Chapter 42 No Reason to Stay is a Good Reason to Go

TW: Vincent's suicide notes are explicitly read (the formatting got chewed up by FFN, but they are intentionally meant to be frazzled/difficult to follow).

It felt like his brain was rattling as he woke up to the mind-numbing sound of the Xtransceiver ringing. He turned over in the bed, lazily chucking the crimson bedcovers from over himself, and his feet hit the floor. He whiffed his first few attempts at grabbing the vibrating device from his nightstand. Clutching it in his palm at last, he squinted against the brightness of the screen to try to discern who all was calling him. Hil's annoyance faded as he recognized it was a rare four-way call, and Cheren, Bianca, and Church were trying to reach him.

Swiping to accept, he leaned back into the bed. Just as his camera turned on, he gasped and groaned as he felt an intense pressure on his lower legs. Looking past the Xtransceiver, he saw Noodle had tried to slither up onto the bed. Legs crushed beneath his incredible weight, Hil waved a hand haphazardly at the Serperior. "Noodle, get off," he gasped, "you're gonna break my legs or the bed or… something!"

Unappreciative of Hil's tone, Noodle snorted at him and sulkily fell back to the floor. He planted his face on the mattress next to Hil's arm.

"Ay, sounds like you're having fun over there!" Church laughed from the Xtransceiver. Hil shot him a dirty look across the camera but a smirk betrayed his amusement with the redhead.

"Why are you still asleep? It's two in the afternoon," Cheren chided right away. His voice echoed and Hil realized he and Bianca were both in Professor Juniper's lab, if the backdrop of sterile white walls and computers were anything to go by. "That's not healthy."

"Yeah, that's why I did it, to be healthy," Hil yawned wryly. Church oohed and laughed at Cheren's unamused face.

"Anyway," Bianca interrupted, "Hil! We all wanted to meet up at the Striaton City Restaurant today! It's been so long since we all got be together!"

It had been nearly six months since Hil had battled with N at his castle. In that time, Cheren had thrown himself back into his studies and took an internship below Gym Leader Lenora in Nacrene. Bianca had similarly started to intern for Professor Juniper. She had told them that she wanted to conduct necessary research in the future to lobby for laws that would further the rights pokémon had, such as those regarding 'daycares.' Church had been invited to a fledgling city in Unova's newly-expanded southwestern borders called Virbank, where a movie production studio had blossomed, and he had landed a lead role in a production. So, he was in the process of moving from Nacrene to Virbank. And Hil? He offhandedly glanced at the nightstand to his left, at the Light Stone encased in a glass box. Hil had returned to his home in Nuvema. He'd realized following N's leave that he had not found a thing he was interested in pursuing on his journey, and he hadn't had the motivation to get back out there. The Light Stone had been locked away after Hil had been unable to get Reshiram to awaken again from the rock. He had wanted to tell it that it could leave, that it was free, it didn't have to stay at his side or do anything with him if it didn't want to; but stubbornly, it remained in that perfect, white sphere. It hardly even glowed when he held it anymore.

His mother had been weirdly supportive and empathetic, despite how long he had left her unanswered for during his journey. They still had a cold and strained relationship, but time spent together was noticeably easier. She doted on his pokémon and although Noodle could still be snappish with her, most of them loved her.

"Earth to Hil~" Church sang when he failed to respond. Hil jerked his attention back to the Xtransceiver and softly smiled at Church's melodic voice.

"Yeah?"

Bianca and Cheren groaned collectively.

"You comin' to Striaton or what?" Church laughed. "We're gonna be there at six tonight."

"Yeah, I'll be there," Hil answered without giving it much thought. Striaton wasn't too far away at all, especially with Prada's help.

"Yes!" Bianca gleefully clapped her hands together. Her Xtransceiver fell over and Hil heard Cheren mutter something at her, helping her put the device back on a stand. They both stepped out of their frames of view for a second and Church whistled loudly.

