A/N: Holy crap, guys! I had no idea I had gone this long without updating. I left off in such a crummy spot too...ugh! I don't even have a good excuse. I had this like 3/4 of the way done and then got crazy distracted. I lost my notes for this chapter when I switched phones, so I didn't even really know where I was going with it. But I like what I came up with nonetheless. I have plans for at least one more chapter on my new phone, and I expect to get to that soon since there's literally nothing else to do right now. (I'm really resisting the urge to write a coronavirus in Konoha chapter). Hope everyone is safe and healthy and staying sane! :)

The hospital was busy as fuck.*

"Tobi just brought us another one," Sakura announced, rolling another of the nearly identical-looking male Leaf shinobi into our emergency room.

"Sage," I cursed, trying to focus on healing a simple fracture. "What is happening out there? Where are those damned kids?"

"Nobody knows," said Sakura. "Something attacked all the shinobi Naruto sent after them. Poor Tobi probably lost their scent."

"Right, but what could he do? All these shinobi couldn't just be left out there," I said.

Tobi came inside. "Hey," he said, "I'm going back, and I'm taking Tenzi and Yamarashi."

"Oh, the whole team!" I said. "And any idea where you're going?"

"Yeah, it might be a while," said Tobi. "This is the biggest thing I've ever done."

I exchanged a nervous glance with Sakura. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course I will, Mom," said Tobi. "It's just...you know, we're not exactly sure what we're up against, and we're probably going to end up out of the country."

Well, what do you know? Big bad Tobi Inuzuka wasn't so tough after all. I sensed a bit of reservation. I put down the nameless shinobi's arm and hugged my son. "I'm proud of you," I said. "You're going to do great. Remember what it's all for, you know?"

"Right," he said. "Is Dad home, or is he on patrol?"

"Patrol, I think," I said. "I can let him know where you are."

"No, I'll find him," said Tobi. "Bye, Mom."

"I love you, Obito," I said. I rarely used his full name, but it seemed right here.

"I love you too, Mom," he said. "Aunt Sakura...take care of her while I'm gone alright?"

"Oh, I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" I teased. He laughed and left with Indra out the door. I returned to the broken arm I'd been mending, but I couldn't focus. "Sakura…"

"What?" she asked.

"He's going to die," I moaned.

"What? NO!" she cried.

"I won't let him go! I'm going to tell Naruto to keep him on the wall! I'm-"

"SAKI!" she said sternly. "He's a chunin. He's going to go on tough missions. That's his job."

"Whyyyyy did I ever tell him all of those stories? I practically pushed him out the door and into his grave!"

"Oh, lord, Saki! Stop it!" Sakura ordered. "You know, I was really relieved to hear he was going. He's a little green, yes, but he's the kind of shinobi I want on this mission. I think he can bring Sarada back."

God, I was a terrible friend. Moaning about my kid going on his first big mission when her kid had gone totally rogue. Still, neither of us knew exactly what they were going up against out there. All we knew was that shinobi kept coming back to us injured.

It all ended pretty quickly, actually. The news our kids were coming home was bittersweet when we heard the details of what had happened in the Stone. I had never met Lord Ohnoki in person, but everything I'd heard was totally badass.

"It's not fair," Tobi said at dinner. I'd made his favorite, steak and fried rice with onion soup.

"Well, Lord Ohnoki was old," I said. "Sounds like he died to protect the Stone, which is-"

"No, not him," said Tobi. "I mean, that's sad, but I mean Sarada. I got a special medal for helping in the Stone. She got...demoted."

"What?" I asked.

"Oh, you don't know?" Kiba asked. "Boruto and Sarada were stripped of their rank. They're not genin anymore."

"Oh, shit," I said. "That seems hypocritical. They didn't do anything Naruto and Sakura didn't do!"

"Yeah, and they did way more than any of us, and I got the medal," said Tobi.

"Well, your mission was sanctioned, and there's wasn't," said Kiba. "And Boruto already had a strike against him. Rules are rules."

"It all seems terribly backwards," said Tobi. "As much of a headache as it all was, if they hadn't run, none of us would have been in the Stone to save it. It'd be a huge clusterfuck."

"Well, I'm sure this is only temporary," I said. "They'll earn back their headbands, right?"

"Maybe," said Kiba. "I can't think of a time this was ever done before."

