Hello everyone.
I took a break because school and because I didn't know how to handle a few events in the story.
Enjoy
Izuku entered his class, he still couldn't believe it: he was in 1 frickin' A!
"Nerd move your ass, I need to get in." said Katsumi, Izuku quickly sidestepped, letting the girl him with a little courtesy bow.
The inside of the class was the usual eccentric mess, people laughing, screaming, talking and Iida trying to calm everyone down while chopping the air; Izuku couldn't help it, his body moved on its own, positioning him behind Iida and copying everything he did; the class calmed down for a moment, all eyes on Iida, or better, all eyes on who was behind Iida.
The blue haired teen seemed satisfied with the silence he managed to create, sadly said silence got interrupted by everyone's laughter; the poor teen couldn't understand why, he was quite shocked, as much as needed for his glasses to nearly fall on the floor.
Iida turned around, searching for what could've stimulated that fit of laughter, and he saw nothing: while he was turning Izuku was staying behind his back.
The blue haired teen resigned himself to his fate and turned around once again, facing the class.
THUMP
Was the sound Iida's body made when it hit the ground, passed out, the falling body let two figures to be seen: Izuku, with a rose in his mouth, was holding Aoyama in a casquè, the blonde looked at the corpse on the floor and said "C'est terrible! Cherie go help him."
Katsumi scoffed, she didn't like getting called cherie, what was that supposed to fucking mean? Sure, she was a bit of a tomboy but that didn't give the gay french-wannabe the right to flirt with her, or maybe the guy wasn't flirting, he was just narcissistic to the utmost limits of a human, which was way more probable, she thought while dragging Iida's unconscious body to the infirmary. Dragging? Yes, she grabbed his feet and she pulled him along, cleaning UA's floors.
Iida woke up from his slumber when he was getting dragged down the first flight of stairs.
"Ouch! Hey, what are you doing? I hereby ask you stop dragging me like a corpse!"
Katsumi's tone was sarcastic at best when she spoke "Oh my god! The corpse spoke! I am so fucking scared… let's go back to class ssa."
"Ok… could you please be less vulg… wait, ssa?"
"Stick stuck (in) ass."
"You know what, I give up, do what you want." said Iida, in a defeated manner, Katsumi just grinned smugly, proud of her victory.
Meanwhile, in the class, lesson had started.
"Today we're going to…" said Aizawa, the class was sweating cold, they didn't want to get expelled, they didn't want any massacrating training, they wanted just plain old school.
"choose your class president and vice-president."
The class sighed in relief.
"We can do it the smart way, with an election, but they don't pay me enough, or the fast way, fate will decide that the class president and vice-president will be…"
BOOM
Katsumi slammed the door open shouting "Me and Iida, are back."
Aizawa looked upwards, in quite the mystical way, before saying "Fate has decided, Bakugou is the class president and Iida is the vice-president."
He hadn't even finished that sentence that he was already on the floor in his sleeping bag, he managed to mutter "Self-study for the rest of the morning." before falling asleep.
A huge "WTF" could be seen on the faces of the students, but they were too shocked by the speed at which everything had happened so they couldn't say anything, they just stood there, processing what had happened.
Lunchtime finally came for the shocked class.
Katsumi and Izuku were starting to eat when Iida and Uraraka joined them, quickly followed by Kirishima and Ahsido, who had Todoroki following her, so he joined too.
"So, can one of you two lovebirds tell me why the HELL YOU TWO AREN'T A COUPLE YET?" said Mina, visibly upset.
Both Izuku and Katsumi blushed, they were so embarrassed that they could only manage to answer with quite the mess, it sounded like "Well, I...I mean...like...becoming a hero...known for so long...!"
Mina was amused, she had known from the moment she saw the green haired boy and the blonde girl enter the class that something was going on between the two, but her newfound friendship with the heterochromatic haired teen had distracted the self-proclaimed "guru of love" from trying to let her ship sail.
Said teen was watching the scene silently, he had an amused look on his face, he felt like he needed to say something but he couldn't manage to open his mouth; Mina saw the teen's struggles and she decided to act
"Anyways, I noticed that we don't know each other that well, do we play the twenty in twenty game?"
"The what?" asked Uraraka, earning a thought of "Another socially awkward cutie…" from Mina, who responded "I will ask you twenty questions and you will have to answer in twenty seconds. Shoto do you want to start?"
"Okay, I guess." he said, rather softly.
Mina opened her mouth and
DON DON RAAAAAA DON DON RAAAAA
Was the sound the speakers emitted, most of the students didn't know what that meant so they panicked, rushing for the exit of the cafeteria, running over chairs and tables.
Luckily a blue haired teen and our explosive girl had read the informative file and they knew what that alarm meant
"Ssa, launch me in the air!" shouted Katsumi, Iida was confused but he followed her lead, firmly believing in his class president.
Katsumi got thrown into the air, she was above most students' heads when she made and explosion from each of her hands and feet, shooting upwards and catching everybody's attention, Izuku noticed what wa happening, so he made a platform for Katsumi to stand on.
"YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORONS, STOP BEING SPINELESS FUCKING MAGGOTS AND READ THE PAMPHLET! IT'S THE SIGNAL FOR THE PRESS BREAKING IN, NOT VILLAINS! ARE YOU SCARED SHITLESS OF BEING INTERVIEWED WHEN TRAINING TO BECOME HEROES? YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO THIS SCHOOL!" she screamed, an unidentified teen shily shot back at her "Well, I, in truth, am in general education so…"
Katsumi got pissed "YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, SHUT UP AND GO EAT YOUR LUNCH AFTER YOU SEATED YOUR SORRY ASS!" said student obeyed, embarrassed and overwhelmed by the girl.
