All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property to the respective author. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer (and the motion picture Savages). No copyright infringement is intended.

*All the mistakes are my own.

Chapter Thirty-One

Alex and Madison were excellent hosts. They fired up the burgers and hotdogs, chilled the Cerveza, and put on a decent music-mix to give their beachside casa all the right vibes. It was a large house, and nearly outdid Jasper's mansion back in Laguna, but the thing that stood out to me was the bright splash of colors. Every room was either red, yellow, and blue, and decorated with Mexican tiles. I loved the ambiance of it all and decided when the boys and I retire from our life in Cali that we were going to do it in Mexico.

I felt a sense of peace around me. There was the usual suspicion hanging in the air that Edward carried with him everywhere he went, but mostly, I knew what it meant to see the world as Jasper does. From someone reading the headlines, you could easily make your mind up about Alex and Madison. I spent some time before bed last night watching the old news reports about them on YouTube, and it was hard to overlook how ruthless they were to their victims, but meeting them changed everything. I couldn't see the bloodshed they left behind in their wake of crimes in America. They were parents to a beautiful two-year-old girl, and Charley was a perfect mix between Alex and Madison. She had her father's eyes and her mother's infectious spirit. I spent half the time chasing Charley on the beach and helping her build sandcastles. I never laughed so much, and when the little girl hugged me and said, "Be-be, I hove you," my heart fucking busted.

I tried to ignore how imagining kids with my boys made me feel.

"We got time," Jasper says, already reading me as I watch Alex pick up Charley and toss her in the air. She giggles, and when she comes back into her papa's arms, she palms his face with her chubby hands.

"Time for what?" I pretend to be clueless and lean into his side. He's already open up his arm to me. When Jasper hugs me tight and rests his chin on my head, I know what he's referring to, but I need to hear him say the words.

"For everything: this life, what Alex and Madison have with Charley," he says. "We'll give you that."

My eyes linger over to Edward. He's removed himself from the party and sits alone at the kitchen bar. "Does he know that?"

It's a valid question. I can see myself marrying my boys and having a blissful life, but when children factor into the equation, I can only see a boy who resembles Jasper. If I tried to imagine in more detail, I can't see Edward there—at all.

"He loves you, Bean," Jasper says.

The ache in my heart resurfaces again. It'd been a while. "I know, but is it…"

Thankfully, I'm unable to finish that thought because Madison comes up and invites me to surf with her. The one thing I haven't done in Mexico was surf, and I jumped at the chance. Jasper reluctantly lets me go, and I know he wants to finish our conversation, but I can't let my thoughts go down that rabbit hole. What I need is a release and time in the ocean. The coolness of the water and the laps of the waves against my legs will clear my head.

"The girl who gets the first swell wins!" Madison roars ahead as she goes crashing into the water.

I follow close behind, diving in with my surfboard and coming up, paddling my heart out.

The waves pick up the further out we go, and I have a sixth sense about them. Madison misses her chance, but I don't hesitate and take it without a second thought. My board rides smoothly, and I coast, ducking my head and getting underneath the barrel. I'm out before it breaks. When I look up, Madison is grinning and clapping.

"Well, done, California!"

I paddle back over to her and sit up. "Are you going to catch the next one?"

"No," Madison says with a shrug. "I don't know how to surf."

"Why did you bring me out here then?" I'm confused. Wasn't this Madison's idea?

"I wanted to talk to you alone," she says and glances over her shoulder. We're some distance away from the shore. The boys are setting up a bonfire as the sky above Madison and me darkens. "And no offense, I can't seem to get you away from your boyfriends."

I blush and duck my head. "I am pretty clingy."

"I wasn't talking about you."

My eyes snap to hers, but there's no bullshit in her face.

"Listen, be-be," Madison says and paddles closer to me. "I know it's none of my business."

My muscles tense, and I'm embodying Edward's expectation of the worst. "It's not."

"But hear me out," she says.

Everything is telling me to go back to shore and smoke a bowl, but I stay and nod. "Okay."

"Your father is a good man," Madison says, but this direction is a total curveball. My face is unable to hide my surprise. "I may not understand what you share with Edward and Jasper, but I'm not blind. You love them, and they love you—like at a crazy level. It says a lot about the type of girl you are."

