I do not own The Outsiders. All characters from the book are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton.

Soooo...this chapter happened unexpectedly...and rather quickly. Don't get used to it; I'm not that good lol!

XxXxX

The bathroom was worn like the rest of the place, but the tub was a lot bigger than the cast-iron rust bucket at home. There was no easy way about it; Ponyboy's left side was stiff and uncooperative while the other half of him melded to me like we were one person. Two-Bit and Greg both stood by to make sure I didn't fall or drop my brother; with both arms occupied holding onto Ponyboy, I'd left my cane on the floor in front of the couch.

"I'm sorry, Darry."

Two-Bit apologized for the umpteenth time about the state of my brother; ashamed that he couldn't keep up with the rigorous routine me and Sodapop once had in place those years ago when we brought Pony home from the hospital.

"Did I give you the impression that I was angry? If I did, it wasn't intentional. You saved him, Keith. Stop being sorry and help me get him in the tub."

In spite of the hours I'd put in working out with Bradley and Eric, I could still feel how out of shape I was from the accident. My brother wasn't much bigger than the last time I'd handled him; maybe an inch taller with that same delicate frame. He reminded me even more of a colt with gangly legs that were clearly the majority of his height, and it made me bark out a laugh.

"What?" Two-Bit grinned.

"Nothin'," I replied, but suddenly couldn't stop. "I mean, look at him. Dad's gotta be grinnin' from ear to ear. Look at these damned legs! He's a goddamned colt! How did dad know what to name him?"

I squeezed Pony tighter to me while Greg got the water running to fill the tub, and Two-Bit flipped the seat down on the toilet to give me a place to sit. My leg cramped a bit from the relief, but surprisingly the discomfort wasn't enough to thwart my efforts.

"There's a couple of things I need to talk to you about." Greg said as Two-Bit left the room to rummage around in a closet just outside the door.

"Yeah, what's that?" I asked absently as I leaned Ponyboy back a ways from my torso so I could pull his T-shirt up and over his head.

I wasn't prepared to see the tan coloured tube that protruded from his abdomen. I swallowed hard as I let my fingers gently probe around it, knowing what it was for, but still shocked by the brutality of the hole poked in my brother's body even though I knew it was necessary to keep him alive.

"Gastrostomy…I mean, it's a feeding tube, Darry." Greg's voice was timid as though he were afraid of my reaction.

"Yeah, I know." My voice cracked, and I wanted another hand so that I could wipe at my eyes as they began to burn. "We talked about it when he was first in the hospital."

"Yeah," Greg gave a nod as he remembered. "It just made sense, Darry. We couldn't let him starve…and his lungs with the other one. I didn't want to risk it long term."

"It's okay. I mean…it's not okay that I did this to him, but you had to do what you had to in order to save him."

"Darry, this isn't your fault. Ponyboy's body is just…fragile. It was easy to forget about that until…"

I nodded my understanding. It was easy to forget until that one thing happened to push him and his poor body over the edge. The only thing that could ever stop my baby brother from fighting; Sodapop coming home in a box.

"It ain't so bad, Darry." Two-Bit's voice broke in. "I got one of them blender things. Pony gets to eat what I eat. I just whirl it up and it goes in great."

I tried to smile but I couldn't, so I just hugged Ponyboy closer to me while Two-Bit and Greg finished getting everything ready.

"So how are we doing this? I hold and you wash?" Two-Bit asked.

I shook my head. "You two go. I got this." I mumbled as I pulled down on the pants that were too big on my brother.

"It's harder than it looks, Darry." Greg looked on worriedly. "It's a two person job."

"I'll call you guys if I need anything. It's okay, I've done it before."

I sat quietly, waiting for Two-Bit and Greg to leave me alone with Pony. I didn't pay any mind at the confused looks they gave each other, I just sat trying to preserve what little dignity my brother had left while he was half-splayed across my lap in a goddamned wet diaper with a feeding tube permanently hanging out of his body.

