Of all the Pam Burkhart episodes, this was probably the most fun to rewrite. Jackie moving into the hotel is an idea I'm pretty happy with, and the rewrites here meant reducing Mitch's part, which was great (Pam isn't a great character, but she's largely innocuous; I can't stand Mitch in these episodes.)
We're assuming that episode order shifts around a little here; "Substitute" is now 6-18. We assume that 6-17, "Happy Jack," plays out as we know it.
SHOW TITLE
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
A simple hotel room at the Point Place Hotel: bed, bath, a crappy black-and-white TV. But this basic layout has brightly colored pillows and glittery framed portraits to jazz it up. JACKIE goes around the room, adjusting her things on the bed and dresser.
DONNA enters, a box full of stuffed unicorns in her arms.
DONNA:
Here you go: one box worth of unicorns. Which leaves three boxes worth still in my room.
JACKIE:
Yeah, I don't have space for everything here. But, this way, you won't have to miss me. Every morning, when you wake up, those happy unicorn faces will be a little piece of Jackie to brighten up your day.
Donna laughs as she sets down the box.
DONNA:
You know, Jackie, I am gonna miss you. Since you've started living with us, my dad's finally had someone to watch The Love Boat with. Are you sure you won't change your mind?
JACKIE:
I'm sure, Donna. When my mom came back, I stayed with you and your dad because I couldn't go back to living with her. If she's still moving into your house, then I can't be there.
Donna opens her arms, and Jackie steps in for a big hug.
DONNA:
Okay, I'm gonna go. We'll hold on to the rest of your stuff.
JACKIE:
Just don't lose any of it inside your giant shoes.
They both smile, and Donna exits.
She's no sooner gone than HYDE enters, three keys in his hand. He presents them to Jackie.
HYDE:
Okay, Jackie. Here's your room key, the kitchen key if you ever need me, and the master key. Gets you in to all the closets, cabinets – basically all the towels, soaps, and booze you could want.
JACKIE:
Guests aren't supposed to have this.
HYDE:
(shrugs)
Neither are kitchen staff.
Jackie nods, "a-ha," and puts the keys away.
HYDE:
Hey, so, Forman's taking the guys mini golfing. You wanna come?
JACKIE:
No. I just want to lie down for a while.
HYDE:
Okay.
He kisses her forehead.
HYDE (cont'd):
I'll check in on you when I come back for my shift. I'll make dinner.
JACKIE:
Hey, I hadn't thought of that - with you working here, it's like I have my own personal valet. Will you bring me breakfast in bed every morning for room service?
HYDE:
No.
JACKIE:
Will you bring me fresh towels and make the bed every day?
HYDE:
No.
JACKIE:
(beat)
Will you be late to mini golf and help me "break in" the bed?
HYDE:
Anything to make your stay more comfortable.
They both smile and step into a kiss. Jackie puts her arms around Hyde's neck and pulls him down on top of her on the bed.
MAIN CREDITS
BUMPER
EXT. GOLFCOURSE – DAY
The Point Place mini golf course, with all the charmingly tacky landmarks you'd expect of a small-town setup like this. ERIC, FEZ, and KELSO watch as a YOUNG BOY putts his ball into the windmill and sinks it. The guys give a quiet golf clap. Once the boy runs off, Fez moves into position to take his shot.
Hyde walks up between Eric and Kelso. His walk is just a little awkward and bow-legged.
HYDE:
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
ERIC:
Oh, did moving Jackie into the hotel take more time than you thought?
HYDE:
No, we were done with that a while ago.
ERIC:
(shrugs)
Man, she must really be upset at her mom. I mean, I don't think Pam's even moved in with Bob yet.
KELSO:
She hasn't. On my weekends home from the police academy, I've been staking out all your houses for surveillance practice. Pam's still not camping at the Pinciotti's. But she and Bob are really getting Bob's money's worth out of that hot tub.
FEZ:
FORE!
He takes, not a gentle put, but a full-on swing.
ERIC:
WHOA!
