Chapter 40
She decided to wear her light yellow blouse, with puffy long sleeves and long dusty-pink skirt with matching flat shoes. The outfit made her look elegant, and made her feel confident. She needed all the help she could get. This was the first time she was about to face the world as herself. Will she be able to handle it knowing that everyone knows the truth about her? There was only one way to find out. She took a deep breath and made her way to the university.
She arrived to the lecture theatre twenty minutes before the lecture was scheduled to start. As she watched the empty chairs she wondered if she should have let someone else take her place. The thought didn't last long. She already gave her word that she would do it, and do it she will.
To her great surprise, students started arriving only five minutes later, fifteen minutes before they were supposed to. They came in quietly, taking their seats, looking at her. As she watched more and more of them come in she noticed a familiar face. Steve came, barely glanced at her as he took the seat closest to the exit. She tried to read his expression, but he had a bleak look on his face that showed no emotion of any kind. She thought back to her conversation with Sofia. Sofia spoke at length about all the things Steve did for them to ensure their safety, but she did not mention that they spoke about her at all. Malina knew then that whatever she and Steve had was over. For her daughter's safety, she promised herself she would never regret it. But, what was he doing there? If he came just for the ring, he could have called. She was prepared to give it back to him. After all, that's why it was still on her finger, ready to be given back whenever he asked for it. It's not like she was wearing it because she hoped that they could just carry on where they left off. That would be insane. She was rational and practical. She was going to face this reality like she had done many other painful realities.
"Miss." A student called and she snapped out of her thoughts.
"Yes?" Malina said smiling.
"Is it true that you are a victim of war?" The student asked.
"I am." Malina nodded. The student seem to have a confused look on his face. "You seem unconvinced?" Malina said.
"Well, Miss, it's just that…" He said pointing at her, waving his hand up and down.
"What he means Miss is that you seem too pretty to be a victim of war." A girl, two rows in front said.
Malina laughed softly. "Well, thank you. But, war doesn't spear anyone. In fact, beautiful women are a target. I was lucky. I didn't face that kind of torment. But I do have friends who did."
"Are you really going to use your own life as an example?" A student from the other side of the theatre asked.
"They have been used for a while. Yes. I will show you pictures of a mass grave where parts of my father's remains were discovered." Malina said feeling surprisingly confident.
"Parts of his remains?" Another student said.
"Yes. The mass grave my father was thrown into initially was dug up with a bulldozer and spread about. We found a few more bones in other locations, but we have not yet found his whole body."
"Is it true that your whole family was wiped out?" One student asked and others complained about asking such a question.
"No, it's alright. As I told you in your welcome pack, this is a safe zone. Here, you can say whatever you want. Thank you. I appreciate your sensitivity, but I am here knowing full well that you might have all kinds of questions and I am prepared to answer them openly, honestly and to the best of my abilities. I have one relative who is in a mental institution in Britain. She doesn't remember where she's from. And another relative in Japan who wishes she could forget her life before Japan. Apart from that, yes. My family was very unfortunate. All the members of my family were killed in one way or another. Well, my grandmother died of natural causes, but that's a complicated issue." Malina's reply was followed by sounds of shifting and heavy breathing, but no one stood up to leave.
"But, these lectures will also include our social problems?" A student asked.
"Absolutely. I am not here to gross you out." Malina smiled. "I will be asking you a lot of questions and I will expect you to give me answers. As I have said in the welcome pack, there will be no wrong answers. I do not want your opinion on another opinion, I want your opinion on the topic. You will be free to change your mind. And I expect you all to participate."
"Miss, there are no reading materials on the welcome pack. If you're going to ask us questions, shouldn't we have reading material?" A student said.
"It won't be that kind of questions." Malina smiled.
"What kind of questions will you ask?"
Malina thought for a moment. She enjoyed that the students were already engaging with her "Okay, how about you tell me what you think is the biggest social issue or perhaps conflict in America? I want your opinions."
A number of students murmured 'Blacks and whites', looking at each other, nodding.
"Blacks and whites? Alright. I am from a country where there was no slavery. We have a few black people who moved there after the war. As far as I know they're all exemplary citizens. So when you tell me 'blacks and whites' I have no idea what you mean? What is the problem?" Malina said.
"Discrimination." One student shouted.
"Injustice." Another said.
"Inequality." Yet another said.
