River's quick thinking had managed to save the group again and buy them more time. They'd found an empty room for the time being, but it wasn't guaranteed to be safe either. The room was huge and the only place they could be mildly safe in was at the center where there was a ray of light. The Doctor wanted to check the room for any malicious shadows, but his sonic refused to cooperate.
"Use mine," Renata offered him her own.
"Thank you," he took it from her but gestured her to go back to the center. "Try to catch your breath, alright?"
"Trying," she nodded with a weak smile.
"There's no lights here!" River purposely said loudly to get their attention and end their conversation. "Sunset's coming, we can't stay long. Have you found a live one?"
"It's getting harder to tell, honestly." The Doctor now used Renata's sonic but, like his, it wasn't doing much for them. "C'mon!" he waved it but it wasn't able to tell him anything.
River shook her head at him. "We're gonna need a chicken leg. Who's got a chicken leg?" she took one from Other Dave and chucked it into the shadow they were trying to examine. It was bone before it hit the floor. "OK, we've got a hot one. Watch your feet."
"They won't attack until there's enough of them, but they've got our scent now, they're coming," the Doctor handed Renata her sonic back. "Now seriously, go rest."
"I am trying," she insisted, although there was only so much she could do during a situation like this. "But I'm really scared for Gabby and Donna. We have to find them."
"I know, but...I don't…" the Doctor was so tired as he took a look around the huge room. He felt so useless not being able to do anything for them. He didn't have a lot to work with and what he did have refused to work.
Renata reached for his hands. By this time, the heat from her skin was a constant but there was no point in hiding it. "I know you're working - your head never stops working. It's kind of annoying sometimes, to be honest." The Doctor couldn't help laugh for that moment. It's not that she didn't want him to keep thinking but sometimes...sometimes peace was okay too. But he had a mouth that wouldn't stop.
"Who is he?"
River blinked when her friend questioned her. She'd been watching the Doctor and Renata without even realizing. It was horrible, really, to see him so wrapped up with that woman, to that woman. Because that's what Renata did: she wrapped people around her finger. One snap and they were at her side, asking her what she needed. "What, Dave?" she barely managed to look away.
"I said who is he?" Dave repeated his question and everyone behind him seemed to be waiting for the appropriate answer. "You haven't even told us. You just expect us to trust him."
"Well...he's the Doctor. What more can I say?"
"You could, I don't know, start with what that means?" Lux's sarcasm was still not appreciated.
"The only story you'll ever tell - if you survive him."
"You say he's your friend, but he doesn't even know who you are," Anita chimed in. "Not to mention the fact you keep arguing with that blonde woman. And the younger one with her."
River rolled her eyes. "We have history."
"So we shouldn't trust her?"
River knew the future Doctor would kill her if she ever said Renata couldn't be trusted. "I...suppose you could."
"Suppose?" Dave raised an eyebrow at her. "What's that even mean?"
River sighed in annoyance. "It means she'll help you but it doesn't make her a good person. The only difference right now is that she's never met me, so...I have to admit...that she's not as bad as she's going to get in the future. But she's a liar. And the Doctor can yell at me all he wants but I am never taking that back. I will die thinking that."
The rest of the crew only blinked at her, more questions stemming from her answers.
River sighed again and turned away from them. "Just know that you can trust the Doctor, alright? Trust him." And the Doctor and Renata were still holding hands. "How are we doing with the sonic?" she called as she joined the pair, smiling like she wasn't frustrated at all.
"Right," the Doctor let go of Renata's hands and pulled out his sonic. "I, um...it…" he turned his sonic over and over. "There's a signal coming from somewhere, interfering with it."
"Then use the red settings."
"It doesn't have a red setting."
"Well, use the dampers."
"It doesn't have dampers!"
"It will do one day. Apparently." River gave him her sonic and motioned him to get on with it, but all the Doctor did was stare at it and her. "What?"
"So some time in the future, I just give you a screwdriver?"
"Yeah, well, like I said...you tricked me," River shook her head.
"Yeah but it still doesn't make sense," Renata spoke up, much to River's dismay. "The sonic had the, uh, the golden butterflies...my butterflies. How could I make that happen?"
"You're what now?" the Doctor gave her a very sharp look.
"Butterflies," Renata shook her head. "I don't know what the hell they are but I know they're mine. They're the same ones I had in Zhe's gallery."
"Wait a minute - is that what that golden energy is!?"
"I don't know! I'm...still trying to figure all this out…"
"Can we please stop making this about you!?" River snapped at Renata, completely outraged that somehow this all went back to her. Sometimes, she really felt like screaming in the air. "You always do that!"
This time Renata was just as outraged as River. "It's not my intention!"
"Yeah, right! And I was born yesterday!"
Renata groaned in frustration and looked to the Doctor. "This is what I'm talking about! If we do this all the time, why would I ever concede to letting you use my butterflies for that sonic?"
"Good point," the Doctor had to admit. He didn't understand why River was being so rude to Renata. It was as if...she hated Renata. But why would she - why would anyone for that matter - hate Renata?
"I didn't pluck it from your cold dead hands, if that's what you're worried about!" River exclaimed. "Listen to me. You've lost your friends, you're angry, I can understand that. But there are seven people in this room still alive, focus on that."
"Can't focus when we don't know who you are," the Doctor frowned. "You're a stranger, so mind us if we have some suspicions."
"Fine, you want proof that we know each other?" River raised an eyebrow at him with the air of a challenge she was about to win. "I've got the best kind. Renata, Renée - you have so many names don't you?" Renata blinked but River was not finished. "I count at least three." She raised three fingers, unable to stop smirking when she saw Renata stiffen. "You want to hear all of them? I can start with the one on Gallifrey, before you chose your name..."
"Don't you dare," the Time Lady warned, but there was a shakiness that River heard and loved.
The Doctor's eyes flickered between Renata and River. He was fascinated yet so confused about what River was talking about.
Renata's jaw tensed. Could River know who she was for real? If she did, how would that happen? Did...did the future version of herself let that slip? Or did the future version of the Doctor tell River? Maybe the one who's with her. Because that's the vibe Renata was getting from River and all her future knowledge. The way she carried herself, the knowledge that she knew. To anyone it would seem like River was with the Doctor.
