Chapter 35

"So, what is it?"

Bucky frowned as he replied sarcastically, "Well, Steve, sometimes when people have a message that they want to send to someone…"

"I know that it's a letter, you jerk. I meant, tell me what to expect here. I recognise my own handwriting on the outside, Buck, which already concerns me as I don't remember writing this."

He nodded and replied grimly, "Well, I didn't read the letter for you. I only read the one written to me. This has to do with why I didn't return from DC with you. I had to go up to Westchester to see Charles Xavier."

Steve's eyes widened as he exclaimed, "Are you crazy, Buck? You know how mutants feel about us Enhanced and Xavier is incredibly powerful."

Bucky punched his fist into the arm of his chair and then said, "Well, here's the thing, Steve. You are not going to like a single thing that I am about to tell you right now. It's important that I make that clear from the outset. And this is a large part of the reason why I avoided you like the plague when you were searching for me. I was still trying to decide if you were trustworthy. I didn't know if you were you, so to speak."

"Jeez, Buck. Thanks."

"Get over it, Rogers. This all started with time travel. Honest."

"Time travel."

"Yep. And before you tell me that's impossible, why don't you think about the story of your life over the past few years and get back to me when you realise that we don't really know what the f*** is possible anymore."

Steve stood up and walked over to the window. "Yeah, yeah, I guess."

"No, I'm serious. Take a moment and think about it."

There was a very long pause and then Steve replied, "Ok. Maybe. Just…tell me the rest."

"Apparently, you and I never met Thea and Mary Claire in this other timeline. And there was an unbelievably powerful alien who was h*ll bent on killing half of all life in the universe. I repeat, the universe, Steve."

Blinking in disbelief, Steve mumbled, "O-o-kay?"

"Right. So, this alien, Thanos, had five ridiculously powerful stones that when put together made him almost god-like. Each stone controlled a particular type of power or something like that. Some of the Avengers worked on a plan to keep one or more of the stones away from him, so this Thanos bastard couldn't mass slaughter whole galaxies and s***. Anyway, the future versions of you and I devised a plan about the "soul" stone. I don't know what the other Avengers were doing with the other stones, if anything. Future You didn't entrust me with that info. That Steve did, however, tell me that it was Future Me who suggested you should go back in time, activate the Winter Soldier, and give him the mission to hide the stone somewhere very specific. Then, the Winter Soldier/me could have the memory of that location removed by Xavier. Without that stone, Thanos would be more vulnerable. It would give the universe a chance, basically."

Horrified, Steve stammered, "N-no! That would…that would be enslaving you all over again, Buck. I couldn't do that." Then, when he saw the look on Bucky's face, Steve exclaimed, "Holy s***, you're telling me that I did do that? Some f***ing evil version of me was willing to do that to you?"

Bucky gripped his knees, looked at Steve for almost a full minute, then sighed with relief. He responded very quietly, "Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately. Just about two months after the helicarrier incident. Having you say The Words and activate me again was brutal and it nearly broke me. I spent months trying to understand how the Steve I knew had become the Traitor Steve—that's what I called him."

Horrified, Steve walked over to Bucky and put his arm around Bucky's shoulders. "Buck. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I cannot imagine anything that would convince me to do that."

"Yeah, well, apparently, it was Future Me that managed to convince you. As much as you can't imagine going along with this, Steve, I also cannot begin to comprehend suggesting that you go back and reactivate the Winter Soldier. This is the fault of BOTH Future Me and Future You."

Steve dropped his head onto Bucky's shoulder and said, "No, I didn't have to agree."

"Future You didn't, you mean. You are just along for the ride here, Steve, just like me. We didn't get to decide that we wanted to be a part of this. So, you're not going to take the blame for something another guy did, even if it was another version of you. No, f*** that."

Turning away from Bucky sharply, Steve took a deep, harsh breath and said, "Tell me what happened?"

Bucky tilted his head and watched Steve for a moment, then replied, "Well, the time to which Future Me sent back Future Steve—he isn't you—was when I was unbelievably vulnerable and not at all sane. At that point, I couldn't have consciously consented to anything. I'm not sure if Future Me chose that precise time for that exact reason or another reason I've considered, but he told Future Steve where to go, what to say, and how to say it. Future Me gave him The Words, Steve. It was Future Me that insisted that the plan would work and then pushed Future Steve to go along with it. All they had to do was go back in time and get the stone. Then, Future Steve could bring it to the past so I could hide it. However, according to the letter Future Steve left me, there was a problem."

