**Content warning: depictions of violence, torture, death, suicidal ideation and an attempt (see end notes if any of this worries you, I will give a summary)**

**Last time on WO: Ben and Luke navigate the temple and escape death, dismemberment and the dark side of the force. They find two keys and fear that the worst is yet to come.

They went around the corner and came to a set of doors. He looked at Luke in question.

Luke pondered for a minute. "I don't like the idea of splitting up, so we should go together."

Ben nodded and followed him to the door on the right. Ben didn't feel a pull to either one and he didn't know if Luke did or not. But it didn't feel like the wrong choice, so maybe that was something. They tried the keys but the second one that Ben held was the one that worked.

He stepped in and then it felt like his mind was exploding. He could see nothing but black. It felt like he was making a free fall, his stomach in his throat. Ben saw flashes of light, and in them he could hear voices, some were screaming in a muted way like he was underwater. In other flashes, he could see Rey and his family, all with looks of agony on their faces. Ben tried to stop the free fall because he was dangerously close to vomiting, he was on his back and couldn't change positions so he felt like that could lead to his death in this strange state. He vaguely remembered that Luke was supposed to be with him, and he listened for voices, but when he actively tried to listen, it was deadly quiet.

He remembered Luke testing them to see if they could understand and break out of a vision. He tried to summon the Force, but his hold on it felt slippery. He couldn't get any kind of hold on it and he began to panic. He willed his hands to move, and slowly they did, they were trembling and it felt like they were moving through molasses. Ben remembered Luke and screamed for his uncle, but his voice reverberated and came back to his ears in a roar that made them ring, further disorienting him. His free fall stopped suddenly and not a moment too soon. His throat, shoulder and wrist hurt, but he pushed himself to sitting and looked to the closest light.

It was blurry at first, but he recognized enough to tell that it was his mom. He tried to grab her hand but he just touched the air. But then his hand went through the light, he was pulled in. It was a weird sensation, not quite painful, but almost as if he were being stretched. It continued until he was suddenly in his childhood home. His mom was sitting on the rocking chair that she spent long nights in when he was a baby. She always told him that he was so sweet and loved to be held, but that he fought sleep. Ben's body didn't feel right. He was used to being over six feet tall, with long arms and legs. Leia stood up and walked over to him and he realized that he was shorter than her, which he hadn't been since he was eleven. She ruffled his hair, something that he used to hate, but now he treasured the contact, remembering the blackness, the wrongness of where he'd been.

His vision flashed, and Leia was no longer there. His hands were covered in blood, and there was a knife on the floor. A sense of dread filled him, and he wanted to close his eyes. He needed to get out of here. Back to the temple, back to Rey, anywhere but here. But no matter how many times he opened and closed his eyes, wishing to stop seeing the living room in his old home, nothing changed. But more than anything he wanted the feeling of hot blood dripping from his hands to disappear.

Against his will, his feet followed the splatters of blood that had fallen from his hands. He rounded the corner to the kitchen and the smell of blood was stronger. His mom lay in a heap on the floor, several gaping wounds in her stomach, generally the same size as the knife in his hand. It clattered to the floor and he ran to his mom, dropping to his knees in front of her. He tried to place pressure on the wounds, but there were too many, and too much blood. She stared up at him, eyes pleading.

"Ben? Why? Why did you do this to me? I loved you so much, tried to give you the whole world, why didn't you love me back. Why?" She reached up to place her hand on his face, and her hand was warm and wet from blood. It slid down his face as she closed her eyes, and stopped breathing.

"NO!" he screamed. He went to pick her up in his small arms, but she disappeared. He was back in the blackness, back to his normal size. His hands were clean, but he could feel a sticky place on his cheek, and just knew it was from where she touched him, a sliding handprint. Tears were hot on his face, and his breathing was short, erratic. His heart felt like it was pounding in his throat, trying to work it's way out of his mouth.

There was a flash and he saw his grandfather, his mask intact, striding towards him. "You did well, son. Your mother was weak, she was in your way, only holding you back from your destiny. She kept you in the light, and you have to kill the past. To be strong, to be like me." Ben shook his head, it should be no surprise that Vader wouldn't mind killing. Something about Vader complimenting him for killing his own daughter sat wrong with him. But the voice always told him that this man is who he should be like. That he'd died before he could carry out the vision of dominating the galaxy, ruling with an iron fist. Turning it to the dark, and crushing out any who opposed them. "I see your weakness. I thought that having you kill her would be enough to crush the light. You're nothing but a disappointment, a failure." The next thing Ben knew, he was crashing into a wall, invisible fingers slowly wrapping around his throat. They grew tighter slowly, and Ben was struggling to breathe. Vader advanced on him, disapproval radiating from him. His airway was completely closed, and Ben's vision was spotty. "Failure. Disappointment. Your parents wished for somebody, anybody different to be their child. Rey is going to feel the same way. You're not good enough for her. Not powerful enough. Kill the light, kill the past, that is the only way."