When they shut the door quietly behind themselves, a part of me seethed. A part of me hated the world for what it had done to my family, but I wouldn't let that anger take over. The last time I did is when I ended up in the hospital; losing Ponyboy for what felt like forever. No, I would take that hatred and anger and turn it into something else. I would try harder to be more compassionate like Sodapop. I would be a better person, and love my brother even harder and get him through this. I'd done it once—I could do it again.

"Just like when we were little, Pony." I whispered as I struggled out of my own clothes; eventually sitting the two of us in the bathtub full of bubbles and hot water.

"Nothin' to it, right? You don't gotta be embarrassed. You don't gotta worry 'bout a thing, little buddy. I'm here now. It's just you and me, baby brother."

XxXxX

"Ohhhh, shit!"

Two-Bit's groan was damned near pornographic as he shovelled the supper that Sandy ended up making, in his mouth.

"I forgot what good cooking tasted like! Sandy, you're moving in!"

"Gee, if I'da known that's all it would take," Sandy snickered shyly; a faint blush covering her cheeks from the obscene noises coming from Two-Bit.

Ponyboy groaned.

"He alright?" Greg looked ready to leap off his chair as I maneuvered my brother on the sofa with me so that I could still reach my supper that was placed on a TV table in front.

I nodded. "Yeah, knock it off Two-Bit. If you don't make him puke with those sounds you're making, you're gonna make me puke. Cripes almighty!"

"No way, Darry! You don't understand 'cause you can actually cook. This is…fuck!"

"Good Lord," Sandy rolled her eyes embarrassed, and Greg just grinned while he ate in silence.

It was a different dynamic, but at the same time it brought me back to a time when there was seven of us eating in my living room. Life was a struggle, but with seven boys all looking out for each other it didn't feel so daunting. I had a new family now, and as badly as I missed the old one, I was incredibly thankful. And then I thought of Beth, and how much I was missing her.

"You just need a wife. C'mon, Two-Bit; any girls around here you fancy?" I teased while thinking about all the grief him and Soda threw at me those first times I was trying to court Beth.

"Hell, I been raising a kid! Got no time for dating." Two-Bit winked as he did an eerily perfect impersonation of me as I was not so long ago.

I felt my face heat up as I took the last bite of my supper.

"That was really great, Sandy. Thank you."

Sandy got up to grab my empty plate, and I reached out to hold her hand.

"For everything." I spoke softly.

"This is what he wanted, Darry. This is what I promised him."

Her smile was strained as she placed my empty dish on top of her own, and quietly walked to the kitchen where I heard the water start running as she filled the sink for the dishes.

"The picture didn't do justice." Greg said quietly.

"What?"

"Soda talked so much about her. He showed me a photograph once, but it doesn't do her justice. She's more beautiful in person."

I nodded, a little jealous. Soda hadn't talked to me about Sandy except for the trouble they'd found themselves in, and yet we'd talked endlessly about Beth when I'd fallen in love myself. I wondered why Soda wouldn't share that part of himself with me, but deep down I knew. He thought I didn't approve.

I sighed as I moved myself and Pony on the couch; trying to find a more comfortable fit, and decided that I would try to be better in all aspects of my life. I'd listen more and judge less. I'd let my worry and stress come out as gentle concern instead of anger. Sodapop had left a legacy, and I would strive to reach it. I would try to be more like him, and maybe in some way it would bring me closer to him.

"I should show you around. There's a double in Greg's old room. You and Pony'll be okay there." Two-Bit mumbled as he scarfed down the last of his supper.

"How long did you live here?" I looked over at Greg as he stood up from the armchair and placed his empty plate on the floor while he folded up his tv table.

He grinned as he approached the sofa; taking the tv table I'd used, and folded it up before placing it on the rack next to his.

"About a year," Greg answered while bending down to retrieve his plate. "Until I could save enough for my own place and give Keith a little space."

"Doc is a pig. Worse than the seven of us back in the day, all crammed in your living room, Superman." Two-Bit hackled.

"I'm not a pig! I'm just…unorganized." Greg blushed while Two-Bit rolled his eyes.

"He's a pig."

"I'm messy!" Greg flustered indignantly.

