I'll count the days
I'll count the days,
'til I am yours.
I'll save your notes,
From distant shores.
I'll count the days,
Hoping they'll fly.
Friday 28 July 1944
I woke up stupidly early that morning. Well, who wouldn't on their big day? I had a weight on my chest that wouldn't budge, which turned out to be Good Monson, the cat, laying on my chest… although there was a heavy feeling in the air. I was excited to get married… but as I looked at the rotten women's army uniform that I had no choice but to wear, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. As I'd gotten older, I never thought I'd get married, but when I was little, I always dreamed that I'd wear Mamma's wedding dress. Finny would walk me down the aisle, I'd had my heart set on that too. But, you never know what life (more like death) is going to throw at you. Bestemor would always say that we could never go against the Norns and that the tapestry of our lives were already weaved, so our only choice would be to play out its story for the Gods' amusement… she was big on ancient Nordic beliefs my bestemor.
I sighed again, as I dragged myself to my dressing table, still only wearing Don's PT shirt. My hair was a mess from tossing and turning all night, so fuck knows what I was going to do with that. I decided I'd leave the bird's nest for later, dunking my face instead into a basin full of cold water, to wake myself up and wash my face. What? Two birds, one stone.
I heard Mrs Evans' door open, listening as she went downstairs to make breakfast. Ever since I'd told her I was getting married, to an American soldier no less, she seemed to have been avoiding me. Whenever I came back, she seemed to scurry around like she was in a rush to avoid me, which cut me a little, seeing as I'd have liked her to be at my wedding. I really did like Mrs Evans. Tough as she was, in reality she was like a soft mint; she might be cool and hard, but inside, she was soft and sweet. I guess I must have brought up some bad memories for her.
Sighing (and sounding like I was deflating), I turned my attention back to the mirror; the face reflected in it and the photo Dan had given me of the six of us at my house that I'd stuck in the mirror.
Finny, what would you be saying to me right now? I thought, resting my chin in my palm. Is it too soon? Am I being silly? Would I really have gotten married so young if I was still in my time?
"Oh, Fionn, I could really use your advice right now." I watched a tear slide down the face in the mirror, momentarily forgetting myself. I wondered, would they be able to hear me somehow, if I spoke to them? Well, even if they couldn't hear me, I should tell them.
"Mamma, Pappa, Fionn… I'm getting married today. He's tall, he's handsome, and he's a redhead… I know you always said to stay away from those charming Irish boys, didn't you, Pappa? And Fionn, he's very kind and caring, courteous; he opens doors for me, he tries to not let me pay for anything, even though he's almost always skint and he always sticks up for me, if another guy says something rude about me… and you and Pappa will be pleased to know, he hasn't done anything inappropriate with me."
I laughed. Not because I found anything funny; it was the kind of laugh you do when you don't know what else to do. Here I was, sitting in a house of some strange middle-aged woman, who didn't know much of my background, getting married to a man I'd known for two years, having never been on a real date, never met his family, who could really, have been anyone. In the middle of the end of WW2. And I was happy, I was in love.
A sense of guilt hit me in the stomach like a gut punch.
How could I sit here and be happy and in love, when Mamma, Pappa and Fionn were still 80 odd years in the future, grieving over the loss of their daughter?
"I hope that you know, I love you all. I hope that you know, I'll be safe and taken care of when this war ends. I hope that you won't grieve so hard for me, because I'm still here. I might not be with you and you aren't here with me, but you are in my heart. You will always live there. Don knows all about you; he wanted to say thank you, of all things, for bringing me up the way you did. Our children will know all about their grandparents too and their Uncle Finland, because I don't want to be the only one that knew you. I'll give them as much love as you gave me; Mamma, I'll teach them to play the piano and the harp, just like you taught me. I hope that you and our ancestors will watch over my family, in our good times and our bad times, and bless us with your love and guidance."