Renata closed her eyes at the thought of it. One way or another, she was telling the Doctor who she was and maybe all her fears would come true. The Doctor would be furious and throw her out of the TARDIS. Eventually, he could meet River and...
River took it one step further to really seal the truth behind her words. She leaned over to Renata's ear and whispered something. The Doctor watched the little color on Renata's face completely vanish.
Renata swallowed hard when River pulled away. Oh God. "How...?"
A smirk took over River's face. "That should leave it clear. Any questions...Doctor?"
"Don't!" Renata exclaimed fast and, to the Doctor's surprise, with fear. "I-I...I believe you. I believe you."
"Renée?" the Doctor gently touched her arm but the mere act made her scrunch her face. He swore he saw a shiny tear in the corner of her eye.
"It's fine, I'm fine..." Renata swallowed hard and took in a breath. "Doctor, please tell me you thought of something? Please?"
"I'd rather-"
"Please," she begged him, missing the way River rolled her eyes.
The Doctor didn't want to further upset her. It seemed like River had that natural talent packed down and she didn't look the least bit sorry about it. "Okay, so my screwdriver is very hard to interfere with, practically nothing's strong enough... Well, some hairdryers, but I'm working on that. So there is a very strong signal coming from somewhere, and it wasn't there before, so what's new, what's changed?"
No one had the answer.
"It would be quicker, and safer, if you just told us," Renata made a gesture for him to move on.
"Right." He gazed up at the glass dome over them, specifically a huge moon overlooking them. "Moon rise... Tell me about the moon. What's there?"
"It's not real, it was built as part of the Library. It's just a doctor moon," Lux said.
"What's a doctor moon?"
"A virus checker. It supports and maintains the main computer at the core of the planet."
The Doctor managed to turn on his sonic. "Well, still active, it's signalling, look. Someone somewhere in this Library is alive and communicating with the moon, or, possibly alive and drying their hair. No, the signal's definitely coming from the moon. I'm blocking it, but it's trying to break through…"
"Oh my God, Donna!" Renata's sudden cry pulled the Doctor's gaze from his sonic. Donna's fuzzy image stood a few feet away from them. "Doctor, it's-"
"Donna!" he beamed, but the image only lasted a few seconds. "No, no!"
"Can you do that with Gabriella!?" Renata quickly rushed to his side again, shaking his arm but stopping when she realized something. "Can I do that with my sonic!?"
"No, I don't...I'm not sure! I'm trying to find the wavelength!" the Doctor fiddled with the sonic but to no luck. "Ah, I'm being blocked."
"Um, Professor?" Anita's voice was a bit shaky, but because of the Doctor's discovery there wasn't anyone to notice.
"Just a moment," River told her.
"It's important. I have two shadows…"
Everyone froze and slowly turned to Anita. She did indeed have to shadows under her.
"OK. Helmets on, everyone. Anita, I'll get yours!" River went to collect the helmet not too far away.
"Why bother?" Anita's sour chuckle made River wince. "It didn't do Proper Dave any good."
"Just keep it together, OK?"
"Keeping it together, I'm only crying. I'm about to die, it's not an overreaction."
After giving her the helmet, the Doctor turned her visor dark.
"Oh, God, they've got inside," River thought for a second before the Doctor explained he was the reason.
"No, no, no, I just tinted her visor. Maybe they'll think they're already in there, leave her alone."
"D'you think they can be fooled like that?"
"Maybe. I don't know. It's a swarm, it's not like we chat."
"If we could then maybe we could reason with them," Renata sighed. She happened to look around and froze when she saw something interesting. "Um...Doctor, River?" she made a gesture with her hand to follow her a bit to the side. "I have to ask…"
"Here we go," she heard River mumble under her breath.
Renata's face fell flat. "You know what? You and I can both do math so tell me why I'm seeing eight people in this room...when you said there were only seven."
Both River and the Doctor went wide-eyed and quickly numbered their crew...coming up with the deadly eight.
"Hey! Who turned out the lights?" Proper Dave had finally caught up with them.
"And run!" the Doctor gave the command.
Everyone bolted from the room. They ran down wherever they could see light, eventually coming to a corridor that seemed to connect two buildings. Perhaps the other building was a little safer.
The Doctor had stopped midway down the corridor, allowing a few of the others to run past him. When Renata stopped with a questioning look, he told her, "Renée, go ahead and find a safe spot!"
She knew exactly where his thoughts were. "It's Vastha Nerada - you can't reason with them!"
"Is he trying to reason with them?" River had come back, stopping beside Renata who nodded to her question. River groaned. "You can't reason with them!"
"I just need 5 minutes!" the Doctor promised them.
"You can't…" Renata groaned. She wasn't going to waste her breath, not when she already felt so out of breath. "Oh forget it. You always do what you want - it's how you were programmed." She pointed a sharp finger his way. "You get five minutes!"
"Other Dave, stay with him, pull him out when he's too stupid to live," River said. "And I'm giving you two minutes, Doctor."
Renata rolled her eyes and followed River down the rest of the corridor. They made it into another safe room. As soon as Renata found a place to lean on, she took it. Were things supposed to be spinning?
"You know... it's funny, I keep wishing the Doctor was here," she heard River say to Anita while the former went around sonicking the shadows to make sure they were safe enough.
"The Doctor is here, isn't he?" Anita questioned, logically confused why River would act as if the man wasn't there. "He's coming back, right?"
"Yes, he is," Renata answered, having full faith that somehow the Doctor would save himself like he always did.
"I didn't mean it like that," River clarified with a sigh. "It's always a strain having to ask for help, knowing that the Doctor doesn't necessarily prioritize my messages. But at least when he comes, it's him."
"What are you talking about?" Renata sucked in a deep breath and tried to stand on her own. Her legs were a bit wobbly. "No matter what incarnation he is, it's always him."
"No," River disagreed and this time it wasn't just to spite her. "You know when you see a photograph of someone you know, but it's from years before you knew them? It's like they're not quite... finished, they're not done yet. Well... yes, the Doctor's here but not my Doctor. Now my Doctor... I've seen whole armies turn and run away. And he'd just swagger off back to his TARDIS and open the doors with a snap of his fingers. The Doctor... in the TARDIS...next stop: everywhere."