"Well, of course, it's our generation's spawn that comes up with all the exceptions to the rules," I said. "But, I heard Naruto is coming up with a new holiday. Parent-Child day."

"Well, that sounds dumb," said Tobi.

"What? I think it's sweet. Everyone's going to have the day off work to bond with their children," I said.

"BAHA!" Kiba exclaimed. "Of course he'd make that. He never spends time with them otherwise!"

"Kiba, don't talk about the Hokage like that at the table," I said, but we all started laughing, because it was true.

"Yeah, if it's alright, I think I'm going to work on our album that day," said Tobi.

"Okay, two things: one, I didn't know the band was still a thing," I said.

"Of course it is! We found a studio that's going to let us record," Tobi reported proudly.

"Okay," I said. "Second, absolutely not. We're your parents, you're our child, we're bonding."

"We bond all the time," Tobi groaned. "You never leave me alone. You always want to know where I am and what I'm doing and how it went."

"Well, yeah," I said. "That's my job."

"But...you're over the top! And it's not just me. You do it with your friends too," Tobi accused.

"Woah," I said, pushing back from the table to process.

Kiba doubled over laughing. "He's got you there, Saki," he said.

"Excuse me for caring," I said.

"So, you agree, Dad? I'm off the hook?" Tobi asked.

"Oh, hell no," said Kiba. "Prepare for quality family time."

"Fine," said Tobi, "but I'm going to Tenzi's for a week before and a week after."

"Fine," I said. "Just make sure to tell me what you're doing and how it's going while you're there."

"Ugh," Tobi groaned. He tried to eat the rest of his food as quickly as possible to avoid further parent-child bonding.

Tobi tried to sneak out of the house the morning of Parent-Child Day. Thankfully, the dogs tipped us off.

"Nice try," Kiba said as he dragged Tobi back into the house. "And for that little stunt, your mom gets you first."

"I've got the perfect activity for us!" I squealed. "We're going to the spa!"

"The spa? Why?" Tobi asked. Even Indra grumbled.

"Because," I said, running my hands through his hair, "you need grooming."

"DON'T CUT MY HAIR!" Tobi cried.

"Yikes, geez, kid, no," I said. "But it looks like shit as is. You don't look like Madara Uchiha. You look like an unshorn sheep."

Tobi looked at his reflection in a mirror in the dining room after pushing his overgrown hair out of his eyes. "Hm," he said. "Okay."

"Yay!" I said. "Alright, dear, we'll see you later!" I kissed Kiba goodbye, then took Tobi's arm as we went out the door.

We stopped for a quick breakfast before arriving at the spa. Tobi looked terribly out of place there, and I almost regretted dragging him. The main color scheme was pink and sky blue with flowers and butterfly decor. There were many mothers there with their teenage daughters, and I could see them trying to discern whether Tobi was a boy or just a really ugly girl. The big black dog following us wasn't helping.

The woman at the front desk knew me well, though. She was accustomed to seeing me with Suigetsu. "Hello, Saki! Would you like your usual?" I could see her assistant already pouring a sake martini.

"Actually, I'm here with my son today," I said. "As you can see, he needs a bit of a makeover." The teenage girls tittered, and I could feel Tobi turning red. I glared at them over my shoulder.

"Uh-huh. I see," said the woman. "I'll get you an appointment with our stylist. Will you be using any other services today?"

I picked up the menu of services. "Oh, we must get massages. Have you ever had one, Tobi?"

"No," he said.

"A massage, then, and I really want a mani-pedi. Tobi, what do you want to do?"

"Go home?" he asked.

I sighed. "Just do something with his hair," I ordered.

"Sounds like a plan," said the woman. "Follow me."

We weren't exactly together for most of the spa day. I could hear Tobi talking to the stylist around the corner while I got my pedicure. I chortled when I realized they had given him the most flamboyant possible stylist, a guy with spiky frosted hair named Yuga. Tobi was used to being around Suigetsu, though, so he wasn't bothered.

"Ohhhhhh deary deary me," said Yuga. "What do you expect me to do with this?"

"I don't want a single bit of it cut off," said Tobi.

"Ohhhhhhh no. Okay." Deep breaths. "What exactly is your vision for this?"

"I want to look like Madara Uchiha."

"Who?"

"Oh my Sage, are you serious? Madara fucking Uchiha? The father of all Uchiha?"

"I'm sorry, dear, you'll have to speak English."

