The Compound felt different.
It was tense. There had always been a feeling of disdain, of rolling your eyes at the shenanigans of Kirkwall, shaking your head at ridiculousness. That sort of feeling. Now there was only anger. Javeen could see it clearly.
Aveline was there at the gate, along with a few of her guard. She breathed a sigh of relief as Javeen and the rest approached. "Thank goodness. They won't let me in to see the Arishok. Help me, will you?"
Blankly, Javeen took a few moments to register what she had said. "I...what? Why do you need to see him?"
"I told you, I had a problem to deal with," Aveline said impatiently, "I didn't get a chance to explain since you left to help-"
"Right." She couldn't even think about Isabela right now. Too empty, too much. "I don't know if this is a good time, Aveline."
"It's important Hawke," she insisted, "it needs to be dealt with."
Javeen took a shaky breath. "Fine." And she walked up to the guards.
"We need to see the Arishok," she said, the firmness in her voice feeling fake for once. The guards exchanged a look, and then glanced at the rest.
"Not in this number," one guard said.
Javeen nodded. "What if it was just myself and three guards?"
The guard nodded. "That is acceptable."
It was still rather amicable, but also it was alarming. The quanri were nervous of big numbers. They thought they might attack. Why? What was going on?
Javeen brought Aveline and two of her guardsmen into the Compound, and it was strangely empty in the entrance. Only a few qunari stood along the way to the dais, and they all watched intently every step they took. No work being done, nothing. No sight of viddathari or the non-aantam qunari. Devoid of...of the domestic.
The Arishok was not sitting on his throne. He stood above them all, eyes focused on her. It was like her first meeting with him, where she had no idea what he was thinking or what he wanted. But they were not strangers. He was reasonable and level headed. He was her friend. None of that was pretend or a lie. Whatever this was...there had to be a way to stop it.
"Hawke."
She nodded her head. "Arishok." Bite it down, this fear. You can do this. "I- I've come to help. And my companion here wishes to speak to you about something important."
The Arishok raised his hand. "Before that. Hawke, where is the Tome of Koslun?"
How is it possible that even more dread could fill her stomach? "I don't know where it is right now, but I will help you find it." So long as she found Isabela first. She'd have a chance of survival that way.
He shook his head slightly, eyes bearing into hers. They were on fire. Oh Maker why did she not notice that before? "It is far too late for that."
Heart pounding, she shook her head as well. "Arishok-"
He turned to Aveline. "And you."
Aveline nodded. "Greetings Arishok. I have come to discuss two fugitives that have recently converted to the Qun, and I'd like to discuss custody. I believe the only reason they joined was to escape justice."
Javeen's heart sank.
The Arishok's eyes grew cold. "I know of the viddathari you speak of." He turned to one of his guards. "Bring them."
The guard returned quickly with two elves beside him. Twins, by the look of them. Young too. They were teenagers. "Aveline, what the hell?" Javeen hissed.
"Quiet," she hissed back, standing her ground.
"Here are your so-called fugitives," the Arishok said, almost sneering. "Tell them, viddathari. Whom did you murder and why?"
One of the elves stepped forward. "One of the guardsmen forced himself on our sister. We tried to appeal, to get them to investigate." He glared, pure hatred in his eyes towards Aveline. "But they did nothing. So we paid him a visit instead."
"This was your problem?" Javeen yelled at Aveline. "You have got to be kidding."
"There was an investigation!" Aveline said. "And they still took justice into their own hands, and killed one of my own. Now they are hiding behind the Qunari. You're being used, Arishok."
No, no Aveline, you can't say that, he'll-
The Arishok turned back to Javeen, stepping down from his dais and standing in front of her. "Tell me Hawke, what would you do, had you been in their position?"
If a guard had forced himself on Bethany? Death would be a kindness. These two boys-and they were boys, not men-were fighting against a system that truly did not care about them, or their sister. And she would do the same, if not worse. That was the truth.
"I would do the same."
"Hawke!" Aveline shouted in disbelief. But she flinched away at the look Javeen gave her.
"Then you understand." The Arishok breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. "You understand that this is just a symptom of a failed structure. It is crumbling, and crushing those below it." He opened his eyes, a fury so deep that Javeen stepped back. "And we tire of standing underneath."
Aveline caught on to what he meant immediately. "Arishok, you can't-"
The Arishok held up one silencing finger, snarling at her interruption. "You should be grateful that I will rebuild."
Tears filled Javeen's eyes, but they did not fall just yet. "Arishok...you know I can't let you do that."
