"You know, I think this is my first time seeing your office. It's nice! Gotta a great view from up here," Marco glanced out my window. I was still in the process of organizing and gathering the papers on my desk. A quick check of the clock told me I had five minutes left- perfect. I'd get there just in time. Marco's head casually turned back towards me from where he was leaning up against the wall. My back straightened up and my hands clapped together.
"Ok! I think everything's in order. Now I just got to bring it to my supervisor like this," I proclaimed. My dear friend continued to watch me with ease. His shoulders relaxed a little. "I'm sorry I can't take the train home with you after your appointment, Elle. They would only let me schedule the recording booth for five o'clock." "That's ok. We take the train home all the time together and besides, it's supposed to rain later. Maybe if you're lucky, you'll miss it." "Oh, I'll be fine- rain or no rain. Don't worry about me. But I did call Noah earlier. He can't make it to campus right now, but he'll meet you at the train station back home." "You called Noah?" This made me blink. He nodded. "He'll walk you back once you get to the station."
"Awe, Marco…. You know, you guys don't have to worry about me so much. I've lived in Seoul for months by myself and nothing happened; I'm just fine on my own." He shrugged. "Yeah, but why take the chance?" "Is that why you called Noah then?" "Well, that's one of the reasons. I wanted to make sure he picked up the snacks for tonight. We're gonna watch the Rams game tonight on paper-view." Heh, I couldn't help but smile. You can take the American out of America, but you can't take the football out of the American. And they're watching it together….. I knew it was just the two of them since Lee had no interest in sports. Marco must have noticed me ogling him, since he gazed at me slightly puzzled. "What?" He inquired. My head merely shook gently from side to side. "Nothing. It's just that it's nice to see you and Noah becoming friends; that's all." This seemed to surprise Marco a little. "We are? Huh, I guess I didn't notice…. Yeah, I guess…. we are," his eyes wandered into space for a second as if he was internalizing this for the first time. My smile deepened and I turned back to the papers sprawled all over my desk. Marco perked up somewhat and came over to my side.
"Here, I'll help you," he began picking up papers here and there. "Thank you," I acknowledged without looking at him; I had to start to hurry if I didn't want to be late. I suppose we weren't paying attention to where our hands were going since seconds later, the sides of our hands bumped into each other. Marco and I each flinched as our eyes shot down to our still ajoint hands. And just like that, my heart began to pound; it pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears. Judging by Marco's expression, he was experiencing something similar.
This is one of the great paradoxes in life. You get older, you realize life isn't like some high school drama; the real world is much different than what you see on tv. And as you grow and experience more for yourself, you seem to lose all that magic surrounding you in the past. Yet still, even as an adult- when the world is such a foreign, bleak place to you now- little spirts of magic, of that anime, high school drama goodness can still occur. It happens when you least expect it, but you're suddenly reminded of all those glorious feelings you once had in your youth. That part, just like this moment now, was real once upon a time too. And with Marco of all people….
Why? I could never understand why I was left so speechless each time we touched. It never used to happen back when we were senior year. So then why now….? Or maybe I'm the one who's wrong. Maybe this has always happened and I repressed it. I pushed it down so far, and it manifested in that kiss at the end of the dance competition…
I immediately pulled my hand back and Marco followed suit. Neither of us uttered a word as I swiftly gathered the rest of my papers and shoved them into my backpack. The whole time I was blushing like a mad woman. God, what's wrong with me? Why am I acting like a love-sick high-schooler all of a sudden? I've written a master's thesis before- this should be nothing to me. I'm an adult; I'm too grown-up for this, aren't I? Aren't I? Oh god…. My heart's beating so loud, I swear Marco could hear it! My balled hand rose up to my weightless chest. Marco, equally as embarrassed as me, waited a moment before breaking the silence.
"He-….. Um…. Ah…. Hey, Elle!" Marco said a little too loudly. My spine stiffened up as my head started to spin. Oh my god….. Oh my god! Something's wrong with me! Why am I acting this way? It's not like I like Marco or anything….. "Y-Yeah?!" Oh, good going, Elle; can you sound any stupider? Marco checked from side to side, which was pointless because we were in my office and there was only the two of us anyway. But he was sure the coast was clear, the blushing Marco held up his hand my way. "You um…. wanna hold hands? I-I mean while I walk you to your supervisor's office!" Hold hands….. with Marco? I'm head's going to explode! What the hell is happening to me?! I haven't felt this way in…..
