Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing
When they arrived back at his apartment a short time later, Olivia's words from the theater were still ringing in Elliot's ears. Just what could she have possibly meant by that? Though it hadn't been explicit, they had already discussed taking things slowly until she was fully healed – at the very least, until she didn't have to wear the sling all the time. But what she had said tonight had been suggestive.
Hoping that she wouldn't be angry at him for breaking the mood – the energy between them was currently at the same level it had been as the moment this past weekend when he had inadvertently brushed against her breasts while helping her change – Elliot decided that he would forgo subtlety and just ask Olivia the question point blank. He needed to know just what she was expecting. When he turned to look at her, though, he changed his mind entirely. Asking could wait a few minutes longer.
Meanwhile, Olivia was no fool. She knew that her bold statement had likely left Elliot reeling. Judging from the look on his face, his mind was still turning in circles. While it was true that a part of her wanted to push the 'fast-forward' button in terms of where they were headed, there was another part that kind of appreciated the slow and steady approach they were taking. That didn't mean she wasn't wanting to at least increase the level of intimacy they were currently at, though.
Her plans for tonight, if Elliot was agreeable, involved plenty of making out, along with using their hands – and maybe even mouths- to get to know one another better. The only thing she really wanted to change for certain was that she didn't want to sleep in his bed alone tonight. If she was really lucky, her shower tomorrow morning wouldn't be a solo one.
"Liv?"
Olivia was pulled from her thoughts and turned around to face Elliot, who still stood by the door to his apartment, which he had just finished latching for the night. His voice had taken on that low, gravely timbre that he only recently started using with her. It never failed to make her weak in the knees. When he crossed the room to wrap his arms around her and pull her close, she didn't hesitate to open her mouth to accept his kiss, allowing him to steal her breath.
As the kiss continued, Olivia yet again found herself wishing she had two working arms. She longed to run her hands underneath the jacket of Elliot's suit, and push the material off his broad shoulders. When his tongue danced with hers, though, she momentarily forgot about her frustrations, and poured all of her energies into kissing him back for all she was worth.
At some point, Elliot regained his senses. Though he hated to break their kiss, he needed to check in with her. Pulling his mouth away from Olivia's with a groan, he leaned forward until their foreheads were touching, unwilling to break their intimate connection.
As he struggled to catch his breath, he tried to find the words he was looking for.
"Liv. You have to know I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said before we left the theater."
Olivia didn't say anything in response, but settled her left hand at Elliot's waist. While she wasn't completely surprised, she still steeled herself for the rejection she knew was coming. She hadn't even had a chance to make her request yet.
"I don't want you getting in your head for even a second that I don't want you, I do. I want you more than I can possibly say. But if I were to do something that would cause you more pain – even by accident – I'd never forgive myself."
She absorbed his confession, and held on to him even tighter, as much as her one handed grip would allow. The last thing she wanted right now was him pulling away from her. She'd spent too much time running already. No more. Now was the time to lay all her cards on the table.
"I know that, El, and you have to know I love you for it. When I said what I did back at the theater, I wasn't trying to imply that we should make love tonight – as much as I want to. I understand that we will have to wait a while longer until I'm fully healed. This night was just so special in so many ways, I don't want it to end. The last thing I want is to go to bed alone."
"What are you saying, Liv.?"
He had moved then, but not by much. He had only shifted slightly so that he could look directly into her eyes.
"Stay with me."
At her request, which had sounded more like a confession, his mouth was on her again. She had to have known he could deny her nothing at this point. If Olivia Benson wanted him to stay with her, then he would. Even if it meant he wouldn't get a wink of sleep. In fact, he seriously doubted that he would, having her body lying so close to his. It's why he'd been keeping his distance at night for as long as he had. Normally, he had a great sense of willpower, but this woman had the ability to break down every last one of his defenses. As Olivia took his hand and began to lead him down the hallway to his bedroom, he began to count in his head how many days were left until her next doctors appointment, then immediately berated himself for doing so. As much as he wanted to take that next step, he wanted Olivia for more than just her body.
Once they were in the bedroom, he regarded Olivia carefully. It seemed the energy between them had shifted once again. Clearly, from the signals she was giving him, she would not object if were to take a few additional liberties while helping her change tonight. The gaze which she had leveled on him was heated, and her brown eyes were smoldering. If he had access to a mirror, he was quite certain he would see that the fire in his own blue irises matched.
Since her shawl had already been discarded out in the living room, Elliot gently removed Olivia's sling, setting it on the nightstand. Standing behind her, he gently grasped the zipper of her dress between his thumb and forefinger and began to lower it. As the expanse of her back was revealed to him, he tried not to gulp audibly as he realized she was not wearing a bra. Mixed emotions warred inside his brain as he internally battled with himself about the advantages of the situation versus the disappointment over not being able to remove the garment himself.