I bite my lip to hide the smile that wants to explode out of me.

"But telling you all the reasons it can't and shouldn't work isn't something for me to decide. I'm sure you've heard it all."

"You have no idea," I say and narrow my eyes. "If this isn't about my boys and Charlie's disdain for our relationship, what are we talking about?"

"Well." Madison dips her hands in the water and splashes it over her face. "I wanted to preface the relationship I have with your father before I dare to give you any advice. Alex told me that you know our history with Charlie: how he was the reason I'm alive, our daughter is alive, and that his best friend is dead."

I nod slowly, fighting the urge to tell Madison to get the fuck on with it.

"I was nineteen at the time and just found out Alex and I was pregnant with Charley. We freaked out. How in the fuck can two people like us have a kid? The news only got the Disney version of our crimes. I've taken people's lives with no remorse, and suddenly I was going to be giving a life?" She scoffs as if it was some cruel cosmic joke. "I contemplated abortion and was set to go until your dad showed up."

I listen as she described the day Charlie arrived in Rocky Point with his partner to extradite her and Alex. It was supposed to be an in and out job. The cartel of 'El Padres' was self-destructing. Their boss, Marcos, killed by rivals, and the entire system was in chaos. There was a war on the streets, and, somehow, Alex and Madison caught in the crossfire. My dad, unaware of the shit he stepped into, had come across a scared girl, who reminded him so much of his daughter, and she told him about the baby. Charlie talked her out of ending the pregnancy.

"It doesn't matter what you've done in the past. You can always set in right, right now."

Then Alex showed up, and Charlie knew that the tearful girl in his arms was a fugitive.

"He gave me a head start to run, but his partner saw this as me escaping arrest, and without missing a beat, pulled out his gun," Madison says, and gestures with her finger, aiming it right at my stomach. "Bang."

My jaw drops. "He fucking shot you?"

"Sure did, right here." She gently moves her wetsuit to the side and exposes her right shoulder. The sun's last remaining light shows me the faint, pinkish circular scar. "The asshole missed. He was trying to get full mass. He went for me again, but Charlie took the bullet and fired back." She grins and leans close, whispering. "Your daddy's aim is on-point."

One bullet to the heart ended his partner's life.

"And where was Alex?" I ask.

Madison turns away and folds into herself. "The coward shot him too."

"Fuck," I say.

"Charlie saved three lives that day and ended one. He let us go, but we never lost touch. Because of him, I have everything and never really felt like I would be able to return the favor." Madison's gaze lands on me. "That was until now."

I sigh. "It's not that simple. Charlie had his chance with me, but he's so…"

"Stubborn? Arrogant?" Madison says with a laugh.

"Yes! The only way we can have a relationship is if I give up Edward and Jasper—and you know what pisses me off about that. He gets to keep seeing them. I'm in hell, sick and miserable without my boys, but he gets to talk with them, see them, and fucking makes money off them! It's bullshit!"

I'm raging, smacking the water's surface with every point, I make and splashing Madison.

"Can I give you some advice?" she asks, slowly wadding herself away from me.

I shrug. "Sure."

"Have lunch with him once a week."

"What?"

"Your dad loves you. He just has a shitty way of showing it, but don't give up on him because you're angry. Show him that Edward and Jasper are forever and give him a chance to get used to it, but don't cut him out of your life. Nothing will be solved, and both of your anger will only grow the longer the silence between you persist."

I smile weakly and nod.

"Good," Madison says and turns her attention toward the shore when a whistle rolls over the waves. "They want us back in."

As we lay on our stomachs, paddling back in, my curiosity gets the best of me. "Where did Alex get shot?"

"The head."

()()()

The enormity of the risk my boys were taking with their business never occurred to me. Yes, they are drug dealers and could encounter shady characters, but if you listen to Jasper, he's only helping war vets and sweet older people with glaucoma. That was a small percentage of their clientele, but they flaunted it in front of me as if it was their norm. Even Edward hid the truth from me and minimized the Alex and Madison types. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ruthless, cold-blooded monsters, just willing to kill all of their opposition. I sat quietly as the bonfire raged, listening to all their stories and dealing with the cartels. It scared me to find out a few weeks ago some crackhead held a knife to Edward's throat, but I didn't want to show everyone how uneasy this all made me. If my boys knew how I couldn't handle the reality of this life, they would hide even more.