Fez's ball goes sailing over the course and out towards the parking lot.
HYDE:
Watch out!
ERIC:
Parking lot!
Glass shatters. Fez, Eric, and Hyde all wince.
KELSO:
Eh, it was just a Pinto.
Eric and Hyde round on Fez.
HYDE:
Fez, this is putt-putt. Your choices are putt or putt.
Before Fez can respond, a short – very short – figure steps out from behind the nearby counter – MITCH, in the silliest of golf hats.
MITCH:
Hey, what the hell?
(sees Eric)
Oh, Forman. I should've known it was you guys. Most people who come here can't hit the ball that hard on account of they're in kindergarten.
ERIC:
Mitch. Congratulations. This seems like the perfect job for someone your size, what with the free lodging in the little castle at hole six.
MITCH:
Yeah, there's just enough room in there for me and your mom.
The guy all "ooh."
KELSO:
(to Eric)
Yeah, the sweetest burns involve doing it with your mom.
MITCH:
Look, just quit hitting the ball that hard, or you guys are out of here.
He pokes at Eric's chest and goes back to the counter.
ERIC:
God, I hate that guy. Tear him a new hole in one.
HYDE:
Wow, Forman. Haven't seen you this pissed since I chased you around your house with that spider in a jar. You were, like -
(doing Eric)
"Hyde, I swear to God!"
(normal voice)
But you never did anything.
ERIC:
Yeah? Well, I'm about to do something.
He tees up for his shot and, like Fez, gives a full swing. His ball shoots up, ricochets off the windmill, and flies over to the counter, where Mitch is on the phone. The ball beans him in the head. Mitch drops the phone and drops like a rock. The guys drop their clubs and rush over.
BUMPER
INT. HOTEL HALL – DAY
Later in the afternoon. A row of doors. From one, ROY stumbles out, a woman's kimono clutched in his hands. The door slams shut behind him.
Roy clutches at the kimono and stares blankly at the door. He doesn't notice Jackie come up behind him until she taps him on the shoulder.
JACKIE:
Hey, Roy.
ROY:
Oh, hey, Jackie. How're you liking the hotel?
JACKIE:
Well, it's nice to have a maid again. And she has a bigger moustache than my dad, just like our maid back home.
(nods to kimono)
Whatcha got there?
ROY:
Oh, you know we're having that Japanese cultural festival in the hotel this week? Yeah, there's these dancers who put on a show. They wear these kimonos.
JACKIE:
Oh, was that one lost?
ROY:
No, I was in their room when they came in, so I hid in the closet. They threw me out.
He looks down at his feet, unable to meet Jackie's raised, condescending brows.
An extremely hairy man in a flowered sundress and a hand fan comes up the hall, behind Jackie and Roy. They are slow to turn and notice him, but when they do, Jackie's eyes bulge out and she takes a step back. Roy takes the sight in stride.
ROY (cont'd):
Oh, hey, Frank.
FRANK snaps his fan shut and shakes it at Roy.
FRANK:
I've told you – when I'm here in my gown, you call me Lady Laguna!
JACKIE:
(scoffs)
You call that a gown?
Frank's glare snaps her way. Jackie inches toward Roy, who holds the kimono out between them and Frank like a shield.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Whatever the lady says.
Frank gives her a brusque nod. He proceeds down the hall, his head turned to watch Jackie and Roy the entire time.
BUMPER
MUSIC NOTE: "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealers Wheel.
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY
For once, the basement is empty. Magazines, comics, and a Millennium Falcon-shaped carrying case full of action figures cover the coffee table. Not that the basement stays empty: Kelso opens the door and leads in Hyde and Eric, supporting Mitch between them. Fez brings up the rear. Mitch has a large bandage covering his forehead.
The guys see Mitch over to the couch, where they set him down in the center seat. Eric sits to his right as Hyde crosses to his chair, Fez sits in the lawn chair, and Kelso sits on Mitch's left.
ERIC:
Mitch, I am so sorry. The doctor said it was only a mild concussion, so...
