Jane

Jane rapped her knuckles against the glass, it felt like a hard sheet of ice against her ungloved hand. She was aware it was only 8am, and that the clinic didn't officially open until 9am, but she needed to see Harvey. She waited another thirty seconds before knocking again. Jane pressed her nose to the glass, ignoring how cold it felt against her skin, and squinted. The lights flickered on and off before they settled. Jane suddenly felt very nervous. She hadn't given any thought as to what she would say to Harvey; she wished she hadn't been so eager to rush out of her front door.

There was movement at the back of the room; a figure came into view, someone Jane didn't recognise. It was a young woman, not 'young-young' but not as old as Jane either. If she had to guess she would say mid to late twenties. As she approached the door Jane could see the woman's appearance more clearly. The first thing she noticed was her hair; it was purple. It was also tied into a thick plait down the centre of her skull.

She watched as the younger woman selected a key from the bunch she was holding and unlocked the door. Jane suppressed the feeling of jealousy that started to rise in her throat; she didn't know who the woman was, so she shouldn't jump to conclusions. She twisted her body away from the building and tried to find something to focus on, a tree or planter or anything to stop her thoughts spiralling out of control. A tear trickled down her cheek, and then another joined it.

'Pull it together, pull it together!' she scolded herself under her breath and dabbed at each cheek with the scrunched up cuff of one of her sleeves. She could blame it on her hormones; they had been reeking havoc lately. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the floodgates opening up. Is Harvey sleeping with her? He can't be! He might be! He probably is! She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

The latch clicked loudly in the quiet street, whilst warm air escaped through the gap in the doorway as the woman, who may or may not have just climbed out of Harvey's bed, opened the door. Jane bit her bottom lip anxiously.

'Yes? Can I help you?' the woman with the purple plait asked; a tone of impatience in her voice.

'I've come to see Harvey,' her voice wavered. She tucked her ungloved hands under the armpits of her jacket and shivered. Standing still for far too long had made her colder than she had realised.

'I'm sorry but the clinic doesn't open for another hour so if you'd like to come back then-' the woman made to close the door.

'-I need to see him,' Jane jammed her foot between the door and the frame. 'Please let me see him.'

'Well, as I said the clinic is closed at the moment but I will book you an appointment. What's your name? I'll see if I can fit you in for an appointment this morning.'

'I don't need an appointment!' she answered loudly, 'If you would just let me get past!'

The woman didn't budge. 'Unless it's an emergency I can't let you through.'

'Okay - you got me. It is an emergency - I'm in labour.' Jane rolled her eyes and tried again to push past but the woman put her hands up; palms out and blocked her.

'You don't appear to be in labour,' the woman laughed, 'but trust me… when that time comes you won't be joking about it. What is your name?

'It's Jane.' A familiar voice answered gruffly. A feeling of warmth washed over her, and despite having stood out in the cold for so long - she no longer felt as cold. She breathed a sigh of relief. Jane looked past the purple haired woman to see Harvey leaning against the doorframe at the back of the room. She wanted to run to him, to throw her arms around him and tell him she loved him and wanted him back. 'It's okay Lauren, let her come inside.' He didn't look happy to see her; or perhaps his poor bruised face was making him look grumpy.

'Oh, you're Lauren,' she said instead of thought. Jane eyed Lauren's appearance again; she saw the large hole where her earlobe should have been, the tattoos across her chest, and last but not least her tiny waist and her large breasts. She'd seen her own reflection in the mirror enough times to know that her own waist was expanding more and more as the weeks passed by. She felt enormous. When Lauren didn't move, Jane attempted to squeeze past her. She had to breathe in her baby bump in as much as she could. 'Sorry,' she said after she accidentally (intentionally) stepped one of Lauren's feet.

'Come through Jane,' Harvey offered her a weak smile as he held the internal door open for her. She ducked under his arm, just as she had so many times before, and took the stairs nervously up to his apartment.

'Take a seat,' he gestured with his hand at the sofa as if it was the first time she'd been in his apartment. 'You'll have you excuse the mess. Can I offer you a drink?'

'I'll have a cold drink if it's not too much trouble.' She screwed up her face at the musty smell that invaded her nostrils. It was really stuffy in his apartment. He was underplaying it about the mess. There was an assortment of clothing strewn across the sofa, three dried up coffee cups that looked like they might be glued to the coffee table, and an unsteady mix of medical and model aeroplane magazines that leaned untidily against the leg of the armchair. She sighed when she caught sight of a half empty bottle of whiskey poking out from under a cushion on the armchair.