The darkness was killing him. He couldn't breathe. Vader. Force choking. Then placing his own hands around his throat. It all crashed down on him. His cheek was still sticky, there was pain around his neck, deep and bruising. The pressure on it subsided though and he took gasps of air. They burned his lungs, trails of fire down his throat, and back up when he breathed out. These handprints were much larger than Rey's and for some reason he was furious that Vader's handprints were sure to have covered hers.

Faster this time, with no time to catch his breath, it was Luke's silhouette. His body was stretching, this time more painful, squeezing him tightly. He was young again, he could tell by his smaller body. He was curled into a ball, and he recognized his room at the academy. He was almost asleep, but heard the door open and close, and footsteps. They stopped close. Ben looked up and it was his uncle. He stood over him, lightsaber raised. Ben tried to summon the training saber on his side table, but it only trembled. Luke's saber descended and Ben felt searing pain on first one arm and then the other. "You can't stab anyone with no arms," he growled. Through the haze of pain, Ben knew this comment was about his mom. His breathing picked up and he dimly wondered at the strangeness of the statement since Luke himself had lost a hand but was fine now.

"And you can't even leave to try it," Luke said, waving a hand as restraints closed over what was left of Ben's arms, bringing them behind his back. They cut deep into the skin, and had barbs which embedded themselves deep in his skin and he was pretty sure they attached to the bone. They very well did, since otherwise, Ben could eventually wiggle out. Next the same sort of restraints closed around his legs. Then a shackle closed around his neck, only agitating the bruises from Rey and Vader.

He blinked and the darkness was there again.

Suddenly, another light appeared, and this time it was Han's face. The now familiar stretching took him again. He was afraid of what he would see now, but finally he opened his eyes, and was at the door to a med room. Force, he was so tired of medbays.

He looked around for Rey, panic rising in his throat. Experience told him when he was inside a room like this, there was something wrong with Rey. He still couldn't feel the bond, there was a steel door between their minds, but he could sense the bond was almost severed. Han was standing in front of him, blocking the way.

"Is she dying? Stars, dad, get out of the way," he yelled in Han's face.

Han didn't back down. "You don't deserve to be in there. Your mother's blood is still on your face. You killed her and you're going to kill Rey. I've got to protect her."

Ben wiped at his face, and a few flecks of nearly dried blood came off on his hands. He placed his hands on his throat and still felt the deep pain. He only then realized that his breathing still wasn't quite right. He blinked confused. Leia had died? Then he remembered it was he who had killed her when he was a preteen. But how could that still be her blood?

"Please, I'd never hurt Rey," Ben begged, trying again to step around him.

"Han, let him in," Rey called out. Ben sighed in relief and pushed past his dad. She sounded weak, but he was glad that he could even hear her voice, because of the condition of the bond, he thought the worst. Her back was to him, and he took small steps towards her. It startled him when she screamed and arched her back, it felt like it lasted for hours, but it was really only minutes. The bond may have been shut down, but he could somehow feel her pain. It was like hot knives in his stomach, clenching down on his internal organs until he thought he'd surely die. He pushed through the fading pain and walked around the bed to see her. She was in a hospital gown, but there was no denying that she was hugely pregnant. Once he finally pried his eyes from her stomach, he looked up at her face. Half of the right side of her face was scarred. It was in a state of healing, but this would mark her for the rest of her life. It was from her hairline, barely missing her eye, all the way down her cheek, throat and finally stopping just above her collar bone.

There was no other way a scar like that came from anything other than a lightsaber. "Force! Rey, what happened?" He wondered how he'd ever let her get in a battle, or close enough to a lightsaber to get a scar like that. Based on the progression of healing, it would have happened while she was pregnant. Probably visibly so.

"Don't you dare!" Han yelled, pushing Ben in the chest, knocking him back, almost off his feet. Ben wasn't sure when Han had appeared there. "You monster. I would have killed you myself if Luke didn't insist it might kill her too."

Ben was thoroughly confused, but his attention was split. Rey started screaming again, and her pain nearly put him on his knees. He didn't know how she bore it. It hit him that she was having contractions. Kriff. She was having a baby. His baby? Right now.

"Where's the doctor?" He growled. "Or at least a droid. She needs attention."

"Ben, I'm fine. This will last a while," Rey said. Her voice was strong, but she couldn't quite erase the fatigue and pain she was feeling. He knew her so well, every one of her tells. Ben walked towards her bed, but she held up a hand. "That's far enough. I'm not really sure why I agreed for you to be here."

