A/N: To answer your question IrishViking, the maple leaf was more about fall leaves since the story is centered around autumn and the seasons. I also wanted to capture a pretty aesthetic that would translate into a good tattoo. I know that PA has Sugar Maples and drew some ideas based off of that. It's a happy coincidence that it ties to Canada!
Be on the look out for a potential extra chapter this weekend. This is another one of those chapters that started out monstrously huge, and ended up being split. So you might get another 2-for-1 deal if I can fast-track the editing.
Chapter 25:
The Upside of Love
Love was a very strange, but very splendored thing. All Emily had been able to think about since the evening by the fireplace was the look on Alison's face when they connected. The look in her eyes was something Emily had never seen before. In that moment it felt like Alison was a part of her, like she was in her veins. It was like chasing a natural high better than drugs and alcohol combined.
She'd had sex before, but she'd never connected like that with Maya or Isaac. It was the same for Alison. Though the blonde had never gone beyond anything oral with her partners it had been more about the pleasure than about the connection. But with Emily she felt something stir in her soul. Despite the fact that it was their first time, Alison had gotten a sense that their hearts had been linked in another lifetime, like they'd been meant to be together. They belonged.
There was a quiet moment afterwards when they'd peered into each other's eyes. They'd laid their bodies bare, but the most intimate act was the fact that they had laid their souls bare. And it was in looking into each other that they saw themselves in the other's soul. They fit together with all of their broken and incomplete pieces, and they made each other whole. They knew what they had was special.
They both felt different after that night. Everything felt more intense...more vivid and colorful. Emily had even been carrying herself differently, though she didn't realize it until she got back to school. Hanna had watched the way Alison and Emily interacted at breakfast. She called attention to it when they were alone later.
"You two totally had sex." She had grinned. She had practically been able to see it radiating off of Emily.
Every time Emily looked at Alison she found something else about her to be attracted to. She saw Alison eyeing her the same way. The experience had shifted something in their relationship in the best way.
Now, Emily was trying to channel that into words. She pulled her pen away from the paper she was scribbling on. She chewed on the pen cap with a smile on her face as she thought back on that night fondly. Their kisses. Their touches. Their highs. Their love.
She felt like a giggly awkward kid in love, and she realized…she was. She loved Alison. She loved her. She was in love with her. That night had been nothing but a storybook of shared moments of crazy insatiable desire. They fed their appetites several times after the first time. Emily could have gone all night. Alison, too. But there was something about the way they felt after the heightened pleasure that enveloped them in a blanket of comfort and warmth that made them want to bathe in the afterglow. It was in the way that Emily held Alison. It was in the way that Alison peppered her belly with kisses. It was in the way they were together.
It wasn't so much about the physicality of it. It was the shared intimacy. Neither one of them had ever opened themselves up like that before. It was a pure need to feel their souls intertwine when they were together.
She had only cared about Alison's pleasure. She hadn't been focused on her own, which in turn had made it so much more impactful when she had felt herself floating along with Alison. They had been perfect together. The love between them was unmatched.
She thought she'd been in love with Maya, but when they fooled around it had always felt more about hormones and lust. Emily understood the difference now. She'd never really understood why older people referred to sex as "making love" but after that night with Alison she got it. And she embraced it. Because it was the most amazing feeling in the world.
It was a love so consuming that it burrowed into a part of Emily that she didn't even know existed. It was a little daunting. Emily wasn't someone who was intimidated very easily. She'd always been her father's daughter. Tough, but kind. Fearless, but firm. But everything about her brain chemistry felt like it was changing. She wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy or the fact that she was head-over-heels for Alison.
Alison's notion of being a family was everything she could have ever wanted and more. She could see a future with the blonde. She could see them walking side by side, a precious little girl between them, one tiny hand in Alison's hand and the other in Emily's hand. She could see birthdays and Christmases and family vacations. She could even see marriage and more kids.
She also knew that she was getting ahead of herself. She didn't know what the future was going to look like. She didn't know what was going to happen after the baby arrived.
She had mixed emotions about what to do in regards to her child's future. She loved her daughter, but after what had happened with Maya, she was terrified about what might happen if she kept her. She had already been on edge about it, so it didn't help matters when she got an unsettling threat three days after she'd visited Maya.
It was just two simple words:
She's next.
The photo attached knocked her for a loop. It was her ultrasound image. It had flashed on the screen for five seconds before disappearing. Emily had tried to take a screenshot, but it was gone by the time she hit the button.
She had no idea how the deranged stalker had gotten a picture of her ultrasound, but it had rattled her. Her baby wasn't safe. And she would never be safe so long as this person was roaming free. How could she expect to keep an infant safe when she could barely keep herself and Alison out of harm's way?
She had so many doubts. Her heart was telling her one thing and her brain was telling her another.
Sometimes she wondered if a closed adoption would be the safest option for the baby, but the thought of it made her heart feel like it was splitting in her chest. And if she gave her up she knew her heart wouldn't be the only one broken. Alison had fallen in love with her child. She'd be devastated.
Emily hadn't slept the night she got the text. The more she thought about it the angrier she got. This person was trying to scare her. They were trying to make her doubt herself as a mother. If she gave up she would be playing right into their hands. But if she didn't do everything in her baby's best interest...what kind of mother would that make her?
She hated that she was being manipulated and controlled. She was irate that someone was threatening her child. She wanted to strangle this person just for insinuating they might hurt her baby.
Interestingly enough when she was stewing in her rage her daughter started kicking her. She had strong little legs. There was something comforting about it. It reminded Emily of her kickboxing moves. Her baby was going to be a fighter, just like she was.
Instead of firing back an angry response, which is exactly what the person on the other end wanted, Emily had put her phone down and concentrated on her child's movements. She took a video to show Alison, adding in her own little karate chop moves every now and then.
She expected the stalker to continue to try and push her buttons, but after that text the crazed maniac had been oddly quiet. Over the span of two weeks she only got one other text.
Your move.
Emily had no idea what to make of it. Did they want her to text back? Or were they just playing mind games with her?
