Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Final Charm

Warning - Heavy heavy angst

Also, this is a second chapter today, so if you have read chapter 26: A Broken Erebor, read that one first.

It was the middle of the night when Kili was woken by an eerie sound. It was a moaning keen, making his heart want to weep at the very sound. He scrabbled for the flint and steel, needing light, so he could see what was going on, what poor soul was making that noise. Finally he found it and lit the candle, casting around for the source of the sound. To his horror, it was Fili.

Fili was sitting up, curled into a ball on the bed and rocking back and forth as he made that keening noise. Frightened, Kili scrambled out of his bed and over to his brother's. He called his brother's name, but Fili didn't respond, didn't even seem to realize that he was there. Kili tried shaking him, yelling at him, even slapped him, but nothing worked. Swearing under his breath, Kili bolted from their room and started pounding on the doors of the other members of the company.

Dwalin was the first one in the hallway, his face thunderous until he say Kili's distraught expression. Grabbing Kili's arm, he growled, "What's going on, lad?"

Kili forced out breathlessly, "It's Fee, something's wrong with him. Please, help. He won't respond."

Dwalin shoved Kili at Tauriel and ran for the princes room, praying that Fili wasn't dying. However, as soon as he reached the doorway and heard the sound, his heart dropped. He had heard this sound once before and prayed that he'd never have to hear it again. The rest of the company had followed him and he glanced over his shoulder at them. However, none of them seemed to realize what was going on. He barked, "Build up the fire, find some whiskey. Tauriel, ye need to make up a sleeping blend. Next few days are gonna be rough for the lad."

Kili stared at him hopefully, "Do you know what's wrong, Dwalin?"

Dwalin said grimly, "I pray to Mahal that I'm wrong. Now get moving."

Stepping into the room, Dwalin shut the door firmly behind him. Grabbing the pitcher of water off the dresser, he tested the temperature. It was cold enough to get the job done. Moving over to the bed, he studied the crown prince. Fili was curled up in a ball of misery, his eyes unseeing, as that eerie keen kept slipping out of him. It made him think of the dwarfling that Fili had once been, when he or his brother had gotten hurt. Dwalin wished that he could go back to that time, when the hurts were simpler and could be dealt with. If he was right, this was a very adult pain that Fili would carry with him for the rest of his life.

Gritting his teeth, he poured the water over Fili. The prince shuddered and looked around brokenly. Dwalin knelt by the bed, putting aside the pitcher, "Lad, can you hear me?"

Fili nodded, scrambling to pull himself together, to regain his composure, although his teeth were chattering, his body shaking, and his eyes wide. Dwalin shook his head gently, "You don't have to hold it in, it's just you and me right now. Talk to me, lad."

Fili shook his head stubbornly, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.

Dwalin sighed heavily, "Kili came to get me, ye scared him. Thing is, same thing happened to me. My brother did the exact same thing that you did, the day that Erebor fell." He paused and fidgeted with his knuckle dusters before forcing out, "The day that he lost his One. He felt when the dragon fire took her and it broke something in him. For a while there, I feared that we'd lose him entirely."

Fili was still shaking and Dwalin knew that it was shock, but he seemed to be focusing on Dwalin's words, to be understanding them, although to what degree the guard couldn't say. When the prince didn't speak, Dwalin continued, "He was never the same afterwards, although he did still live. But Erebor needs ye, lad. Even more than that, yer brother needs ye. So ye need to talk to me, let it out. What happened?" He asked hoarsely, ignoring the tear the trickled down his face, "Was it the blizzard?"

Fili gulped in a deep breath and spoke and Dwalin had never been more relieved to hear anyone speak in his life, "I don't understand what you're asking, Dwalin."

Not wanting to say the words, to make them real, Dwalin knew nonetheless that he had to, that he had to get Fili to process this so that they didn't lose him to shock and grief. "Your One, Bella. What happened to her? How did she, die?"

Fili shook his head, his eyes filled with agony, "She's not dead, but Dwalin..." The keening cry swept from him again and he wept.

Feeling relief crash through him, the lass was still alive, Dwalin gathered him into his arms like he had when Fili was just a dwarfling. As Fili shook and wept, Dwalin's brain whirred frantically. The prince must've had another soul dream, that was the only explanation. But whatever it showed must've been truly terrible, maybe even the reason that she had left Erebor, left Fili. Fili had been so strong all of his life, for his people and for his kin, even through all of the quest and it's aftermath, as hard as it had been. Even the restoration of Erebor, he had never stopped, never processed everything. This final thing had been the piece of ore that broke the mine cart.

