"Hey, can I talk to you guys about something?" said Lizzy, entering the room.
Pete and Ellie were in the living room watching TV. The younger kids were already in bed.
Ellie looked up at her. "Sure honey, what's up?" she asked as she muted the TV.
Pet put down the beer he was holding and sat up.
"I was just wondering…" Lizzy started to say but fell quiet, trying to find the right words to tell them what was on her mind.
"Is something bothering you, sweetie?" asked Ellie.
"Come sit down," suggested Pete.
Lizzy hesitated for a moment before sitting down on the ottoman next to the couch. "There's something I want to ask you," she tried again. She looked down at the floor and took a deep breath. "I heard my mom is clean again. She got out of rehab a few days ago and is doing a lot better."
At this, Ellie and Pet exchanged a quick glance, unsure if they liked where the conversation was headed. As much as the Wagners wanted Lizzy to have a good relationship with her birth mom, they were worried it might upset Lizzy or the younger kids like it had the last time. An added worry was how it could also affect their adoption court date, which was fast approaching.
"Anyway," continued Lizzy. "I was just wondering if I could meet with her. Just me and her, no Juan or Lita."
The Wagners fell silent for a while. They exchanged another look, trying to guess what the other was thinking.
"Well," started Ellie. "I, uhm…"
"I just want to see how she's doing," cut in Lizzy.
"Well," started Pete. "I mean, I'm glad, we're glad she's doing a lot better…"
"Yeah! But…We just don't think that—"
"—it might be a good idea to—"
"—meeting with her right now, so close to the court date…"
"—change of circumstances…"
Both parents struggled to form a coherent sentence that Lizzy could understand. She looked from one to the other as they tried to find the right words to say.
"Don't worry, I still want you to adopt me, guys," Lizzy assured them.
At this, Pete and Ellie looked at each other again. Up until this point, Lizzy's response towards the adoption had been mostly passive. Hearing her say she wanted to be adopted by them was almost a novelty.
A silent agreement passed between them.
"Okay," they said.
...
"Hola mamá," said Lizzy as she walked in through the door.
Carla greeted her at the other side and gave her a hug.
"Hola mi princesa," she said.
Both embraced for a few seconds.
They had agreed to meet at a nearby McDonald's. Carla's caseworker, Sue, was accompanying her and sat at one of the back tables. After a lot of back and forth, Pete and Ellie had allowed Lizzy to get a ride from Kylie while they stayed at home with the younger kids.
"How are you doing?" asked Lizzy as they sat down in a booth.
"I am getting there," said Carla. "How are you doing? How are Lita and Juan?"
"Good," said Lizzy, nodding slowly.
"I wish you had brought them here today," said Carla.
"They're better off with Mom and Dad," said Lizzy, then looked up at Carla, realizing what she had just said. It had come so naturally.
Carla fell silent.
"Do you call them 'mom' and 'dad' too?" she asked.
Lizzy shrugged her shoulders. "Juan and Lita do. It's just easier to go along with it."
"I see," said Carla.
A few moments passed in uncomfortable silence.
"Escucha mi amor," Carla started saying. "I'm really sorry about… what happened last time. I couldn't, I just couldn't—"
Lizzy shook her head. "It's fine," she interrupted. "It… it's fine. Really." She took a deep breath. "I don't understand it. I will never understand it, because I never want to try drugs." This made Carla drop her gaze. "But… I can forgive you. I don't think I'm there yet, but I think I will get there, eventually." Lizzy took Carla's hands and looked at her. "Mamá, I wanted to thank you, for allowing me to fill out all those papers and file for reunification."
Carla frowned. "I don't understand, I let you down."
"I know," said Lizzy. "But… if we hadn't filled them out… or if you hadn't let me fill them out, I never would have figured out that you're not ready to be a parent yet."
"Ay mi amor, but I am your mother. I've been your mother for 15 years."
Lizzy bit back her tongue. She knew only part of that was true. Carla had been her mother in papers, but in reality, Ellie had been more of a mom in the past year than Carla had in almost 16.
"I think," Lizzy continued, "that if I hadn't gone through that, some part of me would have always clung to the possibility of being reunited with you. I don't think I would have given Ellie and Pete the chance they deserved at being Juan and Lita's parents…" a few seconds passed before she added, "at being my parents."
Carla was silent.
"I want you to know that you'll always be my birth mother," continued Lizzy. "You'll always be my first mom. And I will forgive you for what you did, just like I forgave you all those other times. But now, I'm glad you allowed me to realize that we could never be a family again."
Carla started tearing up.
"…because that forced me to start trusting Pete and Ellie, and I'm glad I did. I love you, mamá. I will always love you. But I love Pete and Ellie too. And Juan and Lita have never been happier, they adore Mom and Dad. It's great to see them so happy."
Carla wiped tears from her eyes. "I love you, mi amor, I will always love you too," she said, her voice breaking. "I'm so sorry I couldn't be the mother you needed me to be."
"It's okay, mamá," said Lizzy, smiling. "It really is. We're more than okay. We're great."