Faceplanting on her mattress had been the best feeling of Elissa's life.

It wasn't quite as nice as the ones she'd grown up on, or the ones Arl Eamon let them borrow at Redcliffe, but Maker, this was a close third. Perhaps it was the sleeping on rocks that had done it, or the exhaustion. It was probably both, but Elissa didn't care. It felt so good to just be at peace.

Aedan had promised the day before they would leave. They needed that much, at the very least. It wouldn't do much in the grand scheme of things, but it would give them an opportunity to relax before marching south, towards the darkspawn horde.

Elissa briefly wondered how far north the darkspawn had made it. When they'd fled Ostagar and Flemeth's hut all those months ago, the horde had been right on their heels. They hadn't really even stopped in Lothering—a few essentials had been bought, Leliana had joined them, and Sten had been freed. It had taken maybe two hours before they were heading north again.

Even with the horde still in the Wilds, darkspawn had surrounded Lothering. Random packs just roaming, looking for people to kill. Those first few days had been the worst of it. They'd gained some ground when Lothering was inevitably consumed, but they'd lost it just as quick by helping the Dalish.

How they managed to avoid the darkspawn so efficiently was a blessing. Before entering the Deep Roads, it had been at least a month since they'd last run into the creatures. Elissa wasn't foolish enough to believe that luck would continue to last. They'd wasted what was probably another month just getting here and gaining the dwarves' support. The darkspawn would've spread even further. She would be more surprised to hear the Bannorn hadn't seen the bulk of the horde yet than to hear it hadn't.

From here, Elissa knew they would be overwhelmed. There would be no more breaks, no more rest. They needed Ferelden's support before they could actually fight back, but that battle and the Landsmeet would be something else altogether. There would be people there that knew her, knew Aedan. As far as she knew, Rendon Howe himself would be there, and that alone could be reason enough for it to get ugly.

It would essentially end up as their word against Teyrn Loghain's. The only name in the country to carry more weight than theirs, and he was their enemy.

He'd already attempted to assassinate them once. Elissa didn't doubt another attempt would be made once they were right under his nose. Hopefully Eamon's name and their own would keep them safe, or else they'd really have a problem.

A knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts. It didn't matter what might happen once they'd reached Denerim if they didn't get there. Travelling south would be dangerous, and travelling past Lothering to go north would likely result in some skirmishes with the darkspawn. Worrying about getting there would probably be wiser than worrying about what would happen when they got there.

Elissa forced herself to her feet. She could feel the last few days' exertion everywhere. Her calves ached in a way she didn't even know was possible. Her feet were so sore she didn't know if they'd ever stop hurting. Walking the few feet to the door was painful enough. How the hell was she going to manage walking back to Redcliffe?

None of her was surprised to see Leliana standing on the other side of her door. She would've been equally unsurprised to see Aedan, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't say she preferred Leliana. Much of her time the last few days had been spent with Aedan and Alistair, discussing the nightmares they'd been having. Very little of it had been with Leliana. It was such a stark contrast to the way she'd spent her time since Lothering that it almost actually hurt.

Leliana practically shoved her back into the small room, kicking the door shut behind her. It was so aggressive Elissa couldn't even really keep up. The next thing she knew, she was on her bed. Leliana shoved her again, pushing her into the blanket as she climbed over her. There was an urgency to her that Elissa didn't understand, but Leliana didn't give her the chance to ask. Every confused question Elissa could've imagined was swallowed in a kiss.

It was thoughtless. Leliana smelled so clean, tasted so good, she couldn't help herself. Elissa didn't think she was nearly as...as appetizing as the bard was, but Leliana didn't seem to care. Her hands were everywhere, running over her ribs, her chest, up into her hair. The way Leliana tugged at it sent shivers down her spine.

She paused in her assault for a brief minute, allowing her forehead to rest on Elissa's. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily, but Elissa found herself wanting Leliana more than she'd ever even considered.

"I missed you too," Elissa teased.

Leliana laughed once as she relaxed into Elissa's arms. "I'm sorry."

Before sliding over, Leliana kissed her cheek, and then made herself comfortable. She ended up in a similar position to the first night they'd slept together—burrowed into Elissa's shoulder.

The first time they'd done this, Leliana had been asleep the instant Elissa had laid next to her, unconsciously worming her way over, but now it was intentional. Elissa had been terrified the first time they'd done this. She hadn't known if Leliana shared similar feelings, or even what these feelings were. She still didn't quite understand. Elissa hadn't ever been with anyone before, man or woman, sexually or otherwise. This was entirely new territory for her. Even looking at Leliana and finding her attractive was strange. When they'd first started traveling together, Elissa wouldn't let herself look at Leliana if those thoughts appeared.

Now she'd just blush and forget how to speak, so it wasn't a much better situation.

But it was good, Elissa had decided. However much Leliana had disliked her when their rocky friendship got off to a start, Elissa trusted her that it was gone. Between this spirit and Leliana, Elissa believed she might actually get her life together and be a functional human being. She still didn't know how to survive on her own very well, but this could be a good start for her.

No, not could. It would be. She was determined of it. Someday she would rid herself of Hope and be able to exist as her own person. Every feeling she had, it would be hers. Every thought would be her own, and there would be no fear of hurting those she cared for.