She didn't like the silence. She wanted to believe that maybe the person had just grown bored. Or maybe, hopefully, they'd been hit by a truck. But she was worried that the real reason she'd been suddenly ghosted was because the stalker was planning something.
It unnerved her.
They'd hit a dead end in their investigation. Nothing had come of her sleuthing with Caleb at the bar. He was still looking into the apartment and the car. But Wilden was alluding them. Cindy and Mindy weren't talking. They'd seen Noel around a lot, but they could never get him alone to talk to him.
Weeks passed and they were no closer to getting any answers. It was frustrating. Things felt like they were hitting a boiling point, and it made Emily extremely antsy. But she finally caught a lucky break when she saw Noel alone at the gym earlier that day.
She'd cornered him and demanded answers as to why he'd come over to Alison's house. She'd caught him in the parking lot when no one else was around. She felt extra bitchy and hormonal and decided he would make a good punching bag.
"I hear you're making housecalls to my girlfriend." She'd backed him into the alley next to the gym. She was tired of the games.
"Housecalls? Is that what they call it these days?" He'd smirked at her.
"I warned you to stay away from her." Emily got in his face.
He seemed amused, which only irritated her further.
"I didn't realize I needed your permission to see my ex." He'd scoffed and tried to shove her away.
She'd slammed him against the wall, forcing him to drop his gym bag.
"I'm not fucking playing with you, Noel. I'm pissed. And I have a lot of power in my punches because I'm punching for two. Do you really want to have a repeat of the last time we clashed? Because if I remember correctly you ended up bleeding on the ground." She'd grabbed his tank top and lifted him up, forcing him further against the wall.
"Careful with the heavy lifting." His cocky tone diminished. He sounded legitimately concerned.
"I'll let up as soon as you tell me what the hell your angle is. Why were you there? Was it just to mess with her mind?"
Alison had seemed really upset about his visit. It had stirred something in her, which had in turn awoken every defensive instinctual nerve in Emily's body. She had an inherent protective nature and when she saw any hint of timidity in Alison it sparked her drive to dispose of the cause of her pain...by any means necessary. If that meant maiming Noel Kahn, that's what she would do.
"Everything I told her is true." He'd lifted his hands in submission. He could see the fire in her eyes. She looked feral.
"Are you involved?"
"No."
"If I find out that you're lying to me…"
"Look, I told Alison everything I know."
Emily loosened her grip on him. He shrugged his shoulders and flattened his tank top. When he lifted his arms his muscles bulged. She saw fading pinpoint marks on several areas on his skin.
"Are you using again?" Emily frowned.
"So what if I am?"
"Thought you were trying to turn over a new leaf."
"You don't understand the pressure I'm under…"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Emily motioned to her stomach. "You think you got it bad, Mr. College Scholarship? Try walking ONE DAY in my shoes."
The water retention alone would probably have him crying like a little bitchbaby.
"Seems like your mood swings are worse than mine these days." Noel shrugged. "You're not the only one who has problems. I got my own shit I'm dealing with."
"Well, you certainly made enough time to meddle in our lives. Why?"
"I just felt like I owed it to you. I'm trying to make up for being such an asshole." He'd reached up to rub his shoulder.
"You'll have to forgive me if I don't buy your 'nice guy' routine."
"I don't care whether you listen to me or not. It's your choice. I just thought I'd tell you what I've seen. I know someone is harassing you."
Emily tried not to react. She tried not to give anything away. She felt her facial muscles twitching.
"I remembered something you said to me one day. It was after…" He'd cringed. "…what I did to you in the locker rooms. You said something about text messages. You thought I was threatening you. But it wasn't me. I'm assuming it hasn't stopped?"
The look on Emily's face told him everything he needed to know.
"I've seen you around. Tried to keep my distance. But I've noticed certain things." He'd mashed his lips together. "Like you get this look of dread on your face when your phone goes off. And weird things keep happening. Like the scaffolding." He glanced up towards where the scaffolding had once been. "That nearly took Alison's head off. If you hadn't been here…"
"Don't remind me." It made Emily feel sick to her stomach.
"I tried to think about who would be petty and salty enough to do that. And it just made me think of Wilden. He was really fucking pissed that you and Alison ratted him out."
"How did you know about his bail?"
"The twins are chatty in bed."
"Oh, God. Gross." She'd reared back in disgust. She felt dirty just hearing it. She saw Noel laughing at her. "Christ, Fields…I'm kidding. All I had to do was buy them some milkshakes and flirt a little. They're desperate little things. Cindy slipped up one day. Said something about some cute boy from out of town that hangs with Wilden from time to time. She didn't know his name or anything else. She only saw him one time. But she says he's from upstate New York."
Emily let out a frustrated sigh. It was hard searching for a needle in a haystack when you weren't even sure which haystack you were supposed to be looking in.
"Well, great. That narrows it down to half a million people."
"Wilden used to have family there. His mom's side, at least. His dad bailed when he was a baby. I think he ended up in the Midwest. I tried to follow the paper trail...the money...to see if maybe that's where his bail had come from, but it was a dead end. It was wired through some independent account. It's impossible to track. But it's clear he's got friends out there. I don't know who they are or why they're helping him, but the dude is untouchable right now. That's why I went to see Alison. I know you guys are trying to get to the bottom of...whatever is happening, but if you don't cool it I think something really bad is going to happen. That's it. That's all I know."
Emily looked at the burly asshole in front of her. And she saw something in his eyes that softened him. It was the same expression he'd had when he'd been in the nurse's office at school after she'd passed out.
"Why are you helping us?"
His forehead crinkled, pushing his brows down. He had little worry lines next to his eyes.
"Honestly? Because you kind of remind me of my sister-in-law when she was pregnant. She was super high strung about everything. And I don't want what happened to my brother's kid to happen to yours. You're…what…five…six months?"
"Almost six and a half."
"You hide it well." He'd glanced down at her stomach, looking for any indication of her baby bump. She was good at concealing it.
"Hanna Marin Fashion Design." Emily shrugged.