"Here." I presumed Tobi was pulling up a picture on his phone.

"Ohhhhhh!" Yuga's tone was much more pleasant. "Yummy yummy! Well, erm, hmmm…oh dear, I'm just not sure this is possible."

"Huh?! Why not?!"

"Well, while your hair is definitely the same color as Mr. Uchiha's, I believe what we have is a bit of a texture problem. Your mother, for example, has very fine, straight hair. Your hair, on the other hand...well, it's more like your friend's here." Indra barked.

"Ohhhh," Tobi said, obviously disappointed. "I take after my dad, then."

"Now, not all hope is lost," said Yuga. "This is achievable, but it will take some work. Can I trim a bit around the edges? I won't take off any length, just clean things up for you."

"Ummm, okay," said Tobi.

"Fabulous! Let's get to work!"

When I finished my massage, Yuga met me in the hallway. "Mrs. Inuzuka?"

"Yes, that's me," I said. "What's wrong?"

"We have a surprise for you," he said. "Please sit."

I took a seat in the only seat available, a tiny decorative bench next to a cherry blossom display. The stylist pressed a button on his phone, and upbeat music played. "Mrs. Inuzuka, may I introduce to you, your son, the new and improved Obito Uchiha-Inuzuka!"

Tobi walked around the corner. He was wearing sunglasses, but that was just for show. His hair was no longer an unkept mass of fur growing from his skull. It actually looked like hair, long and flowing. You could see his whole face. You could see his shoulders and his ears kind of. As a mother, you always think your son is handsome, but now, maybe, someone besides Chocho would recognize it.

I squealed. "Oh my gosh, Tobi, you look amazing!"

"I mean, I still don't really look like Madara..."

"You're sixteen," I said. "Of course you don't. But you look amazing nonetheless. Like a prince." I knew he'd hate it, but I kissed his cheek. "Well, Yuga, you've certainly outdone yourself."

"Now, I told him, if he wants to keep this up, he will need lots of products to care for his hair," said Yuga.

"Well, Tobi, do you think you can do that?" I asked.

"Ehh, I don't know," said Tobi. "Maybe I should just cut it. BUT NOT TODAY. I want to show this off first."

Tobi got his massage, and then the two of us walked back to the lobby to pay. The girls who were there with their moms stared at Tobi. Some of them blushed and giggled amongst themselves. I smiled with pride.

"Mom," Tobi whispered. "Will you buy those products for me?"

"You got it, ladykiller," I whispered back. Tobi whipped out his phone while I shelled out hundreds of bucks for our bonding experience. I wouldn't take back a penny of it. I had a feeling my son's life was going to change in some very tangible ways. That was exciting, but kind of scary. I had never been really concerned that Tobi would go for Chocho (admittedly, I wouldn't think that would be such a terrible thing), and Sarada told me that all of the girls who had crushes on Tobi were even more bizarre. The only girl that Tobi ever talked about having a crush on was his sensei Marishiku, which had, like my crush on Kakashi, become more of a running joke than a real thing at this point. "Hey, Tobi, are there any girls you have your eye on?"

Tobi ignored my question. "Did you know Uncle Sasuke was in town?!"

"Oh, good!" I exclaimed. The girl at the counter handed me change, and we walked out of the spa. "I told him I'd kill him if he didn't come today to see Sarada."

"Yeah, Tenzi just saw him. Said he was just brooding over the river," said Tobi.

"What? Ugh," I said, restraining myself from saying "emo piece of shit" in my son's presence. I reached into my purse and grabbed my phone.

"Hey, Saki," said a familiar voice. I looked up to see Kakashi.

"Kakashi? What's up?" I asked giving him a light hug. "You don't have a kid."

"So I can't come into town if I don't have a kid? I still have to, you know, grocery shop and stuff," he said.

"Right," I said.

"Hi, Kakashi," said Tobi.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Tobi? Oh my. You look completely different!"

"Right? We went to the spa!" I gushed.

"The spa? Interesting choice for mother-son bonding," said Kakashi.

"Well, what else?" I laughed.

"I thought it was lame at first too, but I really needed it. Yuga is legit," said Tobi. "I'm going to be swimming in-"

"TOBI!"

"Huh? Hairspray?" Tobi finished.

"Oh, right. Lots of products," I said.

"What did you think I was going to…?"