"Guys, I think you forgot to turn off the camera," Church teased, "think of the children."

"You are a children compared to me," Cheren retorted as he returned to his part of the screen.

"Oh, I am? A whole children?" Church coyly smirked back at him.

Cheren narrowed his eyes. "You know what I meant!" he snapped. Bianca rolled her eyes and Hil could see her snatch his hand just out of the view of the camera. Right away, the annoyance melted from Cheren's face and he took a deep breath.

"Anyway," Church seemed to turn his attention back to Hil, "Hil! I'm lookin' forward to seeing you tonight! I know I haven't been able to see you much at all lately… and I've been wanting to see you before I move to Virbank. Tell you what, dinner's on me tonight, guys."

Hil wished he didn't feel so discouraged at Church's words. He sounded so upbeat and clearly was looking forward to the evening. Hil didn't know what he felt about it. On one hand, he definitely wanted to see Church, but on the other, not knowing the next time he'd get to see him made him want to cling to him and never let him go… Which led to him mentally chastising himself for not having said a word to Church since the night he spent with him back before he went to battle N at the castle. He knew that had likely just made Church think he was right in assuming Hil hadn't truly wanted him and had just been stressed out of his mind, which wasn't true, but every time he thought about taking his relationship with Church further… Hil got a sick feeling in his chest, similar to guilt, but not quite, and his mind would wander back to the castle…

Despite the heavy thoughts, all Hil said was a weak, joking, "Kinky." It earned whoops and hollers of laughter from Bianca and Church, while Cheren turned bright red as he resisted laughing.

"It's not funny," Cheren huffed when Bianca stared at him.

"Yes, it is," she taunted him.

Cheren hung his head and snickered. It wasn't often Hil heard him laugh, even over the Xtransceiver. Bianca could pry all sorts of expressions out of Cheren Hil rarely heard.

"Thank you, Church," Bianca giggled once everyone recovered from Hil's remark. "Anyway, Professor Juniper will be back soon. I better get back to work. And send Cheren home."

"I know, I'm absolutely wild," Cheren dryly commented, "tearing Bianca out of her work. We're planning a party in the lab. It's gonna be lit."

Church frowned, shut his eyes, and shook his head in disappointment. "Oh, my poor, precious Cheren. You really should update your slang vocabulary."

"Oh, is 'lit' out of style?" he asked a little too candidly.

"You guys are too much," Hil chuckled. "Alright. I'll see you all at six or so. See ya!"

They each collectively waved and told him goodbye, and Hil exited the call. He was glad none of them had mentioned his birthday, which had passed just a few days before, but he had a sneaking suspicion they had organized this dinner together as a surprise party, planning it late to subvert his expectations. Hil had tried to avoid talking about his birthday altogether. It wasn't that he disliked turning fifteen or that he felt bad about the compliments and treats that tended to come with one, but because the year before, his 'birthday present' had been Vince's accident, occurring just days prior to him turning fourteen. It made looking forward to this birthday so much harder and he had just wanted to avoid thinking about it entirely.

He felt a sharp pressure on his arm and looked to see Noodle jabbing him repeatedly with his pointy nose. The Serperior chirruped at him and then his head gave that characteristic twitch. It no longer freaked Hil out; instead, he just felt compelled to always pet Noodle's head gently following the tic, to make sure he didn't feel bad about it… not that he was sure Noodle would have felt bad about it anyway, but Hil liked to be sure. His other pokémon were likely downstairs, seeing as none were in his room but Noodle.

Hauling himself out of bed, Hil decided to go hang out with his mother for a little while before he would decide what to wear for the dinner. Noodle followed hot on his heels. As they headed downstairs, Hil snorted in amusement as Noodle did the sideways slither he had perfected for a controlled descent. He would shift most of his body lengthwise, and steadily drop a coil or two at a time to carefully go down the steps. Going headfirst always seemed to end in him sliding down and slamming into the wall just below the steps. "Not very Serperior-friendly," Hil joked aloud as he stepped off the last of the stairs.