Olivia seemed completely at ease however, and so, he took his cues from her. Before taking any further steps to remove the dress, he swept her hair to the side and placed a kiss at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, inhaling her scent. The perfume she was wearing had intoxicated him all night long, and now he was finally getting a chance to breathe her in. Reaching up, he freed her hair from its barrette, setting the clip on the dresser.
With a deep breath, Elliot made what he thought was about to be a bold move. He was anxious, but not scared. If anything, the feeling coursing through him the most was one of anticipation. He finally understood what Olivia had been trying to say earlier. Just because they couldn't make love completely didn't mean they had to keep chaste. Turning her around so that they were now facing each other, he raised his hands once more until his fingers were just slipping underneath the straps of her dress.
Not once tearing his eyes from hers, he gently and gradually began to lower the straps down her arms. It was only when the dress was pooled on the floor and Olivia had delicately stepped out of the garment that he dared to lower his gaze. Even then, Elliot waited for a subtle nod from the woman standing in front of him, as though he were seeking permission.
Knowing he'd never have another first time to witness the true beauty of her form again, Elliot didn't want to rush. It was true that during the many days Olivia had been staying with him, he'd gotten the occasional glance at her naked body in passing, never before had he been able to look so freely.
As though he could sense Olivia's self doubt, he took her hands in his. The sling still lay unused on the nightstand. Right now, that was the least of his concerns. For the moment, Elliot was too devoted in making the woman in his arms know just how loved she really was. With the exception of the black lace panties that sat low on her hips, and those stockings that were driving him insane, she was standing in front of him practically naked, having bared herself to him body, mind, and soul. So far, all he had done in return was stare and say nothing. It was time he at least evened the odds.
Still not saying a word, Elliot released Olivia's hands only long enough so that he could shrug off his jacket. When she noticed what his intentions were, she attempted to help him loosen his tie. He stilled her wandering hands, not because he was offended by her touch, but because he worried the reach was a bit too much effort for her still healing collarbone to withstand. He broke the silence then, only long enough to soothe and reassure her.
"Not just now, Liv, but soon, I promise."
She shivered slightly at his words, then lowered her hands to her sides once more. Elliot paused in his movements long enough to lean forward and press a soft kiss to her mouth, before slipping the tie over his head. He dropped it without a care to the floor, adding it to the growing pile of clothes. Moments later, he was standing in front of her, his boxers his only remaining article of clothing.
Knowing that she would have her limits tonight, and in no hurry to rush things along, Elliot pulled Olivia into his arms. They both inhaled sharply as the bare skin of her breasts came into contact with the muscular wall of his chest. He trailed his hands down her back as their mouths fused together. The kisses became more urgent and frantic, and when he sensed that she was becoming weaker in the knees, he swept her up into his arms and walked the short distance to deposit her carefully on the bed, following her down onto the mattress to lay beside her. Olivia gave a small moan of displeasure and frustration, and Elliot guessed that was only because he hadn't blanketed her body with his own.
"Relax, Liv. We may still have to be careful, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to take care of you."
His voice was husky and full of promise, and she shivered slightly from anticipation. Nodding, she tilted her head up and parted her lips slightly to accept another kiss. Elliot didn't hesitate to accept her unspoken invitation, lowering his head so his lips could descend on hers once more. As the kiss became deeper and more intense, his palm skimmed upward along her abdomen to cup her right breast, tenderly kneading the sensitive flesh. As his thumb danced across the peaked nipple, he absorbed Olivia's gasp of pleasure into his mouth before she could breathe it aloud.
It was only when his hand was traveling across her chest to continue his exploration that their rising passions came to an abrupt pause. Instead of sensually stroking her flesh, he had quite by accident brushed against the staples from her surgery. The action must not have been painful, for Olivia hadn't flinched or cried out, but she was now regarding him carefully through slightly hooded eyes. Elliot knew his next reaction would quite literally make or break the moment.
With a shaky breath, Elliot shifted his weight carefully so he was still balancing on the one elbow as he lay on his side. Lifting his free hand up toward Olivia's face, he cupped her cheek gently in his palm. Her eyes closed then, and he cringed despite himself. He could read in her expression precisely what she was thinking. She was steeling herself for a rejection, and already starting to close herself off from him. He had to put a stop to that immediately.
"Liv, look at me."
In the silence of his bedroom, his words were barely a whisper. With a soft sigh, Olivia complied with his request, her eyes open once more.
