BPOV

Forever.

The idea of that was both familiar and intimidating. We'd been here before, long ago, when Edward had slipped a diamond ring on my finger and asked me to spend forever with him. I'd said yes because it was inevitable. We were inevitable.

As if Edward was able to read the thoughts flashing through my mind he sighed before taking my hand. "I didn't mean to send you into a tailspin."

I didn't want him to feel rejected, or think that I was one second from bolting out of the door, I just needed to process what that word triggered.

"I'm not," I said confidently. But then my voice trailed off. "It's just…"

He waited, silently watching my face as I worked out what I needed to say. When I sat up, making sure to keep as close to him as possible, he angled his body so we were facing each other. I immediately reached for his hands to keep us connected.

"Forever," I said, looking down. "Edward, I don't know what the means anymore."

"It means whatever you want it to." He lifted my chin so I was looking at him. "It means let's go to your mother's house, pack your things, and move you here. It means I'll pack and move to Phoenix. It means whatever you need is what I'll do because I'm not willing to lose this again."

I appreciated the sentiment and didn't doubt that he meant every single word.

"Your family," I said quietly. "Your job."

He wasn't willing to lose this but I wasn't willing to let him lose that.

"I'm not going to ask you to stay in Forks, Bella. I know better. Would it be hard? Absolutely. But would it be worth it if that meant that I had you? That we could start a life together? Yes, I would miss my family but what about the possibility of our family?"

"Edward…" I didn't want to tell him. I knew I had to but the disappointment, and possible resentment, that he would feel made postponing it easier. "I can't..."

The words got lodged in my throat but I swallowed and made myself continue.

"I can't have children." I kept my eyes down, focusing on our entwined fingers, because I couldn't bear the thought of the sorrow I would see in his face. "When I lost the baby…there were some issues and I found out that it is nearly impossible for me be able to carry a baby full term."

I briskly swiped away the few tears that had fallen from the corner of my eyes.

"You deserve a family, Edward. And if I can't give you that then-"

"Bella." His voice was apologetic as he pulled me to him.

Wrapped up in his arms I let my head fall against his chest and once again focused on the drumming against my ear. I concentrated on the feeling of his lips against the top of my head and his fingers moving up and down my back.

"It was a girl," I whispered against his chest. Why I telling him this? Wouldn't it make it worse?

He squeezed me tighter.

"Charlie and Sue… I wasn't alone when it happened."

I suddenly felt a huge wave of guilt rise up in my chest. No, I hadn't been alone but he had been. What did Charlie tell him? He obviously hadn't given him any details since Edward assumed I'd either chosen adoption or termination. How cruel I'd been. And selfish. That was his child as much as she was mine. What right did I have to think that my grief trumped his?

"Where is she?" Edward whispered against my hair.

"Phoenix." I quietly admitted. "I'm sorry…"

My apology trailed off pathetically. There wasn't an apology big enough for this.

We sat like that, wrapped up in each other, without speaking. Had it only been minutes? Or an hour? I closed my eyes before turning my face into him. The smell, his smell, quelled the anxiety that had been building as we talked.

"I deserved to know." Edward's voice wasn't angry.

"You did."

"You could have told me." Again, there wasn't anger in his voice.

"I know."

We fell back into silence. Edward's hands continued to run up and down the length of my back and I kept taking slow, deliberate, breaths of his scent.

What was he thinking? I wanted to ask but was too scared to disrupt his train of thought. Was he trying to come to terms with what we'd just discussed? I'd had years deal with what had happened… Edward had had a couple of months. And even then he hadn't known the details until tonight. He deserved to take all the time he needed to process his feelings.

"It doesn't change how I feel, Bella."

He said that now- when we'd just spent an entire day in our own little bubble of happiness. But what about when reality sank in?

"We don't have to make this decision right now. You said yourself that you'd stay until Emily was settled, right?"

I nodded.

"Then just stay for now."

I hated the doubt that had reared its ugly head inside my heart. We couldn't just pretend like the day I left wasn't coming. And what if one day his resentment came back and haunted-

"Bella, stop." Edward pulled back so he could look down at me. It was like he could see the hundreds of what-if scenarios that played on repeat in my mind. He gently cradled my face in his hands to make sure I was looking at him before he continued. "Stay for now. Yes?"

The way his eyes searched mine, and the way his arms carefully held me… Even with all the ugliness, heartbreak and selfishness that I brought along with me Edward still wanted me with him. Was he right? Could we make this work despite the history that tormented both of us?

"Yes." I nodded before leaning forward and kissing him.

That night Edward and I returned to my mother's house. He helped me pack what few belongings I had and then loaded them in the back of Renee's car. I heard the trunk shut as I pulled the front door closed and locked the door.

"Ready?" Edward was standing behind me, his hand on my back.

When I'd come back to this house for the first time it was after I'd run away from Edward at the hospital. How strange, yet perfect, it was that now he was standing here with me now as I left it.

"I hate this house," I muttered under my breath.

"Me, too."

I dropped the keys into my purse and turned to walk back to the cars that were waiting for us in the driveway. As we drove away, making the short trip back to Edward's house, I didn't bother looking back. This was just another piece of the past that I could shut the door on. Hopefully forever.

