Chapter Twenty-Two

R&R

I yanked some leggings on under my dress – at Cullens' insistence since he knew I had no small clothes on.

I saw a few people amble into the room – Oren, Greagoir, Irving, Wynne and a few other big names. I tied my hair back and Sten put his sword down against the wall.

Sten and I looked at each other, evaluating. I heard Greagoir whisper, "What are they doing?"

Cullen responded, "Daily sparring match."

Sten charged me and I deftly moved out of the way. I gripped his back and shoved him forward while my knee came up and hit him in the chest.

When he recovered and came after me again, arm out, I grabbed his arm and twisted, hitting him in the shoulder joint before kicking out at his leg.

At one point, he had me on my back and his fist was flying toward my face. I gripped the arm hard and twisted in a way that caused him to go sideways – so now I was on top.

When we were on our feet again, I managed to kick him in the face. I dived to grip his leg, throwing him off balance and putting him on the ground again.

This fight went on for a good half-hour before he slapped his hand on the mat twice – our submission signal. He had won 1 in every 10 or so fights with me, so he knew I was the better fighter by far. I stood and smiled, "Good fight, Kadan."

He looked at me in surprise but nodded, "Indeed."

Greagoir came up to me, "What moves were those?"

"The quick punches and jabs were mostly Karate, that throw when he came up behind me was Judo… mostly, though – it was Krav Maga. Sten is a superior warrior, so I have to mix my arts to take him down. I've started learning some Qun combat in return for teaching him a few things too. On that same note, Alistair has been teaching me Templar combat for Tai Chi – since he's not a Templar, it works out. Leliana is teaching me some bard techniques for some of my songs, Duran is teaching me Dwarven politics for Judo, Theron helps me with Archery in exchange for Wood-Working and Natia is teaching me Dwarven combat for reading lessons. We all teach each other some things. I'd like to talk to you about taking Wynne with me in my mission against this Blight."

He chuckled, "Wynne already spoke to me, Val – she's cleared. You have Alim and Solona, but Wynne… well, I couldn't say no to her."

I smiled, "And the treaties?"

"As promised, you will have both the mages and the Templars when that time comes. We could do no less for one of our own – and our savior."

I stretched, hearing my back pop in several places along with my shoulders and knees.

Greagoir flinched, "That… didn't sound good."

"Oh, it was divine. Nothing feels better than popping some air between the bones after a good fight. Anyway, I need another shower before I get something to eat."

"A question, if I may?" he asked.

I shrugged, "Go ahead."

"If I sent another Templar with you… would you teach them some better fighting?"

"Well… who, first of all?" I asked hesitantly. The others in the group all looked at each other.

"I was thinking Calder – why?"

I frowned, "Then I have to decline. Calder is a bit… over-enthusiastic about apostates. And you see, I will be running into a Grey Warden blood mage along this trip – and I can't have Calder killing him."

Greagoirs' eyes widened, "A… blood mage?"

"Yes – but as he is a Grey Warden, he is not in Templar jurisdiction. Calder would kill him without any questions despite finding him at a warden outpost. That could start a war with the Wardens as this mage is a little more important than the run of the mill acolyte."

Alim groaned, "And none of us are ranked enough to make that choice."

"Because I'm not a full warden and those of you who are, are too low on the command list." I confirmed.

Irving looked disgusted but Greagoir just said, "Well… what about Cullen?"

"He's being sent to Kirkwall sooner than the blight would end. You plan to send him in August, and this blight won't be over until about Guardian of next year."

Several people looked impressed, "So soon?" Irving asked in shock. I snorted, "With me in charge did you really think otherwise? I'll scold that dragon into submission and then let Alistair chop its head off. Boom; blight over," I smirked.

Sten snorted, but said, "With this odd group, I would say it is possible."

I nodded, "Even if we only had Alistair and one other Warden, it would be possible. I've seen it. It didn't matter which of you were the second Warden, the Darkspawn would lose."