I had to suck it up and pray they never get hurt.

"After I found out the kid was pregnant, I decided to pull out of the cartel. Marcos had relied heavily on us to get product across the border and wasn't too thrilled about our exodus." Alex glanced over at Madison, who had a sleeping Charley cuddled into her chest. He smiled. "But I didn't care. My girls will always come first."

Edward's full attention is on the like-minded man in front of him. They share many qualities and would approach situations the same, with brute force. "I would've taken Marcos out first and then tell him I quit."

Alex laughs and tips his beer in Edward's direction. "That was the original plan, but Marcos had sensed my disloyalty for a long time. If he had a man to replace me, I would've been strung up and decap—"

Madison clears her throat loudly and interrupts him. "We get it, babe."

I'm trying hard to keep a straight poker face, but I've slipped a few times, and because of that, the conversation is changed.

"So, what are you guys doing now?" Jasper asks.

"The same," Alex says with an embarrassed chuckle.

Madison sees my confusion and chimes in to explain. "Not exactly the same. We don't run drugs across the border like before, but mainly oversee the transport in the states. Once our sellers need supply, we mediate meetings and arrange connections. We have been very interested in your Kush for about a year now."

Both Edward and Jasper sit up suddenly and, at the same time, almost as if they been attached to the same string.

"A year?" Jasper says.

"How did you even get your hands on it?" Edward asks.

"I've been only dealing with a small group, mostly just regulars, and friends," Jasper adds.

"And you said it wasn't Charlie," Edward says. "He's only been coming to since we cut him off."

Then my guys turn to each other and converse with excitement.

"You know what this means?" Jasper smile gets wider.

"We're no longer local. Our brand is international," Edward answers.

"Imagine all the people we can help."

"We could expand on what we already have."

"Emmett is going to need to find us another greenhouse."

"For cheap, this time, Jasper. Don't bullshit with our funds."

They continue like this, going back and forth, and volleying off each other. Alex and Madison never saw anything like Jasper and Edward's closeness. Their rapid-fire connection how they're able to read each other's thoughts can throw anyone off guard. It took me a while to get used to it, but now I find it cute. I'm not even that jealous of their intimacy anymore—well, not as jealous, let's say.

Honestly, I'm thrilled to see them excited about the business. When coming down here on Charlie's recommendation, we all were skeptical. Why would he help my boys and allow me to keep them? Alex and Madison were a great asset to have, and with Jasper's Kush, our new connection had a goldmine on their hands.

Speaking of gold, I smiled as the thought came to me.

"I think we should celebrate this new partnership."

Madison rocked back and forth with Charley. "We have champagne in the cellar. It's a 30s vintage."

"1918, to be exact, kid," Alex said.

She shrugged. "Whatever, alcohol is all the same."

"Um, if I know Bean," Jasper started as Edward laughed. "She was talking about the Acapulco Gold that I brought with me."

"You're fucking holding?" Alex said, suddenly very interested. "Right now?"

"It's a quarter's worth." Jasper nods as he pulls out a baggy from his windbreaker pocket.

My eyes glisten with love as I see those beautiful gold hairs in that buddle of frosted green.

"The THC level of this strand is 85%," Jasper says and opens the baggy. Edward hands him our special pipe. It has our initials on the stem: JEB. It's hillbilly to the max, and I laughed my ass off when I special ordered it.

"85%? Are you serious?" Alex's eyes grow wide by the second.

"Is that good?" Madison asks, and I smile at her because I remembered how it felt to be clueless.

"Considering most dispensaries can get 20% at best," Edward says.

"THC concentration is important because it can determine the strength of your high," Jasper adds.

"And what does that one do?" Madison asks.