MITCH:
What? I've lost the ability to process language, on account of I have a concussion!
(sighs)
Forman, why are we always fighting? I can't even remember how we got this way.
KELSO:
I've had chicks say that to me.
FEZ:
No. That was me.
Kelso and Fez share an awkward look.
MITCH:
(to Eric)
Don't you think that we should be friends? I mean, we're pretty much the same guy. We're into all the same stuff – Spider-Man, Batman, Famous Monsters of Filmland...
(sees Star Wars toys)
And Star Wars! Look at this!
He picks up the Darth Vader figure from the case.
MITCH (cont'd):
I can't believe you got a hold of the Darth Vader with the green lightsaber! Pew! Pew! Pew!
He starts swinging the doll around as he makes the noise. Eric shakes his head and takes the doll from him.
ERIC:
What? No, no. It's –
He proceeds to make more accurate, and more nerdy, lightsaber sound effects.
ERIC:
(to Hyde)
What a geek.
FEZ:
(to Kelso)
They look happy. Why don't we have a game?
KELSO:
Man, you are always on about that these days. "Why don't we have a song? Why don't we have a movie?"
FEZ:
If you gave me an answer, maybe I wouldn't always be on about it.
KELSO:
Look, can we not do this when we have company over? We'll talk about it later.
FEZ:
Oh, sure. Later, later, always later, but later never comes!
They both snap their heads away from each other. Eric, Mitch, and Hyde take a moment to stare at them before going back to their business.
MITCH:
Come on, Eric. Let's hang out.
ERIC:
Okay, well... you're obviously having some kind of reaction to your medications. Why don't you just give your dad a call, get a ride home.
He indicates the phone. Mitch looks down, puts a finger to his bandage, and pokes at it repeatedly.
MITCH:
(on each poke)
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Eric heaves a deep sigh, rolls his eyes, and hands Darth Vader back to Mitch.
ERIC:
You can be Darth Vader. Just don't wreck the lightsaber.
MITCH:
Really? Thanks!
He starts swinging Darth Vader around again, with inaccurate sound effects.
HYDE:
Uh, Forman?
Hyde stands, takes Eric by the arm, and pulls him to the deep freeze.
HYDE (cont'd):
(hushed)
Man, what the hell are you thinking? We've already got a weak, squeaky nerd-boy hanging around here – you. And Mitch doesn't have any of your better qualities, like a house I can live in. I mean, look at him.
He points over to Mitch, who is pointing to Kelso. More specifically, he's leaning into Kelso, his finger hovering just barely away from Kelso's temple.
KELSO:
What are you doing?
MITCH:
I'm not touching you.
KELSO:
Stop it.
MITCH:
But I'm not touching you.
KELSO:
Stop not touching me!
MITCH:
Okay.
He gives Kelso a sharp poke to the temple.
MITCH (cont'd):
(laughs)
Wasn't it better when I wasn't touching you?
KELSO:
(laughs)
Yeah.
Mitch puts his finger back up, and Kelso does the same to him. Eric looks back to Hyde.
ERIC:
Look, Mitch knows I'm just being nice, okay? This can't last more than a few days, tops. And, I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
The basement door opens, and Donna enters.
MITCH:
(to Donna)
Oh, wow! You are gorgeous! You're the hottest redhead since Batgirl! And you're not just gorgeous – I mean, you radiate intelligence and deep thought. A real sense of self.
DONNA:
Eric, I like your new friend.
She smiles at a beaming Mitch as Eric and Hyde share a look.
BUMPER
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
The hotel ballroom. It is filled with booths, stands, tables, and small stages, all for the Japanese cultural festival, which has drawn a healthy nighttime crowd. At a makeshift Japanese steakhouse grill, the chef performs for the gathered crowd, slicing and preparing fish with an elaborate display of cutting and knife throwing.
Jackie sits at the bar watching. She is wearing a dark floral kimono, with her hair in a French twist style held with chopsticks. Hyde, in his chef's jacket, comes up behind her.
