CHAPTER 35 - One's weakness

When she woke Kal was alone, lying on her side in the same space she had been the night before. A throbbing headache made itself known. She pinched the bridge of her nose, recalling this was his space. She remembered little after Legolas had hedged her to lie down and rest once her body regained itself. She then felt him carefully wrapping himself around her and had welcomed his soothing warmth. Kal still heard his whispered words, uncoiling the remnants of turmoil and doubt from around her center, then the steady pressure of a warm palm splayed across her middle. She had fallen asleep in the end, huddled against him.

Her mind clearing with each moment, Kal rose into a sitting position. Apart from the wrecking intrusion on her spirit which had happened once again while they opened to each other, Kal felt a novel mixture of fear and anticipation. Her thought strayed to all that had happened between them the day before. All that had changed between them, though for better or worse, she was yet unsure. He was different ever since, in the way he looked at her, in the way he spoke, the way he touched her.

But as she ran her palms over her face, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes - which, surprisingly, had been rather dreamless and uneventful after the intrusion - the half-orc pondered on what she had heard and felt. What would Legolas be lying to her about, of all beings? In passing realization Kal thought of how she trusted him more than anyone she knew. He truly did not appear one inclined towards falsehoods, but the surety with which the voice had repeated its ominous warning had left its mark on her. And why should I trust it? It could very well be nothing but the wraiths of her past, recoiling and uprising with the deep, all too recent changes in her mind and spirit. She had been, and felt, alone before. Not so now. But it all seemed to happen whenever they opened to each other. What did the one, desperately insistent direction mean? What could possibly be urging her ever downward and why? Was it even a place? None of this had plagued her in such specific ways, not until after setting foot on this isle.

Legolas had wanted to seek Arwen after Kal regained some of herself but she had refused, instead pleading repeatedly with him to stay. And so he did, to her greatest relief. Just as Kal was wondering where he was, the door to the chamber opened to reveal the subject of her thoughts followed closely by Eron. The elf closed the door carefully behind him as their eyes met, and crossed the space between them bearing a wooden bowl. She observed his limp was somewhat reduced, and he had already rescinded resorting to a crutch. Despite the shades under her eyes and overall weariness of mind, her chest felt tight at the sight of him.

The elf allowed Eron his greeting while the wolf wasted no time pouring its affection onto Kal by way of licks, tail swishes, and low mewling, drowning her in wild softness. Her face lit as Kal received the display with open arms, which she then heartily flung around her furry companion.

"I took him along when I left," Legolas knelt and placed the bowl beside Kal near the pallet. The elf looked Kal over with mild concern yet etched on his face. "This is to eat," he pointed to the contents of the bowl, a selection of dried red berries. "How do you feel?"

"Not too damaged," she offered lightly, though the shadow in his eyes never lifted. He did not believe her. Kal did not know it as much as she felt he did not. Peculiar. Kal reached over the playful darting head of the wolf and cupped his drawn cheek, her smile wider when the elf closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. "I should wish to journey to those warm pools you showed me, today," Kal said. Following this, she aimed to find Arwen herself, and see what aid was needed with the work of the day. Then she added, a dash too swiftly for her liking, "Join me?"

Legolas placed his own hand over hers, pressing her fingers into his skin. "I will go see my brother," he began even as Kal reached for him with her other hand, smoothing his unbound hair back from his face. It was a compulsion she could barely now restrain. Touching him. "But we could meet there later if you remember the way?"

"I do," Kal dropped her hands from his face and lowered her eyes to Eron, whose cold wet nose demanded continuous attention. She looked back to the elf. Should she tell him of it? Of the words? Of the command churning in her head with near every beat? The answer clawed at her.

I cannot. Not yet. What if it awoke doubts in him? Not only concerning herself but her newfound allegiance and change of heart. What if both he and others would think her irreparably darkened with the taint of their foe? Kal wanted to leave the past behind her. She wanted to forget the wails of beaten slaves, the ruthless subsistence reducing beings to desperate animals. The yells echoing off reddened dungeon walls splattered with blood and entrails. She wanted to forget her old self, fearful and ruthless and unknowing of anything beyond her own need for survival. She wanted him to become a mere forgotten whisper on a sad day. The half-orc who once knew nothing but the industries of Mordor did want to attempt at a new, changed life. And she wanted this elf in it. She met his eyes again, and swallowed seeing that Legolas had been silently studying her.

"It keeps happening when we join our minds," the elf said, his features changed, the worry he was smothering brimming to the fore. "I do not know why, but you appear to be most vulnerable then. It is best we do not attempt it again," he concluded regretfully, reaching for her hand. "Was this different from your nightmares?" Legolas then asked with concern. Of course, he recalled her turbulent nights and wails during their trek through Ithilien. He remembered what he had seen during one specific time when he tried to bereave Kal of her nightly fright.