I had decided to go with a mix of light brown and coral shades of eyeshadow, cat eyeliner, a bit of mascara and a peachy coral matte lipstick (one that I knew wouldn't budge, especially if I was going to be doing a lot of kissing), keeping it simple. Well, there wasn't much point was there if I had to wear that shit. I tried to look on the positive side; Don loved my freckles, telling me he didn't think I needed to be coated in make up to be beautiful to him. As I sat on the side of the bed, fastening my army issue stockings, I looked at the other photo I had, propped up next to the little travel clock beside my bed and I smiled. It was a photo of Don and I, at the Jump Wing Ceremony. We were on stage, in the rec hall, after too much to drink and I was hanging off his arm like Gene Kelly and the lamppost from Singin' in the Rain, probably singing a duet with him. We looked so happy and carefree. I couldn't even remember who took it or when, I just knew that Danni had gotten her hands on it and given it to me as a Christmas present. It was obvious, now that I was looking back that we were already in love with each other, you could tell by the looks on our faces in the photo, but at the time, neither one of us thought the other felt that way out.
As I was reminiscing, there came a knock at my door and Mrs Evans, in a tone of voice that seemed totally alien called my name before she came in.
"I've made you breakfa- God in Heaven what have you got on?" She asked.
Welp. I knew my WAAC uniform was bad, but I never thought it would elicit a response like that out of Mrs Evans. She put the breakfast tray down on my footlocker and shook her head, as I looked on, confused AF. I was even more bewildered when she darted out of the room muttering to herself that she knew this would happen and it would never do.
She seemed to pause at the bedroom door, almost hiding behind the part of wall that obscured my view of her room from mine.
"I've put a lot of thought into this, Ailith." She said, softly. I felt myself gasp as she stepped into view with a beautiful ivory dress on a padded hanger. It was almost like the one Rose wore, in the 3rd class party scene on Titanic, but it was ivory, and the sleeves were sheer and flowy. The back and front were square cut, so it would show off my shoulders and décolletage, while still being modest and there was a sash that went under the bust which was a pretty cornflower blue with a little broach pinned to the front. There was a loop to put your wrist through, so that you wouldn't trip over the train. It was beautiful and I couldn't do anything but cry while Mrs Evans carefully hung it up.
"I couldn't see such a lovely dress go to waste… I don't have any children, so I can't pass this down… but I'd like for you to wear it."
"Oh Mrs Evans!" I cried, throwing my arms around her, giving her probably the first hug she'd had in decades from someone that wasn't her sister. She seemed to be startled at first, but slowly wrapped her arms around me, just like a mother would, just like my mother would and gently patted my hair.
"Now look. You've spoilt your make up. Why don't you wipe it off, we'll eat our breakfast and we can start again."
"Mrs Evans?" I mumbled into her apron, like a little girl.
"Yes?"
"Can I call you mum? Just for today?" Just for today, I wanted a Mum.
There was a quiet pause and finally a motherly sigh, "If you don't mind calling an old woman such as I your mother, I don't mind being called so… for however long you would like to do so."
I laughed as I cried, using the hankie she gave me to wipe my eyes, "I hope you've got a nice hat; mothers of the brides always have to have nice hats."
For the first time since I'd known her, she chuckled.
"Of course I do. Your dearest Daniella provided one. She's also sent you something."
"She has?" Oh that sneak! What had she been up to?
Mrs Evans – Mum – brought up a shoebox with a pair of white heels in and another box with a veil. Oh Danni, what would I do without you, you big sneaky sneak! It looked like I really was going to have the proper wedding I wanted.
"Do you think she's ready yet?" Taylor asked, sitting on the bonnet of her jeep. Bill, who stood leaning against the front of the jeep checked his watch. The wedding was at 1200 and Lith still hadn't appeared.
"You don't think she's not going, do you?" he asked, almost nervous, remembering the drunken panic Malark had had the night before.
"What? Don't be stupid." Taylor scowled at him, just as the front door opened. She was just about to say it's about time, when her voice stuck in her throat. The cig that Bill had just put in his mouth to light fell from his lips as his mouth dropped open, much like Taylor's.
Out of the door, stepped an almost ethereal beauty. Ailtih's hair was set in victory rolls, with the back pinned up at the base of her neck, blue hydrangeas and pink sweet peas adorning the bun. It was topped with a fine, very soft looking veil, which covered her face, trailing behind her. Mrs Evans followed behind her carrying a bouquet of the same flowers, mixed with orange roses and baby's breath, so that Ailith could hold her dress up as she climbed the steps to the garden path. She looked surprised to see them at first, but it soon turned to excitement.