His expression softened, sadness filling his eyes, but no tears like her. "Yes. You must do what your duty demands, just as I."
There was a pause where it was just the two of them. The last moment as friends. And then he broke it, with a simple command. "Vinek kathas."
Javeen's eyes went wild, but she reacted quicker. She pushed Aveline out of the way of the many spears raining down upon them, skewering the two guardsmen that had joined them.
In her shock, Javeen glanced at the Arishok for a few moments as the next wave of qunari guard raised their spears. Aveline grabbed her hand and pulled as hard as she could. "Too open, let's GO!"
They escaped the Compound with spears landing near their feet.
Outside the Compound chaos had broken out. Javeen heard screams in the distance, smoke rose from buildings as large groups of Kirkwallers fled. The qunari had already begun their attack further in. She and Aveline searched desperately for their companions in the crowd, finding them a fair bit away, tucked away in a corner to assess the situation. Merrill immediately ran out and threw her arms around Javeen.
"Oh, thank the Creators you're okay!" she cried, "I-I thought you might be captured, or-or-!"
Javeen was so far from being okay that she said nothing.
"Okay, okay," Varric said nervously, "what's the plan?"
And they all looked at her. The plan? What the hell did they want from her? What plan, there was no plan! This was never supposed to happen! Oh Gods, how was she supposed to stop her friends from killing her friends?
Fenris cleared his throat, after Javeen did not answer. "They are likely headed towards the seat of power, the Viscount's Keep. They'll be capturing everyone with some semblance of structural power they come across. Nobles, usually. That is how they take over."
Take over. Those words rung in Javeen's brain, smashing every crevice as it deafened her. As she started to shake, Merrill put her hands on her cheeks. "Ma'vhenan, listen. All we need to do is go directly to the Keep, and we'll talk him down. We will avoid the battle as much as possible. You don't have to kill anyone."
"What, Merrill, that's completely-" Aveline started, but Merrill shot her a glare.
"If we stop the Arishok sooner, we can stop the attack sooner."
"O-okay," Javeen nodded slowly, "that's the plan."
Having spent a lot of their time avoiding crowds, finding shortcuts away from the chaos of everything was not too difficult. It was like all those times before were leading to this point. It was a relief...and yet it wasn't. They were avoiding the battle but...that didn't mean they couldn't hear the screams. That they couldn't see the damage around them. Occasionally, they found Kirkwallers bundled up in hiding places, shivering in terror.
There were bodies too. Mostly of guardsmen. A few qunari too. With each qunari body they found, Javeen knew how closer they were to their doom. Arishok, you knew this. Why?
Halfway through the trek, they stumbled upon a scene that stopped Javeen dead in her tracks. A line of guardsmen, bows armed and ready, pointing at very familiar faces. The faces of the viddathari, all elven, all young. Camlen was among them. He was in the front, shielding as many as he could.
No. No, they wouldn't...they were mostly kids...
The qunari who lead the viddathari lay dead on the ground. Amongst him lay the corpses of a few guardsmen and viddathari. Now all that remained were these green viddathari who never went into battle before today, against a line of people who fight everyday. The leader of these guardsmen had his hand up, staring at the viddathari.
No...no!
"Hold!" Javeen screamed as she ran towards them. "Don't-"
They loosed the arrows.
Before they got a second round of arrows before a large vine rose from the ground and whipped them across the ground. Tears in her eyes, Merrill rushed forward to join Javeen, hands still glowing green. Javeen slid on her knees to Camlen, who had been hit in several places. Leg, shoulder, stomach. Bad places. If she removed the arrows too soon, he'd bleed out.
The rest of the viddathari lay unmoving.
Javeen fought back the horror in her stomach-Camlen needed her to think straight. What he needed was medical attention, and they didn't have time to seek out Anders...they had no idea where he was at the moment. The only thing she could do for him is to find the nearest qunari who would know where the healers were. She quickly broke off half of each of the arrows, and lifted him over her shoulder.
She couldn't spare a look back at the viddathari. They had to move.
"Hawke..." Aveline said, guiltily and yet somewhat accusative. She was conflicted, helping a qunari while her own were fighting against them. But it was hard to raise an objection after literally watching her own people murder kids. Javeen said nothing to her.
But she would demand those guardsmen be arrested when this was over.
Camlen was delirious, but still conscious. He kept mumbling something unintelligible. Javeen searched desperately for the qunari, but they must have moved on closer to the Keep. They had cleared the way. Empty, save for the Kirkwallers hiding.