XXX

"That's a lot of money." Jasper, leaning over the conference table at Hope House, looked down at the rough estimate we'd come up with. "And it doesn't include buying new property."

Edward scrubbed his hands roughly over his face before letting out a frustrated sigh. We'd been at this for hours over the past three days and I could tell each of us were getting frustrated. Trying to be inconspicuous I placed a calming hand on Edward's knee.

He seemed a little less wound up when he spoke. "Expanding the property we already own would save money but I just can't help but think that would be a mistake. It opens the door for a lot of liability when it comes to the women's shelter."

We all agreed.

"And this is the lowest you think we can go?" Edward asked his mother. "For building?"

Esme nodded. "This estimate is with a lot of services and materials donated. I know you are in a hurry to get this started Edward but waiting for the grant submissions-"

He leaned back in his chair seeming to deflated a little. This was the fourth time she'd tried to convince him to just be patient. No one understood why there was a sudden urgency to get the new projects up and running. Even if he wouldn't admit it I had a suspicion that it had to do with the idea of leaving Forks once I knew Emily was safe.

"There just isn't enough money in the budget." Jasper stated the obvious before sitting down again. "Not to take this on and keep the staff you already have in place."

"Well we can't cut jobs. I won't let that happen."

"So, if we could find the money..." I started hesitantly. When they were all looking at me, I continued with more certainty. "If we could find the money to build could Hope House absorb the rest of the day to day costs after?"

Jasper leaned back in his chair. "For a while but we'd need a more permanent solution."

"Okay." I stood up, decidedly confidant in my decision. I put my hands together, making a small clapping noise. "I will sign the deed to the lumber mill over to Hope House and give you the money from my mother's estate to start building."

Jasper thought for a minute, doing mental calculations of what that would look like for me financially, and then nodded in agreement. I could tell he certainly liked this idea better than me selling it off completely.

"Bella," Edward shook his head. "That is your family legacy. Your mother-"

"Isn't here." I finished for him. "It is either you let me sign over the deed, and give you the money, or I have Jasper sell it outright and I give you all the proceeds. Either way this gets built." I touched the proposal from Esme. "The first option is a lot faster."

"You're sure?" Esme asked.

"Absolutely." I walked behind Edward's chair, letting my fingers linger a little too long as his shoulder and neck. "I've got a conference call in a few minutes. Jasper, you can start drawing up the paperwork, right?"

He nodded. "I'll bring you a draft before we execute anything."

"Sound great."

Edward's eyes follow me out of the room.

Back in my office I sat behind my desk and let out a slow breath. While we weren't exactly hiding what had happened over the weekend we also weren't putting it out there for the whole world. I figured Jasper had an idea that something had changed, given the sudden lack of hostility between Edward and myself, but hadn't said anything either one of us. As I scrolled through my emails I wondered if he'd told Alice.

My office door opened after a quick knock and Edward stepped inside. He waited until the door was shut to say anything.

"Millions of dollars, Bella."

"I know."

"Do you?" He asked while sitting down in front of my desk. "Because you just gave it away without even blinking."

"What would I do with a lumber mill, Edward?"

He let out an incredulous laugh. "I don't know- live a more than comfortable life?"

I got up and silently made my way around the desk. He looked up at me, watching as I carefully positioned myself on his lap, and then settled his arms around my waist.

"I don't need a lumber mill to have a comfortable life. Regardless of if I liked it or not Renee left me everything. The mill won't make a difference to me but it could to someone else. Someone like Emily."

After a moment he nodded- hesitant or not he knew I was right.

"There's something else though… that we need to talk about."

"Okay." I didn't move.

"Don't you have a call? It doesn't have to be right this second."

"Oh," I'd forgotten. "No. I just said that so I'd have an excuse to let you watch me walk out of the room."

He playfully squeezed my thigh but didn't let my antics deter him.

"The board meeting is in two weeks." I nodded and he continued. "And they'll either swear you in as a board member or ask that an alternative name be put forth for your spot."

"Oh."

Edward didn't stop me when I got up from his lap. He only watched as I sat back down behind my desk. "I'll do whatever you want Bella, but… you need to decide."

Did I believe in what Hope House represented? Yes. Did I still think there were ulterior motives as to why my mother would suddenly develop a conscious and decided to help the community? Absolutely. I didn't understand why she'd want me to be a part of it and certainly didn't trust her motives.

"Why did she want this?"

Edward suddenly looked apprehensive- possibly even a little sad.

"The last time I spoke to my mother was after she'd pushed me down the stairs. Do you remember that?"

He nodded, letting his eyes fall to stare at an empty spot on my desk.

"I told her I'd never forgive her and that I never wanted to see her again. We went back to Seattle and I had every intention on keeping that promise. I never saw or spoke to her again. I still haven't forgiven her for anything she did to either one of us."

"She wanted you to come back."

I let my hands fall in my lap and waited for him to continue.

"Renee found out she was sick about a month after the stairs thing happened." He stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets before pacing around the room. "I think originally she thought she could beat it. I think it was very… humbling for her."

