A/N: I hope you enjoy this the penultimate chapter, and a huge thank you to everyone who is still following and who took the time and trouble to review the last chapter … and as always thank you to Flossy for her unwavering support.

You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words and words are all I have
To take your heart away

"I been thinking"

"Oh god ... that sounds dangerous …"

"You know, you might gonna need to think about changing your bleeding scriptwriter, that one's a bit shit"

"Worked pretty well up till now"

"If you say so … you carry on believing that if it's what you want … but … you gonna listen? I'm not gonna try'n tell you if you're gonna be a smartarse"

"Oh god, this sounds serious … I'm not going to like it, am I? Go on then, I'm all ears … but only if you're not going to say you've changed your mind, I don't want to hear that"

"Why would I say that? 'n there's nothing" Got no idea what he's even talking about, never mind why he's grinning, but seems something's amusing him. Don't ask me.

"Sorry … and of course there's nothing funny … so what have you been thinking?"

"And now you sound like you're patting me on the 'ead"

"I didn't mean to, come on, tell me … what's up?"

"Abu Dhabi … have you actually done anything about it yet?"

"Nope … I can't, not until we have some firm idea about dates, but I will, just as soon as we know … I haven't forgotten…"

"Nah that's not it … I was thinking … I mean … is it something you're really hanging out to do? … cos, I'm not sure I am … I mean, it's snowing innit? Not that that's got anything to do with it, I know that, but might be we gonna have a white Christmas … bit of a bleeding shame to miss that and …anyway it's a really long way, a long time on a plane … even in first class and …"

This wasn't sounding a bit like it had when I'd rehearsed it in my head, because then it had sounded all reasonable and as if I'd given it a whole lot of proper consideration, now it just sounded like I didn't want to go and was coming out with a load of excuses. Which was sort of true, I suppose, but that didn't mean I didn't mean it.

"I been thinking I'd quite like if we could have Christmas here … not go to Bath, or nothing, don't wanna do that, but 'ere, just the two of us? We could get a tree and … 'ave a proper Christmas dinner … we never had a Christmas together, not a proper one, not just the two of us, did we? … We could shut the front door and turn the phones off and pretend we're not here if anyone comes looking … and will you please stop sighing like that and pulling faces… and say something … what do you think?"

"First class? Fuck, what happened to Business?"

"Got upgraded 'n it's well nice … the people that know say it's the only way to travel … still never mind about all that, that isn't …" By people what I actually meant was the girls in the office but I think he took me seriously about first class, there was this look of horror on his face before he very quickly masked it the way he does "Look … what do you think? I mean about us stopping here instead? And maybe going to Abu Dhabi later on …" There was still this deafening bleeding silence from him which made me think that it's possible I'd got it all wrong "Look … I'm sorry … it don't matter if you don't want to, if you'd rather do what we planned, that's okay too, I mean we can always do the Christmas thing another time …"

"What? Like Easter?" He put his head back and laughed "Of course I'm not upset … I can't think of anything I'd like more than to shut the front door and be just the two of us for Christmas … be a whole lot cheaper for a start" He had this smirk on his face when he said about the cost which if he wasn't dead careful was going to make me itch to slap it off him "I'm not sure about the white Christmas thing though … the snow probably won't last that long … or about who should cook Christmas dinner, we'll need to talk about that"

"I thought you could … or I will, make sure you get your Brocolli"

"Lovely … am I going to need it? I do hope so"

"Well as long as it's not your mum cooking the dinner … and it's good I won't have to sing carols to get you in the Christmas mood … sorry, I know how disappointed you'll be ... but if you ask me nicely, I might still do it"

"Lovely … is that a promise? … I can't think of anything I'd like more"

"You liar … 'ere … did you mean me singing or me not singing? And before you say anything you was the one who made me sing, so it was your fault me mouth was too close to your easily offended earhole, I did tell you it wasn't my best thing, but you didn't listen, too busy being the boss making me do it in front of everyone, so if it hurt your bloody lugs serves you right"

"I'm not lying … it didn't hurt my ears … much … only reminded me a tad of someone having their fingernails prised off with a screwdriver … but I loved every minute of it … this beautiful girl with the most glorious smile on her face was smiling at me … so what if she couldn't sing, no-one gave a flying fuck about that … certainly not me"

"You're still lying … I can tell …"

"No I'm not … all I wanted was to kiss you"

"Really?"