Shadows appeared in the corner of her eyes as she ran. A familiar one, smokey with glowing eyes. Father was watching her failure.
They reached HighTown in less than an hour. It was eerily quiet. But for the first time in a while, Javeen spotted qunari. They...they were finishing up, capturing two nobles and taking them in the direction of the Keep. A Sten was in charge, with a Saarebas at his side. She gritted her teeth. There was nothing she could do right now about the nobles-Camlen took priority and couldn't risk antagonizing them. Besides, Fenris made it clear they weren't killing the nobles. Just capturing them.
When was the last time she was so concerned about the nobles? She'd laugh if things weren't so fucking hellish.
She motioned for her companions to stay back. Fenris shook his head, it was definitely a bad idea. But it was the only way to make sure Camlen ended up in the hands of his allies. So she went alone.
Hold, Sten! Javeen shouted in Qunlat, making the Sten grab his weapon in surprise. But once he saw it was her, he relaxed somewhat and let go of his spear. He tilted his head curiously when he noticed Camlen on her shoulder.
Basalit-an..." He moved forward, his Saarebas following behind him. What has happened to the viddathari?"
They-they are dead," Javeen's voice trembled. Please. He is the only one who survived. Take him to the healer-to a Saarebas. I don't know where they are."
The Sten's eyes strained when she said they had all died, but he kept his composure. He immediately waved one of his men over. "Take the viddathari to the healer. Do not stop until you reach him."
The Ashaad took Camlen gently, easily carrying him over the shoulder. Javeen breathed a sigh of relief as they both disappeared into the town, away from eyes of the guard. Please make it there.
The Sten was still eyeing her. He looked even more deadly serious than normal. Suddenly, there was an air of danger. "Basalit-an." He said, sighing. "It is my command that I capture all the nobles in Kirkwall."
Coldness gripped her stomach. "Sten-"
"I cannot go against the Arishok."
Javeen squeezed her hand into a fist. "I know. I know."
But wait. No, this could work out better. She'd be taken directly to the Arishok. All she needed to do is get to him. She glanced behind her as her companions watched nervously. "Look. I'll go willingly, we don't have to fight. Just...all I ask for is that my companions come with me, even if it's only so far. They don't need to see the Arishok, but I need to know they're not out here getting killed."
The Sten frowned, but he nodded. "Very well. But they will be watche-"
And then there was an arrow through his chest.
Javeen was thrown off her feet as the Saarebas reacted with a force spell that deflected arrows from hitting himself. When she struggled to sit up and see what was happening, it was already over. There was a long blade through the Saarebas' heart, and all the magical glow disappeared. Javeen was splattered with red as the blade was withdrawn, and the Saarebas fell to his knees. His killer was a woman, ice blonde hair and eyes that looked frighteningly like Javeen's, only natural. She was decked out in incredibly high quality armour, and on her head sat a small crown-like tiara-religious paraphernalia.
Javeen had seen her before only in passing, but she knew she was a high ranking official in Kirkwall.
Her brain was foggy with shock. She only stared as the woman extended a hand to lift her up, Javeen didn't even remember taking it. She just stared in horror as the Sten and Saarebas bled out.
"I know you," the woman said. "Hawke, yes?"
Javeen's eyes darted to the woman, half crazed with grief and anger. But if she reacted in any way negatively, revealed that she was not against the qunari in this...she could risk being arrested or being treated just like the two dead on the ground. She nodded.
"Good. I am Meredith." She eyed Javeen's companions, who were running to their side. "I believe you have better insight on how this attack began. You have dealt with these creatures before, yes?"
Merrill wrapped her arms around Javeen's. Leaning her head, she whispered "I'm sorry."
"I have." The answer made bile boil in her throat.
"Then we are allies in this. I am glad I stopped your capture." Meredith sheathed her sword.
Javeen looked at the corpses in front of her. If she saw Camlen's body as well...she would slit this woman's throat regardless of Kirkwall turning on her.
"We must head to the Keep, that is where they are taking the nobles. Is there any reason why this started now, of all times?"
Javeen's eye twitched. "The Qunari have suffered severe losses as of late."
If Meredith cared at all about that statement, she showed no signs. "Hm. I assume you planned to cut the head off this rebellion at the source? Good. That is my plan as well. Let us be off."