"What are you doing here?" She laughed, embracing her sister, who was sniffling uncontrollably.
"I came to walk you down the aisle; thought you might get lost on the way." Bill chuckled.
"Oh Cheez-Whiz Lithy! You look amazing!" Taylor wiped her face with a hankie Mrs Evans handed her.
"Well?" Ailith stood back and did a slow twirl, showing off her dress. "How do I look?"
"Like a million bucks." Bill smiled, hugging her. To him, he almost felt like he was giving away his little sister. He couldn't wait to see the look on Malark's face when she walked in.
When we got to the church, Danni was outside waiting for us. She clasped her hands in front of her face, as Bill helped me out of the back of the jeep. It wasn't designed for a bride to get out of the back with the rain hood on.
"Oh mah! You're gorgeous Aily." She gasped, as I heard a camera click in the background. Looks like she'd even roped Hall in to get the photos. I had one with Bill, one with Mum, one with Dan and Tay and then one with all 4 of them, before Danni, Taylor, Mum and Hall disappeared into the church.
"You ready?" Bill asked, holding out his arm to me. I shook my head.
"Give me a minute."
After a couple of minutes of me wandering up and down the church path trying to work out my nerves and Bill telling me that there was nothing to worry about because I was the best lookin' bride in Britian, the church door cracked open and out came Buck.
"Oh... Oh! Wow..." He mumbled, before forming a big grin. "Does Our Lord and Saviour know you're here?"
I frowned from under my veil, "What?"
"You look like an angel. I was wondering if he knew you came down to Earth."
"You start pulling cheesy lines like that Buck and Don'll start to get worried." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, what have you come as, my maid-of-honour?"
"Malark wanted to make sure you were really out here."
I laughed. Oh that man. I was just as nervous as he was apparently. Mind you, he wasn't the bride, nor had to have all his friends stare at him as he walked in.
"Tell him, if he thinks I haven't turned up, he's an eejit."
Now Buck laughed, nodding and going back inside the church. Bill stood me in front of the door, setting out my train and veil (doubling as my maid-of-honour as well as father of the bride apparently) and asked if I was ready yet.
"It's now or never."
Inside the church
"You're sure she's there?" I whispered to Skip, who I'd chosen to be my best man. I was beyond nervous; I'd been checking my watch every two minutes since I'd gotten to the church. We had 5 minutes to go and I was starting to panic. Ossy and Wyoming were already there, with Hall and Mrs Evans and Bill had gone to meet Lith this morning.
"I can't let Little Mouse walk in on her own! As her self-declared big brother, I got some kinda responsibility y'know."
"What if she really decided not come?" I asked, looking nervously at my best friends. What if she had decided not to come? Was Bill out there consoling her or trying to change her mind?
Buck, Joe and Penk, my groomsmen rolled their eyes.
"If it makes you feel better, I'll go look." Buck offered, wandering down the aisle to go find out what was going on. He came back a few moments later, with the biggest shit-eating grin I'd ever seen… well since he won me at craps before we jumped. "She said, and I quote, if he thinks I haven't turned up he's an eejit."
Thank God, she's actually there!
The music began to play, the doors opened and everyone stood up, murmuring. Wyoming was with the rest of the ACS, crying already. I was way too nervous to look around, even though I knew she'd just be in her WAAC uniform.
"Hey, Don?" Skip mumbled, taken aback by something.
"What?"
"You might want to turn around."
I turned to him, my eyebrow raised, wondering what he meant. He nodded to the aisle and I'm sure my heart stopped. I'm sure Cupid shot me, right through the chest with all of his arrows and I died and woke up at the Pearly Gates, with this Heavenly angel approaching me. Now, I'm a grown man and I am not afraid to admit that I cried a little when I saw my beautiful bride walking down the aisle.
"Are you crying?" She giggled, as Bill took a step back. She looked a little taller too. I laughed too, nodding, earning a laugh from the others when she suddenly produced a hankie.
"Oh man… you're so beautiful!"