"Yup … best way to shut you up"

"You'll pay for that"

"I'm counting on it"

He had his hands folded behind his head and was stretched out laughing his bloody head off. He seemed to find something hilarious about me keep going over to the window and sticking my nose right up against the glass. I was just checking. And alright maybe I was being a bit like a kid, getting all excited over some snow like one of the little bleeders, and maybe it wasn't very mature behaviour, but you know what, I didn't give a shit. I'd been pretending not to be me all bloody week, had been play-acting that everything in my world was fine when it bloody well wasn't, it hadn't been since his mum pulled that stroke at his dad's party. It's felt like something horrible was going to happen any minute and there's been all these things to worry about, Noel maybe conking out on me as well as other stuff and to be honest I'm tired of pretending.

Charles folded the duvet back and patted the bed next to him in what I'm sure he thought was an irresistible invitation "Come on Moll … come to bed" He did that eyebrow waggling thing "You'll get cold over there"

"Yeah … in a minute I will … 'ere … what's the odds this lot will be here in the morning? Did they say on the forecast? What I really, really want is to go out in it …"

"What now? Nope … you really, really don't … it's far too fucking cold and dark to think about building a snowman tonight" He was pulling that irritated what the fuck face of his, I could see from his reflection in the window "Come on ... stop pissing about Moll, come and get into bed"

I don't know whether he saw the face I pulled because I was still looking out the window, but he definitely saw when I turned round and stuck my tongue out at him. Told you I was being mature, didn't I?

"I never said now did I? That was you … but I think that's a really good idea because then it's guaranteed I won't miss it … but you better get your clothes on first though … you're gonna freeze to bloody death if you go out like that … 'n by the way who said I was gonna build a snowman? I was thinking more of 'aving a snowball fight"

"Lovely … but tell me something, do I look like someone who wants to get out of bed and go out and play in the snow at this time of the night? … Even for you? No, don't answer that …" He was chewing at the corner of his lip "Anyway you wouldn't stand an earthly Dawesy, I'm a master snowballer, had years of practice"

"Yeah course you have … well you would, wouldn't you? Posh boy like you, except well, shame you're too old 'n too worried about getting a bit chilly to prove it … and I'll have you know that if there was an Olympic thing for lobbing snowballs I'd get the gold … bloody ace that's me"

"Oi, not so much of the old if you don't mind" He was bloody sniggering again which made me make this little promise to myself that I'd beat him if it was the last thing I ever do "Oh dear, that sounds as if you're telling me I should be worried about the competition?"

"Yeah you should … listen, I might come from east Ham where four flakes of snow are called a blizzard, where all the buses stop bleeding running … and I might never have made a snowball before either … and definitely never had a fight with one … but dunno why, I just know I'm gonna be shit hot at it"

"I'm sure you're going to be as brilliant at that as you are at everything else you do"

"Glad you noticed…"

"Of course I noticed …" He did a bit of chewing at his lip and pretended he was having a little think "It's a highly over-rated pastime you know Moll … you'll get cold, especially when it gets down your neck, and I'm not sure about rescuing you from a snowdrift at this time of night …"

"What? You reckon we gonna get enough for drifts?"

"I have no idea … all I know is that I don't want to go out and play in it right now, I'd far rather be tucked up in bed with my beautiful wife …"

"You know you're just like me Nan, don't you? She's no bloody fun either, always says it's shit and it messes with her bingo and according to her it's only good when you're warm inside and looking out"

"And I've always said your Nan is a very wise woman … she talks a great deal of sense"

"That's not what you said when she threatened to cut off your magic wizarding wand"

"My what?"

"You 'eard …" I did this little shrug, as if I thought he was being a bit dense but couldn't help giggling when I saw the look on his face "Don't you know anything at all? It's one of them euphemisms of yours … it's 'arry Potter innit?"

"I should have known … I'm a bit surprised at Harry though … stil… good to hear you think my wand is magic …" He smirked "And I thought Nan was going to part me from my bollocks, you didn't say anything else was in danger" He did this faked dramatic wince and put his hand under the duvet. I'm not sure he knew he'd done it, think it might have been his subconscious making him have a little check just to make sure it was all still where it should be.

"Her eyesight's not what it was these days …"

"Fuck …. And now please will you stop bloody laughing … it's not funny" I could see he was struggling not to join in and laugh with me "And don't you dare say anything like that to the lads will you?"

"Are you daring me? Cos you know, it'd do wonders for your reputation … nah don't thank me, you're welcome"

"Oh god, I can see their bloody faces now … and hear the sniggers, I'll never live it down …"

"What's it worth?"

