Chapter Thirty-Five: Boys vs Girls
AN: Hey my wonderful readers. I present to you not one not two but three chapters this week! This is because next week I may only be posting one chapter or perhaps none depending on how much progress I make re-reading the two years. I've decided to do this because it's come to my attention that I should be adding trigger warnings for some of my content.
I sincerely apologize if my lack of not doing so has caused anyone distress. I should be since I often get triggered but I'm not too familiar with trigger warnings. I've recently read some fanfics that are amazing at them which has made me want to be better. These TWs will include things like mention of abuse and suicide and other similar things.
I don't think my fanfic is too graphic but I know from experience how triggering some things can be even if others don't think it is, so even if the trigger warnings seem extensive, know that I am erring on the side of caution as the last thing I would want to do is make you incredible people feel discomfort. In regards to this, I am shamelessly asking for help if someone wants to re-read year one and has a good grasp on what TW's need to be added (this may result in two or even three chapters being uploaded next week but no pressure if you can't/ don't want to). Since I'm already being shameless I'd love to hear what you guys are thinking in regards to year two, been a while since I've heard a lot from my Fanfic readers and I appreciate every comment:D.
Lastly, if something in the chapters upsets you let me know and I'll add a TW for it. There's absolutely no shame in being upset even if it may seem like a small thing so please, please, don't hesitate to reach out. I want this story to be sad and heartbreaking, but in a safe and enjoyable way :P.
I hate leaving ANs since I think it detracts from the story but I'm giving you three chapters this week so no complaining alright? ;)
...
"You did what?" Remus asked in exasperation as they walked to breakfast.
"I put something in their shampoo bottles that will make them go bald!" James shouted with a sort of crazed fervor that had arisen when they all realized the girls weren't going to back down easily.
"James, how could you? That's taking things too far," Remus exclaimed horrified.
Sirius had to admit he was doing a pretty good job of staying neutral himself. James on the other hand had thrown chivalry to the wind when he woke up one morning with pink hair. That had been nearly a week ago, yes a week, a whole week. Sure now Sirius and James could cause havoc in class again but all their energy had been diverted to the war between boys and girls.
The Gryffindor girls were everything Sirius had hoped for and more.
He had massive respect for them since they gave as good as they got. Sure it had been irritating to come back to their dorm room only to find their furniture on the ceiling, or to sneeze out insults to himself one day (he still didn't wasn't sure how they had managed that), but they had been doing a good job of keeping pranks innocent-ish and good-natured.
Both sides had still been able to talk to one another as they had unspokenly agreed pranks could only take place in the dorm, the effects of such pranks could last longer, but there was no asking Lily for help on a problem only to slip a dungbomb under her chair. This left them free to trust one another outside the dorm, to be genuinely alright with the pranks until James bloody Potter ruined it!
"You know they are going to kill you guys right?"
"You guys? Oh, oh no Remus you are one of us whether you like it or not. They are going to kill us, you included."
"Lovely," Remus said sarcastically. Peter scratched his arm sighing heavily, the itching powder placed in their sheets by the girls had been particularly effective with him causing him to randomly itch long after it had stopped working.
"Save us. Remus saaave us!" Sirius called dramatically because he might be a tad bit nervous about what the girls were going to do now that civility had been blown out of the Quidditch pitch.
"This is why I thought you were going to run all pranks through me."
"You were sleeping," James replied innocently.
"How did you get up there anyway?" Sirius asked, still confused over this fact which had proven to be an incredible disadvantage to them. James gave him a victorious grin he had no right at all to be wearing since he'd gone and fucked everything up!
"Secret."
"Patricia no doubt," Remus replied flatly, sounding as annoyed with James as Sirius felt. By James' blush, he had hit the nail on the head.
"You thought that what Patricia was going to let you do was a good idea!" Peter exclaimed frustrated, glancing behind him with beady eyes as if expecting the girls might leap down from the ceiling on top of them.
"Well, she…..she said if I did she'd take us back to the forest….and maybe this time let me stay with her….," James finished sheepishly. For a fraction of a second Sirius considered how legitly scared James must be of the forest to want to stay by their babysitter's side. But outrage won out.
"Traitor!" he shouted and pointed at him accusingly. James looked at Peter pleadingly but even the boy who would follow him along with just about anything turned his head away.
"Oh come on guys it's not that big of a deal."
Sirius shuddered, he'd learned the hard way there were two things around females you never messed with unless you wanted to piss them off. You never permanently ruined their hair or clothes. Sirius was pretty sure making the girls bald constituted ruining their hair.
"It's been nice knowing you lot," Remus replied with a faintly amused tone.