Ben backed up, stunned. He wasn't sure what was going on. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I said, what I did. But I love…"

"Shut up. You don't get to say that. You nearly killed her, gave her that scar on her face," Han bellowed. Somehow, he was in Ben's face again.

Rey screamed again, and both men backed up and shut their mouths. Ben felt the pain right with her, but put it to the back of his mind. How had he ever? He couldn't… But she didn't argue when Han said it was him. But she was contracting, so maybe…? Could she have not heard Han so she couldn't contradict what she didn't hear.

He took in her face. She was sweaty, and her hair was braided in Leia's favorite way, but pieces were sticking up. Where was Leia? Oh, stars. It hit him all at once. He had two different timelines in his head, and they were blurring together. It hurt his head, in fact it was beginning to feel like it would split open any moment. He could see his mom braiding Rey's hair like that when she was at the academy. But his mom's blood was somehow on his face? Even years later?

Confused and in pain, he shut down his end of the bond, but only after trying to take some of Rey's pain. He couldn't reach her at all, and it felt like half of himself was cut off, empty… No, it felt dead. Had he done that?

Rey stopped screaming, and laid back on the pillow, her breathing uneven. She grabbed a towel from the side table and wiped her face. She was white, clammy. How long was labor supposed to last anyways? She said that she still had a while?

"Did I hurt you, Rey?" Ben whispered. He didn't remember when but he'd fallen back to his knees.

She turned to him, searched his face. She nodded. Ben felt like his heart was tearing in two. How? Why? He forced himself to ask, "Was it an accident?"

"Ben, I don't know what you are playing at, but she is already dealing with enough right now. She can't handle you playing amnesia right now," Han spat. He stepped around Ben and gave Rey a glass of water, and a tissue. Rey now had rivulets of tears added to the sweat, and had turned her head back towards the window, pointedly not looking at him. But he hadn't averted his eyes, and saw her shake her head no.

Just minutes passed until Rey contracted again, then they lasted longer and came closer together. "It's time," Rey panted out.

Han nodded, and ran out of the room. "Don't touch her, or I will cut off your balls." The comment would have been hilarious any other time, especially the fact that Han considered that the most serious threat besides death.

Han was back, pulling long gloves up his arms. "The doctor is dead, and the droids are in pieces. I'll have to catch the baby." Rey just nodded. She lay back on the bed, and opened her legs. She pushed with all her might and after a few minutes a tiny cry rang out in the room. Han laid the baby on Rey's chest, and Ben stood up to see his child. It was a boy.

After a few minutes, Han came to Rey's side. "I need to check him out, and cut the cord, okay?" Rey seemed reluctant, but finally handed the baby over.

Han laid the baby on the bed, cut the cord, ran a hand through the baby's hair, then Han put his hand on the baby's face, cupping his tiny cheek. "I'd hoped it would be a girl," Han whispered. "More like Rey and less like Ben. Then I wouldn't have to do this."

Ben had a sinking feeling in his stomach and jumped to his feet. Just in time to see the hand that had so gently cupped the baby's face jerk it violently to the side. Ben could hear the bones snap and he vomited everywhere.

Right before the darkness took him under, he felt a searing pain on his face, the exact place he'd seen the scar on Rey's face.

When he came back to the darkness this time, he was covered in vomit. Ben felt helpless and devastated. As long as he lived he would never forget the sight of his baby's lifeless eyes staring at nothing. He pounded his fist on the ground. There were no walls to punch, no other people to take his rage out on. He couldn't move otherwise he would probably have ended his own life. He embraced the pain, and there was plenty of it. The bones of his arms-right above the elbows-felt like they had holes ripped through them but somehow they were still attached. His lungs were still on fire, there was still blood on his face, and he carried a scar to match Rey's-his face felt charred, scraped raw.

The light gave him no more time to recover. He was on a snowy landscape, a red saber in his hand, and he was circling Rey. She had a fierce look on her face, and screamed as she ran toward her. Kill her. She is holding you back. Look at the light she clings to. She can't join us. She will only destroy our plans, Vader's plans, for the galaxy. NOW! Ben blocked her, and held his hand up to freeze her in place. He advanced on her, and raised his lightsaber, and it descended towards her neck. Just as it was about to sever her head, she broke from his hold. It instead pressed into her face. The smell of burnt flesh and hair overwhelmed him. He looked at her, and saw the woman he loved. He turned and ran. He had seen this scar before, and he couldn't bear this weight.

