Chapter 24
I Knew I Loved You
2009
Satan went up to God. "We need to have a talk about your daughter, Colleen." God raised his eyebrows.
"Do we? Alright, what do we need to talk about?" Satan was walking back and forth with his hands behind his back.
"She masturbates. That's a sin. You should be angry with her for doing so."
"Well, let's have Colleen speak for herself, shall we?"
"By all means, call her up."
Colleen was beamed before God and Satan. "I thought that I would give you a chance to defend yourself. Satan is complaining that you're masturbating. He pointed out that is a sin." She nodded.
"I'm very glad that you've allowed me to defend myself. I only have a few questions to point out. First, when was the last time that I had sex with someone outside my race? My second question? Since, I have become saved, when was the last time that I had sex with a woman? Anything further about this subject?" He looked at Satan, who sighed.
"Do you have any more complains?" The Devil shook his head and looked at her.
"Well played." She smiled.
"Can you send me back to Earth now?" God nodded and she was transported back to Earth.
2020
"God, we need to revisit the complaint that I had years ago." He looked up at him in surprise.
"You'll have to refresh my memory. Who and what are we talking about?"
"Remember, Colleen has a history of masturbation."
"Oh, you want to visit that again? You think anything has changed since?" Satan nodded. "Very well. I'll call her up."
Colleen was beamed up. "My Lord?"
"Satan wants to visit your sin of masturbation again." She smiled.
"I only have one question." She looked at the Devil and got into his face. "Where and when do you want to do it?" He stared at her and coughed.
"What the hell is she talking about?" God coughed as well.
"Satan, just a wild guess. You haven't been paying much attention to her, have you?" He looked at God confused.
"Why, should I?"
"If your demons had any intelligent in their heads, they would have warned you not to bring this up to me. I'm going to force you to answer her question. Where and when do you want to have sex with her?"
"Why would I want to have sex with her?" Colleen shook her head as she crossed her arms and then, decided to go further. She walked up to him and began to flirt with him.
"What's wrong? A strong man like you afraid of having sex with a little human? I thought Satan wasn't afraid of us and that we should be afraid of him?" He looked at God, who shook his head.
"No, this is on you. You started it, I'm going to leave, hopefully, nothing will happen." He got up.
"Wait, God, no…"
He sighed and looked at her. "Colleen dear, what the fuck has gotten into you?" She shrugged.
"You seem to think, for some odd reason, that real life and masturbation go hand in hand. So, are we doing it here?" She began to strip as he stared at her with wide eyes.
"Whatever drugs you're on or whatever drink you're drunk with, stop." She was still stripping. "Interesting, Satan gets mad when we don't give into his temptations. When we give him temptations and he doesn't give in, he doesn't expect us to get mad? Not even going to give me a preview of how good you are? How you'll be better than any human that I've ever had?" She took off her bra and threw it on the floor and he swallowed.
"I know that if I ever was going to fuck you, you wouldn't be walking for years." She nodded.
"Talk, talk, talk. That's all you want to do. But, where is the action?" He looked away and nodded. He had an idea. He walked up to her and got into her face.
"Very well, you know what's the best thing about the demons inventing the strap-on?" His long black fingernail touched her chin and lifted her head. "They gave me a way to fuck humans." She looked at him and shook her head.
"I'll tell you what. You stop bringing up about masturbation and I'll let it go this time."
"What's the matter, afraid to fuck me now?" He put it under her pussy as she watched.
"Oh, I'm not afraid, you just don't have anything right now to fuck me with." She got dressed. "Now, politely, shut up." She left. He sighed as he looked at where she had left.
"Demons! Where is the strap-on?" They looked at him confused.
"It's right where you had it last; in your bedroom." He nodded and went to his bedroom, they followed him. He saw the red and black strap-on on the top of his dresser and put it on. "What has happened?" He looked up at them.
"You've failed me again. You couldn't tell me that Colleen has been masturbating over me?" They looked at him with wide eyes.
"How did you find out about that?" He frowned.
"Colleen, herself." He shook his head and looked into the mirror. He wanted to make sure that it was on right. "I was trying to get God to become angry with her and that she'll have no choice, but to come to me." They shook their heads.
"Satan, I really don't think that you can win this one." He looked at them.