"Ah, discrimination, injustice, inequality. Now you said words that make sense to me. I know all about that. But, I still do not know what kind of effect it has had on your society. So, I am going to need you to answer some questions for me. How about this…" Malina paced comfortably in front of a full lecture theatre. "Here's a hypothetical example. I am a white person who does not know a thing about your blacks and whites issue. I know there was slavery. I am against it, big time. But, as far as I know, that was a long time ago. So, I come here without a thought. I call black people black, because as far as I am concerned that is not an insult. How could it be? I do not pretend that I do not see colour. In fact, I think if I said that I would be insulting your intelligence. Of course I see your colour. But I do not take note of your colour. I could walk into a club, notice that everyone there is black, and I would feel nothing about it. For me, it would simply be an observation. I love to dance. Dance has been my passion since I can remember. In this club, there's music I have never heard before and people dancing in a way I've never seen before. I want to join in. I'm already going for the dance floor. I am trying to learn the moves. I'm loving it. I start talking to people and everyone seems so nice. But, the best part is that I love the way they express themselves. They have this unique way of saying things that I feel. I want to use that. I start to use the same type of language I hear those people use, because I feel it. It's creative, it's unique, it's helping me express myself. What can I expect as a reaction to my action, to the choices that I have made in this example?" Malina asked looking around the theatre at the silent students. "Silence? Is that the best I can expect from you?" Malina smiled.
"Miss, some people won't mind and some will be upset and say that you are trying to be black." One student said.
"Who do you think will come to me and say something? Those who do not mind, or those who do mind?"
"Well, those who mind. Those who have a problem with it." The student sounded uncertain.
"Exactly. We speak when there is a problem, we stay silent when we're in agreement. A question I will ask you in later lectures is how you think this effects our societies. Question number two will be how do you think I will respond and how will each of my responses effect our society. Eventually, we will go right back to the first question I asked you. I cannot wait to see if your answer changes and if it does, how will it change."
"Do you expect it will change miss?"
Malina smiled "I will now ask a question and I want you all to answer. I want to see all of you taking part, okay? Right. My whole family was killed. Do you think I am in pain that they were killed because they were Muslims, or do you think I am in pain because they are dead, that they were killed?"
Students looked at each other for a moment, the bravest among them whispering first, then others joined. Malina pushed for all the students to give her an answer. Eventually the opinion was unanimous, Malina was in pain because her family was killed.
"Correct. To me, as the victim, the reason doesn't matter all that much. It matters only indirectly, because those who killed them, killed them for that reason. So the reason only matters when I think about those who killed them. When I don't think about the criminals, I only have the pain of loss. And so far, this has been true all over the world. The fact is, criminals are on one side, victims on the other. It might be two sides of the same coin, but it is two separate sides. My job is focused on the victims. I see victims first and criminals second. Criminals are not in focus in my line of work. And what we have learned is that victims all over the world are connected, criminals are different. Perhaps you will not agree, but perhaps you will. There is only one way to find out." Malina said preparing to start the official lecture, when another question came.
"Miss, why do you do this?"
Malina took a deep breath, smiled and said "I'm here to do my part to make sure that none of you are ever victims the way that I am. I want to make sure that you start sorting out the problems so that it never escalates to a point of no return. The challenges that society has already place before you should be as big as they will ever get because we will demolish them and leave a free pathway for you to walk on and prosper, live the best life you can. This is not going to happen overnight, it might not happen at all, but I will sleep better knowing I have done the best I can to show you how and to inspire and motivate you to keep peace and fight for your own societies, for humanity, for life." Malina said. One student started clapping and soon others followed. Malina smiled and bowed the way she had done many times in her ballet recitals. "Alright, let's get the lecture on the way. Can we have the projector please?" She said.
"I'll get the lights miss." A boy from the front row said as he jumped off his seat, hoped to the switch and turned the lights off.
As the gallery played on the screen and Malina spoke about the beauty of peace and the horrors of war, Steve kept telling himself to follow Amir's advice no matter how much he just wanted to hold her. He wanted to share a life with Malina. This wasn't just a woman passing through his life, this was a woman he wanted to have and to hold, for better or worse, in heaven and hell. But he could do with rules. He needed the rules.
Malina's passion for life and human beings were undeniable in every word she spoke and every move she made. The students found themselves swept away into a world where they can do more, where they must do more, where they longed to do more. A world where every little thing mattered, yet failures were just a part of life and without them we'd never learn a thing. In this world, people were simpler in their likes and dislikes, unburdened by their inability to be perfect and to please everyone, yet perfectly happy to own up to their mistakes and offer help.