His mother was curled up on the couch with a blanket covering her entire body, eyes glued to the TV screen. "Hey, Mom," Hil called as he picked his way over to the couch as well. She didn't respond and he looked at the screen to see what she was watching that had her so enamored. As he did, she snapped from her stupor and snatched the TV remote from the table in front of her, turning it off right away. Disconcerted, Hil put his hands on his hips and raised a brow. "What, something you didn't want me to see?"

"Don't be gross," his mother scowled at him. "Was just another crime show I knew you wouldn't have liked…"

Hil knew what that meant. It meant his mother was binging more true crime shows that focused on his father. News stations might have given Vince's story a rest, but dramatized crime shows sure didn't. He costively sank into the couch as far from Amber as he could get. When he did, Noodle coiled at his feet, and he watched as Prada jumped from the corner of the living room and bounded closer to him. Hil reached a hand to Prada to pet the bridge of his nose.

"Well, ah…" his mother floundered for something else to say to change the subject. "Your other pokémon are outside. Lucky and Roadie started playfighting and I didn't want them to break anything."

"Gotcha," Hil mumbled. It was uncomfortably quiet. "So, Bianca, Cheren, and Church invited me to Striaton for dinner tonight. Figured I should tell you."

"That's nice of them," she expressed with a distracted nod.

More unpleasant silence.

"Hil, have you found anything you're interested in yet?" she questioned suddenly.

That was a loaded question, and one he had woken up too recently to answer. He gave a tired shrug. "No. Can't say I have."

She sighed. They never met one another's eyes, but he could see hers closing in disappointment, her rubbing her temple, all in his mind's eye based on her tone. "Hil. You can't just keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Laying around all day, doing nothing… It's not healthy, and I know you went through a lot at N's Castle." Hil flinched at the mention of his name. "I know. But… I just… you not finding anything you want to do around here is scaring me some, Hil."

He knew he was going to regret asking the question, but he asked it anyway. "Why is that scary?"

Wordlessly, she shed the gray blanket she had cocooned herself in and she ambled into the kitchen area. Hil heard the clanging of keys and that made him nervous. He pet Prada and then Noodle again, more urgently this time. Noodle picked up his head and inquisitively glanced between Hil and his mother. A low growl emanated from his throat. "It's okay, Noodle," Hil mumbled to him. He didn't actually know if it was okay, of course, and Noodle picked up on that. He kept growling.

Hil heard his mother open a drawer, the crinkling of papers, and then the drawer shut. Keys clanged again. She shuffled back into the living room with three pieces of lined paper with tattered left-hand edges. They were discolored with age and the one on the bottom was particularly bad, its lower right corners ate up in a rusty orange. She sat back down on the couch and then handed the papers to Hil.

A feeling of dread crept over Hil as he slowly accepted the offered pages. Making a conscious effort not to read anything written on them, he looked at her with wide, nervous eyes. "What's this?"

"A note that was found with your father," she answered quietly. She fidgeted her hands in her lap. "I've been holding onto it."

Hil's blood ran cold and he looked down at the papers in his hand. He flicked through and saw there were three full pages, written in desperate, nearly illegible strokes of a black pen. Most alarming of all was that it was dedicated to him, though. Hands trembling, Hil slowly shook his head again and again. "Why? Why hide this, and even if you did, why… why show it to me now?"

"Please just read it," she whispered. Noodle hissed at her, but she ignored him.

Hil had to set the papers down against the couch and lean over to read them. His hands were shaking too badly for him to hold them. As he read through the pages, a lump rose in his throat and his heart ached in an all-too familiar way. The same pain that always came to him when he wished someone would simply ask for help, then a rush of guilt once he remembered just how unhelpful Hil had been for his father throughout his troubles… how he had just turned a blind eye…

For Hil,

I'm sorry I'm gonna miss your birthday this weekend. It'd be the first one I've missed ever and… I know I said I'd never do that, but I'm not strong enough to handle it, buddy. I know, it's not the best excuse… no excuse is… it a poor one, really and just prove—I just want you to know I know you've made me proud no matter what. I love you so much. So so much. I'd have loved to get to see you one more time, but maybe just alone…You've grown so much and you're so bright. I hope you hold onto that. You light up any room you go into. You certainly lit up mine.

