Chapter 24: Back at the Gynecologist's

We went inside all dramatically, since we were all scared. I gravely approached the front desk.

"My name is Wind Walter, I am here for a pregnancy test," I said.

"Okay dear," said the receptionist, "could you sit down you will be called in shortly?"

"Thank you," I said monotonously and the three of us sat down in the waiting area. Everyone else was pretty calm which contrasted our collective stress. One guy was even eating salt and vinegar potato chips but at least Demongo was level-headed enough to ask for some. He dealt with stress and fear differently and smiled when the guy was generous enough to give him a handful and tell him that if he wanted more, all he needed to do was ask. Demongo shared the chips with us and we stress-snacked to try and calm our nerves, it didn't work.

I couldn't be pregnant. I'd just celebrated my 21st birthday. I worked for the Dexlabs army and though I had a steady, beefy paycheck of taros I needed it for my own college tuition, I wasn't as academically inclined as my brother and didn't have the benefit of a shitload of scholarships and grants to carry my possibly-expecting ass through school. I didn't have a house I'd been crashing at the hospital since this horrible war started. And I was spending all my time fighting Fusions and Fusion Monsters I didn't have the time to care for a baby and couldn't foist this child on my mother, I guess there was also abortion but I didn't want to do that either since I kind of liked the idea of passing on my genes and wanted a half-Wind baby in the world. Then there was adoption but have you even watched Little Orphan Annie?! I didn't want my child to have the hard-knock life, for us, its the hard-knock life, for them, 'steada treated, they get tricked, with the knowledge their mom, got down and fricked. It's the hard-knock life. How'm I gonna tell his folks, everyone'll think I'm a hard-knock ho. It's the hard-knock life, in me, he gave a real hard-knock, to me, I just wanted to have some fun, shoulda kept his wiener in my buns.

It's the hard-knock life

The door opened, Dr. Him was stanfing in it. "Ms. Walter? You can come back now."

I got up and Mom said "Hello Dr. Him! I need to have a test done too"

"Not a problem Mrs. Walter, I'll see you after I take care of your daughter, alright?"

"Yes that is fine!"

So I followed Dr. Him behind the scenes of the gynecology office, down a dark hallway there were all these big giant scary machines and I saw red eyes peeking at me from behind one. I was scared but followed him. Right before a flesh-eating monster could jump out of the shadows and devour me he gave me a plastic cup. "Here you go Ms. Walter, the bathroom is right over there, please urinate in the cup so I can test it."

"Th-thanks," I said and bolted into the bathroom, the flesh-eating monster sighed in irritation that it couldn't eat me.

I was so stressed it took half an hour for the tiniest drop of pee to come out but Dr. Him was patient (heh) and accepted my miniscule offering when I left the bathroom. He put it into his centrifuge and looked at the contents under a microscope as they spun.

"It's going to take a while for the results to come in, could you send your mother back here so I can get her sample? Then I can give you both your results when they're finished," said Dr. Him.

"Sure," I said and did as I was told as I was afraid I'd suffer the consequences from that flesh-eating monster I mentioned earlier. So Mom went and wizzed in a cup too and gave it to Dr. Him then came back out, and I asked her if she'd seen the flesh-eating monster.

"No? What monster?" she asked.

"N-Nevermind" I said, shaking in fear and turning away.

We waited for four hours my ass got numb in the chair. Demongo offered to "massage" it for me in the broom closet and I accepted, we asked for protection at the front desk first just in case I wasn't pregnant because I didn't want to be! So after buckin' and truckin' for half an hour we came back just in time for Dr. Him to reenter the waiting room with a big smile on his face and a report in his claw.

"Ms. & Mrs. Walter, I have your reports right here!" he said happily. "Will you both kindly join me in my office?"

We got up and followed him, my Mom was jolly as usual, but I was a nervous wreck. Demongo came was me and squeezed my shoulder to offer some comfort. We entered Dr. Him's office - the same one where he'd broken the news to my about my chlamydia - and smiled at me.

"Ms. Walter," he said, "you are not pregnant. No need to worry, just be more careful next time to avoid scares."

"Yes!' I cheered, pumping my fists in the air. "My uterus is vacant!"

"On the other claw," he said, turning to my Mom, "Mrs. Walter, you are expecting a child! Congratulations!"

"WHAT THE FOCK?!" I screamed, and looked at my mom in shock. "MOM! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Oh wow!" Mom said joyfully. "I'm going to be a mom for the fourth time!"

"You're almost a month along, so it will be a while before you meet your new child, but what I found most interesting was the chemicals in your urine."

"What about them?" Mom asked.

"Normally a pregnancy test checks for hCG, or human chorionic gonadotropin, a hormone found in the gonads after having productive sex. While I did find hCG, I also found another hromone typically found in a certain geographical range of demon... specifically, Japanese demons."

"Wh-What are you saying?!" Dempongo asked, shaking violently in his seat, fear clear on his face.

Dr. Him smiled smugly, and leaned across his desk to hiss at him from between his teeth, "It means... you're the father of Mrs. Walter's baby, Demongo."