The anger and betrayal N'kar felt churning in his gut did not fade that day, nor the next, nor even the day after that. How long had he looked for Llydwen? How many turns had he wasted? And all along she had been here. Kayta had known, and she didn't tell him. They had all known, and not one had said a word.

They promised. Elanth reminded him. The one who ran away made them promise.

I know. He replied. And that knowledge only made things worse. These were his friends, not hers. His friends who had never liked her. They had chosen her over him. After all that she had done.

He threw himself into his responsibilities as a Weyrleader, desperate to forget everything that had happened. In the mornings he reviewed reports, and after that there were drills. When the sun was high in the sky they broke for a lunch, and then there were the chores; constructing more weyrs for the dragons, cleaning up the hatching ground so it would be ready in time for Lysith's clutch, bagging firestone for the next fall. He preferred to help out with the later, as it put as much distance between him and the Weyrwoman as possible.

She is sorry. Elanth would tell him when he turned his back on her.

I know. He replied. But she had made a promise to him, and then immediately broke that promise. He was tired of giving chances to girls with pretty eyes. How many times had he given Llydwen a chance? And look how that had ended up. He would not make the same mistake again.

"If you keep this up, you'll work yourself into the ground." N'bel approached him one day after dinner while he was busy mending Elanth's harness.

N'kar eyed the bronzerider, trying to figure out if he was genuinely concerned, or had some other motive. "I'm fine."

"Aye. I imagine you'll keep saying that up until you collapse, and then you'll probably keep saying it even after you wake up in the infirmary."

"So you've come here to chastise me then like some naughty weyrling?" He shot a glare at the man, but either it didn't hold the bite he thought it did, or N'bel had reached that point where he had stopped caring. From what he knew of him, it was probably the later.

"If the boot fits."

N'kar snorted at that, running his fingers over the thin spots in the straps draped over his lap. So many drills under the hot sun had taken it's toll on the leather, stretching it. Those parts that didn't stretch had cracked. It might be better just to build a new harness from scratch. "I suppose, compared to someone as sage as yourself, I am nothing more than a weyrling." He threw his arms wide. "If you think you can do a better job, then you're welcome to it."

"I've done it before and I have no desire to do it again."

"Then keep your comments to yourself."

"Perhaps I should," N'bel agreed. "Perhaps I should. But you're the first good Weyrleader this island has had in many a turn, and I won't loose you to stupidity."

"Well at least someone approves." He stood, looping the straps over his arms so he could carry them inside the weyr. Maybe the old bronzerider would take the hint and leave, but he did not. Instead he continued to stand there, scowling. "This meeting is over."

N'bel's laugh was sharp and short. "Let me give you some more advice, though I doubt you'll listen to any of it; You're not the first man to get in a spat with his lady love, and I doubt you'll be the last. True, Kayta may lie, but that's because I trained her to. For so long keeping this Weyr secret was our priority above all things – even thread. At least this time she did it to protect someone. That's the only reason she's ever lied, you know – to keep us safe."

He finally walked away then, leaving N'kar in far more turmoil than he had been before.

"Chess?" D'rean's voice startled N'kar out of his slumber. The brownrider rolled over just in time to watch him drop his chest set on top of the table and start setting up the pieces.

"Don't you have something else to be doing right now? Like spending time with Ginaera or something?" N'kar groaned as he sat up. The drills they had run that morning had been especially brutal, but he had finally found a balance among the wings that seemed to work and he wanted to make sure it wasn't some fluke.

"She's with Malena and Kayta. Do you want to be black or white?"

"White." The brownrider made his way over to the table and quickly sat down, the muscles in his thighs protesting the movement. "So they're all friends again, eh?"

D'rean shrugged. "Kind of… it's tense at times but they seem to be figuring things out." He moved a pawn. "Now it's time for you to pull your head out of wherever you shoved it-"

N'kar responded by capturing the pawn. "I've been scolded enough lately, thank you very much."

His friend held up his hands. "I didn't come here to scold. I promise."

"Hmph."

"But having a pretty face around to give a massage or two might help those sore muscles of yours."

"Are you speaking from previous experience? Because I doubt Ginaera is foolish enough to fall for you whining."

"I bat my eyes enough and all the girls come running."

"Right." Now his back was joining the protest. He leaned heavily on his elbows, nearly tipping the table over in the process.

"Here." The bluerider handed him a skin of wine. "It's not numbweed, but it'll help."

The first swig didn't work quickly enough, so he followed up with two more. D'rean intervened, grabbing it before he could take another. "That's good Benden red!"

"So?"

"So who knows when we'll be able to get more after you chased F'lar and Lessa off."

"I didn't run them off. All we did was remind them of our autonomy."

"They're Lessa and F'lar, the Weyrleaders of Pern. They have a finger in every pot just like the old Masterharper did."

"You think they still know what's going on here?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if some of the riders were reporting back to them."

"R'nahl?"

