In the aftermath of Gryffindor's 420-110 victory over Hufflepuff spirits in the house had been running high. Their team was once more perched atop the standings for the Quidditch Cup and celebrations had gone long into the night. Now, in the morning light, many students awakened to find themselves contorted on common room furniture amidst their housemates. As others trickled down from the dormitories above, many of the younger students passed each other awkwardly, blushing or avoiding eye contact as the reality of the impromptu snogging of the night before set in fully.
Sirius smiled in amusement as he witnessed a similar interaction between Remus and their housemate Britt Lawson. Though the conversation between the two did not seem to be going comfortably for either, Sirius hoped that whatever had happened between them the night before might finally push his friend over the hump. While the secret werewolf's reluctance to become too closely involved with most, let alone a member of the opposite sex was understandable to him, Sirius thought having a more than friendly connection might benefit the most reserved, studious member of their quartet.
Speaking of more than friendly connections, Sirius allowed his mind to wander back to the night he had enjoyed with Shannon O'Donnell. It had been some time since their "date" in Hogsmeade, but they had managed to meet covertly on more than one occasion to enjoy further editions. The well-proportioned blonde had little wit to speak of. Of course they did have some shared interests, but the one he found most important was fantastic. She never failed to ensure he enjoyed their meetings immensely. Blessedly it was purely physical for each of them. Absent the public pressures of Hogsmeade there was never even a need for superficial romance or entertaining inane conversation topics he couldn't care less about. Without any commitment he didn't have to put up with neediness or demands for some deep emotional connection. Outside his close friends and James's incredibly supportive family, that well had been long-poisoned and it was one he felt no incentive to cleanse any time soon.
Shaking his thoughts from the dark rails they were threatening to travel, he was surprised to see the attractive blonde witch standing before him. As she looked down at him, Sirius casually smoothed the back of his hair down and smirked in her direction.
"Hey," she said tentatively, raising her small hand in a tiny wave.
Sirius was surprised that she was engaging him in a one-on-one conversation. "Hello," he said lukewarmly.
"I…uhh…enjoyed last night," Shannon continued, looking down and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"Yeah. Me too."
She blushed. "I guess I already said that yesterday…"
Sirius squinted his eyes, looking at her intently. "Several times actually."
An awkward silence fell between them.
Sirius sat up from his relaxed position on the couch. "Did you need something?"
Shannon's hand rose to cover her mouth as she appeared to waver between speaking and leaving. Finally, she fixed him with an icy glare. "You're a real arse!" she yelled, drawing the attention of all the Gryffindors currently bustling about the common room.
Sirius immediately stood, his irritation rising. "Excuse me?" he hissed back.
"What's wrong with you?" she yelled again. "We've been doing this on-and-off for months now. And all you have to say after last night is 'did you need something'?"
Sirius crossed his arms and glared at Shannon fiercely. "This is not the place," he barked loudly.
"What is the place, then? Breakfast? By the lake? Hogsmeade next weekend? You know, the places where boys take girls they care about?" she shot back, clearly seething.
The crowd had now formed a clear circle around the feuding pair. The male students in the audience largely appeared amused, while their female counterparts stared on in either shock or cold intensity.
"Ohhh ho!" Sirius defended, turning sideways and wagging a finger in the space between them. "You agreed this was never about that."
"Of course I did. I thought I could get a chance to know you. And you'd get to know me and maybe things would change…"
"And I was clear from the beginning," he said icily.
"Well excuse me if things weren't so clear last night," Shannon spat.
Gasps and 'oohs' rang out from the surrounding students at the latest revelation.
Sirius felt the heat rising within him. "I never promised you anything. I got to know you plenty first half of our trip to Hogsmeade in November. You want to hear the truth in front of all these people?" he raged, not waiting to hear Shannon's answer. "After that trip I felt more comfortable than ever with our arrangement."