"I'll say there was a problem. The entire plan is bulls***, Bucky. I cannot get past the idea that you wouldn't have any say in participating. Why not just go back and ask you? Even if you had diminished capacity, it was still you. I know you, Buck. You would have agreed. And if that guy isn't me, then the future Bucky isn't you."

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, ok, you're right. And I know that I would have agreed, Steve. However, apparently Future Bucky wanted to be sure that I couldn't possibly refuse. I don't know what his reasons were for that desperation, but they must have been enormous. If I'd married Thea in that timeline, too, then I would understand. There isn't anything that I would refuse to do to keep her from being killed from this Thanos bastard or anyone else. But Future Steve specifically stated that he and Future Bucky had no family other than each other."

Steve shook his head. "Still no, Buck."

"I told you that you were going to hate this, Steve. And now you get why I was so distraught. I know you, too, Steve. Even then, when I was hiding out in condemned buildings and stealing to eat while I hallucinated scenes from every decade of my life, I knew that Steve Rogers would never sacrifice me. So, when some version of you came and insisted that you had to do it to save the world, I lost my grip on reality a bit. But my letter tells me something that I didn't know then."

"It better be f***in' incredible, Buck."

Bucky shook his head sadly. "Well, it's not great. Apparently, to capture the "soul stone", the person acquiring it must either make a sacrifice or someone of deep importance to them makes the sacrifice on their behalf."

Steve gripped Bucky's shoulder and then sank to his knees, gripping the unopened letter in his hands. It was almost a minute before Steve croaked out, "So, the Future You did it."

"Yeah."

"Bucky, we cannot let this happen. We can't do that."

"Apparently, that was why Future Steve did what Future Bucky had wanted. He'd told Future Bucky that he was going to go along with it, but he'd planned something entirely different. He was going to go back to you instead of me. But when Future Bucky found out about the sacrifice, he jumped before his Steve could, so Future Steve felt too guilty to go back on his promise then."

"S***. This is insane, Buck. What…what do you want me to do? I can't undo what my evil future-self did, but I'll do whatever I can now."

Bucky settled himself next to Steve and quietly, very gently replied, "Steve, I'm telling ya, he really wasn't you. Something happened to that guy and whatever it was, it was horrible. He looked like he'd seen the end of the world. Then, he sobbed like a baby when he activated the Winter Soldier."

Steve turned his head to the side, so he could look at Bucky, then said vindictively, "Good."

"I'm telling this to you serious, Steve, ok? When he left me, wherever he was going, Future Steve was going to his death. He was planning to follow me into the abyss, so to speak. Although I'm sure he was gonna make his death mean something, since you've always gotta have a cause, right?" Bucky knocked his shoulder against Steve companionably, but their old joke didn't even seem to register with Steve. Therefore, he continued, "Thing is, if I hadn't still been activated, then I would have stopped Future Steve because I woulda known. That's why I've wondered whether that was why Future Bucky insisted that I needed to be the Winter Soldier."

"Whaddaya mean, Buck?"

Bucky huffed a sad laugh, then explained, "There's no way I could let any version of you race off to your death without tryna join you. Trust me, pal, if Future Bucky was planning to sacrifice himself for his Steve, then he'd know that any version of me would be aware just how wrecked that would make his Steve and how Future Steve would react. And he'd plan accordingly, since this mission is too d*** important."

Steve shook his head as he wiped his tears off his cheeks with his sleeve. "Nah, I can't accept it, Buck."

"Come on, Steve. Let's read your letter, huh? He's bound to have explained himself to you, since he knows intimately how you're gonna feel about all this."

Looking down at the letter with shaking hands, Steve growled, "I don't wanna hear what this person is gonna to say. No matter what, this ain't me. It can't be."

"No, it isn't you, Steve. I know that, too. But it was a Steve Rogers who had seen the end of everything that mattered to him and who was nearly insane with grief and despair. Steve, honestly, I think that I need to know what the letter says, ok? Come on, let's open it."

Steve nodded and tore open the envelope. As his trembling fingers smoothed out the paper, he looked at Bucky. "You know, Bucky, you know that I wouldn't."

"Yeah, Steve. I do."

They read the letter silently together and, when Steve dropped it on the floor and slumped back against the wall, Bucky commented angrily, "Well, f***. That was horrible."

"Yeah. Yeah, it was. And I know where that Steve woulda gone."

"Yeah, me, too."

"I can't believe what happened to Clint. And Nat."

"Nah, that I can completely believe. It's just really s***."

Steve looked at Bucky with a heavy, miserable expression. "We gotta do it, don't we?"

"Yeah, Steve. We do."