He returned from the refrigerator with two bottles of spring water. 'Thank you,' she said as she took to one of the bottles from him. 'Do you mind if I - umm… open up a window?'

'Yeah, go ahead,' he shrugged; a puzzled look on his face. 'I'm sorry I can only offer you water. I'm rather low on supplies and as I'm currently on Jojamart's most wanted list I'm not allowed to shop there anymore so if I want to do a big shop I have to make the journey into the city.'

'Water is fine, thank you.' She set the bottle of water down so she could open the window. The frame was jammed and took some force to open. There was a loud crack as the wood strained apart. It had clearly not been opened for some time. Jane relished the fresh air that blew into the room; the musty smell was really overwhelming.

She retrieved her bottle of water from the windowsill and as she turned back to the room she noticed Harvey grimacing as he lowered himself into the armchair. She didn't want to imagine how much pain he must have been in; being pregnant came with a long list of ailments itself. Harvey jumped up when he sat on the whiskey bottle she'd spotted earlier. He gave her a sheepish grin as he set it down on the table.

'It's uh… for medicinal purposes.' His cheeks turned a deep shade of pink.

Jane frowned, more out of concern than anything else, but didn't comment, instead she watched as he popped the lid off an orange tube of medicine and tipped two large white pills into the palm of his hand. After taking a large swig from his bottle of water he palmed the pills into his mouth and swallowed them. His Adam's Apple bobbed in his throat. Jane watched him for a moment longer transfixed by his bruised face that made him look almost brutish. She realised he was staring back at her, watching her curiously as she analysed his features. She glanced away, knowing his green eyes were boring deeply into her soul. She didn't want to let on to him the effect he still had on her, even after the hard times that had come between them.

The way he looked at her made her feel nervous; it was almost predatory. She swept her eyes across the room for something else to focus on. She was disappointed in what she found. More laundry hung over the back of the armchair he was sitting in. An abundance of potato chip wrappers littered the floor, half a dozen sticky coffee cup rings left a messy pattern on the coffee table, and then she spotted another whiskey bottle that had rolled under the television unit. The bottle was empty. Harvey!

She turned back to the open window and stuck her head out of the opening. She didn't want Harvey to see the tear that trickled down her cheek. Was she to blame for the destructive path he appeared to be on or was something else going on? Perhaps he had been like that all along but he had hidden it well. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop any further tears escaping. She'd been so worried about him last night, but at that moment she couldn't help but feel mad at him all over again. She knew part of it was the emotional pregnancy rollercoaster she was riding but why hadn't Harvey begged her for forgiveness like he had each time he had seen her during the time they had been apart. It was something she had got used to, him pleading with her to listen to him, him trying to apologise. Perhaps his feelings towards her had changed. Perhaps the way she had shunned him had finally pushed him away. Or perhaps he was just too wounded, mentally and physically. She reminded herself that he had feelings too, and they were probably just as hurt.

Her thoughts went to the scary dream she'd had, the one where deranged Dream-Harvey had tried to strangle her to death. She subconsciously rubbed her neck where Dream-Harvey's murderous hands had been trying to crush her windpipe. That nightmare had kept her awake for most of the night.

'Have you injured your neck?' His gentle voice pulled her out of the dream.

'My neck!? No I haven't, I'm fine.' She shook her head but continued to rub her neck as if trying to remove the memory.

'Let me take a look,' he offered. He pushed himself to his feet; she could see both the effort and energy it took. The pain showed on his face as he clenched his jaw tightly and let out a deep groan. He held his side for a moment with one of his hands, the other supporting his weight on the back of the armchair, whilst he appeared to wait for the pain to subside. 'Just give me a moment.'

'Harvey sit back down, you are in no fit state to-'

'-No, I'm going to take a look at you. I'm the doctor Jane,' he spoke sternly. After he had regained his composure he made his way over to her; his full six foot four inches towered over her small stature. She took a step back and bumped her back against the wall. He closed the distance and placed his large hands around her shoulders but Jane flinched away from him and ducked under his arm. Harvey's eyebrows knitted together and he let out a groan.

'I had a bad dream okay! I don't know why but it just came back to me.' She moved out of his reach. 'I've been under a lot of stress lately so it's not surprising that I've been having a few restless nights, okay!'

He raised his hands in surrender. 'Roger that, mission aborted!' He rubbed his eyelids with his thumbs and let out a long yawn. 'I think I need a coffee. Would you like one?'

Jane shook her head. 'I'm fine with my water but I'll make you a cup.'

