A/N: I didn't expect to be finished this fast at all. I won't promise to update this often every time but I'm trying to get better at it.
Starting next chapter I'll be going back and rewriting/reworking older chapters so if anyone wants to keep any of them for whatever god awful reason feel free to do so. I'm a lot older now and see a lot of mistakes and really want to take the time to make this story better. Thank you for all of your patience. Stay safe.
For all the evils there are two remedies - time and silence.
- The Count of Monte Cristo
AATS
Chapter 25
Ebony and Ivory
Gaignun remembered the first time Albedo visited The Foundation. At first he hadn't been able to distinguish exactly what the strange, dark feeling gripping him had been. He had a tight lock on that part of his spiritual link and was careful not to go near it so when that end of his line suddenly began to flare his whole body stiffened .
Albedo was close.
He immediately felt for Jr. and found him to be sleeping quietly; apparently undisturbed by Albedo's presence.
Is it just me? Gaignun thought, panicked. Am I the only one that can feel him?
Let him sleep.
Albedo's thoughts came through sharp, jarring Gaignun enough that he stood, looking around his dark room for Albedo's outline in the darkness.
I'm here for you, brother.
Leave. Gaignun replied sharply.
Albedo laughed. Still spiteful, Nigredo? Old childhood wounds?
You tried to kill me.
What are a few indiscretions between family?
Gaignun realized that Albedo wasn't in his room and turned his frantic search back to his link. Albedo didn't try to resist him. He let Gaignun access him fully until his brother found him on the roof of their newly constructed port authority. Albedo looked up when Gaignun found him, eyes toward the Durandal.
Yo, Nigredo.
He waved to him, a sneer stretching across his lips.
Gaignun hadn't known what to do. His first instinct was to wake Jr. but the logical part of him knew that wasn't a good idea. Waking Jr. would cause an instant fight and Albedo, though menacing, didn't seem hostile. He wasn't on the Durandal. Gaignun still had time to figure this out on his own.
He had been pacing while he searched for Albedo. He stopped as his thoughts came back to him and grabbed a nearby chair. He tried to gain control of his surprise, of his thoughts, before they reached Albedo. The clock on his nightstand said it was currently 3 a.m. He rubbed his hands over his face and commanded himself to be calm.
Surprised? Albedo said. The monster under your bed made flesh.
Why are you here, Albedo?
No visits? Albedo replied, feigning hurt. His palm slapped against his chest dramatically. All mutants are welcomed here is that not right? Your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
He swept his arm out over the artificial ocean and the Durandal in its middle.
Oh do I yearn.
You're not welcome here. Gaignun replied, steadfast. If this is your way of beggin-
Albedo's laughter rang through Gaignun's mind. The sound felt like claws.
Begging, He hissed and Gaignun knew he'd struck a nerve.
Albedo's mind had been open and nonresistant but now Gaignun could feel those old walls being raised in defense. Pity seized him but he quickly smoothed it over before Albedo could feel it. Whatever game this was, Gaignun wasn't about to lose. The life they were building was worth too much and if Albedo had come to destroy it then he would destroy him first.
Albedo's end went quiet but Gaignun could still feel him. Their connection was loud; blown open after years of disuse by their close proximity. Neither of them were quite comfortable with the looseness of their thoughts and it showed as the silence progressed between them.
Gaignun had tried to use their link before. He had never wanted to abandon Albedo, no matter what he had done to him. He'd never spoken to Jr. about it. He had never asked if Jr. felt the same way or if he'd ever tried to check on their crazed brother.
In those early days - after he had recovered and Helmer had become a familiar face, a good friend - when life seemed to be turning around for them Gaignun had hoped that maybe, if they could help him, they could turn it around for Albedo too.
But in all of Gaignun's attempts Albedo's mind had always been resistant if not violent or just inaccessible. Eventually Gaignun had given up.
He wanted for them to be together again, no matter how outrageous or impossible that actually was. He had missed Albedo. He had worried about him. He still worried about him. It was almost a relief to see him now, to know that he was whole and healthy.
Almost.
Albedo remained silent, walls building ever stronger.
You showed up to our home. You woke me up. You started this conversation. Gaignun sent, emboldened by Albedo's continued silence. I assume you want something.