"It's just…one day, you know? That's all I got this time. I'm never gonna be able to have a real home life, am I? Get to relax at home as I watch my boys play or fix up things around the house for Mary-Claire. Make huge meals for our families every night, like we always talked about. Gather up all our kids and walk over to mass together where one of us can give 'em whatever candy they use these days to keep 'em quiet."

Bucky softly said, "Like my Gran."

"Yes, exactly. I remember Mrs Hanrahan always had those honey drops. And she'd pat my hand and call me 'A Spréach'. You know, I didn't know for ages what that meant, since Ma didn't have any Irish other than the prayers and a few phrases."

Bucky sighed. "Unlike in my family, yeah. Da always made such a holy show about it all that I hated speaking Irish. Still do."

Steve nodded. "I remember. I suppose it would be more useful for my boys to learn Russian for 'Dyadya Yasha' than Irish now anyway."

Bucky elbowed his friend and replied, "As long as they're not learnin' from you. Your accent is thick enough to use as mortar, pal."

"Jerk."

"Yep, that I am." As they both snorted with amusement, Bucky elbowed Steve again. "So, I guess we gotta meet with Stark."

His expression immediately sliding into displeasure, Steve said sorrowfully, "Yeah. I don't relish trying to explain this to him either, since we cannot let Tony know how we came by any of this information."

"Yep."

"Did ya tell Thea?"

"Yes. Had to."

Steve groaned. "I don't wanna worry Mary-Claire. She's still working late into the night on this almighty plan that she and the co-conspirators have going. Actually, she's gotten really antagonistic about Ross. Not sure why she has suddenly taken it on much more aggressively."

"Seriously? Buddy, sometimes, I wonder about your interpersonal awareness skills. But lemme help ya out. Fact 1: Mary-Claire clearly sees you as Adonis, Perseus, and Odysseus all rolled into one. And Fact 2: Ross had you tortured."

"We don't know that, Buck. Coulda been someone else."

"Based on the questions that were asked, I doubt it. I don't think that Mary-Claire is interested in settling for a year or two in prison for that f***in' barrel of fermented horse p*ss. She wants everything thrown at him. And I do, too. I ain't forgivin' s*** yet. Maybe I'll get there one day, but I'm still squarely in the revenge and hate camp."

Steve nodded. "I know and I feel a deep, abiding hatred towards him, too and it worries me. I don't want to be that guy, ya know? And for Mary-Claire, Bucky, this isn't her natural personality. All this rage and fear is going to circle around and hit her hard at some point. She doesn't handle stress and anxiety well. She has been working with her psychiatrist to monitor her behaviour and her medications, but I'm really concerned."

"I know." Bucky shrugged. "However, there ain't nothin' we can do right now, Steve. But for once, you're actually aware of your unhealthy emotional state—that's a d*** good thing, Steve—and it sounds like Mary-Claire is very self-aware, too. So, just be there and support her."

"Of course, I always will. I won't stop at anything to protect her, Buck."

"I know. For s***'s sake, pal, look who you're talkin' to. We're both gonna strap in and blaze forward on whatever this path is leading us toward. For the rest of the world, and all that, yeah. But really, for them: for the girls and our kids."

Steve bumped his shoulder into Bucky and hoarsely responded, "D*** right."

"And for Brooklyn."

Laughing sharply in surprise, Steve said, "Well, certainly not for the d*** Bronx."

"But they can have New Jersey."

Steve gasped and then began laughing so hard that even Bucky allowed himself a small chuckle.

"OK, Steve, I admit that you got me. I had about 12 or so ideas what you were coming here to discuss. But I didn't even get close."

Steve breathed out harshly and then said, "I don't know how anyone would predict something like this, Tony."

"I'm pretty good at daydreaming up nightmare doomsday scenarios to obsess over, honestly. This was not one of the routes to Armageddon that I considered."

Bucky looked between Steve and Tony with grim intensity, but did not speak. Yet, Steve caught the movement and turned to him. "Yeah, Buck?"

His voice very quiet, Bucky said, "Stark has an idea already."

Steve's head snapped around so he could look at Tony, who angrily snapped, "S***. Mindreading one of your superpowers, Murderbot?"

Bucky morosely answered, "No. Just trained in observation." Then, with a sharp, warning look over at Steve, he commented, "I said that I would leave if I'm making you too uncomfortable, Stark. You and Steve can work things out."

Ignoring Bucky's warning, Steve immediately said, "You're the one with the most knowledge here, Buck, we need you to…"

However, Bucky interrupted, "This isn't about that, Steve. We are guests in Stark's building and he has every reason to feel unhappy having me here. Those are two good reasons why you're gonna shut up and let Stark decide what he needs to feel comfortable."