"This bud right here is a powerful head high." Jasper pinches out a wad and packs the bowl. "It can lift your spirit, give you feelings of cheerfulness, and soothe an aching body. I want to market it as an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and chronic pain alternative," Jasper says and finishes packing the bowl. I'm ready, shaking my lighter to get a flame, and waiting for his cue to ignite. He gently elbow bumps me. "You know the rules, Bean."

I do, but it's been more than twenty-four hours since our last burn, and this strand, in particular, is from a new batch. Jasper wasn't honest about the THC level, and before we left home, it tested at 91%-that's huge! The effects of one would get a veteran absolutely bouldered.

Therefore, to say that I was a little more than eager would be an understatement.

"Ladies first, at least?" I grin at him.

Jasper laughs and hands me the pipe. "Ladies first."

"Madison?" I turn to her, but she's holding Charley and not in the position to partake. "Uh, maybe not?"

"Alex can go first," she says and stands. "I'll put the babe to bed and be back for the second round."

The greed in me wants to blaze up, but I tell her we'll wait. Alex explains while it's just us four that Madison doesn't hold her weed well. The first time they smoked together, she passed out on his couch and didn't wake up into the next morning. They weren't the type who regularly smoked weed, or any drugs for that matter. The high in life they got was from other avenues.

"All right, I'm ready." Madison sat next to me and nudged me with her knee. "Gimme."

I handed her JEB, and she put it to her lips. When the flame hit the bowl, gold and purple sparks flew up, and the excitement in my stomach flourished. Then as she inhaled, a deep cherry ignited, and I relished in the sound of Kush burning, the wispy crackles, like fingers rubbing together a sheet of tinfoil.

Madison's cheeks puff out as she holds in the smoke, but slowly her face deflates as she releases into a gentle blow. "Wow." She laughs. "It tastes like…nutmeg."

The aroma of burnt butterscotch saturates the space around our small circle as Alex takes in his share.

He has the same reaction as his girl. "Fuck."

Now it's my turn, and my boys know I'm salivating. I've waited long enough, damn it!

The first bit is like everything Madison and Alex described. They only need one hit to feel the effects, but I'm a vet and need two to three hits to reach their level. Then again, 91% is the highest I've ever smoked and the force of its power instant. Holy shit, Jasper knew his stuff.

I overplayed my card and ended up blazing myself silly. It didn't matter. Everything's amazing and beautiful. The fire's ember a bright orange and blue gets brighter as the flames heighten. I listen as the waves crashed to the shore. A breeze picks up, making me shiver, but Jasper puts an arm around me, and Edward covers my legs with his flannel shirt.

"The thing I'm striving to improve in my Kush is the THC. If I get the levels high enough, our customers don't have to buy as much to make it last or get the desire high they need," Jasper explains as he takes a hit off the pipe. "I want to make money, but it's not my only driving force."

I expected Edward to scoff and make fun of our boy for being too altruistic, but he's nodding and agreeing with Jasper.

"You'll have no problem getting people to buy in bulk," Alex says, but then stops, blinks a few times, and hisses under his breath. "I don't fucking believe it."

The change in her guy makes Madison react, and she leans into him with concern. "Babe, what's wrong? Do you feel a migraine coming on?"

He shakes his head and lets out a relief, almost giddy laugh. "The exact fucking opposite, kid."

"What?" She touches the side of his head, and her thumb makes gentle circles in one spot. "What do you feel?"

"Nothing," Alex lays his hand over hers and shoots his gaze over at Jasper. "For two years, no matter what I did, these fucking headaches wouldn't go away, but two puffs off your Kush and…" There's a glossy look to his eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jasper grabs my hand and squeezes as tightly as my heart constricts for Madison and Alex.

At that moment, I finally understood the kind of high that Jasper was always looking to achieve.

()()()

Alex bought every ounce that Jasper brought to Mexico and even arranged to have an associate come up to Laguna next week to buy the whole supply of Acapulco Gold. It was a lot to smuggle across state lines and the border, around three pounds, but Alex wasn't interested in redistributing the Kush. It was for his personal use. The persistent migraines that debilitated him for years were now looking like a thing of the past. The only thing that panicked him was Jasper's retirement or Alex's inability to get more before running out. I was lucky enough not to know what chronic pain feels like, but even if I'm under the weather just a smidge, or fighting off a pressure headache, I feel like dying, so I sympathized with Alex—120%!

