Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Myer.
Hope you enjoy.
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She stood at the balcony with the wide doors open, feeling the cold breeze tickle through her hair and touch the skin of her throat. She no longer felt it's bitter touch, like she would have done as a human. Instead, it was a nice feeling.
A day had passed since Carlisle had proposed to her, and she still couldn't quite wrap her head around it. Her engagement ring would catch the light and leave her staring at it in a moment of bewilderment until she remembered the night at the lake and smiled. It had come as a pleasant surprise to her when she had found out that Edward had gone along with Carlisle to pick out the ring, and the thought brought even more sentimental value to the ring. Edward had hugged her when they returned from the lake, the three of them remaining in the porch as the sun rose, and Esme couldn't remember a time she had been happier.
Distracted as she was by the beautiful view around her and her memories, she almost jumped in surprise when a pair of strong arms wrapped around her. Her moment of shock caused her to tense instantly at the sudden hold.
"Esme?" A familiar voice spoke by her ear, as the arms instantly disappeared from around her. Not a moment later, she inhaled the familiar scent that belonged to Carlisle.
She spun on her ears, meeting golden eyes that glowed with concern. "Carlisle!" She realised. "I-I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologise for." Carlisle told her, looking upset with himself. "I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that and-"
Esme sighed, silently cursing her first husband and his horrid touch for ruining what was supposed to be a loving moment between herself and Carlisle. Would Charles always haunt her, creeping up on her when she let her guard down?
"It's not your fault." Esme told him firmly. It's his, she thought privately, but she would not speak the words out loud. She refused to allow Charles to come between them. He was nothing to her anymore, a faint ghost of her history.
A ghost whose voice and touch still found her, and made her feel as vulnerable and alone as she had done for all those years.
But, Carlisle's presence instantly pushed the reminder of her ex-husband away. Seeking his comfort, Esme stepped into his embrace, feeling relieved as she felt him wrap his arms around her, hugging her closer to him.
She hadn't thought about Charles in a very long time. Not just because the reminder of him scared and saddened her, even though she knew she would never see him again, and even if she did, he would never cause her harm. However, in little moments, when she was so lost in her own head, she couldn't help how he would haunt her.
"Carlisle?" Esme whispered after a moments silence. "Can I ask you something?"
"You can ask me anything you want." Carlisle promised her, wanting to stroke her back comfortingly, but also feeling hesitant. His heart had dropped as she had flinched from his touch, despite knowing it wasn't him who had caused such a reaction. Once again, he found himself hating a man he had never met - Charles Evenson.
"Would you still love me, if I told you that I was unable to forget him?" She asked in a quiet, sad voice.
Carlisle took in those words slowly, mulling over his answer. At first, he only felt his hatred towards Charles increase. Damn the man, for making this wonderful, selfless woman think the worst of herself. But, he controlled his feelings, knowing that if Esme realised how much Charles affected him, she would feel guilty.
He looked down at her, as she leaned into him with her face down. "One day, you may come to move on from what he did to you, but if that day does not come, no would could blame you. What he did to you is unforgivable." Gently, he lifted her chin with his fingers so she could look at him. "I will never not love you, Esme. What would make you think any differently?"
She sighed, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. "You make me the happiest woman in the world." She told him honestly. "But, sometimes, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I allow myself to realise just how undeserving I am of you. I am not pure, Carlisle." She lowered her eyes sadly. "No man desires a wife who has...already been touched by another."
He had barely allowed himself to think of the events of her human life, only when he had been comforting her, in moments where she had opened up to him. In those moments, he had never blamed her, nor thought less of her. Yet, it was clear to him now that all those years had tarnished how she thought of herself, and he wished he had seen it sooner. He should be comforting her every worry, not allowing her to think so poorly of herself.
However, Carlisle had been born in a very different world. In the 1600's, people married young, and because of this, both sides would have been new to the world of sexual intercourse. Now, in the 1900s, premarital sex was slowly becoming more common, with more and more people engaging in such activities before settling down in marriage.
Carlisle knew that Esme had been intimate with her first husband; a baby had been conceived, after all. But, from the small pieces of information that Esme had felt safe to share with him - and the thoughts that Edward had told him he had heard from her memories - he knew those moments were not ones of romance and love.
Instead, Charles had forced himself on her - and that was enough to make Carlisle hate him more than he had ever hated another human soul before.
He cupped her face ever so gently, not wanting to startle her. "I love you, Esme." He told her firmly. "I promise you, that I will never hurt you. The mere thought of you being in pain causes me pain. I would rather die myself than let a harm come to a single hair on your head. You are my entire life, and the only person who is undeserving of love is that bastard for what he put you through."