Shannon sniffed as she tried to fight back tears. "That's a load of rubbish!" she fired back, holding her nerve. "You're a coward, Sirius Black. You make me sick." Spinning on her heel, she bolted up the stairs to the girls dormitories, a single loud sob ringing out before the assembled mass of students heard a door slam.
A half hour later, Sirius finally made his way down to join James and Katie in the Great Hall. Katie lifted her eyes briefly from her oatmeal to look back and forth between the two best friends. Noticing James had his mouth shut more tightly than usual and that Sirius's face was scrunched just the same she remained silent and went back to eating. After enduring five minutes of pure silence however, the atmosphere was beginning to become unbearable. Looking between the two Marauders he noticed that they seemed to be exchanging some sort of information through hard stares.
"James, could you pass a muffin?" she asked suddenly. Receiving no response, she prodded him playfully.
"Sorry, what?" James asked, turning to give Katie his full attention, at least for the moment.
"I just wondered if I might get a muffin. You're kind of hoarding them…"
"Oh…right. What kind?"
"Blueberry sounds nice. Could you pass the butter as well?"
"Sure, sure," he said quickly, handing both items over at once before turning back to Sirius.
Katie rolled her eyes and decided to change tactics. "Sirius, you seem to be in a...dark…mood."
"Yes, well," Sirius muttered, shaking his head as he continued to scowl, "didn't have the most pleasant morning."
Katie was pleased to see that James looked a bit freer following her broaching of the subject.
"Bad as we heard then mate?" he asked gingerly.
"Bloody nightmare," Sirius answered darkly. "Made me out to be some sort of unscrupulous bloke. Like I took advantage or something. You know me, Prongs. I'm always perfectly clear about things."
"Course, Padfoot…" James started.
Sirius glared as his best friend let his thought trail off in hesitation. "Something more to say?"
James raised his hands as if to surrender. "Nothing in particular…it's just that, well, you've been rather lucky up until now don't you think?"
"Lucky?"
"Yeah, mate. I mean we are talking about witches here."
Katie jabbed her boyfriend in the side, watching him wince.
"No offense, Katie…you know it's just that–"
"Why don't you just move on to your next thought…" Katie interrupted faking a sweet smile while her eyes shot James a withering glare. "Perhaps it will be a bit…smarter?"
"I guess what I'm trying to say is…most people just aren't made to go on without any commitment forever."
Katie relaxed, pleased at her boyfriend's more eloquent revision.
"So you're agreeing with them?" Sirius growled back in surprise.
James shook his still-raised hands, trying to draw attention to them. "Of course not. I mean, not that you're unscrupulous–"
"What am I exactly then?"
"Look, I'm just saying maybe you could give it a try," he continued, lowering his voice to a whisper. "You know…letting a girl in."
Sirius harrumphed. "No thanks, Prongs. You might be happy shackling yourself down–"
"Excuse me?" Katie said loudly.
"Come on, Padfoot," James said disapprovingly. "Don't bring Katie into this."
"Don't bring me into it?" Katie said in disbelief. "That's clearly bringing us into it, James."
Suddenly, James felt as if he was under fire from all sides. "Right. Of course. I mean obviously I don't feel that way about you…"
"That's what wrong with you, Prongs. You just don't see it. How many pranks have you pulled this year?"
"As many as you," James fired back immediately.
"And about a third as many as years past," Sirius said bitterly. "If you weren't so fixed on not upsetting Wallenby here–"
Before Katie could speak, James was out of his seat and standing. "Back off, Sirius!" As he felt eyes turning toward him, he lowered his voice to a violent hiss. "Katie signed off on the bloody Christmas prank right in front of you. You're just making an arse of yourself."
"At least I'm not living like someone I'm not every day," Sirius snapped. He threw his head back and laughed bitterly. "You know, I expected this from those idiots in the common room, Prongs. Most of them have been wrapped around their girls' little fingers since day one…but my best mate? I thought you'd be better than that."
James took a deep breath and shook his head sadly as he exhaled. "You know what? I'm going to let this go. You're not yourself."
Sirius scoffed.
