THE DEAL WITH LINCOLN

Linc, the white haired barbarian, slowly approached his adversary: Gazlene the amazon. After weeks of skirmishes, the two would have their final bout. The barbarian held his sword close as the amazon crouched with her spear and shield, prepping to pounce and end this in one strike. To catch her off guard, Linc lunged forward in a feint and doubled back.

Gazlene did not fall for this simple trick, and used her pounce to propel her spear into a throw headed right towards Linc's chest. Thinking fast, the barbarian put his faith in his sword and held it aloft to parry the metallic missile. Once the metals struck, Linc let go and charged towards the amazon. He managed to grapple her, then pull her to the ground.

"So you've won, barbarian. Claim your prize!" The Amazon demanded.

Linc nodded with a grunt, and grabbed the Amazon's helmet. He pulled it up off of her head, freeing her flowing purple hair. Gazlene was finally his!

"Lincoln Loud!"

...

Lincoln woke up at the shout of his name to find himself in class with Mr. Elliot looking right at him, "Are you finally awake?"

The boy blinked a few times, realizing that his classmates were all looking at him and snickering mockingly. "Uh, yes?"

Mr. Elliot sighed, "See me after class, Lincoln. It hurts me to see one of my students lose interest."

"Yes sir." Lincoln groaned as he sank into his chair, defeated. He looked over at Gaz as the teacher went back to the lesson, and she was looking straight ahead. She didn't even have her Game Slave 4 out. The white haired boy looked away and tried to pay attention, but he was too distracted with what happened the previous afternoon at the start of his all nighter with Gaz.

...

"Lincoln, are you okay?" Gaz asked again.

Lincoln shook his head and sat back down next to her on the couch, "Uh, I was caught off guard with that."

"What? You never had girl friends?"

The boy shrugged as he got back into the game, "Well, there was this girl, Ronnie Anne...I was kind of forced to go on a date with her."

"That's stupid."

"It was Lori's idea."

"That's even worse."

"Yeah, and I even ended up kissing her."

"..."

"Not sure if that made her my girlfriend but-"

"What's kissing like?"

A chill ran down Lincoln's spine upon hearing that, "Um..."

"Did you enjoy doing that?"

Lincoln paused the game, "Are you trying to psyche me out?"

The girl had a blank look on her face before answering, "No. I'm curious."

The boy sighed, "I mean, I guess? It was more a thing I did in the moment."

"Do you ever want to do it again?"

Lincoln rubbed his chin a bit, "...maybe with another girl I like."

"Do you like me?"

The boy became still for a moment, "What?"

Gaz quickly looked away, "Nothing, forget I asked that."

"Wait, are you asking-"

"Unpause the game, now."

Lincoln did so, but got an intense realization that he was not going to forget that question.

...

"I can't believe she asked if I liked her. Of course I do, she's my type! But it's not like I can just tell her..."

Mr. Elliot had his back turned to write something on the chalkboard, an ominous smile spread across his face, "I heard that Lincoln. You and I will have quite an interesting detention..."

...

The final bell rang and all the kids got out of their seats and exited the classroom either via the windows or the door.

"Hey Gaz, can you tell my sisters I will be late going home?" Lincoln asked.

The sullen girl shrugged and walked out.

Lincoln sighed, "She hasn't said a word to me all day."

As the last of the students exited the classroom, Mr. Elliot shut the door and closed the windows. He walked up to the front of the classroom and took a seat at his desk. He clasped his hands together and beamed a big smile, "Lincoln, how about you come up here for a moment?"

Lincoln took a deep breath and stood up. He approached his teacher, ready to give the speech he had rehearsed in his head several times, "Mr. Elliot, I'm sorry that-"

Mr. Elliot cut him off, "You fell asleep in class due to playing games all night with Gaz?"

Lincoln's voice stalled, the words he was about to speak being thrown right back at him, "Buh, guh, huh? How did you know?"