If lying here with Leliana would be how she spent the remainder of their time in Orzammar, Elissa would be perfectly happy with it. Leliana had put up with her shit for so long that she deserved to just lie here.

"How did we end up like this?" Elissa asked.

Leliana shifted, adjusting herself so she could look Elissa in the eye. That blue would never cease to fascinate her—she could stare into Leliana's eyes forever and Elissa wouldn't fear boredom.

"Like what?"

"Like...this," Elissa explained, gesturing to themselves.

Leliana's eyebrows knit together, and then shrugged. "Does it matter?"

The original question hadn't necessarily been one Elissa meant to say aloud. She didn't know what had changed between them to get them from their quiet dislike of the other to actual friends. Was it really possible faking it enough eventually made it real?

It must've been. Elissa couldn't ever have seen herself befriending an Orlesian. It was bred into every Fereldan to hate their western neighbors. They'd only recently been freed from Orlesian rule, so it was easy for them to hate each other rather deeply. Orlais wasn't happy Ferelden had won its independence, and Ferelden wasn't happy it had had to.

Elissa's parents had fought against Orlais just for Elissa to end up in bed with an Orlesian. It was almost...disappointing, but part of her knew her mother would've loved Leliana. She would've been a feminine influence in Elissa's life she was sorely lacking, that was for sure. Not that Elissa felt she needed that, but her mother undoubtedly did. She always had. She'd been so grateful to have one daughter.

The way Elissa practically threw that back in her face still made her uncomfortable to think about. She knew she deserved it, but it made her squirm nonetheless.

"It's just strange," Elissa admitted. "I always thought I'd end up married off to some man in the middle of nowhere, and now..."

"Now you're in bed with a woman, in the mountains?"

Elissa snorted. "Something like that."

Leliana sat up a bit, frowning. "Does it bother you?"

"No, of course not," Elissa said quickly, sensing that this was exactly how she could undo every good thing to have come from this. "I'm just... I don't know. Forget I said anything. I shouldn't have."

Leliana's expression softened. "What about you and I upsets you?"

She shook her head. "Nothing." She had to force her eyes away from Leliana's. There was no way she would be able to think and look at her. It was hard to think around Leliana to begin with. Everything about her was so damn distracting—the way she spoke, her smile, her laugh, her eyes, that little braid she stubbornly wove into her hair every morning.

"All of it is just so weird," Elissa decided. "I'm not...supposed to like women. I'm supposed to marry some random man I've never met. I'm not supposed to like Orlesians, and I like one. I'm not supposed to be here, but..."

"Are you happy here?"

Elissa swallowed. "Well, yes, but—"

"There doesn't have to be a 'but' every time we talk," Leliana said quietly. "If you're happy, why does it matter?"

"It's just not where I thought I'd be in life."

"Do you think I ever expected to be where I am now?" Leliana asked. "If you asked me ten years ago, I'd have thought I'd be attending more parties and setting fashion trends of my own. I never would have thought I would be in Ferelden of all places, helping the last of the Grey Wardens fight the darkspawn."

Elissa raised an eyebrow. "Not fashion trends with live birds in your hair, right?"

Leliana stared at her for several seconds, as if offended, and only after Elissa began looking concerned did she laugh. "No, no. I have better taste in hair styles."

Elissa made a face. "It looks like your taste is braids." She flicked the tiny thing for emphasis, and then realized her own hair was kept in a braid, albeit a much longer one. "See?"

"I have a love of the simpler things," Leliana deadpanned.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a terrible liar."

Leliana giggled, rolling her eyes, as she sat up again. "You know me so well."

"I like to think so," Elissa said confidently.

Leliana's eyebrows went up, as if surprised, and she said, "Oh? Then what am I thinking about?"

"Right now?"

"Right now."

Elissa gave her a long, hard look, but Leliana was an expert at not giving anything away. As soon as she had asked, she'd schooled her features, and her expression now was as blank as a sheet of paper.

"You got me," Elissa said. "I'm not a mind reader."

Leliana smirked. "I can give you a hint." She sat up further, so their faces were less than an inch apart. Her breath hitched in her throat as anticipation pooled in her belly. Elissa had never noticed that Leliana had freckles before, or maybe she had and she'd just forgotten, but she was getting nervous now and her thoughts were wandering and sweet Maker her lips looked so soft.

This kiss was so much better than the last, and so much worse. There was no urgency behind it, no hunger. Instead, it was gentle, sweet, loving. Leliana was just so good at this it made Elissa's heart ache. What had she done to be this lucky?

Elissa wished it lasted longer. She always did. Leliana didn't want to push too much, but Elissa could never find a way to ask her to. Every touch left her wanting more, and while Leliana appeared to want the same thing, she didn't try.

Maybe Leliana didn't want that. Elissa had never been with anyone before, so it was entirely possible she was just reading her wrong. She was always relatively clueless. Hell, she'd thought Leliana didn't truly want her like this right up until their first kiss. After all, why would she? Elissa had never given her a reason to like her. How they'd ended up together would always be a mystery.

"I think I'm going to need another hint."

Leliana rolled her eyes again, laughing. "You are so easy to please, Elissa."

"What can I say? I have a love of the simpler things."

Elissa didn't remember when repeating each other had become a joke, but Leliana thought it was as funny as she did, so she wouldn't complain. And if her dumb jokes would get her more kisses, how could she ever find anything to complain about?