"I promise you, I'm not stopping – not unless you ask me to. I just need to know one thing, and I want you to tell me the truth. Did I hurt you just now, when I bumped your staples?"
In an instant, it was as though all the worry and anxiety had left her. Her facial expression transformed into one of care and concern, and even though he was worried, she lifted her own arms to place her hands on his cheeks.
"El, no. I swear to you, you didn't. There was a great deal of many things that I was feeling in that moment, but pain was not one of them."
He nodded, accepting what she said for face value. Not wanting to waste another moment, he shifted again, this time partially covering her body with his own as he kissed her intensely. When he pulled back, rather that resume his prior position at her side, he instead raised himself so he was on his knees. Framing her rib cage with his hands, he ran his thumb delicately over the staples before bending at the waist to touch his mouth to the tender incision instead.
As he kissed the spot where Olivia was currently most vulnerable, Elliot tried his hardest not to let his mind go back to that fateful day when he almost lost her. Now was not the time for his memories to be flooded with those images. Rather, he focused on the feel of her beneath his hands and mouth, and anything and everything he could do to give her pleasure. The last thing he was concerned with tonight was his own needs.
Alternating between kisses and caresses, he continued to devote his attention to Olivia's breasts. Her breathy moans served as a guide, letting him know when to increase the pressure of his hand or slow the movements of his tongue. He noticed that her hands twisted and gripped the sheets as she tried to maintain control, pleased that she was remembering his instruction not to lift her arms too high – even though he knew she likely wanted to wrap them around him. As he continued to build her up, gradually, he moved lower – over her breasts and down her abdomen, then beyond her navel. He paused only when he reached the waistband of her black lace panties. Still bent low over her body, he glanced up to make eye contact with her, seeking permission once more. It wasn't until she nodded that he hooked his fingers in the material and began to pull it down her legs. As he tossed it to the panties to the floor, it didn't escape his notice that they were damp, the realization sending another rush of heat further south in his body. Reminding himself once more that tonight wasn't about him, Elliot returned his gaze to the beautiful woman who lay before him.
By this point, Olivia was naked, save for her stockings. Though he'd honor any request she asked of him, Elliot fervently hoped that she wouldn't want him to remove them, because they made her long legs look sexy as hell. He'd be lying if he said he'd never imagined a moment like this before. In fact, if the time ever came for guilty confessions, he'd have a lot to atone for.
"You're blushing, Elliot. Something you'd care to share?"
Oh, shit. Somehow, he must have given himself away. Olivia was calling him out. Tearing his gaze away from her body, he made eye contact with her once more. Rather than seeing any signs of anger or irritation though, all he saw reflected there was amusement. If he didn't know better, he'd say she was enjoying watching him squirm. That decided it. Let's see how much she liked it when he made her squirm.
"You're going to pay for that, Olivia."
His voice held a low and threatening quality, but Olivia had never felt safer. As Elliot placed his hands on her thighs and gently eased them apart, she complied, feeling her heart rate start to quicken once more. She had barely recovered from the feeling of his hands and mouth on her breasts, now, her body was tingling with the anticipation of feeling them on her core.
Olivia struggled to keep her eyes open as she watched Elliot lift her leg at the ankle, and slowly sweep his palm up her leg. When he gave her a wicked grin and bent his head to place a kiss on her inner thigh, she lost her battle, and closed her eyes at the sensation. Even though she had relaxed completely into his touch, her body was still on high alert, awaiting whatever was going to happen next.
The next place she felt his mouth was directly over where she had painstakingly shaved herself this morning during her shower. She closed her eyes as his lips sought out the lone spot where she had inadvertently nicked her skin with the razor, darting his tongue out to soothe it. Olivia had been concentrating so much on Elliot devoting his attention and focus to that particular area that she startled when two of his fingers swept between her folds, gliding easily through the moisture that was there. His voice reached her ears then, and even through her haze, she could hear the love in his tone.
"Relax, Liv. I already told you that I'd take care of you. I have every intention of keeping that promise."
Forcing her eyes open, wanting to see for herself the way he looked at her, Olivia watched him intently. His pupils were dilated to the point it made his blue eyes look almost black, so there was no mistaking his desire for her. Once again, she wanted to curse her body for its limitations, but was easily distracted as Elliot slipped his fingers inside her. Then all was forgotten.
"I know I said the words earlier tonight, but I don't think I've told you often enough just how beautiful you are."
His voice was emotional as he spoke to her, before lowering his head once more. As he made love to her with his hands and mouth, Olivia gave herself over to the sensation completely. She blocked out everything but what she was feeling, concentrating only on the sound of Elliot's voice as he lovingly encouraged her to surrender and shatter. Ultimately, she gave in, knowing without question that he'd be there to catch her.
