Chapter 42

A/N #1: This chapter is for my dear Timeless friend and fellow author, Major Sam, who (flatteringly) tore through the first 41 chapters of this story and is waiting (im)patiently for an update...

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

Wyatt was alone in the darkened bedroom when he woke. Yawning, he stretched lazily before sitting up in bed and reaching for his phone lying on the small table beside him. Blinking sleepily at the screen, he was a little surprised to see it was nearly 6:00 p.m. Must have been more wiped out than I realized. Absently tapping the device's text icon, he noticed a fairly long message from Julie:

Hey, just checking in to see how the patients are doing and hoping they got to go home today. I bet you had a pretty rough night, what with little man needing to be woke up every 2 hours. You must've been so scared–I know I would've been terrified if something like this happened to Annie or Sadie :/ Can't imagine how tough it'd be for them to get back in a car after a bad accident like that, especially for Lucy. To be honest, when Dave told me your plans to go to the cemetery, I was a little surprised since I didn't think you had ever gone before, but you sure picked a good time. I mean, think about it. It was kinda a miracle you weren't with Lucy and Jamie yesterday morning because she most likely would've been sitting on the passenger side of your Jeep when that jerk ran the red light. Makes me shudder just thinking about it. So I guess everything happens for a reason, right? Anyway, just wanted to say if you guys need anything to let us know. We'll talk soon. Love ya, Wy :)

Frowning at his friend's text, Wyatt's grip on the phone tightened compulsively. With everything that had happened in the past couple days, he really hadn't given it much thought, but Julie had a valid-if upsetting-point. If he hadn't made the decision earlier in the week to go to the cemetery yesterday morning, Lucy's injuries could've been so much worse because Wyatt most likely would have been the one driving. He might've even lost her the same way he lost Jess...

Shivering at the unexpected chill running down his spine, he mentally scolded himself for even going there. Lucy was going to be fine. As his Grandma Betsy used to say when he was a child, "No need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today." Sure, Wyatt's head understood this, but his heart was still a little shaky at how close he'd come to losing her. Still deeply regretting their argument and the unresolved way things had ended between them before they went to sleep earlier, he was suddenly seized by an intense need to see Lucy, to hold her in his arms and finish sharing everything in his heart.

Climbing out of bed, he grabbed a long-sleeved tee shirt and sweat pants from the dresser and made a quick stop in the bathroom. Peering in the mirror, Wyatt scrubbed his hands over his scruffy, drawn face and grimaced. Despite sleeping away the afternoon, he still looked (and definitely felt) pretty rough around the edges, but it couldn't be helped. Once he pulled on the clothes, Wyatt splashed some water on his face and hastily brushed his teeth before going to check on Jamie, but his twin bed was empty, covers thrown haphazardly on the floor. Someone must've been in a hurry to get out of bed, he mused, hoping that was a good sign.

When Wyatt got to the bottom of the steps, he could hear his son's high-pitched voice coming from the kitchen, followed by Lucy's softer tones. Considering how little any of them had eaten in the past couple days, it was a solid guess she and Jamie must have been starving when they woke. He bit back a rueful smile when his own stomach growled hopefully. Come to think of it, he was feeling pretty empty, too. Just outside the doorway, Wyatt stopped to peek inside the kitchen, his heart lifting at the cozy domestic scene before him.

Comfortably dressed in one of his old Texas Longhorn hoodies over a pair of worn black leggings with thick fuzzy socks, Lucy was standing in front of the toaster, apparently in the process of opening a box of frozen waffles. Perched in his favorite spot on the counter top beside her was a clearly wide-awake Jamie, grinning and talking about 90 miles an hour as usual, little hands gesturing wildly. Wyatt immediately felt himself relax at the sheer normalcy of it all. If it weren't for the bandaids on Lucy and Jamie's faces and the sling she was wearing, it might've been just another Sunday evening in the Logan home since his son's kindergarten teacher came into their lives...and that's when Wyatt felt the first stirrings of hope in his heart the two of them were gonna be able to work through this latest dust up.