"Pig." Two-Bit mouthed silently as Greg grabbed his plate and headed to the kitchen sink.

My shoulders shook, as I tried to laugh without making a sound. Two-Bit suddenly broke out cackling like a hyena; like he did every single day that I'd known him. The thought of Greg being sloppy in his home life when he was so clearly in control and perfect in his professional life, was endearing.

"Wellup," Two-Bit stood from his chair and stretched. "Lemme give you the grand tour. You already know where the bathroom is.

"Just one?" I asked as I rolled Pony off of me so he'd have the couch to himself.

"Yup. Just one. Just got the two bedrooms—I'll show ya them, but it's been enough."

"Sounds good," I moaned as I was midway in the process of rolling over my brother when his right hand shot up and grabbed onto my shirt.

"He okay?" Two-Bit jumped about a foot; startled by Pony's action.

I was crouched uncomfortably over my brother. His face scrunched up, and I noticed the wetness slide down from his eyes, over his temples and towards the couch. His right hand clutched at me tightly and I noticed his knuckles turn white. If it'd been his left hand I would've known for sure.

"Hey, Pony."

I kept my voice soft and low so that I wouldn't spook him or set him off. He continued to grimace, and I gently let my hand cover his.

"Is he seizing?" Greg's voice was laced in concern from behind.

"I dunno. You having a seizure, babe?" I asked as I let go of his hand, and cupped my brother's jaw.

His eyebrows furrowed even more as he took in a sharp breath; whipping his head to the other side, and it was full circle in a way.

"What's the matter, Ponyboy?" I asked him as I stroked his face.

"Darry, he can't…" Greg started, but I wouldn't hear any of it.

"The hell he can't!" I snapped back. "Baby, open your eyes for me, okay? Tell me what's wrong."

Pony's face just contorted more; his eyes leaking more tears.

"Shhhh…it's okay, little buddy. It's okay. When you're ready, alright?" And I grinned like a crazy man when suddenly, albeit slowly, Ponyboy opened his eyes.

He wasn't looking at anyone or anything in particular, and it shocked me to see that his eyes looked more grey than the green I'd remembered, but I couldn't help let out a laugh of relief at the sight. We'd been here before. My brother was not broken.

"I'm just gonna let Two-Bit show me around your place, okay?" I asked as I ran my hand over his face again.

Pony flashed another frown.

"Oh my God!" Greg gasped.

"You wanna come with?" I asked as I wiped at the tear streaks leading into Pony's cropped hair.

One blink for yes, and I wondered in the back of my head what sense it was for the two of us to have eyelashes long enough to make all the gals in town jealous.

"I don't believe it." Greg sniffed as he wiped at his own eyes.

"You gonna look at me?" I asked Pony, and frowned when his face turned sour.

"You mad at me?"

One blink for yes.

"S'alright, little buddy. It's okay if you're mad at me. I'm mad at me too. When you're ready, Pony."

I stayed there straddling over his body on my hands and knees, and waited with baited breath. I knew that my brother loved me, but I also knew how badly I'd hurt him more than a few times in his life. I knew that for as forgiving as he'd been in the past, he could also be as stubborn as a mule, which is partly why he was still alive.

Greg, Sandy, and Two-Bit were all silent with me as we waited. I don't really know how long it took. It was like standing at the stovetop waiting for a pot of water to boil; it felt like an hour. Eventually there was movement underneath me, and Ponyboy was staring at me in confusion.

"The beard."

Two-Bit spoke and I could hear Soda's voice hissing at me that I was scaring our brother. I winced as I sucked in a breath, and looked at my brother apologetically.

"Shit!" I whispered under my breath.

"Should've cleaned your face up a bit," Two-Bit again spoke the words that belonged to Sodapop, and I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks, Tips." I mumbled.

Ponyboy looked unsure as he slowly lifted his right hand towards me, but as Two-Bit laughed, Pony startled and drew it away. I gently grabbed for his hand; guiding it to my face so that he could feel and explore, or do whatever it was that he needed in order to feel at ease.