For the sake of her breath and her own feelings, Renata wouldn't even start about that possessiveness River felt.
"Spoilers!" the Doctor called from the doors, expression a bit suspicious on River. "Nobody can open a TARDIS by snapping their fingers. It doesn't work like that."
River was happy to tell him he was wrong. "It does, actually. Especially for the Doctor."
"I am the Doctor!"
"Yeah. Some day."
Renata scowled at River. "Who do you think you are to say something like that? You supposedly care so much for him but it's only when he's from your time?" River didn't answer, but there was a trace of guilt on her face when she looked away.
The Doctor wouldn't continue with that matter. Who cares if some woman didn't think of him as the Doctor - he didn't even know her! He moved over to Renata with concern. "You doing okay?"
"Yeah…" Renata answered in a mildly strained voice. "But I wouldn't mind if we wrapped this up already."
The Doctor nodded. "I promise you're going to rest tonight."
"Hey, where's other Dave?" asked Mr. Lux after noticing that only the Doctor had come in.
"Not coming, sorry…"
"Well, if they've taken him, why haven't they gotten me yet?" Anita's voice shook with fear.
"I don't know," the Doctor answered honestly. It was a mystery he wasn't very interested in solving. He would much rather get rid of the shadows. "Maybe tinting your visor's making a difference."
"It's making a difference all right. No-one's ever going to see my face again!"
"Anita," Renata made her way towards the woman, albeit on rocky feet, and offered her kindest smile. "Calm down. How about we get you something?"
"An old age would be nice. Anything you can do?"
"...working on it. Well, the Doctor is. I'm a bit on the fence myself."
"Listen, I can tell that you and Professor Song don't get along very well, but after she told you something...she whispered...you started working with her. I could do with something that will distract me. What did she say?"
Renata hated to be a downer but there was really no other way to put what River did to get her to settle down. "She basically blackmailed me." If Anita's visor wasn't dark, Renata would've seen her eyes widen. "Pretty smart, I'll give her that."
"Why would she…?"
"Because I'm not a good person, and she knows things about me that could hurt someone I love. I can't let that happen. But you, Anita, don't need to worry. You are safe with us."
"Safe?" the Doctor overheard Renata's promise, but something about it rang a different tune.
"That's what we're going to be, right?" Renata's eyes warned him to follow her lead. Anita needed some positivity here.
"Safe. You don't say saved, nobody says saved, you say safe. The data fragment! What did it say?"
"4,022 people saved. No survivors," Lux said. Like the others, he wasn't getting it.
"Nobody says 'saved'!" the Doctor shook her head. "Nutters say saved, you say safe. But you see, it didn't mean safe, it meant... it literally meant... saved!" With a beam, he dashed to the nearest information terminal to prove his point. He brought up the original scan of the 'survivors'. "See, there it is, right there! A hundred years ago, massive power surge, all the teleports going at once. Soon as the Vashta Nerada hit their hatching cycle, they attack. Someone hits the alarm, the computer tries to teleport everyone out."
River's eyes widened. "It tried to teleport 4,022 people?"
"Succeeded, pulled 'em all out, but then what? Nowhere to send them, nowhere safe in the whole Library, Vashta Nerada growing in every shadow. 4,022 people all beamed up and nowhere to go. They're stuck in the system, waiting to be sent, like emails. So what's a computer to do? What does a computer always do?"
"It saved them?"
"The Library, a whole world of books, and right at the core, the biggest hard drive in history. The index to everything ever written, backup copies of every single book. The computer saved 4,022 people the only way a computer can. It saved them to the hard drive."
"This whole time they've been saved on a computer and we've been hopelessly running around?" Renata scrunched her face.
An alarm suddenly went off, scaring everyone in the room.
'Autodestruct enabled in 20 minutes.'
River noticed something else on the terminal screen and began to panic more. "What's maximum erasure?"
"20 minutes, this planet's gonna crack like an egg," the Doctor wasn't even surprised of their bad luck streak by that point.
"No! No, it's all right, the doctor moon will stop it. It's programmed to protect CAL," Lux said, sounding very sure of it. However, only a few seconds after he said, the terminal screen went blank.
"I don't think that's going to be the case anymore," Renata presumed that was their warning this so called 'doctor moon' wouldn't working properly.
'All Library systems are permanently offline. Sorry for any inconvenience. Shortly…'
"We need to stop this, we've got to save CAL!" Lux showed an unusual amount of concern for the program.
"What is it, what is CAL?" the Doctor asked him.
"We need to get to the main computer, I'll show you!"
"It's at the core of the planet!"
"Well, then. Let's go!" River used her sonic on a particular symbol on the ground, opening a piece of it up. "Gravity platform!"
The platform brought them down to the core of the planet, but that took them 5 minutes alone.
'Help me. Please, help me.'
The group began to hear the distant cry once they arrived at the core. It was a distinct cry, however, because the voice was soft and high-pitched.
"That's a little girl's voice," Renata realized first. It made her heart pound thinking that a child was left alone in a place like this. "We've got to help her!"
Just as she was about to run, Lux grabbed hold of her arm. "Don't bother." His words almost outraged her.
The Doctor and River had gone straight for the controls of the super computer and found some interesting things.
"Doctor, these readings…" River stopped moving things around just to make sure she wasn't making a mistake.
"I know, you'd think it was... dreaming," the Doctor glanced back at Lux who still hadn't let go of Renata.
"It is dreaming...of a normal life, and a lovely Dad, and of every book ever written," he said, unusually soft for that matter. He let Renata's arm go and sighed.
"Computers don't dream," Anita told him.
'Help me. Please help me,' the same little girl continued to say from somewhere in the room.
"Not...not unless it's not just a computer?" Renata began to piece some things together and turned to Lux for the right answer. "What is it, exactly?"
"A little girl," he went to a specific control and pushed a lever to open a new door. He led them through it and waited for a Node to face then. It wore the face of a little girl, the same girl who had been asking for help.
"It's the little girl. The girl we saw in the computer," Renata whispered. She had seemed so normal...how could she be a machine?
"She's not in the computer. In a way, she is the computer," Lux began to explain. "The main command node. This is CAL."
"CAL is a child!?" the Doctor shrieked in outrage. He marched up to Lux. "A child hooked up to a mainframe? Why didn't you tell me this? I needed to know this!"