Ben saw another flash of light, and it was Rey again. He was pulled in, and it felt like his bones were being stripped from his bones. When he appeared, it was a desert landscape. Jakku, he believed. The dual timeline was killing him, too much for a brain to take. His mom dying in his arms, from the wound he gave her. Vader choking him spewing all of Ben's fears in his face. The sight of the scar that Ben gave her. The face of his son staring lifelessly into space, killed by the hands of his grandfather.

Ben pulled himself to his feet, and when he failed, he crawled on his knees. He was looking for something, anything. A way out of the pain. A way to die. It would save those around him. It would redeem him. He crawled, one hand in front of another until he saw something. It was part of a ruined ship. He pulled himself over the side and saw his salvation- his death. There was a busted front window, deadly jagged edges everywhere. He just had to get to standing and throw himself down. Inch by inch he pulled himself up, his hands burning on the sun scorched steel, his mouth parched, and every wound he'd received was pounding, aching, burning, throbbing, bleeding. He didn't know how he wasn't dead already. But he was about to fix that.

But as he fell, he was somehow out of his body. He wanted to scream. It had almost been over. But he looked up and he saw Rey had taken his place and was falling straight on to the glass.

He summoned the force, and this time it was finally in his control. He aimed a blast towards Rey, to stop the descent to the shards that would bleed her out. Time slowed to a crawl, and he watched as she dropped centimeter by centimeter. The force wasn't getting there fast enough. He tried to run, but he too was in slow motion.

Something felt off, he heard a voice calling him. Luke's. Not a younger Luke, but the one that came into the temple with him. The temple! This was a test. But stars, how was he supposed to meditate in a time like this? He tried and screamed at the force to stop this, to save Rey. Even though it was probably a vision, he was afraid that the timelines he saw could somehow affect what happens when they leave the temple.

He felt tendrils in his mind. The light swirling around him, and he pulled it all into himself. Help me, help me. Save her. Let me out of this vision. He saw the glass barely pierce the skin of vision Rey before he felt a great whoosh. It was like his free fall in reverse. He closed his eyes and took calming breaths. The best he could manage anyways. He blacked out.

When he woke, he was cradled in Luke's arms. Ben took inventory of his body, which was still beaten. The lightsaber scar on his face, his neck from the crushed windpipe, the barbs in his arms and legs. And the newest one, a piercing pain in his stomach from his/Rey's stomach making contact with the glass. And the stickiness of blood on his face, and the image of the baby's eyes burnt on the back of his eyelids.

"Force, Ben. What happened?"

"Everything. What did you see?"

"Nothing," Luke answered. "What did you see?"

Ben shook his head, and pulled himself to his feet. He was sobbing and couldn't stop. He was injured, he knew that, but he was still confused. He had to know. But Ben couldn't bring himself to ask about Rey or the baby. "Is Mom… Is Leia alive?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. Why?" Luke said, turning to look at Ben. Ben needed medical attention, but the wounds somehow looked fresh and old at the same time. His heart hurt because based on his question, Ben had gone through hell. Luke has only seen him fall to the floor, and then within a blink of an eye, Ben was still laying on the floor, but he was in a pool of vomit. As Luke took inventory he saw that Ben's face had a long scar, so dark it looked black bisecting his face. On the other cheek there was a bloody handprint, his neck was fresh with bruises, the imprint of hands much larger than Rey's. There was blood on his upper arms, his side, and his ankles. Nothing was actively bleeding so Luke hoped that they could hurry up and get the artifact and get his nephew out of this nightmarish place.

"Something I saw," Ben muttered. A silence stretched between the two, Luke trying to process what had happened while trying to figure out what to do next. While simultaneously trying to give Ben time to stop crying and compose himself enough to go on.

Ben wanted out of this evil place, and he tensed his muscles to run, but then Rey's face formed in his mind. She needed him, or she would be lost to the darkness. He took a deep breath and pushed his pain down. He knew that it wouldn't be ignored for long, no matter if it was a vision or not, but for now, he needed to finish this.

The wayfinder in his pouch was pulsing and he pulled it out to see what awaited them next.

**End notes: For anyone who wanted to skip this chapter, I feel ya. It was hard to write, but this is a sith trap so I couldn't go easy. This is revealing so much about Ben's fears and will hopefully just make him stronger in the end rather than making the mistakes in the real timeline.

Summary: This chapter is filled with force visions. Ben sees himself killing Leia as an adolescent, Vader force chokes him after taunting him for being a failure. Then Ben sees himself giving Rey a scar (think Kylo Ren's in the movie), and Han kills their baby. He tried to kill himself but then he saw Rey almost dying in his place.

He breaks out of the visions-finally. But he still has the pain and physical marks (including a transference of the scar) of what happened to him.