Wedding day
"I never thought I'd be this nervous about getting married to my childhood crush" says Jade
"has anything happened to the relationship that could make you nervous" asks Cat
"I mean I'm pregnant but otherwise no" says Jade
"you're what" asks Cat
"I got my period day wrong this month, I thought it was last week but it was this week, yesterday actually" says Jade
"did you take a pregnancy test" Asks Tori
"yeah, honestly I couldn't be happier about it but Robbie is super nervous about it" says Jade
"you start a job tomorrow, you sure it's going to be ok" asks Cat
"ya I told Han about it, I don't think I'll need time off work till about month six or seven and he agreed that Robbie could take over manager for that time off or Tori could if Robbie wants to spend time with me towards the end" says Jade
With Robbie
"did Jade tell you she's pregnant" says Robbie
"um no, congratulations dude, when" asks Beck
"last night, she mixed up her period, she thought it was last week, she seems oddly excited about it, we can't take time off nine months into a new job" says Robbie
"duude you're her childhood crush, you approved of her childhood wedding dream and now she's going to carry your kid, ya of course she's going to be excited, you should be too, I'm sure she told her boss about it" says Andre as Han walks in
"she did indeed tell me, you don't need to worry about a thing Robbie, she anticipates taking a leave of absence after seven months but if anything happens sooner I have the other managers on call ready to take over some duties, after three months she qualifies for Wanko's employee insurance, which thankfully now includes prenatal care" says Han
"since when does a companies insurance cover prenatal" asks Andre
"Jade is a very important hire, as a well respected local survivor of the record world collapse she's seen as the expert on all things music and acting, when she applied corporate went nuts, making huge changes to policy so she could get the wage the locals requested, as of tomorrow she's our highest paid employee at forty-five dollars an hour" says Han
"that's unheard of anywhere for a Wankos employee" says Robbie
"indeed but she literally stocked the entire new music department of Wankos in three hours, I had earmarked a week to stock all those shelves" says Han
"the shelves and bins were half full though right" asks Robbie
"nope, we bought out Record worlds supply of music, records and everything, the shelves and bins had only come in that morning so they were empty, and everything was transferred to active stock that is on the shelves, Jade is very efficient it would seem" says Han
"that's pretty typical for her though, when she's trying to show she can do a job she does it as effectively as possible, that's why her old boss stood up for her against the claims of record world, he got fired for it too" says Robbie
"well it's wedding time, everyone is waiting" says Han
"well here goes nothing, let's hope I don't start stuttering" says Robbie
15 minutes later vow time
"so who would like to say their vows first" says Priest Paul as Jade signals
"I'm just so emotional right now, I've wanted this since I was six, never in a million years did I think I'd be standing here today with the guy I kissed at age five, or carrying his kid, also never had I believed I'd be wearing my princess dress I've been wanting since I was three, anyway this is a dream come true, I'm happy to know that this isn't a dream, yes I had to check, that I'm standing here with the love of my life, someone please pinch me" says Jade as Robbie chuckles
"I never thought I'd be here today, not only because of the pressure and pain Jade has put me through over the years but because I've wanted this since that first kiss at my fourth birthday, I was shocked that someone so pretty would kiss me, a nerd, over the past six months we've had our fights and we've made up more than enough times to be considered crazy by anyone but our friends, I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us" says Robbie
"ok we kind of did this out of order because Jade was crying so much, do you Robertus Hellen Shapiro take Jade Gertrude West as your lawfully wedded wife till death do you part" says Priest Paul
"I do" says Robbie
"do you Jade Gertrude West take Robbie Hellen Shapiro as your lawfully wedded husband till death do you part" says Priest Paul
"I do" says Jade as they put on the rings
"I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride" says Priest Paul as they kiss
"ok everyone the food is going to come out shortly, youngest first" says Jade as the kids run to the food table
"I can't believe we're finally married babe" says Robbie
"me neither actually, I can't believe how many people dressed up, are we sure we made sure there was enough food, there are a lot of people here" says Jade as Cat walks over with a plate full of food
"you left the food up to me Jade and you should know that I always make sure there are left overs, I was actually expecting a bigger crowd from work, I made sure the caterer made quadruple the food, we'll be eating wedding food for weeks which is good because you will need that extra food, you're growing a little Shapiro in there" says Cat poking Jade's belly
"I'm not sure I want to keep it anymore, I'm not ready for a kid" says Jade scared
