What's up guys? How is everyone doing in quarantine? I hope you guys like this chapter!
Zatanna had finished helping Meg with the team's thanksgiving dinner and they had talked a little bit about how she was feeling. She was starting to think she wasn't going to be able to brush aside her feelings for much longer. At least not today. It had always just been her and her dad, it was so surreal not having him with her today.
Everything had happened so quickly she had been focusing on adjusting and not her father. It had almost felt like one big nightmare, granted there had been a few good parts. But now...she was realizing just how alone she was. What was going to happen to her? Sure she had the Manor and the team for now, but what about when she was older? Would she never get her father back?
She reached up and to her horror realized there were tears streaming down her face. She did not want people to see her crying. She had worked hard to earn a position on the team and she didn't want anyone thinking she was weak.
She furiously wiped them away and tried to pull herself together as she reached the zeta platform. She beamed back to the batcave and was happy to see that it was empty. She made her way up to her room quickly, she wasn't going to be able to hold back the water works for much longer.
She entered her room and closed the door before sinking to the floor with her back against it. She pulled her knees up and rested her hands in her face and cried. For the first time since the night after it happened when Dick found her, she sobbed.
There was nothing to distract her right now, there weren't people she had to be strong for. SHe just let it out. She didn't know how long she had been on the floor when she finally managed to stop them.
Zatanna sniffed and pushed herself up and made her way to her bed. She got in and pulled the covers around her because she didn't want to feel so lonely. She hadn't meant to fall asleep but she did.
Zatanna woke to a cool hand on her cheek and she opened her eyes slowly to see Dick. He was in his usual lounge wear and he smiled down at her when she had looked at him.
Zatanna placed her hand on top of his and sighed.
"How are you?" DIck asked her softly.
"I don't really know." She bit back another sob as she answered even though she didn't want to cry in front of him.
Dick nodded and gestured to the bed, "Can I sit?"
Zatanna scooted over instantly, Dick had always been good at making her feel better. She was hoping that this wouldn't be an exception.
He sat on top of the blankets and leaned against her headboard.
"You miss him Zatanna, no one could fault you for that."
The magician sighed, "I know, I just...I don't want anyone to think I'm weak."
Dick nodded and looked down at her again, "I used to think like that too, still do if I'm being honest. But the only way to move forward with things is to let it all out. Once you do everything becomes a little bit clearer."
Zatanna was silent for a second, "I just don't want to think about it at all.'
"I know that seems easier Zee, but the fact is, that just makes it harder to cope with in the long run."
Zatanna let out a shaky sigh and scooted closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her and she laid her head on his stomach.
"But you don't understand, DIck"
She felt his hand move to her head and he started to stroke her hair. She gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly.
"It's my fault he's gone. I put the helmet on! If I wouldn't have done that, if I would have been strong enough on my own, this wouldn't have happened! See I know why Batman trains you so much now, you wouldn't have done that! A league member wouldn't have done it either!"
Zatanna started crying again as she revealed to him why she hated thinking about it, he must have known this already but it still hurt to admit.
He shushed her quietly and continued to stroke her hair and back, "It is not your fault Zatanna. You were doing what you thought you had to. Wally and Kalder have used the helmet before too, we didn't know what fate would do. If you hadn't put it on then who knows what would have happened."
She continued to cry, " But if I hadn't put it on Fate wouldn't have had to take Dad."
"Your dad loves you, that's why he did that. I'm sure he's happy to be serving Fate if it means you're here with us. And that you can have a life. You and your dad helped to save the world, you remember what was happening before, don't you? Kids going crazy, babies left alone, houses on fire, car crashes. You helped to stop all of that and your dad saved you. That's what parents do."
She heard him sigh and wrapped his other arm around her too, "I know it's hard to accept but there isn't anything that anyone could have done. You did what you had to just like we all do, it's all any of us can do. Sometimes things don't go according to plan. What's important now is that you focus on your training and keep doing all that you can."
Zatanna silently took in everything that he said and sighed, "I guess you're right, and it is hard to accept."
He continued stroking her hair and she relaxed into him, "I'm going to make him proud. I'll do what I can for people who can't fight for themselves because that's what he would do."
"I'm sure he will be proud, Zee."
Zatanna pulled herself up so that her head was resting on his shoulder before resting against him again.
"Thank you, Dick. You always know what to say." She looked up and kissed his cheek and he smiled gently at her.
"I'm very glad I could help. I'll always be here."
She smiled to herself and closed her eyes, "I know."
Zatanna was dozing against Dick when she heard him sigh.
"I've got about an hour before I've got to leave."
Zatanna let out a breath unhappily and heard him laugh lighty.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"Bruce will be back soon and he's making me go with him to a thanksgiving banquet for Wayne Enterprises. The team is having dinner in about an hour and a half by the way. I'm sorry that we don't do anything here, we just normally go to the banquet."
She nodded, "It's okay, I know you guys have roles to play."
She felt Dick nod, "Will you go to the team's diner?"
Zatanna opened her eyes and looked up at him. He looked worried and she smiled sweetly up at him.
"Worried about me, are you?"
He laughed a little, "A bit. You don't have to be alone."
She nodded, "I'll go."
He smiled at her, "Okay good. We'll probably be home around eleven but if you're back and awake I'll stop by before patrol."
"Sounds good Wonder Boy. I'll come say bye before you leave for the banquet"
She pushed herself off of him.
She watched him leave then she rubbed her face and made her way to her bathroom.
She was glad she hadn't worn makeup earlier because it would have been all smeared now. Her face was a little puffy from crying though. She washed her face quickly then changed into black skinny jeans and a blue sweater. Then she brushed her hair out and headed out her door.
Dick's door was open so she walked in and made herself comfortable on his bed. She turned onto her side and texted artemis to ask if she would be going to the team's dinner. She heard the bathroom door open and turned to face it.
Dick walked out in slacks and a white button up with his hair slicked back. He looked good, it made him look a little bit older though.
He smiled at her, "Missed me already, huh?"
She rolled her eyes, "No, I just knew you would be missing me."
He laughed and headed into his closet before coming out with a suit jacket over his arm and a tie in his hand.
"Iet ot em." Zatanna muttered and the tie flew to her hand.
She smirked at Dick and gestured for him to come closer. She stood as he walked over, he was a little taller than her now.
He stood still as she flipped his collar up and wrapped the tie around his neck. She tied the tie into a perfect knot and tightened it around his neck gently. When she was done she flipped the collar back into place and soothed it down.
Dick was watching her intently and he smiled at her when she finished, "Thanks." He whispered.
She smirked at him, "Any time, birdie."
He leaned down slightly and kissed her forehead before backing up and pulling his jacket on. He took her hand and they walked out the door and down the steps together. When they got to the bottom she pulled him into a hug, "Thanks again, Dick. You really helped me."
He squeezed her a little tighter and nodded, "I mean it, anytime."
They let go and she smiled one more time before making her way back up the stairs.
She really did feel better, she was starting to accept that it really wasn't her fault. There wasn't anything she could do about how things ended up. All she could do was make her father proud of her and help everyone she was able to.