HYDE:
Oh, I could get used to this look.
Jackie turns around, stands.
JACKIE:
Oh, there you are.
She kisses him.
HYDE:
How's it going?
JACKIE:
Well, I was yelled at by Lady Laguna, the concierge keeps inviting me to the "private suite" under his desk, and Roy's offered me a charming look at what Fez will be like in 20 years.
HYDE:
Now, Jackie, that's not fair. Fez has actually had a girlfriend.
Jackie considers that, shrugs.
HYDE (cont'd):
Look, man, if this isn't working out, then maybe you can move back with –
JACKIE:
No, no – I'm fine.
(sighs)
Can we just go back to my room and have some dinner?
HYDE:
Sure. Hope you don't mind salad and burgers. Roy didn't shut the freezer all the way when he went in there to cry, so the ground beef's about the only thing left that's not a 50/50 risk of salmonella.
They hold hands and start to head for the exit when they bump into another couple – RED and KITTY. And BOB is with them too.
JACKIE:
Oh! Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Forman. Hi, Mr. Pinciotti.
KITTY:
Well, hello, Jackie.
BOB:
Hi there, Jackie. Isn't this festival great?
(points to grill)
I love this one. It's not just dinner. It's a thrill ride, 'cause there's a small chance you're getting knifed.
RED:
I don't know, Bob. I've tried to avoid Asians with weapons ever since 7,000 of them tried to kill me.
KITTY:
(laughs)
Well, it's thanks to the work of brave men like you that America's enemies are now performing at a tiny local festival in a two-star hotel.
JACKIE:
What are you all doing here?
BOB:
Pammy thought it'd make a good double date.
JACKIE:
Wait, my mom's here?
BOB:
Yep. She's just freshening up.
JACKIE:
(to Hyde)
My room, Steven. Now.
She lets Hyde lead her by the hand around the adults. Bob starts after them.
BOB:
Come on, Jackie. Give your mom a chance. I think she really wanted to come here so she could see you.
Jackie pulls Hyde to a stop, rounds on Bob.
JACKIE:
Well, I don't want to see her, so you can stop trying to help her get to me.
BOB:
I just don't like seeing you two not get along. And your mom's been such a peach since we got together. I wanna help you two out.
JACKIE:
Well, she doesn't deserve it! Steven, is there another way out of here? A back door or a secret bookcase passage?
HYDE:
Okay, someone's had a relapse on Nancy Drew.
Nevertheless, he takes her away from the main entrance to a small door in the far corner.
JACKIE:
God, I can't believe Bob! Why can't he just accept that I don't want to see my...
Hyde opens the door to:
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
A small hallway connecting just two doors, a staff passageway. Inside, Jackie and Hyde find two people making out – PAM and a Japanese man dressed for the grill.
JACKIE:
MOM?
Pam breaks away from her partner, breathless.
PAM:
Oh, Jackie, there you are. Meet Hirohito.
HIROHITO smiles and waves. Jackie, eyes wide, rounds on Hyde.
JACKIE:
What is it with this hotel and cheating?
Hyde shifts on his feet as Jackie turns back to her mom, gaping.
FADE TO BLACK
COMMMERCIAL
BUMPER
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Right where we left off. As Hyde and Hirohito stand uncomfortably by, Jackie advances on Pam.
JACKIE:
Mom, what are you doing? You're supposed to be here with Bob.
PAM:
Oh, you ran into Bob. Isn't he just a doll, bringing me here? Who would've thought a man with such bad dress sense could be so sweet?
JACKIE:
Yeah, Bob is sweet. And you're cheating on him! With some cook at a crappy hotel!
She can feel Hyde's eyes on the back of her neck. She steps back to him and puts a hand on his chest.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Which can be a good thing, if you've got the right combination of looks and brains to make up for it, and if you're not with someone else.
PAM:
Oh, honey, don't be silly. Hirohito's only here for the festival. His day job is as a Lincoln dealer.
HIROHITO:
34th and Donegal.
