HANARS CAN'T WEAR SWEATERS
Alex knew she should've made herself in charge of the guest list. More people than expected showed up to the party, and they were undoubtedly unprepared. Everyone was crammed into the lounge, pushing the boundaries of the room and personal space. But no one cared they were sweaty and on top of each other, because they were experiencing a rare thing. Fun.
The party started out slow, with few crew members filing in and awkwardly finding a spot to settle in. Cortez assigned himself to the bar and began mixing drinks to get people to loosen up. James was in charge of the music, asking Glyph to scan through the different stations, and once James found something he liked, Glyph cranked up the volume. The music drew in more people, and soon, Cortez wasn't able to keep up with the orders, but he was having a good time trying. The liquor began to run through everyone's system, and the club music got louder. The bass shook everything throughout the deck.
Alex was glad Joker had extended the invitations to those outside the ship. Grunt and Wrex arrived together, unable to turn down a party. Jack seemed relieved to take a break from her responsibilities over the Grissom Academy students. Even Samara made an appearance. Alex could've sworn she saw Kasumi around stalking Jacob, but she cloaked herself and disappeared into the crowd.
It was a good type of weird to see everyone in one place together. Comrades – old and new – mingling, laughing, and dancing. Finally doing something other than wrestling Reapers and spewing bullets. Some were quicker than others in releasing their inhibitions.
"Come on, you sexy bosh'tet!" Hiccup! "Take off your clothes!"
Alex was impressed by the ways quarians got around certain obstacles in life. A straw, or an "emergency induction port", was the perfect conduit from liquor through helmet to mouth. It took a few extra measures to make sure the alcohol was triple filtered, but with determination, the quarian engineer got where she wanted to be eventually. Tali always has and will be a lightweight. Her words were slurred, and she looked like she could tip over with the slightest huff of the wind. Tali was tugging at Kal's enviro-suit, and he was having a tough time fighting her off.
"I just got outta the med bay, Tali. You tryin' to send me back?" Kal asked, prying her hands off him and swatting her away from unclasping his suit. "Ma'am! Please!"
Tali brought her face close to his, ungainly bumping their heads together, and then ran a single finger up and down his chest. "Have I ever told you-" Hiccup! "-I like it when you call me ma'am?"
Alex saw Kal's faceplate fog up, and she stifled a laugh. She walked away before things got too racy for her eyes.
In a dark corner of the lounge, another couple was getting cozy. James had Ashley pinned, palms pressed against the wall on either side of her head. There was a hairline's distance between their bodies. Ashley was giggling and blushing like a schoolgirl as James teased her with the idea of jumping into the shower together later, throwing in Spanish words here and there for a little extra spiciness.
One of the biggest surprises of the night was Javik joining the party. Although, he did start a headbutting contest between Grunt and Wrex for his pure enjoyment. Bet one krogan that he can't defeat the other, and you've got an all-out brawl at your hands. Alex stopped them before they could break anything expensive, much to their disappointment. In the little floor room there was, Jacob and Kaidan set up the ultimate show of masculinity – a push-up contest. Unable to resist showcasing "physical supremacy", James slipped away from the hot and heavy action and dropped to the floor to catch up.
As Alex continued making her way around the room, two strong hands suddenly yanked her from behind by the shoulders. She was spun around and met with Jack's wicked grin.
"Hey, Shepard! You gonna have a drink or what?" Jack asked, holding out a luminescent amber-colored drink in her face. Alex laughed and pushed the glass down.
"No, thanks. I'm good."
Jack's arm sprang back up, insisting she indulge. "Come on, Shepard! Have one drink at your own damn party."
"Really. I'm good."
Jack's face screwed up and inspected Alex from top to bottom. "Why the hell not? Are you pregnant?"
Alex choked on her own spit. The accusation was absurd, and given she had a partner with mismatched DNA, Alex never thought she'd get asked the question. "What?! No. Why would you say that?"
"You must be. I'm sure you and Garrus have been fucking like wild animals." Jack cackled and nudged Alex with her elbow, spilling some of the drinks in her hand.
She raised an eyebrow. "You know I can't have kids with a turian, right?"
"Whatever." Jack rolled her eyes. "Crazier shit's happened. I wanna see what freaky human-turian alien hybrid comes out of you."
"Jack," Alex said, crossing her arms with a hint of warning.