The kitchen was in a terrible state. The trash can was overflowing with generic TV dinners and greasy takeout boxes. The sink was piled high with dirty dishes and cutlery. She took one of the only two clean upturned mugs off the draining rack and placed it on the work surface. After waiting for a fresh batch of coffee to boil she poured the steaming hot liquid into the mug. The aroma of the ground coffee beans filled her nostrils; it had a rich and spicy smell to it. She could finally appreciate the smell without feeling the urge to vomit since her morning sickness had passed.

'Thank you,' he said as she pressed the steaming hot mug into his hand. She sat down opposite him and broke the silence before it could take hold again.

'You've got to get your act together. You can't live like this Harvey.' She pointed towards the kitchen. 'Dishes piled high, the trash overflowing, laundry not put away, and what's with all the whiskey bottles laying about?'

'Jane I've had a lot to deal with recently. It's nothing, you don't need to worry about me.'

'Harvey, be honest with me - do you think you might be drinking too much?' She saw his face drop. 'I'm not saying you are an alcoholic, I'm just questioning whether you need to reign in your alcohol consumption a bit.'

'W-what?!' He gasped, he looked completely shocked. 'You can't be serious? Why would you think-'

'The whiskey bottles!' She picked up the empty one from the floor and placed it next to the other one on the table between them. 'Last night you were brawling in the street, and you were drunk! I could smell the alcohol on your breath.'

'Hey, that's unfair. I had a couple of drinks but I wasn't drunk.' He rubbed a hand through his hair. 'I also wasn't brawling.'

'I beg to differ on both accounts.'

'Okay, maybe I did have one too many last night but I didn't go looking for a fight. I was assaulted. I went out for a quiet drink on my own and Alex jumped me outside of the Stardrop.'

Jane had been so worried when she'd seen him sitting on top of Alex; she'd learned very quickly that drink gave Harvey a sort of Dutch courage but she didn't know he was capable of doing what he did to Alex; he'd beaten him to a pulp.

'I saw what you did to his face Harvey. There was so much blood. How can you be okay with what you did? For Yoba's sake didn't you take an oath to do no harm?' She thought about her next words carefully but resigned herself to speaking truthfully. He needed someone to tell him. 'You really need to get control of whatever this is you are going through. You can't behave like this; you are a doctor and the people in this village rely on you to have a sensible head on your shoulders.'

She saw him ball up one of his hands and then release it. He did it twice more. 'Yes I did,' he replied through gritted teeth, 'and I told you I didn't go out looking to fight Alex, he created that situation - that's on him not me. I suppose you do have a valid point about the other thing though… about my behaviour,' he exhaled deeply as if in defeat.

'Good, I'm glad you finally agree with me. So umm… Harvey, how long have you been seeing What's-Her-Face?' Jane asked, attempting to diffuse the ticking time bomb, and also to confirm her suspicions. She had intended to speak to him about his antics with Maru but thought his blood pressure might go through the roof if she mentioned it at that point. She was also interested to know more about the woman with the large hole in her earlobe. For her own peace of mind she needed to know where she stood, especially after the shitstorm Maru had rained down on her. Had Harvey really moved on that quickly?

'Huh?' He looked genuinely confused. 'Uh what?'

'The girl downstairs. You know the one with the tattoos who wanted to leave the pregnant woman out in the snow. Are you sure she isn't a bit young for you?'

It seemed that at that moment Harvey suddenly remembered she was pregnant as his eyes darted straight down to her round belly. It was the first time since she'd entered the clinic that he'd even acknowledged the baby. She caught a glimmer of a smile, his face softened and for a moment he seemed really content

'Do you mean Lauren?' The confusion returned to his face. He coughed into his elbow, inhaled sharply, and then spluttered another cough into his arm.

'Yes that's the one. She's not what I would have pegged for your type but she is pretty; I'll give her that.'

'What are you talking about? Do you really think that little of me?' He placed his mug down hard enough to break the handle off. Coffee sloshed across the table and dripped over the edge onto the carpet. 'Ah fuck!,' he complained whilst holding the cupless-handle up to his face for a closer inspection.

'You know what, I'm sorry - that was really rude of me to interfere in your sex life. I should go, just please take care of yourself Harvey.'

'Wait!' He tossed the handle on to the table. It clinked against one of the whiskey bottles and broke into two pieces. 'Don't go!'

He groaned as he once again pushed himself up from the armchair. He took a moment to catch his breath, his hands planted on the arms of the chair, and then with one quick moment, and after several had expletives escaped his lips, he stood up. He panted heavily as he recovered from the bout of pain he had just endured. His injuries had really taken their toll on him and Jane recognised the strained wheeze that escaped his lips with every exhale.