"Because she's family! CAL... Charlotte Abigail Lux. My grandfather's youngest daughter. She was dying, so he built her a library, and put her living mind inside, with a moon to watch over her, and all of human history to pass the time, any era to live in, any book to read. She loved books more than anything. He gave her them all. He asked only that she be left in peace. A secret, not a freak show."
"So that patent you were going on about...it wasn't just a patent. You were trying to protect her?" Renata nodded at the Node of the little girl.
"This is only half a life, of course. But it's forever," Lux said.
"And then the shadows came…"
'Shadows. I have to... I have to save. Have to save…'
"And she saved them. She saved everyone in the Library, folded them into her dreams and kept them safe," the Doctor managed to smile like they weren't in danger. A little girl doing the impossible.
"Then why didn't she tell us?" asked Anita.
"Because she's forgotten. She's got over 4,000 living minds chatting away inside her head, it must be like... being... well, me."
Renata's stare on him was comical if the situation wasn't so dire. "I'd love a head examination…"
"Okay, so what do we do?" River questioned urgently.
'Autodestruct in ten minutes.'
"Easy!" the Doctor exclaimed. "We beam all the people out of the data core, the computer will reset and stop the countdown. Difficult, Charlotte doesn't have enough memory space left to make the transfer. Easy! I'll hook myself up to the computer and she can borrow my memory space!"
"Difficult! It'll kill you stone dead!" River shouted at him.
"Yeah, it's easy to criticize!"
"She's right!" Renata pushed her way up to him. "Something like that will burn out both your hearts and there's no regeneration for that!"
"I'll try my hardest not to die!" he had a response for everything and he made it sound so convincing. Too bad Renata knew him perfectly well. "Honestly, it's my main thing!"
"I think not!"
"I think 'yes'! I'm right and this works!"
"No it doesn't!"
"Shut up!" he promptly covered her mouth for a moment to get the other instructions going. He locked eyes with River and before she could have her go, he started commanding. "Now listen, you and Luxy-boy, back up to the main Library. Prime any data cells you can find for maximum download, and before you say anything else, Professor, can I just mention in passing as your air, shut up!"
River looked ready to murder him. Ironically, she had the same look as Renata. "I hate you sometimes!"
Renata pushed the Doctor's hand away from her. "The second thing we can agree on for today!"
"Just do it!" the Doctor told River.
She sighed and took Lux with her. "If he dies, I'll kill him!"
"Ha! You'll have to get in line!" Renata responded to her parting words. "Cannot believe you're thinking of doing this!"
"I have to," the Doctor said matter-of-factly as he returned to work on the computer terminal.
"No, you really don't."
"Look, this is the only way the Vashta Nerada will get what they want and people get to live."
"What's going to happen to them?" Anita wondered.
"These are their forests. I'm gonna seal Charlotte inside her little world, take everybody else away. The shadows can swarm to their hearts' content!"
"So you think they're just gonna let us go?"
"Best offer they're gonna get."
"You're gonna make 'em an offer?"
"They'd better take it, cos right now, I'm finding it very hard to make any kind of offer at all. You know what…" the Doctor paused briefly to glare at the woman. "I really liked Anita. She was brave, even when she was crying, and she never gave in. And you ate her."
Renata turned to the spacesuit and looked down. She was horrified to see only one shadow underneath her. When the Doctor sonicked Anita's visor, returning it to normal, all that was left was her skeleton.
"I'm gonna let that pass. Just as long as you let them pass," he warned.
"How long have you known?" the skeleton asked.
"I counted the shadows. You only have one now. She's nearly gone. Be kind."
"These are our forests. We are not kind."
"Yeah but these people are not at fault," Renata argued. "They were here reading to their hearts' content. You had no right to kill anyone."
"I'm giving you back your forests, but you are giving me them. You are letting them go," the Doctor said a warning, not a question.
"These are our forests…" the Vashta Nerada reiterated. Renata took a step back when she saw the shadows creeping from the body. "They are our meat!"
"Don't you dare talk about them like that!" Renata balled her fists in anger. The golden energy resurfaced and glowed stronger than it had before. It seemed to ward off the shadows for a moment.
The Doctor, still, quickly yanked her back. "Don't use...whatever that is. We don't know how it affects you!"
"I really wish I knew how to control it, but this is where we are!"
"And you," the Doctor looked at the Vashta Nerada in case it got any more funny ideas about its shadows. "Do not try that again with my friend in the room. You also just killed someone I liked, that is not a safe place to stand. I'm the Doctor and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up."
It seemed to do the trick. "You have one day," the Vashta Nerada granted before the skeleton collapsed on the ground.
River yelped at the same time the bones hit the ground. "Anita!"
"I'm sorry, she's been dead a while now. I told you to go!" the Doctor made the gesture for her to leave but she shook her head at him.
"Lux can manage without me. But you can't go through with this."
"I have to!"
"No, you don't!" Renata turned to him. "You really don't! I can do it!"
"Don't be ridiculous!" the Doctor scoffed. "Better me than you!"
"NO!" Renata frantically shouted. "You can't do that! If someone's going to die tonight, it should be me!"
"Why would I ever agree to that!?"
"Because I'm already dying!" Renata's scream echoed through the room, passed the room even. It left the Doctor stunned. Even River was left to silently watch how thing would progress from here. The gold was beginning to emanate from Renata's body again, as if to prove what she was saying was true. "Look at me, Doctor. I'm contaminated - infected. I'm going to die at some point, might as well do it now where I can save thousands of people."
The Doctor stared at her in disbelief. "No...no you're...you're not going to die-"
"-yes, I am. Back in Zhe's gallery there was...there was this Ood that Gabby and I sort of connected to and it told me that I was...that I was going to die," Renata couldn't look the Doctor in the eyes as she spoke. Her lies were being released and if this is how he reacted to the smaller one, she was dead terrified of what he would do when he heard the biggest one.
"You never...you never said that..." the Doctor whispered. "Why...why didn't you say that?"
"Because there was no point in burdening you with it!"
"Burdening...Renata, we're talking about your death!"