"Yeah, okay. None of my business. More for me." Jack threw back both drinks with an impressive swiftness and winced as she swallowed. She groaned, and her voice softened. "Hey…Thanks for doing this. I kinda needed to unwind a bit, even just for a night. I think everyone did."
They both looked around the room and smiled. It was true. Alex had never seen such liveliness from the group in a long time. Probably since shore leave on the Citadel years ago when she met Garrus.
"Yeah. Everyone seems to be having fun."
"Ah, Shepard. There you are." Jack made space for Chakwas to squeeze in. "Can I steal her away from you?"
Jack looked between the two with curiosity, eyes ping-ponging back and forth for a couple of seconds, but then shrugged it off. "Sure thing, Doc. I'm gonna go get hammered!"
Alex shook her head as Jack ran off to the makeshift dance floor in the center of the room.
"Glad you could make it, Karin."
"How could I miss the 'Greatest Party Before the End of the Galaxy'?"
"Joker embellished on the name a little."
"You don't say."
They laughed, and their eyes found Joker, sitting on the lounge chair as he repeatedly denied EDI's requests to dance. The poor AI was only trying to get the full dance party experience, and instead got a taste of what a real relationship is like. Sometimes frustrating with unnecessarily weird and stupid arguments. But anyone with eyes could see Joker and EDI were meant for each other, as incompatible they may seem at first glance. They were absolutely in love. When Alex's gaze returned to Chakwas, she was caught off guard by Chakwas' stern expression, melted from cheerfulness, and concentrating on Alex with steel focus.
"A certain turian – I think you can guess which one – tells me you've been feeling ill."
Alex grunted lightly. An attempt to minimize the issue. "Well, you know. The usual." She was feeling fine tonight, the sickness most likely distracted, numbed even, by the high energy and noise around her.
"Hm," Chakwas hummed. "Feelings of nausea? Fatigue? Loss of appetite?"
Of course, Karin wouldn't let this go. She knew the commander was stubborn, but Chakwas wasn't deterred so easily. Alex decided not to fight the impromptu consultation, even in the middle of a party.
"You got 'em all."
"Any cramping?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess."
"Have you been drinking?"
"Not a drop."
"Ah, very good." Alex cocked her head, intrigued by the response. "Stop by my office first thing in the morning. I'll have some tests to run on you. Drink nothing but water tonight."
"Uh, sure. I'll see you then."
When Chakwas walked away, Alex felt a certain unease that shouldn't be left behind by a doctor. Chakwas had performed tests on Alex before on multiple occasions. Still, she had a feeling this was going to be different. Alex stood there, staring blankly ahead and thinking of what she could be walking into in the morning. Was this about the Geth again and the work they'd done on her? Could that make her sick? Her gut told her no. It had to be something else. So what was Karin up to?
The hairs on the back of her neck stood stiff straight when mandibles grazed the tips of her ears.
"There you are," Garrus' smoky voice whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
Alex hadn't seen Garrus since the beginning of the party, each occupied with their hosting duties and then some. She turned around in his arms, and a smile drew across her lips when they locked eyes. Alex returned the embrace, fingers aiming to interlock behind his neck, but settling as far up on his cowl as she could reach.
"Where have you been all night, big guy?"
"Ah, well. You know… Around. Here and there."
Garrus' had obviously been drinking, the strong bite of alcohol in his breath made her nose crinkle. All she could do was laugh.
"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."
"I'm not the only one. Your plan worked. Look who's dancing."
She craned her neck over to the mass of crew members showing off their dance skills with flailing limbs and swaying hips. Alex quickly spotted Nihlus. The maroon turian easily stood out, towering over the others as he danced in the middle of the group with several people cheering him on. Traynor and Jack were the most vocal, genuinely supportive of the uptight and often-too-serious Spectre loosening up.
About time…
"Is it just the alcohol, or do you have vids running through your head of us mostly naked, completely alone, and shamelessly rolling all over the bed?"
Alex met his gaze with a coy smile. "I like the way you think, Vakarian."
A pleased purr rumbled in Garrus' chest. His hands dropped and slid into Alex's, turning away to lead them out of the room.
"Hey, hey, hey! Shepard! Not so fast." Alex was startled to hear Nihlus' voice bellowing over the deafening music. "You're not planning on leaving without showing everyone the 'Shepard Shuffle', are you?"
Alex's face fell, and her stomach twisted. She whipped around and beamed hot-blooded rage at Nihlus.
"Whoa, whoa," Joker interjected, parting the crowd to get through. "What the hell is the 'Shepard Shuffle', and can I get a demonstration?"