JACKIE:
(gasps)
Lincolns? Could you get a deal on a pink – no, no!
(to Pam)
Mom, how can you do this to Bob? He really likes you, and he's done nothing but stick up for you since you came back to town.
PAM:
Oh, Bob will be fine.
JACKIE:
No, he won't! Bob's had a horrible time with break-ups before, but he's never had anyone cheat on him. How can you do this when you're moving in together?
PAM:
Well... Jackie, the truth is, when you wouldn't speak to me after I came back, when Bob asked me out, it seemed like the only way I could see you. And when he asked me to move in, I thought it was a way you and I could be together. But now that you've moved out... did I mention Hirohito has a summer home back east?
HIROHITO:
Cape Cod.
JACKIE:
(to Pam)
So you just used Bob to try and get to me? Mom, you can't just throw your looks at some guy and use him to get whatever you want. I've learned the world doesn't work like that.
PAM:
Oh, I knew I shouldn't have sent you to public school.
JACKIE:
Just think, Mom. What if it had worked? You and me would be back home, or living with this Hirohito guy, but what happens when someone else comes along who's richer? Or what happens when you get another chance to run off to Mexico, or Paris, or Milan?
HIROHITO:
Kyoto is lovely this time of year, too.
Everyone turns to glare at him.
HIROHITO (cont'd):
But, carry on.
JACKIE:
(to Pam)
Mom, all this does is show me that you're still running from one place to another, looking for something better instead of just being happy with what you have. That's why you left after Daddy went to prison, and it's why I haven't wanted to see you. And why I still don't.
She passes Pam and Hirohito and runs out the other end of the hallway. Pam shifts on her feet, Hirohito scratches at the back of his neck.
Hyde takes a step toward them.
HYDE:
(to Hirohito)
Hey, if the Lincoln thing doesn't work out, this crappy hotel does actually need a cook for weekend shifts. Just one thing –
(points to Pam)
No dogs allowed in the kitchen.
He passes them and follows after Jackie.
BUMPER
EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY
The next morning. The Toyota rests in the driveway, the hood popped. Eric holds a flashlight for Red as he works on the engine. Kitty is in the Toyota, behind the wheel.
RED:
(to Eric)
I just think it's pretty suspicious that after we left the Japanese festival, our Japanese car broke down.
Eric's chance to throw some snark at that xenophobia is cut short when Mitch strolls up the driveway.
MITCH:
(to Eric)
Hey, buddy.
Kitty steps out of the car to take a look at Eric's new friend. Mitch makes a show of reacting to her.
MITCH (cont'd):
Whoa, Eric, you didn't tell me you had an older sister.
ERIC:
Oh, please. If you're gonna go with fake charm, let's keep it in the realm of reality, okay?
KITTY:
Oh, you shut your porky mouth. I have the skin of a 25-year old. Who smokes.
Mitch turns to Red, polishing a nut.
MITCH:
You know, Mr. Forman, I learned a little about cars from my uncle who used to fix tanks in Vietnam. Now that's hero's work, fixing machines that kill people you don't agree with. My only regret is that I haven't yet had a chance to fight for my country.
RED:
Really? Eric's only regret is that he doesn't live in space.
ERIC:
That's not my only regret. It's just one of them.
He goes back to holding the flashlight, only now, it's for Mitch.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY
A truncated gathering. Kelso leans on the deep freeze, nursing a popsicle, Donna sits in Hyde's chair, Eric on the back of one end of the couch, Mitch in the seat on the other end, and Fez in the lawn chair. "My Best Friend's Girl" by the Cars plays on the radio.
Fez, Kelso, and especially Eric wear long faces as Donna humors Mitch's nerdy babble.
MITCH:
So I'm at this garage sale, and I look down, and there they were – Godzilla, Mothra, and Rodan, all in mint condition! It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen.
(to Donna)
At least until I met you.
Donna giggles, runs a hand through her hair. Eric climbs down from the back of the couch and stands over Mitch.
ERIC:
Okay, Mitch. Don't you have something you need to do?