Albedo's mind was a mess. He was out of practice. It had been so long since he'd used his link that he was having trouble maintaining his defenses. That earlier pang hit Gaignun again and again he suppressed it.
Albedo's silence dragged on for an hour as he wrestled with their connection. Gaignun didn't know what to do or how to help Albedo. He couldn't invite him back. Jr. would have to make a decision like that and they both knew that Jr. would never allow it. Albedo was dangerous and beyond unstable. He didn't fit into their new world - a peaceful world. It would be too much of a risk. The damage had been done and it was irreparable. Albedo knew this just as well as Gaignun.
He was never able to voice what he wanted.
They sat together in the silence, finding a strange comfort in their link, unfamiliar as it was. It was almost enough.
Finally the sun began to rise. Gaignun's clock read 6 a.m. Jr. would be up in a couple of hours. Albedo couldn't stay.
Albedo's thoughts must have been running along the same lines. Gaignun felt him stand. Unexplained panic sliced through him. He stood up too.
Wait, Albedo.
He paused. Gaignun felt a rush of anxiety from him; the surge of prey expecting the jaws of a predator to clamp down on him.
As long as he kept his distance, as long as he didn't cause problems what could it hurt for him to visit like this once in a while?
Peaceful mutants are always welcome on The Foundation.
Albedo left without a word, locking down their link again as if it had never been reopened.
He would appear sporadically over the years. Gaignun always knew when he was there. A quick check-in. Peaceful.
Gaignun would regret that kindness later when Albedo showed up fully crazed and anything but peaceful.
He'd regret it again when he tried for one final time to make peace.
When Albedo threatened Jr.
"You've always been two-faced, you know."
Gaignun couldn't get the sentence out of his head.
Despite all of this, Gaignun was certain that as much as he regretted allowing Albedo onto The Foundation that if given he would do it again.
And that knowledge; that annoying - stinging sentiment that he couldn't shake no matter how hard he tried - hurt more than anything.
Jr. puzzled through the information they had received from Pleroma. It hadn't been very useful. U-TIC had always been good at eliminating any incriminating evidence. Then again, Jr. hadn't really been there to find anything incriminating. He kept searching, trying to work through corrupted data. He wanted to walk away with something.
He eyed chaos from between his wall of screens. chaos was sifting through pieces of the same data on his communicator. He smiled at Jr. when their eyes met.
Jr. had explained everything to chaos. He'd described every nightmare, revealed every secret thought he'd had about Albedo. He'd spent an entire night shoveling any food within his reach down his throat as he poured his heart out to the only person he felt he could truly trust with it. chaos had sat through all of it, never once interrupting. When Jr. had finally finished he was exhausted in every sense of the word. He'd felt raw; as if someone had rubbed sandpaper through skin and muscle to reveal his insides.
chaos hadn't left his side since.
Jr. was grateful for his presence but he couldn't help feeling like he was being babysat.
Then get your shit together, he thought angrily to himself.
He leaned back in his chair and stared at the data. All of that work and he was literally right back where he had started. He really didn't think he would find anything related to Albedo in this mess of data. He had people to do this for him; a whole department. He paid them to comb through this stuff, to archive it, to salvage what they could.
But he couldn't send it to them. He wanted to make sure that he wasn't missing anything.
"You don't have to stay with me," Jr. said from behind his wall of screens. chaos lifted his head from his work. Jr. shrugged, "I'm just saying. I'm ok. I've been ok for a little while. I don't have any new plans."
"Yet," was chaos' reply. "You always come up with your worst ideas when you're working."
Jr. blinked back at him, stupefied at the trueness of that statement. chaos laughed and closed his screens.
"The Elsa doesn't have any work for me for a little while. If you need me here then I can stay here. I don't think I could forgive myself if I left only to find out that you went on a new adventure without me."
"I really don't have a plan," he admitted. "I have no ideas left."
He hopped out of his chair and walked around his desk to sit beside his friend. "Fresh out," he sighed as he plopped down.
"What about you?"
chaos shook his head. "We found a few useful things for The Foundation in here but nothing that could help us find Albedo."
Jr. nodded. He felt a nagging urge to check their link again. He gave into it, feeling his way gingerly down the connection, anticipating the pain at the end. He was halfway along it when something strange occurred to him.
