Jen walked back from the portal slowly. She took her time, measuring her steps. She was in no hurry to get back. Her heart was heavy and she had so much to consider.
It did not bother her that Bernice had never told her about Josh. Not really. It was not any of her business, really. Bernice's pain was her own and while Jennifer, as her friend, wanted to ease it as much as she could, she knew there was nothing she could do for Bernice. Terry had been there. He and Bernice had not been romantically involved at that point, but he'd been by her side. He'd seen it and held her as she screamed in visceral pain over the loss of her son. Jennifer had not been there. This was not anything to do with her.
But hearing that story had hurt Jen deeply. The fact that it had happened to anyone, that any mother had to survive her child and find his body in the cruelest of circumstances was the most horrific thing Jen could ever conceive. And to know it had happened to Bernice of all people was even worse. There was an ache in Jennifer's chest at the very thought of it.
"Hey!"
She was so distracted that she did not notice Matt until he had landed right beside her. Jennifer forced a friendly expression. "Hi, Matt."
"You were in a hurry yesterday. Who was that you were with going to the palace?"
Jen had not anticipated responding to that question. She wasn't sure what she was allowed to say. So she figured she'd just tell the truth. Or at least a diluted version. "His name is Nick. Joey and Kayla met him in the woods with me a while back. Queen Bernice needed to see him."
Matt frowned. "Everything okay?"
She nodded. "Fine. But Jerry's involved, and you know that makes everything more complicated."
"Is he really so strange? I mean, I've never heard him speak. Is it like the trees? You just sort of know?" he asked.
Oh how she wished it could be so simple. "No, not at all. He does actually speak. But not in any way that makes sense. One of the things he said to me recently was 'do not go blindly into the dark.' Another one I quite liked that I couldn't make heads or tails of was 'in everyone shines the light of love.'"
Matt's brow furrowed in confusion. "What's that mean?"
"Exactly," Jen said with a slight chuckle. "Are you sure you've never heard him speak?"
He shook his head. "No, never. I've seen him around plenty of times. Usually near you, actually, but he's never actually spoken in front of me."
"Well, I've got no idea why he talks to me so much."
"He likes you," Matt said with a smile.
"Yes, I suppose so, but why?"
Matt shrugged. "Everyone likes you, Jen. You're great."
Jen was transported back to those days so long ago when she had thought that maybe something might happen between the two of them. He had always had a soft spot for her, she knew. And she for him. Her life may have been easier, in a way, if she'd allowed it. She could have had a friend who cared about her. She could have spent her life with a man who was kind and gentle and perhaps a bit impulsive and insecure but otherwise perfectly fine. That could have been just fine.
But Jennifer had never been a fairy to accept 'fine' as being enough. Her mother had taught her that. For better or worse, Jen had this irrevocable belief from her mother still stuck in her head. Fine was not enough. Matt was not enough. And of course, because Jen had put a stop before anything began, Matt had found Emma and they'd had their children and everything was all the way it should have been. And Jen was alone except for her work and her devotion to Bernice. Or rather, she had been alone until she met Nick.
"Listen, Matt, I've got to go back to the palace. Bernice is expecting me. But maybe you and the kids can come over for dinner in a few days?"
Matt smiled that sweet, somewhat dopey smile. "Yeah, that'd be great."
"Good. Give them a kiss for me," she said. And with that, Jen's enormous wings gave two mighty flaps and lifted her up into the air.
Talking to Matt had been a nice distraction from her darker thoughts and had gotten her out of the heaviness of her mood. But to keep herself from falling back to that frame of mind, she decided to fly. She could focus on that and keep her mind from wandering.
By the time she got back to the palace and landed, she took a deep breath and felt so much better. Jerry appeared, calling out with that magnificent sound of his and soaring in a wide circle above her.
"Hello," she greeted politely. "What have you got for me today, hmm? You want to tell me why I get so much attention from you?"
Jerry landed on her shoulder and nuzzled against her cheek and trilled happily.
She laughed lightly. "That tickles." Jerry stopped what he was doing. Jen reached up with a gentle finger to stroke his golden feathered chest. "Is Nick going to protect us from Dane Majors?"
"Something wicked this way comes," he cooed quietly.
Jen felt a coldness come over her. Jerry had never been that direct before. He'd answered her question in an ominous manner. "Come on," she said, "let's go see Bernice."
Jerry stayed perched on her shoulder as Jen made her way through the palace to the queen's private quarters. She used to have a room there, back before Terry had moved in as the queen's consort. The king or queen of fairies was not permitted to be left alone without protection. Jennifer had been chosen to be the queen's companion for that purpose. But now she had her own little house and Bernice and Terry got their privacy.
Instead of knocking, Jen pushed her magic out to send a message, just as Bernice had done earlier to call to Terry.
Yes, come in, Jennifer.
Jen smiled upon feeling Bernice's response. She opened the door and went inside. Jerry left her shoulder and flew to a perch up on one of the floating lanterns. "Bernice?" Jen called out.
The queen appeared. She was no longer wearing her regal red gown. She was instead dressed in what Jennifer knew to be more comfortable attire, a loose flowing gown of soft blue chiffon. It matched her wings. The fabric fluttered as Bernice hurried to Jennifer and took her in her arms. "I'm so sorry, Jennifer," she murmured.
"Why are you sorry?" Jen asked, hugging her back.
"For never telling you."
Jen pulled back slightly and gave a kind smile and shook her head. "I didn't need to know. Not before. And I can't imagine it's an easy story to tell. I have no doubt you avoid it whenever you can."
"Yes, that's true. But I am glad you know now."
Jen nodded in agreement. "But we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Or we can. What can I do?" she asked.
Bernice put a loving hand on Jen's cheek. "No, no need to talk about it anymore. It's in the past. Long in the past. And if your Nick is right, if Dane Majors is locked away, there's nothing to worry about."
"Well…" Jen looked over to Jerry, wondering if he'd interject. But he just stayed where he was.
"Well what?" Bernice asked, a slight edge to her voice.
"When I came to the palace just now, I asked Jerry if Nick was going to protect us from Dane Majors and he said…"
"Something wicked this way comes!" Jerry announced.
"Oh sure, now you speak," Jen grumbled.
Bernice looked up at the death watcher curiously. "Well, just like with most things, Jermuth knows better than we do. Best be on our guard. And probably best for you to keep close to Nick." She turned back to Jen. "You know where he is?"
Jen nodded. "Terry had me watching him in his house for a couple days after Jerry brought him to me a second time."
"Alright, I'd like to have you here for a day or two. I'd like you to review the archives to see if that gets us anywhere. Then you can go see Nick."
"Yes, ma'am," Jen replied.
Bernice took Jen's face in her hands and kissed her cheek. "Come on. No more worrying for today. Time to move along. It's lunchtime."
Jen had to admit she was starting to get hungry. It felt like ages ago that she and Nick had breakfast in her house. And as Bernice said, it was time to move along.