"Just try it," Marco took a step towards me. "I-I don't know. W-We're in public. What if someone sees us?" I didn't mean to sound so juvenile. I mean, it's not he's asking me to kiss him or anything! I used to hold hands with Noah all the time. Why should this feel so…. intimate? Marco's foot took another step closer. "There's no one around, so don't worry about it. It's only for a little way, and besides, what's so weird about two good friends holding hands once and a while?" "I-I guess you have a point. N-No harm in trying…" Still blushing up a storm, my hand timidly stretched out for his.
But before our palms could meet, an unexpected voice caught us off guard. "Hey, Evans! I'm heading out now; I wanted to wish you a good weekend," Song-yi stuck her head into my office. As quick as a flash, Marco and I lowered our hands. Song-yi blinked as if she noticed she'd interrupted something. Then she glanced to Marco, soaking his presence in for a second. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company," she said in Korean. "O-Oh, that's ok! We were just leaving!" I waved my hand really fast in the air. Her head spun back in my direction; her face lit up a little. "Wait, is he your boyfriend? The one Ji-yoon mentioned at the department party?!" Boy, was she getting excited now. My cheeks burned brighter, if that were even possible.
"N-No! He's not my boyfriend! He's just a friend!" I replied in Korean, though Marco caught the words "boyfriend" and "friend" in my speech. Song-yi simply glanced back at Marco a little perplexed. "Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't realize….. Well, anyway; have a good weekend, Evans." "Thanks, Song-yi. You too." Her grin widened- this kind woman. My began to fade however, when she spoke next. "Oh! Did I invite you earlier? We're having a party at my house this weekend. Pop by if you're free. All PhD candidates from the department are coming; Ji-yoon wanted to remind me to make sure you're invited." Ji-yoon…. My finger twitched at this. What is she doing? Why is she doing this to me? To torment me some more? And here I thought bullying ended when you graduated from high school. "She really likes you, Evans. You should try to be friends with her. She's so nice," the innocent, naïve Song-yi stated. I knew that wasn't true- not in the slightest- but none of our poor colleagues knew just how evil and conniving she could be. Not that I could say that to anyone here.
Marco's shoulders perked up when he heard Ji-yoon's name, but he didn't make a sound. He instead quietly watched me as I watched my friend head off. Song-yi waved at me as she left. "Come by if you can make it!" "T-Thanks, I'll see what I can do," I half-heartedly waved back. In truth, I had no intention of going to that party. But the consequent of that would be questions on Monday, since Ji-yoon already made everyone aware of my invitation by Song-yi herself. Nugh, my hands balled into frustrated fists. Why did she insist on doing this to me? Was it because I'm an easy target for her? And there's literally nothing I can do…. Damn it all.
"Elle?" Marco asked worried as I suddenly turned around and went over to the window. I stared out of it for a second, trying to calm my nerves. This was no way to go see my supervisor….. Marco didn't say anything but he didn't take his eyes off me. I heard his footsteps come up behind me. This time I didn't flinch when I felt both of his hands rest overtop my shoulders. He wasn't hugging me per se, but he stood very close to my back. I shut my eyes and he shut his, and while it was only for a moment, it still felt… Marco…. He's holding me; he's standing here with me, with both of us closing our eyes. Marco…..
I mean it when I say it only lasted a second. "Evans? What are you two doing?" Marco practically threw himself away from me and I let out a tiny screech. My supervisor, Professor Oh, was walking by my office to go to his and must have saw us inside. Gees, you'd think by our reaction, we were caught having sex or something. Marco had this look of horror on his face while I tried to straighten myself up and appear as professional as possible. "P-Professor Oh! Hello! I was just going to your office, sir!" "I was on my way too…. Uh, I'm sorry if I….." "Oh no! No, of course not, sir! I'll uh…. I'll walk to your office with you!" Both men watched me grab my backpack. I hurriedly put it on and gave Marco one last look. "S-See you later, Marco!" I know we might be acting weird but dating and physical contact are a much bigger deal in South Korea. Call it cultural differences. Marco gave me a head nod.
"Y-Yeah. See you later….. Elle."