"Nothing. Hey, Kakashi, have you happened to see Sasuke around?"

"Sasuke? No, I didn't realize he was coming home," said Kakashi.

"Sounds like he's having issues with Sarada. He was last seen brooding over the river. You should go check on him," I said.

"Alright," said Kakashi. "Enjoy the rest of your day!"

"You too!" I said. "And if you're not too busy tonight, you should come over for dinner!"

"Oh, no, I don't want to intrude on your day," said Kakashi.

"I'm about to pass Tobi off to Kiba," I said. "I was just going to catch up with Sakura tonight."

"Oh, gotcha," said Kakshi. "Okay!"

We knocked on the Uchiha's door. Sakura answered. "Hi, Saki! And you brought Kakashi. Of course you did."

"Nice to see you too, Sakura," Kakashi teased.

"Hi, Aunt Saki! Hi, Kakashi Sensei!" Sarada exclaimed as we walked in.

Sasuke was brooding in the living room. "No Kiba and Tobi?"

"They're doing their own thing tonight," I said. "So, how was Father-Daughter day?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Touching," I said. "Sarada, how was Father-Daughter day?"

"It was good," she said quietly. "I like when my dad is home."

I looked accusingly at Sasuke. He shrugged again.

"Well, I made barbecue enough for everyone," Sakura said. "Let's eat."

Over the course of the meal it came out that Kakashi was using Make Out Paradise as his blueprint for helping Sasuke. I facepalmed so hard I nearly fell into my plate. "In what universe did you think that was a good idea?"

"Those books practically raised me," said Kakashi. "I had nothing else to go on."

"There are so many disturbing implications of that statement," I said.

"I don't know why you're surprised, Saki," said Sakura. "Kakashi doesn't have kids."

"You know, I've noticed something," I said. "And stop me if this is too personal."

Kakashi clutched his heart. "What did you just say?"

"That I've noticed something?"

"No, the second thing," said Kakashi.

"Stop me if this is too personal."

Kakashi coughed. "You've never said that before."

"Huh? Oh," I said, blushing. "I guess…"

"You really have grown up," said Kakashi.

"Stop reminding me," I said. "So anyways. I've noticed that there are a lot of single, childless people in your generation. Why is that?"

"Oh boy," said Kakashi.

"That is very personal," said Sakura.

"Which is why I said he could stop me," I said.

"It's fine. It's just complicated to answer. Our generation was different. The Third Shinobi War didn't bring everyone together the way the Fourth Shinobi War did. We really didn't get to be kids, me especially. I saw lots of kids my age and younger die. A lot of us came out of it emotionally stunted," he said. Everyone sat in silence staring at their food. "And I was in the ANBU, so I really had my emotions suppressed, especially after everything that happened with my dad. You know all that already. Anyways, it really wasn't until you kids came along that I started to open up again."

"Aw," Sakura said.

"Maybe that's the real reason I haven't tried," said Kakashi. "I already had the four of you."

"Awwwwww!" Sakura gushed. She leaned over and hugged Kakashi. "We're so glad you're here to spend this day with us!"

It was an incredibly sweet moment, but I of course had secondary thoughts. I exchanged a glance with Sasuke. "Umm...I'm sure I've said this before, but I think it needs to be said again...I'm soooo sorry!" I said to Kakashi.

"Huh?" said Kakashi.

"We were awful," I said.

"I wasn't awful," said Sakura.

"True," I said. "But between me, Naruto, and Sasuke...ooooof."

"What?" Kakashi said. "You were...you were not easy, but I cared about each of you more than I thought I could care for a student."

"You don't have to sugar coat it, Kakashi," I said. "We were birth control."

"I would not say that," said Kakashi. "But...I guess I might have been a little too wrapped up in what was going on with you all to really focus on myself."

"Oh, wow, Sasuke, we cockblocked him hard," I said. "I'm so sorry, Kakashi! I hope you're getting out there now."

Kakashi shrugged. "I'm too old now, Saki, even if I wanted to."

"You are not too old," I said. "Guys are never too old to have kids."

"Maybe not biologically," laughed Kakashi. "It's fine, really. I appreciate the concern, as always, Saki, but I'm good."

"Okay, I'll drop it," I said. Then to Sasuke: "We're still birth control." And would you know it? Sasuke actually smiled at that.

*Damn. That would be an excellent line to start a coronavirus in Konoha chapter.