A/N: I know, I know. Long time no update. I just haven't been motivated to write for this in a while for some reason, I've still got no plans to abandon this you just gotta be patient. Enjoy!
"So, the secret painter, huh?" Lily asked with a smile, nudging a wan Remus. "You fancy telling me the facts? You always seem to know the latest gossip."
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."
"How are the odds on it being Filch looking?"
"I was actually pleasantly surprised at the enthusiasm for Filch from members of the student body. Although, whoever's put money on him will definitely get a big pay out if it's true."
Lily laughed and shook her head. "You do know who it is though."
"I don't know, do I?" He replied cryptically using his wand to force open a broom closet door for Lily to check it. They continued to chat as they made their way up to the next floor, Lily needling him relentlessly.
"Well who do you think it is." Remus finally asked her.
Lily walked backwards in front of him so she could look him in the face. "Will you promise to tell me if I'm right." He gave her a fond smile and nodded his agreement.
"James." She said with conviction, Remus' eyebrows raised in surprise. "I'm right, aren't I?" Remus nodded again. "Oh my god, it was James? He's arty?" She asked incredulously.
"He's been drawing and painting since he was a kid, you should see his room in the Potter House. But don't tell him I told you, he's a bit private about it." Lily shook her head, wondering if James Potter was ever going to stop surprising her, the new paint job over the dark mark was actually phenomenal and James had done it? She thought back to all the times she had seen him seemingly scribbling or doodling in class or exams, were all his 'doodles' that good?
"When did you find out he could draw?"
"Way back in first year actually. He did this amazing drawing for a painting for-" His voice faltered slightly, "-for Sirius and we just asked him about it and he told us." The now familiar closed off expression was on his face as he brought up Sirius and there was a moment of silence.
"Are you still standing your ground on cutting him out of your life?" Lily asked quietly as they absentmindedly checked the last closet on that floor and made their way to the stairs.
Remus let out a deep sigh and buried his hands in his pockets. "James is starting to reconnect with him… now, don't get me wrong I think it's good that he does because he's found this all so hard. I just don't think I can… I kind of want him to come to me, but I don't even know what I'd say if he did."
"He won't come to you though Remus because you shut him down so many times early on."
The lycanthrope ran a hand through his hair in a gesture reminiscent of his best friend and shot Lily a side-long glance, brown-green eyes meeting emerald. "You think I should talk to him?"
"Have you forgiven him yet?" She asked.
"I don't know…"
"But will you?"
Remus watched his feet as he thought for a long moment before finally, he gave a small nod.
"Then maybe you should tell him that," Lily suggested, "start things slow and learn how to be his friend again with the new circumstances. You don't have to go back to how things were but you can turn a new page."
They turned the corner onto the last corridor they had to patrol. "You're very wise Lil." Remus said, "and a much better person than me."
Lily shook her head. "Well that's a lie. You're one of the best people I've ever known." They carried on chatting as they made their rounds until they got to the last broom closet and simultaneously groaned as they heard the tell-tale signs that it was occupied.
"Dammit! I thought we'd go the whole patrol without having to turf a couple out of a closet."
"Of course it's the last one." Lily complained.
"Bagsy not opening it!" Remus said quickly, Lily punched him lightly in the arm in annoyance but acquiesced.
She rapped a fist loudly on the door. "Prefects here. You are out of bounds." A feminine voice cursed from inside as Lily gave them a few seconds to cover themselves. "You need to come out right now." Lily said, internally cringing. The doorknob rattled.
"Wait, wait." Came a muffled masculine voice from inside.
"Come out now," Lily commanded, "you're only making it worse for yourselves." She glared at Remus who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed smiling at her misfortune.
"I'm coming out." The feminine voice said, overriding the protests of whatever boy she had been caught with and the door swung open.
"Sirius?"
"Nancy?"
"Remus?"
"Fuck."
Before Remus and Lily stood a half-clothed Sirius Black and a ruffled looking Nancy O' Connor whose shirt was buttoned up wrong. Lily's mouth dropped open at the repercussions of what she was sure was about to happen. Remus had liked Nancy for ages and they had been 'seeing each other' since Sirius' party last year and now she had just been caught presumably shagging Sirius who Remus had only just started to consider forgiving. Lily rolled her eyes and stifled a groan. Sirius, whyyyy?