I know you're probably going to wonder why or how… I don't want you to worry about that but that's just how these things are. I lied to myself for so long that I was doing the right thing but I had no idea what I was doing or why. I am a wanderer at heart but I can't go anywhere. They clipped my wings and they never grew back, hah. I kind of see that in you Hil. You're always excited to see what the next day will bring and you probab you love to joke and have a good time. Each day's an adventure. Each day is an adventure. Live it like one.

Don't settle for a life that makes you dread waking up. Don't settle for somewhere that makes you hate yourself for who you are or what you wanna do. Don't settle for… just don't settle. You can do amazing things. You want to do amazing things. Chase them down and don't let anyone stop you, ever. You know you best. Don't let anyone else tell you who you are.

I love you so much Hil. Please listen to the above. Please please please. Nothing I say beyond now should change anything I said above. Please.

As for why or how… I'm going to be honest, why's a hard question to answer. It's been so long of this I can't even remember where to start but as for how… I know the media's going to have a field day with me because of the gun. I don't want to say where I got it for fear of possibly hurting some friends. They're not bad people, they just are misguided. They didn't push me to this, they had no idea this is what I wanted, so don't worry about that.

It's just that most people have their pokémon do the job for them… I couldn't stand that thought. I didn't want my friends to see me like this or be traumatized knowing what they did to me. That's why the gun. And that's why I stayed away to do it too. There is nothing more to it than that, I promise. Im… I can't imagine any id of any—other way… they sound painful, the other ways

I don't want to—I guess I can talk about why. Again please, this is not your fault, and I love you so much, Hil. I shouldn't have settled for your mother. You shouldn't hate her, I should add, she just wasn't good for me. I could never figure out what to do after that. I'm a wanderer at heart, haha. But I am glad we had you. I am glad you're here. I swear I am. You are the only one I regret hurting in this. But it'll be the last time I hurt you. It'll be the last time I drag you down. After this it'll be a month or two of chatter and then it's over. Then it's all over. Don't let me own your life okay?

Even so I'm still just so sorry I wasn't strong or good enough for you. I did not deserve the gift that was you. I squandered it. You deserved so much better than me. Yet in you I see me, like I said earlier. You remind me so much of myself it's scary. That's also why Im worried. Push for better, Hil, you can do so much better than me. If you feel the drive to run, then you flip that gear into drive and you GO. You hear me? You follow your heart. Whatever you want, chase it. Go for it. Run if you have to. Do what is best for you because you deserve it. Im just sorry I can't be around to tell you that in person.

I love you so much. Happy fourteenth birthday buddy. Tell your mom I said to let you travel Unova already.

Love, Dad

But there was something else that came out of reading that note, too. An overwhelming sense of relief so strong it made his chest ache, for one. He had always thought his father's façade of joking happiness had been to keep the peace or at least try to appease his mother. Though he never had told anyone, he had always feared Vince never cared for him at all, or worse, regretted him altogether. Yet… his entire note was addressed to just him, and almost all of it was a desperate attempt at being uplifting, at urging Hil to take care of himself… It was such a confusing, heart-wrenching read. Once he was done, he leaned away from it and covered his face with a hand, pressing his wrist to his eyes to staunch any tears that threatened to escape.

"Why?" he croaked at last. "Why keep that hidden from me? And… if you did want to hide it, why show me now?" Now that he had reeled from reading the letter itself, his focus turned back to his mother. To Amber. Maybe Vince chose to do what he did, Hil thought venomously, but she sure didn't do anything to help, sure loved to mock him like hell.