"Get back here," Sirius cried, gripping Remus' hand to prevent his hasty backstabbing retreat away from his friends. "Marauders for Life."
"Yes, but not death," Remus quipped and Sirius snorted letting him go, knowing he wouldn't actually leave them to fend for themselves, at least he hoped not.
"Please Remus, I didn't know any better. I was led astray by Patricia. I'm a worm compared to you. You're the greatest oh wise one," James begged, grovelling on hands and knees grasping Remus' robe. Both he and Peter tried not to laugh, since they were actually annoyed at James, sort of, but failed, especially at Remus' alarmed then embarrassed face.
"Alright, alright I'll help, get off me already you fool."
James grinned hopping to his feet with the confidence of someone who knew exactly how to get himself out of a hole, well with everyone but Lily that was. Although, it was almost as uncanny at how good James was at digging himself the hole in the first place.
"Yes, tell us what to do, master," Peter pleaded mocking James' tone. Remus rolled his eyes holding back an amused grin that would have given away the fact that he loved them and their crazy shenanigans, no matter how much he tried to deny it.
"Fine, but no calling me master and you need to explain to me again why you can't just raise the white flag?"
"Traitor!" boomed James
"Outrageous!" Sirius thundered alongside him trying to keep a straight face.
"We can't quit, we can't possibly give up," Peter protested, he was learning their ways well. In fact, Peter had gotten so stealthy with the invisibility cloak during their top-secret 'no Remus allowed' sessions that they were going to let him go with them in about another week and a half when they attempted to follow Remus again.
"Well then you need a peace offering and James needs to sincerely apologize so the girls don't murder you in your sleep," Remus said matter of factly.
Apparently that was the only wisdom he would bestow on them, which was fine by Sirius since he wasn't the one who had to apologize to the girls. James didn't look pleased but Sirius pointed out that he made his bed and he had to lie in it, which didn't shut him up though.
"This feels an awful lot like just sacrificing me," James complained as they entered the Great Hall.
"Yeah well…," Sirius trailed off, all of them stopping abruptly as Frank Longbottom appeared a bit in front of them, with Gideon Prewitt.
"I guess that makes sense," he heard Gideon say, looking a bit stressed, he hoped he wasn't super stressed, he still had about another week before the first competition after all.
"Hi, Gideon!" James called to the older student in awe. Gideon, head boy, and champion of Hogwarts turns to James and grinned.
"Patricia is still whipping you lot into shape then?" Gideon asked with a confident comical air about him that made Sirius feel sure that Gideon could beat the other champions whose names Sirius couldn't remember because they didn't really matter. Gideon would win because if he didn't Hogwarts would never live it down, no pressure or anything.
"Something like that," James replied looking awed at Gideon being so close to him.
"Thanks for the tip you boys gave me about the lake. Patricia picked some good recruits."
Then he was gone because no older student in their right mind would spend more than a few minutes with second years even if their life depended on it.
"He's so cool," James whispered, sounding as starstruck as Peter did sometimes when talking about him.
"We should go scouting the lake again for more clues," Sirius suggested as they took their seats at their table.
"Or...here's an idea...we could actually study," Remus grumbled digging into a pile of sausages with an appetite that hadn't seemed to stop growing lately.
"Wanna slow down there mate?" James asked Remus with a concerned look.
Their friend stopped shoveling food into his mouth, face going dark red. Peter who was shoveling his face full just as fast as him, as if he and Remus were in some sort of competition, didn't seem to notice.
"I'm just saying you guys have been...a bit too preoccupied with this prank war which is starting to get out of hand."
"It is not!" James retorted but fell silent at the look they were both giving him.
"We need something that will bring the girls to their knees and raise the white flag," Sirius schemed, completely ignoring Remus' attempts to get them to take school just a bit more seriously.
It's not like they needed it, well he supposed Peter's grades were suffering, but he knew for a fact Remus was doing better than them, and with James no longer really competing with Lily for grades he was fine with his as well.
As for Sirius, well he found school pretty easy, but kept on the line of decent grades so not to upset his family but not so good that he had to swallow the disappointment of his mother not caring or writing to him over incredible marks. Plus, he hated to study almost as much as he hated his stupid family in the first place, except Regulus of course.
"We need something they are afraid of…...like….snakes...or…..rats…."
"Spiders."
Four heads turned to face Patricia who hadn't been talking to them much, which was fair considering one of her best friends was the champion of the school. She was grinning ear to ear now though, and Sirius had to admit her idea was indeed genius. Peter, however, had gone white as a sheet and James looked uncomfortable.
"Spiders…..I think snakes would work," James suggested and Patricia started laughing.
"Don't tell me you boys are afraid of itty bitty spiders," she taunted them and Sirius assured her most fervently he was not!