"Look, my brother's kid…their baby was born totally full term. They didn't have any idea why he was stillborn. It was just…it was a weird fluke. It happens a lot. It really fucked them up. Losing kids…it's…" He had a poignant look on his face. "I don't know. I would have been the kid's uncle, you know? And if it bothers me this much, I can't even imagine what the parents go through. It has to be hell. People go off the deep end when they lose a child. Do some crazy shit. I read this one story about some lady who posed as a nurse and kidnapped a newborn after she had a miscarriage. It apparently messes with all kind of things in a woman's brain when they lose a baby. And…I mean, I think I can kind of understand why."
Emily could understand it, too. She'd nearly lost her mind when she thought she was having a miscarriage. It was a pain that cut so deep that she could still feel it.
That night in the hospital still bothered her. Someone had been there. Someone had taken a picture. And as crazy as it made her feel, she'd felt Courtney that night. She knew the girl had been 3000 miles away, but her touch…her laugh…it all felt so real.
When Courtney had kissed her Emily had felt the same dread in her chest that she'd felt when Courtney tried to force herself on her. Emily had worked hard to put that day behind her, but there were certain things she'd never forget.
She had been so sure that Courtney was going to get her way. The scariest part was that the blonde hadn't seen anything wrong with what she was doing. She'd actually believed that Emily belonged to her. The things she'd said…the awful things she'd spit at her had cut into Emily's most vulnerable insecurities.
But then she'd turned around and tried to twist herself into the victim when Emily fought back. The shift in her personality had happened so suddenly that it had given Emily emotional whiplash.
There had been something real about her reaction as she'd stared up at Emily from the locker room floor. Something had broken through the base of her acidic nature when Emily stood up to her.
She had looked genuinely hurt…betrayed. And afraid. Emily had never seen her look afraid.
In the weeks that followed Courtney had looked at her differently, with a mixture of fear and hatred. It was as if Emily's humiliation had changed something inside of her.
She felt those eyes on her the night in the hospital. The pains that had followed Courtney's torture in her nightmare had felt so real to her. The erratic panicking beat of her heart. The cool blade cutting into her skin in the same manner that Courtney's words had cut into her soul. The look of delight on Courtney's face when she revealed her blood-coated fingers.
But nothing compared to the pain of losing her child while Courtney watched in amusement. It had been a hell that she wouldn't even wish upon her worst enemy.
She saw that pain in Noel's eyes.
"I saw my nephew after he was born. They had him in a little…cooling thing. I think it was called a Cuddlecot. He was so small. And fragile. I looked at him, just staring…and it just made me realize…it's super sad that he'll never get to experience all the amazing things this world has to offer. It made me reflect upon babies…and how innocent they really are. I kind of have a soft spot for them…I guess."
It was not the response Emily was expecting. Noel Kahn was standing in front of her telling her that he loved and appreciated babies. The same asshole who had tried to force himself on her and had acted like a complete machismo lunatic after his coach got fired was talking about a baby's precious life. It was hard to process. Before she had a chance to respond they heard the side door swinging open.
Toby walked out carrying several boxes. He spotted Emily and Noel and slowly put the equipment down. He strode over towards them, flanking Emily. He stared at Noel. He didn't trust him.
"Everything okay out here?" Toby stepped in line with Emily.
"I'm moving along, officer. I don't want any trouble." Noel reached for his gym bag. He couldn't help himself as he fired off a smarmy response, "You guys really take your security seriously around here. I didn't know you offered full on harassment services. You have to pay extra for that?"
"It's only for our EXTRA extra members." Toby shrugged.
Noel waved him off as he walked towards the front of the gym.
"What was that about?" Toby asked. "Was he bothering you?"
Emily watched Noel walking away. She kept her eyes on him as he turned the corner. She couldn't figure him out.
"No." She didn't realize how distant her voice sounded until she heard it out loud. She faced Toby. "Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you hanging at the front desk."
"I'm not worried about that." His face tightened, a frown tugging at his jaw. He looked like he was trying to analyze something.
"You need some help with those boxes?" Emily moved towards the employee entrance.
"Nah, I got it."
"Cool. I'll cover the front." She reached for the metal door handle.
Toby reached out and gently grabbed her arm. She paused in her stride and turned around to face him.
"Emily, are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm fine. We were just talking."
The look on her face told Toby that there was so much more to the story. He felt guilty because he hadn't really been around lately. He spent most of his free time with Spencer. He'd let his friendship with Emily fall by the wayside. They'd been so close when they were little. They'd spent a decent amount of time since she'd moved back to town together, but lately work had been busy and it had been too cold for them to ride together.
He'd seen changes in her. He'd noticed that she seemed quieter and somewhat withdrawn. She seemed incredibly happy with Alison, but there seemed to be something deeper beneath the surface. He'd seen it in her tired eyes…and in the way that she was distracted when she worked out with Jake. He wanted her to know that she could talk to him.
"I don't mean that. I mean…" He peered at her, his crystal blue eyes gazing into hers with a worried expression, "You've been…weird. Is something going on with you?"
Emily dropped her hands, pausing at the door. She thought about telling him, but something was holding her back.
"No. No, I've just been a little stressed. You know how it is."
"Yeah." He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked dissatisfied with her response. "Look, I know we've both been busy lately, but I want you to know you can talk to me." He put his hand on top of hers. "About anything."
Emily smiled at him. When she looked at him she couldn't help but see the gangly little kid who had chased her around the swing-set when they were five. She'd taught him how to shoot a basket in basketball during recess. The first rebound had hit him in the face. He'd cried. She'd run over to kiss the boo-boo on his head.
"You're a good friend, Tobias."
"Shh." He pressed his index finger against his lips, which were turned up in a smile. "No one here knows me by that name but you."
"Just wait until they find out your middle name is Bieber." Emily snickered.
"Hey, it was my name long before it was his. Belonged to my dad's great-grandfather, James. Of course, my dad couldn't be a traditionalist and just name me Tobias James. Sometimes I wonder what went through my parents' heads when they were naming me."
Emily smiled. She had to consciously remind herself not to reach out and touch her stomach in front of Toby.