"Nancy, what the hell?" Remus asked, all mirth gone. Nancy was pale and askance as she realised that Lily wasn't alone, and Remus was with her.
She raised her hands pleadingly. "I swear it was just this once." Sirius looked like a deer caught between headlights as he glanced between Nancy and Remus.
Remus' hurt was giving away to anger at this point. "I don't believe this. I don't believe this, what the fuck?"
"Remus-" Sirius began, desperate to explain himself once again.
"Don't even try it, you bastard!" Shouted Remus, rounding on Sirius.
"Nancy you need to get back to your Common Room." Lily said firmly, her hand going to her wand as Sirius spluttered and stumbled over his words.
Nancy looked anguished but Lily could find no pity for the girl in herself. "We can explain-" She cut herself off and jumped as Remus shouted again.
"You can explain why you decided to fuck Remus over another time," Lily said angrily, "right now it's between Remus and Sirius. Now go!" Nancy fled the scene as Lily braced herself to mediate.
"And to think I was about to start thinking of forgiving you!" Remus roared, his normally green eyes were amber as the wolf, which was so close to the surface this close to the full moon, howled its fury. "But you can't seem to stop yourself from ruining my life, can you?"
"You were going to forgive me?" Sirius mumbled weakly, looking as though he'd been struck.
"NOT ANYMORE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
"Remus, I'm sorry! She said what you had in the past hadn't been serious! She said-"
"In the past? We've literally been seeing each other for months?"
Any colour in Sirius' face left at Remus' words. "Months? I didn't know- she didn't say-"
Lily could've cried as she watched the scene unfold. Remus and Nancy had kept things quiet as Remus attempted to convince himself that she liked him and he was worthy of a relationship. If Nancy had still been here Lily would have smacked her for what she'd wrought, Sirius had been steering clear of Remus since 'The Prank' and Lily believed him when he said he didn't know.
"You could have any girl, Sirius!" Remus yelled, "any girl. Why did you have to take mine?" Remus' voice cracked as he slammed the closet door shut with a resounding bang that made Lily jump.
"I didn't know Remus! I didn't know, I swear. Please believe me! I didn't know!" Sirius was desperate as he walked towards Remus beseechingly.
"Stay the fuck away from me!" Remus shouted, a growl underpinning his words as he shoved Sirius away. His strength which was enhanced anyway due to his condition was especially magnified this close to the full moon, and Siris' feet left the ground as he was pushed. He flew a few metres before landing hard on his back, his head making an alarming sound on the stone floor and coughing as the wind was knocked out of him. Remus strode away without another word and after a moment of indecisiveness Lily rushed to Sirius.
"You idiot." She said exasperatedly as she checked him over. "Why do you do these things?"
Sirius groaned as he caught his breath. "I don't know." He said weakly, covering his face with his hands. "Fuck! Why! Things were just starting to get better. Oh god, why. I'm such an asshole, I don't even deserve another chance. I'm so stupid, she just wanted a quick shag it didn't even mean anything. Goddammit!" His trembling voice had an edge of hysteria to it and Lily moved to help him sit up.
"What's done is done Sirius," She sighed, "maybe this will teach you that sex doesn't solve your problems." He gave her a hopeless look. "Don't look at me like that, it's true! You've been slagging around for weeks as a coping mechanism and it's not helping you. Well? Is it?" He shook his head morosely.
"You should talk to James and explain your side of the story so he can talk it out with Remus once he's calmed down. If what you say is true, Nancy has a lot to answer for."
"I wasn't going to when she first came and talked to me." Sirius said blankly. "I asked her point blank about Remus and she said nothing was going on. She'd made some bet with her friends about me in the sack. They came and we all joked and chatted, and I thought it was funny so I agreed in the end." Sirius hung his head and Lily sighed as she comforted him. "You can leave, Red. I'm sure I disgust you."