"Oh, I know lots of things!" That's when Mr. Elliot's eyes opened wide, and flames issued forth from him, "LOTS. OF. THINGS."

Everything in Lincoln's body told him he had to go NOW. He flung himself towards the door and pulled it open only to see instead of the hallway of the Skool, it was a huge void of blackness. Looking down, he saw what looked like a giant eyeball. Said eyeball focused its iris onto him and that made him back up and shut the door.

"I would advise against going through that door right now." A deep voice spoke near Lincoln.

Lincoln slowly turned towards the voice that sounded like a much deeper version than his teacher's regular one, "Who are you?"

In Mr. Elliot's place sat a very tall being with a skull head with ram horns wearing a long black robe under an odd colored leather jacket, "Well, your sister Luna would call me 'a man of wealth and taste' but let's stick to Mr. Elliot for now."

"Wait, you're the devil?"

"Oh my, you're a smart one." He gave a little bow, "Pleased to meet you Lincoln Loud, I am Satan."

In light of this affirmation, Lincoln got on his knees and clasped his hands together, then started to chant with a bowed head.

"Doing that won't do you any good. We are somewhere God and his lackeys cannot reach. Besides, I doubt that lethargic nugget would bother to help you."

Lincoln looked up, panic and fear in his eyes, "Okay, I know it was bad to fall asleep during class, but is it really something to take my soul over?"

Satan's jawbone dropped, "What? Why would I want your soul?"

"Isn't that what you're supposed to want?"

"Oh I get it. Because I'm the Devil I'm supposed to want your soul? I don't take souls, I torment them. There's a difference."

"There is?"

"Yes. I get that you're biased, humans say a lot of things about me, they embellish a lot. There's a lot of rumors and outright slander going around about me. For example, I've never been to Georgia and I would NEVER lose a fiddle contest."

The boy stood up, now just a bit quizzical, "Uh, okay, so what do you want from me?"

"I'll put it simply, I need your help."

"The devil wants my help?"

"Yes."

"With what?"

"I'm sure you have noticed by now that aliens have invaded the Earth."

"You know about Zim too?"

"One was bad enough but it looks as though it attracted two more that want to destroy the Earth. If these aliens destroy the planet, I wouldn't have humans to torment, and we can't have that now, can we?"

"Um, both of those are bad, Mr. Satan."

"Well excuse me for not exactly being good."

...

Meanwhile, Gaz was heading home while being trailed by Lana and Lisa.

"I'll ask again, where is my brother?" Lisa asked.

Gaz glared back at her, "I told you already, he's in detention. Leave me alone."

Lisa pulled out a small radar device and eyed it suspiciously, "That doesn't explain why his tracking chip went offline."

Lana scratched her chin, "Tracking chip? When did you put one on Lincoln?"

Lisa put the radar away, "In any case, you're the last person who's been around him. You must have at least some idea where he is."

Gaz gritted her teeth, "I told you, he's in detention for being dumb!"

"Hey, you can't talk about Lincoln like that! Only we can!" Lana told her.

"You're oddly very hostile today. Did something happen between you two?" Lisa asked.

"No! Go away!" with that, Gaz took off running.

"...I think she was lying." Lana mused.

Lisa nodded, "Of course, though there's still Lincoln to worry about. It could be that his tracking chip was jammed by something, but that is even more worrying."

"Hey, you didn't put any of those in the rest of us did you?"

Lisa gave a shrewd grin before lying, "Of course not..."

...

Lincoln could hardly believe he was having this conversation at all, let alone somehow staying calm while talking to the Devil himself. He cleared his throat before asking his next question, "So, there are more aliens like Zim?"

"Lincoln, the universe is a big place, of course there are more aliens, and especially those like Zim. The Irken race is quite numerous, and have taken over several solar systems."

"Okay, sure, but here on Earth? What are they doing here?"

"Considering that Zim tried to destroy it multiple times and that the one called Tak tried to destroy it once, I think you can get a good idea."

"Oh..." Lincoln let that sink in for a moment, "...that's uh, that can't be good."