She already had an idea for a name for her daughter. She wanted to see her first, but she'd had the name picked out since the fall. The first name had come naturally. The middle name was inspired by Alison in a way.
"You were cute...little Tobias Bieber Cavanaugh." Emily shrugged. "A little scraggly. Shitty at basketball to start."
"I've gotten better." He claimed defensively. "You showed me the way."
"We've come a hell of a long way." Emily smiled.
"I miss those one-on-one days." Toby admitted.
It made Emily feel guilty. The past few times they'd made plans to hang out their plans fell through. She couldn't play basketball with him like she used to because she had to be strategic in what activities she participated in. Her sparring was the only thing that had been cleared by her doctor. And she had to be careful doing that. Basketball was a contact sport and she wasn't supposed to be getting that physical. Not to mention, her baby bump would be very easy to spot.
"You want to grab lunch today? Catch up?"
He'd smiled at her.
"I'd love that."
Her lunch with Toby had turned her entire day around. The cool thing about friends was even if you'd been apart you could pick up right where you left off. He talked about his plans after graduation. He wanted to do a job that was really physical. He thrived on the high of exercise. He didn't want to go to school to get a four year degree. He wanted to work hard and learn some kind of trade.
They talked about her new apartment. He asked how the move was going and offered up his services to help if she needed it. She told him it was slow-going. The slowest-going move ever. She'd been dragging her heels because of everything else that was going on.
She wanted to tell him about the baby and about the threats. She wanted to tell him everything, but the last thing she wanted to do was put him at risk. He'd nearly been ripped to shreds by the light that exploded in the gym in the fall. He'd put his ass on the line for her then, and she knew he'd do it again.
Catching up with him made everything feel normal again. She was able to put aside her anxiety about the stalker and focus on everything else.
Her main focus was her girlfriend. February was a month for lovers. And she was still thinking about the love she'd shared with Alison the night of the snowstorm. Putting aside the weird morning with Noel and her lunch with Toby, Emily was hyper-focused on getting Valentine's Day right.
She pulled the pen cap out of her mouth and mindlessly started reworking on the little love notes for Alison. The idea had come to her when she was staring out her window one night peering at Alison's treehouse. They'd had a lot of really intimate talks in that treehouse. It had made her wonder what other places she associated her love to Alison. It had spawned the greatest idea she'd ever had.
She was so focused that she didn't hear the light knock at her door an hour later.
"Em?" The door creaked open. "Dinner in fifteen."
Emily peered up from the notepad to see her dad standing in the doorway.
"Oh, hey. Sorry. I didn't hear you."
"Thought you might be asleep." He padded into the room.
"Dad, I haven't slept in months." Emily grimaced.
"Your mother struggled with the insomnia, too." He walked over to her bed.
"Was there anything that helped her?"
He laughed softly, but didn't reply. She saw a twinkle in his eyes. It was the same look he had on his face when he was looking at his wife in a romantic setting. Emily suddenly had the picture of pregnancy sex in her mind, but it was horrifying because it was her parents.
"Never mind." Emily uttered quickly, closing her notepad.
"What are you working on? Homework?"
"Valentine's Day stuff." Emily shrugged, scooting to the edge of her bed.
"You and Alison seem to be going strong. Seems like it's getting serious." He sounded cautiously optimistic, but there was a nervous waver in his tone.
Emily knew her parents thought she was too young to be making plans for a future with a baby and her girlfriend, but they also wanted her to find her own way so they were trying to stay out of it. They encouraged her to seek her independence and soar in adulthood. But they also nagged her and scrutinized her decisions in little passive-aggressive ways that parents often did.
"Yep." Emily nodded, feeling awkward. "She's great."
She never knew what to say to her parents when it came to Alison. They didn't dislike Alison. They had seen her step up to the plate to support Emily more than once. But they worried that the excitement of the new relationship might wear off and that their daughter would be left brokenhearted.
"That's good." He nodded. "We're happy for you."
Her parents were slowly starting to come around to the new her, and it made her feel more comfortable in her own skin. Back before they'd accepted her she wasn't sure of who she was...or who she was allowed to be. The internal conflict had nearly torn her apart. But things were changing, and Emily could feel it, not only outwardly, but inside.
"You have really exceeded our expectations these last few months." He looked around the room, which had mostly been packed away. Several of her things were already at her apartment. "We're proud of you, baby."
"Thanks, dad." Emily smiled.
"Just so you know, your mom and I are going away next weekend. I'm taking her to a couple's retreat."
"You must really love her to go through that." Emily laughed.
"I could use a spa day myself. I'm sure my pores are clogged." He winked, a joking expression on his face.
Emily glanced at her notepad. She'd been writing non-stop. She'd just let everything pour out of her. She tapped her pen against the pad.
"How long did you and mom date before you knew she was 'the one'?"
He smiled, a crooked grin on his face. He looked like a dopey high school boy in love. Emily liked knowing that even after years of marriage, her mother still made her father look like that.
"I knew when I met her." He had a fond look in his eyes.
He chuckled as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.
"She was in the meal hall and I noticed her from across the room. I thought she was cute, so I tried to get her attention, but she didn't seem to want to give me the time of day. So my buddy and I got a little rowdy to make some noise. We were a little cocky, pelting one another with food and trying to act like we were the coolest kids there. I stood up to start a food fight, but when I picked up my tray I overshot it and ended up whacking myself in the face and tripping over my chair. Made a complete ass of myself."
Emily started laughing. She could picture her dad as a young little rebel. She knew he'd been a bad boy before he'd joined the army.
"I landed flat on my back. When I looked up she was standing over me. She asked me if I was okay and helped me up. I asked her for her number. She called me a dumbass and then walked away. And I looked at my buddy and said, 'That's her. That's the girl I'm going to marry'."
Emily was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.
"She took some convincing, of course. But eventually I wore her down. I started carrying around a tray with stupid food puns. 'Wanna Taco 'Bout it' and 'You're Im-pasta-bly Beautiful'. 'Sorry I'm so corn-y.' 'You egg-cite me.' Every time we'd pass in the hallway I'd flash the message at her. But what sealed the deal was hijacking our first football game of the season by stealing the mic and singing, 'Sugar Pie Honey Bunch'."