"Are you saying that's because of Alistair?" Elissa asked in amusement.

I shook my head, "No – because each of you is uniquely capable. Alistair would have let any of you lead – you know that. Half of you would have recruited Sten, half of you would have picked up Leliana… only 3 of you would let the assassin we have to fight live… I think 2 of you would have allowed the drunken dwarf we will pick up to tag along… all but one of you would have recruited Gran… but it would have worked out no matter what."

Sten looked like he didn't believe that this would work with a smaller group but everyone else did.

After I got a second shower, we all headed up to the mess hall. Oren refused to leave Elissas' side and wanted to sit next to me as well – so he ended up between both his aunties. Cullen sat on my right and Oren on my left.

Cullen had a hard time letting me go at the moment – and I couldn't blame him. I was thankful that I'd taught him how to disassociate from pain; that was something I had learned in my first life. But still, torture would always leave scars – both physical and emotional. I leaned against him.

Alistair spoke from across the table, "So… ahem; what is out next move?"

I forced a vision – that was painful, but in this case necessary. I needed to know what went next.

I was clawing at my throat when I came out of it. "Gaias' Roots…" I was coughing. Cullen simply handed me a cup of water.

Sten looked at me, "What just happened?"

Alim spoke up, "She gets visions – you know that. The thing is though that she doesn't only see the visions. She lives them. If someone is poisoned, she tastes it; slit throat? She feels it and… point is big guy, she dies if someone dies in the vision. Her body lives, but she experiences the death."

Sten looked respectful, "To die many times is worthy."

I gave a wry look, "Yeah – our next stop is Redcliff. Don't ask me just now – I need… some time to process what I saw. Ugh that was… just no."

I heard Greagoir speak from the next table, "When will you be bringing Jowan in?"

"Takes us a month to get to Redcliff… two week boat ride from there to here… so 6 weeks, give or take a few days," I shrugged.

"Who did he poison?" Cullen asked.

"Apparently, the man he poisoned was Arl Eamon – however, Eamon is alive and will live a good while longer once I find something called the 'Urn of Sacred Ashes' – whatever that is."

Cullen gaped, "You're going to find Andrastes' sacred ashes?"

I shrugged, "If that's what's in the urn, then yes. And the Village where they are located is a… major Chantry point in 10 years. Sten, do not argue about going there – it plays into that Ben Hassrath vision I told you about."

He nodded, "It will feel like we are running until south becomes north, but I will take you at your word – I will not fight you for this."

I nodded firmly, "Thank you – Hissrad will be my contact when that time comes."

Stens eyes widened, "Indeed… this is good to know." there were only so many with that name, and somehow, he knew exactly which one I was speaking of.

I leaned against Cullen again with a muttered, "Love you…"

He chuckled deeply and kissed my head, "And I love you."

My eyes began to flutter closed. He snorted, "You haven't eaten yet…"

Solona giggled, "She doesn't need to – her elemental control can help her nourish without food. You haven't eaten in how long? Yet, it seems you are not starving – meaning she did that for you too."

Irving hissed a breath, "When did you learn this?"

I muttered, "Ostagar, I think."

Cullen sighed and stood while picking me up – I was so tired, I didn't even protest. Cullen spoke, "I will be taking her to bed – any other questions can wait until tomorrow."

Sten said, "Do I need to carry her?"

"No – I'm feeling much better now. She seems to have done more for me since we left the… the prison."

Sten nodded approvingly at the answer – he seemed to be warming to Cullen as a warrior. I smiled sleepily. Alistair looked amused when he noticed my smile. Once Cullen laid me on the bed I muttered, "Will you be okay in here? Do I need to… ahhhh; do I need to make that wall into a window?"

I had yawned in the middle of my sentence. He looked confused, "A window… why do you ask?"

I sat up, "You're jumpy – when we enter a space that's a little more closed off than others you look nervous. I think you may have developed a… dislike of enclosed spaces."