D'rean shrugged, and N'kar seethed at the prospect of yet more betrayals. Seeing the combination of anger and paranoia on his face, his friend let go of the wine skin. "I try to think of them as concerned parents. They just want everyone to succeed like any good parent should."

He snorted at that. While they were good Weyrleaders, the pair didn't exactly a maternal or paternal bone in them. But then most riders didn't. He certainly wasn't a shining example of fatherhood. "How is Nelladwyn?"

"Growing."

"Good."

"He's become Kayta and Malena's little pet project I think. They certainly have him helping them a lot."

N'kar frowned. "They aren't plotting to make him stand on the sands are they?"

Another shrug was his answer. "He's old enough."

"He's twelve."

"Younger have stood before him. K'van. F'lessan. Others I could name." He scooped one of N'kar's pieces off of the board, adding it to the growing pile of the table.

"Has she… has she seen him? Talked to him?"

"Who?"

He gave the bluerider a look. "Llydwen. Who else?"

"I don't think she's seen anyone."

"Mmm." N'kar captured another of D'rean's pawns as payback for the pieces he had lost. Granted, it didn't make up for the rook he had just lost, but it was something.

D'rean took a swig of his own wine finally. "Let it go, mate."

"What? The game? There's still time to turn it around."

"No, Llydwen."

"I have."

"Have you? Because it doesn't seem like it from where I stand. You've been marching around here in a blacker mood than R'nahl and that other bronzerider."

"M'rocav?"

"That's the one." He snapped his fingers. "She's made it clear time and time again that she wants nothing to do with you and you stewing over it is messing up the one good thing you have."

"Am I?"

"Well, your dragons aren't exactly sharing the same wallow anymore."

"She lied."

"Who hasn't?"

"She promised me..."

"Oh, stop being such a weyrling. 'She promised!'" He mocked. "Are you a man or a two turn baby?"

N'kar flushed at that. "Am I being too hard on her?"

D'rean rolled his eyes. "You're starting to remind me of Malena when she was on R'nahl's case about that crawler."

He winced, as much as he might want to continue to wallow in his own misery his friend had a point.

"Go to her." The bluerider continued. "Grovel."

"I think," He sighed. "That there is someone I need to speak with first."

"Before you go I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"Check mate."

Prior to approaching anyone with his plans, N'kar made sure to do his research. He poured through the Weyr's record room first, even though he knew it was probably a fruitless endeavor. After all, why would these dragonriders bother with the going-ons of holders? Just as he suspected, he wasn't able to find what he wanted, but he did discover a passing mention of Llydwen's arrival around the time she went missing from the mainland. It was written in the previous Weyrwoman's cramped hand – confirming that Kayta had no idea prior to her rescue from Z'char's chambers.

A turn or so later the records mentioned that Llydwen had been shuttled off to one of the holds. Unfortunately none of the holds serving the Weyr had names, so he had to visit all three of them and ask to seek their records to find what he was looking for. He had almost given up hope when he found it hidden among the decaying records of the last hold; brief mention of a marriage to another holder.

"Does he still live here?" N'kar asked the Lord Holder of the place, tapping the entry with his index finger.

"Nay." The man replied. "She was taken by a bronzerider a turn ago – the old Weyrleader. Her man went mad with anger and tried to get her back."

"Went with a group of men from the other holds, he did. Foolish whers thought they could attack the Weyr and steal her back." The lady holder replied. "Haven't heard from him since. Though she showed up a few months ago. Useless, she was. I sent her back to where she came. I'll not have a dragonman's bastard under this roof." She spat on the ground.

Her husband glared at her, and she paled under his anger. "My apologies Weyrleader. My wife forgets her tongue and her duties."

N'kar waved it off. "Given what you've suffered through her attitude is understandable. Hopefully we can prove her wrong as time goes on."

"Aye, Weyrleader. You already are."

Berjoui provided the missing information he needed. "Holders? Attack the Weyr?" She shook her head at his question. "Only one group I know of who were foolish enough to do that. Z'char sentenced them to death between, but M'taren took them."

"Where?" N'kar had a feeling he already knew the answer though.

"Some mainland hold. I think they were having a gather that day or something."

"Nabol." He murmured. That was where he had bumped in to Kayta. Where she had kissed him for the first time. No doubt she went there to find them and make sure M'taren did as he said. There was a cave not too far from the hold where the holdless liked to stay, perhaps the men would still be there. "Thank you."

She nodded and turned back to her work, and he left, intent on finding out if Llydwen's husband still lived.

Llydwen didn't move when N'kar entered her room, but then he didn't expect her to. She remained curled into a ball on her bed, the sleeping rugs pulled over her like a probably assumed that he was one of the lower cavern's folk bringing her her meal - either that or she had taken to drinking her pain away. There was a sourness that hung in the air of the tiny cubicle, though it was nowhere near as bad as the smell that had plagued the old Weyrleader's rooms. However this stench was from sorrow, not sloth. His ex-weyrmate had give up the will to live.

"Up." N'kar commanded, and she jumped to face him.

"You!" She stared at him, her lower jaw hanging open as she tried to find the words. "I don't want to see you."