Humble and Renee were not two words I would ever put together in the same sentence.

"That was when she started Hope House. I don't know if it originally started as a way to get you to come back or… if it was solely because she knew time was running out and she had a lot of things to atone for. Either way- Forks, being Forks, made it really easy for Renee to get information about you… about us." He finally stopped pacing and sat back down. "That's how she knew that I would be looking for a job exactly like this after graduation."

That fucking envelope.

"You know this part," he continued. "The DUI, the depression- I had to come back and had to find a way to start over. I didn't know who had started Hope House, I don't think anyone but Jason Jenks knew. He interviewed me. He hired me. I'd had zero interaction with your mother."

"Until when?"

He absently rubbed his thumb over the arm if the chair. "About two years ago."

"We were having a board meeting and when I walked in she was sitting here. She didn't look nearly as surprised as I did- obviously she knew I would be there- and… she… she apologized."

Silence.

"I never forgave her for what she'd done. And I don't think I ever can."

More silence.

"But she…" Edward cleared his throat before meeting my gaze. "She told me she was sick and that it was bad. Apparently she'd offered me the job in the hopes that both of us would move back to Forks."

I frowned- not understanding. "What?"

"I know. I told her it was stupid. If she wanted to repair your relationship, then a phone call or e-mail would be a hell of a lot easier than forming a nonprofit organization and using that as bait to drag us back here. But, like I said, Renee felt like she a lot to atone for. So, honestly, I believe her starting this," He used his hands to motion around us. "came from an immense amount of guilt. Maybe she thought that if she could show you that she'd created this then you'd be more receptive to reconnecting with her."

"Why did you stay?" I quietly asked him- more curious now than angry.

"Because no one else would be able to sit in this position and care as much I do for the people we serve. Forks is my home. These people have known me my whole life and they deserve someone that cares and will contribute to this town."

I looked down at my desk. This was exactly why I'd doubted him ever being able to leave. I'd never had a connection like his to this town. Yes, we both grew up here and yes, our families had several generations that went back through the town's history. But Forks had always felt like just another oppressive entity in my life. Public officials turned a blind eye to abuse and neglect. They accepted money and favors over the wellbeing of a child.

Renee didn't care about me, she only ever wanted to use me as something she could dangle over my father's head. When her mother had refused to let her have an abortion she married Charlie. After their divorce he had begged for full custody, more than once, and she'd never given in. Not even after her mother had passed and there was nothing left to keep her from leaving and finding the life she'd always wanted. A life that didn't include me.

Anonymous, and some not anonymous, reports were filed with the Department of Health and Human Services but not one of them resulted in anything more than a generic interview with a case worker who was making minimum wage and entirely too overworked. All it took was a withdraw from Renee's bank account and they were willing to say whatever she wanted.

Charlie had his job threatened. So had Carlisle. Renee had a lot of very powerful friends, in and outside of Forks, and no one ever doubted that she'd use them to get what she wanted.

"Renee had cancer," Edward continued talking even though I had mentally detached from the conversation. "But I really believe that her guilt over what she put you through is what killed her."

I raised my eyes to meet his.

"This," again he used his hands to motion all around us. "Is the legacy she wanted for you. More than the house, more than the mill, more than the decades of Higginbotham family history."

"Does it matter? She hurt you, Edward. She hurt a lot of us. My dad, your parents..." I closed my eyes before shaking my head.

"Come here."

Looking up I was surprised to find Edward standing beside me. He held his hand out and I took it while rising to my feet. His arms wrapped me up, holding me against him as he pressed his lips against the top of my head.

"What do you want me to do, Edward?"

I felt him shake his head. "I want you to make the choice that is best for you."

The kindness was appreciated but it didn't help at this moment.

"You hate injustice," He spoke into my hair. "You will always stand up for anyone you think might be mistreated or overlooked. You're passionate about protecting those that can't protect themselves. All of that makes you a perfect addition to this organization. But I think, more than anything else, the fact that you understand what some of these people have experienced means that you'll always have their needs placed above anything else. And when that need isn't always what others think is the appropriate course of action you will fight to make sure that they're not overlooked."

What he'd just said was the exact opposite of what Jacob had told me after I'd been fired from our firm in Phoenix. I'd put the wellbeing of two vulnerable girls above my job. I'd violated attorney client privilege without considering what the consequences could be. I hadn't cared because all that mattered was trying to get the two of them to safety. Jacob had been angry with my choices. He thought I was reckless and probably a little more than stupid for risking everything for two kids I didn't even know.

"Accepting this," Edward continued. "Does not equal forgiving your mother."

That was a truth that hurt and I didn't want to admit.

"When do you need to have my answer?"

Edward placed another kiss on my forehead. "Next week."

"So no rush?" I asked him, being sarcastic.

"A little rush. I'd meant to tell you earlier but we weren't exactly talking and then there were a lot of distractions that kept coming up."

I was grateful for the humor. "Distractions?"

"Mmm," He pulled me closer as I reached past him to locked my office. He spun me around once he'd heard the click, so my back was flush against the door, and immediately attached his lips to my neck.

"I could use a distraction." My hands buried themselves in his hair.

I didn't have to be ask twice.