It's been two months since Ellie left. Leo and I ended up moving back to Jackson, so we can be close to Cassie and Kate since they've been a lot of help. We actually moved in with them because it was too hard for Leo to be at his house and it was too hard for me to be at mine. I took all of the important things from our house, like pictures and Ellie's drawings. We're lucky Kate is okay with us staying here, and Cassie loves having Adeline around and she's grown quite an attachment to Star and Scout. Leo and I moved back onto patrols since they are in need of patrollers here. I have to be careful, but I'm good enough to be a decent patroller.
"You ready to go?" Leo asks me. I nod at him and we start to head to grab out gear and horses. Leo's lost a lot of weight since Marley's death. His eyes are sunken in and it looks like he's just going through the emotions. Maria pulled me aside to talk about moving him off of patrols. I told her to keep him off of the new schedule and to keep him off until he gets better. If he hopefully gets better.
We're riding on our route and we've made it to the first two checkpoints already. The route we're on has four outpost and we're currently at the third. I start logging in the log book that we're all clear. I go back to the beginning of the book and I see Ellie's old logs. I trace my hand over her handwriting. I hate that she left, but it doesn't stop the fact that I miss her. I just hope she's okay.
"You good to go?" Leo asks. I nod at him and mutter a small "Yeah." Leo goes behind me as I prop myself onto my horse. When I'm fully on Leo goes to his horse and swings his leg onto it. We start galloping to the next post so we can head home.
"Have you ever noticed that Adeline has Marley's smile?" Leo tells me.
"Yeah. She's got her freckles too, but your hair and eyes."
Leo nods, "Yeah. She even looks a bit like you."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Leo and I stay quiet for the rest of the ride. This is the first time Leo has ever mentioned Marley. Mostly when she comes up he goes quiet or leaves the room. He spends all his time with me, but can barely look at Adeline. He hugged her last week, but he's just so distant with her. We both don't sleep a lot so we just stay up with each other. We've even slept in the same bed like we used to do as kids. It's fucked how we've coward into our childhood selves. The feeling of being alone except for each other. We're twins, so we'll always have each other. I always feel guilty when I think like this, because Kate and Cassie really do help.
I found a photo of Joel on Kate's nightstand. I never really realized they were so close, but everyone has their own way of dealing with grief and their own secrets.
"Hey, there's an area down here Maria wanted us to check out. Said it hasn't been checked out in a while." Leo tells me. I nod and we start to head towards the area. I get off the horse and follow Leo into the unexplored house. I crouch down with my pistol out trying to listen to my surroundings on if there is any infected. We start to hear clicking so I stop Leo and point to the room where we heard it. I creep and look through the crack of the door and see four clickers. Should be easy. Leo and I split up and I take out my knife to grab the clicker. I don't get the chance to grab it as Leo shoots his gun and alerts all the clickers. It swipes at me but I move out of the way just in time.
"Leo what the fuck!" I dodge the clicker again and pull out my pistol to defend myself. I shoot at the clicker twice and it goes down. Another comes running at me and I shoot it in the head and the clicker falls. I turn to Leo to see how he's doing, but he drops his gun. He fucking drops his gun. I kill the clicker running at him, but that doesn't stop the other clicker sinks it's teeth into Leo's collar bone.
"Leo!" I yell and shoot the clicker twice and it drops, but the damage is already done, "Leo why the fuck would you do that? Jesus Christ you never even tried!"
"I'm just tired Lia."
"That doesn't mean you just fucking give up. Fuck. What about Adeline?"
"She's safe with you-"
"You don't get to fucking decide that Leo!"
"I can't do this anymore Lia. This world is just too fucking much. Now I can be with Marley."
"But you're leaving me in the process... you said before I left to Seattle that you can't lose me too; well I can't fucking lose you either Leo!"
"I'm sorry."
I close my eyes and look down, "You're such a fucking asshole for doing this."
"I know, but you'll be okay. You were always the stronger one out of the two of us. You've already survived this much."
"Well what if I'm tired too Leo? You can't decide what I can and can't handle."
"You're too stubborn not to keep fighting."