The five-year-old's face lit up when he finally caught sight of his father. "Daddy! You woke up! You have a good nap? I did and Miss Lucy did, too, 'cause she told me. Guess what, Daddy? My tummy is really hungry so she's making me waffles and a banana and chocolate milk...you hungry, too, Daddy?" he paused to take a breath, all the while watching his father expectantly. It didn't escape Wyatt's keen notice the way Lucy's narrow shoulders stiffened almost imperceptibly when Jamie called out to him, although she didn't turn around. Yeah, it was way past time to start fixing things between them, Wyatt's heart advised, scooping the boy off the counter for a careful hug.

"Hey, there, little man, you doing okay? Does your head hurt or anything?" Relieved when Jamie answered no, he said, "Good to hear, buddy. How about we give Miss Lucy a chance to finish your waffles and get some Sponge Bob going for you to watch while you eat-would that be okay?" He got a little emotional when Jamie nodded and trustingly laid his head on Wyatt's shoulder with a happy sigh. Thank God his child was going to be just fine, too.

Once Jamie was settled in front of his favorite DVD to wait as patiently as he could for his supper, Wyatt returned to the kitchen where Lucy was still standing at the counter top, seemingly quite interested in watching the toaster do its thing. Better start with the basics, he decided. Coming up behind her and deliberately wrapping his arms around her tiny waist, he murmured in a husky voice against her ear, "Lucy, I'm sorry." Her hands stilled and she trembled slightly before slowly turning around to face him, a troubled expression on her still much too pale face.

Taking a shallow breath, Lucy stared at him mutely for a few seconds before whispering, "I'm sorry, too, Wyatt." Pulling her even closer, he was relieved when she gradually relaxed against his chest, rubbing her cheek against him like a small kitten. Pressing a kiss on the top of her head, Wyatt inhaled the sweet fragrance of her freshly washed hair. Holding Lucy securely for a long moment, he closed his eyes to savor how right she always felt in his arms.

"Sweetheart, I need to tell you..." he began, only to be interrupted by Jamie's Eggo popping up in the toaster behind them. "Stupid waffle," he complained, exhaling impatiently. Dammit, he was trying to make an apology here...

Wyatt tried to keep his expression blank, but couldn't help smirking, though, when his girlfriend leaned back in his arms and asked rather innocently, "Uh, Leggo my Eggo?" before giving him a mischievous grin. His heart filled with relief. There she was-the sweet, funny Lucy Preston he'd fallen in love with...In that light-hearted moment, Wyatt had a good feeling they were gonna be alright.

"Wow, you're cracking me up there, 'Miss' Lucy. I bet your kindergarten students think you're hilarious," he observed dryly, dropping his arms, and ignoring her cute little giggle, reached over her head for a plate in the cupboard. The two worked in companionable silence to finish fixing Jamie's meal. After Wyatt carried the food into the living room and got his son settled in front of his beloved Sponge Bob, he hurried back to the kitchen. Waiting for him at the table, Lucy looked much as she had when the three of them first came home from the hospital earlier today...except this time, instead of a tired frown, she wore a shy, inviting smile.

"Hey," she greeted him quietly, small hands twisting restlessly on the table in front of her. "So, um, are you hungry? I could put some more waffles in the toaster, or maybe we could order a pizza..." Lucy's hesitant voice trailed off nervously when Wyatt crouched down beside her and laid his hand on her thigh.