"Come on are you Marauders or not?" Patricia called encouragingly. She had been thrilled at their group name though seemed to think it meant she could use it to goad them into doing anything. Peter had sat up straighter and James was grinning, so maybe she could use the name to goad them into anything. Not that, Sirius minded, he bounced in his seat in excitement.
"What about you Remus? You can't just hide behind your book."
Remus sighed heavily, peeking past the book he had been reading avidly on Ministry policy of all the boring things. Still, when Sirius had mentioned it Remus had gone red and told him sharply to drop it, which he had because when Remus got that tone about him you just listened, end of discussion.
"I think it's a horrible idea. James here made the girls go bald but you already know that and I think that the girls won't give up if we do this and would take it to a completely more dire level….which I'm sure you'd find amusing."
"Can't really deny that! But come oooooon it's been months, I'd figured you four would jump on the chance. Especially you, James, you have to redeem yourself after all."
James nodded in agreement, and Remus seeing there wasn't really any chance of talking them out of it relented he would go, just to keep them out of trouble of course.
"Excellent! I'll meet you, lads, tomorrow night in the common room at the stroke of midnight. Don't be late mind you."
Then she strolled off sharing a high five with Fabian who had been seeming to avoid his brother of late, though why Sirius couldn't begin to guess. But, he supposed brothers could be annoying, which reminded him that he had to meet up with Regulus sometime this week but all thoughts of that escaped him as the girls walked into the Great Hall.
"Ow! What was that for?" James asked, rubbing his head where Sirius had smacked him. In response he pointed to the girls, all of them entering at once, giggling to each other in solidarity or some shit. James turned and his mouth fell open.
"But…..I…..no I put….the shampoo…," James stammered in surprise and Sirius whacked his head sort of hard again for good measure.
"Hello, boys. Hi Peter!" Marlene called giggling as Peter's face went red. It would only be a matter of bloody time now before the two started dating. Everything sucked!
"Your hairstyles are looking quite nice today," Remus replied smoothly, an altogether too smug look on his irritating face.
"How are you not bald?" James demanded, not at all one for subtlety, especially when worked up. Lily turned her beaming face away from Remus and faced James with a derisive sniff.
"So it was your idea, was it? I should have known Potter. It probably was also your idea to trap us upstairs so we were late for class and drench us in that foul-smelling goo that made small objects cling to us all day." Lily huffed, particularly upset about those pranks though there had been a great deal more.
"Actually the last idea was mine. But really how do you have no hair?" he asked perplexed and also in solidarity of James as Lily's glare directed itself at him. He was the best bloody mate there was and James better appreciate that!
"Have you ever heard of wigs?" Dorcas snorted, giving her Gryffindor gold pixie cut hair a tug, which Sirius didn't see the point of because it didn't go anywhere.
"Did you super glue them to your head?" James asked incredulously and Lily gave him a pitying look one might give a dull house-elf who would never amount to anything.
"Don't worry you don't need to know our secrets," Dorcas grinned having far too much fun with this, "unless you do."
Then all four girls started laughing and left. Sirius touched his hair, afraid it might start falling off in great clumps.
"Peter, you can't date Marlene until this is over."
"But she's so nice," the smaller boy whined though he was also touching his hair experimentally.
Only Remus didn't bother checking his hair, seemingly more amused than anything, though it was hard to tell since he kept hiding his face behind that book. But of course, he didn't have to worry about his hair falling off since he had flaming Evans to protect him now didn't he?
"We will wipe the smug smiles off their smug faces tomorrow night with something awful we get from the forest tonight, you'll see," Sirius reassured James who just looked rather dumbfounded. "What are you smirking at?" he snapped at Remus still running his hand through his hair, his beautiful hair which was growing to lengths that would anger his mother, he couldn't lose it now.
"I just think it's funny that they are the ones who seem to be winning," Remus replied cheekily.
Sirius shared a glance with James and they silently agreed they would drag Remus into this, he was one of them whether he wanted to be or not.
"Well, Remus if you want to suggest a peace offering you should be the one to give it," Sirius attempted to point out and Remus put his book down, finally.
"It needs to be James, not me. I'm staying out of this."
"Oh, Remus nooooo! How could you," James whined, kicking Peter's shin from under the table in an attempt to kick Remus'.
"Coward," Sirius pointed out trying to figure out the best way they could make him become an accomplice. Remus' seemingly permanent smug smile nowadays slipped for a second.
He looked tired, he looked so tired all the time nowadays.
"I don't see you two making any move to do so yourselves," he replied, perhaps a bit more coolly than Sirius' teasing warranted, and he hoped he didn't offend Remus but didn't have the chance to find out as he disappeared once more behind the bloody book.