Tony took a long sip of his drink and then said cautiously, "I'm not going to pretend that any of this makes me feel comfortable. You might have slaughtered my parents, Barnes, but you're the one who drove the shield into my arc reactor, Steve. I'm ambivalent about having the two of you side-by-side sitting across from me right now,"

Before Steve could reply, Bucky said, "Understood."

"However, I know that I'm as much to blame for Berlin and Siberia as either of you. Maybe more. Don't know. I'm not good at all that self-reflection s***. But I don't like the way things are now. We need to be able to work together."

Again taking control of the conversation before Steve could intervene, Bucky asked, "What do you need from either of us to make that happen, Stark? We got our priorities and concerns. You've got to have yours, too."

"You're going to make a list of demands? Really? That's a bold move."

Steve said with a warning note in his voice that neither Bucky or Tony could ignore, "No, Tony, we are going to explain our position to you and let you decide."

"Pretty sure that your position is that you need to get the old band back together so we have a chance to beat this new threat."

"No, Tony. It isn't. Let me be clear. I don't need your help to get any of the rest of our old team on board. I also have contacts with several other Enhanced that I expect will be willing once they know what is coming. There are an additional 10 or so Mutants that Xavier will lead in their part of the attack. I'm not here to put anything back together: this will have to be something new. I am here because I want to you to partner with me to lead this fight. You will be absolutely invaluable professionally, but personally, I really need you on this."

Tony set down his glass and then looked across at Steve for several moments. Then, he said gruffly, "H*ll of a way to try to convince me, Steve. You just told me that you've already gotten together an army. Not sure what the h*** you need with me. I'm pretty much out of the game now."

Bucky spoke up and succinctly said, "No, you aren't."

"F*** you, Barnes. I'm essentially on the reserves list now, Murderbot." Tony turned back to Steve and drawled bitterly, "If you've got Charles Xavier involved, Steve, then you've already got a leader. He doesn't share power any better than his old pal Magneto."

"Xavier is heading his own portion, Tony, which has very little to do with us. He has additional information that we don't, so he's handling whatever that is. Apparently, it is related, but dangerous for us to know. Bucky is the one who has interacted with him, not me. However, the other Enhanced are part of my end of the deal."

Tony shrugged. "Paris of Troy and Matahari coming?"

"Yes. Thor has said that he will be there with Loki, which is, admittedly, a mixed bag. Banner has very reluctantly agreed. Also on board are Wilson, Lang and Van Dyne, Wanda and Vision, T'Challa and his Dora Milaje, and, uh, Deadpool."

Bucky snorted, but didn't speak. Tony, however, incredulously said, "Wade Wilson? S***, Rogers. Might as well ask the inmates on the Raft to join in, too."

"Wade Wilson has never broken his word to me, Tony. Bucky has already made his opinions known on Deadpool, too, but I trust him."

"Honestly, Steve, I only know his reputation and I don't like it. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm not sure what you want from me here."

"Tony, I need you in the fight. We need you leading with me. T'Challa agrees. I don't think that this team will succeed without you."

Tony stood up and walked away to the bar, where he poured out another finger of whisky. Then, he leant against the counter and said only, "No, from what I can see, all they really need is Cap, Steve."

Bucky commented dourly, "Bulls***, Stark."

"Don't misunderstand me. I'll join the fight. I'm an a******, but I'm not a sociopath. But people don't rally behind Ironman. However, they'll line up for blocks behind Captain America."

Steve stood up and took a few steps closer to Tony, as he said quietly, "Are you sure you truly want me to return to being Captain America full-time, Tony? I will do it, but only if that's really what you want here. Asking me to recommit to that role is a very different thing than just loaning me the shield back in Switzerland. Steve Rogers can fight this battle, you know."

"You are such a…f*** you, Steve. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to join me and lead the fight. And I don't want to make things any worse for you than I have."

"Fine. I'll do it, but with three conditions."

"OK."

"First, you stop this "I'm not Captain America" bulls***. You're always Captain America, Steve. We need you carrying the shield, got it? Second, I get to bring in my people. Third, your semi-tame assassin stays out of my way."

"Bucky is going to be at my side in all of this, Tony. Sorry, but that's not negotiable."

"I don't give a s*** if he's there. I don't just don't want to deal with him. Understood?"

Steve turned to Bucky and waited for him to reply. Bucky was unable to completely hide his sigh, before he said, "Yeah, Stark. I got it."