"I know that!" Renata gasped and wrapped her arms around her stomach. "Don't touch me," she warned when she saw the Doctor's feet taking a step towards her. "The truth is it doesn't matter whether I die, so long as as you are alive. The world doesn't need a liar, it doesn't need me. Ever since the Time War ended and I regenerated into this body...I haven't been able to find peace. I try to do good but I end up doing the opposite. I build lies after lies and I'm so tired of it. Maybe this is where my peace is. My death."
"No," the Doctor fervently shook his head. "I can't let you do that. I won't. Your life is important to me. I don't want anything to happen to you because I…" He trailed off. He couldn't do that, not if he was going to die minutes later. There would be no point in telling her anything like that. "I would rather die than let you go."
Renata felt her hearts jolt. There was a bittersweetness that came with those words, but he had no idea. "Funny, you told me that once," she laughed softly, ignoring his confusion. "And you did pretty well without me for centuries. I think...you will be just fine without me a second time."
"What-"
She hated to do it, but she punched him across the face. He fell to the ground unconscious.
"I cannot believe you managed to do this twice," River said once it was just them. Renata turned her head in River's direction, finally seeing the growing fury that filled the woman's features. "How the hell do you manage to always wrap him up like this? He always thought meeting 'Zuriah' was the best thing that ever happened to him, but I know the truth. Meeting her was the worst thing the universe ever did to him."
Renata blinked the tears away that welled in her eyes. She wiped some of the loose tears that had managed to escape. "How do you know who I am? You whispered the name I used before the Naming Ceremony, how...?"
"Because I learned everything about you. I learned everything about all of you. I had to. And I saw the truth about you!"
"How…? I don't understand anything!"
"I don't expect you to. But if this is going to end the way I know it will, then I have to get everything off my chest one last time," River walked up to face Renata. Her blue eyes narrowed on Renata's. "You claim to be proper and classy and all these things that are supposed to make you a good person, but the truth is you are nothing but a liar. You saying that you're a liar is just another one of your tricks to come out looking even better than how they already see you. You always wrap people around your fingers. And I say this independently of my hatred for you. A liar is what you are."
For all the things that ran in Renata's mind, she couldn't think of what to say. Her eyes were beyond blurry with tears. No one had ever expressed that much hatred for her. She was, shamefully, pretty much liked by everyone. But the way that River looked at her - glared at her - and talked to her...she wondered what she could've possibly done to her. Had she hurt her? "River, I'm really sorry for-"
"You lied to the Doctor all those centuries ago," River said, skipping over whatever apology Renata was about to throw her way. "You played with him, broke his hearts-"
"I didn't mean to! I loved him-"
"You don't break someone's hearts the way you broke his!" River shouted in her face, frustration mixed with anger.
"I didn't have a choice!" Renata almost stomped her foot. It was so unfair but she did what she thought was right in that moment. "I had to let him go! If I ran away with him, he would've gotten hurt!"
"All lies," River's voice rose to the point that it made Renata flinch. "You chose your family and you know it. You were a coward back then, a good liar. Now fast forward to where you are now: you're still lying. You with prim clothing, your gracefulness, your sweet smile...you've been lying to the Doctor about who you are," River looked her over in clear, honest disgust. "Letting him think God knows what."
"I didn't know how to tell him," Renata weakly argued.
"No, it won't. You're just too afraid, a coward. And you know what, I may be a terrible person as well...but I was never a coward. I said what I wanted to, always."
Renata shut her eyes, letting the tears just flow now. What was the point in arguing? She was never good for arguing. "You're right. I am a coward. And I'm so terrible. So just let me die once and for all. Free yourself of me and just take care of the Doctor."
"I honestly would've thought about it," River surprised Renata with her words. "But...you're part of fixed events and those events are important," she shook her head then sucked in a deep breath. "The point is, you can't die. Not right now anyways."
"What are you-"
River used the same technique Renata had done with the Doctor. She punched the Time Lady to the floor. "And I honestly can't say that I never thought of doing that."
~ 0 ~
When the Doctor woke up, he found himself cuffed to a pillar. What's more, he saw Renata's unconscious body a few feet away from him in the same situation as him.
'Autodestruct in two minutes.'
The Doctor then spotted River sitting in a chair across from them, connecting the remaining wires to make the download. "Oh, no, no, no, no, come on, what are you doing? That's my job!"
"Oh, and I'm not allowed to have a career, I suppose?" she made a face at him then continued to work.
"Why are we handcuffed!? And what did you do to Renata!?"
"Oh nothing she didn't deserve!"
"I swear to God-"
"Oh drop it, Doctor. She's fine. In what fits."
"But you won't be if you don't get out of that chair!"
"You do care," River smiled sadly.
"This isn't funny! Stop this now, this is gonna kill you! I'd have a chance, you don't have any!"
"You wouldn't have a chance, and neither do I. I'm timing it for the end of the countdown, there'll be a blip in the command flow. That way it should improve our chances of a clean download."
"River just listen to me! Listen for one minute-"
"It's fine, Doctor, really. I get that this is...this is where I end up. Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you, the real you, the future you, I mean...I guess I should've realized why you and Renata were being so nice to me. I kept taking my jabs at Renata and she...she didn't say a lot back. And you cried - the two of you...you actually cried."
'Autodestuct in one minute.'
"Neither of you would tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. Time to come to the Library. You even gave me your screwdriver - that should've been the main clue. Renata's energy embedded into the sonic…"
"Stop this madness, I beg you!" the Doctor pleaded, pulling on his cuffs to no avail. He spotted his sonic, Renata's current sonic, and River's sonic all lying neatly over her TARDIS diary.
"There's nothing you can do."
"You can let me do this!"
"If you die here, it'll mean I've never met you."
"Time can be rewritten."
"I'd rather not," River admitted with another sad smile. "Because I'd still rather have those times than not have them at all. You'll see me again, that I can swear."
"River, just stop!"
'Autodestruct in ten, nine, eight, seven…'
River waited for the right moment and when the counter finally got to one, she plugged the last two cables and let the room burst into a white light.
~ 0 ~
"It was so crazy, Donna, I swear. I was a full blown artist!" Gabby continued rubbing her eyes just to make sure that the library wouldn't disappear into her virtual world again. "I was famous!"
Donna smiled in amusement at the girl. Seemed like her virtual world was just as good as hers. "I think it's just time to go home."