The link he had with the other URTVs was still there; one long line that splintered into hundreds. At the end of each line there was nothing. It didn't hurt to feel down that long line or to any of its solitary fingers. They felt dead - quiet.
Albedo's link hurt.
It wasn't a new realization but the why of it was blooming with maddening hope in the frameworks of his mind.
"Oh, Jr. I think I found something."
Jr. pulled away from his link. chaos had reopened his screens. When Jr. looked up chaos had plucked one screen from the three he had set up and handed it to Jr. He held it out at a distance, reading over it. His brow furrowed.
"Is this...about me?"
chaos nodded and he began pulling up other files and handing them to Jr. Each file was a small piece of intel. The first one was about him. The next was about Gaignun. The next one about U.R.T.V.s, Yuriev; there was enough information on them to topple the entire Foundation. They were barely readable and struggled to stay legible in Jr.'s hands. The holograms themselves seemed determined to disappear, held together only by the program chaos had used.
"They're not corrupted, they're encrypted," chaos said, breaking through Jr.'s confused thoughts. "All of this data was inaccessible before Pleroma's systems were damaged. I don't think it's accessible through any U-TIC or Ormus network. It looks pinned specifically to Pleroma."
Jr. swapped between the screens, studying them over and over again as they fought to stay alive.
"Someone was protecting this," he said. "Who?"
Ormus could have easily ruined them with this information. Jr. didn't have any Foundation soldiers working undercover in U-TIC. The Federation might have but they would have no reason to protect this information, in fact it probably would have benefitted them to have it too. They had always wanted the Foundation under their thumb.
chaos didn't need to answer him. Jr.'s head whipped up as the realization dawned on him.
"No. It couldn't have been."
He returned the files to chaos and went back to his desk.
"Send me everything you find like this. I want it all. Everything else gets archived. I don't want anyone else to know what you've found."
chaos did as he was instructed and soon Jr.'s computer was lit with sensitive information. The destruction of his life's work was laid out in front of him. They had always been so careful and U-TIC had still managed to get all of this. They had been compiling it, waiting to use it the moment it suited them but they had never been able to use any of it because someone had been protecting them. All of these years, all of the time they had spent working on The Foundation, could have been lost in seconds.
"This is...insane," Jr. whispered as his eyes roved over the data.
chaos closed his screens and tucked his communicator away.
"He did this for us? Why?"
chaos came to stand beside Jr. He laid his hand on the boy's shoulder and scanned the flickering screens.
"I guess you can ask him the next time you see him."
Jr. spent the next few weeks in his office catching up on the work he'd missed during his excursion to Pleroma. Every once in a while he found himself returning to the data. He couldn't take his mind off of it. He wanted to tell Gaignun but decided that he could wait until he came home. He wanted him to see it with his own eyes.
Jr. had finally decided that he needed to tell Gaignun about Albedo. It was getting harder to keep it a secret and the more things he uncovered the more he began to seriously feel that Albedo was alive. He wanted Gaignun to check, to feel down their link to that painful end. He just needed to know for sure.
Jr. realized vaguely that he hadn't heard from Gaignun since before he'd left for Pleroma. When he asked Mary about it over breakfast one morning she'd smiled cheerfully and promised that he was fine.
"The Kaiser's just busy, Little Master. He called us just the other day."
Jr. had nodded and picked at his food, his thoughts elsewhere.
"He should be returning home soon," Shelley added, sipping from a small cup of tea.
Jr. had shrugged, downed the rest of his coffee and pushed away from his seat.
"Well I'd hope so. Can't leave two lovely ladies waiting forever. You never know when someone's gonna come by and sweep them off their feet."
Mary giggled at his wink.
"Get outta here, Little Master."
It was early afternoon when chaos entered Jr.'s office.
"Made any new discoveries?"
Jr. shook his head, eyes still on his work. "No but..."
He dropped the pen he'd been holding and leaned over into a desk drawer, fumbling around until he pulled out a white envelope. He handed it to chaos who took it gingerly in gloved hands.
"What's this?" he asked, turning it around.
"Your raise," Jr. said with a smile, finally looking away from the console. "The one I promised you."
chaos started to protest but Jr. instantly cut him off before he could say anything.