He sighed, "It's that obvious, is it? Well, I won't lie to you – ever – I do feel a bit of… fear, thinking about being in an enclosed room."

I waved my hand, causing the wall that faced out to shimmer and be replaced with a floor to ceiling window before flopping back on the bed.

Cullen chuckled, "You don't need to keep pushing yourself for me, love. It could have waited until you were better rested."

I smirked at him and said, "Then will you help me out of this dress or do I need to do it myself? I feel that clothes are restrictive when I'm sleeping in a building with no possible threats."

He snorted but helped me undress before crawling into bed with me. He tucked me tightly against his side and whispered, "This – having you here with me – is better at calming me than any window will ever be."

I fell asleep with a smile.

The next morning, I woke facing Cullens' chest. He was squeezing me tightly in his sleep and his breathing was harsh – he was having a nightmare. I pressed my lips softly to his, causing him to wake.

He looked at me with hazy eyes, "Please… promise you won't leave me for this?"

I knew he meant that he felt… broken since he'd been tortured. Even blocking things out one would still feel it later and the feeling of being powerless was not pleasant either. I snorted, "I couldn't leave you for anything, my love."

He relaxed and kissed my forehead. "How do you know the perfect thing to say every time?"

"Because it's all stuff I wanted to hear after my own ordeals. When… when Michael started… well, I allowed it for 5 years before I died. Do you think less of me for staying – for allowing that… that thing to kill my son and then… I didn't even fight back – I gave up."

He shook his head, "He threatened your son to keep you compliant – I would have allowed a lot more to be done to me to keep you or any of my family safe, Val. And… if I lost you like that – so suddenly… well, I may have exacted revenge but I don't think I would have been much more than a lifeless Genlock after. I'd do what I needed, but there would be no… no life to it."

"I could have killed him. I could have done it with my bare hands or the weapon I kept under my pillow or even the one I take with me to the shower in case of break ins. But I gave up…"

"People deal with grief differently. When they… well, no matter what they did, I 'disassociated' as you call it, but after – when they were done – I hated myself. I hated them – and I will admit to you that this experience has… colored my view of mages. My way of… dealing with that was to imagine all the ways I could kill them – and maker but I wanted to enact every sick way that crossed my thoughts. But I didn't fight them – because I knew that I was a means to an end for them – bait to catch you. I knew I had to be strong – for you if not myself. I knew if they broke me and I joined them that you would do anything to save me."

I nodded, "I would walk to the ends of time and space with you, Cullen. I would break the very fabric of reality and mend this broken world to save you."

He chuckled, "You say the most romantic things. My point is… no, I do not think less of you – I think more of you. You held your ground and allowed so much for so long. And should we ever be so blessed as to have a family of our own, I would rest assured that our child would be the most protected child in all of Thedas with you as their mother. You were strong enough to know that if you fought then things would have been worse. Something the Revered Mothers teach us in the schooling is… you can't save everyone – there will always be victims in every war, in every situation and in every circle. Some victims won't be readily apparent – and we will need to look for those signs. That sometimes… we won't see it until it's too late because some people don't want to be saved."

I took a shaky breath, "Like me… I didn't reach out to anyone. I didn't…"

"And that is not your fault – it's his. You survived as long as you could in a terrible situation."

I sighed, "There's… more to it."

"I won't press – you know that."

"I… I gave up because… he killed our son, so what would he do when he learned about…? I was pregnant again."

Cullen flinched, "Maker… you were trapped."

I nodded softly, "I was trapped."

He held me tightly, "I will never do what he did…"

"I know – that's part of why I love you. As I told Gran – you feel guilty giving me love-bites so how in the world are you going to hurt me?"

He flushed, "Maker, you have no shame."

"So I've been told – a hazard of growing up on earth and having it as my dominant life memory. That world was highly sexualized – advertisements on billboards for the workout area would show a half-naked woman. You would not have survived in that culture as you were my love."