Lily squeezed his arm. "You're a big idiot, Sirius. And you do disgust me sometimes but we're still friends." He turned puppy dog eyes on her, and she sighed as she pulled him into a hug. "You need to get your priorities right, but you'll get through this." There was a moment of silence as Sirius tried to master himself, slowly processing what had just happened.
His breath hitched as he swallowed back a sob. "You're too good Lily. I'm glad we're friends, even though I don't deserve you." Lily shushed him and hugged him as he dealt with his spiralling emotions and it was a while before he pulled away and Lily got to her feet, holding out a hand to pull him up.
"Talk to James."
"He's only just agreed to start trying to be friends with me again. He'll hate me." Sirius said huskily.
"Tell him the truth." Lily implored and Sirius finally nodded.
"James." Came a voice from the door of the dormitory. James looked up from his book to see a dishevelled and miserable looking Sirius, James looked at him carefully. "I know we're just starting to become friends again and I'm not taking what you said earlier to mean that everything between us is good again." Sirius took a deep breath. "But something has happened, and I just want you to hear my side of the story." James' heart fell, what could Sirius have done now? But he put his book to the side, sat up and gestured for Sirius to speak. Sirius told him in guilt-ridden sentences how he'd had sex with Nancy O' Connor and Remus and Lily had found them in the broom closet. James kept quiet, vowing to himself to not jump to any conclusions too soon and Sirius went on to explain how he'd asked Nancy multiple times if there was anything between her and Remus and she had denied it every time. He sat down on his bed and hung his head dejectedly.
"It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it even if she had been telling the truth because I know that Remus had liked her at one point and that's against the code. You can hate me again too if you want, I just wanted you to know the truth." James reached for the marauders map underneath his bed to see where Remus was, he found him eventually in one of the towers and a shot of anxiety lanced through him but his dot stayed well back from the edge and not long later Lily's dot made its way up the stairs and parked itself next to Remus'. James calmed down.
"It sounds like Nancy is the one who screwed you both over." James said finally, Sirius' head jolted up as he rested desperate eyes on James.
"I still shouldn't have done it."
"No, you shouldn't." James agreed, "that's like you trying something with Lily when you know how I feel about her." James had long ago giving up denying to himself or his friends the strength of his feelings for her.
"But Nancy shouldn't be leading Remus on and shouldn't be telling you there was nothing between her and Remus because I can tell you they've been seeing each other, going to Hogsmeade together and getting with each other for a while now." Sirius groaned and dropped his head again.
"I believe you when you say you didn't know though. You haven't been around us at all really since it happened so how would you know? But this will have just set Remus back on forgiving you."
"Understandably so." Sirius replied, his voice muffled from burying his head in his pillow. "Set you back too, probably."
James examined himself for a moment, was he angry at Sirius about this? He looked at his friend's crumpled form… he didn't think he was. Sirius was clearly remorseful about the whole thing and it seemed to be mostly bloody Nancy's fault anyway. It was stupid and rash on Sirius' part, but Sirius was a rash person, maybe this would teach him a thing about thinking things through… again.
"I don't think it has set me back. You obviously regret it, but you need to think things through Sirius. You always set yourself up for failure when you rush headstrong into things, and that's coming from me, the king of rushing into things." Sirius let out a weak laugh. James glanced at the map again. "It looks like Remus is getting ready to come back so I'd get into the shower now if you're going and get into your bed and make yourself scarce." Sirius nodded and began to gather his things for a quick shower.
"Thank you, James," he said genuinely, pausing by the bathroom door, "for hearing me out." James gave him a half-smile and a nod, falling onto his mattress as the door shut. Why was everything so complicated?
Monday 10 March 1977 The following Monday was Remus' birthday. For the past week an uneasy tension had settled over the marauders once again. Remus refused to even look at Sirius and the Black Heir found himself looking for any and all excuses to avoid the Gryffindor area, often finding himself at various gatherings of a variety of Hogwarts students who had managed to smuggle in alcohol in different abandoned parts of the castle and the grounds. James and Sirius had tentatively rekindled their friendship, James attempting to juggle his friendship with both Sirius and Remus alongside his studies, quidditch and an orbiting Peter who seemed to be sticking to his word of keeping to the fringes of the marauder conflict. Despite the swirls and eddies of drama James had found the time somewhere to organise a party for Remus. Through some intense charm and more than a few bargains struck with staff members and promises of good behaviour he had managed to come to an arrangement with Hagrid and Professor McGonagall to have a bonfire in a clearing behind Hagrid's hut for Remus and a few friends. There was to be no alcohol and they had to be supervised by the head boy and head girl and back in the castle for midnight. So Monday night found James with an armful of blankets getting the fire started along with Hagrid.