"Don't we say the same thing about all humans? We all think that there is one human that we can't defeat. She's just another one." He smiled and shook his head as he put on his fake glasses. The demons looked at him surprised.
"Damn, you're really interested in torturing her?"
"Of course, it's my job to please me sexually. Nothing pleases me more than giving humans some torture and some temptation." He shook his head. "She should have kept her glasses fetish a secret."
"Like she could. Announcing that her first love was Dr. Daniel Jackson and how he caused her mind to go on cloud 9." The demon looked at the others. "I've never thought that cloud 9 existed until she proved it." They nodded.
"Yeah, Dr. Daniel Jackson should have left the glasses off, for sure. But, it's not really his fault. He didn't know that there would be a girl that would lose her mind over him. Had he knew," he looked at the demons. "He would never have worn them, trust me. He would have done everything that he could imagine to make her not find him."
"And if you had told him what would happen, he would never have believed you." Satan nodded.
"The joy of a celebrity that would never met a fan. They don't know how lucky they are. There are some fans that they shouldn't meet." The demons nodded.
"If Daniel had knew what we have saved him from, he would be spending the rest of his life thanking us."
"Oh, but he will in other ways." The demons looked at him confused.
"You're going to torture Dr. Daniel Jackson? But, it's not the poor guy's fault for being her first love." He closed his eyes and became him. "Oh, you're going to torture him that way? That will work."
"Like you've said once, my dear demons, I'm the master of sins."
Satan wanted to find out where Colleen was and clicked on his television, when Jezebel showed up. "My dark lord and majesty, why are you so obsessed with this one? Any human would want you. Why settle just for this one?" He looked up at her, shook his head and began to pour himself a drink.
"I don't know. Something about her drives me nuts. I want to look away and I can't. I want to forget about her, but every time that I do, she pops right back in." He shook his head again and drank. She sighed.
"I've never seen my dark lord like this and over her? She's not going to win Miss America any time soon. She's not even going to be in a playboy magazine or even make any porn films." He laughed.
"Colleen in a porn film?" He laughed again and then, stopped. "But the bad thing about that? She just might want to do it with me." He drank again and she looked down.
"You should have done what you've done to many humans." He looked at her confused as she got off the bed and moved her way towards him. "You should have dropped her, let her go and never look back. But no, you had to put your focus on her instead. Look at you. You used to be this strong and tough Satan that didn't give a shit. Now, she's making you to." She shook her head. "They warned the world, the world and you didn't listen."
"What did the world warn us about?" She smiled.
"That women were dangerous. Just when you think that they can't put a hook into your mouth, they do and when you bite, you can't let go. I would be careful about this one, Lucifer."
"Why?"
"She might look harmless and she might appear that way, but I have a feeling about her. She's just as dangerous as the next woman." He nodded and put down his drink.
"Well, I've been known to make the women that I'm with; dangerous and evil. Did you ever stop and think, that's the reason that I'm so fixed with her? I want to change her?" She shook her head.
"Every man thinks that he can change a woman. But sadly, it's always the other way around. I hate to point out the obvious, but you fucked it up." He looked at her shocked.
"What did I fuck up?" She sat on the bed and smiled.
"You had Eve be the one to eat from the tree of good and evil. Had you have Adam be the one, he would have been more in control of Eve. Men, everywhere, wouldn't be fearing women. Women would have been fearing men." He stared at her as she shook her head. "It's too bad that you can't go back into time and change it. Because had you, Colleen would be obeying your every word and your every command. She would have been your slave and not the other way around. But, you didn't think that it would apply to you, did you?" She laughed. "Lucifer never thought he would, one day, have the human spell! He never thought that he would want to control a woman. Next time, think before you act." She shook her head as she left the room. He stared at the door. He knew that she had a point and knew just what he had to do.
He decided to hold on to fucking Colleen and removed his strap-on, went to his Misery Box and looked at it. He closed his eyes and thought of the time of Adam and Eve.
He opened his eyes and shook his head when he saw that there were only 2 humans on Earth. He remembered the first time that he failed with Adam as he tried to tempt him. He knew that he could do better. He hid behind a tree and watched them. The demons came up to him. "Can you believe that God had gave this Earth to two people who have no experience of ruling a world? Much less a home?" The Devil nodded.
"I know, they would need our wisdom to know how to run it." They smiled up at him.
"You mean, you will offer your assistance and then, we can have Earth too?" He smiled and put his hand on the demon's shoulder.
