeah? Well, you thought wrong."

Leonardo put his hand on Raphael's uninjured shoulder.

Raphael turned his head away from it and stared at the ground.

"There's no telling what might happen in the future," Leo said. "Some of us might get hurt, some of us might even…" He paused. "But no matter what happens, I won't leave you behind again. I promise."

Raphael turned and met his gaze. "Stick together no matter what?"

Leonardo nodded. "No matter what."

Leo extended his hand.

Raphael took it and pulled Leonardo to him, wrapping an arm around his back for only a moment.

The gesture was so short someone observing might have mistaken the hug for a pat on the back, but Raphael was sure Leo would understand his unspoken thanks.

Raph examined the wound on Leo's shoulder. "I don't want you putting yourself at risk for me."

"No turtle left behind. That's our rule. That means we're coming after you if you get in trouble, too."

Raph shifted in place.

Leo raised an eyebrow. "The rules aren't going to be any different for you."

"But you, Donnie, and Mikey, you're all important to the team."

"And you're not?"

"You lead. Donnie's good with tech, Mikey's good with people. I'm just the one who rushes in and messes everything up. If you really need to sacrifice someone, it should be me."

Leo started. "What happened to stick together no matter what? No turtle left behind? Of course you're important!"

Raph threw his hands out. "Then why do I always mess things up? I rush into a fight, the enemy discovers us. So I tried to keep myself under control, and suddenly we're losing battles left and right. I can't do one, and I can't do the other, so what use am I? None! Less than none! I made all of you feel like trash, and even after you talked it out, you're still not back to normal! If I could just make the right decision for once! I never know what to do! I don't know how to fix this! I… I just don't know... what to-" He lost momentum towards the end of the sentence and hid his face from Leo's view. "You're all so collected. Why can't I just be like you?"

He hated the drops that collected in his eyes. He hoped Leo didn't catch the subtle shake of his shoulders. He hadn't meant to break down here. Not now, in front of the person he'd tried the hardest to keep a calm face for. He wanted to run for his room and lock himself in and never come out, but the weight of Leo's stare was fixing him to the ground.

"Raph. You are so valuable to all of us. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner, but…" Leo stepped closer to him. "Once you tried to be less aggressive, everything fell apart. We couldn't keep up with the enemies surrounding us. I didn't give you enough credit because I thought you were just destructive, but once you started fighting more like the rest of us, we were in a lot more danger. And when the foot took you away, you let that aggression loose and got to me in time, and you knew when to call a retreat. You saved me. You were always protecting us. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner."

Raphael still refused to look at him. He didn't want Leo to see his face; didn't want him to see the trails of moisture that ran down his cheeks.

"I think I was only focusing on when you don't know when to run. And you know what? It's when you're the one in danger. I think you scared me when you didn't watch for yourself. Let's stick together no matter what, leave no turtle behind. You are important. You protect us. When you aren't on a mission with us, I noticed Mikey and Donnie get anxious. Now I know why. They feel safe around you."

"Maybe they did," Raph muttered. "Until I made them feel like the scum of the Earth."

"Don't blame yourself," Leo said. "We all had a part in bringing each other down."

"I was so hard on Mikey and didn't even notice," Raph said, "And Donnie's been comparing himself to me for who knows how long."

Leo gave him a meaningful look. "Then you should clear things up."

Raphael hoped he was being discreet when he wiped his face dry before meeting Leo's gaze. If Leo noticed anything, he didn't say, and Raph was eternally grateful.

"Yeah," Raph mumbled. "I'm sure they've been upset long enough." He walked past Leo and stopped. He turned around, pulled Leo into another hug, this one not cut short, and continued on his way.

Once he was sure his eyes no longer showed any redness, Raphael walked into the lab.

Donatello sat at his desk, scribbling something on a piece of paper, tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth. He looked up when Raph stood across the desk from him.

"Aren't you a little burned out?" Raph asked, indicating the paper.

"Oh. No, the whole mutagen thing completely fried my brain. This is basic. Just something to do." He tapped the page, which Raph could see was a sketch of a machine he didn't recognize.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Raph said.

"I tried. Couldn't much." Donatello picked a mug of coffee out from amongst his various vials and beakers and took a sip.

"Uh-huh."

Donnie lifted his eyes to meet Raphael's. "I honestly could not sleep. I did try."

Raph searched his expression. He wasn't avoiding Raphael's gaze or talking around the conversation like he did when Raph brought up the hook swords. Donatello had honestly done everything he could at the moment to take care of himself.

Raphael accepted Donnie's reply with a nod.

Donnie went back to scribbling on his page.

Raph watched him for a few moments, curiously examining the changes he made to the diagram.

Donatello stopped and tapped his pencil against the desk, biting his lip. He turned to Raphael. "I, um… I'm sorry. I know you were just looking out for me. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It was really brave of you to come talk to me; I shouldn't have pushed you away."

Raph hummed. "Well, at least you have some common sense in that big genius brain of yours."

Donnie looked unsure of how to take that at first, but seemed to swell at Raph's admiration of his intellect.

Good. He deserved to take some pride in his work. His brain was just as valuable as Raph's muscle.

"So, what are you working on?"