"It's good 'o ya to do this for Remus, James." Hagrid said with a kindly smile as he easily dragged two logs over for seats. "Don't know how you managed to get it past Professor McGonagall, mind."
James smiled as he set up a table for snacks and (non-alcoholic) drinks. "I won't lie to you Hagrid, I'm not entirely sure how I managed it either." It was about half six in the evening and a mild night for March in Scotland. No one knew anything about James' plans for the evening only that everyone was to be in the entrance hall for half past seven where James would take them down to the fire. Hagrid and him were setting up the seats, fire and tables. James had managed to convince the house elves to transport the food and drinks he had organised and set it all out for quarter past seven. If James was honest with himself, he was bloody exhausted. The teachers hadn't been going easy on them, all of them plying the sixth years with work before their end of year exams after easter. James had also been keeping up with the defence group and quidditch as well as finding time to hang out with Sirius when Remus wasn't around. James was rallying himself before the easter holidays in two and a half weeks and had dredged up a second wind. Remus was turning 17 which was important and James would be damned before he let one of his friends come of age without a great party, so he'd made his case to the teachers about his party plan; stayed up late to finish homework and plan practices; and attempted to balance his friends.
45 minutes later James stood, arms akimbo, as he appreciated his, Hagrid and the house elves good work. The clearing was about fifty metres diagonally behind Hagrid's hut, it was only small, but logs ringed a fire pit. On a stump nearby rested a stack of soft blankets; the fire was lit and along with multiple jars of James' red-gold conjured flames bordering the clearing, an ambient light shone out; a nearby table hosted the marauder's enchanted record player with a selection of vinyls; a vat of hot chocolate, several different types of Honeyduke's chocolate, marshmallows, some jugs of water and pumpkin juice, crisps, sweets, biscuits, a covered chocolate birthday cake and of course an abundance of Cadbury's chocolate. James nodded as he took it in, it was perfect for Remus- a comfy night with his good friends where they could just chat and eat chocolate under the stars. He tugged his jumper closer about himself and thanked the house elves before beginning the brisk walk up to the castle to collect Remus; their friends and their chaperones.
"Is everyone here?" James asked to the small assembled crowd in the entrance hall. Remus looked around, half apprehensive, half nervous. He knew nothing about this party except that James had taken it upon himself to single-handedly organise everything. Lily and her dorm were of course there, along with Peter, Frank, the head boy and head girl and a handful of students from other houses that Remus knew well. Neither Nancy nor Sirius were there and Remus pushed away the confused feelings that rose up in him as he observed this.
"Alrighty then." James announced, nodding to himself. "If you'll follow me. Birthday boy you get to go at the front, right behind me." The group arranged themselves and James led them out of the entrance hall. The Sirius Black shaped shadow at the corner at the top of the stairs remained unnoticed as he watched the people he cared most about in the world depart for the party. James had spoken quietly to him about the situation and Sirius got it. Of course he wasn't invited, but it still sucked. Sirius would give anything to go back in time and not make the stupid fucking mistake that he made that caused all this. But he couldn't, and he was getting tired of feeling sad about it, he didn't say anything as the entrance hall doors swung shut- the familiar clink of the glass bottle on the stone as he slowly got to his feet spoke louder than any words he could've come up with anyway. Sirius slunk away, his sigh echoing in the corridor.
The group walked down the hill towards the clearing, as they reached the bottom of the hill they began to climb up a second, smaller one and Hagrid's hut began to come into view. Cresting the second hill, James clapped Remus on the shoulder and pointed towards the clearing he'd prepared.
"Happy Birthday, Remus." James turned earnest eyes on to his friend. "You deserve the world mate, but this is all I could get for you I'm afraid."