"Don't worry, Ba'al, the Earth will be ours. Not only that," he touched his chin with his long black fingernail and lifted up his head. "They won't forget your name." He looked at him stunned.
"How do you know that?" He smiled again.
"Because I'm not the current Devil you know. I'm from the future." They looked up at him surprised.
"You've seen it?" He nodded.
"And I know that they will give it to us. Now, we must focus on our attention at Adam and forget about Eve."
"Why, our dark lord and majesty?"
"Because if we allow Eve to give us the keys, men will be under the spell of females. We need to have the women under the men's spell." They nodded.
"Good thinking. So, what's the plan?" He turned his attention back to the couple.
"I'm going to try to learn from my mistakes here. Adam will be tough to break. I've already tempted him once and failed. I must find another way to win him." He put his fingers under his chin as he studied them. He had to think, then, he came up with a plan.
That night, Satan went to Adam. "It's a lovely night, isn't it?" Adam was startled and saw him sitting next to him on a log close to the fire.
"Who are you?" He smiled.
"Forgive me, I've seemed to forget my manners. My name is Satan, the Devil, Lucifer, you know what, you can call me whatever you want." They shook hands. "This is a beautiful Earth that God has gave you." Adam nodded as he looked around.
"Yes, it's very beautiful."
"I can't believe that God had gave you a rule to follow. You can eat from every tree in this garden, but that one." He pointed to the tree of good and evil. Adam nodded again.
"I know, I don't know his reasons, but I'm sure that he has good ones."
"I know that Eve is your wife and you must love her very much." He nodded. "Would you have done anything for her?" Adam was taken aback by the question.
"Why would you ask such thing?"
"I'm just curious, would you do anything for her?"
"Of course, she's my wife." He nodded.
"You know, every wife wants to be controlled. Do you think that you can control your wife?" He looked at him confused.
"I wouldn't want to do that. Why would I? Just because we're married, doesn't mean I should control her." Satan shook his head and looked away.
"You have a lot to learn about women. Look, I've seen the future. Your wife is going to make you eat from the tree of good and evil. You'll do it." He shook his head in sympathy. "Why not do it first? That way, you'll have more control over her. You can stop her from doing an evil thing. There's no place that you can escape to stop her from being tempted. I'm offering you a solution." Adam looked at him skeptical.
"How do you know all of this?" He sighed.
"I have the power to see the future. I've seen it. So many men would be wrapped around women's fingers. When they should be wrapped around ours. Men should be in control and we should be in charge. All over the world, people have blamed you for causing bad things in the world all because you've listened to her. So, why not have everyone in the world blame her instead? You'll be doing mankind a favor." He sighed and looked at his wife. "If you've said that you would do anything for her, do you really think that it's love to have the world blame her, when all you did was love her?"
He nodded. "You're right. If there was a place where we could escape, I would do so, that way we won't be tempted." He looked at her. "Why didn't God warn us about this?" Satan gave him an, "are-you-stupid" look.
"God could have warned you about what was going to happen, but he didn't. He didn't care about the consequences. He might have made you first, but he has more love for your wife than you." He shook his head. "He rather have the world blame you, than to blame her. How is that love? How is it love not to offer you a solution to change that?" He nodded and looked at him.
"Before I do that, I must ask, do you have any proof that you're from the future?" He smiled and waved his hand in the air. Adam was able to see many humans around the world.
"All these will come from you. Every race and every age. If you still need more proof." He closed his eyes and a Bible was in his hands. "This is the word of God, supposedly. Read it and then, tell me you won't want to do it first." He opened the book to read the first chapter. When he got to the part of Eve sinning, he was stunned and looked at Satan.
"This was actually written in the future?" The Devil nodded as Adam sighed. "Very well. Tomorrow, I'll convince my wife and I to eat from the tree of good and evil. Nothing bad will happen, once we do, right?" The Devil frowned at him and waved his hand in the air.
"If you call humans living in mansions, making a lot of money, being famous and loved by millions bad, then I don't want to know what you consider 'good.'" Adam nodded, when he saw that.
"But, we won't die, right?" Satan sighed.
"I won't lie to you. Death is just part of life. Think of it this way. Would you want to stay forever and ever doing this day in and day out? Wouldn't you want excitement, traveling, adventure? Look at all these places that you can explore." He began to show him Egypt, a man walking on the moon and outer space. Adam nodded.