"Do not!" she hissed through her teeth at Nihlus, charging towards him with a furious stomp, and creating a clear path as the dancing sea parted to give her way. Alex's chest crashed into his like a brick wall. He barely budged, but she was unaffected. Alex wished she could harness Reaper powers and shoot lasers out of her eyes. Nihlus' smug expression as he looked down on her caused her horror. He already brought up the Shepard Shuffle and gained interest from the crowd. There was no turning around now.
"It's all in the upper body really," he started, making circles with his arms in front of his stomach and shimmying his shoulders. "And then you shuffle your feet from side to side like this."
Nihlus' imitation of Alex's signature dance earned a plethora of endless laughter. Joker especially got a kick out of it, his guffaws roaring above the rest. Seeing it herself, Alex admitted her dancing was quirky at best. Though, she never claimed to be a good dancer and only made an effort when she was obscenely drunk. Regardless, seeing her notorious moves be exhibited in front of her peers was mortifying and cringe-worthy.
"Oh…" Traynor started painfully, "It's, um, very enthusiastic?
"It is impressive," Samara added with as much assurance as Samantha did.
Hiccup! "Shepard's saving the galaxy! You have to forgive a few–" Hiccup! "–eccentricities," Tali protested. Alex was surprised Tali was able to move the way she did, fluid and sultry despite how intoxicated she was.
"I think we've been going at defeating the Reapers all wrong," Joker remarked. "We should record Shepard dancing and broadcast it to the Reapers. It'll fry their brains or core or whatever."
"Hey!" Garrus popped in. "That's my girlfriend you're…" He stopped, clamping his mouth shut, trying to maintain a straight face as he defended Alex. It didn't last. He snickered and let out an exasperated sigh. "Damn it. I'm sorry, honey. That's awful."
Alex scowled and folded her arms, finding herself at the center of everyone's amusement once again. Nihlus threw her an unconvincing apologetic look before unleashing a fit of laughter himself.
"Thank you all for your loyalty and support," she said with clear irritation.
Garrus wrapped his arms around her and brought his mouth close to her ear. "Now, now. I know there are other things you're good at." Her chest fluttered, and the rancorous feelings dematerialized, replaced by a hot aching need. "Wanna head up?"
A flirtatious smile crept across Alex's lips, and she said, "Hell yes."
Just a few inches outside of the lounge and the two were all over each other, frantically groping and stumbling as they made their way down the passage towards the elevator. Garrus pushed Alex up against the wall as his mouth moved away from hers and trailed down her neck. He repeatedly pressed the call button as he nipped the soft skin by her jaw. Alex's moan of pleasure transformed into an annoyed huff when the damned elevator didn't turn up after a few seconds. Their impatience caused tension, and heat continued to rise as their bodies rubbed together.
Alex was snapped out of the haziness of self-indulgence when she caught the sound of running water and gurgling nearby. They weren't far from the restroom, and panic surged through her when the thought of someone falling asleep drunk in the shower and at risk of drowning. She ripped herself from Garrus' tight grasp and sprinted towards the restroom, the door whooshing open slower than she arrived.
Curled up in a corner and under the heavy stream of water, her krogan son was half-conscious and muttering incoherent nothings. His head bobbed while he fought to stay awake. Alex crouched down beside him, though he didn't notice.
"Grunt? You okay?"
His head jolted up only to fall again and gurgled, "Wha? Yeah? I got five credits."
Alex's brows knitted together with a confused grin at Grunt's random ramblings. He certainly had his fun for the night, and that's all she could ask for. As long as he stayed safe.
"That's nice."
Garrus arrived and chuckled when he realized it was Grunt causing Alex to worry. "Is he alright?"
"Damn your lettuce!" Grunt roared abruptly and startled them. She laughed it off and petted his head with a motherly touch.
"Okay?" Garrus replied, entirely unsure of what just happened or what to do next.
"He's just utterly wasted, is all," she told Garrus, continuing to run her hand down his scaly head plate. "Keep the water running cold and take a nap when you can, okay? Somewhere dry."
Grunt, with all his strength, lifted his head and gave Alex a genuinely distressed look with his icy blue eyes.
"I'm sad hanar can't wear sweaters," he mumbled. Alex's heart warmed at his innocence. Her reckless and violent krogan son had a soft side to him, underneath it all.
"Me too, buddy. Promise me you won't drown?"
"Yes, mommy."