"I was afraid to show it to you… that you'd think you were the reason behind it if you read that," Amber murmured. "Or, and this is a little more selfish… I thought you'd blame me. As for why now… Like I said. You're scaring me. You're spinning your wheels a lot like he was. I just… don't want what happened to him…"

"I'm not him!" Hil spat suddenly. He arched his shoulders, putting his hands firmly in his lap. He hated how she always did that. Always compared him to Vince, always worried he'd end up just like him. It was like she had decided he was dead long ago and she was constantly paying homage to him rather than actually interacting with him. Noodle put his head in Hil's lap and as Hil rubbed his forehead, deriving as much comfort as he could from his cool touch. He curled his lip and said, "But you're right about one thing. I do blame you."

Amber audibly whimpered and Hil noticed her pull the gray blanket across herself again. "I'm sorry, Hil…"

"You're sorry?" Hil scoffed. "You act like your whole world fell apart when he died, but you were cussing him every night like a misbehaving Herdier!" Hil gently ushered Noodle and Prada out of his way so he could stand up. At his full height, he crossed his arms, refusing to even look at Amber. "It's like you didn't realize maybe that hurt a bit until he was, y'know, dead!"

He felt like the walls were closing in on him. He waved his hand in aggravation when he heard Amber start to sob behind him. He needed to get out of there. Leaving the note and Amber there on the couch, Hil headed back up the stairs, curling right back up in the crimson covers of his bed. He tucked his knees against his chest, just under his chin, and hugged them close to his body. After a couple seconds of staring at a wall, he put his forehead to his knees, staring at the blackness of his dark, baggy pants.

I am a wanderer at heart but I can't go anywhere… If you feel the drive to run, then you flip that gear into drive and you GO. You hear me? You follow your heart. Whatever you want, chase it. Go for it. Run if you have to. Do what is best for you because you deserve it.

Those few sentences from Vince's note had resonated with him. He mulled them over again and again as he heard Noodle enter his room again. With Hil curled into a tight ball, there was room on the bed for him to coil up at the end, so he did. He also heard the clacking of Prada's hooves. Shortly after, it sounded like a whole herd of pokémon coming up the stairs, and Hil looked up just slightly to watch Lucky, Roadie, and Crest barrel into the room all at the same time. Shay, now much larger (but still small for a Druddigon at just three feet tall), followed enthusiastically at her own pace, and Sleepy hovered in soon after. They all converged on him at once and at first, Hil didn't want them to interrupt his thoughts. He urged them all away and Noodle even tried to assist with a few demanding hisses.

Nobody was interested in listening to either of them, though. Lucky hopped onto the bed next, finessing her wiry body between Hil and the wall. Roadie hopped onto the nightstand, kicking Hil's Xtransceiver into the floor, and chirped at Hil worriedly. Crest waved lazily from the floor next to Hil's bed. Shay wriggled in preparation for a pounce aimed at Noodle's tail dangling from the bed. In short, everyone was determined to be as in his face as possible, and although he wanted to be frustrated and tell them all to get back, he just couldn't.

The Watchog standing guard at his nightstand then barked furiously. Everyone's attention was drawn to him and Hil realized he was staring at the encased Light Stone. Within its display, it was pulsing a deeper orange. It was the first time it had done that in months. Briefly forgetting the situation at hand, Hil scrambled off his bed, sending pokémon scattering across the room, and snatched the Light Stone out the display case. It flashed a brighter orange, faster. "I don't understand," he breathed, "why now?"

The stone glowed a rich red-orange and then became too hot for him to hold. He dropped it and nursed his stinging hand. Not wasting a second, he eagerly made for his closet and tossed on the first good, clean clothes he could find. A solid teal T-shirt, fresh baggy black pants, a black beanie, and his dark hoodie Church had given him all those months ago. He told everyone they needed to get back into their Poké Balls for the time being and to his surprise, nobody resisted. Normally, it was a half-hour ordeal to try to recall everyone, but they all allowed themselves to be returned to the confines without complaint. He hastily snatched up his sea-green and white backpack and then, still clutching the Light Stone to his chest, hurried down the stairs. In his hurry, he forgot his Xtransceiver, where it remained beneath his bed.