"Wow, those places look cool." He nodded and put his hands on his shoulders.
"Don't think of death as a bad thing. Think of it as giving your future children a way to explore and travel." Adam got up and looked at him.
"Like I said, I'll have me and my wife do it; the first thing tomorrow morning."
The next day, Satan watched as Adam convinced his wife to eat from the tree of good and evil. "Adam, we must obey God! We can't go back on the word of the Lord." He frowned.
"Eve, the Devil had showed me our children will be fine. They will be rich, famous and they'll travel. We can be giving our future children, what they want." She crossed her arms.
"Did he give you any proof that he's from this so-called, 'future'?" He nodded and gave the book to Eve. She was shocked, when she read that she would cause temptation. "I would never tell you to eat from the tree of good and evil." He shrugged.
"I rather I be the one to tell you. That way the world will blame me, instead of you." She got up.
"You would do that for me?" He put his hand on her face.
"I love you too much to let you take the fall. Let me." She smiled. They kissed and looked at the tree. He took her hand and guided them to it. He looked at her. "Are you ready?" She nodded and he picked out a fruit and gave it to her. "Remember, blame me." She nodded. Satan crossed his arms and smiled. He was more than ready to see how he had changed the future. He closed his eyes and was back at the present in Hell.
He went into his study room and picked up his bible. He wanted to see, if he had changed it. He opened it up to Genesis 3:3 and saw that it has been changed. "Now the serpent was craftier than any of the wild animals that the Lord God has made. He said to the man, "Did God really say that you must not eat from any tree in the garden?"
Genesis 3:12 "The woman said, 'The man that you put here with me told me to blame him for causing me to eat. I love him, so I obeyed and blame him."
3:13 "Then the Lord God said to the man, "What is this that you've done?"
The man said, "The serpent told me that he could see the future. I wanted to give my future children the opportunity to see and travel to varies of places. I wanted them to have a successful and enjoyable life. So, I obeyed the serpent and ate." God looked at the serpent.
3:14 "You've told the humans the truth. However, you failed to tell them the negative things that will happen as a result from this. So, as a result, you will be cursed above all livestock…" He decided to skip to the story of Jesus, except his name wasn't Jesus, but Jaleesa. His disciples were all female as well. He was not betrayed by Judas, but by Judith. He couldn't imagine, how Hollywood would, now, portray him as a female. He decided to rent a movie to see.
He selected on, "The Passion of Christ." He watched as an Arabic woman played Jaleesa. He was curious to how Hollywood would have portrayed him. He saw that it wasn't a man that tempted Christ. It was a female and her name wasn't Satan either, but Lilith. He watched until he got to the cross. He saw that Hollywood covered up her breasts. He shook his head and decided to look up one last movie. "Rosemary's Baby." He wanted to see, if they would still have portrayed him as a male and having sex with the female human. He looked down and smiled, when he thought of Colleen. How many nights he enjoyed fucking her. He shook his head and tried to stay on his mission. He clicked play and was surprised to see that there was no change. Maybe, Hollywood still wanted to think of him as a man than a woman. It didn't really bother him. He was more interested in making sure that men had more power and more control over those that they have loved.
Now, he felt that he was ready to go see Colleen and found her working on a song that she had titled, "An Offer."
An Offer by Sherah Payton
She used to be a good girl
Obeying her parents, going to church
And reading her Bible
All that changed one night, when Satan
Gave an offer that she couldn't refuse
She's, no longer, that sweet Angel
And now her parents don't know what to do
She used to be a good girl
Had a good boyfriend
Loyal to all her friends
Never got into trouble
All that changed one night, when Satan
Gave an offer that she couldn't refuse
She's, no longer, that sweet Angel
And now her parents don't know what to do
If only, Satan didn't come
Didn't give her an offer
She would've stayed and been
A sweet Angel
That was loved by all her family
And all her friends
Oh, Satan, what did you do?
Oh, Satan, why did you come?
You only made her worse
She used to be good
And now she's not
The parents tried to take her far away
They tried to run and hide to escape
But, Satan found them and made them
Give her back
"She's mine and belongs to me
You can never undo what has been done
You're not the ones that loved her
As you should
I was there to be her family
To be her friend
Now, I'm the only one, she'll obey
Every word and every command."