Remus smiled, a genuine, real smile. It felt strange on his face after the turbulence of the last month and a half. "James, it's perfect, thank you." James smiled and kept his arm over Remus' shoulders as they walked towards the crackling fire.
Lily extricated herself from the warm atmosphere by the fire as she went to grab some more snacks. It was eleven at night and it was getting cold, goosebumps broke out over the skin underneath the layers she wore. They'd had a good time, it was a chill evening with much laughter ringing out from their circle of light. James couldn't have come up with anything better, her eyes wandered to his form. He was bundled up in a blanket as he chatted with Owen Redgrave, leaning against a log, legs stretched out towards the warmth of the fire. His trainer-clad feet were perilously close to the flames, but he didn't seem to notice. Lily was worried about him, he still wasn't back to how he'd been before the 'Prank' and she had no idea how he was doing all the things he was doing. He'd been getting better since him and Sirius had reconnected and every now and then he would say something, or she'd hear his laugh across the Common Room and he almost seemed back to normal. But then the laugh would end and as he did his homework or doodled or took notes in class, she would glance at him and his eyes would be sad.
Despite everything going on with him though, their friendship had only gotten deeper. During their transfiguration project, defence group or late-night chats in the common room she had begun to see a completely new side to him. James Potter, somewhat surprisingly, was a boy who felt a lot of things very deeply. He was loyal to those he cared about to a fault, and as the marauders had splintered, so had James. Lily had watched him stretch himself too thin as he reached after his friends in an attempt to keep them close. However, despite the depths of his feelings he remained charismatic and funny and so goddamned likeable. It was downright confusing, and there'd been more than one moment when he'd leaned in to say something witty that was only for her ears and she'd wished he would just lean in a little bit closer; he'd hug her to his side in casual displays of friendly affection that never ceased to take her by surprise, and never ceased to replay in her mind over and over again as she tried to fall asleep. But he was James she would tell herself, and there was no way that James Potter and Lily Evans would ever or could ever be a thing. There was no way. It didn't seem to quieten that voice down in the back of her head, but she just needed to keep telling herself that until she believed it.
Surveying the snack table Lily's eyes fell upon the marshmallows and memories of an awful night that had ended in s'mores flooded her brain. She loaded up her plate with marshmallows, chocolate and biscuits and made her way back to the fire. Owen had moved and was chatting to Dorcas and Remus and Lily took the spot he'd vacated next to James.
"I'm thoroughly impressed, Bambi." She said with a smile. James tilted his head to look at her, the firelight throwing the tired bags under his eyes into sharp relief.
"Why, thank you Red." He smiled back, sitting up slightly as she sunk down next to him.
"You remember s'mores?" She asked holding up her plate.
His smile faded slightly but his eyes were kind. "How could I forget? You and your obscure delicacies changed my life forever that night." Lily laughed as she speared him a marshmallow and they began to roast them over the hot fire. She shifted slightly closer to him as a cool breeze wafted through the clearing and James forced himself not to lean into her.
"I've been worried about you, you know." She said, her voice quiet. James lifted an eyebrow in question. "You're running yourself ragged, James. I've been worried you're spinning too many plates- doing too many things at once." She elaborated at his confusion over the muggle phrase.
James looked pensively at his marshmallow as he slowly twisted it, copying the rhythmic, slow twirling Lily was employing to roast it evenly. "I mean you'd be right," he glanced over at her and shrugged, "I have been. I just don't know what to do if I'm not doing everything." He drew his knees up and offered her the other half of the blanket he had draped over his legs; Lily took it gratefully. "Everything's been a mess Lily. If you'd told me at the start of the year that Remus and Sirius would fall out and Peter would distance himself from us I would've said you were an idiot. Yet here we are." Lily transferred her roasted marshmallow to a biscuit, topped it off with some chocolate and took a bite, James following suit. Lily had marshmallow on her nose and James laughed as he pointed it out to her. Lily unabashedly wiped it and licked it off her finger. James looked away as his pulse spiked.