'Oh Harvey.' Jane gasped. She tried to help him but he batted her hand away. She really felt for him. The gentle giant, the one who couldn't see a thing without his glasses, who was afraid of his own shadow was black and blue and broken. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'My inhaler,' he wheezed and pointed in the direction of his bed. 'It's in my bedside cabinet, top drawer. I need it.'

'Where Harvey?' She opened the drawer and rummaged through his things. She moved aside a spare pair of spectacles, his wallet, a packet of breath mints, some model aircraft adhesive, a set of keys, and a packet of pain meds. 'There isn't one in here.' Something floated down to the floor. She groaned as she knelt to scoop it up. It was the scan photo, the picture of the baby that she'd given to him for his birthday, the one she had concealed inside the wallet. It warmed her heart, knowing that he must look at it each night before going to sleep. She smiled but then remembered the task at hand. She propped the photo up against his digital alarm clock.

'Try my jacket pockets, it's hanging on the back of the door.' She searched both pockets, but shook her head. 'What about the internal pocket?'

'It's not in there,' she replied, trying her hardest to keep the panic out of her voice.

'I must have left it downstairs last night. Yoba only knows where.' He slapped his palm to his forehead in frustration. I'll go and check.'

'Okay well I'll come down with you; I'll head off after you've taken your meds.'

Harvey

He took the stairs two at a time; panic was setting in quickly. He jumped the last three steps and regretted it instantly. When his feet hit the floor the impact reverberated into his chest and made it feel like his ribs had been broken all over again. He doubled over, planted a hand against the wall, and released an almighty cry of agony. It echoed in the hallway, and was probably loud enough for Pierre's customers to hear in the store next door.

'Oooh dear, that sounded like it hurt alot!'

He wanted to reply, ' Ya think?', but he kept the thought to himself. She didn't deserve such a sarcastic reply. 'Just a bit.'

Harvey pushed the door to his office open and scanned the room for it. Where are you? Dammit! He knew exactly what he was looking for… all he needed was a tiny glimpse of the blue plastic casing and he could relax.

He felt like a boa constrictor had wrapped its thick length around his chest and was quickly squeezing the life out of him. Each breath became more difficult than the last; bringing less and less oxygen into his lungs.

'I heard a scream, what happened?' Lauren turned to Jane. 'Have you gone into labour?' Harvey noticed Lauren roll her eyes at Jane but didn't have a clue what that was about.

'No, I am not in labour!' Jane snapped at her.

Lauren turned her attention to Harvey when she heard him wheezing loudly. 'Dr Harvey are alright?'

'It's his asthma.' Jane answered for him, a deep frown on her face. 'He's asthmatic. We are trying to find his medication.'

'It's not that bad,' he pulled the top drawer of his desk open and then slammed it shut in frustration when he came up empty handed, 'I'm just feeling a bit chesty - it's nothing for you to worry about. I just need my inhaler and I'll be fine, I must have dropped it in here last night.'

'You didn't tell me you had asthma.' Lauren stated as she rushed forward to check him over. 'Let's get you into a chair.'

'I didn't think it was important,' his breathing was really laboured. 'I've got it under control.' He coughed roughly; the buildup of mucus irritated the lining of his airways. The coughing cleared the mucus but within seconds it was back and the wheezing continued.

'Not at the moment you don't have. Take a seat and we'll get a handle on it. You are going to be fine.' She unlocked the medicine cabinet with the key Harvey had given her; and took out a new carton. She removed the inhaler from the packaging and gave it a shake before handing it to him. 'Take one slow long puff and hold your breath for thirty seconds. Then take another puff and do the same.' He didn't need guidance, he'd done it enough times, but he was too breathless to argue. He took another puff and felt his airways clearing. The urge to cough continued and doing so loosened the mucus.

He coughed a couple more times and then held his head in his hands. He felt tired, but most of all he felt embarrassed. It was just typical! How many times had he begged and begged Jane to talk to him, and after being denied the chance to make things right each time she just turned up out of the blue. Why did she choose to visit the day after he had had a rage-fueled fight in front of half the village?! Then to top it all off his asthma decided to flare up and make itself known! He wondered if he would ever have an easy life. It was very draining.

He felt really glum. What could she possibly have seen in him in the first place; he was neither strong nor brave, unless fueled by alcohol but that was clearly something she thought he had an issue with. His asthma made him weak and he hated it. Half of him secretly wished he had never set foot in the mines on that fateful day, but then the other half of him hated himself for having those thoughts. If he hadn't gone in with the rescue team the boy wouldn't have made it. He knew that having breathing issues was nothing compared to someone losing their life; he just hoped the kid, and his friend, had made the most out of his second chance and put his reckless days behind him. He never wanted to have to enter those awful mines again.