"Shut up. Buy something for yourself for once," He turned back to his console. "Or for Tony. He definitely needs some new clothes. What kind of boyfriend are you?"
chaos chuckled. "Well then, this is kind of awkward."
There was a light thud on his desk and Jr. was pulled away from work again to find a neatly wrapped blue and yellow package on his desk. He looked from it to chaos.
"What's this? A present?"
"Mary and Shelley told me but I didn't believe it. You really did forget."
Jr. pulled the present toward him and examined it. He shot chaos a suspicious glance.
"Forgot what?"
Jr. shook it, displeased that the noise it created didn't reveal its inner secrets.
"Jr.," chaos said in disbelief. "It's your birthday."
Jr. froze, eyes searching for the date on his console. chaos was right. The date glowed back at him in stubborn white letters.
"He should be returning home soon," Shelley had said.
Gaignun was coming home for their birthday.
Jr. had completely lost track of time. He had been spiraling through days since his first nightmare. Dates had truly held no meaning for him lately but he couldn't believe that he'd forgotten their birthday. They always celebrated together.
"I'm an idiot," he said unhappily. "I haven't said anything to Gaignun."
Maybe that's why he hasn't talked to me, Jr. thought. He tapped the sides of his present with anxious fingers. No, it was unlike Gaignun to be upset over something like that.
"Day's not over."
chaos' voice broke through Jr.'s paranoia. He looked up in time to see him walking out of Jr.'s office.
"We'll see you at the beach when you get done."
"The beach? Wait, chaos-"
But the door was already sliding shut, chaos' hand waving back at him as it closed.
Jr. slumped in his chair, the present still unopened in his hands.
He really didn't feel like celebrating. Pleroma's corrupted data floated around him in a half-sphere. His eyes ran over them for what felt like the millionth time. It was Albedo's birthday too. Jr. wondered what he was doing for it.
He clicked the console closed, blue lights vanishing in a second, and stuck his thumb under a crease at the corner of his present. chaos had always been very careful with the way he wrapped presents. Neither he nor Gaignun had ever received presents before they'd met him. Jr. remembered the first birthday chaos had celebrated with them and how surreal the whole experience had felt. Gaignun had loved everything about it. He'd even saved the wrapping paper from it every birthday after. If it was a gift from chaos, Gaignun had a piece of the paper it had been wrapped in.
Twenty-seven pieces, Jr. thought as he pulled away the paper. He opened the slim box inside and pulled out a small black leather jacket. Jr. threw the box to the floor and eagerly spread the jacket out over his desk. He smiled, examining the leather and the white and red detailing. It was high quality, from one of the nicer Foundation shops. He slipped it on and was surprised with how perfectly it fit. It was such a chaos gift; practical, perfect and just what Jr. needed. It was short too which was a big plus. Everything else Jr. owned was long and after his last experience on the Alviss he hadn't been able to wear one. This, he decided as he pulled it more securely over his shoulders, was much better.
His spirits lifted a little at the gift. He owed chaos another raise. Jr. got out of his seat, leaving the remains of his present tossed on the floor and made his way out of his office to the beach.
Everyone was waiting for him when he got there. Mary, Shelley, chaos and the entire Elsa's crew all shouted excitedly when they saw him coming around the beach house.
"Where you been?" Hammer shouted, running up to him with a volleyball under his arm.
"We've been waiting forever."
"Someone has to work," Jr. said, crossing his arms. He looked around at all of his friends. Mary and Shelley waved at him from the water. chaos and Tony were by the net, waiting for Hammer to bring Jr. back with him. He found Captain Matthews under the shade of an umbrella, stretched out in a beach chair. He nodded when he saw Jr. looking at him and raised a beer in greeting. Jr. even found Professor skulking around the edge of the beach, Scott right behind him. When he came back to Hammer he smiled and uncrossed his arms. "But it ain't gonna be me."
He knocked the ball away from Hammer and raced him back to the net, laughing the entire way.
Birthday or not, Jr. needed this. He had been ignoring his body's desperate cries for a break but he was fully indulging them now. The day was perfect for swimming and Jr. spent most of his time just enjoying the water and avoiding Mary who was determined to sneak up and drown him. Any time she thought Jr. was looking away she was trying to creep up on him, ready to shove him under. He narrowly escaped her clutches but fell right into Shelley's as she grabbed him by the shoulders and held him still.