Gabby could agree there. She searched through the crowds of people trying to get home until she spotted the Doctor coming through one of the reception's threshold. "Doctor! Over here!"
He gave a small smile but both women knew it was a farce. That River woman had died and no matter how rude she was, she didn't deserve to die. Plus, they heard Renata got worse in terms of health.
"Any luck, Donna?" he asked the woman. She'd told them all about the nice man she was paired up with in her virtual word and expressed a desire to find him in the real world.
"There wasn't even anyone called Lee in the Library that day," sighed Donna. "Suppose he could have had a different name out here, but let's be honest, he wasn't real, was he?"
"Maybe not…"
"I made up the perfect man. Gorgeous, adores me, and hardly able to speak a word. What's that say about me?"
"Everything," the Doctor said, although he wasn't paying much attention. Donna still turned to him, offended. Gabby cleared her throat and nudged the man on the side. "Sorry, did I say everything? I meant to say "nothing". I was aiming for "nothing", I accidentally said "everything"."
Donna rolled her eyes. "I think we should go. Do some well to check up on Renata."
The Doctor agreed. He motioned her and Gabby to walk first then followed after them. They returned to the balustrade where they had first arrived and found Renata lingering near the railing overlooking the city.
"What are you doing out here!?" the Doctor hurried past Gabby and Donna to get to Renata. She languidly tried fighting his hands away from her. "C'mon, you need to go back into the TARDIS. Get some rest."
"I was thinking…" she drew in a breath, once again proving the Doctor right that she needed to go rest.
"You can think later!"
"No, just listen," Renata had taken River's sonic and held it between them. "She hated my guts and to be honest, I wasn't quite fond of her either, so why would I ever give her whatever energy I have?"
"I wish I knew but I don't," the Doctor shrugged. "But I do know that you need to go lie down."
"The things she said to me...I will never forget them. What if...what if we figured out a way to save her? Future you - future me if this infection doesn't kill me for good - had a lot of years to think about this. My energy, coupled with your tech…"
The Doctor's eyes flickered to the sonic in her hands. "I don't make a sonic screwdriver for just anyone."
Renata smiled softly. "Not unless you have a good reason. To protect me, to save her. I would definitely be a part of that, no matter what."
"I don't understand anything," Gabby whispered to Donna who agreed in a hum.
"Something alien, I know it," she said in the same whisper.
The Doctor took the sonic from Renata and examined it. He found a small compartment and opened it up to see the same neural relay of the crew's spacesuits. "Oh, we're good!"
"You are," Renata's smile widened.
"What have you done?" asked Donna.
"Saved her!" the Doctor exclaimed. "Now you stay right there," he pointed at Renata but then thought about it and shook his head. "Actually no, get back to the TARDIS! I'll be back in five minutes!" he planted a big kiss on her forehead then made a run for the reception again.
Renata was startled by his kiss but she ultimately smiled...until she saw Gabby's and Donna's identical smirks. "Oh shut up," Renata shook her head and started back for the TARDIS.
"C'mon, let's get back you to the TARDIS," Gabby chuckled and came to Renata to help her walk. "So, you want to tell us exactly what happened with that woman?"
"Not really," sighed Renata.
Donna came to her other side and helped her walk a bit easier. "I know she's dead but...she was very rude."
"But she said a lot of things that were very right," Renata said quietly. "And I can't fault her for anything, especially when she gave her life for me, the Doctor and everyone else."
They brought her to the TARDIS, straight for her room. Renata could not thank her stars enough that she was able to meet her cushiony bed again.
"Do you need anything?" Gabby asked her once she was settled in.
"A better personality, a better...me," Renata sighed.
"You are the best, silly," Gabby smiled at her but Renata couldn't. She grabbed her pillow and laid her head over it. Gabby exchanged a look with Donna, both understanding that something truly awful had been said to push Renata this low.
"Just...holler if you need anything, okay?" Donna told Renata, but the Time Lady didn't appear to have heard. She was staring into space.
The two women quietly left the room and were sure to close the door behind them.
"I would love to know what River said to her," Gabby said once they were in the hallway. "Nothing nice of course."
"She's from the future, she probably said something from her time," Donna theorized. "Kinda wish I could've gotten to talk to her for a bit more." Gabby shot her a look, offended on behalf of Renata. "Oh calm down. She just didn't seem to know much about me. She knew you, she knew the Doctor and Renata but...she didn't seem to know me."
"Donna, I get the feeling that River Song is going to be one whole annoying mystery," Gabby said with a sigh. She wasn't precisely looking forwards to that.
~ 0 ~
When the Doctor returned to the TARDIS, he was stunned to find out that River was right. The TARDIS could open up with a snap of a finger. After getting them off the Library for good, he thought it best to go see Renata. He was gentle when he knocked on her door. She allowed him in but didn't know it was him until he opened the door. She was curled up in her bed, hands hugging the pillow her head was resting on. She was the image of exhaustion. He wondered if she'd been able to get a small nap in-between, but he honestly doubted it.
"Did you save her?" she asked as soon as she saw him. She tried pushing herself upwards but the most she got was leaning her head against the headboard.
"We saved her," the Doctor eased her worries. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the side of her bed.
She smiled from ear to ear at the news. "Oh that's so great!"
"Your energy helped create a new image of her inside the data core. I reckon she might have a few butterflies here and there."
"Sorry," she wrinkled her nose. A parting gift for River, she supposed.
The Doctor looked at her for a long moment, eyes scanning her weary facial features. Her pale skin had yet to regain any of her original color. And he wouldn't even bother touching her to feel how hot she was. Things were getting worse. "How long have you been like this?" he finally asked her. "With the butterflies? And please be honest this time."
Renata sighed. "I'm not sure. It all started when we went to Zhe's gallery. The butterflies sort of...just popped in not too long ago."
"And that Ood's prediction?"
"That...that happened a long time ago." Renata lowered her head.
"Renata, why didn't you tell me anything? I don't...I don't understand why this keeps happening. Do you not trust me enough?"
Renata closed her eyes. "I don't know why I do half the things I do - well, actually I do. I'm terrible."
"No, you're not!"