Emily was completely enamored. She'd never heard the full story of how they met.
"You did not!"
"I couldn't help myself." He winked.
"Ugh, God, you really are that corny." Emily smiled.
"You better recognize." He sat up tall, proud. Every so often Emily could still see the same cocky kid that her mother must have known. "Be thankful for your father's wit. You wouldn't be here otherwise."
"I know." Emily smiled, leaning into him, knocking her shoulder against his. "I'm starting to understand why things tie together the way they do." She put her hand on her stomach.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and reached out with his free hand and put it on her belly.
"How's my grandbaby doing?" He rubbed her stomach.
The motion simultaneously warmed her heart and gave her chills. She'd been thinking non-stop about her daughter's safety since she'd gotten the text threatening her life.
"Uh…she's good."
Her father heard the falter in her voice.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Emily sighed. She didn't know how to explain it without going into all the details. "It's just…sometimes I wonder if I'm enough for her."
"Sweetheart, you are more than enough." He pushed a strand of stray hair behind her ear.
"What if…" Emily wanted to tell him about the threats. She wanted to talk to him so badly. But what if the stalker found out? "What if I can't protect her? Or…what if I can't provide for her?"
"It's normal to have doubts." He assured her. "I know this has been a tough road for you. Your mother and I understand that."
"I just…I don't know what's best for her." She felt her throat burning. She nearly bit through her tongue to keep from crying. "What if she'd be better off with someone more..." She tried to find the right word, "...stable? A family that can take care of her in a way that I can't?"
Her dad took a thoughtful breath.
"Are you considering adoption?"
"I don't know. I'm..." She wiped away a tear in frustration. "I've never been someone who scares easily. You know that. But...I worry about her, all the time."
"Yeah..." He sighed. "That never goes away."
"I don't know how to do this. I don't know what I want. I don't know what she'd want."
He put his large palm against her back and rubbed it in a circular motion.
"Emmy, this is something that only you can know for sure. I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. Only you know what's in your heart." The expression on his face tore into Emily's soul, because she recognized it. She knew that he was hurting, because there was nothing worse than a parent seeing their child in pain and being unable to do anything about it. "I can only tell you that regardless of what you choose to do your mother and I will support you as best we can."
"The longer I wait the harder it gets." She choked back tears. "I fall a little more in love with her every day." She mindlessly rolled her palm against her stomach. "And Alison does, too."
"I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, and I want you to try not to shut me out. I have to bring it up, because from an objective standpoint I know what it's like to be your age and to be in love. You two are in a fickle stage in life. I think it's important that you consider the future, because things aren't going to be the same after you graduate. You're setting down roots. I can see that. And I know you've mentioned Alison is waiting to hear from NYU..."
"We'll figure it out." Her response had a quiet reserve of desperation in it.
"I know you care about Alison, but you're both still young…"
"You and mom were young." Emily reminded him.
"We were in college. And we had a chance to discover who we were before we had you." He put his hand on top of hers. "Don't get me wrong. Babies are a blessing. In every sense. But they are also constant work. Your Ma and I always want you to know the realities that lie ahead. It's why we're so hard on you sometimes. Because we know. We've been there. When a child comes into the mix that baby has to come first. Always. And relationships change because of it. You're already on the brink of so many changes."
"I know that. I do." Emily wasn't blind to what they were facing, but she'd already made her mind up when it came to her girlfriend. Her incredibly soft, sometimes bitchy, crazy-in-love, wildly adorable girlfriend. Emily smiled just thinking about her. "But you've got to understand…for me…Alison is the one who makes me want to write cheesy things on a lunch tray and sing dorky songs in front of the school."
She looked up from the ground.
"I love her, dad." She thought about the way she'd connected to Alison the night of the storm. "And I'm not just talking about butterflies and sweaty palms and wanting to be near her all the time, though, I feel all that, too. I'm talking about connecting…feeling what she feels."
She glanced up at the ceiling. She could still feel that high that they'd hit in the peak of their love-making.
"I mean I look at her and she becomes everything to me. The sun. The air. When she walks out of the room I don't know if I'm going to be able to breathe again until I see her. It's like…gravity. It's this force that I can't stop. And I don't want to stop it."
She faced her dad, beaming, her eyes bright and wide.
"I would do anything for her." She smiled with tears in her eyes. "She's my forever."
Wayne saw the affectionate look on her face. There was a mystifying expression of enchantment that there was no mistaking. He could see the love in her eyes. His baby girl was in love. Real love. All he could hope was that Alison reciprocated in the same way.
He kissed her forehead.
"Then follow your heart, kid." He cupped her cheeks in his hands and smiled at her. "You've got a good one. I trust that it won't lead you astray."
Emily didn't say anything. She just reached out and engulfed him in a hug, her baby bump squeezed between the two of them.
He kissed her forehead one more time for good measure before leaving her to finish her little love notes.
Emily laid back against her pillows, a content sigh heaving from her chest. She had only been with Alison for six months, but it felt like they'd been together for years. They had a lot of uncertainty in their future, but Emily was only focused on the present. Even with all of her emotions reeling from the pregnancy she felt secure in their relationship. In a way, the baby had strengthened their love. Her daughter seemed to bring them even closer together.
Her phone chimed. Emily cautiously reached for it. She saw Alison's picture pop up in her text chain.
Can't wait to see your face tomorrow.
Emily smiled and snapped a selfie and sent it back to her,
Why wait? Here's a little preview to tide you over.
Alison had replied with a dozen heart-eyed emojis.
Emily held her phone close to her chest as she closed her eyes.
That night, she slept soundly for the first time in a long time. She woke up ready for school the next morning. She knew that it was going to be a big week.
Rosewood High had made Valentine's Day into a week-long ordeal. The dance committee had a "love-is-love" campaign that consisted of several little gift exchanges. Students could pay a dollar for a rose to be delivered to their lover, three dollars for a small gift of chocolate, and five dollars for the choir to serenade them with a love song.