"It really isn't, and now a third one has shown up."

"Hold on, can't you do anything about it?"

"I am, that's why I've asked you to stay after school today."

"Can't you just, I dunno, get rid of Zim? Like, take him away to the bad place?"

"No, I cannot."

"Why not?"

"It's outside my purview. Even in my human form, my influence in the material world is very limited. Instead I need someone to act on my behalf."

With this in mind, Lincoln began piecing together what Mr. Satan was trying to tell him, "...okay so you want me to get rid of Zim and his friends for you because you can't do it yourself, but why me? Shouldn't you ask an adult or something?"

"I had to ask someone who's already involved with the aliens. Dragging in anyone who's fate isn't already linked to them will cause a lot of problems between me and Fate, and I'm already pushing the boundaries with that guy."

Lincoln had to half-lid his eyes for that, "Okay, so now we're dealing with Fate. Am I gonna turn out to be more special than I know?"

"No, you're not special. You're a perfectly average eleven year old boy. You just happened to stumble upon circumstances beyond your control, presumably orchestrated by some sort of bored god laughing to himself in the aether."

Oh hey, I've been acknowledged. Let's wrap this dialogue up then, it's been going on far too long.

Satan reached into his jacket and pulled out what looked like a red miniature pineapple, he held it out for Lincoln.

Lincoln took it and eyed it curiously, "What's this? A tiny red pineapple?"

"That is a Devil's fruit. Eating it will give you power."

"What kind of power?"

"It depends on who eats it. Nonetheless it'll help you help me."

"Will I lose my soul if I eat this?"

"If you lost your soul, you wouldn't be able to exist in the material world and my plan falls apart. You won't lose your soul, but there will be...side effects."

Something inside Lincoln stirred, for whatever reason he really wanted to put this fruit into his mouth. Before he could ask himself why, he was chewing the Devil's fruit.

Satan grinned at the sight, "Excellent! Thank you for your cooperation, Lincoln."

Lincoln swallowed, savoring the taste of the fruit, "Wow! That was incredible! So, what are the side effects?"

"Take a look at your arms."

Lincoln was a bit hesitant, but he held out his arms to find odd markings on them; he freaked out, "AAAH! My parents are gonna kill me!"

"Relax, most people won't be able to see them." Satan stood up from the desk and clapped his hands, "Alright, our time here has come to an end, let us go back."

In an instant, everything went bright and Mr. Satan changed his appearance back to Mr. Elliot. Lincoln was still aghast at the markings on his arms.

"I am counting on your help, Lincoln Loud. You can go home now. And don't worry, I won't call your parents about you sleeping during class."

"That's the last thing I'm worried about now! Is this permanent?"

Mr. Elliot rubbed his chin, "Well, get rid of the Irkens and then maybe we can figure out a way to get rid of those side-effects."

Lincoln groaned as he staggered for the door, "This is going to take some getting used to...wait, so what powers do I get?"

Mr. Elliot shrugged, "They'll show up on their own. It tends to happen quite quickly after the fruit is eaten."

"Gee, thanks, no wonder you're the Devil."

The teacher gave a big smile, "I try."

Lincoln shook his head and left the classroom, relieved that everything was now back to normal. He turned towards the direction of his locker.

"Hey, you're Lincoln right?"

Lincoln turned around to see a girl with long black hair and razor-like teeth, "Um, yes. Do I know you?"

"I'm Kat, I'm in your class. You should hang out with me." An odd blue light went across her purple eyes.

"No thanks, I need to head home." Lincoln turned back and started to walk to his locker.

"It didn't work on you either? Interesting. Oh well, guess I'll have to use my animation suspension laser."

"Wait, what?"

Lincoln didn't get a chance to react to being hit with a blue laser beam, and he was stuck in place. Kat started to walk away, holding a laser in one hand that carried Lincoln along, she lifted up her other arm and spoke into a watch, "Get the car running, Eli. I have the bait."

"Yes Tak, I obey."