"Traitor!" he screamed as Mary pushed him under the water. He came up laughing as the two of them swam away.
He also learned, with no small degree of surprise, that Professor was an excellent volleyball player. He utterly destroyed Jr.'s team in every match they played. His team during the first match had consisted of chaos, Tony and himself but quickly expanded with every defeat until everyone on the beach was trying to defeat him - even Scott. Captain Matthews stayed out of it.
"Not my fight," he'd said and no dramatic threat from Jr. or general harrassment from Hammer or Tony could get him off his ass. Jr. had a feeling that God himself could not have moved the captain.
He eventually fell into a beach chair beside the captain, boneless and exhausted from his desperate struggle against the tyranny of the Elsa's professor. Tony was waving his fist and demanding just one more rematch but everyone around him had followed Jr.'s lead and had either fallen in the sand in their defeat or dragged their tired bodies to a chair.
Matthews laughed as Jr. staggered to a chair. "You really should invite us more, Little Master. It's been a hoot."
"It really has," Jr. said, laughing back. "I haven't had this much fun in a while."
Matthews nodded, "It's good to see you like this. Tell the truth, we were all worried about you. Haven't really been yourself lately, huh?"
Jr. squirmed in his seat, embarrassed with how he'd acted previously on the Elsa.
"Things were a little rough for a while but I think it's all starting to clear up. You don't need to worry about me."
Matthews made a noise in the back of his throat.
"Little Master, let me tell ya something." He raised his beer, sweeping the bottle over the beach and all of the people on it. "These people here, everyone that's come here today, are going to worry about you. Rough times, good times; it doesn't matter. We're family. Family worries. If these people right here stopped caring about you...well then, things really would be rough, wouldn't they?"
Jr. was sure that Matthews couldn't possibly have known just how badly he needed to hear those words. Or maybe he did.
"Oh come on, Captain," Hammer said as he collapsed in the sand beside Jr. "We all know you just came for the free beer."
Jr. heard chaos' laughter behind him and he smiled involuntarily.
"You're right, Captain," Jr. said. He rolled out of his beach chair and snatched the beer out of his hand. Matthews made a cry of protest as Jr. emptied what was left in the bottle onto the sand. "But if you want more beer then you're gonna have to work for it."
Matthews hadn't stood a chance against Professor but Jr. sincerely could not remember a time he had laughed so hard. He tossed the defeated captain a beer and wiped tears from his eyes but he couldn't stop laughing.
Soft, delicate hands slid over his shoulders.
"Come inside, Little Master. It's time for the cake."
Jr. let Shelley lead him inside of the beach house. Mary was waving wildly in the living room.
"Hurry up, Little Master!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Jr. replied, his face hurt from smiling so much but he couldn't turn it off. "What's the rush?"
As he made the turn from the living room to the kitchen he was greeted with the reason.
"Having all the fun without me?"
Jr.'s smile really hurt now but he leaned against the wall, arms crossed.
"Not my fault you're always late to the party."
Gaignun smiled in response. "Fashionably."
Jr. walked up to the table and took a seat beside him.
"Can you two be quiet for two seconds while I get your candles lit?" Mary chided, struggling with a match.
"Let them be, Mary," Shelley said, bringing a knife from the kitchen. "It's been so long since we've all been together."
The rest of their guests filed into the kitchen and the sounds of laughter surrounded Jr. like an old comfort blanket. He wrapped himself in it. The candles were lit and someone turned off the lights.
"Make a wish," Mary said excitedly.
For a brief moment Jr. felt the warmth of his friends pulled away from him. He looked too hard into his candles, at the yellow/orange glow from the little red and white swirls on each one.
Jr.?
Jr. shook himself out of it and returned Gaignun's question with another painful smile.
"You ready or what?"
Gaignun nodded and they blew out their candles together.
It was getting late and everyone was starting to wind down. Matthews gave Jr. a too-hard slap on the back to announce that he and the Elsa's crew were heading back. Jr. whirled around, a curse on his lips, and turned just in time to see chaos giving Gaignun his present. He shoved the captain and told him to get the hell out of his house before he called the cops. Matthews laughed, tugging at the brim of his hat. He and the crew waved everyone goodbye. It was just the four of them then. Jr. found some old movies he'd hidden away and they watched a few together; Mary and Shelley snuggled on either side of Gaignun and Jr. wrapped in a blanket in a chair across from them with his third slice of cake, defending the merit of Lost Jerusalem filmography any time anyone tried to criticize anything.