Kili tentatively poked his head into the room, fear clear on his face. Carefully not to disturb Fili, Dwalin carefully signed that he would explain everything, but that everyone except for Kili needed to return to their rooms.

Kili signed hesitantly, 'Even Tauriel?'

Dwalin signed firmly, 'Even Tauriel, Fili's very vulnerable right now. Even though she's your One, he won't allow himself to show his true vulnerability around those he has to be strong for. Right now, only you and I can see him like this.'

Kili's expression firmed, 'I'll send them away.' He ducked out of the room to do just that.

Dwalin listened to the quiet voices and then there was silence. Carefully lifting the still weeping lad in his arms, he slowly made his way into the other room. Kili was hovering by the fire, a lost expression on his face. Dwalin gritted his teeth, these two were good lads, it wasn't fair, that everything that they'd been through, everything they'd done, they were still suffering.

He sighed, getting angry was not what the lads needed right now. He wished that his brother was here right now, or the lads mother, both of them were better at using their words than Dwalin was. But he was what they had, so he'd do his best to help them. He settled into an armchair, as close to the fire as he could get without being in the fire.

Time passed and gradually Fili started to pull himself together, his tears slowing and eventually tapering off. Knowing that the lad would be embarrassed, Dwalin stood matter of factly and settled Fili back on his feet, snagging the blanket that Kili offered him and wrapping the crown prince tightly in it before urging him to sit in the chair. Turning his back while Fili composed himself, Dwalin leaned on the mantel and stared into the fire, telling Kili quietly, "Think we'll have that whiskey now, you too, lad."

He heard the clink and gurgle of something being poured before a mug was thrust into his hand. He waited until he heard Kili mutter something quietly to Fili before turning around. Fili's eyes were red rimmed and he looked rather lost, Kili was sitting on the ground at his feet, leaning against his legs and obviously trying to impart his strength to his brother. Dwalin said gruffly, "Drink."

They both did, Fili shuddering at the burn but clarity reentering his eyes. With the awareness, Dwalin could see his shame at weeping like a pebble, but also a brokenness. He shook his head, "None of that, lad. It's just me and Kili and we won't breathe a word to anyone. Now, tell us everything."

Fili looked like he was about to refuse but Kili pleaded, "Please, Fee. Tell us what happened, let us in. Whatever it is, we will stand with you, just don't shut me out."

His eyes haunted, Fili slowly and haltingly told about his soul dream. How they had been in Erebor, about Thorin's slow descent into madness and gold sickness, about the elves and men, the growing hopelessness and need to find a way out of the escalating mess. And finally with many stops and false starts, he shared about that final morning on the wall top, when Thorin had done the unthinkable and tried to kill his One, how he hadn't been able to save her from his uncle, his king, the one he had trusted above all others. And how she had made him stay behind, fearing more for those left behind than herself, who had almost fallen to her death at the hands of one that should've protected her.

His voice was harsh and hoarse, "I swore, I swore, that I would come to her as soon as I could. Between Thorin's actions and my own, it is little wonder that she left. I know, in my soul, that I never saw her again after that moment. It would be better if I just let her go entirely."

Dwalin growled and was about to speak when Kili beat him to it. Rising to his full height, his hands clenched into fists, Kili snarled, "If you do that, you're no better than Thorin."

Fili gaped at him before his eyes narrowed and he snarled back, "I failed, Kili! I failed the time that it mattered most! She could've died and I wasn't able to stop it!"

"But you didn't! Your One is still out there, still alive! You swore that you would go to her as soon as you could. She didn't blame you, she kissed you and everything! I know as sure as I know that Tauriel is my One that your Bella is still waiting for you! If you walk away from her, you have no honor. If you chose to walk away from her, from your One, you won't be my brother anymore. It's fine to hurt over what happened. Spend the rest of your life making it up to her or if she wants nothing to do with you, walk away. But that is her choice and it's her right to make it, not yours."

Kili's voice lowered and smoothed out, his expression becoming almost sympathetic, "Tell me, nadad. What if everything had been reversed? If you had been the one banished and Bella had remained? Would you hate her for that choice? Never want to see her again?"

Fili cried out immediately, "Of course not! How can you even ask that?"

Kili countered mercilessly, "How can you think of abandoning your One? The other half of your very soul? The one that all dwarves pray to Mahal to find?"

