We'll be okay
Narcissa had been out of the hospital wing for a full three days before she was summoned to speak to Professor McGonagall. It hadn't been much of a surprise; she had been expecting it the entire time she'd been sitting in that bed, counting the tiles on the ceiling.
"James," she hissed, seeing him lurking around the entrance to the dungeons for no reason. Or rather some prank related reason. "Has Professor McGonagall asked to speak to you as well?"
"Yeah, sixth period?"
"No, I'm talking to her after Potions."
"Ah, standard divide and conquer. She's tried that with Sirius and me in the past, but now I think she prefers just to yell at us both at the same time and get it over with. One week I swear she lost her voice because of us." Personally, Narcissa was just impressed the head of Gryffindor hadn't lost her sanity dealing with those two. It certainly would have made life easier now.
"Great. I'll let you know what she says."
"There's no need, I imagine it will be something along the lines of acting responsibly, actions have consequences, blah blah blah."
Narcissa just fixed him with an even stare. "I can see you're not worried about it." Although in all fairness, he did get these talks more than Narcissa did.
James reached over to her, "It'll be fine Narcissa, you've already been through hell. What's one more lecture now?" It was a fair point. But it was frustrating that things couldn't just go back to normal even if she wasn't sure what hat really meant anymore.
"What are you doing here anyway?" She had missed him at breakfast, and James never went without food unless there was a good reason. "You look ridiculously suspicious."
"Nothing, just some casual reconnaissance." He said, pulling an apple out his pocket. As if that made it more normal that he was lurking around. "We still on for tonight?"
"Sure," she smiled. She still felt empty most of the time, but when James was there, she felt a little lighter.
"Miss Black, please take a seat." Professor McGonagall stated as Narcisa made her way into the office. It was certainly different from Professor Slughorn's; feeling slightly more like the academic office it was, rather than a jazz lounge. She didn't imagine McGonagall would offer her a casual butterbeer either, shame. It really would have calmed her nerves.
"Thanks professor," No comfortable armchairs either, just plain old desk chairs. Narcissa didn't know why she was focusing so much on the décor, just that it was easier to think about than whatever was coming next.
"How are you feeling Narcissa?"
"I'm alright Professor. I'm not in pain anymore."
"I don't mean just physically, Narcissa. How are you feeling in general? If you need to speak to someone about what happened, I am here. As is Professor Slughorn, if you would feel more comfortable with your head of house." Not likely, Narcissa could only imagine that Slughorn had already decided against having this talk with her himself and passed it over to McGonagall.
"No, honestly I'm fine professor. I've had time to process everything, and I've got people around me to talk to." Luckily, the older women didn't press Narcissa about who those people actually were. Although the look on her face suggested she didn't believe Narcissa entirely.
"Narcissa I also…" McGonagall paused, almost trying to sort out her own words. "I would have expected most parents to provide their children with a basic understanding of contraception." Oh God no "However, I understand that with the stricter pureblood families there is the expectation that you wait until you are married -"
"Professor let me stop you." Please let her stop. "I know all about contraception, James and I are usually always careful. It was just the one time that we forgot and well…you know."
"Always?" That may have been the wrong thing to say. "How many -no, Where- no. I don't want to know. I have arranged for contraceptive potions to be made available to you in the hospital wing, to minimise the chance of another pregnancy. That is not to say I am condoning anything. You are both underage, and I doubt either of you are emotionally ready to handle being in a sexual relationship. If you are caught in school grounds, you will both be punished, and your parents will be informed. Do I make myself clear?" Narcissa wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she could swear her teacher's accent was becoming more Scottish with every word.
"Yes Professor," Narcissa agreed, "but I thought parental permission was needed to get those potions?" And there was no way her parents would give that. If they had an inkling of what had happened, they would remove her from school before the week was out.
"Usually it is, however, under these circumstances I have authorised it. Honestly, I expected to be giving your sister, or Sirius, this talk but never you Narcissa. You always seemed to be the more sensible one in your family."
"You knew about Bella's abortion?" Narcissa asked before she could stop herself. And from the look on her teacher's face, she did not.