"please don't kill it Jadey, you've been talking about having kids since Valentine's day" says Robbie
"you know this is your fault, you promised me my period was last week" says Jade upset
"right like I'm supposed to follow you into the bathroom every time, no Jade that's not how this works" says Robbie
"Jade….. calm…… down, this isn't anyone's fault, you were clearly meant to have Robbie's kid" says Hannah
"oh like you'd know anything about that" says Jade upset
"ok either she's really stressed or she's a hell of a lot farther along than one day, I was forced to have my dad's kid so ya Jade I'd know a thing or two about pregnancy" says Hannah
"guess it's a trip to the doctors then" says Beck
"no I'm not more than a day pregnant, every time Robbie and I have natural sex I check, yesterday night was the first positive result, sometimes I double check, trust me beck, I am not missing my own reception, Robbie can take me to the hospital after the reception" says Jade
"you know getting pregnant can cause pre existing chemical imbalances to be overblown" says Hannah
"did you have an imbalance" asks Jade calming down
"oh ya, you bet I did, I had serious anger issues even before I was pregnant, turns out it was a vitamin D deficiency that only made my anger worse once I was pregnant, Bianca would have been four yesterday had I not shaken her to death out of frustration, I was too young and she looked too much like my dad, I lost it, my dad stayed away from me for the most part after that" says Hannah
"wait your dad raped you for six years, so you were first raped at eight years old" says Jade
"yup now eat that cake, it's amazing, in fact double up on foods, trust me you'll thank me later" says Hannah
"ok but one question, could Robbie and I still have sex while I'm pregnant, because I can't get over the feeling" says Jade
"as long as he's careful and wears a sleeve ya, I've only had consensual sex twice so I have no idea how to be careful that way but that's what my doctor told me" says Hannah
"is Beck good" says Jade as they head over to get food
"amazing, I don't know why I didn't get up the nerve to make him take me home early in the year, he's passionate, careful and listens to everything and adjusts as needed" says Hannah
"ya you'd have been away from your father a lot earlier but things happen for a reason" says Jade
"take your own advice there Jade, things happen for a reason, keep the baby" says Hannah
"ok" says Jade
Hospital after blood and pregnancy test
"ok so you are pregnant but you have vitamin imbalances" says the nurse
"would that explain my crabbiness" asks Jade
"along with the hormones from being a day pregnant, it's possible but you can't go to work unless we stabilize the vitamins imbalance" says the nurse
"how long would that take, she starts a new job tomorrow" asks Robbie
"a few hours, you will need a good night's sleep as well Jade" says the nurse
"that won't be a problem" says Jade
At home that night
"why did I think being pregnant would mean I can sleep easy, all I can think of is baby names" says Jade
"same here Jadey, maybe if we talk about what names we like it will help" says Robbie
"I like Paige for a girl and Daniel for a boy" says Jade already feeling tired
"I like Hannah or Annabelle for a girl and Hank or Christian for a boy….. and she's asleep" says Robbie
The next morning
"did I actually fall asleep last night" asks Jade
"yup, we were about to have a conversation about baby names and your eyes were closed by the time I was finished speaking, why" says Robbie
"because I haven't felt this energetic in years, maybe not since I was nine which would actually explain a lot" says Jade
"well it's time for our first day of work" says Robbie
"also if our daughter is going to be named Anna anything it's going to be Annabeth not Annabelle, Annabelle sounds like some sixties stripper name" says Jade
"fair enough babe, now seriously let's get to work" says Robbie
After work
"ok what medication did the hospital put Jade on, I was only supposed to sign autographs for half an hour, instead the rest of my shift was signing autographs, for three hours I was signing autographs" says Tori
"vitamins is your answer Tori, Hannah was right, also it wasn't my idea, Han accidentally told reporters on the opening of the new music department that you were working there, Han was being asked repeatedly if they could get autographs, hundreds of people came from out of state to meet you Tori, one bought a plane ticket from Miami to LA just to meet you, today was a shock to everyone, you're still getting your pay for the last half of the shift, he's going to put up a sign stating that unless they show some form of ID, even if it's school ID and its from out of state you won't be signing for more than half an hour, and you will have a shift on Sundays where California locals can have a whole day of signing on company pay once a month and that's it, otherwise its half an hour a day" says Jade
"awesome, so you gonna keep the baby" asks Cat
"yeah, honestly I think I'd have had a miscarriage if it wasn't for Hannah's advice, I had severe vitamin imbalances, I haven't felt this energetic or happy since at least age nine, I barely had enough energy to sustain my own body, let alone grow one" says Jade
"I hope Han realizes that fake ID's exist" says Cat