As the crowd dissipated Izuku slowly moved the platform on which Katsumi was standing closer to the ground, when she finally stepped on the floor she sat down and started devouring her lunch, she knew she didn't have too much time to eat so she didn't want to leave with an empty stomach.
DRIIIIIIIN
The bell rang, lunchtime was over and Katsumi was pissed.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT…" she shouted, but those vulgar expressions got lost in the distance as Izuku dragged the girl back to class by pulling the chair on which she was sitting.
Katsumi didn't notice so she continued eating and screaming while she was being brought to class.
Once the whole class got seated Aizawa spoke " Go take your tracksuits or hero costumes, we're going to do rescue training at USJ."
"How much time do we have?" asked Iida
"Less than before you asked, meet me at the main gate as fast as possible." retorted the teacher.
Class 1 A rushed into the corridor, a herd running towards the locker rooms, it wasn't an unusual sight at UA as all the teacher's had a protocol to follow for "The Rush of Aizawa's Class" which included just one point: make space, you don't want to be caught in the herd.
When the heroes in training got to the main gate they saw a resigned Aizawa talking with an apologetic Present Mic "Mind telling me why you decided to blow up the wheels of the bus Hizashi?" said the tired-looking man
"I saw a scary thing…" whined the blonde, Aizawa facepalmed, he was not awake enough to deal with what was happening
"Which hellish creature was it this time?" he said, as sarcastic as his tiredness allowed him to be
"I'm glad you understand me Shota" said Mic, clearly missing the sarcasm "it was one of those horrible six-legged monsters…"
"An ant?"
"No."
"A bee or wasp?"
"No."
"What was it? for the love of God, tell me."
"A fly…."
"Please, tell me again, I didn't quite catch what you said BECAUSE YOU HAVE DESTROYED MY EARS WITH ALL THESE YEARS OF SCREAMING!"
Now, Mic was shocked, it was a rare thing for Eraserhead to scream, so the cockatoo stood there, still, in black and white, the students were looking at their teacher, confused, they didn't know how they were going to get to the USJ, until Katsumi spoke "The nerd can mime a bus and drive us there."
All eyes went to Izuku who, dressed in his costume, pushed a button in his belt and a track started playing from the speakers attached to it, a joyful song was the background for the pre-recorded message "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to today's performance."
With that he moved his hands and he started floating in the air, seated; he motioned for his classmates to enter the invisible bus and they, cautiously, followed the instructions.
Once they were all seated Aizawa moved next to Izuku and he started to tell the mime the road.
In the back of the bass the teens were to intrigued by the road, moving under them like the seabed under a panoramic boat.
Izuku simply drove following Aizawa's directions, the teen wondered if his teacher would have liked to be a navigator for a rally sometime in the future but he couldn't ask.
The bus arrived in front of the USJ, they were nearly on time, NEARLY, Aizawa was ready to get down but he hit an invisible look, he shot a puzzled look to hi green haired student who didn't even look at him, instead he was looking behind, parking the bus.
As it turned out, someone without a driving license isn't exactly good at parking, so a few minutes passed before Katsumi lost it "NERD. Just stop using your FUCKING QUIRK!" she shouted at Izuku, who looked at her the way someone would look at Buddha explaining how to obtain enlightenment.
Izuku stopped using his quirk and everyone except him, Katsumi, Aizawa and Asui landed with their butt on the ground; Thirteen looked at the scene, rather amused.
Said new-age Michelin man guided the class inside the huge dome saying "I am going to give you all a small brief once we get inside."
The inside was unlike anything the students had ever seen, everything was just so real, even the people near the mist-like man, the first to notice them was Kirishima "That's so cool, there are even fake vil…" but he was interrupted by a man with light blue hair and hands all over his body
"Fake villains my ass young man. Does it seem professional to you? Does it seem a normal thing for aspiring heroes to be twenty minutes late huh? Do you know how hard we worked to prepare everything? I had to decay that huge-ass gate of yours once centimetre after the other with the press g********ng me! All the scenic effect that my dramatic entrance should have produced has gone down the drain! What are you going to do?"
The heroes were confused, this villain seemed to have some screws loose, but who were they to judge?
Izuku pressed a button on his belt and an old song from the XXI century played
"Fuck this shit I'm ouuut."
"No, you aren't!" screamed the villain "And how do you plan to escape? The door is closed!"
Izuku smirked, he motioned for the others to get near him and he lifted everyone in a sphere, he then pushed another button and "I came in like a wreeeeeecking baaaal!"
BAAAAAM
Was the sound the sphere made when it crashed through the dome, leaving a big, circular, hole.
Shigaraki lost it, he couldn't believe it!
"Are you fucking kidding me? How am I supposed to make a living out of what I do if things go this way? Be a villain they said, you will subvert society they said."
He grabbed the hand on his face and he threw it on the floor, screaming curses,but the only thing that hit the floor was cinder, as he had grabbed the hand with all five of his fingers.
"COOOME OOON. I HAVE DECAYED FATHER NOW. FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, I'M OPENING A BAKERY!"
At the same time Tsukauchi was walking out of the parking lot of UA, he had just parked his new car and he was going to meet Nezu for something regarding the sports festival.
He heard a whistling sound getting nearer and nearer until
CRAAASH
Tsukauchi's car was no more, in its place stood Izuku, waving at him while smiling, and the rest of the class, scared for their life; Tsukauchi looked at Aizawa who just looked back in a way that screamed "It's better if you don't ask."
The end of the chapter.
Tell me how this version of the USJ feels, staying too close to canon was too serious for the "parody" that this story is and at the fourth time I wrote this I found an inspiration, so here it is.
See you next time