Fuck. If this Meredith was with them, getting to the Arishok to talk will be near impossible. Maybe it would be better to take her out now? Javeen's brain blazed with ideas, of what was best, but she couldn't settle on one plan. She blinked, and suddenly they were in a different area, close to the Keep. But there was a battle winding down to the last, a battle against qunari and mages. Mages.
Oh no.
An elf in dressed in long dark robes and held an elaborate staff in his hands made her think that was the First Enchanter Bethany told her about. He was searching around the bodies of the mages, dread in his eyes. Javeen found herself running, joining his search. It dod not take her long to find her sister on the ground, unmoving.
"Beth!" Javeen yelled, falling to her knees beside her. She shook her hard, flashes of mother clouding her eyes. For a moment, Javeen told herself if Bethany was dead she'd kill everyone. Everyone in this fucking city.
But Bethany stirred. She was bloodied, but alive.
Javeen slumped in relief as all the breath she was holding came out. "Sis?" Bethany croaked, and Javeen nodded.
"It's me."
"Oh, thank the Maker," the elf said, kneeling beside them. "You're okay. Here." His hands glowed with blue healing light.
"First Enchanter," Bethany cried, "the others-"
"I'm sorry child...they are gone."
She covered her face. "No..."
"I'm sorry Beth," Javeen said, giving her a little hug. Guilt stabbed at her heart knowing their killers were people she loved too. "But we have to keep moving. Are you good to walk?"
Bethany rubbed at her eyes and nodded. "I'll be okay."
Their allies gathered to talk about the plan moving forward, but Bethany tugged at Javeen's arm and pulled her aside.
"What is going on?" she demanded in a whisper. "Didn't you..I mean, weren't you with the qunari for months? Why...why did they do this?"
"They lost a lot of people from Chantry zealots," Javeen whispered back, "it's complicated."
"Is that it?!" Bethany seethed, "and they decide to take over an entire city? I can't believe it, so much for loyalty to friends."
"It's...there are things at play more important than me, Beth."
"They could have just left if they were losing people."
Javeen shook her head. "They couldn't leave-"
"Yes, they could have!" she hissed. "There is no excuse for this! My friends are dead!"
"As is theirs." That came out before she could stop it. But it was true.
Bethany's eyes widened at her. "Are you going to fight against them?"
Javeen paused. "I'm going to try and stop this."
"You're going to get yourself killed."
She said it so bitterly. Of course. If Javeen was gone, Bethany would be all alone. She'd never have an out from the Circle. She'd be the last Hawke. Javeen pulled Bethany down and rested her forehead on hers.
"I will not die."
Bethany bit her lip to keep it from trembling. "You better not."
Meredith and the First Enchanter broke them out of their moment by fighting. Arguing over who should continue to lead. Javeen gritted her teeth. Stupid. "Enough!" she yelled. "I will lead us. Now stop squabbling like children and lets finish this."
Big words coming from the one who was the most terrified. But if she could control even just a little of this...
It was quiet at the Keep. They approached cautiously and hid behind a nearby shed for the gardens to get a good look at the front. It was currently being manned by a lot of qunari guards. Aveline peeked around the corner, biting her lip.
"I don't see any of the guard."
"The question is whether we go through by force, or attempt to sneak in." Meredith's lip curled at the last one.
They had to sneak in. But they couldn't do that without a distraction. They'd kill so many if they went through by force. But so would the distraction. Her heart ached at the choice she made. "You two will distract the guard as my team and I sneak through."
"I will stay and help with the distraction," Bethany said immediately.
Javeen gritted her teeth. She really wanted to keep Beth by her side to keep her safe...but once Bethany chooses something she wouldn't back down. "Only help if they need it."
She fought back the urge to scream as Meredith and the First Enchanter approached the guard...but once the qunari noticed them it was time. They made their way to the door...while magic exploded in the background and battle cries rang and died.
The door of the Keep closed behind them, and then there was silence.
No guard in this foyer. No sounds at all. In the moment of quiet Javeen could finally think. What she was going to say to him. How she was going to fix this. The Qunari had to leave Kirkwall, but how to get them out, how to convince the Arishok to leave...how?
There was a way.
She glanced at Merrill. Her heart broke into too many pieces, but she knew what she had to do.
Every step forward was heavy. The stairs seemed to go on forever. But they did stop, and past the next door stood several qunari guards.
They were battle ready with weapons drawn, but once they saw who went through the door their stances relaxed slightly. One whispered a command to another, who nodded and went through the door that would lead to the main room. Javeen's heart clenched, nervous that they were calling the Arishok-but it wasn't. It was the healer who came back with him.