When the sun was finally gone Mary and Shelley headed back to the Durandal. Jr. had decided he wanted to stay at the beach house for the night and Gaignun waved to them as they left, promising to meet them back in their room later that night.
Jr. snorted and Gaignun laughed.
"So," Jr. said, as he shed his blanket. He grabbed his plate and headed back to the kitchen for another piece of cake, apparently determined to eat the rest of it alone. "I guess you've got some big important business talk coming or you would have followed them back."
"I can't spend time with my older brother on our birthday?" Gaignun asked, following him.
"Do you know how weird that sounds?" Jr. laughed, climbing into a chair at the table.
Gaignun took one beside him and accepted the piece of cake Jr. pushed his way.
"Man, cut the crap," Jr. replied, waving his fork in the air. "What's on your mind?"
"Clever choice of words," Gaignun replied. He leaned an elbow on the table and turned to face his brother. Jr. hadn't seen Gaignun out of his suit in a long time. His closet was filled with so many of the same dark suit and green tie that it was almost jarring to see him in a plaid button up and khakis. He seemed more human this way. He was just another tall, dark and handsome Foundation resident; no special powers, no unsavory secrets. A frown pulled at his lips, ruining the effect. He was Gaignun Kukai again when their eyes met.
"I shouldn't have left so early after...everything that happened," Gaignun sighed. "I should have kept you from going to Pleroma too but you were gone before I really understood what was happening."
His frown lessened a little at the corners.
"Good job hiding that from me by the way."
"Link master," Jr. reminded him.
"Jr."
"You're right," Jr. nodded. He couldn't take Gaignun's stare any longer. He returned to his cake. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to stop me."
"I would have."
"You could have tried but I would have gone anyway. We both know that."
"Jr.-"
"Albedo's alive."
Gaignun straightened up instantly. Jr. could feel his gaze boring into him. His hand tightened around his fork and released a long-held breath. Slowly, cautiously, he opened his link. It was easier than telling him, Jr. decided. He didn't think he could go through the whole thing again, not in front of Gaignun. Gaignun jumped in immediately. Gaignun's mind was like an anxious, over-protective hand with fingers carefully searching through anything Jr. would give him. He gave him everything. It was a lot to take in and it felt like forever before he was finished. When it was all over and Gaignun had seen and felt it all he pulled away from their link enough to let Jr. breathe. Jr. placed his fork down and turned to Gaignun.
His expression was blank; not a single crease on his face to give away what he was thinking. Not that Jr. needed any creases or expressions. Gaignun was still with him, his own mind open. His thoughts were as blank as his expression however and so Jr. waited, ready for anything.
"I thought you were angry with me," Jr. said after a few minutes.
That seemed to awaken something in Gaignun. His eyes swung down to Jr. and it was like he was being pulled from a far away place back into his body.
"You didn't answer any of the emails I sent you. Not even the one about Pleroma."
"And you couldn't ask me because you were afraid that you might slip up and tell me about all of this."
Jr. nodded.
Gaignun leaned forward, his shadow spreading over Jr. It made Jr. feel incredibly small. It was easy to forget how giant and imposing Gaignun could be. He was always so calm. His left hand landed on the back of Jr.'s chair, the other arm slid across the table, pushing Jr.'s plate away. Jr. was blocked in. No escape.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I..didn't think you would believe me."
"We can read each other's minds, Jr."
"That's not what I meant," Jr. said, irritably.
He turned sideways in his chair, trying to combat Gaignun's height.
"Mentally ill people believe that what they're seeing and experiencing is real even when it's not."
"But you aren't, Jr."
"How did I know?!" He snapped. "Grief makes people crazy."
It was the first time Jr. had acknowledged it but he realized that's exactly what it was. He grieved Albedo. He'd never allowed the word to exist, had pushed it away any time it tried to surface. He didn't like how trapped he felt pinned between Gaignun's arms, and under his eyes.