MITCH:
You know, you're right. I almost forgot. I said I'd make omelets for everyone!
(points to Kelso)
Onions...
(points to Fez)
Peppers...
(points to Donna)
And only the most succulent of honey-glazed ham for a honey-red honey.
ERIC:
Okay, "honey-red?" That's not even a thing!
Donna giggles, nudges Eric with her foot.
DONNA:
That sounds great, Mitch.
Kelso and Fez nod their approval. Mitch nods back, heads up the stairs.
Eric sits down in the couch seat closest to Donna.
ERIC:
Donna, why do you keep encouraging Mitch?
DONNA:
Eric, it's no big deal.
ERIC:
Yes, it is. Look, he already likes everything I like, he's buttering up my parents, now he's making moves on you... it's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers if the pod people were all leprechauns.
Kelso crosses to the other end of the couch, near Fez, and sits down.
FEZ:
Okay, Kelso. I have a game we can have. Truth or Dare?
KELSO:
(rolls eyes)
All right, fine. Truth.
FEZ:
Have you ever snuck into Donna's bathroom when she was showering?
Eric and Donna look over at Kelso. He shifts in his seat.
KELSO:
(to Fez)
I mean, dare.
FEZ:
Oh, come on, out with the truth! I know you've snuck in there. I was there, and I saw you!
Donna and Eric, and Kelso, look to him, as Mitch comes down the stairs with two plates in hand.
FEZ:
I mean, dare, yes. Dare.
MITCH:
Oh, are you guys playing Truth or Dare? I'm in.
He passes the plates in his hands to Kelso and Donna, then takes a seat in the hoppity hop.
MITCH (cont'd):
Okay, Mitch – truth or dare? Um, I pick dare, Mitch. Okay, Mitch. I dare you to kiss Donna.
(gasps)
Mitch! Naughty Mitch.
DONNA:
(laughing)
Mitch, you goofball, that's not how it works. It'd have to be, like, "I dare you to kiss me."
MITCH:
(shrugs)
Okay.
He leaps from the hoppity hop onto Donna with a massive kiss.
ERIC:
What the hell?
KELSO:
(laughs)
He did it!
FEZ:
Look at him go! He's like a hummingbird!
Donna pushes Mitch off her, helped by Eric pulling him off.
ERIC:
Mitch, I can't believe you! You just flew at her like one of the little monkeys from The Wizard of Oz!
DONNA:
Eric, relax. He was just fooling around. He didn't mean anything by it.
MITCH:
Yeah, Eric. What's a little fooling around among friends?
(to Donna)
Wait, what was that second thing you said?
ERIC:
(to Mitch)
We're not friends, man! We never were! I only let you hang out here because I felt bad for you, but guess what? I don't like you! And neither does anyone else!
MITCH:
(beat)
Fine. I won't bother you guys anymore.
Head bowed, he makes his way to the basement door. He exits, then immediately sticks his head back in.
MITCH (cont'd):
Somebody needs to check Fez's omelet in about three minutes!
He exits again.
Eric sighs, sits back down. The others all eye him carefully; they don't often see that kind of outburst from him.
KELSO:
Well, that was brutal.
DONNA:
Yeah. Nice going, Eric.
ERIC:
What? Donna, he just mauled you like a miniature French cat.
DONNA:
Yeah, well... he worshipped me, okay? I always thought Jackie was ridiculous for falling for stuff like that, but I swear, I thought Mitch was gonna light a fire and dance around me!
KELSO:
Yeah, I feel bad for the little guy. I just wanna put him up on my shoulders and buy him a balloon.
(to Fez)
So, Fez – what if I dared you to kiss Donna?
Fez sits up, intrigued. Donna rolls her eyes.
BUMPER
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Day 2 of the Japanese cultural festival. A thinner crowd in the daytime. Jackie walks the floor in her regular clothes. She finds Roy doing the same thing, clipboard in hand.
JACKIE:
Hi, Roy. So, any more luck with the Japanese dancers?