"Ah, I'm just thinking about putting some upgrades on the Shellraiser's defenses. As I'm designing this, I'm realizing that most of its purposes are just repeats of things I've already installed, but it still does have its uses. This will probably be a first-draft design; I'll probably work out a more efficient design later when my mind's a little clearer."

"We should probably do something later today that doesn't involve too much brainpower. Hang out."

Donatello smiled at the offer. "Yeah. That sounds nice."

Raph redirected his attention to the sketch. "So what exactly is this thing?" He indicated a series of switches on a particular part of the diagram.

"I'm thinking about adding that to increase the accuracy of the Shrellraiser's weapons. You see, each of these switches corresponds with one of the weapons we use- the garbage canon, the manhole cover canon, et cetra. It would be sort of a computer-controlled accuracy system that auto-locks the weapon to its target."

"And you know how to program that?" Raph asked.

"Of course. I programed Metalhead, didn't I? It's several steps down, difficulty-wise."

"That's really cool," Raph said.

Donnie raised his eyebrows.

"Seriously. Name another fifteen-year-old who can do stuff like that. You've really got something to be proud about, Donnie."

Donatello searched Raph's expression for any insincerity, and finding none, smiled to himself.

"So what does this do?" Raph pointed out a small circle in the middle.

Donatello laughed. "That's a screw, silly! It holds things together."

Raphael shrugged. "I'm not really good with this tech-y stuff. Could you walk me through it?"

"Really?"

"Really."

Donnie hummed and started at the top of the sketch. "This antennae is, of course, to communicate signals. I chose this method of technological communication because inside the Shellraiser, other methods might be incompatible due to the interference caused by…"

Donatello rambled on and on about his invention. Somewhere along the line, he got excited and seemed to forget he needed to use more common words for Raph's understanding, but Raph didn't mind. Donnie sounded happy.

A while later, a very confused Raphael walked out of the lab trying to make sense of all the jargon and theorems Donnie used. He made his way towards the bedrooms, knowing he still had one more stop to make to clear everything up.

He was excited to get this over with, yet dreaded actually doing it.

On the bright side, Michelangelo was always one to jump at any chance for peace the moment the opportunity appeared. On the bad side, he wouldn't pick up hints as well as Donatello did. Raphael would have to talk things out with him, instead of apologizing through friendly gestures and small talk.

Raphael mused he could apologize to him that way, were it a minor problem he'd caused. Raph had repaired his and Mikey's relationship in the past that way, offering to hang out after a fight or saying sorry for not listening to him by buying him an extra pizza. Mikey would understand that much, but Raphael couldn't communicate the depth of his regret through indirect means. He wanted this time to be different.

Even after Michelangelo had run away from the farmhouse, they hadn't actually talked. Raph had played video games with Mikey whenever his little bro asked for a while, but he didn't address the issue as well as he wished he would've. Mikey was hurt, and no one had stopped to ask why.

Raph wanted this time to be different. Now that Mikey had told them all what was really bothering him, he wanted to make sure his brother knew he was going to make sure things changed for the better, that there wouldn't be some half-hearted apology before everything fell right back into the way it had been.

Which left the question of what exactly Raph was going to say.

Michelangelo's door was always halfway open, inviting his family and friends to come and talk to him, to hang out and play.

Raphael looked inside to see the orange-clad turtle lying on his bed, playing with his action figures.

He wasn't getting as into it as he usually did, but he wasn't as apathetic about his game as he had been when Raph had come to check up on him a few days ago, either.

Raphael took this for a good sign.

He opened the door the rest of the way, the sound attracting Michelangelo's attention, and he stepped inside.

"Whattup?" Mikey asked.

Raph cleared his throat and shifted. He'd already managed being all feels-y twice this morning. He could do it again. "Listen, buddy. I was thinking about what you said? And, um…" He sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry. I love you. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Mikey started, blinked.

Raph held his breath in silence, trying to gauge Michelangelo's reaction. A short apology, but a powerful one nonetheless. If that didn't work, he had really messed up.

To his relief, Michelangelo smiled, then broke into an all-out, bright, goofy grin, one that until that moment, Raphael hadn't realized had been absent for so long. "I love you, too, bro!"

Before he could process the movement, Michelangelo had his arms wrapped around him, practically clinging onto him.

Raphael almost protested, but on the other hand, Mikey had been upset for so long, and no one was watching.

Raph freed his arm from Mikey's grasp and patted his little brother's head with a smile.

"Okay, that's enough."

Michelangelo reluctantly let him go.

"So what are you doing?"

"The evil Malfidor has an evil plan to put an end to Crognard and his friends," Michelangelo whispered dramatically, wiggling his fingers evilly to emphasize the evilness of it all. "But he will stand no chance against…" He punched the Crognard toy in his hand into the air. "Crognard the Barbarian!"

Raph chuckled, picked the Malfidor figure off Mikey's bed, and sat in its place. "Not if I have anything to say about it!" He said in what he hoped Michelangelo would interpret as an evil voice. "Crognard the Barbarian and his friends will have to go through me first in order to stop my evil plan! Mwahahahahah!"

Mikey flopped down beside him, proudly lifting Crognard beside Malfidor. "So be it! Crognard always overcomes evil!"

LAST chapter on Tuesday. I can't believe we're already at the end. :(

Have a great day, y'all!