"In a minute," he promised, gently squeezing her leg. "You know as well as I do we have maybe a half hour, tops, before the kid's done eating, which isn't nearly long enough for everything I want and need to say, sweetheart, so I'll keep it short for now. I lost my temper and acted like an ass earlier and tramped all over your feelings and that just kills me. You were absolutely right, I did make you a solemn vow and I'm ashamed by how quickly I not only broke my promise but obviously shook your trust in me. And that crack about your insecurity when you were only trying to make me understand how you felt was so damn wrong. I'm truly sorry, Lucy...can you forgive me?" he pleaded, desperately willing himself to remain calm and accept whatever her response might be, even if it wasn't the one he wanted so badly.

Lucy's dark amber eyes widened at the intensity of his earnest apology. Searching Wyatt's face intently, she put her hand over his and answered, "Of course I can, but not unless you forgive me for somehow giving off the impression I doubted you or your feelings, because I absolutely do believe you love me, Wyatt. And if we're both going to be truthful with each other, I have a confession of my own to make." His brows drew together in a slight frown, uncertain where she was going with this.

At Wyatt's encouraging nod, she exhaled softly and continued, "This isn't easy for me to admit, but it troubles me how completely unaware I've been of my not kind feelings toward Jessica until you and I argued earlier today. I'm the one who should be ashamed at being jealous of a dead woman because in hindsight, it seems petty and small and I thought...hoped I was a better person than that." His heart twinged at the (in his opinion, unnecessary) self-reproach in Lucy's solemn voice.

Wyatt stood and tugged Lucy to her feet and kissed her tenderly. "Thank you, sweetheart, for being honest with me because that means more to me than I can say. For the record, though, while you always have a right to your feelings, Lucy, I don't consider what you hold in your heart to be jealousy of Jessica at all. As uncomfortable as it probably was for you to say-and me to hear–bottom line is you were absolutely right. I have struggled over the last five years to accept her senseless death, letting my sorrow and guilt keep me tied up in all these emotional knots-until I met you. You, Lucy Preston...a kind, smart, beautiful woman who freely offered me her love and asked for so little in return."

He paused for a deep breath, heartened not only by the way she appeared to be hanging on his every word but also the soft blush beginning to warm her cheeks. "I doubt there's a female alive who wouldn't feel a little resentful about the way I've sometimes been preoccupied or obsessed or whatever the hell you wanna call it with my wife. But to my way of thinking, resentment is definitely not the same thing as being jealous-so please stop feeling like that, alright, because that's not who you are. You're the best person I know, so don't you forget it. And one last thing-I swear I will work hard to get better at dealing with my sad, guilty feelings, for you and our future together because I love you so much." To his dismay, her soft brown eyes began to well up at his heartfelt vow. "Aww, now, please don't start crying...you know I can't take it when you cry, sweetheart," Wyatt expressed with a rueful smile as he pulled her close for a careful hug.

"I'm not crying," Lucy denied with a tiny hiccup even as he drew back to gently wipe away a couple of telltale tears with his thumb. Such a stubborn little thing, his Lucy, Wyatt thought, shaking his head fondly. Hiding her face against his chest with a contented sigh, she admitted in a small voice, "I really hate it when we fight."

"Me, too," Wyatt echoed, gently rubbing her back. "Listen, this conversation we're having is definitely important, and it feels to me like we are working through some things that have needed to be said, but right now, I'm flat out starving and you must be, too, so why don't we talk some more after Jamie goes to bed. Is it okay with you if I go ahead and order us a pizza?" Before she could speak, Lucy's stomach growled indignantly, and he tried, but couldn't keep from laughing. "I'll take that as a yes vote," he teased, enjoying the reluctant sparkle in her eyes at his amusement.

"I suppose I am a little hungry," she grudgingly allowed, ignoring Wyatt's smug grin. Reaching up to caress his cheek, Lucy whispered, "And for the record, I love you, too, Wyatt, more than I ever dreamed was possible. No matter how angry we get or disagree with other, please don't ever forget how much I love you." His undeserving heart was filled with love and gratitude for this remarkable woman who forgave him so easily, even after he foolishly hurt her tender feelings.