ROY:
I think so. One of them came to see me in the kitchen this morning. She was screaming, "give me back my kimono," but...
He trails off, shrugs. Jackie gives him an indulgent nod and continues on her way.
She passes by the Japanese steakhouse set-up, where Hirohito is working the grill. Pam and Bob are at the bar. Before they can see her, Jackie ducks behind a nearby dragon figure flanking another booth. But she is still within range to hear.
PAM:
I'm sorry, Bob.
BOB:
Hey, when things got tough between Midge and me, we did all sorts of crazy things to stay close to Donna. Although talking it over while the guy you were seeing behind my back makes our food – that's a new one.
HIROHITO:
And still, you tipped. Thank you.
He gives Bob a slight bow, and Bob gives a wave back. Pam smiles, rubs Bob's back.
PAM:
You know, Bob, you aren't the smoothest or the classiest guy I've ever dated, but you are the sweetest.
(sighs)
You know, for the first time in my life, I feel like I need to do some work on myself. Not on the outside, obviously, because – well, come on. But on the inside.
(takes Bob's hand)
And I could use some help.
BOB:
Sure.
He leans in, kisses her cheek.
BOB (cont'd):
You wanna try seeing Jackie again?
PAM:
(beat)
No. No, I think she needs her space. And she needs to see that I've made some changes. She deserves to see that. And I'd better start making them.
BOB:
Okay.
They stand, link arms, and start to walk away.
PAM:
Now, for change number one – how attached are you to those zebra rings?
That conversation continues as they exit the ballroom.
Jackie steps out from behind the dragon and looks after them. She cups a hand over her mouth as the other goes over her heart.
Hyde, in his chef's jacket, comes up behind her.
HYDE:
Hey.
She turns around to him, her eyes slightly wet.
HYDE (cont'd):
Everything okay?
JACKIE:
Yeah, yeah.
She hugs him around the waist. He hugs her back.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Um, Steven? Do you have your master key on you?
HYDE:
No...
JACKIE:
Well, I've got mine, so where's the nearest closet?
Hyde smiles at her. He takes her hand and leads her toward the corner door.
BUMPER
EXT. GOLFCOURSE – NIGHT
Mini golf, after hours. Mitch, alone, oils the windmill. Eric slowly comes up behind him.
ERIC:
Hey, Mitch. Look, I – I wanted to apologize.
MITCH:
That's okay. I guess I was out of line too. I shouldn't have jumped on your girlfriend. In front of you. It's just – you have such a great life. And if I never see you or your friends ever again, I'm always gonna treasure that time that I spent with Donna.
ERIC:
Okay, well... then I'll just say goodbye.
Eric turns to leave. He makes it about three steps before Mitch heaves a heavy sigh, stopping Eric in his tracks.
MITCH:
So lonely...
Eric wrestles with the air, screws up his face – and caves.
ERIC:
Hey, Mitch, uh... you know, if you ever wanna hang out, you know, you're always... you know.
In a flash, Mitch is at his side.
MITCH:
Great, thanks!
ERIC:
Oh, are we gonna do this now?
MITCH:
Yeah, buddy, let's do it!
ERIC:
(beat)
Okay.
MITCH:
All right. Hey, so – do you think I might have a shot with Donna?
ERIC:
Mitch, she's my fiancée.
MITCH:
So that's a maybe!
He walks off, hands in the air. Eric drags his own hands down his face as he considers what he's locked himself into for the foreseeable future.
FADE TO BLACK
CREDITS
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
The ballroom, the festival still under way. Roy approaches the corner door and opens it. He finds Jackie and Hyde in the midst of a furious make-out session. They stop and freeze when Roy sees them.
ROY:
Are you allowed to do that in here?
JACKIE:
(beat)
Are you allowed to ransom a dancer's kimono for a date?
Roy considers that for a moment. He studies Jackie's face carefully; she's ready to play hard ball on this.
ROY:
I was never here.
Jackie and Hyde nod. They go back to making out, Roy shuts the door, and continues on his way.
END.