"Where are you going?" Amber almost whined after him.

"Out," Hil answered testily. Without waiting for another word from her, he was out the door and headed for Route One. As soon as he crossed the threshold between the route and Nuvema, the Light Stone suddenly grew too hot for him to hold again, and he dropped it once more. For the second time ever, he watched in wonder as the Light Stone unfurled into the magical Reshiram. It towered over him and lazily beat its feathery wings to hold itself in the air, piercing blue eyes locked onto Hil. After a few seconds of him staring, it leaned its muzzle down and nudged him hard. Then, it landed and wandered over to the trees bordering the route, curling up on its side against the trunks. It patted the ground with a free wing to encourage Hil to join him. The sight of a massive beast of legend doing something like that made Hil laugh, and he obliged, settling in against Reshiram's softness. It gave off a pleasant heat that felt like it could make any worry melt away… Well, almost any.

I am a wanderer at heart but I can't go anywhere…

Truthfully, Hil did feel stuck. He missed and worried about N more than he could put into words. He constantly wondered whether he was okay, considering all the horrors he'd had revealed to him that fateful day back in the castle. Hil himself sure wasn't doing that well after it all, and his whole world hadn't been uprooted in an instant like N's had. He still felt guilty for not telling N all there was to his heritage. Despite telling him he could visit, N had never reappeared… His heart ached to see that man again. In that moment, Hil had a frightening epiphany: Amber had been right to worry about him. Vince had let himself feel trapped and had talked to nobody about how he had felt. For Vince, it had been because of Hil himself and Amber. For Hil, it had been his friends and Amber. But… did his friends really need him?

Cheren was constantly wrapped up in studies and field trips. He was almost always busy and whatever time he had spare went to Bianca. He was still friendly with Hil, sure, but… it felt as if they had grown apart in the time since N's Castle. At least Cheren seemed to have finally grown comfortable with his own skin. He had told Hil that he had him to thank for that long ago. Hil smiled at that pleasant memory. He still liked Cheren just fine, and he didn't think Cheren disliked him, but he just… didn't need Hil at all, did he?

Bianca was in much the same boat. She was always busy with work from Professor Juniper and even when she didn't have assigned tasks, she assigned herself a steady stream of optional work, and once again, when she did have free time, it went to Cheren. She traveled often as part of her working fervor, too, meaning she was often gone for long periods of time without being able to even interface on an Xtransceiver. Hil hardly ever spoke to her at all. She most certainly didn't need him.

Church… Hil sank farther back into Reshiram's plush feathers. He didn't know how to put his feelings for Church into words. He just knew he liked him a lot and was starved for attention from him, but Church was busier than ever. He constantly traveled between Nacrene and Virbank, and now that he was in the process of moving there… Virbank was a ferry ride from Castelia away, and even then, he knew Church would work odd hours. Filming, he had learned, was unlike any other job. Not only that, but Church had been training and honing his skills as a Fire-type specialist on top of all of that. With a heavy sigh, Hil came to the conclusion that Church had found plenty to make his life fulfilling. Maybe Hil would have been part of it if he had said something rather than let his feelings for the redhead stew… but it wasn't like he could change that now. Church was clearly moving on, and Hil needed to, as well.

If you feel the drive to run, then you flip that gear into drive and you GO. You hear me? You follow your heart. Whatever you want, chase it. Go for it. Run if you have to. Do what is best for you because you deserve it.

"I need to find him," Hil stated aloud. It felt so different and compelling to say it out loud. Reshiram touched its muzzle to his face encouragingly and Hil hugged it back. "You were waiting for me to figure that out, weren't you?"

Reshiram chuffed at him and nudged his face harder. He didn't understand the sound well, but it sounded about as much like a 'yes' as he would get. He rubbed the side of Reshiram's face.