"Yes, I really am. River was right: I'm a liar. I've been lying to you, Doctor and I'm so sorry but I'm also so scared," Renata finally confessed and truly looked the part. It disheartened the Doctor to see her so afraid. "I'm so scared that when I finally tell you the truth you'll hate me. And after what happened in King Henry's palace, I...I realized just how much I still love you." Naturally, the Doctor froze in his seat. Renata could barely look at him while she kept going. "I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm really, really sorry." Her eyes filled with tears, her breathing speeding up within seconds. "I-I didn't mean to hurt you. You have to believe that. I never wanted to hurt you but-but I'm not good at relationships."
"What are you…?" the Doctor trailed off when she reached for one of his hands. He was rather scared for that terrible ragged breathing pattern she suddenly picked up.
"If there's something you have to believe it's that I honestly thought that I was doing the best thing for both of us. It was all over, I hurt you once I didn't want to hurt you a second time. When I met you back in 1913, I wasn't in a place to tell you anything. I was trying to heal on my own, and I...I couldn't tell you. Then time passed by and I just got so scared."
"Renata, I think you need to get some rest," the Doctor patted her hands. She was talking nonsense now!
Renata smiled through her tears. "My favorite place was the observatory. We would spend hours there together. You would tell me all the places we would go to one day and then I would tell you that you were being ridiculous. Home is where we had to be." The Doctor's eyes gradually widened with her memories, she couldn't know any of those memories! "Gallifrey is where I wanted our home to be, but the stars were so tempting too. And you knew that. You always seem to know more about me than me. I was some scared coward and you were always so brave, so bold...so charming."
The Doctor's mouth opened several times without a word to use. Those memories were so vague that no one would know what she was talking about, but he did. He absolutely knew it. But it was wrong. Those things, those things she was talking about...she couldn't have known them. They weren't hers.
Fresh tears rolled down Renata's face. She lowered her gaze the longer he stared. "The first time we kissed I was so mad at you...I was mad that-that I actually really liked it."
"I'm not...how...what?" the Doctor pulled his hand out of hers.
Renata tilted her head, her smile turning into a light, short chuckle. "You named each of my freckles after a constellation. You would...you would trace your fingers over my skin, tracing each of my freckles like connect-the-dots, and I would always watch you..."
A young Zuriah laid on the floor in one of her charity's rooms. She laughed while the Doctor tried to fix the projection she recently acquired from a generous donation. "Please don't hurt yourself," she warned.
The Doctor rolled his eyes at her and smiled when he heard another giggle. He was standing on a chair trying to connect the last few wires of the projector. "I've almost got it. I think your young ones are going to like this one."
"Yeah? I thought it would be nice to give them some education while also having a little bit of fun."
The Doctor sarcastically gasped as he hopped off the chair and dusted his hands off. "Zuriah, having fun?" Zuriah rolled her eyes at him while he came to lay down next to her on the floor. "I am rubbing off on you."
"Projector, on!" Zuriah gave the instruction instead of falling into his sarcasm games. Soon as the projector caught her voice order, it dimmed the lights of the room. Oh, what should we ask it to show us?"
"Hm...projector, show us some constellations will you?"
The lights turned pitch black only to be then illuminated by the glowing forms of the constellations.
"And these are only just a few," Zuriah was breathed in awe. "Sometimes, I guess you are right. It would be nice to see some of them."
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Does it actually pain you to admit that I'm right sometimes?"
Zuriah slyly smiled at him. "Maybe."
"And I'm terrible," the Doctor shifted on his side to smile at her.
Zuriah thanked the lights were near off because right now she was blushing like mad. "Why are you looking at me? The constellations are up there," she pointed up at the ceiling.
"Actually, they're right here too," the Doctor said, confusing her as he traced a spot over her cheek. "I deem these freckles..." he gently moved his fingers over a few more freckles, "...the constellation of Cassiopeia." Zuriah playfully rolled her eyes but he kept moving his fingers over more of her freckles. "And these...these are the Orion constellation. These are the Lyra constellation..." Zuriah swallowed hard while his fingers continued to touch her face, even more so when they started to leave her cheeks and brush over her lips. The Doctor seemed to have lost his train of thought along the way, his eyes now flickering from hers to her lips.
Zuriah watched him slowly lower himself until their noses touched. She suddenly forgot all about the constellations on the ceiling, and on her face, and tilted her head up slightly to closer the space between them.
"That was the first night you realized that I really did have a lot of freckles," Renata genuinely chuckled to herself, knowing that by now the Doctor wouldn't share the same feelings towards those memories. "We kissed for hours there, watching the constellations...naming the rest of my freckles."
The Doctor was staring at her in utter shock. Those were his memories, his precious memories with...with...Zuriah. They were his. There was no way Renata could know about them. Unless...
He met Renata's gaze, her teary red eyes telling him that he wasn't wrong. But if he needed to hear it out loud, then she would do it. Renata exhaled a shaky breath. "River was right, I do have 3 names. Renata...Zuriah..." she swallowed terribly hard, almost choking as she got the last name out, "Gala. It's me. I'm the girl who made the wrong choice all those centuries ago, and I am so sorry."
The Doctor's mouth fell open in shock. There was a swirling feeling in the pit of his stomach but he had no idea what it was, at least not in the first few seconds. His mind started to flash and give him all the clues he'd neglected in the past.
The toast with sugar…
The things she seemed to know about him from before they met…
The charity work.
Even the Master had known. It was why he kidnapped Renata in the first place. He knew who she was.
"Doctor, say something please," Renata was chewing on her bottom lip while she waited for his reaction.
There were plenty of things he was thinking of, but he couldn't put them into proper sentences. He silently, and slowly, rose from the bed, and backtracked a few steps. This is why everything was so familiar. He ran his hands through his hair, beginning to exhale loudly as he paced. Everything was familiar because he'd already done it. He had already shared a version of these recent moments with her...a long, long time ago.
"Doctor?"
"No!" he pointed at her. "Absolutely not!"
"It's hard, I get it, but-"
"NO!" he shouted over her, choosing to ignore the hard flinch she gave. "I don't - this is not it! I can't have...I can't have just missed something like this!" But deep down he knew he did. From the start he'd been so drawn to Renata, even as a human! 'John Smith' had fallen for her in mere days! Even the human version of him saw it. He was naturally drawn to her and he always chalked it off to the fact she was a Time Lady.