Oh, Satan, what did you do?
Oh, Satan, why did you come?
You only made her worse
She used to be good
And now she's not
She used to be good
Good as an Angel
Now, she's more like the Devil
She's no longer good
But, evil
Oh, Satan
Oh, Satan
He made her, his
His forever
No longer an Angel
Now she's evil
Evil
Oh, Satan…
He shook his head when he read her song. "Still writing love songs to me?" She looked up to see him.
"Exactly, what are you doing here?" He smiled.
"You remembered our little talk? How you challenged me to fuck you?" She raised her eyebrows.
"No, I thought that we've agreed. You would drop the discussion about masturbation and I'll drop the offer of fucking me." He shook his head.
"Actually, I want the offer back on the table." He pulled down his pants to show her his black and red strap on. He began to rotate her and touched her face. "Did you really think that strap-ons were for humans?" He laughed. "No, they were really for me. I wanted to find a way to fuck my children."
"Who said that I'm one of them?" He frowned and pointed at her.
"You did, when you were 20." She shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"You really need to come up with new material."
"So, what do you want me to do instead?" He grabbed her face and looked at her lips. "Cut the small talk and force take you, even when you tell me no? I can do that, you know. I wouldn't mind. In fact, let's do that."
He threw her on the bed and got on top of her. "Is this more like your style? I know how you masturbate. You tell yourself stories and act out the fantasies. Is to have me rough with you one of yours?"
"Look, I only masturbate over you because I know that it can't happen. It's just a fantasy. Something to allow me to escape from Earth for a few minutes."
"Interesting. Humans think that I'm all about the talk and not about the walk. But, yet, you're no better than I am." He traced her lips.
"Then, why don't you go and find one that's willing to fuck you as hard and as painful as you want? I'm not one of those, sorry darling." He shook his head.
"You can come up with 1,000 of different reasons why I shouldn't fuck you." He began to kiss her cheek and then, her neck. "They will never be more powerful than the reason I do want to fuck you. Since you like to give blowjobs so much, I'll let you suck this dick. It needs to be wet to be inside your tight little pussy." He put her to her mouth and she shook her head as she began to work. He loved knowing that she wanted it and loved knowing that she was treating it like any human man's dick. "You like that, don't you?" As much as he wanted her to keep going, he took it out and looked at her pussy before putting it in. She looked down at him.
"What's your reason to want to fuck me?" He looked at her.
"You just answered because I want to." He began to kiss her as he continued to ride her. He turned her over and smacked her ass as he continued. "I don't want you to be fucking anyone else. I want to be your only one." He whispered into her ear and she looked at him.
"Why should you be the only one, when I know I won't be your only one. How is that fair?" He nodded and took out his dick. He put it in her ass, began to pound her and grabbed her hair to make her head back.
"I thought you would know, by now, that I hate it when humans are a smart mouth. I hate jealously. I want to be the only one you'll fuck. Get it?"
"You said that you don't like jealously, but look at you, acting like you're jealous?" He turned her over and grabbed her throat.
"If you don't let me be the only one to fuck you, I can kill you right now. Do you really think that you'll be going to Heaven? You haven't done much for him anymore. Not more than you have for me."
"Can't you be mature and instead of threatening me, go find someone else, who will obey that command and that order. I'm sure that you can find plenty." He tightened his grip.
"I see that you really want it rough tonight, don't you?" She was trying to release his hand, but he was too strong for her. "Now, I'll be merciful and ask again. I'll be the only one you'll fuck, right?"
"Fine, you'll be the only one." He nodded and release his hand.
"I'm so glad that we've came to an agreement. I want to finish." He closed his eyes as he concentrated on finishing. He kissed her cheek and her lips. The kissing seem to have done the trick and he looked at her with black eyes. "You've not displeased me." He touched her lips. "I have to go, but I will have you again. This I promise you." He kissed her and left. She sighed as she looked down, shook her head and looked at the door.
Satan was back to Hell, took a shower and jacked off about her. He shook his head; he was still being wrapped under her spell and still wanted her as bad as his first time. He began to meditate on men and how they handled being in love. He remembered how some men would trap women into staying with them by getting them pregnant. Well, humans had said that he was evil, he might as well live up to the reputation. He looked at his strap-on and washed it. If the demons could come up with the invention of strap-ons, they could surely come up with a way for him to get a woman pregnant, right? He had faith in his workers. They were more intelligent than many humans would care to admit.