Clearing his throat, he smiled and managed a gruff, "I promise, soldier's honor. Thank you, Ma'am," before politely ordering her to join Jamie in the living room while he cleaned up the kitchen. At her immediate protest, Wyatt shooed Lucy on her way with a gentle pat on her bottom, which earned him an adorable frown (totally worth it, though). Once her grumbling subsided and she cleared the doorway, he pulled his phone out and quickly placed an order for delivery from a nearby pizza place and got to work getting things squared away before the food arrived.

Sending Wyatt a warning frown over her good shoulder (for pride's sake), she nevertheless obediently left the kitchen as he 'requested.' Carefully situating herself on the sofa, Lucy decided her first call should be to Principal Christopher. The older woman was shocked to hear about the accident, and told her to take as much time as she needed to recover. They chatted for a few more minutes about various important matters, including Lucy's lesson plans for the rest of the month. The school administrator also approved her request to bring Jamie to school on Tuesday afternoon for a short visit so he wouldn't miss his Valentines Day class party while recuperating at home with her all week.

While she was on the phone, the little guy finished eating and curled up beside her on the sofa, resting his head in Lucy's lap while he continued to watch his Sponge Bob DVD. When she noticed his eyes growing heavy, she swiftly ended the call and began gently rubbing Jamie's small back as he gradually fell asleep. They'd been so fortunate their injuries hadn't more severe because Wyatt would have been devastated, Lucy reflected with a shiver, unaware he was standing in the doorway watching the two of them until she was startled by his quiet voice. "I didn't mean it earlier when I said you weren't Jamie's mother, Lucy. It's a piss poor excuse, but I think my fear and worry, on top of getting no sleep, were weighing me down something fierce, and I just cracked and lost my damn stupid temper. I hope you can forgive me for saying something hurtful like that."

Lucy managed a tentative smile, her heart aching at the underlying regret roughening Wyatt's voice. Dropping heavily into the recliner, he gazed at her intently before continuing, "I read your medical information and a copy of the police report while you were asleep last night. Both confirmed what I suspected...the reason you the driver dislocated your shoulder-your right shoulder–was because you were reaching into the back seat for Jamie. Whether you understood in that terrifying moment or not, what you felt was a mother's natural instinct, Lucy, plain and simple. And thankfully, because you do love my son as if he were your own, you probably saved his life or at the very least, kept him from getting hurt worse than a concussion. Not only that, the nurse told me how you took such good care of him in the hours before I got to the hospital, comforting a scared little boy who wanted his daddy."

Clearing his throat, Wyatt whispered, "That's something I will never forget and always be grateful to you for." Because Lucy knew how private and reserved her guy was, how difficult at times it was for him to talk about his feelings, everything about the sincere confession touched her heart deeply, and the tears began sliding down her face. "C'mon, now, sweetheart, no more tears, please...I can handle just about anything but that." Intent on consoling her, he stood and was reaching for Lucy when the doorbell rang abruptly. "To be continued," Wyatt assured her, kissing the top of her head before going to answer the door.

Swiping absently at her damp cheeks and staring after him in amazement, Lucy contemplated Wyatt's unexpected declaration that she possessed a mother's instinct when it came to his son. Really? Caught off guard like that, she wasn't entirely convinced, but nonetheless touched he thought so, although looking back, it certainly hadn't taken long to get attached to the motherless child-what woman wouldn't? Jamie Logan was a sweet, smart, adorable little boy...very much a younger version of his father, she thought wryly, but it was still nice of Wyatt to say, though. Carefully extricating herself from the sleeping five-year-old, Lucy clumsily covered him with a fleecy throw as best she could before joining Wyatt in the kitchen.

The next hour flew by as they devoured the filling pizza and breadsticks and discussed arrangements for the week. Before they left the hospital this morning, Wyatt had already taken care of texting Kelly in the C.O.'s office to request Monday and Tuesday off, while leaving open the possibility of the whole week, depending on how well Lucy and Jamie would be able to get along on their own when he returned to Pendleton.