Fili groaned, "I broke one of our deepest taboos, I allowed her to be hurt and then I allowed her to walk away."

Kili shook his head fiercely, his loyalty and trust in his brother shining clearly in his eyes. "No, nadad. I know you and I know that you did everything possible in an impossible situation. I know that you didn't stand idly by but did everything you could to free her from Thorin. I know that you probably exhausted yourself before this point, trying to shelter us all from Thorin's gold madness. What I remember of that time was horrible enough, but I can't even begin to imagine the position that you were in. Trying to shield all of us, lead all of us, prevent a war. And to do that while trying to protect your One? No, I do not envy you that. But you stood strong through all of it. A lesser dwarf would've broken under that, or walked away. I have never met a dwarf as strong and honorable as you, not even uncle."

Kili looked away and sighed before meeting his brother's eyes again, "If you had truly broken a taboo, if you'd lost all honor, I believe that Mahal would've allowed you to be struck down in battle. Uncle as well, for laying hands on a dam. We have these taboos for a reason, nadad. And I know that if uncle knew what he did while he was under the gold's thrall, he would be devastated. Don't do this, don't break yourself and your One for events that were beyond your control. Please, nadad. Please, Fee."

Fili didn't respond, but stood and made his way into their room and shut the door firmly behind him. Kili's face twisted into despair but Dwalin shook his head, "Don't give up on him, lad. It's a lot to process. He'll need his space."

Kili moved over in front of the fire and poked absently at it with the fireplace tool. "Why was he wet?"

Dwalin sighed, "After Erebor, when we lost so many, we lost many more from the shock of a broken bond. If ye can manage to draw them from that shock, get them warm and moving or talking, ye have a chance of keeping 'em alive."

Kili looked at Dwalin thoughtfully, "That's why you told us to build up the fire and for Tauriel to make the tea, you thought something had happened to Bella."

Dwalin sighed, "I've heard that sound once before in my life and I never wanted to hear it again. I heard it the day my brother lost his One and I nearly lost him. It's a time I'd rather not think on again, but I least I knew what to do with yer brother. We're going to have a close eye on him for the next few days, even with Bella being still alive. All of this was bottled up and hit him with the force of a cave troll, without any warning."

The bedroom door opened again and they turned to face it, only to see Fili come marching out, dressed in his work clothes with his hair bound up. His eyes were clear and his expression determined. "I'm heading to the forge. We're leaving as soon as possible once the weather clears, so I want to have the gift done."

Kili nodded at him, having to bit back his sigh of relief. "Give me just a moment and I'll go with you."

Without giving him time to protest, Kili ran into the room to change into his smithing clothes as well. As he was changing, a scrap of parchment on the desk drew his attention. Going over for a closer look, he saw that it was the sketch of Bella's bracelet. He studied it closely, wondering what exactly was different about it. Then he saw that the last charm had been added. He sucked in a breath as he saw what it was, a shattered heart.

Leaving the parchment where it was, he ran to rejoin his brother.

Fili didn't leave the forge for the next three days, barely eating and snatching an hour or so of fitful sleep on the cot that Elrond had provided, working feverishly on the bracelet. Kili had stayed with him for most of that time, only taking brief breaks to eat or speak with Tauriel. He and Dwalin hadn't told the others about what had happened, only that it was a bad soul dream. The rest of them respected that and didn't ask for anything more.

When he emerged from the forge, there was peace back in his eyes and he seemed to be re-centered. Both Kili and Dwalin could see the underlying anxiety and determination warring for dominance, but held their tongues and just let him know that they were there if he needed them. He sparred with them, trying to drain his energy so that he could sleep, but his sleep remained light and restless, troubled with dreams that he wouldn't speak of.

The storm ended three days after he emerged from the forge, but their ponies wouldn't be able to break through the snow for at least another week. Fili weighed the odds anxiously, trying to decide if it was better to leave immediately although the snow would slow their progress or wait until the ponies could do it and make better time than they would walking. Sensing his indecision and knowing that they were going to fetch Fili's intended, Elrond graciously offered them the use of swift horses and an elven escort if they would only wait a day or two until it was safe to travel. After discussing it with the others, he gratefully accepted the offer.