Emily didn't like to buy into traditions, but she did it anyway…showering Alison with little gifts throughout the week.
On Monday it was a dozen roses. On Tuesday it was gourmet chocolates. On Friday, it was the gift of song. Only instead of having the chorus serenade her she set it up to sing to her herself.
Uptown Girl. Sans alcohol.
Their friends had laughed and carried on. Hanna had recorded it. Payback for Emily for not letting her record it when Alison did it at The Brew.
The entire cafeteria had turned into a high school musical, and by the time it was over everyone was cheering for Emily and Alison.
The end of the musical number had Emily standing on top of the table reaching for Alison's hand so Alison could hop up and join her. The entire crowd had been cheering them on. Alison carefully maneuvered herself up on to her chair in her heels. Emily yanked her up next to her and pulled Alison into her arms. They shared a passionate kiss.
"Yeah! Get that booty, Em!" Mike's voice bellowed above the crowd.
The smack of Aria's hand against the back of his head couldn't be heard, but Emily saw it and chuckled.
"I can't believe you did this." Alison laughed, burying her face into Emily's chest.
"I know you love the attention." Emily shrugged.
Alison couldn't deny it.
"The adoring public does love seeing me." Alison agreed.
"Okay, show's over! You two need to come down from there before someone gets hurt." The principal was hurrying over towards them.
"Oh, Principal Hackett!" Mrs. Montgomery stepped into his path. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something…"
She'd pulled his attention away from them. Emily took Alison's hand and they jumped down and rushed away before they could get in trouble for creating a scene.
Alison giggled as Emily tugged on her hand as they ran down the hallway. Their hearts were beating wildly.
They ducked into the library. They were out of breath as they disappeared into the quietest corner. Alison's little reading nook was always unoccupied. They both plopped down on the floor, laughing hard and out of breath.
"You are insane." Alison grinned as she gripped the back of Emily's neck and pulled her in for a kiss. "You could have gotten in trouble back there, Backstreet Guy."
"And I'd never be able to tell my mama why." She crooned.
"Stop it." Alison snickered, playfully slapping her shoulder.
"I knew we'd be fine." Emily shrugged.
"Yeah, thanks to Mrs. Montgomery. Props to her. Did you see that little look she gave us?"
"Well, Aria did say she 'shipped' us." Emily leaned her head back. Her cheeks were flushed. Her hair was messy. "I'm just glad I was able to pull it off with all the extra weight."
"You have some major moves. She's going to come out knowing how to twerk." Alison grabbed Emily's hand and laid her head against Emily's shoulder. "Speaking of…we haven't exactly talked about the Valentine's dance tonight. Do you want to go?"
"Considering the way our last dance went…I'm kind of skeptical." Emily admitted. "Besides, I'm working tonight so I can have tomorrow off. Because I've got special plans for you."
"Oh?" Alison was intrigued.
"I want our first Valentine's Day to be special."
"I don't doubt you'll make it unforgettable." Alison caressed her chin. "Then again every day with you is unforgettable. And special."
Emily still marveled at the fact that Alison DiLaurentis…the same Alison DiLaurentis who used to coldly and viciously bite into people...could be so incredibly mushy.
"You know…" Alison looked around. "The first time I ever saw you was in a library."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You were with your mom. We were probably four. Maybe five. My mom took us to the city library because my brother had a book report. He whined the entire time, but I found a little nook and sat down to read. I heard you talking to your mom and when I looked through the stacks I saw you pulling her along. You were so excited." She smiled. "You were talking about some book about parents in the military. I watched you stop to pick out three books. Then you rushed to check out and you got all excited about giving the librarian your library card."
"Wow." Emily leaned back against the books behind them. "I remember that. I think it was the first time my mom let me use my card by myself."
"Want to know something corny? I checked those books out after you because I wanted to know what you liked so I could like it, too. And I thought maybe we could talk about liking the same things."
"That's not corny. That's sweet." And a little stalkerish. But also very cute.
"Yeah. I chickened out and didn't read them though. My brother was an asshole about one of the books. He called me a baby and teased me. And I wanted to prove that I wasn't a baby…"
"Ali, you were five."
"I know. But even when I was that little I had this idea ingrained in me that I couldn't be looked at as lesser than my peers."
Emily had never realized how far-reaching her insecurity was. She didn't realize how far back it dated. Her childhood had essentially been hell.
"Do you remember the first time you saw me?" Alison asked.
"I do." She stroked Alison's arm. "First day of kindergarten. You walked in wearing this pink and white stripped dress with frills at the bottom and a popped collar. You had on a matching headband and sparkly pink shoes. From the second that people saw you, you were the center of attention. You had this gravitational pull. You strutted over to put your lunchbox and little pink sunglasses into your cubby and you turned around and smiled at me. I've never gotten over that smile."
Alison glanced at her with a bashful look on her face, her lips curled upwards.
"And now I get to look at that smile every day." Emily kissed the tip of her nose.
Alison lowered her chin and shook her head with a laugh.
"You're ridiculous."
"That's it. That's the smile." Emily gripped her chin and forced Alison to look at her.
Their lips met again, quietly and softly. When Alison pulled away she gently took Emily's hand.
"I hate that you have to work tonight." The smile quickly faded from her face. "What kind of soulless corporation makes their employees work on the night before the day of love?"
"I volunteered because Toby wants to take Spencer to the Circa Survive concert tonight."
"I don't think the concert scene is Spencer's scene. She's more of a foreign film and coffee kind of girl. I can't imagine her having a good time head-banging to loud music."
"They're finding their groove." Emily defended them.
"They're a really weird couple. What do they even have in common?"
Emily traced her fingers against Alison's arm, down to her fingertips.
"What did we have in common when we first met?" she questioned. "I was a purple-haired punk on a motorcycle and you were a little priss in heels. In what way were we compatible?"
"We're both really hot." Alison grinned.
"Toby is a good looking guy. And in what world is Spencer not hot?" Emily challenged.