After responding to a text from Julie and making a quick call to Rufus–who was as concerned as their boss-Lucy was scrolling through her phone and making a mental note to call her sister tomorrow after Amy returned from her weekend trip when she thought of something rather distressing. "Wyatt?" she asked hesitantly while he was gathering up their dishes and stacking them in the sink. "It just occurred to me if you'd been driving yesterday to the birthday party, I would've been sitting in the front passenger seat when that truck ran the red light. The direct impact would've...I could've...Wyatt, I could have been hurt a lot worse than a dislocated shoulder." Lucy trembled and immediately felt sick to her stomach as the frightening implication sunk in. She might have been killed yesterday if Wyatt had been with them...

Instantly, Wyatt stopped what he was doing and sat down beside her, reassuringly take her hand in his. "Lucy, hey, look at me, take a deep breath," he soothed, "Sure, the accident was scary and you got a little banged up, but you're are going to be fine, I promise, alright? And yes, actually, I have thought about it because Julie mentioned the same thing when she texted earlier, so yeah, it's true that if I hadn't gone to the cemetery, things might've played out differently. Here's the thing, though, sweetheart, while it was wrong of me to keep my plans from you, in the end, other than feeling bad I hurt your feelings, I'm okay with the rest of it because I couldn't live with the alternative. I'll never be sorry because I'm just so damn grateful I wasn't with you at the time of the accident..." His voice broke, and then she felt terrible for even mentioning it.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. You're right, I guess everything does happen for a reason. And please don't forget that I wasn't angry with you because you went to visit Jessica's grave yesterday, just upset you kept it from me...two very different things. You understand, right?" It was extremely important to Lucy that he did. She would never knowingly, willfully interfere with Wyatt's memories of the woman he loved and lost, the mother of his only child. After taking a moment to think about it, he nodded reluctantly. "I accepted your apology and we are moving on, alright? Now that we've agreed your trip to the cemetery turned out for the best, do you feel like talking about it?"

His dark blue eyes widened in surprise at Lucy's unexpected question. After everything she'd endured the last couple days, including a scary car accident and the emotional disappointment of Wyatt breaking her trust–Lucy was still thoughtful and caring enough to consider him and his needs. What the hell have I done in this life to deserve a special woman like her? Wyatt marveled. Before he could respond, however, Jamie wandered into the kitchen clutching his empty plate and cup in one hand and rubbing his eyes with the other. "Daddy? I ate my waffles and my banana and my chocolate milk is all gone. Can I have a drink of water, please?" he yawned. Wyatt grimaced mildly at the interruption. There were still one or two things he wanted to share with Lucy, but only when they would have some privacy.

He stood, and running his finger along the soft curve of her cheek, vowed in a low tone, "To be continued after this little guy's asleep, alright? In fact, considering it has been an exhausting, long-ass weekend all around, I think it would be a good idea if everyone turns in early-if that works for you. Maybe you could start getting Jamie ready for bed while I finish up here?" taking the dirty dishes from his son and putting them in the sink.

Aside from a curious glance, she agreed readily enough, getting to her feet and offering Jamie her left hand. "C'mon, sweetie, let's get your teeth brushed and get you all tucked into bed, and then I'll read a story, okay?" Wyatt smiled at the five-year-old's sleepy nod and the trusting way he clasped Lucy's hand. It had been made clear to him within weeks of his son meeting Lucy that Jamie had chosen her to be his new Mommy, and really, the only thing standing in the way of making the wish a reality since he and Lucy began dating was Wyatt's tangled feelings about Jessica. No more, he swore to himself. He'd been given a second chance at love and a happy future, and as the accident yesterday painfully remindedWyatt–life was too damn short to waste a single second.