The experience down in Mexico opened many eyes. I saw the business as for what it could be, dangerous and unpredictable. When your primary source of income is illegal, you're going to be exposed to criminals. They're not going to be the angel sides of Alex and Madison, but the devil himself, ruthless and terrifying. There's going to be desperate and broke characters with nothing to lose, the opportunists and shaky trigger finger. I couldn't stop thinking of those potential customers, but Edward, who'd figured in the rough clientele, finally saw the business's flip side. He could imagine Jasper's dispensary, the bike courier who would make the drops, the grandmas with arthritis, the cancer patients with muscle aches, and the men struggling like Alex. The good that my boys could accomplish always lost on my Sailor. He was jaded from the war, the anguish he'd seen, and assumed he was destined to perpetuate the misery, not negate it.

There's a feeling between us three, one of hope and new beginnings. I wanted to help in any way I could with this growing venture but wasn't sure how I could be useful. Jasper waved me off when I brought it up and told me my one duty when we got home was to apply for college. I groaned at the notion. It wasn't like I didn't want to go, and eventually, I would want to get my degree in business and modern arts, but that could wait a year or two. My boys needed me now. There was the greenhouse to attend to, nurture the chronic, watering them, and helping them grow. Jasper would leave Afghan seeds for Edward to plant while our Berkeley man went back to finish his senior year.

Only three months longer, and then we will have everything, I tell myself.

Then Jasper can come back to us full-time for the summer before we all jet off to Cambodia in September.

Edward keeps saying he isn't going, and with the Mexico connections, I think he'll even be sterner about staying in Laguna, but I have an ace up my sleeve. It's called a sweet face and a pouting lip. Most girls overplay that card, but I've been saving it for something I wanted, and having both my boys in September is something I need more than air.

Yet as these thoughts of a brighter future keep me hopeful, I can't shake this sense of doom. The closer we get to home, the stronger it gets, and by the time we pull into the drive of Edward's beach house, my stomach is sick with dread.

"Do you guys want to get washed up first and then go to dinner?" Jasper asks as we all pile out of Edward's Camaro.

I put my feet on American soil for the first time in five days and stretch my hands toward the sky. "Sure."

"Fine by me," Edward says, grabbing our bags and heading inside the house.

Jasper strolls up from the back and drops his arm around my shoulders. "Now that we're alone, you want to finish what we were discussing in Mexico?"

I sigh and think, not really, but he smells too good, and it's a truth serum. "Things feel different, don't they?"

"In what way? With our business or with us?" Jasper asks.

"Both, I guess," I say, but I'm only referring to one thing.

"Okay, well I don't care about the business, so why don't you tell me what's different with us."

"Nothing really, it's just…" I stammer, unsure how to gather my thoughts to make a cohesive sentence. "I used to not worry about our relationship and how we would make it work in the long run."

"Wait a sec. Look at me." Jasper slows our walk to a stop and turns me to face him. "Bean, we've only been together for four months."

"I know, I know! We've barely even gotten started and for me to be jumping the gun like this? Ugghh." Groaning, I blush a fire-hot red and duck my face into his chest with embarrassment. "It's silly."

He's too quiet, and my heart pounds, as I fear the worst. Why couldn't I stay the cool chick that smoked weed and fucked? However, one day on a beach with a cute little family and I get the settle-down vibes and start rethinking our relationship? Of course, I didn't dwell on it for too long and used distractions of surfing to push it down inside. But now what? Jasper remembered and is calling me out, and when I tell him the truth, nothing but radio silence.

It becomes too much.

"What are you thinking?" I whisper.

He takes a deep breath. "What did we do to make you less confident about us?"

I jerk away and look up into his eyes. "You didn't do anything."

"I don't know, Bean," he says with a sad, deflated shrug. "There's been a recent and drastic change in you. I assumed it was because of Charlie and his connection with Alex and Madison, but then you tell me you don't know if we'll make it?"

"Jasper, I'm not saying we need to break up, but…"

"But?!" His eyes bulge out of his head. "You can't say 'but' after a sentence, Bean—especially, not that sentence. Because everything you say before the 'but' gets canceled out."