"Doctor, I'm really sorry!" Renata tried to get up from the bed but he backtracked the steps as if she was already going for him. Hurt flashed across her face but no more than what was already on the Doctor's face.
"You were lying! This whole time!"
"I was, I was and there's..." Renata swallowed hard, "There's nothing I can do to make it better-"
"You can't!" the Doctor agreed with a harsh yell. "God, Renata - Zuriah!" He shook his head. "How could you...how could you do this to me!?"
"I didn't mean to hurt you!"
"I kissed you! I fell for you! And all this time you've just..."
Renata snapped her fingers at him, stopping whatever false idea was about to cross his mind. "No! Don't you ever think that I was playing with you! I loved you back then and I love you now! You have no idea what that kiss did to me. It reminded me why I made the choice I made on Gallifrey. Why I made the choice to tell you today. Because I love you, Doctor. I may be a terrible woman, I may be a liar and I am sorry but I do love you. And even if you hate me, I will always love you."
"You got a funny way of expressing that love," the Doctor scrunched his face with raw anger, a very familiar anger if he was being honest with himself. His mind immediately flashed to that awful night that set them apart, the night he tried so hard to forget. "I always thought that the night you refused to run away with me was the most painful moment of my life...but I was wrong. You haven't said 'no' to me again but you were doing it all over again. You were making me fall for you all over again...and in the end, what were you going to do? There's no other Time Lords to marry this time."
Renata actually felt the stab in her hearts. She 'chose' to end things with him and marry her late husband. "That one..." her voice involuntarily cut off, "You can say anything else but not that. You married somebody else too."
"BECAUSE YOU-" the Doctor started to yell again, aggressively gesturing towards her, "-DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!" Renata cried.
"YES IT IS!"
"NO! No it wasn't!" Renata gave up trying to get out of bed so she scooted herself off the headboard. "Doctor, you have to listen to me! There's something I never told you about that night!"
"Save it! You said everything you clearly wanted to that night, you shouted it at me!" the Doctor shook his head at her. "This time, I'm the one ending things. I get to leave you!"
"Doctor!" Renata called after him as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She honestly could die right there and not protest. She was thoroughly disgusted with herself that the only way to end it was to just...die. What was the point of her if all she did in life was hurt people?
Her palms were glowing again.
Author's Mote:
I mean...things sort of got away from Ren, huh? It was a pretty hard moment to write but it had to be done. And as for the bit with River...I have some plans brewing :). But I must say, it's all going downhill from here ladies and gentlemen. Fair warning that just like Midnight, I'm skipping 'Turn Left' but sort of rewriting a small piece of it to fit with this story. You'll see what I mean! It's all happening differently basically!
And since we did make it past 100 reviews - THANK YOU BY THE WAY! - I posted the sneak peak under the reviews here!
As always, I have a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.
For the reviews:
savethemadscientist: Ooooh yeah, they're going to have some interesting times together. Hmm, Gabby staying past 10? Could it be... :). I think deep down Renata's always hated herself for what she did but now with the kiss it just got heightened. She's kind of sick with herself for letting things go that far without telling the Doctor the truth, you know? She'll go into more of that in an upcoming chapter. Kinda sad moment tbh. And well...the Doctor reacted like that...think it was justifiable though. He's pretty hurt :/ I thank you for your patience though, hope the chapter was worth waiting for! (And hope you like the sneak peek too, definitely promises some funny times to come!)
afionna262: Well that happened. You might just want to take Gabby's words about River seriously: she'll be a right out mystery xD
Lady R. Joseph: Yeah so the River in this world won't be the same as the show, so...sorry? And as for Rose's return, that one was interesting to write because I legitimately had a whole idea of how it was going to do and then...something else happened. Don't know how, but it did. Still surprised lmao. You'll see! I thought it was established Rose was 19 though? Did they make the mistake then? xD. Yikes for the writers! But no worries, rant all you want! It's always nice to see what people have to say about the characters! And OF COURSE. I literally laughed each time I remembered the review was there. Too hilarious trust me! I had a wattpad eons ago but I stopped using it xD.
DarkSideofParis: Between you and me, these two chapters are always my least favorite to write because I am such a shifty writer. What I write in these two chapters describing the future (season 6 obviously) might change when I start writing season 5, creating like plot holes? (That's why I was so happy to skip these for Avalon's story tbh). But I think I have a good idea of what I want to happen between River and Renata (and maybe Gabby, spoilers!). Judging by River's attitude towards Renata, I think the Doctor thought tricking her was the only way to get her to take the sonic. But yeah, it all originates from the damn Silence, uh oh! As always, thanks for reading!
Guest: Thank youuu! Hope you liked the new chapter too!
Isabelnecessaryonabicycle: Thanks! Yeah it seems like Gabby will stay for a bit longer huh? We'll see how that goes!
Sneak Peak:
And a moment later, the Doctor heard a distant moaning. He froze, letting his eyes dart to the dark 'walls' of the so-called cave. "Er...it's not a floor, it's a…" he put his screwdriver away and prepared the best way to explain his discovery. "So…"
Renata narrowed her eyes on him. With all her thrashing, she missed the moaning. The Doctor was grateful for it because now he had a few minutes to come up with a way that wouldn't get him killed.
"What is it?" she demanded in a dangerously low tone.
"The next word is kind of a scary word." And it was a pretty scary moment for him right now. He moved closer to her, taking her sticky hands into his. "Take a moment. Get yourself in a calm place. Go 'omm'. Everybody! Omm! It's a tongue," the Doctor had swallowed very hard, almost making it so that Renata couldn't understand him. Almost.
Her dark eyebrows arched up as her eyes widened. "A...tongue?"
"Aha...a great big tongue!" He couldn't help the excitement that crossed his face for a moment. It was a tongue! They were standing on an actual tongue! When could that ever happen!?
It was that same excitement that drove Renata mad. "I'm gonna kill you!" she pushed him away. "I hope you've enjoyed your small time in that new incarnation because it's about to end!" She actually lunged on him, knocking them both to the ground. Her hands may have curled around his neck but she got a taste of the food refuse from their splash and nearly gagged on the side.
Tsk, tsk, Renata finally snaps and commits murder? Is that a possible future or not? Will the Doctor survive? Stay tuned for season 5 xD
(But on another note, I laughed SO hard when I wrote this in the actual chapter)