"You think Spencer is hot?" Alison's cheeks reddened. She had a bit of envy in her eyes.
"She's incredibly hot. She has a sexy librarian thing going on." Emily pursed her lips together in thought. She was poking Alison. Teasing her.
"Stop fantasizing about other women on our weekend of love." Alison scowled.
"Pregnancy hormones," she whispered.
Alison was not amused. Emily smiled. She couldn't help it. Alison was so cute when she scowled. She snickered.
"I'm just messing with you." She pressed the tip of her index finger against Alison's nose.
"So you don't think Spencer is hot?"
"I do, but you're hotter. Much hotter."
"That's a little better I guess…" Alison said.
"We will have our time this weekend. I promise." Emily pulled Alison in for a hug. "You're welcome to hang out with me at work tonight."
"What time are you going in?"
"Five."
"I have that stupid charity thing with my parents." She frowned. "What are you doing after school?"
"I have to run by my apartment. I have a few boxes I'm going to drop off."
"Are you really moving out?" Alison pouted. She hated the idea of not being able to sneak across the street and see her any time she wanted.
"I have to get out of that house. I love my parents, Ali, but they're suffocating me. Not on purpose. They're just…I can just feel it, you know? Mom questions me a lot about everything I'm doing. I know they're proud of me, but I can also feel the heat when it comes to how I'm living my life. I can feel what they're not saying. Besides, they want me to stand on my own two feet anyway."
"But in the middle of the school year?"
"We graduate in three months. I'm just getting a jump on it. Because…" she lowered her voice, "I'm due around that time. I need to have everything set up."
Alison glanced down at her stomach. It was amazing to her that she wasn't showing more. Hanna had done a hell of a job picking out a wardrobe that hid her bump. Emily did a good job keeping it a secret.
Three months. Alison thought to herself.
Had time really been going by that quickly? Were they really only three months away from meeting the precious little human Emily was carrying?
Just as Alison was getting lost in thought about what Emily's little girl would look like she was interrupted by the bell signaling the end of their lunch period.
Emily stood up, pulling Alison with her. She lovingly cupped her cheek and leaned in for another kiss.
"Want to skip?" Alison questioned hopefully.
"Can't. I've got a test."
"Well, that's not loving in the spirit of Cupid's holiday." Alison frowned.
"Come on. I'll walk you to class." She grabbed Alison's hand.
They mingled in with the rest of the students trying to make it to their next class. Emily always tried to stay on alert when they were in a large crowd. With a stalker after them, she knew they couldn't be too careful.
Unfortunately for her, the person who haunted her nightmares was dangerously good at blending in…a poisonous chameleon. Half of the kids at Rosewood wore hoodies, and the person following them was no exception. The girls were several paces ahead at all times. Emily kept looking back, scanning the crowd…and that's where the hoodie came in. All it took was an adjustment of the garment over their head and stepping behind another student rushing to get to class and they were just another face in the crowd.
Emily stopped to say goodbye to Alison, unaware that they were being watched.
"I'll see you in English."
"Thank you for my song."
"I love you."
Alison still felt her body melt into a warm state of bliss every time Emily said she loved her. The words had a different meaning now...after what they'd shared the night by the fireplace.
"I love you, too."
They kissed and then parted ways. The crowd started to thin out as kids piled into their classrooms. The hallways went from overcrowded to virtually empty. Emily thought she heard footsteps behind her, but when she turned around she didn't see anyone.
She stopped by the water fountain to refill her water bottle. She heard the squeaking of a shoe and she spun around. Noel and two of his buddies were walking by behind her. He glanced at her, but kept going. Emily was so focused on him that she didn't see the bathroom door opening up behind her.
An arm reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into the restroom. Emily took a blind swing at her attacker as the door closed. The attacker didn't fight back. Instead she let out an "eek!" and nearly tripped over her heels.
"Hey, whoa!" Hanna backpeddled and threw her hands up in submission. "It's me! I come in peace!"
Emily breathed a sigh of relief, her entire body relaxing.
"Jesus, Hanna, you can't just grab me like that. You know what I'm dealing with."
"Sorry, I was trying to get your attention while you were mean-mugging Noel Kahn…"
"You could have texted me." Emily's heart was still pounding in her chest.
"I did."
Emily reached into her pocket and pulled her phone out. There was a message from Hanna time-stamped nearly twenty minutes ago.
Meet me in the bathroom before next period.
"Oh." Emily laughed nervously.
She smiled at her phone and sent a message back.
See ya in the stalls.
Hanna pressed her lips together and shook her head with a laugh.
"What kind of teenager are you? Couldn't even bother to check your messages?"
"I was…busy."
"Guess you and Alison really made the most of the romantic moment." Hanna smirked at her.
"Well, it is Valentine's Week." Emily gave her a sly smile.
"Who even made it a whole week anyway? The candy and card companies?" Hanna asked.
"Spencer says it's a corporate conspiracy."
"That didn't stop her from being impressed with your gesture to Alison at lunch. That was a hell of a scene. I'm impressed, especially given…" She motioned to Emily's stomach, which was cleverly covered up by another one of Hanna's outfits. "You took a major risk."
"Every day in my life is a major risk."
"Yeah. No kidding." The look on Hanna's face changed from playful to pensive. "Listen, Caleb found something with the DNA results…"
"Hanna…" Emily's eyes darted around the bathroom, worried that someone might be in the stalls.
"Would you relax? I checked. I'm not an amateur." Hanna put her mind at ease. "I've been dying to talk to you about this all day."
"I thought Caleb said you guys didn't get any hits when it came back two weeks ago?" Emily questioned in confusion.
They hadn't been expecting anything to actually come back on a few pieces of trash they'd picked up at the bar, but Emily was disappointed when she found out that nothing came out of their investigation.
"We didn't. Not in any databases. But check this out…" She pulled several folded up sheets of paper out of her back pocket.
She opened the pages and handed them to Emily. The first picture was a print out of a DNA report. It looked like it had been taken on a phone.
"What am I looking at?" Emily asked.
"Wait for it." Hanna pulled the first piece of paper aside. The second page was the actual print out of the DNA report.