"Will you help me find him?" Hil asked Reshiram shakily. His heart was already thrumming with adrenaline at the idea.

Another chuff and another harsh nudge. Reshiram's blue eyes were upturned kindly at Hil when he looked at its face.

Hil slowly got to his feet. Reshiram did the same, lowering its head so Hil could climb upon its back. Just as he was throwing a leg over, he heard footsteps and heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. A bolt of fright turned his legs to jelly and he whipped around, still standing on the ground, to see who it was. Standing just a few feet away was Professor Juniper herself. Thankfully, she was alone.

"Professor," Hil squeaked. He swallowed hard and in a more normal tone of voice, said, "I mean, Professor Juniper. So nice to see you…"

Her eyes were wide as she stared at Reshiram. "It woke up again…?"

"Y-yeah," Hil answered lamely. Reshiram quizzically brought its muzzle close to Professor Juniper's face, inhaling her scent deeply. The professor just followed Reshiram's every movement with her gaze, as if she were entranced.

"So… why is it awake…?" Professor Juniper asked a little dumbly. "I mean… it's just odd for you to be out here on Route One with a legendary pokémon like this, you know…"

Hil scuffed his feet against the ground. "I'm leaving."

"You're what?" Professor Juniper echoed in surprise.

"I'm leaving. I'm not gonna become another story like my dad," Hil explained. "I'm not doing well here. Bianca, Cheren, everyone else's found something to do here. I don't think what I need to do is… here. I think it's out there. Somewhere." He conveniently left out how his thoughts were centered around N. He knew Professor Juniper didn't have a very high opinion of the previous leader of Team Plasma.

Professor Juniper sighed. "I understand… and I'm glad you're choosing to do this instead of just try to tough it out." She smiled faintly. "I hope you find whatever it is you need."

Hil looked up at her, wide-eyed. He had not expected that to go so smoothly. He had just thought it was a good idea to tell at least one person where he was going… Someone who wouldn't be able to pry the truth out of him like any of his friends would have been able to. Relieved she wasn't going to try to pressure him into any other choice, Hil beamed back at her. "Thank you, Professor Juniper…" Eagerly, Hil jumped onto Reshiram's back, and the pokémon let out that long, warbling roar. With a final wave at the partially stunned Professor Juniper, Hil grabbed the furry tendrils extending from the anterior of Reshiram's head, and whooped in excitement as Reshiram whipped high into the sky. It was so much faster than any Unfezant or Volcarona could ever hope to be, and Reshiram's larger frame meant it was way harder to lose one's balance. The wind lashed his face and he drank in the crisp breeze. Already, as he watched Nuvema grow smaller and smaller beneath them, he felt so much more energized.

"Alright, Reshiram… Can we try to find N?"

Reshiram roared and swiftly changed direction. Hil laughed.

"I'll take that as a yes!"

He had never felt so alive.

"Hil said he'd be here. It's almost seven… You don't think he fell asleep again or forgot, do you?" Bianca frowned as she set her glass of water back down against the wooden table.

Church nervously tapped his fingers together beneath the table, idly staring at the menu before him. He hadn't ordered yet. His stomach was too uneasy with nerves. He hadn't heard from Hil at all and it was completely unlike Hil to forget plans with him. More than that, it made what he had planned for that evening feel sillier and sillier by the minute. Sipping on the diet coke he'd ordered, Church used his free hand to reach for his Xtransceiver, trying to reach Hil yet again.

He nearly spilled the soda across his well-kempt suit when someone answered. His face lit up in excitement at first, but he blinked in confusion when it wasn't Hil on the other end's camera. It was his mother, Amber. "Ms. Whitacre?" Church asked tentatively. Her face was puffy and red.

"Thank you, Church," she mewled and then broke into a fit of sobbing right away. Alarmed, Church helplessly looked to Bianca and Cheren, and then his voice rose an octave as he spoke.