"No, I believe you're correct in that…" he was bright red and likely imagining it. I sniggered and said, "I could draw you a picture…"

"Only if you're the woman on it…" he muttered as he kissed me. I wrinkled my nose, "I wasn't pretty enough to be on those billboards – I would need to draw someone with Leliana or Solonas' measurements in the waist and my own measurements in the chest for the right effect."

"But I don't care about them – I'd love to have a picture of you."

I flushed, "What… kind of picture? We could do a naughty photo or a nice one…"

He instantly looked interested, "If… if I said both?"

I materialized a camera and handed it to him, "Look through that little lens and tell me how you want me to position – and then you press this button and turn this dial like this."

He flushed but stood instantly to do as I said – I loved that he didn't question what this was. He went for a tasteful picture where everything was covered – if only barely – for the 'naughty' picture. I managed to convince him that turnabout was fair-play… I got a picture of him with only his bits covered. He had this whole sexy look that made me want to crawl back onto the bed too – I think his turned out nicer.

He then told me which braid style was his favorite on me.

It was like an elven crown – a braid from each temple that met at the back of my head to become one – and then I added two more braids on either side; a total of 6 braids that met at the back of my head and turned into one.

I asked him how he wanted me dressed.

He bit his lip, "You wear those… those tops that have no… back and only… a strap that hooks around the neck?"

I pulled out a black halter-top with a gold beading along the neckline, "Like this?"

He nodded. I put on tight leather pants and thigh-high boots with matching ¾ length gloves before doing my makeup.

I had him dressed in that suit I had thought about – the one with the jacket and the shoulder cloak thing from a Cullen fan site on Facebook… and oh Gaia it looked better in person. We took a picture together too.

I handed him a three photo locket where one would be hidden under another. He smiled and put it on. I had a two photo locket that Loghain had gifted me – and while I hated that he'd betrayed me, I still kind of loved him like a father figure. The choice to kill him would be harder if I didn't have Alistair as my champion.

I did add a third photo compartment so that I could put Cullens… er… 'Nude' picture in it while still being able to show off the other two without showing that one.

He smiled, "This is amazing – how is it possible?"

I giggled, "It's called a camera – once the pictures were taken I made miniatures using the film. That's what this is. So now you have full size photos and the locket ones. Cameras were an invention from my first life."

He held the locket, "I love it. Now… your birthday is in three weeks, so…"

"You… want to get me something?" I asked.

He nodded, "I really do…"

I flushed, "I… I already have you… and that's all I could ever ask for."

He chuckled, "I'm not much of a gift, you know."

I dissolved the camera and we headed out as the sun began rising – I had used artificial lights for the photos. I used the elements to 'knock' on the doors on the guest floor as we passed by.

Cullen looked confused as I headed into the kitchen, "What are you doing?"

"Chef was killed in Uldreds' attempted coup and according to the schedule; it's my turn to cook breakfast. I cook dinner tomorrow. We all have our turns… except Alistair and Elissa – those two would kill us before the darkspawn could with how they cook. I swear…"

He chuckled, "Let me help?"

I shrugged, "It'd be easier to cook if you did. Or I could make it a test of my elemental control… that sounds fun."

He looked thoughtful, "I'd like to cook with you…"

"Okay then – we're making breakfast lasagna – cook off five dozen eggs and I'll get the bacon and sausage."

He blinked, "That much?"

"Grey wardens eat a lot because of what makes them grey wardens; all that extra stamina and such has to come from somewhere, my love."

He shrugged, "I will take you at your word. Eggs… aha – here they are."

We cooked and talked about what we would do if Alistair said yes to us getting married – and what we would do if he said no.

"You said you'd be coming back by here after…"

"Yes, but I'd be in a hurry then. I don't quite know why – just that time will be an issue. If Alistair says no, then we will need to wait until I get to Kirkwall after the Blight. It's not an issue, my love – I would wait forever for a chance to be with you."

He chuckled, "I believe that is my line, Lady Vane."