"This is only the beginning of your journey and I hope by the end of it, you will feel your society as you have never felt it before." Malina said to end the lecture.
As the students began to leave, Malina packed her things into her bag and then watches students. One by one smiled or greeted her in passing, a sign of hope that there is a brighter tomorrow. Steve sat. He did not move. He did not show any emotion. He simply sat still until the auditorium was completely empty, until he was alone with her.
As he stood up, she watched him approach her. Her heart beating fast. He stopped for a moment right in front of her. She couldn't look at him. She nervously bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes unable to settle on anything. He stretched past her, took her bag and said "We need to talk." He turned and made his way towards the exit.
She followed him, feeling relieved. 'We need to talk' was better than 'I've got your things in my car' or 'you're under arrest'.
Steve put her bag on the back seat of his car and got into the car himself. She followed.
As they drove he didn't say a word, but he glanced at her hands, as she rubbed and twisted her fingers nervously. She kept her eyes on the window. As far as she was concerned, there was no need to rush the judgement she was expecting. She was perfectly happy to enjoy the silence as long as possible. After all, who would rush to hear a harsh truth?
Steve stopped the car, got out and started walking towards the ocean. She wondered if she should stay in the car or follow him. If they need to talk, really need to, she really had to follow him, so she got out of the car and followed him to a pair of benches facing one another with nothing between them. Steve chose this place carefully so that they could talk without anything between them to act like a cover or a shelter. He wanted her to know that she's always safe with him.
As they sat facing one another she felt more confident to look at him even though he remained silent. They sat like that, in silence, facing one another for a long time. Steve wanted to see how long will she wait, how much patience will she show. And she was perfectly happy to delay the words she was certain he'll eventually speak.
It started to rain. Heavy, large drops came down generously from the heavens yet neither of them moved. They continued to sit, getting soaked.
He feared that if he doesn't speak soon that he will break. He could feel a smile rising from deep within him and forcing its way to his face.
"If we are to make a go of this…" He began.
Her face became brighter, a soft smile forming on her lips.
"…I have to know where you are at all times." He said.
"Oh!" She looked about. "What if I'm doing something that's not exactly legal? I mean, it's not like breaking rules. Well, maybe, a little, but for a really good cause."
He bent his head to hide his face so that she won't see him struggle not to laugh.
She kneeled in front of him, her hands on his legs, she pushed her head under his face and looked up "Do you promise you won't stop me?" She said, looking up at him, her head almost in his lap.
He couldn't control his laughter. Amir didn't say how hard this is going to be. She pulled her head away, still kneeling in front of him, her hands rubbing his leg as if to comfort him. How was he to explain to her that that was not comforting. She seemed so confused anyway.
He took her face in his hands, came really close "I have to know where you are at all times. I need to know that. I won't stop you. I'll help you. But I have to know. Do you understand?" He said wondering how is it that she became even more powerful kneeling in front of him than she's ever been.
"Alright." She said somewhat reluctantly.
He stood up, raising her up with him and finally putting his arms around her, locking her tightly to himself. She smiled relaxing in his embrace. Reality seemed so far away. This was something from some other universe and she was determined to enjoy it.
"Come home." He whispered as if the moment wasn't already perfect enough.
She looked up at him, unsure if she heard it right.
"Come home, now, with me. Let's just go home." He said.
She smiled.
"Is that a yes?" He asked.
"Will you let me drive?" She said.
He frowned.
"Oh, too early? Okay. Never mind. You can drive." She bit her lip.
He kissed her and said "Let's get this straight, you will never drive me. Ever."
She would have pushed for it, but it was not the right moment. So she kissed him, bit his lip and said "If that's the way it must be, fine. I accept you despite that huge flaw."
The end
Footnote: I know this sounds more like the beginning than the end of the story, but this part is already a full length novel. And anyone who has read it has noticed that I cheated at times. I mean, chapter 37 is obviously supposed to be at least 3 chapters long. This is the first time I have published the first version of a story. I am a bit nervous to read through it, but, it's been great fun and I hope you've enjoyed it.
Spoiler alert!
In case you are wondering, Steve and Malina are going to be happy and they'll have a family, and they will save many people and they will grow old together – this part is certain if I ever decide to continue the story. You do not have to wonder about this. I like it when my characters are happy.