"I...lost half of myself the day he died. I felt him physically ripped away from me. It was like - like..."
Gaignun's presence was heavy in his mind again, searching for what Jr. was trying to say. But Jr. wasn't ready for that. Gaignun pulled away when Jr. blocked his attempts.
"You could have asked me," Gaignun said, soothingly.
When Jr. didn't answer Gaignun sighed. He backed off a little and Jr. felt a weight lifting off of him. The two sat in silence for a little while, living in their connection.
"We really haven't been good to each other these last few months, have we?" Gaignun said.
There was a heavy truth in that sentence. They had never been so closed off from each other. Creating privacy in a space where there was only ever meant to be unfettered communication hadn't been an easy task. They had really struggled with it after Miltia. We were never meant to live long enough to figure it out, Jr. thought. We're weapons. Weapons with their own thoughts and emotions. What was the point in that?
Gaignun caught that thought and held it close. A sad noise came out of him from somewhere deep in his chest. He leaned his head in his hand and sighed.
"It doesn't matter what the point was, it's who we are. We can't change that."
When he looked back at Jr. and caught him in his green eyes it felt paralyzing.
"I missed you," Jr. said suddenly. The words came out with a jerky sort of honesty. He looked down at his hands. "I've really missed you. I'm not...good alone."
He thought back to his fight on the Alviss. Everything he had done on that ship had served as a reminder of how alone he was. He had never liked fighting alone; he wasn't built for it. He'd gotten so used to fighting with a team, with people who would watch his back, that he almost hadn't made it.
"I'm sorry."
Jr. felt Gaignun's shadow fall over him again. He heard his arm sliding across the table. He was trapping him again.
"I left too soon. I knew that I should have stayed."
Jr.'s fingers twisted together and he let out a shaky breath. Gaignun's hand bumped against something. Jr. looked up, thinking he had knocked the fork off the table. The fork was still there and Gaignun's hand was laid open on the table, his red numbers visible.
667
Jr. blinked.
"But it's all part of our evolution."
Panic. Terror.
"Rubedo, how else am I supposed to protect you?"
Jr. was still in his swimming trunks. His guns were in the suite. The shadow loomed farther over him. Complete darkness.
"Dread dragon. Beloved boy."
Jr. raised his head and found Albedo staring back at him. The chair cracked under his grip. Jr. couldn't remember how to move, how to think.
The back of the chair splintered into dust. Albedo's hand flashed from the table to Jr.'s chin, crashing their gazes together. Jr.'s hands wrapped around his wrist but he was shaking and unsure of himself.
"I've missed you too."
Gaignun sat upright, sweating and shaking. He tossed the covers away and sat on the side of his bed, head in hands, trying to cope with the horrific feeling of dread throbbing like an old wound in his chest.
Gaignun!
Any safeguards he had in place were ripped through and destroyed as if they'd never been there in the first place. His head pounded, the ache like a tight, hot pressure building in skull. When the sharp, pulsating ache began to die down he was left breathless and soaked in sweat.
Jr.? He sent.
It hurt to think. The phantom pain in his chest was still there, gripping him with an unshakeable urgency; an impossible need to escape. He pressed a hand against the pain and tried to calm down.
This isn't my pain, he realized.
Jr.? he asked again.
He could feel Jr. at the end of their link but he wouldn't respond. Gaignun reached out to him and found him curled up in bed. His knees were drawn up to his chest, back against the headboard. His breathing was slow and measured - mechanical. Gaignun could count how long each breath was.
Jr.-
Where are you?
On Fifth Jerusalem. Gaignun answered, confused.
Jr.'s mind swarmed at his response. Blurred and hectic, his thoughts swirled together into an incomprehensible storm.
Gaignun tried to break through by showing Jr. He leaned over and turned on the lights of his hotel suite. He showed Jr. his bed, the sheets strewn in the floor. The console in the middle of the room. His suitcase. When that didn't seem to work Gaignun got up and rushed to the bathroom.
Jr., look it's me, He sent as he found the mirror above his sink.
Gaignun's reflection seemed to be working.
Your numbers.
My numbers?
Gaignun looked down at his hand at the three bold red numbers.
669
Jr.'s turbulent mind instantly began to reorient. Protections were put back in place and Gaignun was walled out again. He slumped against the sink. He was exhausted. He turned on the tap and ran cold water over his hands, splashed it on his face and neck.