I grinned as my hand slipped to gently hold Pony's wrist while he let his fingers drag through the hair on my face. He felt around my cheek and my chin before he let his finger tickle the hair under my nose, and it looked like he was going to smile.

"How are we doin', baby? We okay now?"

One blink for yes.

"Well, hey then." I smiled at my brother. "It's great to see you, kiddo! Dammit, I missed you!"

The unabashed smile on my face was painful, as the muscles there hadn't been in use for so long. My eyes drank in the sight of my brother; aware of the conflicting feelings tugging at my heart. The happiness and relief I felt was only slightly shadowed by the reminder that Sodapop wasn't there with us. And looking at Pony, it was so damned hard not to think about Soda.

The spitting image of his brother—his hero and soulmate.

I was torn from my thoughts as Ponyboy hiccuped, and dropped his hand to his own face to cover his eyes so that I wouldn't see him cry.

"Hey," I called out worriedly.

I shuffled around as I pulled up on my little brother; the need to hold onto him overwhelming me. I clung to him and fought to keep it together for him, because it was clear that he couldn't. My brother had shut down for the last few years in an effort to deal with the loss and the uncertainty of what laid ahead for him.

I took a deep breath; my nose brushing against my brother's hair, and I could smell the shampoo I'd used to wash him not even two hours previous. I focussed on that smell in vain while my brother had his face tucked into the crook of my neck. His plea was but a whisper, but I received the message loud and clear.

"Please don't leave me again!"

XxXxX

I laid there staring at the ceiling; letting the journey of the last few years drift through my mind. My thumb traced over the skin of my brother's shoulder—back and forth like the pendulum bob of a clock that counts the seconds as they go by. My brother's head is nestled in and on my shoulder just like before—his face settled on my chest. He's pretending to sleep, but I feel the flutter of those annoyingly long eyelashes all of us Curtis boys have had to suffer with. They tickle my skin as they leave butterfly kisses, and I bite into my bottom lip as Ponyboy reaches towards my heart.

The clank of Soda's dog tags seem to echo in the quietness of the night as Pony strokes over them, and I clench my teeth in an effort to hold back the urge to scream at God.

Why? Why did you take him? Why did you have to take my brother?

And I feel the rush of breath across my chest as Pony's right hand clenches around his brother's name. The skin on my shoulder feels wet before the memory enters my mind.

"They're lying, Darry! Tell me they're lying!"

I'm suddenly back home and Ponyboy is begging me to give him his brother back, and I know that there's nothing in the world I can do for him that will ease that ache. His pallor is shifting as he's choking on his own airway, and my life takes a sudden shift from bad to worse.

"Shhhh…" I try to soothe, but my whispers aren't enough for him, and I didn't come this far to give up on him now.

I roll Pony off of me, and press my face into the side of his own. With one hand, I hold the hand of his that's still clutching desperately onto the dog tags that are still wrapped around my neck, and my other hand rests against the right side of his face. My thumb gently rubs his right temple as though Sodapop were there guiding me.

"Breathe, Pony. It's okay to breathe. We're gonna get through this together, I swear to you, but I need you to breathe."

I don't need to turn on the light to know my brother's colour is fading, but I also know he's fighting. He tugs at the ball chain gently before he lets go, and I know then why I'd kept it on all this time. It was for this moment.

I pull the dog tags over my head, and kiss Soda's name before placing the chain over Pony's head; tugging the tags down so they lay in the centre of his chest. I don't even realize that I'm sobbing while I fight to bring my baby brother back to me.

"It's okay now, Ponyboy. He's with us. He'll always be with us. He's right here over your heart; right where he's always been—where he belongs. It's okay to let go now. I've got you—you've got me. Let it go."

The breath Pony lets out comes in a big whoosh, and I pull him into me and I kiss his head. His right hand moves to clutch the tags that he now wears, and I think back to what Beth had said: the hardest part wasn't saying goodbye to our brother, the hardest part was learning to live without him. And the ache permanently etched into my heart gave it's pull of truth, but I still had hope that I'd make it through because of the brother that I still had at my side.

XxXxX