"No 'buts' then," I say and plaster on a weak smile.

Jasper glances over my head to check for Edward, but the coast is clear. He pulls me away from the entryway. "We've dealt with a lot of bullshit with people doubting our relationship, but we always had each other and confidence in knowing what he had was real. I never thought I would see the doubt coming from you."

"I'm not doubting us," I say, but the knot in my stomach gets worse and more painful.

"When you were looking at Charley, I knew what you were thinking. I promised we would have that one day," Jaspers says, palming my face and lifting my head to meet his gaze. "I wasn't lying."

"It's not you," I say, and even though it's hard to keep his eyes, it's a coward move to look away. "I see that future with you. I can imagine our kid with my eyes, your curly sunshine hair, and even the name we would give him." I bite my lip bashfully. "Marley."

"But?"

I gulp and admit the worst. "Edward would hate it."

These aren't new feelings of mine, but I wouldn't allow myself to entertain them. I'm seventeen, and our relationship is new and exciting, why would I even begin to think about the future? But as my love for them progresses into territory, where my heart can barely handle the strain, I'll need to cut off a piece if I want to survive.

"Edward would love anything that comes from you." Jasper has a knack for picking up on my subtleties. "If you're worried about having to choose between us, you're worrying for nothing."

"And you're fine with only getting half of me?" I blurt out and regret it.

Jasper narrows his eyes. He's upset, and this is the first time he's directed his anger towards me. "Is that what we're getting, only a piece of you? I thought we decided when we started this that we were going all in. I don't give half of myself to you, and I don't get half of myself to Edward, so why should we only get half of you?"

I don't have an answer, and my first response is to flee. Jasper grabs me by the arm as I try to bolt inside. As honest as we are to each other out here, we still both don't want Edward to hear our discussion. He's tough but the most sensitive of us all, and if he ever hears the words I'm saying, he'll end it without a second thought—and in truth; I would die before having him believe that he's less than Jasper.

I don't fall in love with consolations prizes.

"Talk to me," Jasper says and pulls me further from the door.

"I'm embarrassed, baby," I whisper and duck my head. There's a hardness in my throat from the strain of suppressing my breakdown. "I don't like doubting what we have or believing that maybe people are right and that this will never work. I pushed this relationship and forced…" I stop there and shrug. "It's too soon to vow forever."

"What did Madison say to you in that ocean? Is she the one filling your head with doubt about us?" Jasper's face worn and tired as the strain of trying to talk me into staying takes its toll.

Am I leaving?

"No, nothing like that. We talked about Charlie, and it made me realize a few things about why I'm clinging to you and Edward," I say, and the words come out harshly. Jasper flinches. The hurt I'm causing now will save us devastation in the future.

"Clinging?" The term doesn't make sense to him, and I can see his mind working. "What does that mean, Bella?"

Now he uses a word to hurt me, and I deserve it, but I nod and push forward. "It means, because of my shitty upbringing and poor relationship with my father, I cling to the first boy to show me attention and then jump into a grown-up relationship that I'm not mature enough to handle."

All my decisions made over these four months were brash, hormone-driven, and reckless. I liked the thrill of the boys adoring me, putting me up on their pedestal, and defending a taboo relationship. I traded my shoplifting for my boys, and I feel like shit, because they threw everything into me, and I didn't care about what would happen when I grew into a woman.

"Guess we're two for two." My head snaps up to the sound of Edward's voice as he steps out on the porch. I didn't know how long he's been there, but has heard enough from the look on his face. "So, what's the next step, Bean?"

"This can't be happening," Jasper murmurs as he stumbles back and sits down on the stone ledge behind him. "She's leaving us."

Edward doesn't move towards me but keeps himself detached. "Is that what you're doing?"

Every bit of me wants to comfort Jasper and tell him that my feelings are a lie and to take back everything that I said, but my feet refuse to move. I made up my mind when we drove into the driveway. If I want to have any future with my boys, I need to fix the one relationship that has prevented me from giving my all.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself. It's hard to believe the words are coming out of my mouth. "It's time I go back home to Charlie."