He nodded. He had expected that outburst. He held out a carrysack but she just stared at it, not comprehending. "You need to pack."

"What?" Llydwen stammered at the sight of it. "Why? I'm not going back to your bed."

"I didn't ask you to." He bent to start packing up her things, but it was hard to tell what was hers. In the end he shoved it all in.

"I'm not going back to anyone's bed."

"Not even your husband's?"

Her mouth opened and closed several times at that before she finally found her voice. "He's dead."

"He's very much alive."

"You're lying."

"Why would I lie?"

"Because that's all you ever did! Any woman you looked at wanted you and yet you would tell me you wanted only me."

"All I wanted was you!"

"Then why did you screw that greenrider?"

"His dragon rose. Elanth caught him. It's what dragons do. It's what riders do. I can't force him to ignore his own urges. It's not fair to him."

"An exception could have been made."

"Like what?"

"A stand in!"

"If there had been an understanding then yes, that could have been done. However I had no idea that Elanth was going to chase her that day."

"Some dragonman you are." She snarled, snatching the bag from him.

"What does that mean?"

"You couldn't control your beast. A true dragonrider-"

"We're separate beings, do you understand that. I hear his thoughts, just like he hears mine. I feel his pain, just like he feels mine. But he has his own dreams and desires. I could no more bend him to my will than I could force you to do anything."

Llydwen flushed at that. "Still-"

"You were also recovering from Nelladwyn's birth, or did you forget that?"

"I could never forget that."

"And yet you refuse to see him. Me? I understand. Him? He's done nothing."

She folded in on herself at the mention of their son's name. Her shoulders hunched and she crossed her arms over the carrysack, crushing it against her chest. "He wouldn't want me."

"He has spent years missing you and blaming me for everything."

"He wouldn't want me." She repeated.

"You're mad."

"No one wants me!" She yelled, her shout ringing in the small chamber. The noise brought curious onlookers, and they peaked their heads around the doorway.

N'kar ran a hand through his hair. "Your husband does."

"He died." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"He lives." In Bitra. He and his fellows made their way there after M'taren dropped them off in Nabol. They work in the mines and share a cothold. It's not much but."

"Lies."

"D'rean can vouch for me if you don't believe it."

Llydwen scoffed at that. "As if he's any better."

"Look, do you want to stay here or not?" She shook her head and he sighed. "Well, then your options are either to return to your parent's hold, or go to your husband. Given how your father reacted to finding me in bed with you back then, I doubt he'd be pleased to see me dropping me off on his doorstep now."

She snorted. "No, no he would not."

"Then trust me." He held out his hand. She did not take it, but pushed past him into the corridor, past the curious onlookers watching them.

Berjoui blocked the way, twisting a towel in her hands. "Is everything all right here?"

"Perfectly fine." N'kar replied, leading Llydwen through the dining cavern and out to the weyrbowl where Elanth waited. He jumped up first, clipping the straps onto his belt, then leaned over to help Llydwen up.

She stifled a sob at the sight of the great brown dragon. "I can't..."

"It's either this or a boat and then a cart. Maybe you'll reach them before Winter if you're lucky. This might bring up bad memories, but it'll be over in the blink of an eye, remember?"

She nodded and took his hand, her mouth set into a firm line. When she finally settled onto the neck ridge behind him, she was stiff and the bag she continued to clutch to her chest was hard against his back, but at least she was on.

"Ready Elanth?"

The dragon huffed. The boy comes.

N'kar looked back at the dining caverns they had just come from. A slim form was pushing through the crowd watching them. "Mama!"

Llydwen flinched. "Go."

"But-"

"Go!" She shouted.

Rather than waiting for N'kar's command, Elanth launched himself towards the sky.

When N'kar returned, Nelladwyn was waiting for him. The boy had curled up in the sand where Elanth had taken off, a tight ball in the hollows the dragon's claws had left behind.

He never left. The brown observed when they touched down. Lysith says they tried to get him to come inside but he refused. He is angry.

I would be too. N'kar bent to shake the boy awake but rather than being sleepy and confused, Nelladwyn started swinging.

"You took her!" He shouted, his punches landing on the brownrider's stomach and thighs. "You always take her! She always leaves because of you!"

"She wanted to leave!" N'kar did his best to dodge the blows. Though his son's fists were small, they still stung. "She wasn't happy here."

Nelladwen shoved him. "Why?! Why couldn't she be happy here?!"

"The old weyrleader wasn't nice to her."

"So? I'm here! I could have taken care of her!"

"You're too young. It's not fair to you to put that burden on your shoulders."

"Then you could have taken care of her!" This was accompanied by another shove.

"She didn't want me to."

"Why?" His shoulders slumped much like his mothers had only candlemarks before. "Why doesn't she want us?"

"I don't know." The boy sobbed at that, and N'kar pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. "I don't know. But the Weyr is here, and the Weyr is your home, and it will always be your home."

"But I want her!" He wailed.

"I know." N'kar whispered. "I know."