Hurrying through the rest of the clean up, he checked the front door locks and turned off all the lights downstairs before making his way up the steps. Pausing just outside Jamie's room, Wyatt peeked in and smiled at the familiar sight of the five-year-old snuggled against Lucy's side while she read one of his favorite Berenstain Bears books. Now more than ever, he realized how incredibly lucky they'd been yesterday, how easy it was to take special little moments like this for granted. That might be why last night at the hospital, while sitting beside the bed and keeping watch over Lucy and Jamie while they rested, Wyatt had gotten an idea–a wonderful idea–he hoped to discuss with her soon (if not tonight).

Once she got to the last page and closed the book, Wyatt started to walk in but paused, standing unnoticed in the open doorway when he saw Jamie look up at Lucy and ask, "Miss Lucy? Was you scared when the big truck hit us? I got scared 'cause I hurted my head but didn't cry 'cause I wanted to be brave like you and Daddy. Was I a brave boy?" His son's worried question made Wyatt's heart ache.

He heard Lucy sniff quietly before she cleared her throat and managed, "Oh, yes, Jamie, you were very brave. Your Daddy and I are so proud of you." Wyatt's breath caught at the luminous smile Lucy gave Jamie before dusting a soft kiss on the top of his son's blond hair.

Evidently satisfied by her brief answer, Jamie threw his arms around Lucy's neck and mumbled sleepily, "Miss Lucy...I wish you was my Mommy 'cause I love you and want you to stay with me and Daddy forever." A little overcome with emotion, Wyatt took a couple of deep breaths to calm his racing heart before going to the side of Jamie's bed and helping Lucy to her feet with a smile. Might not be official, yet, son, but in all of our hearts, I think she already is, he thought, leaning over to kiss his drowsy son good night.

Reaching for Lucy's hand, Wyatt quietly urged her to go on to bed. "I'll stay with him until he falls asleep, sweetheart," satisfied when she nodded in agreement and kissing his cheek, left the room without protest. He sat on the side of the narrow bed for a little while longer, listening to Jamie's breathing relax and deepen as the child drifted off, content to just be with his precious son. While he realized there remained a few things yet to discuss with Lucy about their relationship (and future together), Wyatt found himself in no hurry to leave Jamie's side. After giving it some thought, he actually felt pretty optimistic they'd made some good progress already this evening, plus he knew Lucy desperately needed her rest in order to recover completely from the accident–something much more important to him at the moment. Anyway, he felt fairly sure they would have a chance to talk through the rest of it sometime during the next few days.

A short while later, lying in the dark with a peacefully sleeping Lucy nestled against him, Wyatt was just drifting off when he realized the very day he'd been dreading for weeks now–the five-year anniversary of his wife's death-had just about come and gone, completely forgotten by him in the midst of taking care of the two people he loved most in the world. Mentally holding his breath in anticipation of the usual wave of guilt and sorrow it seemed he always experienced on this particular day of the year, Wyatt was surprised and happy that all he felt right now was a calm serenity...along with a warm, strong love for the woman in his arms who held his heart in her small hands. Meeting Lucy Preston had changed him, changed his life, and given him a precious second chance at love. And deep down, Wyatt thought perhaps the Jessica Logan he knew and loved once upon a time would be perfectly fine with that...

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." - Corinthians 13:7

A/N #2: Gotta be honest, First Steps fans, when I started working on this 42nd chapter, I was planning for it to be the FINAL one. (I even started writing an epilogue.) Oops! Guess Wyatt and Lucy weren't quite ready for their story to be over yet since they still had a lot to say to each other. But that's okay! I'm a little torn anyway because part of me wants to finally get this beast of a story finished, while another (possibly bigger?) part will be truly sad to leave this AU universe I created behind. As always, my deepest appreciation to all of you for your favorites, follows, and wonderful reviews–especially those from guests like Shelly I'm unable to personally respond to. Your love and devotion to this story has been a continuous source of awe and joy for three years now, and I humbly thank you for that :))