I stuck my tongue out, "Are you so eager to be a prince, Cullen? Even if Alistair takes the throne, I'd be his heir until such a time as he had a child of his own. At that point, even if his line continues, we'd still be in line for the throne, you know. I was legally added to the Theirin Family by Cailan via his family book – all nobles have one. This one is Cousland, and this one is Theirin – I'm in both, see?"

He looked stunned, "That's why you were made an heir to the throne?"

I nodded and noticed the group coming into the Mess Hall. Just in time – breakfast was done cooking.

I started serving as Cullen sighed, "For you, I would weather any storm."

I flushed, "Now who's the romantic?"

Alistair, who had just gotten over to us, laughed, "Makers' Breath – you two really are a sweet couple."

Cullen gave him a cheeky smirk, "Does that mean you'll give us your blessing?"

Alistair looked him over – Cullen was still wearing the suit from the photo shoot, "A little hopeful there, aren't you?"

I giggled, "I made him wear that for this…" I handed Alistair my locket – opened to the slide with the single and the couples' photo.

Alistair looked surprised, "How… this looks like those pictures you took in Lothering – of Elissa and me."

I nodded and said, "A camera has film – like this. I used the film from the pictures to make the little photos for the locket. Cullen and I chose what each other were wearing today just for this reason – keepsakes."

Elissa chuckled, "He dressed you in that? That seems a bit… provocative."

I smirked, "This is actually my daily ware here at the tower – my least provocative form of dress if I'm in casual clothing. Cullen just… got used to seeing me like this. Greagoir stopped bitching about it about the time I proved I could put anyone on their ass without breaking a sweat. Besides – it's not as showy as an Antaam-saar, which is mostly rope and a breast cover and little else."

Sten looked at me, "You know of the Antaam-saar?"

I pulled one out of my bag while saying, "I could get you a Shokra-taar if you want one…"

He looked appraisingly at the Antaam-saar, "This is good quality. I would appreciate wearing a Shokra-taar again if you could get one."

I shoved the Antaam-saar into my bad and handed him the Shokra-taar – the heavy armor that an officer warrior would wear. The same thing the Arishok would wear.

He took it and looked over the leather with a critical eye before nodding, "This will do quite well. You have my thanks."

Cullen looked amused, "Would you wear a… the other one?"

I chuckled at his hesitation to butcher the words in front of a Qunari, "I wouldn't feel comfortable with my belly sticking out – you know I'm insecure about it – but… if you wanted, perhaps in private."

Alistair snorted and handed my locket back. He also handed me my blackmail picture of him and Elissa. I grinned, "Finished sketching that?"

He flushed, "I… yes."

Cullen glanced at it as we all sat at a table.

His eyes widened, "Maker… they must be like us to move so fast…"

Elissa looked confused, "What?"

"We… well, I told you how he's my soulmate – and how feelings develop quickly between destined partners. Cullen met me one day and I left the next. When I came back the following month, he and I shared a bed – after only knowing each other a month and with it mostly being through letters. We moved much faster than you two are going and yes, Cullen – they are soulmates."

Alistair flushed, "I… well, the circumstances of that picture were that… we… there weren't enough beds and Elissa… we had to take the floor…"

I chuckled, "Speaking of that – I told you I would never keep anything from you, Cullen. That bed situation… I was going to be sharing with someone so… I ended up sharing with one of our hosts. His name was Garrett Hawke and I'm pretty sure he was more gay than straight with how he kept eyeing Alim over there. Point is, I did share a bed with someone, but I didn't do anything with him."

Cullen looked stunned – so did Elissa. No one had expected me to tell him, it seems. Lona snorted, "He really was eyeing Alim – I've seen that look on Anders once or twice, too."

Cullen kissed my cheek, "Thank you for telling me. I admit, the thought makes me jealous, but I'm glad knowing rather than finding out later."

Alistair sighed, "Well… that makes the choice for me, right there. That you are both so understanding and open with one another… I guess… my answer is yes."

Cullen was lost for only a moment before Alistairs' meaning caught up with him. He smiled at me, "Well, I'm already dressed for the event."