He went into his demon's science lab. They looked at him. "Our dear Satan, what can we do for you?"
"I would like you to work on me getting a human pregnant." They looked at him in shock.
"Are you sure that is wise, our dark lord and majesty? We create a way for that to happen and every child that you plant into a woman's womb would be fighting for the inheritance of Hell. Are you not thinking things through?" The Devil sighed as he shook his head.
"I'm only thinking of Colleen." The demons shook their head.
"You really need to let her go. Our time is short. We need more souls in Hell and not less. You focusing on her will only cause us to lose potential souls."
"I don't get why you need me. You, demons, are well-trained. You know how to win souls."
"That might be, our dark lord and majesty, but many humans still want you. They know that you rule Hell and not us." He looked at the demon and crossed his arms.
"Very well, I'll make myself a clone and you can use them." The demons looked at him shocked.
"You're actually going there?" He nodded. "How about we make you a deal? Go sow your wild oats all across the Earth, if you still want her, we'll do all that you want us to do for you and Colleen."
"Very well."
Satan began to fuck every human he came across. He, finally, started a relationship with another woman. She wouldn't complain and she hanged on to his every word. He loved it in the beginning and gave her everything that she wanted. Over time, it, soon, became too boring for him. Not enough challenge. He, politely, got her married with one of his own men and left her. He decided to try being with a man this time. He found him to be all about drama. He shook his head and sighed. He decided to set him up with one of his own men and went his way. He changed into a female and started dating another female. It was a role that he liked and at first, it was enough for him to forget about Colleen.
Colleen was relived to find out that she was, no longer, being spied on and that Satan had, officially, let her go. While she was happy about that, she still wasn't ready for a relationship. It was, then, she found out that she was pregnant. She closed her eyes, when she realized that it was his. Making sure that no demons were around, she, quietly, gave the child away. She didn't want to abort the baby as she considered it murder.
Angels watched as the next female President of the United States, Christy Jones began to outline her promises. "I stand before you as the 45th President of the United States. Here are my goals for the next 4 years. All people from all over the world are welcomed to America. They will be given the right to become an US citizen or not. If they choose not to, they will still be treated like one.
I believe that every person in America deserves an education. A chance to prove themselves worthy of a good job and being a good provider. In that case, college will be free for all Americans all across the states. All colleges has agreed not to discriminate based on your race, gender, age, disability or sexual orientation. Kids in schools will always be given free meals. Our only policy will be, you will have to prove that you have enough money to take care of the kids you want. If you have more kids than you can afford, we will be forced to give the women a tubal ligation. We must not bring any more children into the world that we can't afford to feed or raise. If you are caught having more kids that you can't afford, we will be forced to take them from you and give them to people that can't have kids.
I'm tired of seeing our homeless on the streets. So, we will be putting all the people who can work into apartments and giving them a job. To those that don't want to, we'll be opening up the mental institutions, once again. They will be given a choice, work or mental institution. If a person with disability is homeless and can afford to do basic things for themselves, we will give you welfare. But, you must prove it to us.
I'll be providing all the best healthcare to every person that comes to America, again rather they are US citizens or not. No one should be denied health care because they can't pay. All healthcare and medicines will be cut down. No longer will ridiculous prices be given. We need to bring back common sense to doctors and nurses. We're done. It stops here.
People in jails and prisons has made mistakes. We have all made them. Rather than to use the prison and jails for punishment, we will sent all the people who break our laws and rules to either counseling or therapy. Once the counselor or therapist has gave the okay, the person will not have to attend anymore. We'll be turning the prisons and jails into counseling and therapy offices.
Equal pay is a must to all Americans. Race, gender, age, disability or sexual orientation doesn't make a good excuse. Everyone deserves equal pay. Work is work. It doesn't matter what job they take. Rather they are a doctor, teacher or lawyer. All will be paid the same. I'll also be increasing the federal minimum wage to $15 an hour for every person and for every job.
We need to make allies and not enemies. So, I'll be accepting all trade with every country and every nation. We'll welcome trade to all.
It's our job to keep our people safe. It's our job to keep ourselves safe and what's a better way to do that than an expand background checks for all gun owners? Safety is our number one priority. If we see any of you doing anything not responsible while using a gun, you'll be banned for life. No one will be hurt on my watch.