I sigh and look back at him, "I can't shoot you."
"You don't have too. I can do it."
"I love you Leo. I'll take care of Adeline."
"I love you too Melia. May your death be swift." The Haros. Leo hasn't used that saying since we left. He was always scared I was going to break from anything mentioned about the Haros, or Henry, or any of it. It doesn't break me anymore. I'm stronger than that.
I hug Leo as tight as I can. When I pull back I place a kiss on his forehead, "I hope you find your peace." I leave the house and untie our horses. A tear falls from my eye as I hear the gunshot from inside the house.
May your death be swift.
When I get to the gate Tommy lets me in. He's still able to do border patrol which he gladly takes, "Where's Leo?"
"Infected got him."
"Lia-"
"Don't. It was quick which is all anyone could hope for."
"Yeah." Tommy mutters, "Worse thing is when it isn't quick." Tommy clears his throat, "Can you, uh, can you eat dinner with me tonight? It's been a little lonely without Maria around, or Ellie."
"Sure. I can pick up some stuff from the Tipsy Bison?"
"Great." I nod at him and head over to Kate's. When I get there she looks confused that I'm alone since the past few months Leo and I have been glued to the hip. When she see's me she figures it out quick and lets out a choked sob before pulling me into a hug.
"I'm sorry."
"He didn't even try to stop it." Kate just continues to hold me. The last few months she's been nothing but great and doesn't ask too many questions. She always somehow just seems to know. I see why Joel liked her so much, "I'm throwing on a movie for Cassie- want to join?" I nod at her with a small grateful smile and we go into the living room. Cassie's sitting on the couch with Adeline. Leo was right, you somehow see Marley, Leo... and a little bit of me. She's already getting so big and her hair has grown just past her ears. I pick up Adeline and set her on my lap. Adeline leans back so she's resting her head on my chest. I'm in between Cassie and Kate. They both lean their heads on my shoulder and we just sit and watch the movie together.
"I uh told Tommy I'd have dinner with him tonight, so would you be able to watch Adeline?" I ask Kate.
"Of course. I love the little munchkin. Makes me miss these days when Cassie was so small."
"Could always do it again, if you found someone."
Kate chuckles, "No my days are over. Menopause already took me." I laugh at this since I remember reading about menopause in dads old medical journals.
"Well I'm going to head now. Thanks again."
"Of course." I make my way to Tommy's after picking up some food. Unfortunately Seth is still around. When I get there I knock on the door and he answers before limping over to the table. I set down the food and we start to eat in awkward silence.
"I, uh, I just wanted to apologize." Tommy starts and I go to look at him, "I just. I can't do it anymore. Joel was my brother and he needed justice, but I can't fucking do it anymore."
"I get it. I had a similar experience, but I ended up being able to kill them. I don't have any anger towards you for sending Ellie if that's what you're worried about."
"How?"
"Sure it was your idea, but Ellie is the one who left."
"And when she comes back?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there I guess."
Tommy looks like he's thinking a lot. I don't know where he stands on all of this, but I can see the pain in him.
I sigh, "We all have to figure out our shit on how we deal with stuff. I don't know how you can, but holding onto what's still here is a good start."
"I miss Maria."
"Then figure out how to get her back and hold onto her."
After this we just eat our food in silence. Neither of us needing to say anything. When we finish I grab our stuff and clean up for Tommy. I put away the dishes and pack up my stuff to go. Tommy walks me to the door.
"Thanks for dinner. I'll, uh, see you later?"
"Yeah." Tommy mutters. I turn to walk away but he calls me back, "I'm sorry about Leo. It's hard to lose a brother."
"Yeah, but I'll make sure to take care of the ones he cares about." Tommy nods and waves goodbye to me. I hope he gets what I'm trying to say- he should be taking care of Ellie, for Joel.
When I get back to the house the first person who greets me is Adeline. I smile at her little figure and pick her up, "Hey little Addy, let's get you to bed." I go into my bedroom and change Adeline into her sleeping clothes. When she's all ready I place her in my bed and tuck ourselves in, Scar and Scout jump up as well so the bed it crowded, "It's just you and me now little Addy."