Javeen swallowed the lump in her throat. "Healer."
He sighed deeply, and approached the edge of the stairs. "Hello, Hawke. I see you did not take my advice."
"Hah. No."
"I should have expected that." He frowned. "This is normally the part where we attack you to protect the Arishok."
"Being a threat is not my intent," Javeen said heavily.
He shook his head. "You did not let me finish. Your title of basalit-an grants you a chance to speak with him. As well as your actions bringing the injured viddathari here."
Javeen stepped forward. "Is he-?"
"He will live."
Javeen let out a long breath. Thank gods.
The healer stared at her, piercing her with tired eyes. "Do you think you can stop this?"
She nodded, using all her willpower not to look back at her companions. "I won't make everyone happy. But I think I can."
With heavy shoulders, the healer stepped aside. "Then go."
When Javeen walked through the door, what she saw wasn't a typical hostage situation. None of the nobles were tied up, nor did they have a scratch on them. They stood near the long steps up towards the Viscount's office, huddled together and watching their surroundings with wide eyes. They were guarded by two- a Sten and an Aashad. Many looked in horror at the scene just beside them.
Crumpled on the floor, blood still freshly pooling, was Viscount Dumar, cut down by the Arishok's waraxe. Blood still dripped from it as the Arishok stood above the body, face as stony as always. It was a terrible thing, but Javeen felt little over it. She hated Dumar. Hated, because he refused to listen, refused to be accountable, refused to speak to his own damn people about what was going on.
But still. She thought of Saemus. He would have been crushed by this.
The Arishok said nothing as she approached. He was not at all surprised to see her. It had to be her who spoke first.
"...you shouldn't have done that, Arishok."
For once, he did not frown at the criticism. "He did not surrender. I suspect it was the only brave act he ever committed."
"Be that as it may-"
"Broken leadership only harms its own people," the Arishok continued. "And he was broken long before this moment. I have only helped Kirkwall in removing him."
Javeen looked at him with tired eyes. "And you are not broken?"
He did not answer for a long time. "...the Arishok does not break."
Liar. She could hear it in his voice, even he was doubting it. He had to know his people were losing outside. No matter how many deaths or destruction they caused, they were losing. They had been losing ever since they were shipwrecked.
"You know this has to end, Arishok. Your people are dying out there."
"It cannot end without the Tome of Koslun," he said calmly, "we will not leave without it. We will gather resources here to assist in our search. Or die. That is the way of things."
The resources being extra people and the scraps of leftovers from the battle. It was easier to survive in a city that you won, and she was sure he had already sent agents to hunt down Isabela for the Tome. But this was the first time they had a lead. They could leave...if they had a ship and someone who had an idea of where it was and...and who took it.
Javeen would do everything she could to find Isabela and take the Tome...before the Arishok did. She didn't have to die. She made one mistake, she shouldn't have to die for it.
"There is another way."
His eyes narrowed at her. "This is the closest you've gotten to the Tome," she continued, her heart pounding, "and...and it would be better to chase it while it's still close. If you go now, you could still find it. I will..."
The Arishok drew in sharp breath.
"I will go with you."
As expected her companions reacted immediately. "Hawke, you can't be serious," Varric said, unable to hide the hurt in his voice. The others voiced their own as well.
Merrill stayed silent.
"I am serious," Javeen confirmed. "I am a better resource than Kirkwall. You don't need it if I go with you."
"Hawke," the Arishok said firmly, "you cannot simply follow us."
She nodded. Oh, she knew quite well what it meant to go with them. She'd never come back to Kirkwall. She would lose her manor, her title, her family name, everything. No more adventures, nobles pissing her off, no more hitting her head against the wall with the templar/mage conflicts. No more card games lasting into the morning with Isa and Varric and everyone. No more sleepless nights because Mother's room is still next to hers, empty. Her heart clenched. No more letters from Bethany. No more waking up next to Merrill's sleeping face, or smiling as she learns how to repair roof leaks for the elves in the Alienage.
No more Javeen Hawke. But someone else.
And that person will enjoy life just as much as Javeen Hawke. That person is valuable, they will find a place. They may even be happier, in time. No. They will be happier.
"I will not just follow you, Arishok." He knew what was coming next. She could see the faintest smile on the corner of his lips, though he did his best to make sure it was unnoticed. "I will joi-"
"That won't be necessary."
Javeen blinked. That voice is...