No children and no babies will be allowed to work in films. We must allow our youth to enjoy their youth. If you want to have a film about a child or a baby, use an adult or become creative. Our job is to protect our youth.
Now, you're probably wondering, who is footing the bill for all of this? Well, you can thank the rich and the middle class. They will be providing all of this for you. They believe in America and they believe in you, just as I do. Our job should be to show and give love, compassion and mercy. Far too much hated and evil has happened. It's time for that to stop.
I, thank you, each for showing up tonight to hear my speech. I'm proud to be your 45th President and I'm excited to see how well our America improves. Thank you and have a good night!" She waved to the crowd.
The Angels exchanged confusion looks. This didn't feel right, so they went to see God and bowed. "Our lord, we're wondering; did anything happened recently?" God looked up from his book and saw his Angels standing before him.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, something doesn't feel right about this timeline. Can you check?" He sighed and closed his eyes. He could see in his mind that Satan had used the Misery Box and has changed the entire world. He opened his eyes and looked at them in shock.
"Satan! He had used the box and changed the entire world! I'm going to have him change it back!" He got off his throne.
As Colleen was doing laundry at a laundry mat, a demon came up to her. "How have you been?" She looked up at him.
"What are you doing here?" He frowned.
"Just because Satan is, now, in a lesbian committed relationship as a woman, doesn't mean we don't want to check up on you."
"I'm glad that he finally found someone else."
"Why haven't you?" She was folding her clothes and looked at him.
"I don't want anyone, right now. I like being alone and single." He shook his head, got down from the top of the dryer and started helping her with her laundry.
"Yeah, you were always the one that was Miss Independent and Miss Self-Reliant."
"You have a problem with that?" He shook his head.
"Now that he's gone from your life, what are you going to do?"
"Enjoy it."
"Have you ever thought of having a relationship with a demon?" She looked up at him surprised.
"Me with a demon?" She was trying not to laugh. "I think, once, you had Satan, you can't go back from that." He looked down.
"You think that Satan would be better at fucking you than demons?" She shook her head.
"No, I know that demons are, actually, more intelligent than he is." He nodded. "But, I meant what I said, I'm not ready."
"If you were ready, would you mind dating one?" She shook her head and began to walk to her car to put the clothes in.
"No, I'd enough evil for a lifetime." He laughed.
"You haven't done anything evil yet! You haven't killed, sacrificed, etc. So what evil are you talking about?" She looked at him.
"You're right, I haven't done any of those things, but I have already had sex with Satan and have been masturbating over him. I think I crossed the line between insane and evil." He nodded.
"Well, I get it. Satan is like this forbidden fruit. It would be wrong to fuck him, want him and all that. But, it's equally the same for a demon. It's wrong to fuck us, want us and love us too." She nodded.
"That may be. The last time I checked 7.8 billion humans lived on Earth. Pick one." He grinned.
"What if, I picked you?" She shook her head.
"Sorry, I'm already taken." He was taken aback.
"By who?" She gave him a smile.
"Me."
She got into her car and drove away. She wondered, if she was foolish to think that because Satan had moved on that the demons would have moved on too. It was all new to her. She decided to focus on driving as she loved it. She could see the grass on both sides and the long interstate. She shook her head, there was nothing like being on the open road. She decided to play some music while she drove. One of the songs that came on was, "I Knew I Loved You," by Savage Garden.
God went to Satan and found him making out with his new girlfriend and cleared his throat. Satan sighed and shook his head. "You had to interrupt me?" He got up and poured himself a drink. "You want one?" He shook his head. "Suit yourself. What can I do for you?" He closed his eyes and the girl disappeared. "Now, God, that wasn't really necessary."
"I see how quickly you've gotten over Colleen. All that talk about how serious you were and I find you in bed with another woman as being a woman." Satan looked down.
"Oops, forgive me." He closed his eyes and became a man. "I heard that your son had a sex change as well." God stared at him.
"You would know, since you've changed the entire timeline! Are you crazy?"
"I thought that was already obvious?" God grabbed him.
"Are you going to test my patience tonight? I can deal with that."
"God, easy! Relax. What's wrong with this timeline? I think it's a good one."