"I'll think of something … listen" He swapped to using that wheedling tone of his, the one he knows makes it bloody hard for me to say no to anything "You don't really want to go out there now, do you? You'd much rather be tucked up in this nice warm bed with me, and I'd much rather not be making love to an icicle"

"Who said anything about making love … do you ever think about anything except sex?"

"When I look at you? Nope"

"I'm not sure how I'm s'posed to take that"

"Come to bed and we'll talk about it" He pulled back the duvet again and moved over a bit to make room for me as I gave in and got in the warm bit next to him to cuddle up, to be honest I was beginning to get a bit cold "Christ almighty, woman .. get your bloody hands off me, they're fucking freezing"

"Oh dear … are they? That's a shame … still ne'er mind … but you know, if you loved me, then you'd love to warm them up for me"

"And that Mrs James is blackmail"

"I know … good innit?"

He shook his head but still had the grin on his face as he tucked my hands under his armpits to get them warm and settled me close to him then began to slowly stroke all the little stray hairs back off my face. There was this little frown appeared between his eyes, you know the one he gets when he's really concentrating very hard on something, and you want to know something else? Lying in bed cuddled up against him and looking at him looking at me I really couldn't think for the life of me why I'd ever thought Noel was attractive. I mean, it's not that he's fugly or anything, everything's in the right places and that, and I got to admit his eyes are a lovely colour and not too close together or anything but he's still got a bleeding long way to go before he's even a patch on Charles. Especially when, like right now, there's this look in his eyes that's making them look almost black, and even a moody Charles when he's bloody sulking and brooding about something or other is still the only bloke that does it for me. When he looks at me like that my heart starts to pound like it's going to come right out of my chest.

"Kiss me?"

He stopped messing with my hair and just looked at me for a second without saying anything at all and my breath got a bit stuck in my throat as I waited. Didn't know what we were waiting for exactly, but there was this huge feeling of wanting and needing and I don't know what else before he leaned towards me very slowly and just brushed his lips over mine. It was a small whisper of a kiss. Actually not really a kiss at all, but then he very slowly ran just the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip and I was swamped with this huge great wave of desire for him. My breath caught in my throat as his face hovered so bloody close I could see all the tiny black specks on his jaw where his stubble was coming through but before I could even think of getting my hand up to stroke it, we were kissing like we couldn't get enough. Proper long hard kisses that went on and on and which got harder and harder and more and more frantic until I was in danger of dying from running out of oxygen. I had to stop and take a breath, my heart was bloody racing, and god knows what my pulse was doing as I felt his muscles bunch and he shifted himself slightly trying to make sure his whole weight wasn't on me. Not that I minded about being flattened, I wanted to feel every bit of him, but before I could say anything, he was back kissing me like we hadn't bloody kissed for years. I knew I should say something, I really wanted to but the longer the kissing went on, the more I couldn't bloody think of what to say. Or how to say it. My brain had stopped working. Our lips were still locked together as he slowly buried his fingers in my hair and then ran them gently down the sides of my ribs until they were resting on the skin of my waist, where they seemed to me to be resting for a bleeding long time. I began to wonder what he was waiting for and arched my back a bit, couldn't help it because I really wanted him to hurry up and do something, to move his hands a bit lower. But think that might just have been me being a bit previous, I didn't want to wait, did I? But he wouldn't let me rush him, took his time hooking his fingers in the hem of my tank and pulling it up but when he tried to get it over my head he got it all caught up and tangled in my hair. He wouldn't let me help him get it untangled though, he just pushed my hands away and then gently ran his fingers through my tangles. God, he really has got a lot more bleeding patience than I have, I would probably have tugged it off and risked yanking my hair out by the roots, but Charles would never do anything that risked hurting me, would he? He didn't pull my hair once getting the bloody thing off.

"That thing drives me fucking insane …"

"Thought you liked it…"

"I do like it … I didn't say I didn't … but it's always driven me mad … you have got no fucking idea what the sight of you in that thing does to me … especially when I know I can get to take it off"

I don't know where he got the idea that I didn't know, of course I did, why does he think I bloody well wear it? It would be easy for me to go and buy some proper pyjamas, wouldn't it? I could maybe even get some of those silky ones like I'm sure Amber wears, the sexy ones, but nothing will ever come close to the memory of wearing the same tank, alright the same sort of tank, when we were in the FOB. And the first time we ever touched, well, apart from when I did his bloody feet, which wasn't quite the same thing, it was the day I first knew he might very well have feelings for me exactly like the ones I had for him. And you know, even after everything, I know I love him to bits and that I've probably always loved him, ever since I first had that almighty bloody crush on him. Even when I kept telling myself I didn't, that I was well over him, that we were done, I knew I was lying to myself. And if he says that it's me that he loves and that he doesn't want anyone else then that's all that matters, right? Filling myself with doubts because of looking back over my shoulder all the time and thinking about things that's history, being jealous over stuff neither of us can change is just plain dumb, and if I can't trust him then I really do have to ask myself what the fuck I'm doing with him. I either love him and trust him and want to be with him or I don't. It's easy as that. And it's got fuck all to do with anything else that's going on in my life or what his bloody mother thinks or wants, has it?

