Bourdain's policing system wasn't extensive, as Alistair found out. Instead of doing anything heroic, they'd decided to just fetch the guards. Once the guard had identified the floating object as a corpse, he had left to get backup, arriving half an hour later with ten or so other dwarves.

Thankfully, the Guard-Captain himself had arrived with the posse. His name was Gideon Hickenbottom. He didn't say anything as his men fished the body out of the water. He remained silent while they poked around the bloated corpse. In all the silence, Alistair felt himself get antsy.

"Should we volunteer information?" he whispered to Leliana, who stood beside him. "We've been standing around for an hour now."

"Not until they ask us," she replied, rubbing his arm. "Remember, we are suspects, no matter what they say. Being eager to give information can be seen as eagerness to alleviate suspicion."

"You know way too much about these things."

"I know."

"Well, Cappie, he's certainly dead," commented one of the dwarves.

"Dead as a board," added another.

"A wet board that's watered a lot," chimed in a third and Alistair pressed his lips together to stop himself from laughing.

Gideon Hickenbottom nodded. He then looked over in their direction and walked over.

"Get the Chairman," he said, his voice like a thunderclap. Alistair got the distinct impression that Hickenbottom gurgled whiskey regularly to have that kind of voice. Either that, or he was born with a few cigars stuffed down his throat.

"Get the Chairman!" another dwarf echoed.

"Chairman? Where's the Chairman?"

"Oi, where'd the Chairman go?"

"Cappie called for the Chairman!"

Like a perfectly demented game of Nevarran Whispers, the Captain's message got passed down the line of dwarves until one of them, near the back, started running up towards them. Alistair, looking on with puzzled fascination, noticed that this dwarf had a chair fastened to his back. This he withdrew as he neared.

"I'm a-comin', Cappie. I'm a-comin'!" he called happily. "Don'chu be getting' bothered there, sur!"

Hickenbottom did not look bothered in the least. He just stood before them silently, puffing on his pipe. Alistair looked at Leliana, begging her silently to allow him to make a joke, but she shook her head. She was amused and he could see it clearly, but she was being discrete.

This is torture!

Finally, the Chairman reached them and placed the chair – which was a steel, foldable thing – on the sand. Hickenbottom hummed and jumped onto this chair, getting eye-level with them.

"Now then," he chewed out, the pipe held between his teeth as he fished out a notebook from his pocket. "Howzabout you twos tell me whatchu were doin' at the time of discovery of that there corpse?"

By then, Alistair was in no condition to properly reply. His stomach was clenching with pent-up laughter and he turned to Leliana, pleadingly, to take the question.

"Of course," said she and Gideon glanced at her. "We were on a stroll, Guard-Captain. We'd just had dinner at Antoine Bourdain's restaurant and wanted to spend some time together before going to bed."

"Uh-huh. If you twos could state yer name for the record and tell me where we can find you if we need to?"

"Sure thing."

By then, Alistair had swallowed most of his laughter. He gave his name and his occupation – that seemed to impress the dwarves but Gideon Hickenbottom remained unmoved. When he was done taking their statements, the dwarf hopped off the chair and the Chairman folded it up dutifully.

"Yer free to go," Hickenbottom rumbled as he put away his pen and notebook. "We'll bury the poor devil tomorrow mornin', so ya can show up fer that if ya like. Other than that, we're done."

"Wait, you won't look into his death?" Leliana blurted out. "This man had a most unusual death!"

"We're on an island, Miss. Drowndead's the most common cause of death around here." Hickenbottom motioned for his boys to pick up the corpse and they did, carrying the body, like a wooden door, above their heads. "Plus, this here's half the department, anyway. We don't got the resources to handle this. Buryin' him's the best we can do." He nodded to himself. "Sorry if this ruined yer night or somethin'. Go on and have fun now," he said as he turned away, before adding in a whisper: "or whatever it is couply people do."

Once the posse was out of earshot, Alistair whistled. "Well. That happened."

"I cannot believe they won't even try to identify the body!" Leliana exclaimed. Oh no. "It's the least they could do! What if there is family! They will never have closure! That's terrible!"

Alistair sighed. Somehow, deep in his heart, he knew this vacation wouldn't go peacefully. It was just his luck. Every time he tried doing anything even remotely peaceful, it all went to shit. Perhaps abnormal was their normal. They had met during something apocalyptic, after all.

"You want to solve it," he said, accepting his current predicament with as much good humour as he could muster.

"Yes." Leliana looked at him. The sparkle in her eyes somehow didn't match her apologetic smile, but he appreciated the effort. "That is, if you don't mind?"

Alistair snorted and put his arm around her shoulders. "C'mon. We can catch up with them if we… well, walk normally."

"Have I told you that you're the most wonderful partner ever?"

"Not today." If this doesn't put me on the best partner hall of fame, I dunno what will. "But I'm open to flattery. And kisses. I like those."