"You're not," he repeated firmly. "We've talked about this. When you actually want to deal with it…find me. 'Til then, don't make your issues about me and my relationship. Come on, Katie. Let's go."
As the couple walked out of the Great Hall side-by-side, Sirius laid his forehead to rest on the edge of the table, kicking himself for letting his bitterness and sharp tongue get the better of him. Since they had first become friends, it was his first serious fight with James. The lack of experience and added fact that he had royally infuriated James's girlfriend left him with little idea of where to even begin fixing things. Sighing, he thought of Remus. Perhaps their wisest friend would have some insight. Sirius came to the painful realization that until then, on what was supposed to be a happy, lazy Sunday he was completely alone.
Lily, Alana, and Marlene milled around the courtyard that afternoon. Lily found her mind wandering to her upcoming duel with Potter at the end of next week when she was determined to beat him. Though Osorio had only dnudged her to research, doing so had become something of an obsession until she found what she was looking for. Doubling or tripling her off wasn't going to work so easily this time and she hoped that the fact her conversation with the professor had taken place after Potter left, he wouldn't be expecting her to strike with the same intensity. Maybe she could lay him on his back quickly. That'd shut him up.
"Somebody's quiet," Alana said, poking Lily in the shoulder.
"Oh. What? Yeah, that sounds good."
Marlene laughed. "Alana jumping in the Great Lake sounds good?"
"No. Why would she jump in the lake?"
"You have no idea what we're talking about, do you?"
Lily bit her lip. "…no. My mind was wandering."
"To?" Alana asked.
"Just Potter," she grumbled.
Marlene raised an eyebrow. "You were getting lost in thoughts about Potter?"
"Not about him. There's duels coming up next week in Defense and I just want to blast him into a wall."
"Angry much?" asked Alana.
"He beat me last time. Strategy, spellwork, all of it. And then I embarrassed myself which you both know. I have to win."
"Somebody better warn him…" said Marlene. "Maybe if he just surrenders you won't slash his neck."
Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not literally going to cut him. Just cut him down to size. He's even more full of himself about dueling than he is about quidditch."
"Hmm. I thought with the apology and the whole beating back the creeps attacking the firsties you'd be at least a little less aggressive."
"Yeah," said Alana, "plus, somebody said you took it easy on him the other night…"
"What? I took ten points. He was out after curfew."
Marlene smirked. "Word in the halls is he wasn't the only one."
"That prick. I'll kill him."
"So it's true then? You let him take the points for Katie so they could keep dating? Softie."
"I'm going to kill him, Marlene. I might actually slit his throat on Friday. If I can wait."
Alana shrugged. "If it makes you feel better neither of them started the rumor."
"Then who the hell else was around to do it?"
"Some Hufflepuff girl who was out on a dare. I don't know her name. She's probably still too new to get that telling one person is telling the whole school."
Lily shook her head, one hand rubbing her brows. "Can we talk about something else?"
The two other girls both laughed. "Fine," Alana said, "how about Benji Bamford?"
"Benji Bamford?"
"Alana's been dying to tell you she heard him talking about you today and how – interested – he is," Marlene winked.
She loved her friends, but God they could be exasperating. "I told you. I don't need a boyfriend, much less want one."
"He doesn't have to be your boyfriend. From what I understand the conversation was more descriptive."
Alana gulped.
Marlene froze.
"That's – hey – come back!" Alana called out as Lily stomped toward the door, her face as red as her hair.
Marlene held Alana back as she moved to follow. "Give her a bit." Alana looked back, questioning. "Seriously. Give her a bit."
A few hours later, the two girls made their way back to the dormitory where they found Lily staring out the window. After hearing the door click, she turned around. "Why the fuck would you say that to me?"
"I messed up," Alana said, staring at her feet as Marlene pushed her forward. "I'm really sorry, Lily."
As Alana sat down on her bed, Marlene stayed in the center of the room between them. "You don't have to stand in the middle you know," Lily said, "I'm not going to hex her."