She turned around slowly. She couldn't believe it, even as she saw her. Isabela dodged the qunari guard that went for her, or rather, went for the giant book in her arms. The healer, who had followed behind her, stared confused at the whole situation, so he stayed back. It wasn't as if he could fight her anyway. With a swift motion, she stepped over the knocked out guard and went straight towards the Arishok, shoving the book into his hands.
"You'll find it intact. Mostly." She grinned and winked at Javeen.
"I..." Javeen sputtered. "I thought you'd be long gone."
Isabela chuckled. "Almost. I was halfway to getting the hell out of here for good when I knew I had to turn back. That's definitely your fault, you know."
Javeen's heart swelled with pride at Isabela's expression. It was...it was happy. It was peaceful. Determined. Righteous. It was so beautiful.
For the first time ever that Javeen had ever seen, the Arishok was dumbfounded. He started at the priceless artifact in his hands, and a world of burden and agony fell off his shoulders. He ran his fingers down the cover of the Tome, saying a quiet prayer to himself in Qunlat. Javeen smiled at him.
"Arishok. You can go home now. You're free."
The qunari all stepped forward. She saw all the familiar faces that she hadn't noticed before because she could only focus on him. The Mashaar was there, far in the back, kept protected by more guard. She gripped the railing in shock, mouth agape. She could not tear her eyes away from the Tome. Kaaras was beside her, still wrapped in bandages and leaning against the railing for support. But there was life in his expression once more. In all of them.
Joanna stood beside them. Tears fell down her face, and she quickly wiped them. They were all going home.
The Arishok took a long, well deserved breath of relief. "Yes. We can all go home, after so long. We will return to Par Vollen at once."
Then his head turned sharply towards Isabela.
"With the thief."
Javeen's smile twitched, now frozen in place. Horror threatened to upturn her stomach, her knees nearly gave out. No. No nononononnono-
"Y-you can't take her."
She said it so pathetically weak. But that was all the strength she had at the moment.
"She stole our most sacred text," the Arishok snarled coldly, "and you thought we would not punish her for that? You are naive."
"WE WILL PUNISH HER," Javeen screamed suddenly, making the people around her jump. Her breathing became jagged, soon she would hyperventilate.
The Arishok was silent for a moment. Everyone was silent. He closed his eyes and let out a pitying sigh. "The Qun demands an answer for this Hawke. I cannot...I will not walk away from my duty."
Javeen shook her head, her voice breaking. "I can't let you take her."
He nodded. "Yes. You are as bound to your duty as I am. There is only one way to settle this. An honourable duel, between only us. Whoever prevails will determine her fate."
"No!" Isabela screamed. "If you will duel anybody, duel me!"
His lip curled enough that one of his fang's showed. "You are unworthy. I will not sully myself by duelling a vashedan thief."
"You fucking-!"
He turned his sharp eyes back to Javeen, who was shaking. "If we do not duel, you will fight all of us. It is your decision Hawke."
"I..." Javeen swayed again, "I-!"
Varric sat back on his hostage seat, sighing.
The woman named Cassandra raised an eyebrow. "You look distressed. What's wrong."
He chuckled, but his heart wasn't in it. "This is a stressful situation you know. Being held against my will, telling a story against my will."
Cassandra scoffed. "I doubt that."
It was true, Varric wasn't as stressed as he should be in this situation. Cassandra threatened his life, but that was so commonplace it no longer bothered him. No. What was stressful was...this part of the story. The Arishok. The qunari. Hawke's injury, and her choices. What happened in the end. Seeing your friend be destroyed from the inside as you watch helplessly was something even Varric couldn't shake, couldn't forget.
Not even he knew it all. He never could have guessed the qunari would affect her so much, and mean so much to her. If he had...maybe he could have helped, somehow. Made sure what happened didn't. But it was far too late for that.
But Hawke befriending the qunari...befriending the Arishok. Only a few people knew that even happened. It might get her into trouble if that spread. These people that Cassandra lead, they sure as hell wouldn't like the idea. And he'd be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to protect her. He already failed to do that all those years ago.
He gritted his teeth. And you know what? The Arishok didn't deserve Hawke. He didn't deserve her devotion and friendship. Like hell he would tell people he had been...had been loved.
"Can I have a drink?" Varric asked, knowing full well she would not oblige.
She just glared.
Varric put his hands up. "Fine, fine. Alright...where did I leave off?" He scratched his chin, pretending to think. "Oh, yes. The qunari. Troublesome folk, as I'm sure you're aware. Hawke thought so too. She didn't really get too close to them...though there were sure some weird rumours that she did. I can say for certain, they were lies."