"Yeah right, America is having one of the worse Presidents I've ever witnessed in my life all because you've made it that way. What were you thinking?" When he saw Satan's face, he realized. "Please don't. Please don't tell me this had something to do with Colleen?" The Devil looked down and God shook his head and took a seat on his bed. "Yeah, you've got it bad for her. How did this have to do with Colleen?" He looked up at him.
"I wanted her to obey me. I was hoping that she would be under my spell instead of me being under hers."
"Did it work?" He shook his head.
"No, she's still stubborn as a mule and still wants it rough." He closed his eyes and covered his ears.
"Please, I don't need to know about your sex life."
"What's wrong with you knowing it? You created it." He sighed.
"Humans to humans, I can handle, anything else, I rather not."
"Let me guess, you're here to talk to me into changing the timeline back to its original?" God nodded. He sighed and crossed his arms.
"And if I don't?" He walked up to him and looked at him.
"I think you have a good idea what I would do to you, if you don't." He swallowed.
"One original timeline coming up."
"Make it fast." Satan saluted him.
"Yes, boss." God left and he shook his head. "He's so annoying." He poured himself a drink.
"I Fell in Love with the Devil," by Avril Lavigne started playing, when Satan showed up in the passenger's seat of Colleen's car. "I see you found that song."
"Shouldn't you be with your lesbian girlfriend or wife?" He looked at her shocked.
"How did you know?" She frowned.
"Your little birdies told me." He nodded as he looked at the road.
"I see that my demons still have feelings for you. When I fell for you, I didn't expect Hell to do so too."
"Why are you here?" He looked at her.
"I miss you and I miss us." He moved closer to her and she shook her head.
"I don't mess around with taken people."
"Oh, but, you did, remember? You had 2 men cheat on their girlfriends to be with you. You had 2 married men, screw around with you while married." He whispered into her ear and kissed her cheek. "Now, you won't be doing the same for me?"
"If you're horny, go to your girl."
He closed his eyes and the car came to a stop. She looked at him and watched him sat on her lap. "That's one thing that I liked about you. You play hard to get well." He traced her lips with his long black fingernail. "I've to confess, I miss kissing you." She shook her head.
"You know what's interesting?" He shook his head as he looked at her breasts. "Your own demons have wanted to have a relationship with me." He looked up at her.
"They don't." She nodded and gave him a smile.
"I've already told them that I was taken." He looked at her surprised.
"By who?"
"Me. I'm like you, I'm selfish and greedy. I don't want to share me." He grabbed her face.
"You might be selfish and greedy like me, but I can force you to share yourself with me or have you forgotten that? You promised that I would be the only one that you would fuck."
"You should know, by now, that humans lie, when they are under pressure." She gave him a fake smile and looked at the back. "Now, if you would excuse me the clothes need to be home."
He tore open her shirt and she looked at him. He put down her bra and began to make love to her right breast with his mouth. She watched as he did her other one. He looked up at her. "Guess you still like me taking you by force." He threw her in the backseat. She was trying to escape, but he didn't let her.
Soon, moans and smoked windows filled the car. Satan smacked her ass, when he was done. "I've missed this ass and this body." He sniffed her ass and turned her over to sniff her pussy. "It's nice to know that you haven't done anything with anyone, but me." She looked at him.
"Like I said, I'm taken." He nodded and noticed that she had scars on her stomach.
"What are those?" Her eyes became big.
"These, I have always had these." He got up to her face.
"Do you really want to lie to me?" He put his fingers inside her pussy. "Why is it wider than the last time that I've fucked you?" She swallowed and looked at him with panic eyes.
"Now, Satan, it's nothing to concern yourself with." He licked her pussy.
"Hmmm… tastes like a baby that was being born. That's interesting." She continued to stare at him with wide eyes. "If I was the only one that you've fucked since and you just had a baby, whose child was it?" She looked away. "Most importantly, where is s/he?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." She tried to leave, but he pinned her down.
"You're not leaving until you give me the truth of what happened. I might have another girlfriend, but I'll always make time for you, she can wait." Colleen nodded.
"And when she finds out that you're cheating on her, she'll come for me." He shook his head.
"She comes for you, that will be the last thing she does in this life. I have all day. What's going on?"
Demons began to tap on the windows. He sighed and closed his eyes. The windows were rolled down. "Hey, Satan, a newborn baby was in the system and get this, the child has your DNA in it."