"I…no, that I did not know about." Professor McGonagall replied, massaging her temples in what seemed to be exasperation. "Your sister managed to make her way through half the pure blood students in Hogwarts, and one defence against the dark arts teacher. I don't' know why I'm surprised. All I meant was, do not follow Bellatrix's example. You should wait until you are both ready before having sex. That way, if you do find yourself pregnant it would not be a crisis, but rather a celebration. One you can tell both celebrate and tell your families about."
"I understand professor." Narcissa found herself agreeing quietly. The more she agreed, the faster this conversation would be over for both of them. "But I wouldn't have called it a crisis." Not now anyway.
Something in her teachers face twitched. Although whether out of surprise or irritation Narcissa wasn't sure. "Was it planned? I know James didn't plan it, but were you hoping this would be your escape? That he would marry you?" Professor McGonagall asked the last question quietly, trying to avoid accusing Narcissa of anything, but she still bristled at the suggestion.
"No! Or course not. I'm not stupid, I wouldn't want someone to marry me just because I was pregnant. And I certainly didn't want to be pregnant while I was still at school. I just wouldn't call it a crisis when my baby's blood is barely dry because Hogwarts can't protect its students from would-be death eaters." So much for keeping this conversation short.
"You're right." She was? "I'm sorry Narcissa, that was insensitive of me. I didn't mean to…I am sorry."
Narcissa nodded her understanding. Not trusting herself to say anything else. "I'll make sure to take the potions though. If that was why you asked me here professor."
Professor McGonagall seemed to be deciding how to respond to Narcissa, before finally nodding her agreement. "Thank you Narcissa. And again, if you need to speak with anyone, I am available."
Narcissa couldn't think of anything more awkward. But nodded her assent before fleeing from the office.
James peered around the door to Professor McGonagall's office, hoping she wasn't in. But of course she was. She was always in, James sighed.
"Afternoon Professor," he said as cheerfully as possible, going for an air of nonchalance that was completely at war with how James really felt. One look at his teacher's face and he knew he should have tried a different tactic. "You summoned me?"
"How long have you and Narcissa Black been sneaking around the school together?"
"Eh…not long," he lied before remembering last Christmas. "I mean, we've been seeing each other for a while but not…you know."
"Having sex?" Professor McGonagall said drily. "If you're not mature enough to say the word, I really don't think you're mature enough to actually be having sex." Which James felt was unfair. He was fine saying it with his friends. It was just weird in front of his head of house.
"Fine. We've not been having sex for that long. We wanted to wait until we were ready."
"James you are usually a better liar than this." He was.
"I'm not -"
"Narcissa has already let slip that this has been going on for some time." Dammit, he really should have spoken to Narcissa during the day. He just hadn't managed to catch up with her. Without allowing James to respond, Professor McGonagall continued. "I have spoken to Miss Black about birth control, do I have to give you the same talk?"
"No!" He insisted before she could say anything else. "I know all about birth control, the pregnancy was unplanned, but I will be more careful in the future. That is, outside of school of course."
"Of course. Because let me clear James, if I have to have Mr Filch watching the Gryffindor portrait all night to ensure that you are not sneaking about this school with Narcissa Black, I will."
That actually wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, he could just sleep in the room of requirement, and then he would know where Filch was at all times. He could just imagine the pranks he could pull, if he wasn't constantly on the lookout. "Whatever you think is necessary, Professor."
The Gryffindor head eyed him suspiciously, "Whilst I have no objection to the two of you being in a relationship, if you are caught with Narcissa in an intimate situation, both of your parents will be informed. And if they frog march you down a wedding aisle because you are irresponsible enough to get that girl pregnant again, I will not object." Hell, she would probably join his mother in marching him down the aisle.
"I understand Professor," he replied glumly. "And just for clarification, will Filch be waiting outside the common room?"
"I suggest you not find out," Professor McGonagall replied in clipped tones. Which was fair enough, James supposed, and he always had the invisibility cloak.
"So how was it?" James asked Narcissa as she made her way into the room of requirement. The room was decked out rather like his dining room back home, only smaller. James was pleased with himself that he had even remembered to bring food this time. Gamp's law of…whatever it was called wouldn't stop him this time.
"My week was fine, it was good to be out and actually getting to go to classes again."
"Nah, I meant the meeting with McGonagall, she try and give you a lecture on birth control as well?"