"You can't even talk." She chastised him, "you've got chocolate all over your chin!" He grinned at her, sticking his tongue out at her before swiping at his face with his sleeve. They took a moment to appreciate the deliciousness of the s'more before James began again.
"You excited to see your family at easter?" James asked, "the holidays aren't far off now."
Lily nodded, "it'll be super nice to see my parents and get into the muggle world for a few weeks, and to get away from a lot of the political craziness of the wizarding world."
"How's the situation with your sister?" James asked gently, "you and Sirius seem to be having a lot of your talks lately."
Lily sighed, it was true. There'd been several occasions when she had confided in Sirius about her and Petunia's rocky relationship. It hadn't improved and Lily was slowly coming to terms with potential estrangement from her big sister. Lily hugged her knees to herself. "It's pretty rotten. Since she's gotten serious with Dursley she wants less and less to do with me. I think she's just terrified that at a hint of my freakishness he'll up and leave her, and I get it, I do."
"He's not worth it if he does." James said firmly, looking at Lily until she met his gaze. "Anyone who did something like that to the woman he supposedly 'loves' is a crappy excuse for a fiancé and isn't worth her time."
"Are you an expert, Potter?" She said, nudging him teasingly. He nudged her back and returned her smile.
"Granted, I don't have a great track record, but I know now- more than I did last year- about what's important when it comes to stuff like that." He shrugged, "I just feel like you've gotta want all of someone for a relationship to work. If you don't then why are you doing it?" Lily looked at him, shocked at his profound statement, though she didn't know why she was still surprised when he told her stuff like this, it had become somewhat of a norm lately. "I'd never ditch someone like that." He looked back at her again, "I'd never do that to y- to my girlfriend." He cut himself off, studying the fire once more, he hoped she didn't catch his near slip of the tongue. Lily didn't seem to notice.
"Have you noticed Sirius drinking a lot?" James asked and Lily sighed as she nodded. "Does he talk to you about it?"
"I've tried but he shrugs it off."
"I'm getting kind of worried about it."
Lily chewed her lip in thought. "We'll give him a little while, but I've been thinking of some kind of intervention before the holidays. Will he be staying at yours?"
James shifted uncomfortably. "We haven't properly talked about it but he's of course, always welcome to stay at mine for every holiday."
Lily smiled at him fondly before asking after Monty and Euphemia.
James didn't answer immediately, preferring instead to begin to prepare another s'more.
"I haven't really told anyone," he began, "but since Cassian's death-" James paused as he cleared his throat, a sudden lump making it difficult to speak. "Since New Year," he continued hoarsely, "my dad… he hasn't been the same since. He seems so much frailer now." James studied the flames. "I know he's old… but he never really seemed it." He trailed off.
Lily looked at him sympathetically. "Well he's been through some crazy stuff in the last year," she said gently, "it takes a toll on people."
James looked at her, his face heartbreakingly open. "You're right, I just didn't think it would take a toll on him." They speared some more marshmallows. "I'm also getting sick and tired of all this death eater bullshit. That graffiti really freaked me out." Lily suppressed a shiver, the death eaters didn't seem to be fading away. In fact, from what she could gather from the Daily Prophet and the friends she had who had family in the wizengamot, Voldemort and his henchmen seemed to be gaining momentum.
"Me too." Lily confessed to him, "I get nervous every time I read the paper because not only are more muggleborns turning up attacked or targeted, but the prophet seems to get less and less outraged every time it happens."
James shook his head. "It's not right." Neither of them knew what to say next and they continued making and eating s'mores in silence. Eventually James broke a small smile.
"Have you realised that when we go silent, it's not awkward anymore." Lily turned to him, she'd literally just been thinking the same thing.
"Haven't we come a long way," she teased, fixing him with a playful look, "you know you're good friends when not only can you talk for hours but you can also be silent and it's ok."
James swung an arm over her shoulder, giving her a squeeze. "I knew I'd get under your skin one day, Evans." Lily laughed and looked back to the fire, God you have no idea how right you are.
A/N: Alright, what did you guys think? Please let me know in a review or follow or favourite to keep up with this slow, slow story haha. I appreciate you for sticking with this I know it's frustrating but don't give up on me! Thanks!