It took a little over two weeks to reach Bree, much better time than they would've made on the sturdy little ponies. As they traveled, the snow rapidly melted, showing that spring was indeed on it's way and maybe already there. Kili watched over Fili anxiously as they traveled. The blond dwarf was losing weight, seemingly torn between anticipation and anxiety. Kili prayed for his brother to have another soul dream, to show that Bella didn't hate him and whatever it was that had driven her away because he didn't believe that a lass as stubborn as his brother described would flee from Thorin's wrath. Maybe retreat and regroup, but then she'd be back, most like with a cast iron skillet to wallop some sense into Thorin's rock head. But they remained stubbornly absent, so both princes fretted and worried, although they did their best to appear like they were unconcerned.

They took leave of their elven escort at Bree with thanks and the reassurance that their ponies would be waiting for them there as soon as they possibly could be. Since it was late afternoon when they arrived, they rented rooms at the Prancing Pony for the night. Unable to bear the dark circles under Fili's eyes anymore, Kili and Tauriel worked together to slip him some sleeping herbs, with Dwalin's unspoken but full approval. By the time that Fili cottoned on to what had happened, it was too late, his eyes were already drooping. Kili simply helped him up to their room and slipped off his boots before tucking him in and going back to join the others.

Fili came awake instantly, sitting up in bed and reaching for his weapon. Looking around for a threat, he found the room empty except for Kili sprawled out in the other bed, limbs and hair going every which way. Letting his hand fall away from his dagger hilt, he scrubbed wearily at his face. How had he even gotten here, the last thing that he could remember was sitting down in the common room to eat dinner, then it all went fuzzy. He groaned when he realized that Kili must have drugged him. Meddling little brother!

He looked over at Kili and huffed a laugh, rolling his eyes a little bit. Fili climbed out of bed and stretched, unsure if he should thank or throttle his brother. Yes, he wouldn't have been able to sleep the night before but that didn't mean that he wanted to be drugged. A rock dropped into his stomach as he remembered. Bella. The Shire. He would finally see her today, would finally be able to touch her, speak with her. He swallowed hard, he would know one way or another if she wanted to ever see him again or if she wanted nothing to do with him.

Kili totally forgotten now, Fili dressed carefully, although most of his clothes were travel worn at this point. He redid his braids neatly, taking care to make sure that they were just so. He woke Kili by kicking the bed and Kili shot up to a sitting position, mumbling that he was awake. Giving a small snort of laughter, Fili told him to get dressed and ready to go, before leaving the room and making his way downstairs. He found Dwalin already there and ready, his pack at his feet.

Getting a mug of coffee, Fili made his way over and sat opposite of him. He scowled at the tattooed guard. "You could've warned me what they were up to."

Dwalin grinned at him, "Ye should've been watching yer food, that's basic traveling knowledge. Besides, ye needed rest. No use talking with yer One when yer all fuzzy headed from fatigue."

Fili's hand tightened around the mug and he admitted quietly, "I'm scared."

Dwalin shrugged, "Only natural, lad. But ye've never run from anything in yer life and yer not about to start now. Have faith, everything is going to be all right."

Fili started to reply but bit his tongue as the rest of the group straggled in. Instead, he just ran his hand roughly through his hair and prayed for the courage to go through with it. Thankfully, the company didn't linger over breakfast and they were underway quickly.

As they walked, Fili ran over dozens of scenarios in his head. Surprisingly though, his fear was soon eclipsed by a need to see her, to know that she was safe, and well. All around them, the Shire bloomed with spring and new beginnings. He prayed that it was a sign that things would go well. It took the better part of the day to reach an area that felt familiar to him, although he couldn't remember having ever been there before. Something inside him tugged him on, leading him towards something, towards her.

It was edging on upon the dinner hour when they came upon the Green Dragon Inn and the memory of Thranduil's dungeon's came back to him and how Bella would take him for a pint there if he was ever in the area. He could barely stand still, he knew they were close, that she was close and waiting for him. The company agreed to wait for him at the Green Dragon and for him to go on ahead alone. Kili looked like he wanted to come along, but both Tauriel and Dwalin promptly shut him down. Handing his pack to his brother, he muttered that he'd be back later, and took off.

To his surprise, his goal was not as far away as he'd thought. He had just passed over the hill when he saw a hobbit home with a round green door, same as the one in his dreams. He swallowed hard, his heart racing. He'd finally made it, please let her be there, please let her be all right. Before he knew it, he was sprinting over to the door and pounded on it, his heart in his throat, desperation coursing through him. Let her be there, by all that was holy, let her be there.

Notes:

Next chapter - Bella and Fili finally reunite (Well overdue, I know, but this story was stubborn and insisted upon moving at it's own pace).