I laughed and saw Greagoir, Irving and Mother Mallol entering the Mess Hall and waved them down. I looked at them and said, "Mallol, how do you feel about officiating a wedding today?"

Greagoir looked amused, "I take it this has something to do with how Cullen is dressed today?"

"Actually, no – but it doesn't hurt. I dressed him up like that for a picture – see?"

Greagoir chuckled, "Then who is getting married?"

"Oh, we are – Alistair gave his blessing as the head of my current family. Things just kind of… worked out that way."

Irving smiled softly at me, "How is Alistair the head of your family?"

"King Cailan adopted me. This is the Theirin family book… take a look at the last two entries."

Greagoir looked floored when he saw Alistairs' name and said, "No wonder you said his father is more powerful than Arl Eamon – and that Eamon would be in trouble for sending him to the Chantry."

Alistair gave me a side look, "What?"

"Oh – Eamon was supposed to raise you until you turned 18 then your father would have informed you of a few… things. You were to be given the choice of being in the succession."

"Explain that – please."

"Your mother wanted you raised away from the throne because she saw how much your father hated it – she made him promise. Once you'd had a chance to grow up 'normal', Maric intended to come back and ask what you wanted. He loved your mother dearly, after all. But he didn't know what Eamon had done – sending you to the Chantry. If Maric had been around, he would have claimed you when you turned 18, but he vanished when you were 15 so I had to step in and send Duncan for you. Duncan would have gone to you anyway – he'd been looking after you from afar the whole time in Marics' stead – but when a Seeker says jump about Templars, most people don't even bother asking how high, they just react."

Alistair was stunned, "He… he was going to claim me?"

"Eamon fucked up. You were supposed to be raised properly – instead, he made you sleep in the stables and tend the dogs and pigs. And when Isolde got bitchy, he sent you off – which turned out better for you since she was a foul, loathsome little bitch to you. She knew who your father was, but chose to pretend she didn't so that she'd have an excuse to bully you. Eamon let her, too. And when you ascend to the throne, he plans to play puppet master – don't tell him you plan to marry Elissa or he gets a bit petty. If you go visit the woman who is supposed to be your sister, Goldanna, then after the blight he sends three of her children to an Orlesian orphanage to hide them from you – even knowing how much family means to you. Let's not forget that the only reason he ever showed you any kindness was to cut you down later – making sure you knew that your birthright meant nothing, that you were no more than a bastard – yet when Maric came to Redcliff, I bet that Eamon had you prettied up, fed and sleeping in the castle."

Alistair flushed, "I… well… yes, he did…"

Cullen hissed a breath, "This is why you said you wanted to march to Redcliff and give Eamon a piece of your mind back in Solace?"

I nodded firmly, "I learned a lot about Maric when I would visit Denerim. I feel a strong connection to him – I would read his journals and go where he had walked just to see more visions of him during my week long visits once every few months. He loved Alistair – and he loved Alistairs' mother. Eamon knew that – Eamon knew that Rowan wasn't the woman in Marics' heart any longer and he resented it. He blames Alistair, because he doesn't know who the mother is. Alistair was only a babe – easy enough to abuse and manipulate. I greatly dislike Eamon and plan to withhold heaps of information from him once he's awake. Things like… me being an heir, Alistair and Elissas' relationship, and so much more. If we didn't need him and Alistair didn't still feel indebted to him, I would let him rot. As it stands, I know what abuse looks like – Alistair and me… we've both seen that song and dance too much."

Alistair stood, "I… I need…"

"Go to the Dojo and work on your forms, Alistair – you will feel better and clearer headed after." He nodded to me and walked off.

Elissa looked at me, "Was that… necessary?"

"You want to name your first kid after Alistairs' abuser and hand Eamon power over the throne?"

She sighed, "Okay – you win that one. I'm going after him."

"Take these – he's going to need them after a workout." I handed her three glass bottles of water. She nodded firmly and headed after him.