As she gradually came back into herself, and regained the ability to breathe normally, Olivia was aware that Elliot was holding her in his arms. As he held her, he was peppering her face with gentle kisses as he soothed her hair. While her body was still singing from its intense release, she also felt a pang of guilt as she realized Elliot hadn't been as fortunate. She was able to feel the evidence of his arousal through his boxers against her thigh, and she longed to give to him some of the pleasure he had given her. When she reached for him, though, he stilled her movements.
"Not tonight, Liv. This was about you."
"But you -"
Olivia tried to argue her case, but struggled. Her brain felt muddled, and she was already drowsy from her orgasm. Clearly she wasn't going to have any success forming coherent sentences. Thankfully, Elliot knew her better than anyone, and understood what she was trying to say without requiring a translator.
"To borrow a phrase of yours, I'm fine. It was never about me, anyway. I wanted to make you feel good."
He kissed her on the mouth then, one that was a complete opposite of all the kisses he had given to her previously since they'd set foot back in his apartment. This was more of a caress. It would have been the perfect way to say goodnight as she drifted off to sleep in his arms if only for one thing – she needed to put the sling back on.
Elliot tried his best to stifle his groan of frustration. Already Olivia was half asleep, and he hated to disturb her. But she was nearing the finish line in terms of her recovery, and the last thing he wanted was for her to have any more setbacks this late in the game. Nudging her gently, he tried to get her attention.
"Liv – honey, I'm sorry, but I need you to wake up."
She mumbled something incoherently, and nuzzled further against his shoulder. When he tried again, this time, it seemed she heard him.
"What is it, El?"
"We need to get your sling on. Plus, you need to take your medicine."
To his surprise, Olivia handled the news quite well. He helped her out of bed, and she stood in front of him once more. Their positions were identical as when they had first set foot in the bedroom. Elliot helped her out of the stockings she was still wearing, trying to keep himself under control as he gradually unrolled them down her legs. He was about to look for a tee shirt for her to sleep in when she stopped him.
"Do you think you could help me wash my face? I don't want to sleep with all this makeup on."
Leading her into the bathroom, he complied with her request, using the makeup removing cloths she indicated to wipe her face clean. Then, he wet a washcloth and gently washed not only her face, but other more intimate areas as well. The last thing he wanted was for her to fall asleep feeling uncomfortable for any reason. He then left Olivia alone for a few minutes, so he could get her medication, knowing she would meet him in the bedroom when he got back. By the time she had left the master bath, Olivia had found that Elliot had not only returned with what she needed, but he had also picked up their discarded clothing and hung it back up. He was waiting for her by the bed with a clean pair of underwear for her, along with one of his shirts.
As soon as she was dressed, had the sling back on, and had taken her medication, Olivia was sliding back beneath the covers of the bed. It was then that she noticed Elliot had changed the sheets as well. He tucked her in with a kiss, starting to pull away, and that was when she gripped hold of his arm, suddenly wide awake all over again.
"You are staying in here with me tonight, aren't you?"
"Of course. I wouldn't dream of sleeping anywhere else. I just want to grab a quick shower first, if that's okay."
Olivia felt a slight flush warm her cheeks as she realized what he was implying. She should have realized. Naturally, he would want to 'take care' of his own problem before coming to lay in a bed with her. It was silly of her to think otherwise. Yet again, she felt a wave of guilt over not having been able to reciprocate. Then, as a brief reminder of an idea she'd had earlier hit her once again, she voiced it aloud.
"Maybe tomorrow morning, you can take another shower – with me. I can help you out then. I wouldn't have to raise my arms that way."
Now, it was Elliot's turn to blush at her insinuation. He shook his head as he headed for the dresser for a fresh pair of boxer shorts, knowing it wasn't necessary to sleep in anything else. As he headed for the bathroom, he tossed a reply over his shoulder, noting the impish grin she gave him.
"Woman, you're going to be the death of me."
Fifteen minutes later, after a very cold shower, feeling moderately more in control, and berating himself for not being able to manage his own hormones, a much calmer Elliot returned to the bedroom. He found Olivia dozing lightly on her pillow, but not fully asleep. Touched that she had tried to stay awake just for him, he headed around the bed to crawl in on the other side, and pulled her against his body. It was similar to the way he had cradled her all the other times they'd lain in the bed together, but felt so very different. After tonight, the intimacy between them had been heightened. With a final tender kiss, he nestled down beside her, content to just hold her until sleep claimed him as well.