Marlene took a deep breath. "That's not why I'm in the middle." She could feel the heat coming off Lily in waves. "We need to – you need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about," Lily snapped. "It happened. It's done. It was years ago."
Alana slid forward, trying to creep toward the bathroom. "Don't go anywhere," Marlene said, "we're best friends and you should be part of this conversation."
"There's not going to be a conversation," Lily said as she stood up again. This time, Marlene moved between her and the door. "Get out of my way, Marlene." Lily made to move around the other side, but was blocked again. "Move."
"No. You need to stop, Lily. How long are you going to chain yourself to this?"
"I'm not chaining myself to–"
"You are and you know it. This whole business with Lionel? It's bullshit. And it's because of Ian."
Lily's nostrils flared as she fumed. "Ian isn't why I'm not going with Lionel."
"That may be. But he's the reason you did something so fucked up to Lionel, whether you were actually ever interested or not."
Alana peered around Marlene. "Lily…don't you…don't you want to talk about it? If it's still hurting you…"
"I know exactly what happened. I was there. I'm not hurting about it. It happens to people all the time and they move on with their lives. Just like I have. It's honestly ridiculous that the two of you think it still bothers me."
Marlene laughed sardonically. "What's ridiculous is how hard you're still trying to pretend it only took a week to get over. It's us, Lily. You've never had to pretend to be 'The Great Lily Evans' here."
"The Great Lily Evans? What the fuck is that?"
"It's you. And the way you pretend to be perfect. I…" Marlene looked back at Alana for a moment "…we love you. You're smart and kind and beautiful. But newsflash Lily: you're not perfect. And that's okay."
"I don't try to be perfect. I'm not one of those girls who floats around daintily looking impeccably made-up every day."
"That's not the point. Stop acting. You've never pulled that shit here and you're sure as hell not going to start now."
"Is this about dating? Because I'm–"
"No, it's not about dating. I could give a fuck whether you date or shag or whatever you want with Lionel or Benji or whoever the fuck you want. It's about the fact that you do just enough to fake it without letting anybody else besides us in. Let them think you're flawless if that's what you really want. Keep pretending that nothing ever gets to you. But you don't get to do that with your best friends."
"Yeah," Alana added, "you're goofy and fun and adorably clueless sometimes too. But stuff still bothers you. But you're afraid that other people will find out and that sucks. You're scared somebody else is going to hurt you like Ian."
"He never respected who I was. What I wanted. That I…"
Marlene and Alana sat down beside her. "That you weren't ready. And that you told him and he–"
"Cheated? Let me catch him fucking another girl because I told him I wasn't going to? Let her talk to me like she did while I stood there frozen? I was fifteen. And I'd never let anybody else see me…this me…like you two have. Not even Severus." Lily stopped and sniffed before looking up. "I'm not crying," she said holding her head high even as her emerald eyes shone on the verge of it.
"What he did was really screwed up, Lily," said Alana softly. "You were strong. He tried to take advantage of you, but you didn't let him. The fact that he chose somebody who was willing to do whatever he wanted doesn't change the fact that you were right. Whether you want to date or whatever, Marlene's right."
"People would just think I'm a fake."
"Because you let your hair down every now and then?" Marlene asked. "I don't think so."
"And the whole Lionel thing? I don't know if you liked him or not, but if you did…you know there are guys out there who aren't going to screw around on you just because you set boundaries."
"Just because you tell them what you want or don't want and demand they respect that," Marlene added.
Lily nodded, hugging her friends to her. "I'm not going to start a pillow fight," she said, looking to Marlene. "And I still don't want a boyfriend," she said to Alana. "But I'll try not to be so perfect all the time."
Marlene laughed. "I should've known that would go to your head."
A/N: This chapter was pretty transparently going to involve some fights, all of which wind up centering around personal choices that lie at the core of who characters are or were. Some are obviously tamer than others depending on the characters' natures and the nature of the spat, but all were geared to advance those aspects of the characters that are addressed.
As always, thanks for reading! If you're enjoying the story, please leave a like if you haven't already and review below!