Kal gave a silent nod, averting her gaze. If this was all he asked of it all, she would concede gladly.

"Kal," Legolas hedged, his gaze set on how his thumb ran circles into her palm.

Kal kept her eyes on the wolf.

"Was there anything else?"

"Anything else?" Kal mouthed absently, her limbs tensing as for battle with her unease. She willed herself into clarity.

If he noticed, Legolas said nothing. "I know how it is to wish to bury something deep enough until it ceases to hurt," his thumb reached the inside of her wrist, "And I understand if you would rather not speak of it-"

"No, elf-" she shook her head.

"-And I will not press you," Legolas continued undeterred, "But please know there is nothing that would change mine or anyone else's regard of you. Less so my feelings," he added honestly.

Kal swallowed, yet unable to look his way. She wanted to reach for him, wanted him to hold her as before, to still and steady her. Kal pulled her wrist away, afraid he would feel her agitation with his uncanny ability to read unspoken signs.

"I only hope, you can find it in yourself to believe me," Legolas added, wanting so much for her to see this. Though worried at her reckless boldness, she had played an integral role in saving his own life. A feat unasked for, but his gratefulness now knew no bounds. He would not trade his life presently for any and all of the healing rest in the realm of Mandos. Not now, with her in it. He reached and ran his fingers through her black disheveled hair. It was rather soft, its fragrance reminiscent of wild forests of the old world, but still distinctly her. He would know it anywhere.

Her features were schooled into a faint smile when Kal looked his way again. "I believe you, Legolas," she lied.

His insides turned to lead, but the elf returned her smile when he felt her warm hands placed atop his.

"I do," Kal repeated firmly. More than anything, she wanted to.

It was midday by the time Kal reached the pools, the ones Legolas had explained sprung from the depths of the earth and were ever warm. She recalled there were two valleys close to one another lined by these rare wonders of nature, but Kal could not remember the specifics of what Legolas had said about them. Still wearing his tunic she walked forward with her own garment under her arm. Regarding the view before her, Kal saw flat land surrounded by high rock formations and sparsely bedecked with trees. The wolf had gone to appease its own curiosity, running and heading back and forth in their close surroundings.

Kal turned her head up to regard the grey skies, then approached one of the pools. When she reached the edge Kal removed her boots and watched the clean gurgling water for a moment before dipping one foot inside. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced, the warm murmur gushing at her skin. She removed her tunic and then her lower layer of clothing, and carefully stepped into the water with a sigh of relief. The tension and pressure inside her chest eased, and her mind, wearied by the recent strain, began to unwind. She let her head fall back to rest against the edge, sighing deeply. Her body felt light as air and floated with the warm swaying currents beneath her.

Kal shut her eyes, thinking back to the previous day. To all that had changed between them. Whatever had passed between them when his lips found hers, Kal knew it was a precipice they had both leaped from, and there was no returning to how things were before. She had seen little of this in the Black Land and knew even less, apart from stolen touches she had witnessed and sounds she had heard at times from slaves on certain nights in the barracks or on the open fields, when in the sparse time allowed for rest humans would disappear together to pursue their bodily needs. Children would at times come of it, and in Mordor, those had been the most unfortunate. But this was not the same. It was more, much more, running stronger than she could ever have imagined, exposing deeper, unrevealed parts of herself. It was frightening, but mostly it was incredibly elating.

Kal felt him before she saw him. She opened her eyes to his fair face, saw him descending to her side as Kal sat with her elbows propped against the edge, facing the pool. She felt a light hand on her head by way of greeting. The bubbling waters tickled her shoulders, and Kal watched him remove his own boots and roll up his trousers to his knees. He sat down on the edge beside Kal, one knee to his chest, submerging his uninjured leg into the pool.

"You found it," the elf smiled turning to look down at her, and there may have been mischief in his eyes but she was not sure.

"I did," Kal met his grey stare.

"However," Legolas continued, "these are the pools which the men make use of," he said, appearing amused.

Kal frowned, but then recalled him mentioning this before. She had forgotten the details. "Only the men? Why?"

The elf leaned back and propped himself on his arms, admiring the sight of her. "Many races coexist here, as you have seen," he began. "There are fewer of our kind dwelling here than there are humans for instance," Legolas explained. "And elves do not adhere to the division between males and females in this manner. Humans however or indeed other races see it differently." He smirked. "They hold to what some would call 'propriety'."

"Propriety... it is hard on the ears," Kal snorted.

Legolas grinned wider despite it all, leaning forward and running a light hand over her damp head of hair. "Well, you boast an endearing lack of it. But others may not see it as such. Humans do not reveal themselves so freely."

"Then I will try not to offend them," Kal smiled his way, her heart hammering anew when the elf leaned even closer to her.

"At least," Legolas caught a brief sight of their surroundings before meeting her eyes again, "there will be no one here for a while," he assured.