Jr., what was that?
Gaignun thought back to the way he'd found Jr. at the end of their line.
Where are you?
The beach house.
The beach house? Why?
I didn't want to go back after the party.
Party?
It's our birthday.
Gaignun lifted off of the sink and stumbled back into the suite. He fell into the chair at the desk and turned on his console. Bold white letters blinked back at him, reigniting his headache.
It is, Gaignun sent back in surprise.
You forgot too? Jr. said and for some reason that thought seemed to calm him.
I guess I...just lost track of time.
Gaignun shut down the console, grateful to be away from the brightness of the screens. His mind felt like mush. He struggled to build up his own defense but Jr. didn't want to pry. Instead he sat at his end of the link; rock solid, immovable.
I'm sorry that I didn't say anything. I thought I'd hurt your feelings.
Gaignun knew that it was dangerous to be left with his mind so open and he tried to concentrate through the pain.
Well I guess we're even. I didn't say anything to you either.
The girls didn't send you anything? They told me they talked to you a couple of days ago. That you said you would be home soon.
Gaignun clamped down on his rising panic. Had he talked to Mary and Shelley? Did a couple of days actually mean two or was it a turn of phrase? Gaignun couldn't take any risks and tried talking to drown out his more wayward emotions.
Not as soon as I'd hoped, he answered honestly.
You didn't answer me. Jr. sent. Before I went to Pleroma. I was worried.
Pleroma?
Gaignun reactivated his console, resisting the pain brought on by the light. His inbox was full. Hundreds of blinking red messages screaming for his attention. They were stamped for days, some weeks ago. There at the beginning of them all was the email Jr. had been talking about. Gaignun remembered it now. It was the last one he'd seen before he'd slipped away. The time between the blackouts was getting longer. He was losing the fight.
I'm ok, Jr. He sent back. It's the first birthday we've spent apart, isn't it?
Twenty-six is a pretty good record.
Gaignun lifted out of his seat and made his way back to the bed.
Did you have fun? At the party?
It was a while before Jr. answered. Gaignun was fully settled beneath his blankets before he responded.
Yeah. He said simply. He sounded so sad.
Something's wrong. Gaignun thought. He barely snatched it back before it could find Jr. Laying down had been a mistake. He was struggling to stay awake.
I miss you. Jr. said after a little while. It sounded like a sob.
Gaignun sat up, trying to concentrate. Jr.'s forceful breach had taken a lot out of him.
I left too early, didn't I? I knew it. I should have stayed.
He felt Jr. freeze.
I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make it this year for our birthday but I'll have a little time soon where I can come back for a visit. Give me two weeks. I'll have it all figured out.
His words didn't have the thawing effect he thought they would. Jr. remained distant, cold and strangely sad.
I'm not good alone. He said.
Gaignun was at a loss for words.
They were built to depend on each other; all of three of them, all 669. Gaignun knew that Jr. needed him but there were more than a few reasons he had been in Fifth Jerusalem for so long. Things were changing for Gaignun and he wasn't entirely sure that he could control any of the changes. It was too dangerous right now.
I'm not either.
He didn't know what he could do or say to help Jr. He still didn't understand what was going on.
I'll be home soon, Gaignun repeated, trying to reassure him. He felt Jr.'s nod but Gaignun wasn't sure that Jr. was even listening. He was clinging onto their link for dear life. Gaignun didn't want to leave him but he knew that he needed to. The protections Gaignun kept up were for more than just protecting unwanted leaks to Jr.'s side.
Can you stay with me? Jr. asked. Just until I fall asleep.
Gaignun nodded. He could do that at least.
He felt Jr. slide awkwardly back into bed. It was like they were kids again, scared and refusing to be separated. Gaignun felt as if Jr. were in bed beside him and was glad for the comfort, could use some himself. He laid his hand out toward the empty side of the bed and Jr. could feel the warmth on his ribs. He felt Jr. relax. His breathing softened. He was pulling Gaignun down with him. Whether Gaignun wanted to or not he was falling asleep and falling fast.
Happy birthday, Gaignun sent.
Happy birthday, Jr. answered.
Then he was asleep. Gaignun was right behind him.