'You should probably go home Jane, don't waste your time on me… I'm a lost cause.'

'Oh Harvey, please don't talk like that.'

'Dr Harv-, um... Harvey, take another puff if you need to,' Lauren encouraged him. He nodded and sat up straight again. He returned the inhaler to his lips and breathed in a third and then a fourth dose simultaneously and held his breath. 'How do you feel now?' Lauren asked him.

'Better,' he answered, feeling tired.

'Harvey, you really worry me sometimes.' Jane placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. He put his hand over the top of hers.

'I'm sorry,' he answered croakily; his throat felt rough. He looked up at her face; there were faint worry lines across her forehead. He couldn't recall whether she'd had them when they'd first met. Perhaps he was responsible for them. His heart sunk. He'd brought so much stress into her life.

'Your breathing does seem much better now,' Lauren gave him a reassuring smile. 'Do you want to go on a nebuliser, it might help?'

'No, I'm fine, you can go now. Thank you Lauren.'

'I really should run some checks on you.' Lauren looked from Harvey to Jane. She could see they needed to talk. 'Ok, I'll give you a moment but I'll be back to check on you.'

As Lauren closed the door, Harvey caught the stern look she shot him.

'I'm sorry,' he looked away, 'I meant it when I said you should probably just go home.'

'Well I'm not going home.' She pulled out a chair and plonked herself down on it. 'Ahhh that's so much better. My back is really killing me at the moment.'

'I've heard it's one of the drawbacks of carrying a fetus,' he chuckled softly and then made a grumbled sound because it hurt so much to laugh.

'Well this 'fetus' had better hurry up and finish cooking because mama has had enough backache to last her a lifetime.'

He smiled. 'You look good Jane, pregnancy really suits you.' She gave him an odd look so he assumed he must have said something offensive. He really was crap at talking to women.

'So she's a nurse?' Jane grinned nervously, and bit her bottom lip.

'Was it the uniform that gave it away?'

'I feel like I should apologise for what I said earlier, I thought-'

'-that I was sleeping with her?' He looked at her bemused; one eyebrow raised. 'I'm not, and I have no intentions to either.'

He noticed the smile, that she tried to hide, creep onto her face. She appeared to relax, like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

'I'm pleased to hear it.'

'You are?' He struggled to conceal his own bemused smile.

'Well ummm… like I said, she's far too young for you. She's young enough to be your daughter.' He noticed the tinge of pink that appeared at her cheeks.

'Hey, I'm not that old!' He frowned and folded his arms across his chest.

'You are almost that old.' She shrugged and offered him a cheeky smile.

He stuck out his bottom lip just like he'd seen young Vincent do during many of his visits to the clinic. A thought struck him… what if the baby was a boy? Would he look like him; would he share his father's mannerisms and oh Yoba what if the baby ended up with Asthma just like him! Although he knew it was out of his control he would still never forgive himself. As the thoughts whirred through his mind his worry must have shown on his face because Jane grabbed both of his hands in hers and gave them a gentle squeeze to get his attention. Her touch sent a feeling of electricity through his body.

'Harvey I think you should come and stay with me for a couple of days, or until you have got your head straight.' She leaned in close, dropped one of his hands, and rubbed her thumb across his eyebrow, feeling the neat row of stitches that held his torn skin together. 'Bring your meds but leave the whiskey behind.'

He gave her a sheepish grin. 'I wish I could but I can't just abandon my duties here.'

'Unless it's an emergency, I'm sure Lauren can manage for a day or so without you.'

'I would have to speak to her, and make a few arrangements… but Jane I haven't told you what really happened between Maru and I. You need to know that-'

'-We can talk about that back at mine, but for now let's get some clothes packed and sort things out with Nurse-y.'

'I didn't sleep with her,' he blurted out. 'I need you to believe me!' His voice elevated a notch.

'I know.'

'What? How?' He scratched the back of his head and suddenly felt really hot.

'Let's not get into this now. Come on get your things together.'

'I don't really understand what's going on here, why are you being so nice to me?'

'Are you saying I'm not usually nice?'

'No… that's not - you know what I meant!' He felt flustered; there he went getting himself into trouble again! 'I really don't want to be a burden.'

'Harvey you aren't getting off lightly, I have chores you'll be helping me with.' Jane winked at him and flashed him a toothy grin. 'Oh and don't get me wrong… we will talk about Maru.'