Kal felt very warm all of a sudden, the blues and greys in his eyes weakening her. "Do it again," she rose closer to his face.

The elf raised an eyebrow, but the way her eyes flickered to his mouth answered his unspoken question. He took her face in his palms. "You wish for me to kiss you," his thumb ran over her lower lip.

"If that is what you call it," Kal barely finished before she felt him, warm and fresh against her lips. Pleasure rippled through her in languid waves, mellowing her chest, warming her womb, her limbs.

When he broke away to look at her Kal found it the hardest task to open her eyes. "You never used to do this," she slurred dazedly.

His fingers feathered along her neck, following the curve of her bare shoulder. "I was proud, and blind... dwelling on the scars of my past. And I was afraid," he admitted.

"Afraid? You?" she teased. Kal then moved closer, resting with her elbows on his knee, her chest flattening against his leg.

The elf nodded, his finger distractedly drawing circular shapes along her shoulder. "This happens once, for us," Legolas supplied. "I know my behavior towards you has at times been... abrupt, to say the least-"

"Why are you telling me this?" Kal reached for a strand of silvery hair. Its softness soothed.

"Because I need you to know, Kal," the elf said fervently. "That is not how one treats others, and I was sorely lacking... towards you."

Kal pressed herself more into him. The black centers of his eyes had become so wide they nearly consumed the greys. "I affect you," she teased, and a grin slowly lit her face. There was that dainty color again, spread so pleasingly across his usually cold features.

"Oh yes," the elf admitted, leaning forward and keenly feeling her skin burning against his leg despite the material. He was... happy, to see her smiling? For the life of him, Legolas could not remember a time he had been truly happy or anywhere close to such, after the War. It was ludicrous how the simplest things about her now caused a gale of feelings he could barely contain.

"And you are different now," Kal began sliding her palm along his leg.

"Maybe," Legolas offered quietly, following how her hand moved over him. "But so are you," he leaned forward.

Kal smiled when his scent was so near she was drowning in it, and closed her eyes with the feel of him on her lips.

"But I do not like it," Kal broke away from him. "This... weakness," she looked to her hands. "It makes..." she hesitated when meeting his eyes. "It makes me think of you too often, and in strange ways."

Legolas melted against her with a sigh, pressing his cheek to hers. "It is no weakness," the elf whispered into her hair before meeting her gaze. "Not if we are together."

"You said it happens once, for your... our kind?" Kal returned to his previous intriguing words.

Legolas nodded. "We do seek companionship generally, not unlike humans, or many other races for that matter."

"Companionship," Kal smiled, lowering herself to rest with her head on his knee. She stared upward at him. Who knew that after all they lived through, this creature would become so rooted in her life that she could not imagine her days without him?

"Yes," his hand went to the back of her neck. "To... to live and thrive, together. Before, it used to be the natural order of things."

"But not for you," she surmised, "since you had no one."

"You are too sharp for your own good, rhaweth."

"What does that mean?"

"When you learn my language, you will know."

Kal huffed. "I have barely found how similar we are and you pile impossible tasks on me."

"I will be there to aid you-," but he ceased, as though a shadow marred his thought.

"Do I have your word?" Kal asked swiftly, rising from the water with her arms on either side of him even as the elf drew her closer by instinct. Legolas fell onto his back still holding her to him. His blood was boiling.

"...that you will be here, and sit with me by the sea, and teach me your language?" Kal asked.

"Kal..." Kal felt his grasp on her tighten. "Of course I will be here, you are..." mine, was the first word coming to mind, but he did not wish to unsettle her. She had little notion of what this meant to him, to them, and he would tread with care.

Kal sprawled completely atop him, her lips following the hollow of his neck, passing by his harried life thrum and upward along his jaw. His sharp intake of breath pleased her.

"I will do all in my power to be there when you need me," he spoke into her. The warm breeze blew his promise astray, and it settled on the faraway winds. He wanted to speak of Aragorn, to ask her of the Tower, he burned to. But how could he, now? How could he remind her that he was to leave again, by his own will for that matter, in pursuit of the very place she had fled from? He could not. His embrace drew tighter around her. Legolas decided he would ask of it later, when she regained more of herself. Later.

Kal let him trail away into wishes and desires, the blackness within only growing in magnitude. She swallowed the tides of bitterness the word caused.

Lies. She touched and felt him more desperately. It kept the darkness at bay.

"And we will spend all our days by the sea," Legolas cooed with that gentleness she was discovering of him, rising and drawing her into his lap.

Her arms wound around him as his hitched words washed over her, and Kal huddled closer with shuttered eyelids. She wanted to meld with him completely.

"You and I, Kal," he repeated, breathlessly. "You and I, ever by the sea..."

A/N:

Thank you to all readers old and new! I appreciate you, I do.

Tolkien fic of the day:

Winter Born by Min Daae

Source: Silmarillion

A great Haleth/Caranthir oneshot.