He tells me all the time that he loves me, but I don't tell him anything like enough. I mean, I used to, all the time, at least I think I did, and I'm sure he knows how I feel, bloody hope he does anyway. But if he knew just how much I love him then he'd see there's no need to be jealous of anyone. I don't want anyone else.

But didn't want him to stop what he was doing either. Talking about all this shit could bloody well wait, we'd done a lot of talking lately and I just wanted him to keep on kissing my neck because he knows exactly where to kiss me to turn me into a puddle. I shifted my head about a bit so as to make it easier for him to nudge my hair out of the way and kiss round to my ear, he bloody knows what that does to me, but then I couldn't keep still. Couldn't help arching my back up towards his mouth as he kissed a trail from my collar bones slowly down to my tits and I had this huge need for him to carry on and kiss every bit of me. My nipple was achingly hard where he'd drawn it into the heat of his mouth and was flicking and teasing it with his tongue until I was squirming. He was watching my face as he moved his mouth to the other one and I sort of expected him to put his fingers where his mouth had been but he ran them down to my shorts instead and made short work of sliding them down my legs, admittedly with a bit of help, before he moved his fingers to where I was longing for them to be. I could feel how his heart was bloody racing and pounding as I stroked my fingers lightly down his back and then hooked them in the waist of those tight stretchy boxers of his, and slowly slid them down over his arse. I was very, very careful of his magic wizarding wand. I wanted him naked, wanted to feel his skin against mine and to be as close as I could bloody get. I wound my legs round his waist and then pressed myself against the rigid thickness of his erection, and heard his breathing get all ragged as he began to pant.

It wasn't the smoothest love making we've ever shared, it was too bloody fast and furious for that but when it was over I could still feel all these waves of syrupy pleasure and echoes of the tremors running through me. And I knew without him saying a word that he was in the same happy daze as we lay there without speaking. My head was on his shoulder with my hair all over his chest and his fingers twirling and smoothing my tangles, and I was filled with a huge feeling of happiness. I wished I could bottle it or something, could put all these feelings I was feeling into a box and save them up for when life got a bit shit, which it was going to, no question about that.

"You know, I sort of wish your mum didn't think I was a common little trollop, I wish she liked me a bit more" Not sure where that bloody came from, I wasn't supposed to care, was I? And liked me a bit more? What? Try liked me even a little bit, and what the fuck was I doing, talking about bloody Etta? But you know, just sometimes I find the thought of her hating me matters to me, just a bit "Maybe it's because she thinks I might be using her little boy for sex … maybe she thinks that's why I married you"

"Little boy? Lovely … one minute a magic wizarding wand and the next one it's little? And who says I'd be annoyed if you just used me for sex?"

"Not you Numptie … your mum" It was suddenly funny for some reason "You are quite good at it though … give you that"

"Quite good? … lovely … although that's better than nothing I suppose"

He was back to propping himself up on his folded arms and had this huge happy smug smirk all over his gob, he didn't need telling I was only messing and that I was really happy, because he knew.

"Listen to me Moll … my mother could not be more wrong about you or any of it if she tried, she is not living in the same world as the rest of us … just ask my dad" He still had this huge smile on his face, he seems to have forgotten just how much she pissed him off when we were there "So stop worrying about my bloody mother and what she thinks and worry about me instead"

"Worry about you … what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing … nothing at all …everything is perfect and that includes you … you know, it seems a lifetime now, but it's only a few short weeks since I believed that we were over … I thought all that was left was to arrange the divorce and that part of my life that included you was finished … and then I got here ... and I let myself in and I waited … and the second I saw you come through that door I knew that nothing had changed … that I still loved you as much as ever … I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that the minute I saw you, I knew that it doesn't matter wherever we are, if you're there with me it will always feel like home to me … home is where you are"

"Ditto"

And then without trying to work out what was the best way of telling him, of what the right words were, I just blurted it out and told him.