"he does actually, he's requesting copies of all the states ID types so the security guard can fact check the ID's, school ID's will be accepted with a copy of an email from the superintendent of any non Californian school boards, apparently one of the first rules of Wankos is that all high profile stars, whether it be TV or music be accompanied by a security detail if signings happen" says Jade
"well that makes me feel better, cause nothing makes me feel more normal than a security detail, why not just have my dad interrogate all my fans before I sign their shirts or cd's" says Tori
"oh you're so going to hate me, it was your dad's idea to enforce the security detail rule" says Jade
"seriously, do I need to have a talk with him, I'm not even joking, he had me take karate classes for four years in my early teens, I know very well how to defend myself, how do you think I survived Trina's wisdom teeth fiasco with only a cheek scar, the way she was attacking me I'd have come away with a lot worse, and does he seriously think my fans are violent, anyone who likes my music and decides to attack people aren't my fans they're just using me, there is a clear distinction between the two" says Tori
"go ahead talk to him, he's coming over to congratulate you on your first day, again seriously all his idea, I prefer to celebrate each month, you know by eating food every day, cause you know I'm pregnant now, seriously we had to buy four fridges just for the leftovers of my wedding, and knowing my apatite it'll be gone in two months and I'll gain fifty pounds, which sucks because just before I got pregnant I was at an all time low weight, ninety-four pounds, I was feeling so good too" says Jade
"and it happens to be your favorite food too, Tori she's eaten many hot dogs today it's not even funny, what did you spend on food today Jade" says Robbie
"like a hundred dollars……." Whispers Jade
"I'm not shaming you, so you put mayo on your hot dogs, you shouldn't be ashamed of eating when you're pregnant" says Robbie as Tori hands Jade a cheque
"what's stupid is I hate mayo, I have no idea why I even asked for it, I also hate hotdogs, only because if I'm going to eat a wiener it's going to be Robbie's……, why did you give me a cheque for a hundred grand" says Jade
"it's your music money, or half of it anyway, gotta feed your pregnant food cravings somehow" says Tori
"oh like you'd know what that is like" says Jade
"actually I hope to ya, both Cat and I are looking for donors, do you know any smart hunks that would be willing, and Robbie please don't say Sinjin, he's not smart and he's actually kinda creepy" says Tori
"xinay on the nodors Tori" says Cat
"what" asks Jade confused
"she doesn't quite understand pig Latin" says Tori
"I understand it fine Tori, I was speaking Latin pig, she's quite horny actually….. " says Cat
"guess I don't have time to eat, I've gotta go hose down Cat, I'll be back to eat at midnight" says Tori
"it's only eight at night, what the hell do you guys do in bed that lasts four hours" says Jade
"oh if only you knew, you'd leave Robbie in an instant, I'd fully convert you, you'd be questioning whether you are into guys at all, when Cat introduced me to it I was skeptical, but oh my God I'm so in love with her methods that I literally can't think of anyone who could possibly replace her and certainly no dude" says Tori as Cat literally drags her to their room
5 minutes later with Cat
"I really don't appreciate you telling Jade about what I do with you, no matter how much she'd enjoy it, what I do with you is personal stuff, for your eyes only" says Cat as she undresses
"ok I'm sorry, I just couldn't come up with a believable lie when she asked, I'm a notoriously bad liar, so anyway what's on the menu tonight, boobs or kittens" says Tori
"why not both" says Cat as she undresses Tori
With Jade
"Tori really got you thinking didn't she, that you made a mistake marrying me" says Robbie
"oh God no, marrying you was my biggest dream come true moment, though I would kill for one of their tapes, just to see what they do that takes so long, they outlast both you and me and Hannah and Beck combined, maybe only topped by Lizzie and Erica or Ryder and Abby, I have no information on how long they go for though" says Jade
"what is it with you and prying into other people's sex lives" says Robbie
"well for one I'm pregnant now so my sex drive will definitely go up, also I'm just an insanely curious girl, also Tori and Cat aren't exactly quiet about it, even with the sound proofing in this house I can still hear a little bit but only because they leave their window open for fresh air, and trust me I once knocked on their door to ask if they were hungry and oh my god the smell was so….. so, actually I don't think there is a word for the smell of their sex, it's not sweat and its not their juices, I literally don't know how to describe the smell" says Jade as David arrives
"let me guess Cat was horny and couldn't wait, I swear if that girl wasn't the love of my daughters life I'd be angry at her for ruining my surprise gift" says David
"yeah to be fair Tori isn't too happy about the enforcing the security detail rule of Wankos, she only applied because she wants to have a somewhat normal life, so anyway I'll gladly take the cake and save her half, maybe, anyway enjoy the couch for the night, I'm sure she's going to have an earful at midnight" says Jade