"M-Ms. Whitacre, what's going on? Where's Hil?"

Bianca concernedly craned her neck to look at Church's Xtransceiver. "Church, is everything alright…?"

"I don't know," Amber howled. Church normally would have thought to lower the volume on his device, but the way she was acting shook him to his core. His chest tightened painfully as his mind reeled with all the worst possibilities.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Church asked tersely, his voice devolving into something of a whimper. "What's going on? What's happened?"

It was Cheren's turn to stare at him now. "Church…?"

"He left," Amber croaked. "Aurea said he jumped on that stupid Reshiram of his and left! I didn't know his Xtransceiver was still here. You helped me find it. Thank you."

"He… left?" Church echoed in confusion. He let out a shuddery sigh of relief. So, he had just left to some other town. "Where'd he go? He head to Icirrus or Opelucid, or something?" Maybe he had forgotten about the dinner and had finally decided to go challenge Brycen or Drayden properly like he had talked about doing a few months back.

"No, Church," Amber said. "She said he left… left Unova."

Church swallowed hard. He thought he should have heard a record halt to a stop like he was in a sitcom. "I don't understand…"

Reassurance that Amber hadn't meant what she said didn't come, though. "I don't either," she wailed. Wincing at her volume, Church shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Whitacre, I'm gonna go," Church muttered through a strangled voice, trying his best to keep a hold of his emotions. He ended the call without waiting for her response and dropped the device flat against his menu on the table. Cheren and Bianca both were in his face right away, deeply concerned and asking about Hil. Church put his forehead in his hands and stared at his palms. "She said he left Unova," Church spat at last. There was no anger in his words. Just a raw, simple hurt. Rationally, he knew that if Hil had left like that, there was a reason. He wasn't blind. He knew Hil was having a rough time finding his place in the world. Sensibly, he understood Hil likely just needed some time to figure himself out. So, he wasn't angry.

But he was hurt. He had planned to ask Hil… ask Hil if he wanted to be more than just friends. Moreover, he knew how much Hil disliked his home, or at least, he thought for sure Hil would do better if he got out of Amber's household. His intentions had been to ask Hil to be his boyfriend, and then ask if he was interested in coming with him to Virbank. It had been part of his big surprise for their belated birthday dinner with him. They had intentionally planned it late so as not to tip him off. He wondered if they had plotted it too close and anticipation over a birthday celebration had set Hil off…

If he were honest, had he not been in public, he would have shattered to pieces. Church had instantly taken a shine to the quiet, awkward boy who had been through so much back when he had first met him. He was naturally showy, so it wasn't like Church's shows of affection had been a trick, but he always found he tried his hardest to show his true intentions around Hil. He had been so honored when Hil had chosen him to run to when he needed a moment to recover after learning he was the Hero of Truths. He had nervously told Hil to keep his distance for fear of Hil feeling as if he were being taken advantage of, but he had loved it when Hil had fell asleep with his head on his shoulder. He had taken quite a few reluctant moments to pry Hil from his shoulder when he woke up to find him there. It had been so warm and perfect. Beyond that, they had just shared so many little moments, so many jokes, subtle hints that suggested they were both starving for something more… Church had realized that Hil had needed time following his time at N's Castle, but he had also felt like he and Hil had grown closer, even if their communication was limited.

But knowing he had left Unova… He felt like a broken promise. He remembered all those little moments all too well, all too clearly. They were devastatingly overwhelming. Rationally, he knew Hil had likely left not because of him at all, but Church couldn't help but feel a rush of painful guilt that left him despairingly wondering what he had done wrong.

"He did what?" Bianca asked sharply.

Cheren was silent.

"She said he left Unova," Church repeated brokenly.

Bianca sympathetically touched her hand to his arm and squeezed. "I'm sorry, Church…"

Church just hoped whatever Hil was looking for, he found it… that boy who had been through so much deserved whatever would make him happy.

Even if it wasn't him.