"Yes," Narcissa replied, reaching over for the food that James had piled onto the table. "It was awful, although this food is amazing did you steal it from the kitchens again?"
"I didn't steal it, they gave it to me, so what did she say?" He asked, as Narcissa attempted to pile more food into her mouth. "And why are you so hungry?"
"I barely ate last week so I'm constantly hungry now. And…she just wanted to make sure I was okay, tried to lecture me on contraceptives. I'm sure it was the same as what she said to you."
"I'm not sure," James replied. "I genuinely thought she was going to kill me for a moment, she threatened to have Filch posted outside the Gryffindor common rooms to make sure I wasn't sneaking around."
"Wait, she didn't, did she? Because if they get a sniff of this place, we've had it."
"Nah, it's fine. I enchanted some fanged frisbees this morning and he's still chasing them around."
"Ah, yes. Because nothing screams distraction like some flying fanged frisbees."
It was a relatively simple distraction, to be honest he had outgrown pranks like that, but all he had needed was to keep Filch busy. "Who doesn't love a fanged frisbee?"
"You mean besides Filch?" Narcissa laughed, "I mean I've never been all that fond of them either."
"It's hard to believe you are Sirius are related sometimes."
"You mean we don't look alike?"
"Well you both have the same exasperated face sometimes." He teased her. But her silver blonde hair meant that Narcissa stood out amongst her relatives.
"That's obviously just the effect you have on people Potter."
"Obviously," James replied as he continued to watch Narcissa scoff down half the food on offer. Mind you, he would probably have been the same if he was stuck in the hospital wing for over a week. "But your meeting? It was okay apart from that?"
Another family trait appeared as Narcissa rolled her eyes at him. "It was fine. She said a couple of things and I ended up snapping at her, after that I think she wasn't sure what to say."
James had never seen his head of house at a loss for words ever. Well maybe once or twice when he and Sirius were caught in the middle of some poorly thought out plan but that was usually out of sheer anger. Once she got started again it usually meant he and Sirius were in big trouble.
"What did you snap at her for?" He asked, trying not to sound impressed.
"I – she called the baby a crisis. As if I should have been happy that the crises had been averted. I told her I disagreed. Anyway, I don't want to talk about it."
"She wouldn't have meant anything by it Cissa. I think…I think they would have helped us if we had needed it." He said reaching out to Narcissa, but she pulled away. Eating another chocolate strawberry, as if it was going out of fashion.
"I said I don't want to talk about. Don't want to think about. Let's just enjoy this fabulous food." She replied, not meeting James' eyes. James still wanted to talk, but he knew that it was different for Narcissa. She had had weeks sitting alone and thinking about everything. No wonder she would rather talk about the food.
"I do. Not necessarily right now, but when you're ready I would like to talk about it. I…I'm struggling with it as well." And he was. As much as James aimed for a relaxed nonchalance in his everyday life, things had felt different since the miscarriage. He still didn't feel like he had much of a right to grieve, the same way Narcissa was. But he would have liked to try and talk to her about it.
Narcissa fixed him with a look, finally meeting his eyes. "One day. Just not now, please James."
"It could have been worse. Imagine Slughorn giving you a talk on contraceptives."
"God could you imagine? He'd probably just hand me some potions and shoo me out his office. It might actually have easier." Narcissa smiled, "I still don't understand what qualifies a teacher to be head of house, because the only thing I would go to Slughorn for, is an extra case of butterbeer."
"McGonagall isn't too bad. Except on the butterbeer front. And the detention front. She could really loosen up a bit on the pranks as well." James joked, as Narcissa threw a strawberry at him.
"Come off it, she loves you and Sirius. Anyone else would've been expelled for some of the crap you've both pulled."
"True. Or she did," James admitted, thinking back to the last couple of weeks. "But I think that whole business with Snape might've spoiled our positive working relationship." Not to mention the pregnancy, which they were not talking about.
"He deserved it."
"I doubt our teachers agree with you there." He replied jokingly, but he saw a shadow cross Narcissa's face, thinking about what Snape had done. It was difficult, keeping the conversation light, when so many topics were still so loaded. And yet in some ways it was nice, just to sit there and eat together. Not for the night to devolve into something physical, as it had so many times in the past. He reached out to her, "We'll be okay. You know that, right?"