"I don't get it." Emily glanced up. She caught her puzzled expression in the mirror.
"Caleb said something kept bugging him about one of the profiles that came back. He couldn't put his finger on it, but the other day we were going through some of the older evidence we have. And he realized that the reason it looked so familiar was because we've seen that exact profile before."
Hanna tapped against the first page with her index finger.
Emily felt an invisible light bulb in her head switching on. She realized she'd seen the first image before. It was the DNA profile on whoever it was that Wilden had been searching for…the person who shared DNA markers with him. Noel had been right about Wilden having outside connections. And those outside connections were far closer than they knew.
"Holy shit." Emily clutched the paper. "Holy shit." She uttered again. "This is huge." Her eyes widened. "So…the night at the bar when Alison said she saw Wilden…"
"She might have seen someone who looked like him." Hanna nodded. "This is from the lighter that you found." She pointed to one sheet. "And this one is the profile that Wilden had." She pointed to the other piece of paper.
Emily stared at the pictures. She wasn't quite sure what that meant. That Wilden had some biological family member out for revenge? Was that the cute boy that Cindy had mentioned to Noel?
"I don't understand how any of this connects back to Texas." Emily knew she was missing something huge. And it bothered her. They were so close to figuring it out.
"Maybe it doesn't. Maybe Wilden and this mystery person knew they could use you to get to Alison. They could have done a deep dive into your history, especially since Wilden had access to your records…"
"But this person knows things about me. Personal things that wouldn't be in any records."
"We're dealing with someone really diabolical...someone who can almost outsmart Caleb…" She made a face, "Never tell him I said that." She frowned. It made the moment lighter for a few seconds. "Whoever this is could access anything they wanted. I mean…the sociopathic mind feeds on intricate details and patterns."
"You need to cut down on the crime novels, Detective Hanna." Emily tried to get her to slow down. "This started before everything with Wilden, remember?"
"That's true." Hanna frowned. She looked deflated that her theory wasn't some big break in the case.
"But this does give us a solid lead that we can follow up on."
And she knew exactly where they were going to start.
"Upstate New York." Noel had told her.
"What do you want to do?" Hanna asked. "You want to corner Wilden? Beat the information out of him? I could totally be your wing-woman. I can throw a mean punch. Alison will back me up on that."
"That does sound like fun." Emily considered it.
She wouldn't mind beating his face until it caved in. She felt her daughter move, and she snapped back to reality, realizing it wasn't a good idea. The threatening text raced through her mind.
"She's next."
Emily shuddered.
"Maybe it would be smarter to set a trap for him instead."
"What did you have in mind?" Hanna asked.
"I'm not sure. We should talk to Caleb and Alison first. But…maybe after this weekend. They deserve a little TLC without the added stress of this SOB."
"Are you and Alison doing anything fun?" Hanna questioned.
"I have this scavenger hunt set up that she doesn't know about yet."
Emily was really excited about her idea. Alison had been so caring and attentive about the baby lately. She wanted to take care of her. She wanted to pamper her a little bit.
"That's the corniest…but the sweetest thing I've ever heard." Hanna smiled. "It totally fits for you two."
"What are you and Caleb doing?"
"He won't tell me, but I found a confirmation for a reservation to this really nice Italian place that I love. And I may have gone snooping through his things and found a necklace I've been eyeing for the past three months." She had a bashful look on her face. "He's really too good to me. I told him he doesn't need to spend his money on me. I know he's trying to save up."
"Just learn to say 'thank you'."
"Oh, I do." Hanna nodded. "My vagina says 'thank you' a lot."
Emily nearly doubled over in laughter. Normal moments with her friends kept her sane.
"Just…do me a favor and don't end up like me." She pointed to her belly. "Use me as a cautionary tale."
"I promise to use all the protection." Hanna chuckled.
"That should have been the theme this week. 'Wrap it up with a love-glove'. Diamonds aren't forever, but babies sure are." She folded up the DNA profile pictures. "Can I keep these?"
"Sure. Just be careful. I would hate for your Valentine's Weekend to end up with this psycho shooting an arrow directly into your chest."
"Let's not give the psycho any more ideas." Emily shook her head.
"Here's to hoping that the only kind of arrows that are in your future are soft fluttering hearts fired by an impish man in a diaper."
"Leave it to you to make it sound like the least romantic thing ever." Emily chuckled. "Cupid was a God, you know."
"Could you imagine him on the battlefield? Like...he shoots all these arrows in battle and instead of killing each other, everyone just starts making out?" She thought about something. "Hmm, maybe that's where the 'make love, not war' thing comes from."
"Thanks for that imagery." Emily laughed. The bell rang. "And on that note…we should probably go."
They quickly scurried off to class. Emily tried not to obsess about the new evidence that had been brought to light. She chose to focus more on love than war, at least until after Valentine's Day.
She got to cherish the look on Alison's face when the blonde got two more of her gifts during English class...a dozen roses and a box of chocolate. Alison had stood up in the middle of their lecture and had moved in front of Emily's desk, grabbing her to plant a long sensual kiss against her lips. The teacher had turned a blind eye to it. They were all pretty lenient during Valentine's Week. Anything short of dry-humping and sex was allowed as long as everyone had their clothes on.
Alison had texted her once the teacher made her go back to her seat.
You are too good to me.
Emily smiled and texted back,
We're just getting started.
Ohhh, what's next?
Wait for it...
Emily couldn't wait to show Alison what she had in store. She still had several more things up her sleeve for her girlfriend. One thing about love was the endless possibilities that kept lovers on their toes. Life was full of beautiful and surprising things, but Alison and Emily were on the verge of learning that not all surprises were of the loving variety.
A/N: My friend upon reading this chapter: "Aww, so much love." *pause* "What horrible heinous thing are you about to do to my babies?"
It is actually kind of nice writing sappy things once in a while. Of course I had to go big or go home with not only Emily/Alison, but Emily/Toby, and Emily/Wayne. Emily needs that extra love right now.
Also, Tobias Bieber Cavanaugh.
That is all.