Upset as she was, Esme was surprised to hear such a word fall from his lips. She had never thought about how he perceived Charles, but he clearly felt very protective of her, and despised the man who had treated her so poorly. It made her hate Charles even more for causing someone as good as Carlisle to say such things.
"I will always admire your courage and your optimism, and your hope - despite what this world has thrown at you." Carlisle went on. "That man will rot in hell, but he did not win. He did not destroy your heart, Esme. You will never be without your compassion, or your selfless devotion to others. Your kindness and soul make you who you are, and he will never change that. He has no power of you."
Overcome by a hundred different emotions, Esme collapsed into his arms, sobbing into his chest. This time, when his arms enclosed tightly around her, she did not flinch. She craved his touch. Carlisle eased her pain and made her feel safe; it would always be that way.
"You taught me what it felt to be loved, Carlisle." She whispered. "You have given me this great life, with you, and for that I will be eternally grateful."
Would you still love me, if I told you that I was unable to forget him? Her words echoed in his mind.
He would never not love Esme, he knew that completely. He had never been more sure of anything in his entire existence. This woman in his arms was the reason he was thankful for every day that passed. For the very first time since he had become a vampire, he finally had a reason be thankful for being able to live forever, for it meant he would never have to leave her. The idea of living forever no longer seemed long and bleak, but full of possibilities and upcoming memories that they would share together.
There would one day be a day where the memory of Charles would not scare her, or make her tense, or cause her to relive past experiences. Carlisle knew this, because he knew Esme; she was strong enough to forget her past.
But, she would also never forget the man who had been the reason for her son. Joseph. She had loved her baby so unconditionally, despite their short story together. Charles Evenon had been a monster, but his son had not been, and without Charles, Esme would never have had Joseph.
Esme felt miserable that she had gotten so tense when Carlisle had touched her, but she had been taken by surprise and her mind had allowed her to go back in the past. She knew Carlisle would never treat her in such a way.
This is Carlisle, Esme reminded herself strictly, as she gazed up at the man she loved with her whole heart. He loves you. You're perfectly safe.
Taking a deep breath, Esme gave him a soft smile. "Will you watch the sunset with me?" She requested in the gentlest of voices.
Feeling his own body soften and relax, Carlisle dipped his head. "I'd love to."
Surprising both of them, Esme led the way back to the open windows and stood with her back to him, moving his arms so they were around her waist once again. This time, there was no flinching or sudden stiffness. Instead, she leaned back against him, and he kissed the top of her head in the way that she adored.
Yes - Carlisle thought to himself as he held her, as the morning sun started to appear in the distance - one day Charles Evenson will be no more than a distant memory. Joseph will remain in her heart forever, but his father would be forgotten.
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Downstairs, as he sat on the cushioned piano stool, Edward had been unable to prevent hearing the thoughts of his parents.
His fist had clenched at the memories which had flashed through Esme's mind uncontrollably; of being handled and treated as property, of the bruises that had covered her skin, of cut lips and bleeding noses and cracked ribs - all by the hands of a man who had sworn to love and protect her. Charles Evenson was a vile excuse of a man, but he had left his mark on the woman who had escaped his clutches.
Esme would never have to fear seeing him again - both Carlisle and Edward would make sure of that. But, it would take a long time for her invisible scars to finally heal.
In Carlisle's mind, Edward had been surprised to find such anger in his father. But, he understood it as well. Carlisle was very protective of Esme, and the fact that she was clearly still affected by Charles had unsettled him, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it from her.
As the current conversation faded in the background, Edward found himself admiring both Carlisle and Esme.
Carlisle, who was very capable of finding Charles Evenson and killing him himself, would never give in to that temptation, no matter how much he wanted to. Neither he nor Esme would want him to do so, because that meant Charles would be the reason for destroying Carlisle's control, which was something that made Carlisle who he was, having spent decades in agony as he fought against becoming a monster.
Esme was strong enough to not allow herself to allow Carlisle to hurt the man, because she loved Carlisle too much. Instead, she had allowed herself to be completely vulnerable to Carlisle as she spoke of her ex-husband, finding comfort in finally being with the man who would truly love and cherish her as she deserved.
Edward found himself hoping that one day, he would be just as selfless and compassionate as they were. Both of them had their demons, but they found strength in each other, and Edward wondered if one day, he would find that special someone for himself.
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Hope you enjoyed.
- E x